Chapter 95: Sudden Worries

Roughly two and a half hours later…

"Wow, that was a pretty good movie," Zak said, as the film credits began to scroll up the screen.

Zak had brought a few different movies from different genres, and I knew Zak's choices were probably more to my liking than his own. So, in hopes of Zak enjoying the movie too, I had picked "Olympus Has Fallen" – an action movie about terrorists taking over the White House.

"Yeah it was! I really liked it!" I replied, as I stretched out my arms and legs. "I'm glad you liked it too," I added.

Zak smiled as he stopped the movie, turned off his laptop, and proceeded to put it back in its bag.

"I'm normally not crazy for movies like that, but I liked that one," Zak replied.

"I'm glad," I said, smiling.

"I'm surprised you didn't pick the chick flick," Zak teased, as he zipped up the laptop bag.

I laughed.

His romance genre movie had been "Titanic" - a movie I loved - but I knew Zak would probably have been bored out of his mind throughout most of it. I hadn't wanted that.

"Well, I know it's not your type of movie, and I don't always like 'chick flicks'," I replied, causing Zak to laugh.

"Good point, I think you're the only woman I know who loves 'Star Wars' almost as much as Aaron," Zak said, setting the laptop aside.

I laughed.

"Yeah, I don't do those sappy, romance movies. At least, not very many of them anyway," I said. "They always upset me…" I added softly, not thinking.

"Why do they always upset you? Some of them turn out with happy endings, don't they?" Zak asked, confused by my admission.

I shifted my position slightly.

"Well…um…because of my differences…as I started to get older, they'd upset me more and more, because they always reminded me I'd never experience that…that I'd end up alone…" I explained, quietly.

Zak was probably going to think I was a nut job, but I was surprised when I felt him gently kiss my cheek.

"Well…that's not true anymore now, is it?" Zak said softly.

I looked up at him to see a softened expression on his face, one I knew he rarely showed to anyone. I smiled as I realized that he was right, even if it was only our first date – we definitely had a bond and a connection I had never experienced before.

"No, it's not true anymore…" I replied softly.

Zak smiled and leaned over and lightly kissed my forehead.

Zak's Point of View

After a few moments of comfortable silence passed, I looked down at Alicia.

"So, what would you like to do now?" I asked.

I watched her as she mentally debated with herself.

"Could we maybe just relax and talk...watch the stars…?" Alicia replied, looking slightly shy, as if she was afraid of my response.

But little did she know, I definitely had no problem relaxing out here in the dark with her.

"I was hoping you'd say that," I said, before allowing myself to fall back on the many blankets I had spread out across the bed of the truck – pulling Alicia down with me so she was laying on top of me – her hands coming to rest on my chest, and her legs partly on either side of my own.

I heard Alicia shriek in shock, but then she laughed at herself. And then, suddenly, she had started to blush.

I laughed as I adjusted my head on the pillow as I watched her face.

"You're so cute," I said, which only seemed to cause Alicia to blush more.

"I am not," She mumbled shyly as she looked down at me. "You do realize I can't see the stars this way?" She added, though I could tell she was just being silly.

I laughed and I tightened my arms around her waist, holding her closer to me.

"I like this view better," I said softly, with a bit of a sheepish look on my face – I felt like my dark reputation was going out the window, but at the same time, I didn't care.

She shyly smiled down at me - her face flushed - and I felt one of her tiny hands start nervously playing with the silver skull necklace that was resting against my chest.

I loosened my arms around her waist, figuring I was making her uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry…I'm an idiot sometimes," I said softly, smiling slightly so she wouldn't think I was upset.

She looked up from the hand that was playing with my necklace and looked down at me, and laughed quietly.

"No, it's okay…this is just all new to me…" she said softly.

I smiled a bit in response, relieved to know I hadn't upset her.

"I know. I'll do my best to keep that in mind, but I also want you to tell me if I do something that makes you uncomfortable," I replied.

The last thing I wanted to do was screw this up.

Alicia smiled down at me, and after a few seconds hesitation, I was a little surprised when she leaned down and lightly kissed me on the lips. But before I could register her sudden move, she pulled back.

"I will, thank you…" She said softly.

I smiled up at her and moved one of my hands up to the middle of her back and gently rubbed it a bit.

"Don't need to thank me," I replied.

She smiled more brightly at me before I felt her let go of my necklace and - sensing she wanted to move - I unwrapped my arms from around her. She carefully moved off me and positioned herself so she was laying down on her back beside me, looking up at the stars.

I smiled to myself as I turned my head to look up at the stars as well, and, no matter how hard I thought about it, I couldn't remember a time when I had enjoyed a first date this much.

Alicia's Point of View

Zak and I laid there in silence for a few minutes, just staring up into the night sky and watching the many glittering stars that were spread throughout the darkened sky.

However, after a few moments had passed, I saw Zak reach for something near the laptop bag, and noticed he brought his phone up and held it above his face, one finger working on the screen.

I tilted my head more toward him to see what he was doing, and saw him bring up a playlist in his music library. It was titled "Relaxing Instrumental". I smiled to myself as a calming, peaceful song began to play.

Zak adjusted the volume so that it was playing softly, and then set his phone aside as he turned his head to look at me.

"How's that?" Zak asked softly.

"Wonderful," I replied softly, causing Zak to smile in response.

As he turned his head to look up at the sky again, I started thinking about the few moments of sexual tension we had experienced tonight – and the moments since we've known each other - and started to worry.

I turned my head and watched the stars again - as if it would help me find answers – while I mentally tried to sort through my thoughts.

Firstly, I told myself that it was crazy to be worrying about this on a first date, but at the same time, I felt it was probably the best time to think about it. Since I had learned about sex as an early teenager, I had always believed that I wanted to wait until marriage. Then, as I grew older, I became more aware of how much of an outdated concept that was, but I was determined.

But then around the time I was hitting my mid twenties, and still hadn't experienced a first date or a first kiss, I began wondering if my old, traditional mentality would hinder me from having any meaningful progress in a relationship. But I still didn't want to just give myself to anyone – I tried not to think about it much at the time.

Then, I hit thirty, and I still hadn't been on a first date, let alone a first kiss. I had essentially started convincing myself that I would never have sex, and I'd probably be the real life 40-year-old virgin…which upset me immensely.

Stupid movie…

But now, here I was, on my first date - with a guy who has had a past of enjoying the company of a lot of women. I knew he'd changed his views of relationships since then, but what about sex…?

It was probably going to take me a long time to find the courage to take that step. How could I expect Zak to suffer through the sexual chemistry we obviously had, when I was a virgin and didn't have any plans for that changing in the near future? And that was if I didn't stick to my "wait until marriage" mentality.

Marriage! Oh god…he doesn't seem like the marrying type, he's even said that before on Twitter…

My thoughts were suddenly distracted when I felt Zak's hand gently rest over the top of my own, which was resting at my side, on top of the blankets.

"I've warned you about doing that…" Zak said quietly, his voice a little deeper than normal.

I turned my head to look at him in confusion.

"Doing wh-" I started to ask, but then noticed he was staring at my lips.

It was then I realized I had been biting my lower lip, which I often did when I was thinking or worried about something.

"Sorry…" I mumbled shyly, avoiding eye contact with him.

I felt Zak's hand gently squeeze my own, as his other hand reached over and his fingertips gently tipped my chin up until I was looking at him.

His expression had changed – from desire to concern.

"What's wrong? What was going through that pretty little head of yours?" Zak asked softly.

I couldn't help laughing softly at his wording.

"I um…" I said softly, hesitating.

"You can tell me," Zak said softly, turning his head a bit more, so he could focus fully on me.

I stayed on my back, terrified of what he would say when I told him about my concerns.

What if he hasn't realized this already…?

"Um…have you…are you sure you really want to date me…?" I asked softly, turning my head to look at him when I finished speaking.

His expression was full of shock.

"What?" He asked, sounding as if he wanted to make sure he heard me correctly.

I sighed inwardly, knowing I was ruining everything, but what was the point of getting into a relationship if we had different ideas about where it was going to go? It was better to work this out now.

Less painful…

I sat up, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around my legs - feeling uncomfortable and insecure - but I forced myself to repeat the question.

"Are you sure you really want to date me?" I asked quietly, staring straight ahead into the darkness before me.