It must be hours later when something changes. A sound. Someone at the door.
Jian tenses, ready to bolt. There's nowhere to run, she can't hope to hide, but fear is irrational. She's not ready to die yet.
The door slides open and Lynx steps in, a disappointed expression on her face. "Hey, dear, how about we get you dressed? It's not like you can go back to your quarters like this."
"My quarters?" Jian asks numbly.
"Yes, of course." Lynx walks towards the archon's closet. "You do know where they are, right? I'd hope so, given that you've spent several nights there already."
Jian still can't take her eyes off her. "He's not going to sell me?"
"He gave you his word he wouldn't, did he not? For him that actually means something." Her tone is scolding, as though she's talking to a particularly stubborn child. Jian wonders if she speaks this way to everyone, or if it's just because she's under her care.
"He's so angry, though…" She can feel her body starting to uncoil, her crouched posture relaxing just a bit. If Lynx isn't worried or furious, than maybe everything is okay?
"Hurt, not angry. There's a difference. And even if he was, he would still honor his word." Lynx reappears, carrying a dark grey bathrobe.
"I shouldn't have said what I did." Jian isn't sure why she feels guilty, but now that the initial horror has settled, it's there. Perhaps it's only because Lynx seems to think she's done wrong.
"Then why did you?"
"Because I don't understand why he's wasting time on me when he could have you or any other girl in this place."
Lynx rolls her eyes. "Obviously he wanted you instead. Even if you have managed to get him to doubt himself by implying he only cares about your convenient bodily openings."
"But I don't have anything else to give him." she says quietly. The acute terror of the archon's anger has faded, replaced with the dull ache that's been there since she woke up in the hold. The feeling of being worthless.
"Well, congratulations. You've managed to scare away someone who thinks you're more than that." She sits down on the edge of the bed and places a hand on Jian's shoulder. "And no, you're not getting sold, don't worry about that. You just managed to get him to question himself."
The words are the end of Jian's fortitude. She falls into her arms and starts to cry.
"There, there." Lynx strokes her hair. "You don't have to worry about it anymore."
"Why not?" She'll have to find some way to make it up to him or be reminded of her failure here every day for the rest of her life. However long that is.
"I doubt he'll ask for your company again unless you seek him out on your own," Lynx replies matter-of-factly.
"Oh."
Lynx sighs. "It's nothing against you, I just don't think he'll be able to look at you without starting to hate himself. But don't worry, you're not going to be sold and I'm not going anywhere."
The embrace tightens and Jian closes her eyes, trying to untangle everything she feels. "I didn't want to hurt him." She was trying to be a good slave. A useful one. One who would be worth keeping around for a long, long time.
"Well, you did, and you cannot change that. You just have to decide how you want to move forward."
"But you said seeing me will make it worse."
"If he's the one who summons you, yes. But if you go of your own free will, there is a different dynamic. You will have to decide if that's something you want to do, though, to decide what kind of future you want and exactly why you don't trust him."
Jian nods into Lynx's shoulder. "Can I go back to my room? I'll think about it on the way, I promise."
"Of course." Lynx helps her into a soft bathrobe and takes her by the hand to lead her away. Jian follows, as quiet and compliant as she's ever been.
In her room, she allows herself to be stripped and helped into a bath, replacing the smell of sex with a pleasing floral scent and relaxing the tension from her tired muscles. Next, she puts on the provided nightgown- another flimsy satin piece- and climbs into bed, where Lynx places a wide leather belt around her waist. Jian flinches as a bed of needles pricks to her skin, remembering involuntarily the glass tube and her agonized dance. But instead, a warm glow spreads over her. The aches from the archon's rough treatment melt away and she can feel a strange lightness to her head. Maybe some kind of drug injected by the needles. It carries her away on the river of her own thoughts and through the colorful clouds of her mind.
How long she lays there and drowses, she's unsure, but when she finally opens her eyes, Lynx is still sitting in a chair next to her bed, eyes closed, but lacking some of the stillness of real sleep. She stirs and looks over as soon as Jian moves. "Is everything alright?"
"I wanted him to hurt me."
"Why?"
"Because the longer I waited for it, the worse it would be. I just wanted him to get it over with," she's whispers. Admitting that she has less than complete affection for the lord, even if it's only to Lynx, feels like a dangerous game.
"Sweetie, the chances that you'd be able to push him far enough that he'd want to bring you pain while we're in Commorragh are astronomically low."
"Why?" Jian pushes herself up on her elbow and adjusts her position. The needles bite into her skin again, but it's not the worst sensation with all the pleasantness accompanying it.
She sighs. "Haven't you figured it out yet? He's an incredibly powerful and sensitive empath, in Commorragh. Do you really believe he's in the mood to cause additional pain to the people in his vicinity, or do you think he'd try to drown out the residual hurt any way he could?" She says this like it's obvious and Jian is very stupid for not figuring it out.
Jian can only stare back, confused. What is Lynx talking about? How was she supposed to have known that?
Lynx bites her lip. "But you didn't hear this from me. Seriously, you didn't."
"Not a word."
"But no, he doesn't plan to put you through some horrible torture to get his kicks."
It's as though she's been stuck in a highly pressurized chamber since the moment the collar locked around her neck and Lynx's words have broken a hole to let the air rush out. "Really?"
"I promise. Was there something else on your mind?"
Jian doesn't respond, staring at the dark grey folds of the curtains keeping the light out of the room. Maybe this isn't real. Maybe it's all some elaborate lie to make her fear all the greater when he turns on her. But surely this was far too much work to go to? Surely there would have been far better ways to terrorize her? A strange thought fills her mind.
What if he's telling the truth about what he wants?
She's never going home. She's known that since the moment she saw the city. Really, since the moment her mother had warned of raiders approaching. She belongs to the archon now, as she'd been trying so hard to remember during their interactions. If she doesn't serve him in his bedroom, what is the alternative? He promised not to sell her, but she'll have to work somehow. No one would a slave that can't do anything. There are likely a great deal of worse positions in the kabal he could send her to. Even when he eventually grows bored of her, if she has connections with others in the kabal, she might be able to find a softer place to land.
"Maybe I should try again."
"If that's what you want?" Lynx sounds excited, hopeful.
"I think it could be." Eventually, she will get used to his attentions, she supposes. Some small, traitorous part of her wonders if the might even become pleasant after long enough.
"Excellent." As if she's reading her mind, Lynx reaches out to place a supportive hand on her shoulder. "You deserve the chance to be happy again, Vixen. Do you want to go right away? Or do you want me to stay here and keep you company and you can try again in the morning?"
"Do you think he'd see me now?"
"Of course. Here, let's find you something to wear."
They work quickly to comb Jian's hair, give her a light touch of makeup, and get her dressed in a robe. It's really the most comfortable and decent thing she's been allowed to have since before her capture. Although it still leaves a huge amount of her chest exposed and comes with yet another pair of high, spiked heels, it feels like a slightly saucier version of something she could have worn at home.
The work proceeds quickly. Jian is afraid she'll lose her nerve if she delays too long, and Lynx seems eager to smooth things over between her and the archon. They finish the job and Jian follows Lynx out the door, back straight and hands clenched in the folds of her robe.
Unsurprisingly, they don't return to the archon's suite. Instead, they walk down several staircases and along endless hallways to an elevator she doesn't recognize, which lets out in the gardens that surround the spire. Jian pauses. "Thank you for all the help, Lynx. Without you, I would have gone insane here, I'm sure."
"Don't worry dear." She smiles. "The archon is just over that hill, through the gate. It should be unlocked, just go in."
She follows the directions and, indeed, finds herself at a small wrought-metal gate. It opens at her touch and she follows the path into a small grove. It's beautiful. Surrounded by trees, with thick, plush grass covering the ground and a sweet scent wafting through the air from more than a dozen beds of golden and white roses. She's painfully reminded of home.
The archon sits on a stone bench near the center. He doesn't look up at Jian's approach, so she waits to be acknowledged, heart pounding. He wears the colorless outfit that seems to be the norm for him, a loose white shirt with fitted black pants and high, armored boots. A coat is slung over one shoulder and he stares sadly at the flowers. They seem to entirely consume his attention.
After nearly fifteen minutes of silence, he speaks without looking up. "Are you just going to stay there all night, or do you want to come join me?" He sounds listless, as though he's too tired even to put emotion in his voice.
Jian braces herself, then begins to walk towards him. "I came to beg your forgiveness."
He shrugs and a flash of something - pain? Annoyance? – crosses his face. "You have nothing to apologize for, Vixen. You only spoke your mind. And the truth."
"But I should not have said it. I let my fears convince me you were lying, despite the lack of evidence." Is what she's saying true? Does she believe it? She doesn't know anymore. All she knows is that this is what needs to be said to keep a hold on this relationship that's the only thing standing between her and centuries of torment.
"I know this hasn't been easy for you. And I know that my treatment of you may not have been the best. But it is something I am prepared to work on." He looks up and finally meets her eyes. "I'm willing to do what it takes to earn your trust."
She bows her head. "And I'm willing to let you try."
"Just talk to me. And don't invite me to sleep with you and then turn around and accuse me for sleeping with you, okay?"
"I can do that." It wasn't what she'd been trying to do, but it wasn't worth arguing over. At least he doesn't seem upset anymore. She should make some gesture to show that she's willing to act on her words. She closes the gap between the two of them and sits on the bench at his side. Silence stretches for a few moments. "What would you like to talk about?"
He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "I honestly don't know what to say. I want to get to know you, but you don't seem to want to talk about your old life, your interests, your thoughts…"
"I'm sorry," Jian replies. Perhaps it has been frustrating for him. "My old life, the memories, they just bring me pain. We could talk about hobbies, though?"
"Sure. By all means…" He trails off, leaving them in silence. His right arm, Jian notices, is hanging in a sling and the hand is completely covered in heavy bandages.
She frowns, then says experimentally "I told you I liked to sing… Do you sing at all?"
"Not really." He wraps his free arm around her, and to her surprise, the gesture is a completely non-sexual one. His hand remains still and light on her waist and he doesn't even attempt to explore her body or feel through the robe. "I am very fond of drawing, though. My time for it has been extremely scarce since I ascended to the head of this kabal, but I still enjoy it when I get the chance."
"What kinds of things do you like to draw?"
"Anything, really, but I have a special fondness for flowers, and technical drawings of starships."
"You seem rather fond of plants."
For the first time that evening, she gets a real grin from him. "I do. Plants and reptiles both, they're one of my passions in life." His voice matches his expression. "The fact that they both tend to have interesting chemical interactions with other beings is just a bonus."
"You mean like in the alchemy you do here?"
"Among other things, yes." He sighs as he looks back at the flowers, good mood apparently gone. "But more importantly I love the way they smell and move in the wind, even an artificial one like this. It's almost like they're dancing with an invisible partner."
"Flowers are pretty. But I'm not very good with them. Everything I tried to grow died." Not for lack of trying on Father's part, she thinks with a bittersweet smile.
He moves his hand to her back and starts slowly rubbing it. "What about animals, then?"
"A bit better, I think. I've never had one die in my care. But it's certainly not a gift of mine."
"And not a significant interest, either?"
"I mean, I like cute, fuzzy things as much as the next aeldari. But I wouldn't say so, no."
"So my plan of seducing you in a gyrinx costume is doomed to failure?" he teases.
She grins through her snort of ridicule. "Please don't."
The conversation lulls for a moment before she speaks again. "Maybe you could tell me about some of your plants sometime?" This whole thing feels strangely normal. For just a moment, she could forget where she was. Who she was talking to. Even if it has all come back now.
"Of course! What would you like to know?"
"Um. I guess which ones are your favorites? And what they do?"
"Hmm…" After considering for a moment, the archon takes her by the hand and leads her out of the grove, into the endless rows of garden beds and hedges. Jian is soon lost among the twisting pathways, but he seems to know exactly where he's going.
When they stop, it's in a patch of what looks like some relative of a voidthistle, but with denser, darker leaves and a purplish tinge to the stems. He produces a tiny silver knife and guides her hands with his own as she cuts the leaves from their stems. She doesn't need the help- she's perfectly familiar with cutting all sorts of things, including garden plants- but lets him instruct her anyway. Carrying the results in his cupped hands, he leads her back to the rose garden, where she finds a bowl of glowing coals sitting on the edge of the terrace, a teapot resting in its center and a tray with a pair of black stone cups next to it.
Motioning for her to sit next to him on the grass, the archon bends over the pot for a moment before joining her and instructing her on how best to crush the leaves for maximum flavor. When they finish, he declares the water ready and pours it into the cup before using a mesh spoon to strain the leaves. Jian watches intently, grateful for something to do or look at outside of herself and her own situation. This, too, isn't new information, tea has been a passion of hers for decades, but she doesn't want to ruin the moment by pointing this out.
She raises the cup to her lips to drink, but the archon's hand on her arm arrests the movement. "No, wait! Hand that to me."
Curious, she passes it to him. He pulls yet another pair of small cylinders from his pocket. The first contains a pile of parchment-like strips, one of which he dips into her tea, while the other is full of swabs that he uses to wipe the rim of the cup before tapping it on the unused end of the strip. He scrutinizes it for a moment before returning the drink to her. "There you are."
Jian raises an eyebrow as he puts away the items. "Testing for poisons?"
"Yes. I check every bit of food and drink that I consume, and I've tested everything you've had since you've been here as well."
"Do you think someone might try to poison me?"
"More likely that they would be targeting me, but you never know. This is Commorragh, after all. If there's ever something you're unsure of, ask me or Lynx about it. I trust her with my life, and with yours too."
She lets the comment stand as she takes an experimental sip of the tea. It's delicious. The leaves have a delicate, almost honey-like flavor and they've steeped the perfect amount, even if it's nearly scalding hot. As she drinks, she feels some slight relaxation spreading through her, a minor release of the tension that's filled her for as long as she can remember now. She never thought she'd get a cup of tea again.
The archon watches her expressions as he slowly drinks his own beverage. "It's not a drug, you can drink as much as you like without worrying about side effects, although repeat doses aren't any more calming than one. I know many craftworlds have their own traditional teas just as we do here. I'll have someone show you where anything you need is growing, and you should feel absolutely free to take as much as you like."
"Thank you." She continues drinking, watching him out of the corner of her eye as she does. He seems mostly focused on the cup in his hands, but will occasionally steal a glance of his own in her direction. This was not, she suspects, his true favorite plant, but an opportunity to share the experience and the tea with her. It's curious, and hints perhaps at a sincere desire to follow through on his words. Like his foot massages and his nice food, there was no need.
When she looks up again, he's staring at her and his eyes have taken on a strange, glassy quality. "Is something wrong?"
"No, not at all, quite the contrary," he says quietly.
What does she say to that? "Well, I'm glad I could make you happy." There's something else that needs to be said, while she's here. "I meant it, you know. When I said I was sorry about what happened to your friend."
"Thank you." He lets out his breath slowly. "And I am sorry for how much your life must have changed since you came here. I'm sure it hasn't been easy for you."
Hasn't been easy… And in that moment, the beginnings of calmness and peace that have started to make their way into her heart are gone and she can feel her face collapsing. An instant later, the archon has his arm wrapped around her, pulling her to him. Yet again, she notices the difference from the many, many hours she's spent in his embrace before. The hunger is still there, yes. He still desires her, she's certain. But there is also a protective element that keeps his arm around her shoulders and his lips away from her flesh.
The bandaged hand is pressed between them, and through her grief and confusion, she notices that something feels odd about it. Too soft, perhaps. "Is your hand alright?" Her voice comes out muffled by his shoulder.
"It's fine." The archon buries his face in her hair, where he remains still, his breathing ragged but steady.
How long they stay like that, Jian has no idea. Much longer than she thought she would want to, for certain. And when she pulls away, he puts up no resistance. "Thank you for giving me a second chance," he says.
Jian looks down. She's not sure how to respond.
"What do you want to do now? Would you like to take a walk with me through the garden? Or to be alone for a while?"
"I think… I think I'm tired. I would like to go to bed. If you don't mind?"
"No, that's just fine." He holds out a hand to help her up. "It is rather late."
She should say something, something to help him know she's serious. "Perhaps I could see you again tomorrow? We could have a meal together?"
"Then I will see you for dinner tomorrow night, sweet Vixen."
The trip back to her room is uneventful and the archon leaves her to enter on her own with a chaste kiss on the lips. As soon as she enters, she finds Lynx waiting for her on the bed.
"Well? How did it go?"
"Good, I think?"
Lynx nods eagerly. "Go on."
"I apologized for my behavior. We walked in the garden and he made me tea. We're eating dinner together tomorrow night."
"Well, that doesn't sound like a bad evening to me." She moves to help Jian out of her robes and into bed. "After all, how could it have been much better under the circumstances?"
"You're right. Thank you for all your help." She's growing more exhausted by the second, the aches in her back and stomach and hips are starting to return, and the emotions of the day are too overwhelming to do much more than agree automatically with everything said.
"The pleasure has been all mine, I promise. Should I wake you up with breakfast tomorrow?"
"Okay." She should do something to show she means it here, too. "And if you ever need help with your things as well, just ask me."
"Interested in joining the sisterhood, are you?" Lynx teases as Jian takes her place in the bed.
"I don't know. But I want to make your life easier. Like you're making mine."
"Do you enjoy games? I would love someone to play athlanan with and Vathiel prefers cards. I play chess as well, if you'd prefer?"
"I love chess." She manages a small smile. Another chance to engage her mind with something that has nothing to do with her own body or situation. The gifts keep coming this evening.
"It's settled then. I'll see you the evening after next." She pulls the blankets over Jian and gets ready to depart. "Good night dear, I'll see you in the morning."
She turns out the light, leaving Jian in darkness.
The perpetual twilight of Commorragh remains unchanged through the long hours of artificial night. The archon's concubine lies awake for hours, alone in the huge, plush bed. When her thoughts become too much to bear, she climbs from the bed and settles on the window seat, staring out at the garden from a cocoon of blankets. There she stays until her handler returns, whispering to herself and running her fingers along the smooth silver of the chains she has begun to accept.