PART ONE

Nibelheim - 1993-2001

There's something wrong with him.

I know it when I first find him at the train station, slumped over in the rain, his uniform dirty and his armor cracked, his sword laying in the mud. His skin is so pale, his cheeks lined with blood, and he is barely coherent when he tries to speak, his tongue thick and clumsy in his mouth like he's forgotten how to form words. His limbs are stiff when he shuffles along at my side, groaning as if the pain is settling in deeper with every step that he takes, as if he hadn't used his legs in so long that it hurt him to walk.

But it's more than that. It's in the way that he looks at me, like he remembers me a little, but maybe not at all. Like he remembers a different version of me, of a different version of our pasts, his memories crossed with recollections of events that didn't happen. And he's missing time. A lot of time.

And that is nothing compared to his eyes.

His eyes are so... different. The last time I saw him - and all the years when we grew up side by side, shoulder to shoulder in Nibelheim - his eyes were so blue, bright and cobalt like the sky lit up with the wash of the stars when we would stare up at it together as kids. But they aren't like that anymore. Now, they glow with a dangerous rim of green that reminds me of the combustions that shine up from the turbines and cores of the mako reactors all around the city.

But there's something warm and inviting that lives in those eyes when he looks at me, even if it's hidden behind a murky, jade-green haze. He looks at me with a softness that makes it hard for me to turn away.

It's only been a couple of days since we've been reunited, but all of this has filled me with fear and with desire.

It's a fear of losing him and fear of what might be wrong.

And it's a desire to never be away from his side.

II. The Sun Is Alone Too

CLOUD

[ μ ] - εγλ - 1993 | 3 rd June

Cloud's first day at school is difficult. After arriving several hours late because his mother had other errands to run, he finds himself distracted once he arrives. The school is very small and there are only a handful of other students in his class, kids are already grouped into well-established cliques. When he arrives at the school's playground, his mother pulling him along, he notices the small groups of students playing together, peering at him with intrigue and curiosity. One of them, a very pretty girl with dark hair, had called him over to where she sat with another boy. Cloud, mistrusting and a shy and quiet kid, had gone over to her full of trepidation.

Starting in a new school is not easy for most kids, but for Cloud, it was a matter of indifference. He had started school in Midgar but hadn't attended consistently, and he had missed weeks of school due to his mother's decision in the later spring to move back to Nibelheim. Cloud had not made many friends at his school in Midgar, and the even tepid friendships that he had were splintered by his absenteeism.

Cloud does not remember his birth or early years in Nibelheim at all. He only remembers, vaguely, the last couple of years, living with his mother in Midgar, where they had lived Topside with a relatively wealthy cousin. The cousin had passed away, leaving nothing in her will to Claudia, and so the decision was made to return to their mountain town of Cloud's birth, rather than take a chance with the reality of life in the Midgar slums.

When Cloud enters the schoolhouse, traipsing behind the other children, staring at the dark hair of the pretty girl called Tifa, Cloud finds himself inclined to take a seat in the rear of the classroom, near the window. The one-room schoolhouse is old and made of brick and wood, and children of a variety of ages - from kinders to a couple of gangly preteens who are almost of age for secondary school - share the classroom. It is very, very different from Nibelheim, where schooling was industrial and regimented, with large groups of students moving together in cohorts based on age.

Tifa sits in the front of the classroom, and Cloud - who likes learning but has never really been comfortable in school - immediately recognizes how studious she is. She raises her hand all throughout the afternoon lessons, and whenever Ms. Henley asks for help with a task, Tifa is usually one of the first students to volunteer. Cloud finds himself watching her as Ms. Henley begins to demonstrate a series of arithmetic problems on the chalkboard at the front of the room, and when Tifa gets up and practices a few of the equations on the board, Cloud wonders why his heart starts to beat faster.

It only gets worse when she turns around and her eyes meet his across the classroom, a bright, happy smile on her face.

The day becomes uneventful from there. The schoolhouse's bell tower tolls at the end of the day sometime later, and feeling detached and bored, Cloud looks up as the other children leap for their cubbies. They are all laughing and shouting, spilling out of the classroom and out onto Nibelheim's dirt roads where they walk home or wait to be picked up by a parent. Ms. Henley stands at the front of the classroom, hands on her hips, watching the children leave, offering them a wave and a smile as they go.

Cloud stands and picks up his flat, empty backpack where it rests at his feet on the floor by his desk. His mother is in town taking care of errands for most of the day, so she had instructed him to carefully pay attention to the route they took to get from their small, single-story home to the school. Cloud had made note of landmarks as he had walked behind her, hands in the pockets of his shorts as they passed the General Store, the apothecary, and the water tower.

The water tower had intrigued Cloud as they passed through the center of town. It was the largest structure in Nibelheim, taller than any of the other buildings, an antiquated wooden monstrosity that supports several tons of the town's pressurized water supply. It seems crudely out of place among the village's picturesque houses and quaint shops, its ugly support beams jarring against the perfectly molded cobblestones that wind through every street and thoroughfare in town.

For whatever reason, it left an impression on Cloud.

As Cloud is making his way out of the classroom, the last to leave of the troupe of children, Ms. Henley stops him with a hand on his shoulder at the schoolhouse door.

"Cloud," she says gently, bending at the waist a bit to meet his eyes. "How was your first day of school?"

Cloud shrugs, scratching absently at a mosquito bite on his arm. He glances at the front yard of the school where the children have begun to play, making their way towards the roads heading back into town. He catches a glimpse of Tifa and her dark hair, playing with a group of those boys, and he blinks before he turns back to the teacher.

"It was okay," he answers, not really sure of what else to say.

Ms. Henley offers him a sympathetic look, then rises to her full height again with a nod. She smiles, then drops her hand from his shoulder.

"I know coming to a new school isn't always easy," Ms. Henley says. "But you'll make friends in no time. I see you've already befriended Tifa - she's a very smart girl. I'll buddy you up with her for your first week to help you get settled in, how does that sound?"

At that, Cloud feels his heart begin to pitter-patter, and he can't help the way that he grins.

Outside, Cloud scans his surroundings quickly, looking first for the road that leads toward the center of town and the water tower, where he can navigate his way back to his new home. Catching sight of it in the distance, he starts in its direction, ignoring the children who play on the schoolhouse's front lawn and spill into the road in front of the school.

"Hey, wait!"

He stopped at the sound of the voice, turning in its direction. It's Tifa - she is standing in the sun a few feet away, waving in his direction. Cloud notices that she's wearing a blue sundress and is carrying a shoulder bag with her books in it. He catches her eyes, not missing their crimson glint in the sunlight.

"Cloud?" She starts to run over to him.

Cloud at first is not sure it was his attention she was trying to get, and she manages to come to a stop right in front of him before he fully realizes. She stops and clasps her hands in front of her, smiling.

"Are you on your way home?" Tifa asks.

Cloud nods, watching the little girl carefully. Her dark hair catches glints of the sun's rays, refracting gentle red and amber hues. He cocks his head to one side, unsure of how to respond or what to do next.

"My friends and I are going to play Caves and Cactuars. You should come!"

Cloud's blue eyes widen at that. He has heard of Caves and Cactuars before but he has never played it. It doesn't sound like it was really the kind of thing he would be interested in.

"Oh, I should -"

Before he can fully respond, Tifa grabs his wrist and is pulling him behind her. Her grip is unexpectedly strong, and he finds that he can't put up much resistance, his feet forced into a jog as she leads him to the road where the group of boys he recognizes from the playground that afternoon stand waiting.

Cloud scratches the back of his neck, stopping behind Tifa when they reach the group, her friends all staring at him as he approaches tentatively in step behind her.

The kid with the neatly combed hair who Cloud had argued with on the playground at recess is glaring at him, his foot propped up on the same ball they had been playing with earlier that afternoon. Next to him, Taylor shrugs at Cloud, as if it is his way of offering a placid greeting. And the lanky boy with dark hair who had been sitting next to Tifa on the field at recess is glowering at him, chewing the inside of his lip.

Tifa doesn't seem to notice the strange stares, nor the lack of enthusiasm his presence inspires from the group. Instead, she turns with her hands in front of her, offering a proper introduction.

"Guys, this is Cloud. He's new here! Cloud, this is Emilio, Taylor, and Lester," she offers, pointing at each boy as she goes. Cloud nods slowly, saying nothing, the back of his mind working out an escape plan.

Emilio continues to glare, not bothering to say anything to Cloud. He turns his pale blue eyes to Tifa, tilting his head to one side. Finally, he speaks.

"Let's go."

The group of kids follow behind Emilio, who walks ahead of them with a confident purpose, clearly the leader of this little troupe. Cloud watches as they kick and jump off of the curb in front of the school onto the street, boundless childhood energy carrying them as they laugh loudly and make their way along the cobblestone paths.

Cloud hangs back to the rear of the group, feeling a swirl of anxious energy bubble in his stomach. He doesn't know any of these kids, and he isn't used to being around groups. The girl, Tifa, was making him even more nervous. Cloud never hangs out with girls, especially any that were as pretty as she was.

Catching him trailing them a little, Tifa whirls around to him, falling in step alongside him. Cloud glances at her, feeling his face grow warm as he shoves his hands in his pockets, looking down at his boots as he walks behind the other boys.

"So, Cloud," she is saying, and he can feel her eyes burning their curious gaze on his cheek. "Where did you move from?"

"…Midgar," he responds after a beat.

"Wow!" Tifa's voice lights up with a bright lilt, striking a chord inside of him as it raises into the air. "I've only ever seen Midgar on the TV."

Cloud shrugs, turning his eyes upwards with a flourish, watching Taylor shoving Lester playfully off of the sidewalk, causing the much smaller boy to whine a protest as he skids backward in a trip against the road. Tifa is still watching him, adjusting the way her bag is slung across her shoulder. "Do you like it here in Nibelheim?"

"It's different," he replies, then turns back to glance at her face.

She is looking at him with a wide, girlish smile, her hands wrapping around the straps of her backpack under her arm. She moves with a slight skip in her step, as if she is barely able to contain some hidden layer of energy.

"There isn't a lot to do here, but we have a lot of fun playing. I'm glad you're coming. You're going to have so much fun, too."

Cloud shrugs again, but he finds that her smile is contagious, and he soon is returning it.

They continue on their way, the boys running and shoving each other, Tifa following boundlessly, and Cloud walking with his hands in his pockets. They pass through a few narrow side streets on the southern side of Nibelheim, where the air is dusty from the wind-whipped dirt. This section of town was the furthest from the partition of the village that hugs Mt. Nibel, and Cloud has to shield his eyes from the bright sun that pours in from the plain-lands outside of the borders of the town.

The children find a small outcropping of craggy rock nearby in the grass, and Cloud can tell from their easy movements that they frequently choose this place to play. He watches as they run around in circles for a bit before they crowd around Emilio, who is holding his arms out as he begins to narrate the conditions of the game. By the time he finishes, it sounds to Cloud like nothing more than a complicated version of tag.

Cloud is hanging back from the group again, watching them. Tifa notices him standing over to the side, and comes over to him.

"Have you ever played this before?" she asks him.

Glancing over at her, he gives her a simple nod. "Yeah. It's just tag."

"It's more fun when you pretend there are monsters," she grins at him.

Cloud just shrugs.

A moment later, Emilio is strutting in his direction, his hands on his hips. "Since you're new to the group, I think you should be the Cactuar today, huh Cloud?" the boy gibes at him, tossing him a belligerent little smile.

Cloud shrugs his response again.

"This is going to be so much fun," Tifa calls once more as she runs away. Cloud watches her and the other children take off, and instantly, he follows in her direction.

Tifa is a lot faster than he expects; she is nimble and takes off to the left, the other boys sprawling across the plains in opposite directions. But Cloud is fast too, and even though he is smaller than the other boys, his legs are longer than Tifa's. Watching her hair whip around her shoulders, hearing her rich peals of laughter waft up into the open sky above them and feeling the tall grass tickle his shins, Cloud pursues her, reaching his arm forward so he can tag her.

Cloud doesn't notice that Emilio stops running when he sees him catching up to Tifa. He certainly doesn't notice the young boy stop in place a few yards away in the field, dropping down to pick something up in the grass.

Cloud's fingertips are just grazing Tifa's shoulder when he feels something sharp tack him in the side. It is as if he's been stung suddenly in the ribcage by a wasp, and Cloud gasps at the sudden smarting pain, pulling away from Tifa and whirling in the grass. His fingers have barely skimmed the flesh of her arm before his hands are clutching at his side, watching a rock roll a few steps away.

"Whoa, Emilio! What was that for?" Cloud hears Lester yell from several yards away in the field. Cloud stops to put one hand on his knee, the other still holding his rib. Tifa has stopped running just a few feet away, and Cloud can hear Taylor guffawing somewhere off in the distance by a line of sequoias.

"A bully," Emilio cries, and then he too is laughing, his puerile titters inflaming Cloud's face. "Of course, he would go after the girl first. Why don't you come after one of us, little Cloud?"

"Hey!" Cloud hears Tifa's protest off to his side, but with a grit of his teeth, he is up and running in Emilio's direction, limbs gliding over the grass. Emilio's eyes lock with his for a millisecond before the boy turns and runs in the opposite direction, his laughs drying into coughs as his lungs fill with air.

Cloud is angry. Emilio hadn't hit him hard with the rock, but it had been enough to sting. But it is such a stupid and childish thing to do, and it had ruined the game before it had even started. Worse, Emilio's words sting even more than the blow. Seething, Cloud's legs carry him across the grass, propelling him forward in a leap when he closes the distance with Emilio, carrying him into a tackle against the boy's back, sending them both crashing and rolling into the dirt.

Emilio is sputtering and screaming at Cloud to get off of him when they roll to a stop, and he gives Cloud a rough shove, causing him to skid backward.

"What's the matter with you?" Emilio shouts, and Cloud connects his fist with the side of his face.

Cloud feels Emilio's wild attacks snap back at him, but they are all awkward and flailing, while he feels his own randomly whipping around to make solid contact with the boy's skin. His mind is in a wild torrent of embarrassment and fury, and he hears the shouts of the other kids float over his head in a fog. Only Tifa's piercing shouts seem to penetrate the murkiness that hovers above him as he and Emilio exchange thin-knuckled and weak blows.

Cloud soon feels himself being dragged away by a pair of arms and reorients himself to see that Lester is pulling him away from Emilio. Taylor has run over and positions his broad frame in front of Emilio to keep him from advancing any further. Wiping the corner of his lip with the side of his hand, Cloud tears his arms out of Lester's grip, pushing himself to his feet.

Emilio has nimbly wound his way backward from Taylor with a quick jump, angling around the large boy to shake a finger angrily at Cloud. "You can't play with us, weirdo! You're a sore loser and a bully!"

Luckily, their scrap isn't more than a brief, clumsy, and ineffectual tumble on the ground, and they haven't managed to really hit one another too roughly or cause any recognizable damage. In response to Emilio's taunts, Cloud spits on the ground as he rights himself on his feet, dusting the grass from his shorts which are now covered in green streaks.

Tifa has run up to the space between the two boys and is looking back and forth between them both. Cloud watches as her face contorts between shock, dismay, and finally anger.

"What's going on with you two?" she demands, and Cloud could hear Emilio's protests and his empty accusations in response to her, but they aren't registering in his ears.

Cloud's eyes lock with Tifa's, catching their sharp ruby glint and the way that they widen when hers meet his. But he turns away, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"I'm out of here," he says to the wind.

Cloud walks back through the village, alone and angry, his hands still tight in his pockets as he seethes. The slight prick he had felt in his side from where Emilio had launched the rock at him has subsided, and despite their flailing in the grass, neither boy had been strong enough to really actually hurt the other. Instead, the entire event had turned out to be one giant disappointment and embarrassment for Cloud.

He turns over the events in his head again as he makes his way through the center of town, passing the water tower. Everything had deteriorated so quickly, just like they had on the playground during recess. Is there something wrong with him that he can't get along with anyone, even when they invited him in?

He thinks about the look on Tifa's face just as he'd turned to leave. He can't quite place what had actually been flickering behind her oddly colored eyes. All he knew was that he doesn't like it, and he feels thoroughly embarrassed by it, knowing his behavior had been its root cause. He feels like he has squandered his one opportunity to get to know another kid he might actually like.

And what is Emilio's problem with him? While the other kids at school mostly seem indifferent to Cloud - it is true he hasn't gone out of his way to approach them or try to befriend them - Emilio had been outright hostile to him from the moment that he arrived on the playground that day. Just in a span of a few hours, they've already had two major spats. Cloud had barely gotten through his first day of school in one piece.

When Cloud finally makes it home, stopping in front of his small front yard, he wonders if his mother is home from her errands yet, and sighs, shaking his head as he paces through his front door.

It's only been one day, but already, he doesn't feel like he belongs here.