Chapter 73
Here's To Us
Next Saturday, Alfea
Icy looked at the college's yard from the balcony of their apartment. There was a frenetic activity, they were putting up the stage for that night's concert. They were going to celebrate Valtor's defeat with the students of all the schools and, she had to admit it, it was thrilling to be on that side for once. All the happiness of succeeding, of being part of something, was so great that she was surprised she even thought of giving in to her alter ego.
They had given back the Mystérion to the Magix museum, that according to the mayor would increase its security measures, and the Council had kept an awkward silence on the whole thing to not admit that two of its members had sided with Valtor. Givelian and Yerka would go through a trial and Icy was positive that at the end of that trial she would have nothing to fear.
- How's it going out here? - asked Lzzy, walking on the balcony.
Halestorm would play with that night, the Winx and another band of Specialists were going to open for them. Arejay and Josh were really excited at the thought of playing on a planet other than Earth. Technically, they were the first earthling band to do so, quite a record for them.
- Good. Are the boys inside? - Icy asked back.
Lzzy leaned on the balcony, next to her. She had a black notebook in her hands.
- Yeah. Tecna is trying to tell the crew which adapters to use tonight. I wanted you to read something . -
She opened the notebook at a page she bookmarked and passed it to Icy.
- You know that I tend to write down anything to empty my mind. This is from a few months before we met. -
Icy read. "Void. A heavy void growing in my chest, it's like an armor that makes it hard to breathe". She looked at Lzzy, waiting for an explanation.
- You see, - said Lzzy, - now I understand that that feeling was the awakening of my powers. I still feel that void, but now I know what it is and I don't call it that anymore. My powers were going to come out anyway, you just sped it up. -
Icy smiled.
- Thank you for showing me. -
Lzzy smiled back and sighed. She looked melancholic.
- Is everything okay, Mae? -
Lzzy bit her lip. She wasn't sure of what she wanted to say, of what that cloak of uneasiness she had on that day was. She had dreamt of the meeting with her other self and had woken up in that strange mood, not sad but not happy, of when a bad thought slips in your mind and doesn't leave.
- Elizabeth had a daughter. And if she had a daughter and was happy about it, it means I would not be happy. Or that… I can't have kids. - She sighed again and run a hand through her hair. - I don't understand why I care, I mean, I never really cared. I always thought that yeah, perhaps, maybe someday in the future I'd have kids, when I would feel responsible enough to make such a choice. And I assure you that isn't the case. And yet I can't not think of the possibility that this isn't a possible future for me. -
Icy put an arm around Lzzy's shoulders.
- Hey, it's alright. It's normal that you think about it, but don't obsess over it. The fact that she had a daughter could simply mean you'll have two or ten, or that you'll have a boy. You can't know it. and I know you'll be a wonderful mother, when and if you'll want to be. -
- Thank you, Icy. Oh, did you think about what I asked you yesterday? -
Icy made a funny face.
- Yeah, I'm not sure I wanna do that. -
- Come on, when will we ever be able to do it? -
- Uh, anytime we want without such a big crowd? -
- Please, for me! A favor for your mindmate... -
Icy glared at her.
- Fine, fine. Only because I know it'll cheer you up. -
Lzzy smiled triumphantly and loudly kissed her on the cheek. Then she pulled up a crumpled piece of paper and gave it to Icy.
- These are the songs, pick one or two so we rehearse them. -
The Specialists and the Winx had already played and Halestorm was halfway through their set already. The students seemed to appreciate their genre. They sure were different from anything the colleges normally offered.
Icy was backstage, although she wouldn't stay there for long. Once I Like It Heavy was over it was time for the first duet. Her head was spinning. Justin looked at her, saw the panic in her eyes and asked her:
- First time on a stage? -
- More or less. The last time was ice skating. Much easier for me. - replied the witch, mentally adding that skating was far less personal to her than singing what she was about to sing.
- Lzzy is always anxious before going on stage. Then she goes and becomes another person. It'll be the same for you, don't worry. - he reassured her.
Icy thanked him. Lzzy and Joe walked over to change their guitars.
- Everything okay? You ready? - Joe asked witch.
- Backup question? - Justin replied for her.
- I'm fine, I'm fine. - Icy said.
Lzzy smiled warmly at her.
- You come in at the end of the first chorus, remember. -
Icy nodded.
- Stella made a wonderful job. I'll go. - said Lzzy, going back on stage.
As soon as she learned the news, Stella insisted to design a stage outfit for Icy. Knowing that talking her out of it was useless, Icy had managed to convince her to let go of her first idea of a long and puffy gown and stick more to Halestorm's music and aesthetic. That resulted in a silver shirt with net sleeves, that stood out against the black vinyl of the shorts and thigh-high boots. Given the little time, though, Stella completed the look with makeup and hairstyle only after the Winx's act, so Lzzy hadn't yet seen her hair loose.
Justin signaled her to go. Icy walked on stage, slowly, as she sang. For a second, Lzzy turned to smile at her.
- I hate being that wall that you hit when you feel like you gave it all. I keep taking the blame when we both know that I'll never change! -
Lzzy sang the chorus with her, their voices harmonizing perfectly. During rehearsals they found out that the Bonding made singing together much easier.
Here came the hard part, for Icy at least, the most personal: many wouldn't understand and it was better that way, but others would understand and exposing herself so much gave her chills. But, surprisingly, in a positive way.
- I wasn't always this way, I used to be the one with the halo, but that disappeared when I had my first taste and fell from grace, it left me in this place. Now I'm starting to think, maybe you like it. -
The band improvised an instrumental bridge and then again the chorus. Icy noticed that at that point it was like Justin said, her anxiety was gone, she didn't even care that the second duet was even more personal than the first, that the song was Beautiful With You. She was too lost in that spiral of "I'm not an angel, I'm not an angel" that, from powerful and full of energy, became softer and softer, almost like falling asleep.
The song ended and the lights went out. Joe, Arejay and Josh sneaked backstage, Lzzy got the guitar off her shoulders and stood behind the keyboard the crew had brought to the center of the stage. She started playing with the lights still out.
- I stare, at the girl in the mirror. T-shirt, torn-up jeans, no beauty queen. -
The lights were turned on, shining on her and Icy, standing in front of each other.
- But the way that you see me, you get underneath me and all my defenses just fall away, fall away. I am beautiful with you, even in the darkest part of me. I am beautiful with you, you make it feel the way it's s'posed to be. You are here with me, you show me this and I believe I am beautiful with you. -
She had written that song over three years earlier, for another person, but in that moment, singing it with Icy and for Icy, she felt it so true again that she hardly remembered not to sing the second verse too. That was Icy's.
- I stand naked before you now, no walls to hide behind, so here am I. See all of my scars, still here you are, I bare my soul and I'm not afraid, not afraid. I am beautiful with you, even in the darkest part of me. I am beautiful with you, you make it feel the way it's s'posed to be. You are here with me, you show me this and I believe I am beautiful with you. -
Icy was even more immersed in that beautiful sensation of stripping down her feelings, of finally saying what she felt, although with someone else's words. They sang the bridge together, feeling an energy they hadn't felt during rehearsals.
- I've been the strong one for so long but I was wrong: doesn't make you weak if you're needing someone, I'm not holding back, I know what I want. -
They were barely aware of being on a stage anymore, they could do nothing but locking eyes and singing.
- I am beautiful with you. - Lzzy.
- I am beautiful with you. - Icy.
And then Lzzy again.
- You want me for myself! -
And Icy again.
- You get me like no one else! -
And, finally, together again.
- I am beautiful with you... -
With a sudden flash, a red string formed in the air, connecting Icy's left wrist to Lzzy's. The symbol of the Bonding materialized without their will, they didn't even know it was possible. They kept singing like it didn't happen, but with even broader smiles. By the end of the song they both had tears in their eyes and weren't able to understand who was feeling what, their feelings were mixed between their minds.
The lights went out again and they walked backstage, leaving the crowd to Arejay for a drum solo. Detroit welcomed them with questions.
- You guys were awesome! But what's that? Is it good? - she asked, pointing at the thread that sill linked them.
- Yes, yes it's good, although I don't understand how and why it appeared. - replied Icy.
Lzzy hugged her tight.
- Thank you for singing with me. - she said.
- I'm happy I did. -
- We're happy that you did, too. - said Joe.
- Yeah, but after this act we want you for the finale as well. - Josh added.
Icy broke the hug.
- Really? -
Josh smiled.
- You know Here's To Us, right? -
Icy smiled back at him.
- We also informed Musa and the other band's singer, Gary? Gale? Anyway, we do the guest version. - said Joe.
- We're counting on you and Musa to teach him the song in time. They're on the other side of the stage. - Josh added.
- I'll go right away. - said Icy.
She hesitated for a moment before going. She hugged Joe, surprising him, then Josh.
- Thanks guys. - she said, - You really are family. -
- Ah, damn, you'll have to say it again for Arejay, y'know? - joked Lzzy.
Icy chuckled.
- I know. I better go now. - she said, and walked away.
She found Musa and the Specialist, whose name was actually Girec and was at his second year, behind the stage, enveloped in a magical dome that didn't let out their noise. Musa looked up and greeted her.
- Icy! You were great on that stage! -
- Thanks. So, how's it going? -
While they taught the song to the boy, every now and then Icy checked if the incorporeal thread was shining any less. No use, it stayed well visible. It was still there when she got back on the stage with the others. Lzzy, this time without a guitar, was already singing the first verse. They would sing together the chorus and the final part.
Icy had seen Halestorm play that song more than once, but being with them was a whole other experience. Lzzy held her hand.
- Here's to all that we kissed! -
- And to all that we missed. - replied Icy.
- To the biggest mistakes that we just wouldn't trade. - continued Girec.
- To us breaking out without us breaking down, to whatever's coming our way, here's to us! - Lzzy, Icy and Musa sang together.
Girec and the boys joined in.
- Here's to love, all the times that we fucked up. Here's to you, fill the glass, 'cause the last few days have kicked my ass, so let's give 'em hell, wish everybody well! Here's to us, here's to love, all the times that we messed up. Here's to you, fill the glass, 'cause the last few nights have kicked my ass. If they give you hell, tell 'em go fuck themselves! Here's to us! -
The teachers, Musa noticed, tried to not let go, but her powers told her that the music had got to them as well. The only one who openly showed it was Wizgiz, as expected of him.
At the end of the song, they bowed and returned backstage. Icy was getting used to it. the thread didn't disappear yet. Icy was about to say something about it when Lzzy cupped her cheeks and kissed her. After a first moment of surprise, Icy broke the kiss and said, turning to the very surprised Girec:
- You saw nothing, clear? -
The Specialist nodded.
- Never saw a thi... oh wow. - he said, awkwardly looking away when Icy kissed Lzzy again.
Musa laughed and patted him on the shoulder.
Parting their lips, Lzzy said:
- Didn't you have something to tell Arejay? -
- Ah, right... thank you, big bro. - said Icy, hugging the drummer.
- Thank you, lil sis. - said Arejay.
Lzzy, Joe and Josh joined the hug. Icy finally let a tear of joy escape. She was with her family.