Chapter 5

My alarm was going off. I sat up in my bed covered in sweat again, and reached over to shut it off. I couldn't remember much of my dreams now, just a vague memory of being captured by terrorists and beaten with sticks. Though I'm sure there was a part where I shot that guy in the limo again, and got diddled by a viper shortly after. God damn this sucks. I really need to get out of the house today.

Normally the feeling of cool air brushing against my skin would help wake me up, but my room was sweltering, much more heat than I was used to. I looked over at the thermostat in my room and it read 82 degrees F. Dammit, now she's fucking with the thermostat; that is where I draw the line. I threw on a pair of pants and rushed out of my bedroom. I saw the door to 11-7's room was open, so I went out to the livingroom. As I got closer the smell of cooked eggs and bacon wafted towards me. Course, I knew it wasn't really eggs and bacon, but imitation eggs and bacon usually tasted and smelled like it. I also heard what sounded like a cooking show playing on the tv.

She wasn't on the couch, so I looked in the kitchen and saw her cooking on the electric stove, using some of the eggs and bacon I had delivered to me a week ago. I was planning on cooking myself a decent breakfast with them, but never got around to it. It was quite the sight to behold: her scraping at the pan with a spatula, and humming a tune cheerfully. It wasn't one I had heard before. It sounded whimsical, and had no discernible pattern to it. She was dancing to the tune, I think. She was swaying back and forth in waves starting from her head, and going down to where her body touched the floor. I was mesmerized by how fluid and smooth the motion of her body was. She looked like she was doing a dance you might see a snake do for her snake charmer. Except she was dancing to her own tune, and I was the one who was charmed.

That smell started to get to me, which shook me from my trance. My stomach growled in anticipation as I walked up to her. I was about 2 feet away from her, and she still hadn't noticed my presence, so I cleared my throat to get her attention.

"Oh!" She stopped moving, and I saw the tip of her tail go erect for a split second. She turned her head around to look at me, still managing what was in the pan. "Good morning, Lucas. Did you sleep well?" She was wearing my white apron and a black t-shirt underneath it.

I wanted to yell at her about the thermostat, but my stomach got the better of me. "You can cook?"

11-7 giggled. "No, not before this morning." She pointed over at the tv with her tail. "I started watching these cooking shows and wanted to try it. They're very informative, they even showed how to operate the stove."

It's a miracle she didn't burn the house down while I was sleeping. "Oh, that's nice. Is that for me?" I pointed at the meat cooking in the pan.

She made a gargled hissing noise after I pointed at the pan. "You must be hungry. Sorry, but I made this for myself." Then she abandoned her post and slithered over to me. "But... if you ask nicely I might make some for you too."

She smiled at me, and normally her being this close would unnerve me, but my hunger steeled my resolve. "Could you please make me some breakfast 11-7?" I even clasped my hands together to seal the deal.

She pretended to ponder my request for a few moments. "Since you asked so nicely, I can arrange it. Now go sit down, it will be ready soon." She pointed at the couch with the spatula she was holding in her hand.

I sat down on the couch, and a few minutes later I was dining on some bland imitation scrambled eggs and bacon. It would seem she didn't pay attention to the parts of the cooking show when they seasoned what they were making. The eggs were a little on the brown side, but not burnt, and the bacon was crispy. She could have done worse, and it was still better than cereal. I threw a little salt and pepper on mine.

11-7 downed her's instantly, like how she usually eats, which still was both gross and impressive. The plate she handed me was filled to the brim. She probably cooked all the eggs and bacon that I had in my fridge. I looked over at her, and she was watching me eat through the corner of her eye. Her appetite is near insatiable, reminds me of myself. I put in a valiant effort, but I couldn't even finish half of what she handed me. Once I started to slow down I felt hungry eyes watching me with great interest. I didn't even look at her, I just handed the plate over to her, and felt her grab it. A few seconds later I heard her set the plate down.

With my hunger satiated, my rational mind started to take over again. I looked over at her angrily. "So, why'd you turn the heat on?"

She looked at me and her pupils dilated. "You keep it cold in here. I'm cold-blooded, you don't want me to freeze to death, do you?" She tilted her head down and raised her eyebrows.

Honest to god, she was trying to pull the puppy dog eyes routine. Well, the giant cobra-like humanoid eyes routine. Just how much does she know about human expression? In any case I had already eaten her bargaining chip, so I was not budging. "Don't pull that bullshit, I know you're not cold-blooded. I've seen your kind out patrolling in the freezing rain, wearing nothing but that armor that barely covers your chest."

She snorted and looked surprised. "Alright, so you know of my species. Yes my sisters and I are partially warm-blooded, but I can not get warm as easily as you can."

"Don't care, it's my house. Throw on a blanket or something, I've got like five of them in the closet over there." I pointed to the closet in the hallway that led to our rooms. "Should be enough to cover yourself."

She crossed her arms, and pouted her lips. I didn't even know she had that much control over her lips. "Fine, but don't expect me to cook you breakfast again."

I just realized I didn't even say thank you for breakfast. "Look, I appreciate the breakfast and I understand that you didn't have to do it, but you've been acting very casual since you moved in. I thought you were gonna be a hardass when I first met you, but now you act like this house is your's. Not wearing your armor, messing with my thermostat, and you could have burnt down the house while cooking breakfast."

11-7 looked a little sad after I finished my rant, and her hood contracted. "I'm sorry, this place is nicer than the barracks I was stationed in, and I was enjoying not having my superiors ordering me around. Your concerns are noted, but I am not wearing my armor unless we leave neighborhood D18, it is not very comfortable. I'd rather not wear anything, but my superiors told me I should wear these shirts so you don't get uncomfortable."

Did she just say she wants to be naked 24/7? Focus Lucas. "Ok, so let's compromise then. Keep wearing your shirts, and don't use the oven unless I am awake. Thermostat stays where I had it before, I get hot easily."

She thought over what I said and nodded. "I'll respect your wishes, but that wasn't a compromise."

I raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"What did you give up at your inconvenience?"

I'm honestly starting to believe she might be more intelligent than I've given her credit for. Even still she's my guard, not a houseguest. "I'm not making you wear your armor, and I'm letting you use the oven even though you have no training."

She stuck her chin up proudly. "I used it today with no trouble."

I looked over at the oven, and back to her. "Did you remember to turn the stove off?"

She squinted her eyes and suddenly got a serious look on her face. She slithered over to the oven. She moved so fast all I saw was an orange blur, and then she was at the oven fiddling with one of the dials on it. Now that was funny, but holy shit is she fast. If I blinked I might've missed her standing up. Kind of cute how she gets so worked up over... Right, I still need to get out of the house. What sort of bullshit can I make up?

I got up and walked over to the oven. She was still having trouble with the dial. I cleared my throat to get her attention. She looked at me and moved away. "Like this. Turn it left until it clicks to turn it off. Turn it right to increase the heat."

She nodded excitedly. I passed her and walked to the fridge. I opened the door and pretended to look for something. Wait, where's my leftovers? I didn't eat them yet. "Did you eat my burger?"

She did not respond, she just avoided looking me in the eyes.

"You're lucky you made me breakfast because if you didn't I would reach down your gullet and take my sandwich back out of you right now." I made a grabbing motion at her head, and she scrunched up her face.

"I'm joking. You don't have to take everything I say so seriously, but don't eat my leftovers again." She relaxed after I said that.

I went back to fake looking in the fridge. "Dammit, I'm out of... French onion dip. Looks like I'll have to make a trip to the grocery store."

She looked at me and squinted her eyes, flicking her tongue out slow. "You humans have a fast metabolism."

"Uh, it's not for right now, it's for later, but we should go now. I don't want to wait for it to be delivered by Advent, and no time to call for a ride." Hopefully this will take a long time.

"You want to leave now?"

"Yeah, is that a problem?"

She shook her head. "I will get my equipment then."

11-7 went to her room, and I threw on a shirt. Few minutes later we were walking down the sidewalk of my suburban neighborhood towards the gate that separated us from the city. Well, I was doing the walking, 11-7 was slithering. I watched her body undulate parallel against the ground. It's impressive how fast she can move without legs. The walk up to the gate was uneventful, but some of my neighbors gave me weird looks. It didn't surprise me, it's not like I had the time to tell everyone in the neighborhood about my new bodyguard. In fact, I don't think I've told any of them yet.

I lived away from the gate, so I could pretend I lived in a normal neighborhood, but getting close to it reminded me that I lived in a compound. 10ft tall concrete walls, turrets everywhere, with armed guards patrolling 24/7, and it wasn't just regular troopers, there were some psionic ones too.

I saw the gate exit on the sidewalk, and walked up to the scanner. It was a tall black pole with extensions up top that the scanners were in. These things check for weapons, illegal paraphernalia, that sort of a thing. I watched the Advent troopers as the red beam moved over my body. I got curious about how they worked one time, and looked up at the beam. I was temporarily blinded by it, and haven't been curious since. A trooper walked up to me and scanned my phone. "Where are you traveling, Mr. Hickey? You have no plans for today."

Oh shit, I must have forgotten to fill out the paperwork to leave my - goddamn - house. What is this, the Soviet Union? These guys better not give me a hard time. "Going to the grocery store with my guard." I pointed back at 11-7 with my thumb. "It'll be a short trip."

The advent trooper talked on his coms in Advent. He was silent for a few moments, then he waved us through. "Get what you need and return."

I was already starting to feel better. The fresh air and seeing people walking around was just what I needed. Initially I was enjoying the trip because people were giving us a wide berth, and normally the traffic is terrible. But the whole way there I kept getting more weird looks. There were even a few people that looked disgusted with me. It's not like 11-7 was my first choice, and I didn't like her much initially, but it was starting to wear on me a little. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, but it's not like I can turn back now; we were already there.

The grocery store was huge, it was probably one of those big chain ones before the invasion, and was repurposed by Advent after the invasion. We walked inside past the sliding automatic doors. The building itself was bland, basically a big warehouse with a steel ceiling lit with industrial fluorescent lights, and floored with sterile white linoleum tiles. There were plenty of colorful advertisements dotting the aisles and signs hanging from the ceiling, so you couldn't get lost. I don't know what I expected, but the customers were giving me weird looks too. Now I'm mad, not because they're looking at me weird, but because they don't seem to be directing any of their looks at 11-7. At this point I'm just gonna get the dip and leave.

As we made our way to the chip aisle, we passed a family pushing around a shopping cart. Father, mother and two kids. While passing them the mother casually put herself between the kids and us.

I shook my head, and looked back at 11-7. "Being a bit dramatic there don't ya think?" She looked at me and shrugged. I guess she was used to this kind of attention more than I was.

I saw the sign for the chip aisle and made my way to the potato chips. I reached for a bag of standard potato chips, and I felt 11-7 back up into me. I looked at the back of her head and saw her hood was flaring out.

"Woah 11-7, what's up."

She leaned her head over to me, but didn't take her eyes off of the target. "An adolescent male was running towards you." Then she returned her head to its usual position. "Leave the area, or I will be authorized to use lethal force."

I couldn't believe my ears. She just threatened to shoot someone I can't even see. "Holy shit, 11-7, you need to calm down. You don't have to pull out the lethal force immediately."

She stayed focused on whoever was running towards me. "I will not shoot if he is not hostile." There was hostility in her voice and it was directed at the guy.

Since she was clearly not going to figure out who this guy was, I decided to. "Hey, uh - what do you want?" I asked the guy I couldn't see.

I saw a young man sidestep into view. He kept his distance from 11-7, and from me.

He looked both scared and excited. I'm sure a giant humanoid cobra brandishing a plasma rifle threatening you with lethal force wasn't helping with that, but since he didn't run away immediately that must mean he's got something important to say. He looked rather unassuming, dressed in sweatpants, a t-shirt, and he was wearing a Starship Rangers hat. Starship Rangers was a Sci-fi movie that had its story continued with a tv show. I played a character in the movie. He took a deep breath and spoke. "Are you Lucas... Lucas Hickey? The guy who played Captain Wilkins in Starship Rangers?"

That made my day. I don't get recognized too often by fans, and I was more than happy to humor him. "Why yes, I am. Now cadet, who are you, and who cleaned your uniform?"

He must have really appreciated that line because he laughed so hard he snorted. "Private Cody reporting for duty sir." He put his hand up in a space cadet salute, and we both laughed. 11-7 gave us some space and was eyeing us both curiously. "I love Starship Rangers, and Captain Wilkins is my favorite character. Could I uh, get your autograph, please?"

"Sure, got something to write with, and something to sign?"

"I was actually buying some permanent markers for labeling, I'm sure they won't mind if I open them early. Here, sign my hat." He yanked his hat off his head and presented it to me.

I grabbed the hat and a marker and wrote "Cadet Cody. Forever forwards, never backwards (Starship Rangers slogan), and signed my name. "Here ya go."

He was giddy with excitement and snatched the hat from me, putting it on his head as fast as he could. "Thank you so much, I can't wait to tell my friends about this."

"You're welcome. Always happy to meet a fan, but I better not see that hat up for sale on the internet tonight."

He nodded, but instead of leaving he paused and took his time looking 11-7 over and then looked back at me. He started snickering to himself as he spoke. "Don't worry about what other people think; If I was you, I would have done the same thing. I'm even a little jealous."

I wanted to ask him what he meant by that, but he scuttled off down the aisle. Just a weirdo I guess. I'd had more than enough weird for today, but I had only half of what I needed.

It took less time to reach the dairy isle. I was still getting weird looks, but meeting that fan energized me. As I located the dip 11-7 tapped me on my shoulder. "That human over there has been taking pictures of you."

"Huh" I looked over to where she gestured, and sure enough there was a guy with a camera standing partially behind a stack of 12 packs of soda.

She continued to point at him. "Do you want me to deal with him?"

I chuckled. "Oh, no. I'm flattered, I didn't think I was important enough for paparazzi." I yelled over to the guy. "Hey guy you don't have to hide! You can take all the pictures you want! You want an autograph?"

The man stepped out from behind the soda and walked towards me. He looked as sleazy as a used car salesman with a haircut to match. Dressed in a greasy polo and cargo shorts. He seemed surprised that I called to him, but walked up to me all the same.

I've never really dealt with paparazzi before, so I just decided to be direct. "Is there like a pose you want or something?"

The man smiled. "Well, if you'd be so kind, could I get a picture of you next to your bodyguard there?" He pointed at 11-7.

I was a bit confused. "I guess, but why do you care about my bodyguard? Aren't you here to take pictures of me?"

The man positioned himself to get a shot of both me and 11-7, and took a few pictures. "Well uh, I was just trying to get a few shots of the Advent snake fucker and his lover together."

My mind went blank. "Excuse me, what?"

He kept looking through his camera. "Now gimme a shot of you two kissin or huggin or somethin."

What? I looked at 11-7. She looked just as confused as me. Suddenly what he was saying clicked in my head, and it really pissed me off. "Get him the fuck away from me, 11-7."

She hissed, slithering forward, she shoved the paparazzi guy with the side of her rifle, which knocked him down to the floor.

He climbed to his feet and shouted as he ran away. "Geeze, you asked."

She tensed up and looked ready to pursue him. "It's not worth it. He didn't commit a crime, it's not like he can be arrested."

What the hell was going on. Is that why I've been getting weird looks all day? I went onto the internet on my phone and looked up my name. A bunch of recently made articles popped up about me. Turns out someone got pictures of me and 11-7 together when I went to Advent Burger, and all these articles have labeled it as a date since we ate together. I scrolled through article after article, in horror, reading theoretical gossip about my love life. They said my personal life is a mystery to the general public and connected that to my new bodyguard. Apparently she is the only "woman" I've been seen in public with for a long time, and I guess that means that eating and chatting with my fucking bodyguard was a date. I'm not going to try to understand their logic here because there is none. I don't really know how to say this, but to put it bluntly I've been branded as a Viper fucker by the media. Dammit, I was just trying to make sure Advent didn't find out I withheld information in my report, I didn't want any of this.

Life just isn't fair, why is this happening. I specifically wanted to get away from this and now it's being thrown in my face. I've gotta get into contact with Manny to talk about this. He... he can fix this, but first I gotta get home.

11-7 put her hand on my shoulder. "Are you ok Lucas?"

I shoved her hand off me. "Yeah, I'm fine. Let's just get the dip and leave." I wasn't leaving empty handed, especially after all this humiliation. Every single person that gave me a weird look today thinks I'm boning my bodyguard. Bastards, I'll skin every single one of these journalists myself.

I was checked out by a cute cashier, so I smiled at her. In response she rolled her eyes at me. I couldn't even get a smile back.

The walk home was more humiliating than I had expected. I was no longer ignorant to why people looked at me, and every face I saw was etched into my mind. Could I blame them for their disgust, no. I'd heard of scandals like this before, but they were few and far between. And I've never heard of a celebrity doing something like this. What made it worse was that I couldn't be mad at them. The general population only knows what they are told, it's the media's fault for tarnishing my reputation.

Even though I know the Advent troopers could care less about anything other than their job, I couldn't help but feel like they too were judging me when I passed through the gate to my neighborhood.

Finally we reached my house. I opened up the door and sat on the couch slouching in defeat. I heard 11-7 shut the front door and lock it. I looked up and watched her slither towards her room. As she moved past she cast a sympathetic glance my way, but did not say anything. I held my head in my hands and looked at the carpeted floor. Where to begin? I suppose I should call Manny, but if he's any good at his job he probably already knows... and he told me nothing about it.

I dialed Manny's number and called. I heard it ring three times and he picked up.

"Mr. Hickey, I was wondering when you would call."

I'd love to argue with Manny about why he didn't tell me, but he's been my manager since the beginning, so I knew it wouldn't be productive. "Cut the crap Manny. What the hell is going on?"

I heard Manny chuckle through the receiver. "Well Mr. Hickey, I think the articles speak for themselves. You've been fraternizing with Advent property."

Yup, back to the same ol' Manny, never listening to a goddamn thing I say. I'm sure playing these little games is the only pleasure he gets from his miserable existence. "Manny you know they aren't true. You already know how I feel about alie... non-human earthlings."

"Yes Mr. Hickey, I'm well aware of your... sentiments. These articles are nothing short of slander."

It felt good to know at least one person in this city didn't think I had a thing for alien snake women. "So, what should we do?"

"You will do nothing, Mr. Hickey. Continue to enjoy your vacation. I, will perform damage control. I believe we may be able to spin this to our advantage, but I will have to get into contact with some of my associates."

I've been in a lotta situations lately where I'm just helpless. I don't know why I even bother. "So, I should just do nothing?"

"I did not say to do nothing Mr. Hickey. Remember what we discussed yesterday? You should focus on getting yourself back to functioning form once your vacation is over. Do you understand?"

Well, at least I'm not under house arrest. "I understand, Manny."

"Good, if you need anything at all send me a message. I'm going to be very busy for the next few days, and I won't be answering any unexpected phone calls."

My moping was unfortunately interrupted by my monopedal roommate. "Lucas, I heard what you said to your manager. I wish to apologize for forcing you to take me into that restaurant. I hadn't realized you humans liked to gossip so much."

I raised my head slightly to look at 11-7. She was out of her armor and in a black tank top. Her hood was almost pulled to her head and she was fidgeting around with her hands. She looked sad and maybe even guilty. Too bad her being sorry wouldn't help me. This extraterrestrial serpent is what got me in this damn situation in the first place. Sure, if I had a sectoid guarding me it would read my mind, but at least people wouldn't gossip about whether or not I was fucking it. "You know, for someone who doesn't have ears, you sure hear a lot."

She nodded. "It's a part of my assignment. If I wasn't so observant, I would not have been picked."

The grocery trip had sapped most of my energy, and I didn't have enough to be angry. So my response was dry. "That wasn't a compliment. I meant you are nosy, which is impressive considering you don't have a nose."

She looked confused for a few moments before she realized what I was saying. Then she put her hands on her weird human-like hips and frowned. "I already knew from the articles you looked at. This has made you distressed, are you alright?"

"Why do you even care? It's not like this affects you," I spat, shrugging my shoulders. Her response was a blank stare and silence. I rubbed my face with my hand and chuckled. "The only reason my manager cares at all is because I'm no use to Advent with a tarnished reputation." I stopped smiling. "- So what's your angle, huh? Why so you care?"

She cocked her head, flicking her tongue out slower. "Angle - I do not understand. I take some responsibility for what happened, and I wish this situation had not occurred."

A smirk crossed my face and I shook my head. I doubt she was being honest. "That's real nice. Did Advent teach you to say that?"

Her natural scowl deepened. "I received training on human interaction, but that sentence was of my mind." She stuck her neck out and pointed at her head for emphasis.

I didn't know how to respond to that, so she spoke again. "This discussion is off track. Do you want to talk about this event?" She looked down at the floor for a moment before continuing. "I understand speaking about things is beneficial for you. - Humans I am referring to."

I let out a sigh. "No, I don't. - And no offence, but you would be the last thing I'd want to talk about this with right now." I don't know why I said thing, it just came out as I spoke.

She snorted upon hearing me say thing, and squinted her eyes. "That is fine, I'll leave you then. Enjoy your evening alone, Lucas," She snapped. I was no stranger to pissing people off, but hearing the word alone struck a chord with me.

Before I could say anything, she turned around and slid into her room, closing the door behind her with her tail. I didn't stop her, my decision leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I stared at the floor and rubbed my temples. Dammit, it's always something. Terrorist attacks or PR crises, I just can't catch a break. Guess I'll just have to hope Manny pulls through for me, I don't think I've ever had a rumor about me, this damaging, spread around. So, he'll have his work cut out for him this time.

I sighed and looked up at the blank tv screen, taking in my downcast reflection. Best to not dwell on things. Maybe some movies can distract me. I turned on the tv and killed some time.

I was able to take my mind off the PR crisis somewhat, but something kept creeping up in the back of my mind as I watched whatever mind numbing thing was on the tv. I felt... bad? - I felt bad about the way I spoke to my bodyguard. - Why? Titillating features aside, she was just another one of Advent's freakshows they controlled. But that conversation I had with her yesterday... and she seemed upset with me before she stormed off to her room. Maybe she has emotions. She could be crying in her room right now, while I am contemplating this, and I wouldn't even know.

It was a funny thing to imagine, a 15 ft long alien with claws, that could kill me with ease, sobbing into her bed because I was being a dick to her. That probably wasn't happening, but entertaining that thought at all made me feel worse. At least she has spoken to me about something other than work, that's more than I could say for the hybrids. I'm so used to being around those... biological automatons, that I treated her like one of them...

I am not apologizing to her. Nope, I am not gonna do it. It is her fault I am in this situation, if she wasn't present at Advent burger this wouldn't have happened. I'm the one in trouble, not her. My reputation is on the line, and here she is... trying to get me to talk about it. God, have these last few years really made me that cynical? When she threatened to use lethal force on that fan today that was insane, but she calmed down after I told her to relax. And, she hasn't tried to do anything to me - yet. Maybe - what I saw - outside the limo, was an isolated case. Even mentioning that made me shudder, I shook these thoughts from my head. Could she be different from what I was used to?

She was already better than my old bodyguards because they never made me breakfast before, - but if I stop being useful to Advent because my reputation gets ruined beyond repair... I have more important things to worry about than my bodyguard's hypothetical feelings. I continued to watch the tv until it was late enough to justify going to bed.

As I got up to go to bed, I turned around in the hallway and looked back at the living room. Moonlight trickled in through the blinds and cast a shadow on my couch, highlighting just how empty that big thing was. It wasn't so empty last night... A weak smile crossed my face as I remembered the time I spent with her yesterday. Maybe... I sighed. I should be in bed now.

As I crawled in, my thoughts shifted to the day's events. It only took one day to ruin my career. I suppose it's fitting, considering it took me one day to build it. Damn those journalists, damn them all. And damn everyone else for buying the crap they push. I fell into an uneasy sleep after some time.