MOTHER: THE LETTER
Introduction:
After long years away from walking the inner path he stopped for a moment and looked around and delivered this letter that is his legacy. He tells that he was blind and wrong, that it was useless to suffer from heartbreak; that love for one is a lesser love; only the one who loves Everything is in love. Once the ancestral fear is overcome having resolved the dual conflict and when Union arrives, why does he deny it?
What other greater quest does he indulge in?
Be very careful when crossing the threshold: the light that shines is the same that blinds you.
Continuation:
(Bell Cranel sitting on a rock, contemplates the town from the top of the mountain and writes)
Dear mother: If you could see how my pulse dances as my soul took impulse before this sweet missive, how time has slipped between my open hands in these long and arduous years of absence. I don't know how this helpless heart got out unscathed. Rivers of a joyful waterfall through my eyes.
I would like to express everything in the most vivid way but words are amorphous portraits of what has been lived anyway.
My soul fell corrupted, the root of ruin clung to my heart like a scavenging claw to wounded prey. Sorry, mother, how could I stay?
Such was the horror of disappointment, only pain could heal me again. I had to lose myself in order to find myself. I know your generous forgiving heart will be able to forgive me...
For leaving terrified... Yeah, I ran, ran, ran until I melted into the road. The embers of hate dug into me so deep that I didn't even feel my feet bleed on the dust carpet.
Without more luggage than my shadow, I crawled around. Sometimes the soul is too heavy for such a fragile torso, grief and fatigue were on the increase and, at times it seemed that it was the soul that was dragging the body
Tried the crazy and the sane to agree but her memory still held in me:
The breeze, the meadow, everything smelled of her body and the pain that seemed to be dead yesterday welled up again. And I walked and walked to forget her and him, and show that by nature man is not a cruel being, and that time would mitigate this misanthropy of mine.
But with what slow treachery the days went by.
...
And after a long wait, the slow heavy wintry engine, at last, returned to the flowery season of spring. The lands filled with colour and the flock of its enormous palm grazed, but it was still snowing south of my soul!
I lived three days up in an elm, sleeping in its branches, biting its leaves, howling at dawn. I kept long silences. I even lost track of time! I thought I heard the thrills of the universe! And I waited so long in the deep mute stillness that, when I got up, my feet became heavy and my voice dark.
Forget what you learned, let go of yourself; distil pride, stop suffering. In the contradiction hides the meaning:
Bliss nests in fullness and fullness are in emptiness and giving up everything sets me free: to beat another is to be a winner; to beat yourself is to be invincible. Yes, mother, I have thrown the oars into the water for the natural course of the current to direct my soul and now I depend on nothing, almost everything is superfluous except for the air that I borrow and instantly return.
For the simple man, the way is simpler, what I did for love made me freer
The worldly man, even being free, feels like a slave; the inner man feels free even when chained
But the light of truth does not reside in scholarship, it is not reached with the mind but through the heart, and devoted entirely to the search for the eternal
I dived to climb to the top of the deep but it was enough to sit on a rock to see the world for the eyes were given to look within and so I learned to see in the depths of all things.
Today the stones of the road are precious stones and without more than the dust that covers me, detached from the vile desire that blinded my spirit, I am a man of humble customs.
So I survived this voluntary penance where I jailed my flesh for freeing my conscience and when I thought I was more blind, the unveiling came:
Like a huge and unique forest, the universe was shown and when I closed my eyes I could hear the harmonious song of all the birds at the same time. Today my peace is the peace of the world and the pain of the world is my pain. I no longer understand beyond this Union
Good and evil, life and death are one in harmony as dawn and dusk are lights of the same day.
...
I want to serve life without living as a servant: it is not the same to die living than to live dying, thus man perishes like fruit fallen before its time closing their eyes forever without ever having opened them.
Why carry the weight of desire as a cargo ship? If with silence in my pockets I am a sailboat, so I looked for the imperishable in everything ephemeral.
Only who seeks the Truth will become true as another sage preached yesterday: The only stable thing in life is change.
Instead, the fool mistakes happiness for pleasure and by filling his lips with honey, he fills his cardio with bile but it will not scare fear with ignorance of having for whoever desires and possesses will never cease to fear.
Wandering from a desire to desire is trying to ease the pain with new pain. During the journey, I met good men, my hands split the little I had with them and as for altruism increases the soul and swells with bliss and the heart detach from the ego, and in that disinterested action of giving and loving the essence of our original nature is hidden
The individual will only find freedom in self-denial: by giving himself to another he frees himself from his own prison. And I understood that the balance of the spirit is in love but not with the love of one to another but in greater love.
I can finally merge with men again to forgive them before I had to forgive myself, for harbouring this deep feeling of hatred in me
Ah! Yes, mother, why little did I go crazy when his unfaithful memory boiled under my skin but since pleasure is transitory, the pain was also. Now the peace and love that I feel are so immense that I do not understand that the flowers do not also sprout from winter.
Now my voice is serene and my thought is pure, may the happiness that flows from my heart flow into yours and now that I see my face traced in the water with my cheeks sunken under a bushy beard I manage to evoke the image of the child that I was when my home was your arms and the sky your clear look. Yes, that pure goodness that your eyes wield. Mother, that goodness of yours that my eyes blur although your hair must already be moonlight and oblivion is a very small place to such beautiful memory. The vast star bleeds on the blue meadow and I close my eyes to see further and be by your side.
From the beginning, you can see the end, but how blurred are the beginning moments before arriving.
I would like to hold you in my arms but I'm still far away, the journey has only begun. I want to wait here, there has to be something else, a greater truth by which I have not yet been conquered. I don't want the prizes of the world, I want the fruits of the soul. No one can obey two masters.
And you do not fear for me, I demand it
And wait for me without waiting
I love you in flesh and soul
Your son
Epilogue:
They found his body under a tree with a pool of blood between his legs
The reality of his final words not making sense at the end.