Xenudah continued to hold his father close. His mind raced and his heart thundered. Every muscle in his body was tense, and every emotion was pent up. His body shuddered, and he felt his resolve weakening.
"I'm here, son..." Yakunan whispered. "I'm never letting you go..."
That was all Xenudah needed to hear. The tears from the emotions he had been suppressing were enough to push him over the edge. Tears streamed down his face, and he sobbed quietly. He let go of his control, and his control of the darkness, and let the sorrow take its hold on him. His voice was low, and he allowed himself to cry. He held his father close, and he wept openly. "I'm sorry, Father," he cried. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."
Yakunan held his son tightly, feeling the heat of his son's tears through his robes. His heart ached as he struggled to hold his own emotions. He was overwhelmed by the sight before him. "It's alright, Xenudah," he murmured softly. "Let it out, my son. Let it all out... It's alright..."
Xenudah continued to cry softly. His body convulsed as the sobs became more and more intense. He squeezed his father close, burying his face in Yakunan's shoulder and allowing the tears to wash away his worries. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Father... I... I'm so sorry..."
The once-former Overlord continued to hold his son tightly. He ran his hand through Xenudah's hair. "It's alright, son," he mouthed to his son. "It's alright... It's alright..." He felt himself choking up again, and he paused for a moment to regain his composure. He kissed Xenudah on the forehead and held him close.
Xenudah tightened his grip on his father, afraid to let go of him. He was afraid of his father moving. He was afraid of his father dying. He was afraid of his father getting hurt. He was afraid of his father leaving him. He was afraid of his father disappearing from his life. Xenudah felt his heart break as he looked into his father's eyes. He clung to his father. "Don't make me leave you again, Father... I don't want to lose you again... I don't want to... I don't want to..."
Yakunan closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and swallowed his tears. "Xenudah, I've got you," he whispered. "I'm not going anywhere… I'll never let you go… I'll never let you leave my side again... We're together, my son, both of us… Forever and always. It's going to be alright…"
"But what if it isn't?!" Xenudah asked, crying. "What if it isn't?!"
"Xenudah…" Yakunan sighed, hugging his son tightly. He felt tears streaming down his face as he closed his eyes, hoping as much as he could that it wouldn't be too bad. "Don't worry son..." he murmured. He felt his heart hurting, and he could feel his tears trying to get out.
"Don't lie to me, Father! Please don't!" Xenudah cried. "I can't lose you again! I won't be able to take it!"
The tears were collecting in Yakunan's eyes, and he felt a single tear slip down his cheek before he wiped it away. "It's alright, Xenudah... It's going to be alright."
Xenudah felt his resolve wavering. He felt his emotions getting the best of him as he felt his mind racing. "Father?" he whimpered, burying his head in Yakunan's robes. "I don't want to lose you again..."
"It's alright, son," Yakunan murmured. "I promise you, I won't leave you again."
"I...I don't want to lose you again..." Xenudah repeated, sobbing. "I can't live without you, Father... I can't..."
"You won't lose me, my son... I won't leave your side…"
"Shhhhh..." Yakunan cooed softly, brushing his son's hair. "I promise you, I won't go anywhere... I'm not going to leave you… I'm not going to disappear… I'll never let you go again... I promise, Xenudah..."
"What if..." Xenudah whimpered. "What if they kill you?" Xenudah asked. He felt his heart racing, and he felt his chest tightening. "What if...what if the Oni kill you?" he repeated, choking on his words.
"They won't..." Yakunan answered. "They can't... I won't let them... I'll protect you, Xenudah... I'll keep you safe..."
"I don't want to lose you again..." Xenudah's voice cracked as he sobbed. "I don't want to lose you again..." He felt his heart sinking as he trembled, and he felt his mind racing. "Father... " he whimpered, burying his face into Yakunan's robes. "I...I don't know if I can take this..."
Yakunan gently brushed through Xenudah's hair again. "I'll be right here, son. I'll never let go, I promise…"
"I don't want to lose you again..." Xenudah's voice cracked as he sobbed. "I don't want to lose you again..." He felt his heart sinking as he trembled, and he felt his mind racing. "Father..." he whimpered, burying his face into Yakunan's robes. "I...I don't know if I can take this..."
"I'll be right here, son. I'll never let go, I promise…" He closed his eyes, trying not to cry. "Come on, my son... Let it go... Let it all out..."
Xenudah felt his control slip, almost as much as his resolve. He was almost at his breaking point. He gripped on to Yakunan tighter. He put all of his energy into holding it together. He swallowed hard as he trembled. "P-Please..." he whispered, his voice cracking. "Please... Don't leave me... Don't go away... I can't... If you go away... I'll... I'll..." Xenudah was caught between crying and screaming in exasperation.
He felt relief wash over him as he clenched his eyes shut. He buried his head in Yakunan's robes once again and gasped for breath. He felt his frustrations and fears being forced out of him like carbon dioxide being exhaled. He trembled as his sobs subsided.
"I'm not going anywhere," Yakunan promised softly. "Remember that, son... Remember how I always said that…" He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. "I'll never leave you… Remember that... I promise… I won't leave you… I just don't want to ever leave you..."
Xenudah felt his face heat up in embarrassment from crying while he buried himself into his father even tighter. The tears were collecting in his eyes. He whimpered, and he felt Yakunan's presence trying to comfort him.
"I'm not going anywhere," Yakunan repeated, choking on his words, empathizing with his son.
"I know, Father…" Xenudah replied as he held on to his father, trembling. "I'm just… I'm just… I'm just so afraid…"
"I know... I know it hurts…" The former Overlord gazed softly down at his child, pulling him close, gently hushing. "I'm right here... I'm right here…" He didn't want to let his son go.
"Take it all away! I don't want the darkness inside me anymore!" Xenudah shrieked, his shoulders and body trembling with his cries. He was flying between tears and his terror of the darkness. Xenudah's voice shook as he cried. "Make it go away! Make me normal!" His sobs were getting stronger. The fear he was feeling was encompassing him and was truly unbearable for him. His sobs turned into tears, and his sobs turned into screams. "I-I… I don't want to be scared… I don't want the darkness! I don't want it… I don't want it!" Xenudah screamed loudly.
The former Overlord swallowed hard, tightening his grip on his son. He closed his eyes and calmed himself as he held onto Xenudah, rocking him gently.
"I promise it'll be okay…" Yakunan continued to whisper. "It's going to be alright, my son. I won't let you go ever again."
"Make it go away! Make the darkness go away! Make me normal again!" Xenudah continued to yell and sob. He felt a manic energy in him, having broken down from the traumatic encounter with his darkness. The shadows that coursed through him seemed to be ever-present, and Xenudah couldn't escape it. He could still hear it, and he could still feel it. "Make me normal, or just...just leave me in the darkness! I don't care! Just take it away! It's too much!" Xenudah continued to cry and yell as Yakunan held him tightly.
Yakunan understood why Xenudah felt that way. His son had been through far too much at such a young age, and the consequences kept on building up. While he had been separated from his son, consumed by the Oni's darkness, he could barely keep himself together, the evil consuming everything except his love for his son.
"You've been through so much, my son…" Yakunan whispered as he held Xenudah, one hand on his son's head, the other on his back. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"
"Make me normal again! I don't care what it takes! I don't care what I have to do! Just make me normal again!" Xenudah repeated, his voice shaking with each sob.
The former Overlord could feel the battle that his son was waging with himself. With each sob, Xenudah's anger and frustrations were being released. He was just so scared of losing himself.
"Everything is going to be alright…" Yakunan repeated as he held onto his son. "I'm going to protect you, Xenudah… I promise…"
"Make it go away! Make it go away! Make it go away!" Xenudah sobbed loudly, continuing to yell. "Just… just make it go away! Take it all away from me!"
Yakunan gently rocked his son back and forth, tightening his grip. He continued to comfort Xenudah as his son released his frustrations.
Suddenly, Xenudah managed to calm down. He stopped his sobbing and screaming as he rested his head on his father's shoulder, pulling away as his tears rolled down his cheeks and shirt and face. He felt like he was losing his mind, unable to find any sense of normality inside of him, even after all that time separated from his father.
"I'm here now, my son," Yakunan whispered. "I'm here now."
Xenudah held on to Yakunan tighter as he rested his head on his shoulder, his sobs subsiding as he tried to breath steadily. He felt like he was going to go into shock, and he tried to use what little strength he had left to cry it all out.
"I'm here, my son..." Yakunan repeated, watching his son's face, trying to soothe him. "You're safe..."
"I don't know what's going on…" Xenudah replied as he shook his head. "Some days I'm fine, others I'm an emotional wreck …"
"It's the darkness... I'm sorry you have to go through that..." Yakunan said as he held his son, his voice shaking with sorrow. "I'm going to make it better, my son. I'll protect you... I'll protect you... I'm going to keep you safe... I'll make the darkness go away... I promise..."
"I'm sorry…" Xenudah continued to whisper as he held on to Yakunan tightly. "I'm sorry…" He felt exhausted and drained. He was drained of the usual energy he usually felt from having the darkness inside of him. He felt weak, and he felt vulnerable. It was his worst nightmare right now. The feeling made Xenudah feel even more terrified and afraid of the darkness. He felt like he couldn't take another day of being so broken.
"I'll protect you, Xenudah… I'll protect you… I love you, my child... There's nothing to be afraid of… I'll watch over you... I'll protect you…" Yakunan continued to whisper to his son.
Xenudah felt his heart break a little more as he sobbed, silently crying. He didn't want to be scared anymore. He had lost control of his emotions, and he felt weak and broken from all of the pain and the trauma he had lived through. He wanted to feel normal, to have his old self again.
"I'm sorry…" He whimpered, turning his head away from his father and his surroundings. He felt ashamed and embarrassed for having such a breakdown in front of his father. He was broken inside and out. He couldn't feel for himself, he was just being pulled by the feelings of pain, anger, and fear. His heart started to ache from a deep sadness as he lay there, his tears pouring down. He felt as if he was barely keeping himself under control. He felt the shadows filling him up as he had ever felt before. The feeling agitated his heart. It overwhelmed him. The shadows were everywhere. They throbbed and pulsed and surged through him. They couldn't be stopped. They wanted to take over his body. They were consuming him. Xenu trembled, shaking as tears ran down his face. He could feel the darkness trying to overpower him, to drag him into the darkness.
"I'm sorry…" Xenudah sobbed as he held on to his father tightly. "I'm sorry I'm so weak..." He tried to fight the darkness, begging it to just let go. "Please... Don't take me... Please!"
Yakunan sensed the change in his son, intensely feeling his son's emotions come bursting free. He could sense how Xenudah had been trying to fight the darkness, but he was losing. As the darkness started to creep up and consume Xenudah, Yakunan knew that he had to act fast. He couldn't let the shadows take his son.
"The darkness is trying to control you, Xenudah…" Yakunan whispered softly, firmly, into his son's ear, cradling his son in his arms. "Fight it... Please... Please fight it..."
"I don't want to be consumed by it…" Xenudah whimpered as he turned his head away from his father. "I don't want it to take over me…" He flinched and yelped as he felt the darkness course through his being. He gritted his teeth as he tried to push the darkness back.
"You're stronger than this..." Yakunan whispered, softly and soothingly, rubbing his son's back. "I'm here with you... I'm here with you..."
"You promised…" Xenudah whimpered as his heart pounded from the overwhelming fear. He remembered all the times when Yakunan had taken over his body, the times when he had felt completely powerless, his voice silenced. He couldn't let that happen again. He couldn't let that part of himself back in. He didn't want to lose himself to it. He didn't want to lose his voice. He didn't want to lose everything he was. He didn't want to lose himself in the darkness. He wanted to remain himself. He was scared out of his mind with the shadows throbbing through him. He felt weak, and he felt broken. He didn't want to give in. He didn't want to hurt his father. He didn't want to hurt anyone.
"I'm not going to hurt you... I'll fight whatever comes up... I'll keep you safe... I promise... I promise..." Yakunan whispered soothingly, trying to calm his son down as he kept rubbing his back.
"I'm sorry..." Xenudah whimpered as he felt his heart pound, his emotions raging through him. "It's my fault..." He felt completely out of control.
"It's not your fault my son..." Yakunan whispered, trying to comfort his broken child. "It's the darkness that you cannot fight... It's not your fault... I know how you feel... I've felt that way... I know how you feel... But you will be okay... I promise..."
"I can't do it..." Xenudah whimpered as tears continued to roll down his face.
"You can... You will..." Yakunan answered simply, trying to reassure his son that he could control the darkness, help it to go away. "You can... I know you can..." He cradled Xenudah's face, softly brushing his hair. "You'll be okay... I promise... I'm here to protect you... The darkness comes in waves, Xenudah... I know it's scary... but you will be okay..." Yakunan whispered softly, his voice full of emotion.
Xenudah leaned his head against his father and sobbed loudly, his heart pounding in his chest. "I love you... I don't wanna hurt you..." He whimpered as his throat tightened. He couldn't help but cry, knowing that the darkness was threatening to take over him. He didn't know whether or not he could fight it. It was taking a lot of strength to try to keep it at bay. Xenudah blamed himself for everything that was happening. He felt guilty that it was his fault.
"You won't hurt me, my son... I'm here to protect you... I'm here to help you..." Yakunan whispered softly, holding his son in his arms, gently brushing his hair. "The darkness will fade once it's over... I promise... You won't hurt me... It's all going to be okay... You have to trust me..."
"This world is so big, it scares me... I don't know where to start…" Xenudah whimpered as he continued to grasp his father.
"Start with me, son... You can start with me..." Yakunan said softly and gently, still speaking softly into Xenudah's ear.
"I miss what I used to be..." Xenudah continued to sob.
"I know, my son... I know you miss it... I know everything about you... I love you... You're still you... You're still my son... I can feel you... I know you're there... I promise you, Xenudah... You're still my son... I'm here to protect you... Trust me... Trust me... Please fight it..."
"I want to be the way I used to be..." Xenudah whimpered as he tightened his grip on his father. "I don't want to hurt anyone... I just don't ... I don't know who to be anymore..."
"You're still you... You're still Xenudah... You're still my son... I love you so much, Xenu... I promise you... You're still you... I love you so much..." Yakunan sighed softly, continuing to hold his son, gently brushing back his hair.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." Xenudah whimpered as he felt a voice in the back of his mind. It was an angry voice. It was a voice he wasn't familiar with. It was a voice he didn't recognize. He didn't know who it belonged to. He felt the voice inside of him, battling with him. He felt the darkness surge up inside of him. "I'm so sorry..." He whimpered as he sobbed. He felt as if he was split in two.
"It's not your fault..." Yakunan said gently and softly, holding his son in his arms as he continued to brush his hair. "You need to trust me... Please trust me..."
"I'm so sorry, dad..." Xenudah whimpered as he took in a deep breath, feeling the darkness consume him.
"It's okay... It's okay... Trust me, Xenudah... I'm here… You're scared, broken, but never alone… Just trust me..." Yakunan whispered gently, softly into Xenudah's ear.
"I don't know who to be anymore..."
"You're still you, son... You're still you..."
Xenudah buried his face into his father's neck, trying to fight the urge to give in to the darkness.
"I can help you, son... I promise I can help you... You're not alone... You're still you, Xenudah... It will be okay... You just have to trust me…" Yakunan sighed, giving his son a soft smile in reassurance. "We'll get through this together, my son...I promise…"