"Garçon? Your finest specials to go, please." Flynn called out as we entered the Snuggly Duckling, where Rapunzel and I gasped in shock at the sight of the roughest, toughest thugs imaginable.
Even the cats hissed at our prescence.
"On second thought," I said. "I'm not that hungry."
I tried to walk away, but Flynn stopped me, saying. "There's nothing to be scared about, Nate. Come on, take a deep breath through the nose. Really, let that seep in."
Flynn gave me and Rapunzel a nudge inside as the thugs coldly stared at us.
"What are you getting?" asked Flynn. "Because to me, it's part man smell and the other part is really bad man smell. I don't know why, but overall, it smells like the color brown. You have thoughts?"
Just then, a voice rang out. "Is that Nathan?"
Realizing who said that, I groaned. "Oh, no. Not here, not now."
Before I knew it, I was grabbed by...a familiar woman with blue hair.
"Uh...hi, Marie." I greeted nervously.
Marie looked at me closer, then concluded. "Yep, that's Nathan, all right."
At the sound of Pascal shrieking upon seeing another familiar woman with orange hair covering her eyes in front of him, Rapunzel aimed her frying pan.
"What's a good-looking guy like you doin' in a place like this?" asked the orange-haired woman.
"Friends of yours, I take it?" asked Flynn.
I sighed because I knew that, like the Eds, Rapunzel had to know who those girls are.
"These are the Kankers from 'Ed, Edd n Eddy;' Lee, May and Marie."
"Speaking of our boyfriends," said May. "Have you seen them lately?"
Again, I sighed because how many times do the Kankers have to know this?
"May, we've told you before." I said. "The Eds are not your boyfriends!"
"They are, too, our boyfriends." said Marie. "When was the last time they mentioned us?"
"Pfft. Never!" I replied. "The Eds never talk about you. Why would anyone ever fall for a trio of bullies like you?"
"Oh, Snapple!" exclaimed Flynn.
"What do you say?!" asked an angry Lee.
"You heard me." I said. "You're nothing but a trio of bullies who don't care if the Eds are scared to see you. All you can think about is having them for your own selfish wants!"
"Oooh!" exclaimed the thugs.
"Heh, this oughta be good." said Alley.
"Yeah, definitely good." agreed Pan.
"OK, trash talk is one thing," Rapunzel said to me. "But that was just mean."
"But it's true!" I said. "They don't care that..."
"Listen, Mr. Bodyguard." said May, pushing Rapunzel out the way as she, Lee and Marie walked up to me menacingly. "We're smart, you're dumb!"
"So are you." said Lee.
"Hey!"
"We're big, you're little!" said Marie.
"We're right, you're WRONG!" added Lee.
"No, I'm..." I began to protest, backing up against the wall, which started to crack, but Lee rudely cut me off, saying. "The Eds are, too, our boyfriends! They will always be our boyfriends! And there ain't nothing you can do to keep us apart!"
"Hey, back off." said Rapunzel, who got in the way between me and the Kankers, whom she aimed her pan at. "Or I'll..."
"You'll what? Fry up some eggs?" laughed Lee.
"Now, just..." Rapunzel began, only to be cut off by Marie, who said. "I'll have mine sunny-side up."
"Hold on." said Rapunzel, only to be interrupted by May, who asked. "Over-easy for me, please?"
Just then, there was a STOMP!
We all turned to see one of the thugs, Valdimir, holding up a poster...of Flynn, whom he asked. "Is this you?"
The Kankers, Rapunzel and I looked at Flynn, who blurted out. "I've never seen him before in my life!"
"Don't try to deny it." sneered Hook Hand, another one of the thungs. "We know it's you. And that reward's gonna buy me a new hook."
"I could use the money!" May said, grabbing Flynn, who was, then, grabbed by Marie, who added. "Yeah, for something stupid!"
"Oh, no, you don't! He's mine!" said Lee, who tried to pull Flynn away.
"Back off, sister!" said Marie, trying to pull Flynn back.
"No, you back off!" said May as she tried to pull Flynn back.
Soon, every thug in the bar fought to get their hands on him.
Realizing the Kankers were about to do the same thing to Flynn as they've done to the Eds, I hurried over there.
"Nathan, don't!" pleaded Rapunzel.
"I say we split him up three ways." suggested Lee as she and her sisters tugged on Flynn.
"No, I won't let you take him." I said, trying to tug him away, only for Lee to grab my arm, which I tried to break free from her strong grip.
"If you won't let us have the Eds," she said coldly, while progressing a wicked smile on her face. "We'll just make boyfriends out of you!"
With that, she tossed me on top of Flynn.
"Great idea, Lee." said Marie.
Once the Kankers applied some lipstick, they closed in on us.
"Pucker up, hot lips." said Marie.
"No, that's not what I meant!" I pleaded.
"Put those lips together and make like a..."
Before May could continue, she was knocked unconscious.
Rapunzel had hit May on the back of her head with her pan.
"Leave them alone!" she demanded.
"Come over here and make us." sneered Marie.
"Look, I don't want to see anyone get hurt," said Rapunzel. "And I need them to take me to see the lanterns, because I've been dreaming about them my entire life. Find your humanity! Haven't any of you ever had a dream?"
I looked at Flynn, asking. "Did we promise to do something like that?"
"I said nothing of the sort!" said Flynn.
Suddenly, Hook Hand pulled out his axe and walked towards Rapunzel menacingly.
I tried to stop him, but Lee restrained me from doing so.
"Say goodbye to your little girlfriend, boys!" she cackled wickedly.
But instead of harming Rapunzel once he got close to her, Hook Hand confessed. "I had a dream once."
He, then, tossed his axe into the wall, scaring a nearby prisoner, who started to play the accordion.
"WHAAAAAAAAT?" asked Flynn, surprised with what's going on.
Hook Hand:
I'm malicious, mean and scary
My sneer could curdle dairy
And violence-wise, my hands are not the cleanest
But despite my evil look,
And my temper and my hook
I've always yearned to be a concert pianist
Can'tcha see me on the stage performin' Mozart?
Tickling the ivories 'til they gleam?
Yep, I'd rather be called deadly
For my killer show-tune medley
Thank you!
'Cause way down deep inside
I've got a dream.
Thug Chorus:
He's got a dream!
He's got a dream!
"Karaoke hour, already?" asked May, who had just regained consciousness.
Hook Hand:
See, I ain't as cruel and vicious as I seem!
Though I do like breaking femurs
You can count me with the dreamers
Like everybody else
I've got a dream!
As Pascal watched, Sylvester caught a glimpse at the little chameleon.
But before he could get closer, there was a FLASH!
Pan had just taken a picture of both Pascal and Sylvester, who, then, fainted.
Unaware of what just happened, Pascal only shrugged and listened to the other thugs singing out their dreams.
Big Nose:
I've got scars and lumps and bruises
Plus something here that oozes
And let's not even mention my complexion
But despite my extra toes
And my goiter, and my nose
I really wanna make a love connection
Can't you see me with a special little lady
Rowin' in a rowboat down the stream?
Though I'm one disgusting blighter
I'm a lover, not a fighter
'Cause way down deep inside
I've got a dream
I've got a dream!
Thug Chorus:
He's got a dream!
Big Nose:
I've got a dream!
Thug Chorus:
He's got a dream!
Big Nose:
And I know one day romance will reign supreme!
"Yeesh." I said upon seeing Shorty, another one of the thugs, being flown through the bar, wearing nothing but a diaper.
"Hubba hubba." exclaimed Lee.
Big Nose:
Though my face leaves people screaming
There's a child behind it, dreaming
Like everybody else
I've got a dream
Thug Chorus:
Toll would like to quit and be a florist
Gunther does interior design
Ulf is into mime
Attila's cupcakes are sublime
Bruiser knits
Killer sews
Fang does little puppet shows
Hook Hand:
And Vladimir collects ceramic unicorns
"What about you?" asked Lee.
"Excuse me?" I asked back.
"What are your dreams?" asked May.
"Oh, no, no, no, no." said Flynn. "Sorry, ladies. I don't sing."
"You better if you want to live." said Marie.
"And if I refuse?" asked Flynn.
In response, the thugs pointed their swords at him.
"Does that answer your question, sweetheart?" asked Lee.
Seeing there was no other choice than sing, I elbowed Flynn, whispering. "You first."
Well, the first thing he did was look through my book bag.
"Um, excuse me." I said.
"Pardon?" Flynn said back, pulling out my sunglasses, which he put on and sang.
Flynn:
I have dreams, like you - no, really!
Just much less touchy-feely
They mainly happen somewhere warm and sunny
On an island that I own
Tanned and rested and alone
As he sang, Flynn heard me clear my thorat, realizing I want my glasses back.
"Surrounded by enormous piles of money." he concluded singing as he returned my glasses while I started to reluctantly sing my part.
Myself*:
Can't you hear my voice on the big screen?
Siding with an actual acting team?
Though my plans are in the rain
I'm not one to complain
'Cause like you brutes...
"Who are you calling brutes?" Marie asked angrily as she, Lee and May walked up to me again.
"I...I...I...I...I..."
Rapunzel:
I've got a dream!
Thug Chorus:
She's got a dream!
Rapunzel:
I've got a dream!
Thug Chorus:
She's got a dream!
Rapunzel:
I just want to see the floating lanterns gleam!
Thug Chorus:
Yeah!
Rapunzel:
And with every passing hour
I'm so glad I left my tower
Like all you lovely folks
I've got a dream!
As Rapunzel sang her dream, the wall resumed cracking, causing a taxidermied buffalo head to fall from its perch and onto the Kankers, who, then, charged at me, with the buffalo head stuck on them.
Thug Chorus:
She's got a dream!
He's got a dream!
They've got a dream!
We've got a dream!
"Help me! Save me! Help me! Save me!" I panicked, hiding behind Flynn as the Kankers closed in.
"So our diff 'rences ain't really that extreme!" sang the thugs. "We're one big team...!"
"Olé!" exclaimed Flynn, moving both of us out the way as the Kankers skidded, but stopped on their tracks, eyeing us.
"Oy, vey!" I exclaimed as we tried to outrun them while the thugs kept singing.
Thug Chorus:
Call us brutal-
Sick-
Hook Hand:
Sadistic-
Big Nose:
And grotesquely optimistic
Thug Chorus:
Cause way down deep inside
We've got a dream!
Hook Hand:
I've got a dream!
Big Nose Thug:
I've got a dream!
Thug Chorus:
I've got a dream!
I've got a dream!
I've got a dream!
Rapunzel:
I've got a dream!
All:
(cheers)
Yes way down deep inside,
I've got a dream!
Yeah!
While Rapunzel and her newfound friends were singing up to the end, upon seeing the door, Flynn and I looked at each other and nodded in agreement.
Flynn shoved a pan of cream onto the floor, catching Sylvester's eye.
But while drinking from it, he noticed the Kankers running towards him.
The same for Lee, May and Marie, who ended up entangled with Sylvester as all four of them rolled towards the door, which I opened.
The Kankers and Sylvester rolled all the way out of the Snuggly Duckling and onto the fountain next to Cafe Borrone.
"Sufferin' succotash!" exclaimed Sylvester. "I just can't get a break around here."
One by one, the Kankers popped out of the fountain, soaking wet and humiliated.
"Let's get out of here." said Lee.
"Yeah, this place stinks." agreed Marie.
"It's not my fault they added karaoke hour." said May, who still has the buffalo head on her head.
"Everything's your fault, May!" said Lee.
At the sight of them leaving, I breathed in a sigh of relief.
"Whew! I hope we've seen the last of them."
Just then, Flynn heard a horse whinny.
"You wish!" he said, pushing me and Rapunzel towards the restrooms.
The door swung open again. This time, a couple of guards came in.
"Where's Rider? Where is he?" demanded their captain. "I know he's in here somewhere. Find him! Turn the place upside down if you have to!"
From our hiding place, Flynn could see that guards were accompanied by one of their horses, Maximus.
"You were right, Nate." he whispered to me. "We should've gone to..."
Before Flynn could finish, the restroom door flung open.
"...Stack's."
To our surpirse, it was Hook Hand, who helped us sneak to the exit on the right, where outside, we could see...
"The bus!" I exclaimed, pointing at it already there.
"And you were worried we missed it." said Flynn.
"Go, live your dream." encouraged Hook Hand.
"Really?" I asked.
"Not youse!" frowned Hook Hand. "I was talking to her."
Realizing he was referring to Rapunzel, I let out a groan. "Come on."
As Flynn and I hurried to the bus, Rapunzel told Hook Hand. "Thanks for everything."
After giving him a kiss on the cheek, she caught up with us.
Author's Note:
*I actually came up with the lyrics myself since I was being pressured to take part in the singing.