Chapter 3

I woke up to the sound of my phone's alarm going off. I shot up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I was covered in sweat and it left a large wet spot on my bed despite the temperature being set at a cool 68 °F. I think I was having a nightmare, but I couldn't remember the details. I leaned over to face my nightstand and reached for my phone to silence the alarm. I pushed on the screen and shut off the alarm. My phone read 9:00 am in bold print back to me. I smiled because I knew that there was no way Advent could assign me to do anything without security, so I'd at least get today off.

I jumped out of bed and slipped into a t-shirt and shorts. Black with "Advent" printed on them in bold white lettering. I didn't actually have a lot of clothes that were free of Advent branding besides my suits. Some days I didn't mind it, and other times: it made me feel like I was marked as their property. Though, I suppose it would still be true, even if I didn't wear the clothes they gave me. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand, and strapped it to my forearm while leaving my bedroom.

I walked out into the kitchen and made myself a bowl of cereal and milk on the counter. Well, technically it's Advent Milk Substitute, but same thing really. I'm not really sure what Milk substitute is, but it isn't soy milk, and it tastes like what I remember milk tasting like, so I don't have any leads.

However, today was my day off, so I guess that's a mystery for another day. I walked over to the grey couch in my living room, and sat down, kicking my feet up on the wooden coffee table. I set the cereal on my lap and started eating while I flicked through channels on the tv across from my couch. Eventually I found a channel that was playing a movie I had seen before: Darker Streets Darker Past. It was the sequel to Dark Streets Dark past: a sci-fi dystopian film funded partially by Advent. I liked it enough, so I watched it while I finished my breakfast.

It didn't take long to finish my cereal, so I set the bowl on my coffee table, and kept watching the movie. Eventually it finished, and I started watching the next one that came on. Hmmm, I could really go for an Advent burger right about now. I would go out, but not having security was a double edged sword. On one hand I didn't have to do any work, and on the other it would be a terrible idea for me to go outside unescorted. Especially so soon after the terrorist attack on the gene clinic. Nope, I'll have to wait until my new security arrives, the "non-trooper field operative" as Manny described it.

A couple hours later, and another movie watched, I got a message from Manny. It read: "Mr. Hickey, thank you for your patience. Your new bodyguard is waiting outside for you. Do understand, it took me some effort to acquire this one, so don't judge too quickly. Also, you'll be pleased to know that I've secured you two weeks paid leave. Ensure that you are in functioning form when your vacation is over, and we'll return to your regular schedule then. Enjoy your day."

Holy shit, that son of a... alien did it. Two weeks huh, I could do a lot during that. I sent Manny a quick response thanking him for his efforts. Well, I suppose I shouldn't keep my new bodyguard waiting. Who knows, since they've given me some time off, I might be willing to forgive Advent for this whole ordeal and for foisting an alien spy on me. I suppose my old guards probably spied on me anyway, so whatever.

I grabbed my sunglasses, slipped on my leather shoes, and headed out the door. My optimism was, unfortunately, drained from my body the moment I opened my front door. There... standing? I don't even know where this thing's torso technically ends, but standing next to my car, with the backdoor open, in my driveway, was one of those vipers. The very thing I have been trying to avoid the last three days, was outside my house and assigned to me as a bodyguard. I couldn't believe it, I hadn't even considered this was a possibility. Suddenly my concerns about having a sectoid as a guard disappeared now that this thing was like 30 ft away and looking right at me with crimson eyes. My heart rate began to quicken and I definitely felt like I was in fight or flight mode. I nearly collapsed at the door, but instead, I quickly ran inside, shut the door, and began frantically calling Manny on my phone.

He didn't answer, of course he didn't. He was fucking with me, he must have somehow found out about the incident I witnessed. Oh god, what if they suspect me of something and are planning on taking me in for questioning? Not writing something in a report is tantamount to treason in my position. I stood inside my house thinking about all the terrible things Advent could do to me if they found me guilty of treason and chastising myself for not just writing it in.

After a short while I realized something. Wait, I never told anyone about it, so the only way Advent would know is if something read my mind, but I haven't been around any psionic types, so there's no way that happened. I'm safe, for now. I'll just have to pretend nothing is wrong and hope they don't figure out I omitted something from the report.

I took a few deep breaths and walked out my front door, again. This time, instead of looking at me normally, the viper was looking at me with it's head slightly cocked to the left. This one looked the same as the other ones I had seen. It was at least a foot taller than me, and it was probably like 12 or 15 feet long. Its face was strangely emotive, usually they just looked angry all the time, but this one had raised it's... eyebrows? And it appeared to be concerned. It had some kind of cobra hood, which was weird because they're called Vipers, not cobras. My eyes drifted down and I noticed this thing was wearing the standard armor that they all wore and the breastplate had the same two boob extensions on it. Were they all female? I have yet to see one without tits. Maybe both the males and the females have tits, now there's a scary thought. I looked down at its tail and noticed that it had an orange and yellow pattern on it similar to a diamondback rattlesnake. Yup, standard viper, and now I was taking a ride to Advent Burger with it.

I could only stall this for so long, so I faked a smile and put on my sunglasses. As I was walking up to my car I avoided making eye contact with it, and instead eyed up that shiny plasma rifle it was carrying. Quite the piece of hardware, I've seen them shoot big holes through the training dummies at the quality control facility at my old factory job.

I slid past it and moved over to my seat on the left side of the car. Once I was seated it slithered in behind me and took its seat. The inside of this car was spacious, but this Viper was huge. It coiled up its body around the floor, and on the open space between us, but part of its tail was brushing up against my leg. I couldn't help but tremble a little when its tail touched me.

The driver spoke up. "Where to, Mr. Hickey?" He sounded different from my normal driver.

I looked up at the mirror confused. I saw a new face reflected back at me. It's unfortunate, but I think my old driver may have died. I didn't know Ron too well, but he was a good man. I should ask Manny about it later. "Take me to Advent Burger, the one on uh, 57th avenue."

I saw the driver nod, and he pulled out of my driveway and onto the road. I shut the plexiglass window that separated the front of the car from the back, and tried to get comfortable to no avail. How could I get comfortable when I'm locked in a car with some sort of giant alien monster? I can feel it touching me right now, so it's not like I can pretend it isn't here. I know what it is capable of, I've seen it with my own eyes. I looked over at it, it didn't seem interested in me, and was just staring out the window. Probably watching the scenery change from suburban to urban.

It definitely suspects something, it was looking at me funny when I was walking back to the car. I... I have to say something to it, so it doesn't wonder why I'm so nervous. Wait, can these things even talk? Whatever, I might as well try.

I took a deep breath and I looked at it. "So, uh, you're my new bodyguard, huh?" It didn't turn around until I said bodyguard. It rotated its head to face me without moving its body. Its neck was slouching since the car's roof wasn't very high. It seemed to be looking at me with a mild interest. Its pupils were slightly dilated and its tongue occasionally flicked out and lingered in the air for a few moments before being retracted.

Its gaze, while soft, felt scrutinizing. I continued anyway. "My name is uh, well you probably already know my name. Since you're assigned to me and all, heh. What's your name?"

It reached over and tapped on the shoulder pad of its armor with a clawed finger. I looked closer to where it tapped and saw 117-45-LH printed on the armor. The surface under the LH was shiner than the area that surrounded it. It looked like it had been sanded recently.

I was surprised that it actually understood me, that's a step up from the Advent troopers I was usually around, but that wasn't much of a name. "Woah, you understand me?"

It smirked, I think, and spoke. "I can do more than understand." Her voice was strange, but not unpleasant. When she spoke it sounded forced, and she lingered on the S's half a second too long. Her d's sounded more like t's, and she was pronouncing all the syllables with the front of her mouth.

I was taken aback, I wasn't sure if this thing could understand me, let alone talk back. "You... you can talk?"

She snorted a little. "I can, do you not trust your own ears?"

Is she getting snarky with me too? "No, it's not that, uh, I'm just surprised is all. Can you all do that?"

Her smirk vanished. "No, most of my sisters would prefer to use translators, or simply don't converse at all, but there is value in being able to speak the human tongue. It is why I was chosen for this assignment."

"So, why did you pick English? There are more languages we speak."

She squinted her eyes and I got the feeling she thought I was stupid. "Unless I am mistaken, it is the one that is spoken on this continent."

It was a strange feeling conversing with this Viper. I hadn't noticed it at first, but my fear was dissipating, and I was actually starting to relax a little. "Well it is... let's just change the subject. Your name is 117-45-LH?"

She cocked her head slightly. "It is my designation."

"Well, it's a mouthful, can I call you Eleven Seven, maybe even just Eleven?"

She looked up in thought for a few moments, and returned her attention to me. "It doesn't matter what you call me."

I forced a smile. "Ok, great." After I said that I returned my attention back to the window, and 11-7 (eleven seven) did the same. She definitely wouldn't suspect anything now, and soon I would be enjoying a juicy advent burger by myself.

After a few more minutes of driving, the driver knocked on the plexiglass divider and opened it. "We're here, Mr. Hickey."

I looked up and saw that beautiful sign with a big burger on it. I smiled, and felt my stomach growl with anticipation. "Just pull into the parking lot." I ordered.

The driver pulled in, and I got out. I walked to the window next to him and he rolled it down. I finally got a good look at him. He was a middle aged man, who was balding slightly, and his body was dumpy looking. I spoke. "Just stay in the parking lot or something. I usually like to hang out inside for an hour or so."

He nodded, and as I was about to turn and go inside I heard the sound of a car door closing. I looked over to see the viper's head poking up above the car. I couldn't let this happen, I'd already seen enough of this snake today. I didn't need it coming inside and watching me eat lunch. "Hey, uh, 11-7..." She turned to look at me. "You don't need to come in with me. You can just wait in the car while I eat."

She squinted her eyes and lightly snorted. "While you are outside neighborhood D18, I am required to escort you at all times."

I rubbed my forehead with one hand. "Look, there are a lot of people in there that know me, and I would prefer it if they didn't see me walking around with... a giant snake."

She lowered her scaly brows and that frown that was always on her face deepened. Her hood flared out and she didn't even speak. She just slithered around the car and stopped when she was right next to me. I looked up at her angrily, but she just stared forward and smirked when I let out a sigh. It was too much to assume this thing would be lenient. She was as by the book as the advent troopers.

I walked up to the door, and grabbed the handle, bracing myself for what might happen inside. I pushed the door a little as I walked in, so 11-7 could grab it easier. I looked around the room, and like I had expected, everyone was staring at us. So much for keeping a low profile, Manny. It wasn't packed, but there were still too many people inside. Luckily, I saw an empty booth away from everyone, so I was happy. I tried to ignore their stares as I walked up to the counter. As I got there I saw something that made me want to turn and leave, but it was too late because he was already waving at me.

He yelled at me from the cashier's counter. "Heya Luke, long time no see."

I strolled over, trying to pretend it was business as usual, while 11-7 slithered right up to my left side. "Hi Matt. How's work."

As 11-7 came into view, Matt gawked at her the whole time. His eyes darted from her to me. "Uhhhh, you know, hardly workin." He cupped his mouth to direct his voice towards me and whispered. "What is that, is it with you?"

I sighed "Yes, this is my escort." Immediately I regretted saying that.

Matt's fear dissipated and he smiled devilishly. "Woah man, I didn't know you were into that sort of thing, but I guess the heart wants what the heart wants." The female cashier next to him giggled a little. Dammit, why did she have to say she was escorting me in the parking lot?

I cleared my throat. "What I meant is that she is my new bodyguard, and is filling in for my old ones."

Matt's tone changed to more of a somber one. "Yeah, I heard about that on the news. You still doing alright after all that? This is the first we've seen of you for a while."

I nodded. "I'm still getting used to some of the changes I've had to make since then, but I'm fine."

Suddenly a gruff sounding woman piped up from the back. "You gonna keep taking up my counter space, or are ya gonna order something?"

I yelled back into the kitchen. "I don't know Debra, it is a nice counter, might stand here long enough to put you out of business."

She yelled back. "It's good to hear you're alright Lucas, we were worried about ya." Kind of funny the place I felt most appreciated was a fucking burger joint, but I'll take it.

Matt smiled. "You want the usual?"

"Yeah, large Cowboy Burger Combo with an Advent Citrus."

Matt typed on the machine that was in front of him on the cashier's counter. "What does... your bodyguard want?" Matt pointed at the viper standing to my left.

I hadn't even considered that she might want something. I looked at her and sighed. "What do you want?"

She squinted her eyes and stared at the menu. After a few moments she shrugged her shoulders.

I looked back at Matt. "Just get her what I'm having."

Matt typed on the machine more. "That'll be 5.53 credits." I waved my phone in front of the machine, and it transferred the funds. "Here's your drinks, we'll have the food ready soon."

I grabbed my soda and stood away from the counter. I saw 11-7 drop her rifle to her side and grab her soda. She slithered over by me and wrapped her tail up, so she wasn't taking up room on the floor. I nursed my drink while we were waiting. I was content to just watch them cook in the kitchen, but I felt like someone was staring at me, so I looked and saw 11-7 watching me drink my soda with great interest.

The moment I saw her, she looked away at her soda. I watched her bring it up to her face. She seemed to be studying it. She flicked her tongue out right over the straw hole. After doing that a few times, she closed her mouth around it, and started making strange noises. This went on for an uncomfortably long amount of time, then she started to tip the cup up towards her face, and without thinking I grabbed her arm.

She looked at me with dilated pupils and raised an eyebrow. "You're supposed to suck on the straw. Like this." I made sucking noises, so she got the idea.

She put the straw in her mouth again, and this time I saw liquid go up through it. She smiled slightly, and she seemed quite pleased with herself. I chuckled to myself, it was pretty funny that the biological alien murder machine didn't know how to use a straw.

After a few minutes the food was done, and I went up to grab my tray. 11-7 did the same. I went over to the other counter and as I pumped a bunch of ketchup on my tray, I noticed 11-7 was mimicking my every move. Strange, but I walked over to the empty booth I saw when I came in. Everyone in the restaurant was staring at us, but at least there wasn't anyone directly around this booth. I took my seat, and 11-7 slithered into her seat, draping her body across the booth seat and curling the rest under the table.

I felt her tail bush up against me again, maybe I should have picked a table instead. I guess I'll never have any respite from 11-7, so long as I'm not in my neighborhood. I unwrapped my burger and admired it for a moment. It was a thing to behold, two beef patties, cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato, and onion. All held together between sesame seed buns. One of the few things I could truly lose myself in. I took a bite, savoring its flavor. My enjoyment was interrupted though because I felt 11-7 staring at me again. I looked up from my burger to see her eyes dart away from me to her burger.

I chuckled to myself, this ought to be good. I watched her poke the wrapped burger a few times before she unwrapped it. She set her plasma rifle down and leaned it against the wall. It was my turn to stare now. She held the burger in front of her face, flicking her tongue near it a couple times. She then opened her mouth up wide, and when I say wide I mean wide enough to swallow a cat. Now, I'm not a biologist or anything, but while I was feeling extremely terrified I noticed that she only had two teeth: the fangs on the roof of her mouth. Which means there was no way she was gonna chew that burger. I glanced around the room, and saw everyone else gawking at 11-7 as much as I was. She gently placed the burger in, closed her mouth around it, and swallowed.

Her face lit up, and her hard features softened a little. She seemed to enjoy it, but I couldn't say the same. My burger looked a little less appealing now, so I started working on my fries instead. I dipped one in ketchup and ate it. I looked up expectantly at 11-7. She grabbed her large box of fries and dumped them in her mouth. Then she did something new, I watched her tongue slide out of her mouth, go down to her tray, which was like 2 feet away from her head. She scooped up most of the ketchup with her tongue, and plopped it on top of the fries in her maw. She closed her mouth and swallowed, which elicited the same reaction from her, me, and the rest of the restaurant.

My appetite had been mostly ruined. I nibbled at my burger, but only because I knew I hadn't eaten in a while. I heard 11-7 giggle, like she actually made a giggling sound. I looked up at her.

She seemed happy, much happier than when I said I didn't want a giant snake following me around. I was kind of feeling happy for her, then she decided to question me. "You aren't scared of me are you?"

I almost choked on a piece of my burger, but I washed it down with some soda. She was getting suspicious. "Uh, why do you ask?"

She squinted her crimson eyes and looked directly into mine. I started to get the same feeling that I got when Manny interrogated me. "You acted strange when you were picked up. You have been nervous the whole time, and now you're barely touching your delicious food."

Shit, and here I thought I was being careful. Looks like I'm gonna have to try harder, but I had an excellent excuse for now. "I'm not scared of you, I'm still just worried about the terrorists. It has only been two days."

She took my response seriously, and raised her chin up in a prideful manner. "You have nothing to fear. I would die before letting those rebels touch you." Great, not making me feel much better, but I'm surprised she said that. It was one thing to assume it, but it was another thing entirely to hear her say it directly to me, and proudly at that.

I decided to change the subject to one less morbid. "Have you ever been to an Advent Burger before?"

She shook her head. "No." She paused for a minute, seemingly debating whether or not to say something. "Actually, this is my first time interacting with human society."

I raised an eyebrow at that. What did that statement even mean? Whatever it did mean, she was very deliberate with how she said it. I figured I'd turn the tables on her, since she decided to probe me earlier. "Well, for your first time you didn't do too bad. Is that what all the staring was about?"

She froze, like a deer in headlights. "I don't know what you're speaking of."

I grinned, and decided to tease her further. "Oh, you know, when you were watching me eat and mimicking my every move."

Her eyebrows moved down a little, and her frown deepened. "Unless you can eat that burger in one bite, I was not mimicking you." She pointed at my burger. "Are you even going to finish it?"

I actually laughed at that. "No I can't do that. I think I'll be taking this order to go."

It was a strange experience, I almost felt like I was speaking with an actual person and not some giant alien cobra lady. Hell, the way we were bickering you might even think we were friends. Whatever, maybe I didn't have to be terrified of her. I suppose if I'm genuinely not scared of her that makes my efforts to pretend to not be scared of her, easier. I don't trust her though, and it'll be a cold day in hell before I let my guard down around her.

We talked some more, about the weather and stuff, nothing important. As we were talking I heard a camera shutter sound, or at least I thought I did. When I looked around the restaurant, I didn't see any cameras pointed at me. 11-7's novelty had worn off at this point and everyone else was more interested in their burgers. My guess is someone took a selfie, but that was my cue it was time to go. I grabbed a bag from up front, packed away my food, and got in my car. The ride home was significantly less tense than the ride to Advent Burger. 11-7 asked me if I wanted to go anywhere else, but I declined. I'd had enough of an adventure for today. Once we got back to my house I waved goodbye to the driver, and to 11-7. I went inside, threw my leftovers in the fridge, and sat down on the couch to watch tv. All things considered, today wasn't too bad. It certainly could have gone worse, and I guess I didn't hate that viper. Maybe I'd be fine with her staying around, even though I am basically forced to keep her at this point.

A few hours later I got a call from Manny, who was checking in to see what I thought of the new bodyguard. I got mad at him for not answering my call that morning, but he shrugged it off by saying he wanted me to try her out first before he got a different one. I mentioned my old driver Ron to him, and apparently he was in the hospital, but he would be out soon and go back to driving for me. I told Manny that I liked the viper, and that she could stay on as my bodyguard. Manny sounded pleased to hear that, but what he said next complicated things. He said she would be moving into my house permanently and that Advent would be bringing over furniture for her tomorrow.

Great, now this viper would be living with me. I don't know why I was shocked by this revelation, I mean the Advent troopers lived with me, but this somehow felt different. I couldn't quite place my finger on it, but it didn't really matter, there wasn't much I could do about it now that things were set in motion. I could change my mind about having her as my guard, but something equally as weird would take her place. I thanked Manny and went back to watching tv.

A marathon of Home-Wreckers was playing. It was a comedy show about rebels trying to take down a government, but due to their own incompetence they failed most of the time. It was a decent show, and one I was in. I played a new recruit named Private Johnston, who accidentally joins the group thinking it was an outdoors club. I watched this show for the rest of the day, eventually passing out on the couch.