Chapter 60

Paradise

It was the only word he could use to describe his surroundings. The voices of his wife and brother had started to fade away. He longed to go to her. Longed to open his eyes, reach out his hand and tell her he was okay. That she would be okay, even without him. But he couldn't. His eyelids were too heavy, and the pain he felt in his side was forcing him into a deep sleep, one he wasn't sure he would ever awaken. He'd felt strange at first. The brightness from the light that surrounded him had penetrated his eyelids, forcing him to open his eyes. But it didn't hurt. He didn't scrunch up his eyes as he would normally do when Frances or Mary would throw open his heavy curtains each morning, and the warmth underneath his feet felt glorious as he walked barefoot across the golden sand which stretched out for miles before him. He had felt confusion at his surroundings as he had almost certainly imagined that when his time was up, he would be destined for the underworld. Travelling through the blazing furnace surrounded by the lost souls of the damned, but here he was, walking amongst the righteous. He surely didn't belong here. He kept walking, waiting for someone to come to him and tell him there had been a mistake, that he couldn't continue on his path and would throw him, screaming down into the fiery depths below. Unlike some, Thomas Shelby had never feared death. He'd stared it in the face more times than he cared to count, and yet, despite the many times he had accepted his fate, this time was different. This time, he had something to live for. This time, he felt as though he had been taken too early. He still had a life to lead. His children would grow up without him. Would Sara tell them about him? Would she keep his memory alive? Or would she run back to America, never allowing them to know their kin? Sitting down on the sand, he allowed the crisp, clear water to dance around his bare feet, lapping gently between his toes. He gazed out into the sun as it spread across the horizon, igniting the world around in radiance and beauty, unsure now of what his path may be. He took a deep breath in and held it for a second as he lay back onto the soft, warm sand. Closing his eyes, Tommy listened to the deafening silence that surrounded him, attempting to make sense of the world as he now knew it. He allowed the soft sound of the breaking waves to lull him to sleep.

"Tommy…"

He smiled to himself as the whisper of his name rushed past him through the gentle breeze. He prayed that he would never forget the sound of her voice.

"Tommy…"

It was slightly louder this time. Almost as though she was only standing a few feet away from him.

"Do you think he can hear me?"

Who was she talking to? Tommy tried to open his eyes but it was too difficult. They felt weighed down, his eyelids firmly sealed closed. He tried to move his legs but they lay firmly attached to the soft sand underneath him. He felt paralysed.

"Polly, call for a doctor."

As he tried desperately to get to his feet, her voice was wafting around his ears, feeling closer than ever, as though she was lying next to him, taking in the warmth from the sunshine and the coolness from the ocean. Tommy tried to enjoy the peace and tranquility of his new world around him but all of a sudden, he felt crippled in pain. His abdomen ached as though he was being stabbed by a thousand knives, one after the other. He managed to drag his hand across the sand until it finally reached his stomach. He gripped onto his shirt, gasping with short, harsh breaths as he tried to stem the pain. His eyes crunched tightly together as he felt the warmth of the sun disappear only to be replaced by a cool, icy draft.

This isn't heaven. They've found me. They know I don't belong there. That I belong with the rest of the evil spirits who leave earth feeling the same crippling pain they bestowed upon others.

Tommy cried out in pain, thrashing around as he felt hands upon him, grasping at his body, holding him down in place, the warm soft sand was no longer. He didn't understand what was happening. It wasn't often he felt scared, but not knowing his fate was oddly unsettling for him. He felt a hand stroke his face. It felt strangely familiar to him, but the other hands around him continued to hold him down, pinning him in place. The sun that had once smothered his skin with its warmth had disappeared. He could still sense bright lights, but they were cold and uninviting.

"Tommy? Darling, can you hear me?"

Her voice echoed around him yet again. She was there. She was with him. Somehow. But how could he get to her? He had no idea where he was, or where she was. How would he ever reach her?

"Tommy, open your eyes for me. I'm here. You just need to open your eyes. Squeeze my hand if you can hear me."

His instincts told him to clench his fists.

"He can hear me! He's gripping my hand."

Suddenly his eyes flew open. He was no longer alone, lying on the beach and he could sense people around him. Shapes moved around in his peripheral vision but he couldn't make them out.

"Oh thank god. Tommy, darling, I'm here. Can you hear me?"

The sound of crying forced him to try and focus on the scene in front of him. What was happening? Where was he? Sara? He could hear her, he could feel her, but he couldn't see her. Where was she?

"Oh Pol, can you see to Lucy please? I can't leave him yet."

Lucy? Who was Lucy?

"Mr Shelby, I need you to try and lie still. I'm going to give you a little something for the pain. It will help relax you."

A man's voice sounded that he didn't recognise. But it was a soothing one, and he found himself listening to it and trying to relax his body which had been convulsing in pain for the past few minutes. The pain in his abdomen had built up immensely, becoming excruciating. But listening to the sound of the voice had started to take his mind off of the agony. His muscles began to relax as the feeling of utter euphoria began to take hold. He became lightheaded as a warmth filed through his veins, and the need for sleep began to take hold of him. His last memory was of her.

"I love you Tommy, I'll be right here when you wake up. Make sure you come back to me."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Sara, you need to go and get some sleep. The doctor thinks it'll be a while yet before he's ready to wake again." Polly rested her gloved hand across Sara's back. She lay hunched over Tommys bed with her head resting upon his hand, her eyes never closing as they stared vacantly towards her husband. It had been hours since Tommy had awoken, only to fall back asleep with the effects of the morphine and Sara had dared not leave his side since. Three long weeks had passed since the incident at Arrow House. Arthur had assured her the final brother had been caught, hiding in one of the large bushes which decorated the extensive grounds, and had been taken care of. She had refused to leave his side after being apart from him during her twenty eight hour labour. Their little girl, Lucy, had been born a mere day after Tommy had been shot. She had been due at any time, but the doctor believed the shock had kick started her labour. The guilt she felt at him missing the birth was excruciating. He had promised he would be there after almost missing Jacks birth. Had she not asked for extra clothes that night, he would have been there. None of this would have happened.

"I can't, Pol." Sara lifted her head and reached up to brush his outgrown hair from his forehead. "I need to stay here in case he wakes up."

"You haven't slept in days Sara, those children need you fighting fit," Polly reached down and rubbed Sara's hand. "Come on, I'll get word to you if he wakes up."

Admitting defeat, Sara got to her feet and leaned forward to kiss her husbands lips, stroking his forehead gently. "I love you, Thomas." She whispered, gently kissing him again. She lifted her coat that was draped over her chair and pulled it over her shoulders, tying it tight around her waist. She smiled softly towards Polly who took her seat next to her nephew. "I'll keep an eye on him Sara, don't you worry."

Nodding, Sara pulled open the door to the room before taking one final glance at him, lying helpless before her. She sighed before finally walking along the long corridor towards the main entrance. She glanced at the nurses who walked past her, noting they all dropped their heads towards the floor, not daring to make eye contact. They knew who she was and what she represented. Sighing, she wondered if she would ever be free of this life. She thought about Esme, wondered where she was. Where the children were. She'd spoken several times of being free, living on a farm, but she'd lost John before that could ever really happen. Would that happen to her? Would she be forced to lose Tommy before she could ever live in peace? She couldn't imagine it had to be a choice, that she could only have one or the other. For several days it had been touch and go for Tommy. The doctor had warned her on a few occasions that he wasn't sure if he would make it through the night, but he'd overcome those poor odds each time. She could imagine him saying if he was a horse at the Derby, that it would be a wasted bet and he'd best be put out of his misery.

Stepping out into the cold night air, Sara pulled her coat tighter to her body, trying to combat the October chill. The door swung closed behind her as she began making her way down the hospital steps.

"Mrs Shelby."

Turning her head, Sara squinted down the dimly lit road, trying to make out who the voice belonged to.

"Down here, Mrs Shelby."

She smiled as Moss appeared in front of her.

"I see you've drawn the short straw Sergeant." Sara smiled as she walked towards him.

"Not at all." Moss turned to walk alongside her. "Polly said you might be ready to go home for a while. I offered to take you there. How is Mr Shelby?"

No doubt to keep tabs on me. Sara thought to herself. She couldn't deny it. With Tommy laid up in a hospital bed, now would have been an ideal time if she wanted to run. She knew Polly was keeping a close eye on her. She knew it was why Polly had been so insistent at the maids and Arthur and Linda keeping an eye on the children. She assured her it was so she would be free to stay with Tommy or get some sleep, but Sara knew better. But, despite this, she hadn't even been tempted. The thought hadn't crossed her mind. All she knew was she wanted to be there the moment Tommy woke up.

"No change yet. I just worry he'll awaken and I won't be there." Sara stepped up into the car as Moss opened the door.

"I'm sure they'll let you know if there are any signs."

Xxxxxxxxx

She awoke from her drowsy sleeping state with a jump.

What time is it?

Reaching over, Sara flicked on the light sitting on the bedside table, ignoring the pain in her corneas as she tried to adjust her eyes to the light. She could see it was almost 3am.

Fuck

She had somehow managed to sleep for over four hours. Frances had kindly taken watch over the two children to give her time to properly rest, but she had warned her that under no uncertain terms, was she to leave her sleeping if news came from the hospital. Pulling the covers off her legs, Sara noticed the crumpled white material lying tangled up next to her pillow. It was a shirt that Tommy had worn the day before the intrusion. She had found it behind the chair that he always casually threw it over at the end of a long day. Mary, one of the maids, had reached out to take it from her – no doubt to launder it – but Sara had snatched it straight back, desperate to cling onto anything of him. And although the smell of his aftershave had almost faded, it brought her comfort, and she had continued to sleep with it wrapped around her arms ever since. Folding it up, she placed it underneath her pillow before heading over to the wardrobe to pick out some clean clothes to wear. She had forced herself to go for a bath after Moss had dropped her off, so at least she felt as though she could show face at the hospital again. Getting herself dressed, Sara placed her feet into her shoes, grabbed her coat and began the journey back to her husband.

A/N - Thank you so much for sticking with me through this story. Theres probably only one chapter left. Thanks so much! I hope you've enjoyed it!