AN: I don't own my hero academia. Also Waning: sensitive topics ahead and a change of writing style.

I love you.

I am a tool. A puppet made to obey every command. Play any role given to me. Hero. Villain. Whatever. I didn't care. It doesn't matter if I care. The choice is not mine to make.

I'm back here. In the darkness. It used to frighten me but now I'm numb to it. I can't fight back. I've tried and failed. It's so tiring to fight. To try. I'm tired. How long has it been? Probably decades. Without rest, without thought, I obeyed. Every mission, every order, no matter the difficulty or morality robbed I had to obey. The screams have become the norm as well as anything half-hearted thank you I received. It all felt so empty, so meaningless, so…tiring.

As much as I hated the darkness it offered one good. Rest. Here in the darkness, where my sight is taken and my body is forced in place, I can rest. Until whatever the next mindless mission I'm assigned. I'd prefer this mask to be off. The way it cuts my face was irritating but the feeling is numb now. So, it no longer matters. Nothing matters. Once I am broken, I will be replaced like everyone else that breaks.

When I will be broken? The thought sounded appealing. To just have things end and I can rest forever. An eternal slumber where I don't need to do anything, or get yelled at or wonder if I have another day left. Such sweet relief would be a haven. For now, I will sleep.

.

H*y teaaaaac*. U do***g O ** th*r*

Quiet.

S**Id U'd Ado*t me

I said quiet.

U dropped thi* ***** sen**

"Why won't you let me sleep!" I yelled into the void. Strange. Did they forget to tie my mouth shut? They usually hated me talking. Said my mouth was too smart for my good but I didn't remember what I said. I wished I did. I wanted to know what got them so riled up against me. It must have been entraining at the time.

Then I felt something odd in my palm which was even stranger. There was no way they'd forget to chain my hands. They were the second thing they would deal with. Then there's the darn mask used to take away my quirk. That's why I'm here in this darkness…hold on. When lifted my hand I could see it. It was free form bindings and was clenched tight as if holding something. Or protecting something. A confusing sight. "What's this?" Curiously, I opened my palm and saw a golden object. It was heart-shaped with a small blue gemstone in the middle attached to a thin chain. In shined with a glimmer and seemed so familiar. That can't be. This was the first time I'd seen this yet, it felt so warm. Why?

"…Arata?"

Suddenly the void was no more. The darkness was cast away with light. Everything began to look clearer. Like a fog that clouded my memory was fading. I was on a couch. Simple and cheap with the lack of padding it had and its rough outer fabric. Despite that, it felt cosy. Like a home. This was home. My home and his.

He had the same sweet smile he always wore. So beautiful and bright. "Do you like it, Arata?"

That's right. How could I forget? My name is Arata, and he was the one who gave that name to me.

"I thought it looked cute. You can even put a picture inside." He explained cheerfully while opening the locket. Presenting it with such excitement, but that quickly went away. Curse my inability to react. His smile faded away because it as he wore a worried frown. It didn't suit him at all. The way his lively green eyes looked like they could cry at any second. "What's the matter. don' you like It?"

"I like it," I responded as happily as I could. It must have sounded more deadpanned because of my naturally deep voice. Still, I tried to smile as best as I could while putting the necklace on. "But you're cuter." He was cute, kind, loveable. Every positive would man has ever created. The man who took me out of the darkness and brought light back into my numb world. That was him. My love. My hero. My precious Sai.

I watched gleefully as Sai's usual pale white face burned to a bright red. This was a much more fun expression to see. "Damn it that's not fair!" He yelled while picking up a nearby cushion. Then proceed to attack me with it. He's so adorable. Look at him trying to overwhelm me. "You're the one that should be blushing. Not me!" He exclaimed with a pout. I could just pinch his puffy cheeks. "Why do you have to be so mean."

I laughed back at his whines. I knew he wasn't trying to hurt me. If he did, I would be on the floor already. He has done so in the past and I wouldn't be against it if I were placed in such a position again. "I'm not being mean." Then I took the cushion from him and tossed the soft weapon to the side. I snaked my way on top of him making our noses touch. The position made him redder. It was a pretty colour. "I'm just telling the truth. You a very cute."

My poor Sai looked like he was going to burst into an explosion with the way his face was heating up. Hiding such a beautiful face was a crime to me. So, I tried to tear away the hands that blocked my view. Not that he would let me win so easily. He fought back jokily calling me a 'meanie.' I didn't mean to be mean. I just found his exposition entraining, and it was he who told me to do what I wanted. What I wanted was to tease him a little bit.

Although it wasn't always liked this. Our relationship was drastically different at the beginning. Honestly, I couldn't think of what to make of him at the time. The strange man that held his hand out to me.

I remembered it clearly. I was wheeled chair bond for a time since I couldn't remember how to use my legs well. I could barely speak. I've been taught to be completely reliant on my quirk. Without it I was nothing. Just a useless tool wasting my days away. Sai was my caretaker although I couldn't understand why he bothered at the time. He had no reason to care about me and yet…

One day, I found a knife. I remember staring at my pathetic reflection. A broken puppet stared back at me. I was broken. That was the first thought that came to me. I can be thrown away now. That was the next. I could rest. Once again that thought sounded delightful. An eternal slumber. I was free from the organization that chained me to my strings. There were no more commands to obey. I could put myself to rest at that moment.

But Sai stopped me. He came out of nowhere and wrestled me off my wheelchair. With furious aggression, he tore the knife from my hands and pinned me down. The face he made that day was carved in my memories. So too were his words: "What do you think you're doing?" I remembered the spit he splashed on my face. The rage in his eyes. "You can't just give up like this. You have a life why not use it? I know I might not get it. I don't fully know what they did to you to make you feel like this. I know but." It was then he started to cry. Flustered that he was making so little progress with me. Despite that, he kept trying to reach me. "Isn't there something you want to do?"

It was such a simple question. I'm sure anyone could answer it easily. But not me. As a tool, I only learned to obey. Things like wishes, dreams and desires were irrelevant. Yet, that question plagued me from that point onwards. Was there something I wanted to do? Or just something I wanted? I couldn't give him an answer since I had none.

In time I found my answer.

"Arata?" My thoughts were disturbed when I saw the worried face of my love once again. A concern hand on my cheeks as he tightly held my shoulder with the other. "You seem a little out of it. something wrong?"

I shook my head. Gently, moving his hand to my lips. It felt comforting having his warmth so close to me. "I'm fine. Just thinking."

"Hey, love birds." Someone suddenly called out. "Done eating each other faces. I brought popcorn." It was a woman. She wore a simple tank top and carbo pains that matched well with her military-style boots. They boomed across the floor marching to their rhythm. Her long two-toned pink and blue hair swept back forth behind her in a high ponytail. In her hand was an extra-large tub with what I could only assume was popcorn.

Who was this woman again?

Sai answered that for me. "Hey Kaina and what's popping?" He cheered with a wink.

Groaning, the woman lightly slammed the bottom of the popcorn tub on Sai's head. "Could you quit with the stupid jokes for one night? They're not even good."

Sai then grabbed the tub and held it under one of his arms as if it was precious cargo. He then pointed a finger gun at the woman. Eyes sharp to a half serious warning. "I have the right to remain corny! And my jokes have good taste. I like to see you do butter," he said in a serious tone with knitted eyebrows. It was adorable. The woman only rolled her eyes while grumping something under her breath. Clearly, annoyed. Sai then toned it down for a moment and asked: "Don't want to sound rude, but you get tired of being our third wheel?"

"Nope!" The woman said cheekily while planting herself next to me. "Besides, you two love me."

I remember her now. She was Sai's old partner back when he was still a part of the hero association. A hero still working under the association under the name lady Nagant. A master sniper with the precision that could put Artemis to shame. No one was better than her. It was for that reason I couldn't trust her. At least not at first.

I knew better. As much as Sai tried to hide it from me, you'd had to be a fool to believe the commission didn't want me dead. I was too dangerous, and I can't blame them. They were right. I have a record after all because of my time back in that dark place. The things they made me do and the things I've done out of line. Which brought me back to Kaina. I could tell from her eyes, the way she presents herself, and her thoughts. Her hands weren't clean either. I was certain she was commissioned to kill me, but she couldn't. Her connection with Sai prevented her from touching me. She has done a few attempts, but all failed. It's not easy to kill someone when they can read your mind.

I can no longer remember when, but she eventually felt comfortable with me. Any plans to kill me was gone. It could be the commission found some use for me since I was allowed to continue hero work. If only under high scrutiny. Now instead of pointing a gun at me sits by me with a smile. Edging me on to take some popcorn or tease me and Sai about being lovey. I don't see anything wrong with showing affection, but Sai always seemed a little embarrassed by it. Then again if I get to see that cute face of his. I'll happily join.

I remember now this was one of our movie nights. Sai was a big fan of old classics, so was Kaina. She'd come back on these nights and the two of them would drag me along. Hero movies, thrillers, romcoms, mysteries, we'd watched all kinds. It was enjoyable, although they were always so shocked with how unemotive I was in certain scenes. I remember one night we were watching his dog movie and at some point, the two of them started crying. I on the other hand was confused. All that happened was the dog passed away. It was unexpected but why cry? They then proceeded to throw popcorn at me calling me heartless.

Tonight, we were watching a horror movie. It was strange. There were a bunch of down in luck kids and a clown with an unscary name. I was even more confused than I was with the dog movie. Is this supposed to be scary? Sure, there was a lot of blood but how is this scary? Sai seemed to have thought the opposite since he ended up jumping in my arms when something suddenly appeared on the screen.

I looked down on him curiously. "Why do you watch these if it would scare you like this?" It seemed rather odd. He never could tame horror as well as Kaina could. Always jumping in every little scare. Then be extra cuddly with me at night. Which was a bonus. Slyly, I grinned while rubbing my face against his locks. "Not that I'm complaining. It has its perks."

He gulped at my whispers that tickled his ear. "It's just fun you know." He answered with a stutter. "And can you please stop looking at me like that?"

Kaina watched our exchange awkwardly. She leaned further away from, ready to get out if we wanted her two. "…if you too are going to do it, I can leave."

"I would not be against that," I said nonchalantly.

Sai couldn't have gotten redder. "…shameless. Both of you. Shameless!" he yelled at us and threw popcorn at us. It became a three-way battle. Kaina on one side, Sai on the other, and I was 'cheating' by staying in the middle and redirecting the salty butter snack away from me with my quirk. This then became a two on one battle with Kaina and Sai teaming up against me. The move was forgotten, and the apartment was a mess. Yet we laughed the entire time. It was a good memory.

Memory?

Why did I say memory?

This was happening or did it happen recently?

Hum…am I forgetting something.

"Sensei?"

I found myself in front of a whiteboard. My attire has changed too. This godforsaken hero uniform. I was told it was compulsory for me to wear since technically I was still a hero. How annoying, but at least I'm not forced on missions on the hour. Sai was the one who designed this new one for me so I can't too mad. So long as I met a quota and renew my license, I'm legally still a hero. It's only a hollow title I used for my new profession. A teacher at this academy.

"And that concludes today's lesson. You may all take your leave. Don't forget, exams are next week." I told my students firmly.

The students let out a choir of: "Yes, sensei."

They were quite the lively bunch. A few of them got into trouble here and there but I straightened them out. I'm sure they'll do well with whatever path they choose. They didn't much like me at first. I didn't like them either thinking back. I did what was told to do. It wasn't my fault they slept through class and failed their first exam. Did they even study? Honestly, what were they thinking? They claimed it was my monotone attitude that brought them to sleep, but what did they expect me to do? My job was to teach them the facts and how to apply them to real life. Their lack of attention was their problem.

Training them was much more entertaining. Watching them scurrying around like little insects as they ran from me. They must have achieved twice their daily amount of exercise. Their vocal cords were shot with each session they screamed. I've been given complaints to go easier on them but no. They are expected to be heroes. A demandingly cruel profession that highly favours the top. If they didn't want to be eaten alive, they had to be able to deal with me.

"Arata!" Sai burst into training practice. My students had one of one combat matches that day. I considered this the break they were demanding for since I simply observe. On a high ledge of the training grounds, I watched over when Sai trotted behind me. Oddly, with a puppet in his hand. It was a ragged thing with floppy ears, beady eyes, and a mouth with its tongue sticking out. A patch work dog, I think. "Look what grandfather sent me."

"Hi, I'm Puppers. Sai good old friend from when he was a pup. We did everything together. Tea parties, slumber parties, mud parties. I love those the most," Sai said using a muffled but high-pitched voice while manoeuvring the puppet's mouth up and down. The puppet then turned to glare at my Sai. At least I think it was a glare it was hard to tell since its eyes were unchanging. "But then he fell me all alone with only dust bunnies for company." It cried almost slapping Sai with its fluffy ears. "If it wasn't for Grandpa Al, I would be a goner!"

Sai tried to apologise to the puppet and the two of them had a mini routine. With the puppet whining dramatically and him begging forgiveness. Their act stopped when they realised, I wasn't paying attention. My eyes were on my student's mock battles.

Mildly annoyed, Sai puffed up his cheeks and forced the puppet into my field of vision. "Aren't I barking an adorable?" The puppet asked. It's felt tongue licking me, yet I did not act. Confusion and focus prevented such reactions. Then they smothered my face wrapping their nub arms around It. "Love me!" It begged.

Forcedly, I pulled the toy down. "Don't you have classes?"

Although not full time, Sai was a common substitute teacher for the police course. It was his connections to the school that allowed me the chance to teach here in the first place. Cheekily, he smiled while warping an arm around me. "I'm just a substitute with plenty of time to spend with my favourite teacher."

I felt myself heating while leaning into him. As tempting as it was to escape with my beloved, I can't ignore my students. I had a job to do after all. My eyes then spotted a lacklustre pair. It looked like they were barely trying at all. Choosing to purposely miss each other. One look into their minds proved my suspicions. They seemed to be bored. I must have been too lenient. Let's which things up with a simple idea. While they fight, I randomly switched them to a different opponent. To add a little insult to injury, I made sure those two bored students had new partners with quirks that countered their own. Their screams of unfairness were enjoyable.

Sai watched the newfound chaos unfold as some students took the change like fish to water. Others were floundering on dry land. Screaming their heads off. "Isn't that a little mean?"

"Little things like that are nothing." I augured. If being in that dark place taught me anything, it was to always be prepared. You'll never know what your opponent's quirk will be. Or the type of satiation you'll find yourself in. Whether the terrain will be at your advantage or not. "If these children wished to survive. They need to be prepared for anything. That's why I have to be tough on them. To keep them on their toes." A smirk came to my lips. "Besides their reactions are entertaining."

Sai nodded with my words and soon copied with a sly grin. "You could make it more entertaining. Get more creative. Be theatrical. Let's say a plot twist. Here hold Puppers." He threw the puppet at me and rushed down towards random pair of students. One had the upper hand since they were 2 as larger. Submit their opponent to fall. It would have been their victory if Sai didn't come in and kick them off their feet. "The underdog was having some trouble. A passer-by couldn't bear to watch the one-sided match, so they declined to help even the odds," he announced while siding with the underdog student.

"This is unfair!"

"Life's not fair." He snapped back with the amount of aggression I would usually have. "That's why you need to be ready for any plot twist that comes your way."

Just when I think I couldn't love this man more he continued to prove me wrong. I then stared at the puppet in my hands and then at the blades at my side. An idea came to mind. "A plot twist, eh?"

While my students augured with my beloved. Asking why he was there in the first place I floated the puppet down to their level. I boomed my voice, altering it to sound villain like. Considering the look of the puppet I also made it squeaky. "Heroes! You have awakened me. I the great a powerful Puppers!"

The students stared at the glowing blue puppet that entered the training feel. Most of them looked confused and unimpressed while one laughed. Ok, the laughing one was Sai, but it was such pretty laughter. I couldn't be mad. "Really, Arata sensei?"

"SHHHHH! You dare question my might." I continued the act making Sai laugh more. Even some others joined him. Must be the voice. "You will regret that dearly." I hissed in squeaky warning. Their laugher soon dropped as they spotted my blades circling the puppet. Such fear in their eyes. This will be fun. "Come at me, heroes."

"That's the spirt Arata."

"Mr Sai, we love you and all, but stop giving him more ideas to torturer us!"

It was such a delight watching them struggle. Some of them claim I'm a sadist. Perhaps I am. However, seeing them win after the struggle was much more entertaining.

Eventually, we got used to each other. My teaching style became slightly move emotive and if anyone dares fall asleep. That's extra homework. They also become much more flexible whenever I added a little surprise to their training. A couple of times they almost bested me. I had to up the ante each time. Either teaching grew easier. Fun even. Seeing their smiling facing in a victory mild or not. Their ecstatic eye at the chatted about their future plans. I may not be a fan of their chosen career path, but it is a path they choose. If this was what they wanted I will respect it and do my part to guide them. I am their teacher.

One day, my students helped me with something very important. I was sitting at my desk staring at a small black box in my hand. My stomach turned with each passing minute, while doubts plagued my mind.

"What you got there, sensei?" One of my students asked as they walked over to me. They spotted the box in my hand and considered my nervous composure. It was a simple task to piece together the meaning. "Is that a ring! Are you finally going tie the knot?"

Yes. I and Sai had been together for many years. More if you consider us living together when he took me in. Remembering back, he was the one to ask if we were a 'thing'. I didn't understand what he meant by that. Then he showed me and…it was a rare time I was the one blushing like a tomato. I couldn't deny my attention towards him, so it wasn't long that we started dating. We were happy but I wanted to make him happier. Sai always dreamed of having a family of his own and I selflessly wanted to be a part of that. However, was I even good enough for this perfect man. I'd didn't even know how to pop the question.

"Don't worry sensei. Leave everything to us!" Another one of my students declared. Then they began scheming together.

It was a fairly elaborate scheme that involved one of Sai's greatest hobbies. Theatre. The culture festival was coming, and they decided to do a play. It was an old British classic about two star-cross lovers. Unable to be together because of their family's hatred towards each other. It's also rather silly since both of the leads died at the end. It could have been completely avoided if they just talked to each other. And how did they fall in love so quickly? They just meet and they were all over each other. Is love at first sight even real…why am I asking myself this when I am a victim of that myself to a degree. Sai made a strong impression on me.

The plan involved two of my students playing sick. Then in a wild turn of events, I and Sai would be casted as the leads. Sai was completely in his element. It wasn't the first time he crossed dressed, and I doubted it would be the last. Even as a woman he was adorable. The way his pastel pink dress fitted his small frame. He could easily pass for a woman. Then there was I in noble blue. The students did well with the designs and script rewrite. Neither I nor Sai would be dying at the end. The proposal was scheduled earlier so we could get our happily ever after. That was if he accepted.

Luckily, he did. He gave me his crying face. It wasn't the face I was going for. He always looked better smiling. Somehow even with ugly tears running down his face he looked so happy. He embraced me when it finally sunk in that this was real. He could have killed me then and I would have died happy.

The wedding was a simple celebration. I have no memory of family soI ended up asking Kaina to be my best man or woman in her case. She was the only person; I could think of to ask. I told her she didn't need to wear a suit, but she wore one anyway. Said that if she had to be my best man might as well dress the part. I must say, the outfit suited her.

She wore a fitted sky-blue suit with a pale pink undershirt. The pants widen at the ankles which showed her black kitten heels. Just for the occasion, she changed up her hairstyle. Her once high ponytail was let loose. Half of it tamed back in a clean braid. Speaking of hair, she was doing mine for the ceremony. Despite me being a man, my hair was much longer than hers and harder to tame given the curls. She struggled with that bush for hours. "How do you manage this?" She groaned while desperately combing out the knots. It was like a tug of war fight. From the feeling on my head, my hair was winning.

It took a few trails, but she managed to tame my locks to a decent look. Proudly, she smiled into the mirror then noticed my face. "What's with the look?"

I couldn't completely explain it. I feel warm giddy with the thought that Sai would soon be my husband. We'll be forever bonded with the vow of marriage. However, "do I even deserve a man like him," I admitted aloud. Sai was kind. He cared more for others than himself. I on the other hand couldn't care less. I've numbed to the scene of death, let alone a person of need. He could find a better partner. One that could laugh with him and share his kindness better than I. Despite that I still wanted him. Was it right for me to be so selfish?

"You with pre-wedding jitters. I didn't peg you for the type," Kaina chuckled while massaging my shoulders. "Relax. You love him. He loves you. Whether or not you deserve it is irrelevant." She then rested her chin on top of my head. Smiling at our reflection in the mirror. The image seemed funny for some reason. "You know, I used to hate you," she admitted. It was no big secrete. My earliest memories of her were her pointing her quirk at me. How times have changed. "When you first dropped into our lives, I thought you took my best friend from me. Instead, I again a new one." In a second, she was on one knee. Her arm snapped and transformed. Soon there was a gun barrel to my face as she glared menacingly, "but if you hurt him. I will make you regret it."

"I give you permission to shoot me."

My instant response seemed to have broken the mood as Kaina laughed with a bellow. She then snapped back to normal arm, "come on, your soon to be husband will be coming soon."

I nodded. "Right. I can't have him in tiers if am late."

It was then Kaina gave me another fearful expression. She clapped her hand on my shoulders and shook me firmly. "No. Not you. I can deal with Sai and his stupid joke puns. Please don't you start too. You'll encourage him," she begged along with her fearful eyes.

It was my turn to laugh. This is what I get when I try to make a pun in front of her. "Alright, I'm not good anyway."

My invite list was a short one since I had no known family. My students joined in with the celebration as well. They made the ceremony that livelier. Then again, I had to apologise to the owners of the venue for the mess they made. I can't believe they broke a window. I'll need to discipline them more.

On Sai's side, he didn't have a long list either outside of co-workers or friends. He didn't have much of a family either. The only family he had was his grandfather who walked him down the aisle. The old man didn't like me. I could see it in their eyes. Threating daggers at me the closer they got. Lucky me his grandson's happiness was a higher priority. Either way, it was another happy memory. Even when Kaina and Sai got so drank they danced on the tables, dragging me along with them. It was all a good memory…

Again, memory.

Am I asleep?

Did I overdo it again? Sai is going to be angry at me.

What was the last thing I did?

"Hey, Arata. What do you think of kids?"

My thoughts were instantly interrupted when I found myself sitting on the couch again. Sai was sitting behind me while he played with my hair. It was a habit he enjoyed often. Since it was so long and fluffy, according to him it was fun to style. Currently, he was making my dark navy strands into small braids. I didn't mind. I liked the feeling of his fingers brushing against me. It was calming. "Well, they can be quite lazy and very confusing. The number of times I hear the phrase 'you don't get it' was ridiculous. But with the right amount of discipline, they aren't so bad," I answered honestly while thinking of my students.

"Not that." He denied. "What I meant was. What do you think of having children?"

Ah, that made more sense. Since we were married the next conventional step would be children.

"Remember I told you I was the result of a one-night-stand." Sai went on while I pondered the possibility. His voice low and lacked the liveliness of his usual tone. "My mother tried to take the moral high ground, and tried to take care of me herself. She soon regrated it and abandoned me. Giving custody to grandpa Al." I vaguely remember him telling me this story a couple of times in the past. I can't imagine anyone willing to give up such an angel. I suppose I should be grateful that the old coot took him in and raised him well. "One day, she came back out of nowhere and tried to act like a mom. But I couldn't see her like that anymore and it wasn't like she wanted me back for good reasons either."

The subject of his mother always seemed taboo, so I never dig further than what he gave me willingly. I remember, one time when he was frustrated and drunk, Sai ranted about his mother. Since he was living fairly well, she tried to extort him for money using guilt tactics. The 'I'm your mother you should care for me' argument. My Sai was kind but even that kindness had its limits. She was that limit.

I felt Sai lead his head against my shoulder. Just thinking about the ordeal drained him of life. To make him more comfortable I shifted the weight of his body to my chest. Complying, he snuggled close to me with a down expression. I curled my arms around him, stroking his thin strands as he continued, "the regret on her face. It was so ugly and irritating. That why if there's something I want to do. I have to do it and see it through to the end. No matter the consequences. I won't give up like she did." His voice hissed bitterly as his teeth slightly grinding themselves. Pure anger was in his eyes. "If I do, I might wear that same disgusting face of regret." He then shot up and caged me in with his arm. His bright green eyes stared down at me with blazing need. "I want to adopt a kid and raise them like she never raised me. Give them a life where they can smile every day. So, what do you think?"

I paused for a second and nodded. "If that's what you want."

Frustrated, he shook his head. "Forget about what I want for a second." He then clamped his hands over my face, forcing our eyes to meet. "I'm asking if it's something you want. If you feel uncomfortable about it, you can tell. I'll understand. I don't want to force you into anything and I can wait if you need time."

The choice was mine. It was a simple thing, but it meant a great deal to me. I've been denied such simple luxury for so long. This man was so loveable. I would give him anything if it meant seeing his smiling face. "You're not forcing me. I don't hate the idea of raising a child with you." I admitted. I couldn't completely agree I'd be a perfect parent, but I can try knowing I won't be alone. "You'll be a great parent." As soon as those words left my mouth there was a shot in my heart. It was like a dagger slowing twisting its way further inside. My throat dried as the world seemed to freeze.

That's strange. What is this ominous feeling? This chill. One morning I left for work. Sai was going to the orphanage. But…

Sai?

Sai?

SAI!

Don't turn away from me!

Slowly but surely, it cracked. Like a perfect glass painting, it broke revealing the black nightmare behind it.

It was late. He didn't come home. I found out there was an attack on the orphanage Sai was visiting. I grew worried. My only hope was that a well-known hero sorted the situation and reportedly everyone came out safe. All Might was their name. I knew of them but cared very little.

They could drop dead for all I care.

I got tired of waiting and everyone telling me to relax. Once I had enough, I rushed towards the remains of the orphanage. Nothing was left standing. Only rubble. Police tape surrounded the perimeter and a couple of officers were on nightly patrol. Aside from that, the streets were empty. Mostly likely scared off by the attacks. By all accounts, at a first glance, the case was solved. There was nothing left to do. However. I heard something in that rubble. Outside of the bored thought of the officers, I heard another voice. It made my heart jump.

"What do you think you're doing? Don't you see that tape!" An officer yelled at me as I raced past them. They tried to stop me since I was halfway over the police tape. Using what I assumed was a quirk wrapped around me.

"There's someone in there," I yelled back while struggling against their strength.

"Impossible. Everyone's already been evacuated. Ahhh!"

I didn't care about the consequences. Or the pain. They were lucky I didn't break their neck. I felt my quirk active with the growing heat of my eyes. I just need to look, concentrate on a simple action, and force this whole pile of rubble up. Piece by piece. The domestic life I lead up to this point dulled my skills, but it was enough. Just keep lifting things. Keep digging until find him. Nothing else matter.

I found him. He was in the deepest part of that pile of trash. His back up to the sky and arms wrapped around something as if trying to protect it. His arms were loose. They lost their strength. His skin looked paler than usual, and he wouldn't get up…why wasn't he getting up?

"Sai!" I ignored everything else around me. All I could see was him. All I needed was him. I held him and made him face me. His breath was weak. Almost non-existence. His eyes barely open. They didn't have the same amount of life as they once did. Despite that, he smiled as if silence telling me he was fine.

That was the last time he smiled at me.

.

.

.

That's right.

How could I forget?

He's dead

"Explain yourself!" I yelled angrily. It happened so suddenly. Barely a day since Sai was proclaimed dead along with another child, men came by the apartment. Demanding I should forget about the incident or be forced to forget. Like hell, I'd like them. I don't care how many bones I have to break. They're not touching my memories.

When they eventually realised taking me down wasn't an option, they lead me to the source of this madness. I wasn't surprised to find the current commissioner at the time staring back at me. Daring to glare with an outraged expression. As if I was the crazy one in the wrong. Yet they had the gall to bribe me to lie about the truth of Sai's death. To hell with that!

"Why!" I shirked back at the commissioner. I could feel my blood boil with every second I was forced to even look at that man's condensing expression. The way he turned his up nose at me. I wanted to rip it off. "Give me one good reason I have to lie to my students, Sai's colleagues, his grandfather … myself." It was a ludicrous scenario that had no meaning. Why lie? Sai's death was a noble one was it not? So why should that be disrespected with a pointless lie?

"It is for the good of our society," the commissioner replied so righteously. It made my skin crawl.

"Bullshit!" I was ready to rip that expression off his face. That was until I hear a click behind me. From the corner of my eye, I saw a familiar gun barrel aimed at my neck. "You can't agree with this. He was your partner. Your friend."

She was the only other person that knew the truth. The ever so lovely lady Nagant. A friend to both me and Sai and yet she once again threatened my life with her quirk. "If news breaks out it would be anarchy…this…this is the best choice." She parroted half doubtful.

It was infuriating but I knew, in the end, I'd have no choice but to comply. That didn't mean I would do so willingly. "Fine, I'll keep quiet. On one condition." A devil-like gleam shined in my eyes. It was enough to finally disrupt that ever so high and might demeanour the commissioner. "That pesty terrorist group that invaded the orphanage is still kicking about. They're on your blacklist. Let me take on the mission. You know well enough I'm capable of giving the results you want." I could hear their hesitation in their thoughts. It was amusing they expected I'd take no for an answer. I cracked that composure of theirs as I stepped closer. The fear in their eyes. It was a much more fitting look. "I don't think you understand. You let me do this one little errand on your checklist. Or I do it without your consent."

"…very well."

"AHH!"

It felt like a travelled back into the past again. Before I met my Sai. Back into the world of black and red.

"Grrg!"

It was so easy. Boring even. These fools were barely even a challenge. They fell like flies around me as red decorated the walls, the floors, my own hands. It was all so numbingly familiar. One by one they fell. Their screams echoed but no other could hear. Those who did would not be able to tell the tale. Soon only one remained.

"Please," They begged as they slipped in a pool of red. I wonder what kind of sight they saw as I loomed over them. Did I look like the devil? One they called me a devil or was that someone else? It's hard to remember. They all looked the same to me. They aren't worth the memory space. "Mercy!"

Mercy? They dared cry for mercy. How funny.

Slash!

Just like that, it was over and yet. "Why don't I don't feel anything?" I asked myself as I stared at my red soaked hands. I thought if I took out the organization that took my Sai away, I would get some sort of closure. Yet there I stood soaked in red and felt nothing. No remorse. Or glee. Just a constant hollow emptiness. I hated that feeling the most.

"You truly are impressive," when the mission was done was told to report in back to the commissioner. He prised me for my work and efficiency. A mission that would have taken months to complete was done within a week. Of course, they would be happy. "Sai fought for your case. Claiming you were more useful alive than dead. I'm starting to see his point."

I hated the eyes of the commissioner. They reminded me too much of my 'caretakers' of the past. How they wanted nothing more but to used me for their own gain. Opportunistic, conniving, disgusting. It took all my self-control not to lash forward and carve those eyes out.

"Your quirk is versatile for any type of mission. I'm glad we declined to let you keep your hero's licence. You did well to keep with your quota. And your graduated class has already been making a splash in the hero scene. Then there's these results." Greedy. That was the only word that could describe his expression. Nearly predatory are he gazed down at me. I knew what he wanted. I didn't need to read his mind with such an obvious expression. "How about…"

"No,"

The commissioner looked annoyed by my instant reply. "You didn't let me finish," He hissed spitefully.

"My answer is the same," I hissed back. They wanted me to join their ranks. To play double hero. One side would shine in the eyes of the public. The other will help tick off their dirty check list. A very familiar lifestyle. I hated it. They wanted me to go back to how I was before. To be their little puppet that follows their orders. I refused. "Sai gave me the right to choose. And I refused to be anyone's puppet again."

I'm sure the commissioner had an unsavoury expression as I walked away. I vaguely remember him yelling at me but that didn't matter. The choice was finally mine. I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to undo everything he had done for me. I didn't want to forget. Make everything we've been through meaningless. Heart of mine, please. Don't forget those feelings. Don't forget him. Please…

It's your fault.

Because of you, he's gone.

Because of you, I had to lie. Told to forget and move on.

All Might…

I hate you

I hate you

I hate you

I hate you

I hate you

I hate you

I HATE YOU!

It was a clear day. My body and heart continued to numb. I was walking puppet again. Only this time I had a will. No one telling me what to do. I was free to choose what to do next. This was my choice. I made my way on top of a building. It was a perfect vantage point of a gaudy event. Some sort of press release or fan meet-up. I didn't care to look up what it was for. All I knew was that eyesore would be there.

It wasn't hard to spot him. With that loud blue and red colour scheme. Even his voice was annoyingly loud with the way he laughed so carefree. How dare he. How dare he continue to laugh as if nothing happened. Not a single sheered of guilt his face. That never-ending smiling face. I hate him. I hated how he was always smiling as if everything was going to be ok. All because he was there. I hated what he stood for. The lies he promotes without care. I hated how he seemed so untouchable. He was the perfect hero in every way, and they would do anything to keep him like that. For the good of society. Who cares about society? My Sai was gone. I will never forgive that.

I readied my blade letting it float next to me. My eyes were dead straight on the target. That annoyingly smiley target. It was a clear shot, and they were distracted but his worshipers. All I need to do was fire straight on. What happens after didn't matter. Perhaps after this I could feel something again.

"Stop!"

I felt my body forced down. The shock made me lose control and my blade that dropped beside me. Something hard was pushed against my shoulder blades. I was familiar with the feeling. The voice was recognisable too and could only conclude to one thing: "Are you here to kill me?"

"No no, I…" It was Kaina.

I shouldn't be surprised. The commission must have targeted me again. More so after I declined to work for them. I won't dance to a new master. Especially, one that disrespected my Sai. Since Kaina was somewhat close to me. They must have thought she could do the deed. They were right. Her quirk's gun barrel was at point-blank range at my heart. All she had to do was pull the trigger. I wouldn't be mad at her if she did.

"You think you're the only one hurting. I hate this," she whispered. If I didn't know better, I'd say she was crying. "Sai was the only one there. Even when he quit, he'd still listen to me. I just… I just." Her quirk snapped back. I felt her collapse on my back weeping. "I don't know what to think anymore."

She wept and wept. At some point, I readjusted our position. Curling my arms around her, as she clenched my shirt. Still crying. We were like that for some time. I was never good at comforting people when they cried. Even when Sai cried to me, I never knew exactly what to do. So, I did what I usually do with Sai. I held her close and rubbed down her back.

Eventually, she calmed. "I hate doing this." She admitted. "I hate how their blood on my hands, and I have to pretend there's not. I don't want to do this anymore!"

"Then don't," I said simply. "Just quit."

Her head shuffled upwards showing her red puffy eyes. "You make it sound easy."

"Shouldn't it be?"

"No…yes…maybe? I don't know."

After that, we talked. More so she talked and a listened silently. It was a long talk. About her job. The commission. Sai. She cried out every fear she had. Every worry she felt. All her confusing and conflicting emotions. Every thought. She spilt it all to me and I listened. How strange. She and I weren't too different. A puppet of the hero association. Sent to do their dirty work. Only in her case, she believed it was right. For so long she believed, and it was the only thing that kept her going. Then there was Sai. He would listen to her vent and reveal her darkest secrets. Never once would he look at her differently and would always smile at her. That smile would always clear her mind. Make her feel refreshed. If someone like him could smile at her despite seeing all her stains maybe there's still hope. At least there's one person out there that could forgive her.

Shyly, she turtled her neck in her shoulders, "sorry. I talked too much."

"It's ok."

Then she looked over at me with a worried expression. "How are you feeling?"

"Empty."

She bit her lip unsure what to do. Her eyes then travel to my blade and then she clenched my hands. "I know things have been tough for you. I feel a little lost too. But you shouldn't do this." She then gripped my shoulders and shook me firmly. Her eyes, as teary as they were, blaze bright with compassion. "Sai wouldn't want this, and I know you know that. So, promise me you won't pull a stunt like this again."

I stayed silent for a while. I didn't want to agree but I also knew she was right. My Sai would strangle me once I see him again. Or worse. Says he hates me. I suppose I'll leave you be. You eyesore of a symbol. "I promise."

Smiling, she held her hand out to me. "Sai might not be here but I'm still around. We still have each other. He'd hated if both of us were mopping around." Hesitantly I accepted her hand. It didn't feel the same as his, but it was similar enough. "Come on. Let's go watch a movie. Like the old times."

I held her hand. May it be of fear of returning to what I was before, or desperation for something normal. Or a new normal. Nothing could truly replace my Sai. I knew this. Yet, her hand wasn't so bad. We acted as normal as we could without him with our paths crossing more than they usually would. She dragged me to coffee. Have the usual movie nights the three of us use to do. Or just talking at the day's end. I tried going back to teaching. It was hard but I tried to live on. Sai would have wanted me to do so. For him I at least needed to try. I felt ok. Not great bot ok. I hoped it would continue.

I should have stopped hoping.

"This just in. The hero lady Nagant has met a tragic faith."

The news was so sudden. I didn't know how to process it. She said that we'd have each other but suddenly now she's with you. My beloved. Are you having fun together wherever you are? Are you laughing? Are you smiling? Because I'm not. How can I? You're both gone. You're gone. And I'm alone. The world's so dark. So quiet. I became numb with each passing day. I could barely hold a pen or say a word.

I'm tired

I'm so tired

When will it be my turn?

I remembered walking up some stairs. It was a very familiar experience. Only you weren't there with me. Holding my hand while dragging me along. Happily telling me to hurry up. Like an excited child. With bright eyes and a smile. Now it's quiet. I'm going up at my own pace. My hands were cold. Nothing between them but chilled air. The echoing of my footsteps replaced your laughter. The higher I climbed the more the numbness restricted me.

Eventually, I made it to the top. It was your favourite place. You're old school's rooftop. You loved that place. You'd rushed up to the railing and spread your arms out pretending to fly. You looked ridiculous doing it, but it was charming. With the view of the city and open sky as your background. You'd reach out a hand to me, and I'd always take it. Then you'd bring me close to the railing and make me gaze into the horizon.

"Do you see that beautiful view? Doesn't it make you feel free?"

Free. This will give me freedom.

I stepped onto the railing. Then I gazed at the horizon view you loved so much. Letting the wind brush through my curled locks. I didn't feel anything looking out into that horizon. But perhaps I'll feel something again soon. All I needed to do was take one step. My body to drop. I didn't bother to use my quirk. It would be a headache to use it now. I allowed gravity to do the rest.

That's how the story ended. I fell and darkness followed. Now here I rest for eternity. Finally. I was so tired.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

My eyes shot open once again. There was a blinding light before me. I couldn't see much but a blurred image of someone's silhouette. It looked so familiar. Skinny. Short thin hair. Radiant green eye. It can't be. The blur slowly faded and there as saw him happily smiling back at me. "Oh, now you want to wake up sleeping beauty. You sure you don't want some extra hours?"

"Sai." My voice wavered. He was there smiling like always. That beautiful smiling face. "You're alright." I pounced him and held him so tight as if he would disappear if I'd let him go. I couldn't let that happen not again. Again? That's right. I had almost forgotten. Slowly, I loosen my hold, but I didn't had the heart to let go completely. My hands remained firmly on his shoulders. "You died," I whispered. My voice was shaking. So afraid that it would come true the second I said it, yet nothing changed. My Sai still stood in place smiling happily at me. "But you're here. That means…" Realisation soon hit me, and I couldn't stop grinning. "I must have finally kicked the bucket too." It's done. It's finally over. I can rest. There's nothing else to be done. I'm free. My feet were so light that they started dancing around in whatever this afterlife was. I pranced over to my Sai and swept him off his feet. Twirling him around with glee. "Isn't it great? We're together again."

For some reason, my Sai didn't agree. His smile looked sad as he looked down on me.

It was confusing. "What's wrong?"

"Are you sure you're not forgetting anything?" He asked me that odd question again.

"No, I don't think so." There can't be. That was it. I fell from a building and nothing else happened after that. It's just a blank. Yet…what is this itch. It was a light itch, but it was noticeable enough to be uncomfortable.

"Come on now that's not very nice," Sai said with a pout. His ghostly body lean beside me as he rested his head on my shoulder. A peaceful expression laid on his face as he urged me on, "you told me so much about them."

"Them? You mean my students. Don't worry I already awhile quit so it should be fine." Quit? When did I quit? I know I haven't been performing well as a teacher, but I didn't quit. I really should have, and I did…no that's not right. Nothing else happened after that fall. So why? I shook the insignificant thought away. "None of that matter's we're together again," I proclaimed. All I need is my Sai and he's right here. He's here. Everything else was irrelevant.

Disappointingly, Sai shook his head. He stepped away from me and said something unbelievable, "You can't say here."

"Why not!" I yelled back at him. I don't know why but I felt angry. Why was he pushing me away? Wasn't it you who told me I could do want ever I wanted? "I just want to be with you." It was my only desire. This strange man entered my life. Cut my stings. Brought me to the light. Give me the right to choose. You asked me a long time ago if there was something I wanted to do with my life. The answer became crystal clear. All I wanted was to spend the rest of my life by your side making you happy. I didn't need anything else.

So why?

"Why are you looking at me like that!" I couldn't explain it. The look I saw on him. It was sorrowful. Almost like he did something wrong. Or was rejecting me in some way. Didn't he want me to? "I can't live without you, Sai. Everything feels so numb." I could feel my body get colder by the second. As if there was ice flowing in me, hardening like cemented. Since the day you left me, it was all I could feel. I don't like this feeling. It scares me. It feels too much like back then. I don't want to go back. Desperately, I reached out to him. Hoping he would hold my hand like he always did. Give me some feeling back. "I tried to continue without you. It was too hard."

I tried. I tried so hard. Because I knew you would have wanted me to at least try, Sai. I did everything I could think of. Get revenge. Seek comfort in a close friend. Simply trying to live normally without you. But I couldn't. The days grew darker and darker. I barely had the motivation to do anything. Teaching, walking outside, even cleaning. I could only do less and less as the days moved on. "I can only be happy with you. No one can ever replace you," That was my conclusion. Living was meaningless without you beside me.

"Arata," Sai whispered lowly. Almost as if he was sending a warning. I looked up at him and he still wore that sad smile. I couldn't understand why. Then he opened his mouth:

"Is there nothing you want to do!"

I bounced back in shock. That voice. It was deeper and filled with anger. Like fire roaring in the night trying to wake me up. It shook me to my core. "That wasn't your voice," I whispered fearfully. I didn't like how that voice was trying to wake me up. It was foreign, yet sounded so familiar. Why?

"…is it wrong for me to still want to be a hero? Even if it's impossible."

"Touya! My name is Touya!"

"I think you've forgotten your place."

"you're weird.'

.

What are these? They're making my head spin.

.

"No, sensei does have a tell!"

"Becoming a hero seems the only way to make him look at me."

"Didn't I tell you to call me Enji?"

"I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I hate my quirk."

.

Why do they sound so familiar?

.

You doing ok in there?"

You said you'd adopt me

You forgot this

We are waiting for you

.

Why?

I collapsed as my knees buckled from the pressure. All these memories fooled back in. It was scary and overwhelming. Yet I felt myself becoming more and more complete as they suddenly appeared one after the other. Laughing with them. Crying with them. For the first time since I lost him, I felt something. I felt alive.

Slowly, Sai crouched down to my current level. His smile looked a little happier but still held this tinge of gloom. "I'm going to ask again. Is there something you're forgetting?"

I hesitated. I knew the second I started talking I could lose him again. Still, I couldn't lie. Not to him. "I have a new student. Two or three. One of them if quirkless like you, another is self-destructive quirk and the last." An image of a small, frightened boy came to mind. How funny it was that he used to wear a similar expression. "He's very cute. You'll love him."

"I'm sure I would." Sai happily agreed while he sat next to me. "Won't you tell me more?" He encouraged.

"Their father. He's rough but oddly kind. He loves his sons," I admitted. There was more. So much more. My story didn't end. It wasn't over yet.

Smugly, Sai grinned in victory. "They made you happy didn't' they," he phased it like a question, but he knew it was true. "Seem like you're doing fine."

"I can't stay with you," I finally admitted the fear. I couldn't stay. Not when they're waiting for me. My cute little students. The youngest who reminds me of you and the eldest who's fun to mess with. Teaching them brought me an unexpected amount of joy. Their father whom I suppose I could call a friend. I couldn't leave him alone. Who knows what would happen to the boys? Speaking of boys there's the little one. Fragile, shy, a little grim. Never before did I want to hold and protect something like that boy. Was that the feeling you had when you first saw me, my Sai? I turned my head to this 'Sai' questioning what was even there. "Are you real or a figment of my subconscious?"

"Does it matter?" He responded with a chuckle. He wrapped an arm around me, silently telling me it would be ok. "I'll always be here. In your thoughts. In your memories." He then forced me to look at him by hooking a finger under my chin. Meet with his bright green eyes. They looked back at me lovingly. "What beautiful memories they are. The old and the new. So don't' forget them, ok?" Then he placed our forehead together. The action was as intimate as his hand that held my hand. "Carry on with a smile on your face. That's all I can ask for."

That was unfair Sai. Completely unfair. You appear before me in this dream or whatever just to say goodbye. How could you? And how could I not listen to you? My hero. My love. "Ok," I whispered. Barely able to make a sound that wasn't a whimper.

I felt a soft hand wipe away my tears. Then a flick of my forehead. The surprising pain took my tears away. "And stop acting like me ok. It's not even that good. It's fine you're being nicer, but you couldn't have at least told one puny." He scolded playfully with an angry pout.

Of course, he'd be mad at that. "Sorry, I can't do jokes. Putting them in ridiculous serious is more my style. The tutus especially were funny." I looked away wondering if it was ok to let the whole act die. I played in for so long after all. "Don't you think I'll be too boring. My old student always complained about that."

"I think your doom and gloom is charming. But don't forget to smile every once and awhile." Sai replied while pinching my cheek. He then smiled warmly at me as always. "This is only a goodbye for now, but I hope you keep me waiting for a long time. Never forget."

The room felt lighter as a light consumed us. I wanted to hold on. I did hold on but there was nothing to hold on to. The distance between us once again grew immeasurable. He was going back to a place I cannot reach him. Lighter and lighter the whiteness grower. The last thing I saw was his smiling face.

"I love you."

It was late in the noon when he opened his eyes. Arata was meant with the rays of sunlight. They kissed his face, but it didn't bother him. All he could do was stare at the ceiling. Eventually, a heat warned his eyes as his vision blurred. Like a film reel, most of his memories returned with all the emotions that came with them.

"I love you too." He whispered hoping somehow it could be heard.

It was. "Mr, Arata."

Lazily, he turned to the source of the voice. There stood a child with pale hair and red eyes. He smiled at the boy. "Tenko."

Hearing his name tears welled up in Tenko's eyes. Then he raced up to the man jumped on his chest. He then whipped those tears on their hospital gown. "I was really worried you won't remember me."

The boy was quickly followed by the Todoroki family. Touya came up beside his friend and punched the bedridden man on the arm. "Don't do that again! Overdramatic psycho."

Izuku tipped toed over the bed's ledge holding on to his teacher's arm. "Arata sensei, were you crying?" The boy asked noticed their damped eyes and red irritation. It made him want to cry too.

With a whisper, Arata nodded, "Yeah." His eyes travelled down to his hand spotting the locket his beloved gave him. Tightly, he held it trying to pull back his tears. "I had to say goodbye to some…again."

Noticing the distress, Enji stepped closer. "How are you feeling?"

Arata couldn't give an immediate answer. So many feelings were swirling around him now. There was the initial sadness and despair of saying goodbye. The irritation of being forced to say goodbye, but there was also this lightness. He was never able to say goodbye before. Nor did he want to. The world was so numb and dark without his beloved. He couldn't accept that they were gone so he foolishly hung on to pieces of them. Copying their mannerisms and looks. They were weak stings that kept him bound to what little sanity he still had. Then he found a quirkless child who was strikingly similar to his love. He latched on to the boy. A coping tool to help move his life along. He knew in the long run it won't last but then he felt it again. That warmth he once felt with his love. It was different but he didn't hate it. The more he got to know this family. They are more he saw the struggle only to overcoming it and grow with each passing day. He grew to truly care for all of them. Wanting to see each of them succeed. At some point he decided to do whatever he could to ensure their success.

"I feel happy," he admitted holding the children around him. Never wanting to let them go. "I'm really happy, Enji." He couldn't hold it in any longer as tears rained down his face. The family soon covered him. Engulfing him in their loving warmth.

I was a tool. Trained to obey. Play any role. Hero or villain. Only now I chose who I dedicate myself to. Originally that was you, my beloved Sai. I would have done anything for you. Yet you ask me of nothing but to live however wished. So, I lived happily with you. Then you were gone. I lost my purpose. Becoming a broken tool. Aimlessly, I wondered what I should do. Now I finally found a new purpose. For them, I'll be whatever they need me to be. A friend, a teacher, or

He looked towards Tenko. The odd one out of the group. Their face still in his chest while their gloved hands held him tightly. His feelings towards this boy were strange and sudden. Yet couldn't deny they were there. He couldn't help but wonder if that how his beloved felt the first time, he saw him. The need to protect without any rhyme or reason.

…perhaps something more

AN: this…was so long. But I didn't have the heart to beak it in two. I felt this would read best as one whole. I would ramble on about my thought process but I'm tired now. It's very late now. All I can do it hope you don't mind this Arata solo event. Now I'll be going to sleep . I put a lot of effort into this but I'm sure there are still mistakes. Although I'm sure there going to be many who won't care of this event. Oh well. I am just insane.