Some bad news, holiday decorating and Yukio does something drastic.

LadySelenay was so helpful with this chapter. She took over when I became overwhelmed and worried about how to write something so awful in a manner that made it work and was respectful. Thank you friend!

Warning- this chapter contains a suicide attempt. I have a warning in the chapter break before the scene comes to pass and will have a summary of the events at the end of the chapter of the scene

His body felt pleasantly numb, it was a nice respite from the near constant stress and pain. He was startled out of his peace by something fuzzy tickling his nose. He wrinkled his nose, tilting his face away from the offending thing.

Was Rin doing it again? That stupid prank usually done with a feather… but Rin had decided his tail fur would do just fine. The fuzzy thing smacked his face again and he reached up to snatch the tail. As he squeezed the furry appendage, a cat yowl startled him. Yukio forced his eyes to open, and peered at the cat perched on his chest.

"Kuro?" His voice came out rough, his mouth dry. Kuro chirped at him, batting at his nose with gentle paws.

"Good to see you awake." The voice startled him, and he tilted his head to see Shura sitting at his bedside. "How are you feeling?"

Yukio focused on his body, suddenly aware of the various aches present even with the pain killers in the IV. His arm and ribs were broken. He could feel the heat of a fever on his skin and in the burn of his eyes. "Not too bad."

Shura made a skeptical sound but didn't argue with him. After a moment of struggle, he managed to sit up, dislodging Kuro. Shura handed over his glasses, which he gratefully took. With his vision clear, he took in Shura's appearance, her shortened hair framing her eyes. He quickly noticed the strain on her face, her eyes troubled as she texted someone on the phone.

"What's going on?" He scowled at his weak voice.

"Mephisto wants to talk to you. He asked to be told when you woke up." Shura didn't look up at him, not taking her eyes off the phone screen.

"Why?" Yukio already knew. Mephisto only ever wanted to discuss Rin. Something happened with Rin. Yukio remembered Rin's memory issues that appeared before he left. Had that gotten worse? Did Rin rememberYukio?Surely he did. Or… Yukio's eyes flicked to the clock on the wall, the date displayed below the time. Rin should have had his radiation yesterday. Everything was riding on that.

"Yukio!" Shura's voice snapped him from his racing thoughts. He turned back to her, hoping to hear anything. "Mephisto will be here to explain. He doesn't want anyone else to speak with you."

There were minuscule tremors along her fingers clutching the phone like a lifeline. But her voice stayed steady, refusing to give anything away. But Yukio knew her.

"Tell me." Yukio failed to hold back his growl.

Shura opened her mouth, anger beginning to line her face when an obnoxiouspoofof pink smoke preceded Mephisto appearing. The Demon King was subdued, bowing to the two Exorcists with a sweep of his hat.

"Hello, Mister Okumura. It is good to see you awake." Mephisto stepped closer, sending an unspoken message to Shura. She stood, squeezed Yukio's hand and she gave him a soft look. She lifted Kuro off his lap, before disappearing out the door.

Yukio didn't return the demon's greeting, portraying his impatience of the useless niceties. "What happened?"

Mephisto didn't bother to sit, his green eyes staring Yukio down. He seemed to be contemplating something, a look of mild concern briefly visible. "Rin has been deemed terminal. He's been given about a month or two. He will go home with you tomorrow."

A cold feeling drifted down his back. His lungs were screaming and he became aware that he wasn't breathing. A Bariyon was crushing his chest. A hand on his head startled him and he jerked back. He inhaled sharply and looked up at Mephisto. Was the demon trying to comfort him?

"Thank you for letting me know. You can go now." A cold detachment swallowed him up. His whirling mind settled to a stop as he took a shaking breath.

Mephisto stepped away, his eyes narrowed at the boy. Yukio laid back, eyes unfocused as he gazed up at the white ceiling. He was left alone and the cold crept along his body, his fingers and toes tingling.

His fate was sealed. Rin was going to die.

"They have given up on him?" The soft voice spoke with a tender curiosity. The voice didn't match the threatening aura in the room. Too many high level demons surrounded Renzo. The sweltering heat didn't stop the tremble in his hands, nearly invisible.

"Yes, sir. What would you like to do?" Renzo stayed on his knees, not looking up as he gave information to Lucifer. A hand caressed his hair and he held back a flinch.

"I want Rin to be brought here. It is your choice on how to manage that. Befriend Yukio and have Rin brought willingly. Or take Rin from under their noses. The latter would make you a target." Lucifer was telling him to do what?

Renzo nodded, aware of the rhythmic tap of a pair of feet. The Demon King of Fire, Iblis, was watching him. He could feel her heated stare as she circled him. Her random touches made his muscles tense. He knew what she was doing. Demons were territorial. They all hated that he smelt of an enemy constantly.

"Mister Okumura will do anything for his brother. But if I know anything about that boy, you will need to stick close to him. Mister Okumura is volatile on a good day. His brother is his weakness. Use it." Todou said from the other end of the large room. He chuckled whimsically. "I can try to save the little one."

"Don't come back until you have Rin. Surely that isn't too hard?" Lucifer beckoned to the exit.

Renzo wanted to dash away as quickly as possible but… "My King… what about Mephisto? He and the Arc Knight are always around Rin these days."

"You will have your chance soon. I have aNew Year's surprisefor my brother." Lucifer let a growl slip into his voice, his golden tail swishing like a cat ready to pounce.

Twenty nine days.

Yukio watched the Cram students fuss over Rin. His brother was conscious, smiling, and joking. Outwardly he looked unbothered by his prognosis but Yukio could see it in his eyes. Fear, pain. The lingering sensation of death as Rin's body destroyed itself.

What a cruel existence. Yukio hated it.

Yukio bit back a growl as Rin scooted closer to Suguro. Shiemi was on Rin's other side, holding his hand. Kamiki and Konekomaru were across from them. None of them looked well. Their eyes were bloodshot, and swollen. Kamiki seemed to have picked up a nervous habit of chewing on her lip. Suguro's hands were unsteady as he held Rin. It was so different than the beginning of the year. They had all grown so much in the months that Yukio had been their teacher. It had been interesting to say the least.

Shiemi looked over to him and beamed, her eyes sparkled with unshed tears. Rin followed her gaze and grinned at Yukio.

"Join us, little brother! There's enough room." Rin's tail thumped against a spot on the bed.

Yukio hesitantly crept over, his chest aching. The guilt was trying to consume him, making his resolve waver. He sat amongst his students, still surprised at their habit of including him in everything.

"Hey! There enough for one more in the party? Shima crowed from the door. The galloping of feet on wood flooring had them bracing, Suguro having the insight to shield Rin before a pink blur plopped across Yukio's lap. Kamiki squawked and Konekomaru complained loudly as Shima forced his way through like a giant lapdog.

Yukio opened his mouth to scold him but the words died when he heard the wheezing laugh. Rin's face was pink as he laughed, his hands clutching his stomach. It was so carefree and brought reality crashing back into Yukio. The kids joined Rin in his laughter and Yukio allowed himself a smile.

Yukio really did love Rin. His thoughts flitted to the tranquilizer, poised and ready in the drawer across the room. He was ready. It would be a mercy.

"Your games are growing old, brother." Amaimon shook his head, flicking at the game board between them.

Mephisto stroked his chin, a thoughtful look in his eye as he peered down, calculating his next move. "Perhaps. It is almost over. The curtains will fall soon on this chapter. Then the real fun begins."

Mephisto's hand came down to move his piece, winning the game. Amaimon squawked, and pouted.

All my brothers are such sore losers.

The sun was setting on Kyoto, the temperature plummeting and the stars shining in the cloudless sky. Inside the Inn, it was warm and bright. With the beginning of December, came holiday decorating. The second blizzard of the season had already blown through, leaving cold clear skies and sub zero temperatures with endless piles of snow drifts much deeper than they appeared.

It was a few hours after dinner when Torako had crept into the kids' room, a gentle smile on her face. She had asked if they wanted to help… and that was how they ended up in the front hall of the Inn, putting up trees and wreaths.

Light and Shura were drunkenly hanging the lights, stumbling around. Yukio shouted at them as they toppled a tree in the corner. Shima was hovering around Yukio, making doe-eyes at their teacher, while Konekomaru tried to get him to help. Shima was distracted, but Ryuuji wouldn't pry for now. Takara's puppet was hanging ornaments, the tiny hands taking the ornaments offered by Kuro.

Ryuuji turned his attention to Rin, unable to take his eyes off the boy for long. Rin sat on the floor, grinning at Kamiki and Shiemi while the girls decorated the boy with silver tinsel and a string of twinkling rainbow lights. A wreath sat crooked on his head, and on top of that a Santa hat. His tail wiggled and he sent a beaming grin up at Ryuuji.

Ryuuji crouched down next to them. "Having fun?"

Rin took Ryuuji's hand, big blue eyes sparkling in the lights. "Yes!" Rin's voice was weaker than it should be but his enthusiasm was strong.

Shiemi giggled suddenly, and dragged Kamiki away who literallycackled.Ryuuji shot a glare at the girl, who gestured to the ceiling above them. Ryuuji looked up and groaned.

Right… Nee.

The little Greenman had sprouted various holiday plants so Ryuuji wasn't exactly surprised to see the circle of mistletoe above them. Rin laughed, tugging Ryuuji with surprising strength. A soft kiss against his lips made his chest clench. Rin sighed, his skin was super heated and Ryuuji gently ran his hand over Rin's cheek.

Squeals startled the couple, causing them to pull away. They were the center of attention, phones were out all around the room. Light was clapping enthusiastically, and…oh no.Ryuuji inwardly groaned.His parents.Nagatomo and the Suguros had snuck in at some point and had been watching the whole time.

Yukio cleared his throat awkwardly, shuffling his feet. "Rin? Do you want to put up the stars? Someone will have to hold you up."

Rin wobbled to his feet with a cheer, tail wagging happily. The fluffy white ball of his hat, landing in front of his eyes. The lights fell from around his shoulders, then he was putting his arms out to Ryuuji. Ryuuji smiled softly and helped Rin clamber up onto his back. Tinsel strands got all over Ryuuji. The half-demon was off-balance and shaky but Ryuuji managed to keep him up.

Yukio hovered protectively and kept his unbroken arm against Rin's back. Rin buried his face against the side of Ryuuji's neck, humming happily.

After the stars were up, Ryuuji carried Rin back to their room, cradled to his chest. Bits of silver tinsel and small green pine needles littered his hair. Ryuuji gently dusted them away as he laid Rin on the bed. His blue eyes seemed to glow and Ryuuji found the courage to say what he was feeling.

"I love you."

Rin's eyes lit up impossibly brighter. His hands squeezed Ryuuji's shirt, wrinkling the fabric. "I love you too!"

Yukio walked into the room, carrying a tray of drinks and medications. He handed them both a mug of hot chocolate, a soft smile on his lips. Then he pulled Rin to him and hugged him…

Since when did Yukio instigate any type of affection?Rin was smiling, happy to be getting attention from his brother but Ryuuji couldn't shake the feeling.Something's not right.

Yukio wasn't looking at him, too busy holding Rin to his chest. The brothers whispered too low for Ryuuji to hear. Ryuuji set his mug down and left to dress for bed.

Yukio was probably trying to cherish the time they had left. Ryuuji's body ached with the reminder of what was coming.

Warning!!!! SUICIDE ATTEMPT! Skip to note at the end for a summary if it makes you uncomfortable. This scene was written as vaguely as possible with graphic descriptions to a minimum.

The night was so calm, like the world was holding its breath. Waiting…

Yukio uncapped the covered needle, peering down at the liquid. It looked so innocent. Not something that could end a life. The dose was even more lethal now than it was a couple months ago, since Rin's rapid weight loss.

He turned toward his brother's bed, hand shaking. It would be quick, just a push and Rin would be able to rest. Rin didn't even stir as Yukio traced over Rin's arm. Suguro stirred, opening his eyes. He didn't startle at all. Suguro was watching him sleepily, a serene trust in his eyes…

He trusted Yukio. He trusted him with Rin… trusted Yukio to take care of Rin. To make everything better.

Suguro tugged Rin closer, but gently extended Rin's arm to Yukio. The Aria buried his face in Rin's hair and nodded off, his breathing a gentle contrast to Rin's wheeze.

Yukio couldn't catch his breath, there was the sensation of ice in his veins that came over him as his heart clenched. His eyes focused on the needle, and the enormity of what the solution inside the syringe contained. It was finality, an ending. A cold and sharp severing and that was the end of it. There was nothing to grasp onto after this. Nothing to hold onto. Once it was done, there wasn't anything to stop it.

It could not be undone.

His breath was caught somewhere in his throat. Somewhere in his chest. Somewhere he wasn't, and he couldn'tbreathe.Yukio couldn't do this. He couldn't betray that trust. He couldn't steal Rin's time away. It felt heavy in his hand, wrapped in his fingers.

Staring at the syringe, it felt like a livewire in his hands. It wasdeathin his

fingers. With it, he was hoping tokill his brother.The very idea of Rin so cold and still in his bed, skin as white as the sheets, suddenly felt abhorrent to Yukio.

Not by me. Rin will die, but I'm not going to do this to him.

But he had been about to. Fully willing and ready to follow through with it. Turning away, Yukio went to the door, his hand caught the edge of the door frame. The noise in his mind was like a hurricane. There were no thoughts he could hear anymore. Fumbling the door open, his nails scraped with a hollow thudding against the wood.

Padding silently down the hall, he turned out toward the back door. It squeaked less, so it made it less noticable for others when he needed to go outside in the middle of the night. He could hear the sharp wind whistling over the house. The air was brittle. Breathe the cold air and ease the storm inside his mind. His nose picked up the harsh cold smell before he finished reaching the doorway.

His fingers wrapped over the door latch as he slid back the bolt, but found it unlocked anyway. With the weather this cold out, it was highly unlikely anyone would be out in the snow, so it didn't annoy him as it would have when they were dealing with far warmer weather.

The cast somehow felt heavy with the syringe in his fingers still. The moon was just a small sliver in the night sky, and his breath puffed in the frigid air. Moving down the steps, his slippers crunched through the top crisp layer of snow. Yukio fought off a shiver as he moved briskly around the side of the house.

He could see the darkened trees further out, the weak moonlight hardly revealed their leafless branches. Bare and unrepentant about it, most would reawaken in the spring, but that was many months from now. Chilled fingers rolled the long slender cylinder against his thumb. Yukio could barely feel it in his hand anymore, yet it was a livewire that weighed on his arm.

The wind picked up again, cutting through his meager sleeping robe wrapped over his pajamas. Biting his lip, Yukio stared out at the trees, the snow moved under his feet, and he tried to remember if there were hidden subnivean drops or holes. The cold air stung his knuckles.

Patting his pockets briefly, and nudging at his pants, Yukio knew he must have left his gloves somewhere else. Brushing at his robe with his hands, Yukio became dimly aware he couldn't feel his fingertips anymore. That wouldn't matter. There was something he had to do out here, and he was going to see it done.

Yukio strode out into the snow, and shuffled through the drift on the side of the house out toward the dark and silent forest. Carryingdeathwherever he moved. It had never been closer, and yet... It had never been far from him.

Standing over his brother like that couldneverhappen again. He hadstoodover Rin, deciding his life was done. Worse, he had wanted to do it. What kind of selfish and horrible brother was he? Who was he to decide his brother's fate like that?

Wrong.

It was wrong.

Yukio knew his brother's fate was to die. But he wasn't going to do that to him. Yukio wasn't going to pick and choose, anddothat to him. It wasn't his place, Rin washappyand it wasn't his job to take that away from him right now. For the first time, Rin had friends. He had someone who loved him forhim.For the first time in months, Yukio could see clearly now. A heavy silence permeated his thoughts and the further he stepped into the darkness the more sure of his decision he felt.

Truly, he was such a horrible and weak little brother.

For that, for what he had been about to do, he would make sure it couldn't ever happen again. Tonight, Yukio would call the shots. His feet crunched through the icy layers of frosted brown grass under all the snow, and as he reached the tree cover, he tapped his slippers against the ground lightly to dislodge the snow that had attached to his feet and legs. Drifts here were higher toward the edge of the woods, the trees blocked the wind from carrying in the snow deeper. But the drift piled higher here. The snow was deeper. Standing in the silence, Yukio fought back a shiver as his fingers shook. His eyes traced the outlines of the trees that surrounded him, and Yukio nodded his head resolutely.

Lifting his arms, he brushed his numb fingers over his sleeves. The cold made the fabric stiff, and he realized the cast had frozen over his hand, making his arm almost immobile… he wouldn't be able to use it like this… His hands were too cold, and he could barely move his fingers. Looking back the way he had come from the darkened house Yukio realized he had traveled a good deal further than he thought he had initially.

He didn't have the maneuverability to use his hands like he thought he would be able to. The wind picked up around him, and Yukio couldn't fight the harsh rattling shiver that wracked his frame. His leg had stiffened up from the cold, and Yukio needed to sit down. Wincing, he turned and sat, leaning his back against the black tree trunk beside the deeper snow drift. Gingerly, and making careful movements, he reached his good hand over to pluck the syringe from his numb fingers.

Snow was coming over the top of the drift to settle over his knees. Blinking softly in the darkness, Yukio watched it start to dust across his shins and slippers. There was something hypnotic about the way flakes of frozen water would land and then a short time later they would melt against the warmth of his legs. His body shook again with a harsh shiver, and Yukio swallowed carefully. Turning his face up to look at the stars, his lips parted as a warm puff of air escaped to mist in front of him.

It was really peaceful in this darkness. Yukio couldn't remember ever seeing so many stars out in the skies like this. The past four months had been such a blur of horrors, it would never end. Yukio knew it never could. This was his life now. Everything had been one desperate move after another. Now, finally. He had something he could do of his own volition.

For so long all of his choices had never been his, not really. Other things guided his hands. Every step of his path had been hammered and paved for him to walk.Protect your brother.Told to him by his father. For fucks sake,he had.For months and months, and now? Now, Rin was dying. He was on his deathbed. He would pass soon, and Yukio had made peace with that. Surrounded by his friends and classmates, Rin was well protected.

Yukio had done his job, now there was just this. Watching as the snowmelt froze against his pajama pants, then as more snow fell on top of that, and stayed as it was. It was to his utmost surprise feeling a snowflake land on his eyelash, and stay as well. His gaze moved toward his pajama pants. His hands didn't have much dexterity left. But, he might be able to manage this. He just had to…

Looking up, his attention was caught by the snowflakes getting lifted by the wind rattling through the trees. Raising his hand, Yukio watched his fingers flexing. He didn't feel so cold anymore, at least, he didn't feel like shivering anymore. They moved sluggishly, and his bones felt stiff. But that was fine. He didn't need an abundance of movement for this.

Brushing his hand briefly against his neck, he pulled away the fabric of his robe. His fingers ghosted over the skin, testing and cautious. Manipulating his hands to do what he needed was more work than he thought it would be, and to find that even this was difficult made him almost want to laugh. The sudden hilarity struck him as odd, and he grinned inwardly.

It pinched, and felt impossibly cold, like something wet on his neck. But after flicking it carefully, it was just more snow. His breath rattled as he exhaled, and his next indrawn breath felt oddly cold in his lungs.

The flush of something else came over him, and it left him feeling slightly dizzy. Now, he just wanted to watch the stars overhead. Eyes moving up toward the sky, Yukio picked out his favorites. Their cold faraway light was so easy to distinguish from the others further away. It was incredible, how even now the light of all the stars overhead still took his breath away.

Yukio turned his head back more, his body tilting into the snow drift, but he couldn't care less. The stars looked like they were expanding overhead. It was like watching faraway explosions as the lines of light that stretched outwiggledoverhead. His breath caught in his throat. Moving would disturb the picture, so moving was no longer needed or necessary. He wanted to keep watching, and couldn't bear the misery if he missed what happened next. The other smaller stars were also wiggling their light in the sky that was incrediblyalivewith the light of so many stars.

Eyes darting over each of them, Yukio offered up a small whimper. There were stars andplanetsout there he hadn't ever even known the existence of. Laying with his back in the snow, Yukio kept very still as he felt the earth come closer to the rest of those stars, the light of them all blooming around him as planets soared in and spun out of his view.

Wisps of blue light lit up his vision, dancing like the Aurora before dissipating around the stars. Pink dust swirled and glowing green planets blocked out the rest of the sky. The dazzling display made his breath catch. Distantly he realized he couldn't inhale again.

NOTES-

Yukio wishes to use the tranquilizer on Rin. He backs out at the last moment and runs off, using it on himself instead. Yukio will not die in this story.