Hello! Please enjoy!

Beta'd by AnxietyAvocado

*This chapter contains themes of anxiety, which includes a description of a panic attack. Please read at your own discretion.*

"Inside" by Bang Gang

"Fighter, I—I don't know what happened…"

With her hands on her hips, Fighter stepped closer to the distressed woman, noticing a folded-up piece of paper that she was holding to her chest. "What is it, Kame?"

Tears were already streaming from her light blue eyes and down her cheeks. Her breathing and speaking rhythm were erratic as she tried to control herself. "They're... sending me… to Ginmoku."

"What?!" Fighter's face tightened into a confused scowl before she snapped the paper out of her hands to read it.

"I don't know. The palace—I… I don't know." She hugged herself and sniffled, rubbing her arms.

Fighter shook her head after a few moments of grazing. "They can't do this."

Kame's gaze fell to the ground. "Did you… want this? If you felt we were getting too serious, I understand—"

"Of course not!" She quickly took her in her embrace, her nose nuzzled into her platinum hair to whisper in her ear as her eyes began to water. "I would never do that. I would never want you away from me."

Kame returned the embrace. Despite being more comforted, her tear production increased. "Seiya, please don't let them send me there," she sobbed.

"I'm going to fix this. You're not going over there, I promise."

"I love you, Seiya." She squeezed her. "I love you so much."

Seiya surfaced from her light slumber when she heard her phone vibrating on the coffee table to the rhythm set for incoming calls. While she could make out the name and photo from her place on the couch, she still sat up and leaned over to confirm that her eyes weren't deceiving her.

"Odango."

Usagi strolled into the grocery store, her skin pink and damp from walking a few blocks in the midday heat as not a cloud was in sight; she was nearly panting. Once she was hit with the sweet draft of the air conditioning, she lifted her plastic sunglasses to rest atop her head and grabbed a small shopping basket at the entrance. Placing it atop the metal cart, her eyes caught sight of the newly-stocked stack of cantaloupes at the front of the produce section.

Once there, she picked up one of the heavy, cream-colored fruits, her intentions to knock on it to begin her quality check. However, she couldn't help but focus on how heavy it felt—such a small thing to hold so much weight that was mostly water. It seemed to get heavier the more she thought about it, and then the more her arm hurt, so she brought her other hand to rest under it and evenly distribute its weight. Her grip tightened on the hard, netted skin, contemplating how rough and bumpy it felt against her fingertips while also trying to imagine how much pressure it would take to crush the fruit.

But why was she thinking so much about it? She never thought so much about a cantaloupe before, so why is she thinking so much about it now? That could only mean one thing… and she told herself to get her mind under control. However, that only made her unable to stop thinking about it—its skin, its weight, how her hands felt holding it and her fingers touching it… For something so small and yet so heavy, was it even real? And since she was able to hold and feel such a heavy thing for as long as she had been… is she even real?

Oh god, no, wait… not here!

Usagi dropped the cantaloupe back down on the pile, the universe taking sympathy on her by not causing the melon pyramid to collapse or any other of the fruits underneath to be crushed. Her heart began to race as her head filled up with dizzying air, losing the ability to even process the onset of her panic attack and her surroundings. The lights of the store seemed to get brighter, and yet dimmer, as her environment became a slow-motion simulation of life. As her consciousness separated from her body, questioning each of her senses, she then palmed a couple of cantaloupes to confirm reality and ground herself.

She whipped her head around to look for anyone nearby who could be watching her because they would be watching her and know exactly what was going on in her mind. Then just as quickly, looked back down at the melons, wondering how long she had been staring at other people… how much time had passed. Was it one minute, ten minutes? Was it too much time to be seen as a normal amount to stand by the cantaloupes?

Usagi took deep, concentrated breaths in through her nose and out through her mouth, trying to maintain the four-seven-eight technique taught by her blabbermouth ex-therapist. All the while, she abandoned her empty cart and power-walked over to a more inconspicuous part of the store of a women's restroom stall. She was thankful she was surrounded by bare white all around—no vivid colors or shapes to overstimulate her senses any more than they were. Feeling trapped and helpless, all she knew was that she had to get out and she needed help.

As she was made aware of another person in the restroom who had exited her stall to wash her hands, Usagi grabbed her phone from her purse and began to try to text Mamoru. But since her mind felt empty, and yet so saturated, by the time any words got to her thumbs, they were too shaky and light to structure any coherent sentences. On top of that, she realized the chances of him answering a text immediately while asleep was impossible; even if she called him, she would definitely not get him on the first try.

She swiped her thumb to go back to the home text screen and saw a name toward the top of the list which sparked a little hope. There was a flicker of hesitancy, but she knew this was the best chance she had of escape. She waited until she detected she was alone in the restroom to make her call in peace.

"Hello?"

"Seiya? It's me."

"Hey, Odango."

"Um, I'm so sorry to bother you… I didn't know who else to call… um… I'm just kind of freaking out right now." For some reason, she tried to laugh off that last part, though it came off as a whimper.

Seiya's voice turned more attentive. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"I just… I'm sorry, I'm… not doing well right now." Usagi crouched on top of the toilet in an effort to keep her body from shaking, however, her voice absorbed it all. "I'm having a panic attack."

"I'm sorry, Odango. Are you at home?"

"No, I'm at the Hanamasa by the house. I'm in the restroom."

"Oh shit. Did you want me t—" She stopped herself mid-sentence and fell silent for several moments.

Her long pause didn't go unnoticed by Usagi, afraid that the call had dropped. "Seiya? Are you there?"

"Yes, I'm here. Sorry." She cleared her throat. "Uh, just… slow down and regulate your breathing… in through your nose and out through your mouth…"

Usagi nodded, inhaling slowly through her nose. "I just feel like I'm going crazy…" She let it out. "I can't stop thinking about... thoughts and—and… cantaloupes! What is wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong with you. Thinking about cantaloupes doesn't make you crazy."

"But it was like I was thinking too much about them!"

"That's okay. You've… had a lot of stress lately…" Seiya trailed off, once again clearing her throat. "So it makes sense your mind is more sensitive."

"Maybe, but… It's still so scary… I just want it to stop."

"I know, Odango. I know it's scary, but I promise you are completely safe. I know it doesn't feel like it but I promise you'll be okay. Just let it be and let it pass, and keep breathing."

Usagi nodded, completing a couple of rounds of breathing exercises as Seiya kept silent and on standby.

"Thank you, Seiya. Could you... stay on the phone with me?"

"Of course."

Half-awake with his eyes fully closed, Mamoru rolled over in an effort to silence the alarm on his phone. However, his body only made it so far when it seemed another body was in the way. While his eyelids were still sealed shut from his deep slumber, his hand had to do the work to discern his obstacle, feeling the smooth skin of an arm that helped him out in his quest by snoozing the alarm for him. His head moved closer into hair to get a better whiff of the familiar scent of gardenia, curling his mouth into a small smile. As his mind then relaxed, he took the small body into his sleepy big spoon embrace, even rubbing his foot down on her calf to strategically wedge his knee in between hers.

"Usa… when did you get here?" He spoke against the back of her head.

"What time is it?" Usagi sank further into his hold, her eyes also still closed.

"The alarm is set for three."

She emitted a crackling hum. "A couple of hours ago."

"Was it a busy day?"

"Mmm… kind of." She had to release a big yawn before finishing her sentence. "I tried to go to the grocery store…"

"You tried?"

"Well, I did, but… I had a panic attack while I was there."

"I'm sorry, Usa." He nuzzled her head. "Are you doing okay now?"

"Yeah. I called Seiya and she helped me."

"That's good." He breathed out a humored 'hmm.' "Did she tell you about her and Motoki?"

Usagi's eyes shot open, her mind now fully awake and volume suddenly above a whisper. "What about her and Motoki?"

"They've been seeing each other."

"What?" Usagi turned her head to look at Mamoru square in his sleepy eyes, wondering if that was the tiredness talking.

"Yeah, they've gone out a couple of times since that night we hung out. She didn't tell you?"

"No… I mean… it didn't exactly come up." She felt an uneasiness in the pit of her stomach as she turned her head back around to face forward.

"They've been posting pictures together on Instagram."

"What? Whose Instagram?" Her head might as well have made a full one-eighty this time.

"Motoki's and Seiya's."

"Seiya has an Instagram?"

"Yeah, I think so. Have you seen it?"

"No! I deactivated my account and deleted the app."

"Why?"

"It was suggested by Doctor Kagoya." She grabbed her phone that was on the nightstand next to Mamoru's.

"That makes sense. If it's detrimental to you mentally, maybe you shouldn't—" Too late—Usagi was on her back with her phone in hand and the install circle already loading on her screen. With no energy to argue, Mamoru decided to roll over to lay on his back as well and continue working on keeping his eyes open. Not even a few seconds later, he could sense her breathing rhythm elevate.

Usagi was stunned. It didn't take too much scrolling to see a post from Motoki a couple of days ago which featured Seiya and was liked by Minako and thirty-nine others. This particular photo was a selfie of them sitting at an outdoor restaurant table, and in her lap was a white panting French Bulldog.

"Whose dog is that?" She snapped.

Mamoru turned his head to check her phone screen. "She's Motoki's."

"Motoki has a dog?!"

"Yeah, he got her a few months ago. You've never seen Olive?"

"No!" She dropped her voice as if he should have already known the answer to that question.

"She's really cute." He yawned. "We'll have to do a double-date over there so you can meet her."

Usagi grumbled, not exactly thrilled at the suggestion. She tapped the photo to view the tags and lo and behold, Seiya's username popped up right under her chin as "_super_red."

Please be public. Please be public. Please be public.

Usagi tapped on the black bubble and was taken to a fresh profile page with a handful of posts consisting of food, selfies, and group photos with varied rotations of Yaten, Taiki, and Minako. Already, she had a little over one hundred followers, and herself following only twelve people, which included Ami, Rei, Makoto, Minako, and stupid Motoki.

Her eye twitched as a result of the rush of shock and jealousy as she began scrolling through Seiya's posts, asking herself how and why she had no idea about this or Motoki. Out of her friends, Usagi considered herself the closest to Seiya… wasn't she? Seiya was the one with the crush on her… right? Though it looked like Minako was in the midst of pushing her out of either or both those positions as she was present in multiple photos with Seiya at the hotel pool.

Not to say it was awkward between Seiya and Usagi. Since the night of the dinner, they exchanged a few texts the next day—Seiya explained how she went off with Motoki, and Usagi went along with it acting happy for her because, as she had to remind herself despite her monster hangover, there was nothing to be upset about. Afterward, it was crickets—mutual, comfortable crickets. And sure their conversation earlier in the day was centered around talking Usagi down from her panic attack, but there were some normal conversation topics mixed in to fill in the gaps. There were opportunities for her to share certain information. So why did Seiya feel the need to hide her life from her, but not from anyone else?

Mamoru's alarm went off again and Usagi snatched his phone to turn it off, tossing it back on the nightstand with a loud thud sounding from the wooden tabletop. Mamoru couldn't help but become a little concerned for her… and his poor phone.

"Everything okay, Usa?"

"It's just—" She sighed and dropped her hands, ready to vent. "She didn't tell me any of this!"

"Tell you what?"

"That she's on Instagram and she's seeing Motoki!"

He shrugged. "Is it that big of a deal?"

"Well I know if it were me, I would tell her these things."

"So text her, then."

She smacked her tongue and sighed out a whine, her tone lowering into doubt as she released her phone and grabbed the end of her hair to pick at.

"Should I, though? It might be kind of weird…"

"Didn't you just talk to her today?"

"Yeah but, randomly texting later asking about stuff she didn't tell me is… it's kind of desperate, isn't it?"

"No…" Mamoru squinted in confusion, having a hard time processing her rationale. He felt he was missing something, which made him question his answer.

"I mean like, she obviously doesn't want me to know."

"She probably forgot. If you were having a panic attack, she was most likely focused on trying to help you."

"Yeah, but, there have been other times she could have texted me these things and she chose not to."

"Maybe she's waiting to tell you in person."

"Okay, but, on Instagram, she's following everyone else and not me. She obviously doesn't want me to see into her life."

"But you deactivated your account."

"That's not the point!" Usagi gestured with her hair still grasped in her fingers. "She could have texted me to ask where my account was or like, how to use it!"

Mamoru rolled over, rubbing his hand on his forehead and then down his face while groaning. "Usa, it's just Instagram. Just because she didn't ask you about it doesn't mean she's trying to hide stuff from you."

"Well, she didn't tell me about Motoki either." She folded her arms.

"Then text her."

"Mamo, I can't do that!"

"Okay then don't text her."

"Mamo! You're no help!" Usagi had to sit up on her elbow to handle the absurdity of his suggestion. "I need you to help me!"

His mouth dropped and eyes widened, half-scared but wholly baffled at the sudden escalation and circles the conversation was going in. "I am trying! What do you want me to say?"

Her mind was spinning yet again—her heart also buckled up for the ride—and the only way she knew how to control the vertigo was to lash out. Realizing her indecisiveness, she relaxed her body in resignation with a whimper, and curled up to him, squeezing his arm and rubbing her face in his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Mamo. I just don't know what to do. Please tell me what to do."

Mamoru sighed as his face and heart softened. He turned on his side toward her before grabbing her hand and rubbing the back of it with his thumb.

"Where is this coming from? Why are you so upset?"

"I don't know…" Truly, her exhausted and cluttered mind couldn't pinpoint the reason or origin of her emotions. "She's only here for so long and I feel like things are weird because of my stupid mental issues."

"You're overthinking it." Mamoru squeezed her hand. "Seiya seems really laid back, especially if Motoki likes her. Just text her, and if she doesn't want to talk about it, then that's on her."

Usagi managed a small smile, comforted in knowing he was coming from a logical perspective. Really, why was she so scared to talk to Seiya? Maybe that's exactly what Seiya had been feeling, too. As much as Usagi tried to discount the fact they slept together, perhaps it was still too fresh for Seiya to comfortably transition by herself back into normalcy. Perhaps, she was waiting for Usagi to take the lead and make the first move. As apprehensive as she was to do so, she knew it would eat at her more to hold it inside and to not at least try. If there was something she knew deep in her heart and was the truest thing she said to Seiya on that day in the hotel lobby, was that she still cared about her so much.

So, so much…

Later that evening, after Mamoru had left for work and Usagi spent more time mulling over the situation, she was hit with a sudden memory that had her jogging to the guest closet. From the depths of shopping bags stuffed with medical textbooks and boxes of Christmas decorations, she uncovered a large flowery shoebox full of nostalgic items ranging from childhood to last year. On top of the pile of memories was a small pink, fuzzy reminder of her connection with Seiya. She couldn't believe she still had it as she had lost so many things before… things she didn't realize were lost until years later. So for this to be staring back at her, it must have been fate; a sign that gave her that little push to decide tomorrow morning would be when she'd reach out.

"Odango?"

Standing in her bathroom, Usagi was twisting and angling her body in front of the mirror to emphasize her assets for inner critique and compliment. She donned a pair of short athletic shorts and a cropped muscle tank, taking inspiration from Seiya's outfit the day of their talk. It didn't take long for her to notice she didn't quite fill out her shorts as well as Seiya was able to, and before she could pat and rub her soft stomach that pooched out slightly more than normal, Seiya had answered her phone.

"Hey, Seiya! How are you?"

"Everything okay?"

"Oh yeah, I'm much, much better. Thank you so much for talking to me yesterday."

"Of course. I'm glad to hear you're better."

Usagi could pick up on the smile in Seiya's voice and thus couldn't contain her own. "Do you want to know something I heard?"

"Sure. Always."

She grabbed her hair, wrapping it around her finger. "I heard you and Motoki are kind of a thing…"

There was a considerable pause, followed by her voice cracking in the midst of nervous laughter, trying to find words. "Uh… we're not… really a thing… it's nothing serious."

"So it's like a friends-with-benefits situation?"

"Sure, that's one thing to call it. It's just really… not… serious."

There it was. Maybe since Seiya didn't see it as serious, she thus didn't see a point in telling her… Usagi could forgive her for that. But she still had to answer for her Instagram.

"Well, maybe you can tell me more about it. Are you busy tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow? Um…" Seiya had to think about it for a half-second. "No, not really. Yaten wants to go shopping but she pretty much does every day."

"Maybe we could do brunch?"

"Yes, brunch sounds good."

Usagi did a little victory dance. Step aside, Minako. "Great. Do you have a place in mind?"

"Actually, I've been eying this breakfast burger they keep advertising at the hotel restaurant. Would that work?"

"Of course! That sounds delicious! Maybe we can split it."

"Oh? Does Odango like sharing food now?"

"No, just yours."

Seiya laughed for several seconds, giving Usagi such a high; she realized she hadn't really heard her laugh like that since 'that night.' "I'm sure I'll need help finishing it anyway."

"Perfect. So, see you around eleven?"

"Yes, see you then."

"Bye-bye!"

Usagi hung up her phone and performed a succession of little jumps and T-Rex arm waves to get her excitement out of her system. With so much bottled up, she had to really control herself from screaming and waking more than just Mamoru. Such a rush cleared her mind of the anguish she felt the previous day and rejuvenated her body to a state of restlessness, and she was then suddenly motivated to get out of the house.

She had some shopping to do.