Garmadon's hands trembled as his heart began to race. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he tightened his hold on his child.
"Dad, are you okay?" Lloyd whispered, leaning his head against his father's shoulder. "You're never like this."
"I'm scared... I just don't want to lose you... I love you so much..." Garmadon whispered back. "Can't we stay here?"
"Dad, we don't have to stay here anymore," Lloyd said. "The Oni won't find us if we leave. We have the whole city–"
"No, Lloyd!" Garmadon snapped. "They will find us! That's what they do! That's all they do! They hunt! They conquer! They ruin everything!"
"Dad, we-"
"Shhhh..." The destruction elemental's voice cracked with emotion. "Don't object... I don't want to be alone... I don't want to have to say goodbye to you... I don't want you to go… Can't we just...stay here?"
"Dad. This isn't real. It's an illusion. The city won't be destroyed..." Lloyd assured. "You know that."
"Oh, son," his father replied, his voice thick with sadness. "I wish you were right... I wish I could be certain...but I can't. I'm just so scared...so angry..."
"Angry...why?" Lloyd asked. "Dad, I don't understand..."
"Can't you see it?" his father asked, looking up at his son with pleading eyes. "Can't you feel it? Can't you see me fighting...see me trying to stop these things from happening to you..."
"Dad, what are you talking about?"
"We aren't safe, son!" he cried. "They don't care about us! They don't care about any of us! They just want to conquer! I can't lose you, Lloyd Ryuda... I can't watch you leave my side again... I've already waited too long this time..."
"Dad, what are you talking about? I'm right here… I can't leave..."
"They'll take you away from me again, Lloyd," his father cried. "They'll take you away from me again just like they almost did...moments after you were born... I've got to do something to keep you safe."
"Dad, why are you being so overprotective...? I'm not a child! I can take care of myself!"
"You're growing up so fast... I wasn't here for you then... I failed you... I can't let that happen again..." his father cried. "Not again..."
"Dad, please...you're scaring me..." Lloyd said, shifting uncomfortably.
"I don't want to live in a world without you. If I'm alone again...I don't think I could bear it. I don't want to go outside and see this city destroyed...but I also don't want to lose you either."
"Dad, you're being ridiculous. I'm not dying! You'll be with me... I'll never leave..." his son said. "You're being paranoid!"
"Lloyd, I love you with all my heart," Garmadon said. "I can't let you die before I have a chance to make things right between us... I love you, son... I'll always love you... Please don't go... Don't leave... I love you... I'll never leave..." His body started to tremble from the intensity of his emotions. "I-I don't know what to do! What am I going to do without you? I'll never forgive myself if I let anything happen to you..."
"Dad, please calm down...it's not a big deal–"
"It is!" His father's voice broke. "Don't tell me it's not! If I lose you again, it'll be the end of me... I'll never forgive myself..."
"Dad... I know it hurts… Please calm down... Just breathe..."
Garmadon's head shot up, eyes wide with panic. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, desperately trying to keep his spirits up, but it was just so difficult. "I'm sorry Lloyd. I know I should be strong for you, but it's just so hard… You're irreplaceable... I don't want to lose you... I don't want to have to say goodbye…" Garmadon let out a shuddering breath as he embraced Lloyd closer, not daring to let him go. "The Oni...they're the reason I'm so paranoid… That's their fault... When I lost you once before... I promised myself I'd never lose you again... Not like that... I couldn't bear it...I still can't bear it...and now–" Garmadon let a piercing shriek escape as his emotions reached their limit.
Nya watched from a distance as Garmadon broke down before her eyes. She felt her heart break as she heard him cry out in pain. She could only stand there and watch her friend suffer without being able to offer any comfort. How could she possibly comfort the destruction elemental when it sounded as though Garmadon had gone completely insane? How could he be so strongly affected by fear when he was supposed to the one person in Ninjago that was never afraid? How could something so simple as his son leaving his side for just a little while cause him to act so out of character? It didn't make sense, especially after the Garmadon she had seen in the morning had been so calm. Garmadon's sanity fluctuated randomly. The unpredictable nature of his mood swings was unnerving.
Cole attempted to calm the distraught father, but Garmadon simply yelled at him to back off, adding that he wasn't leaving Lloyd's side and if anyone tried to tear them apart, he'd murder them. Or so he said. Nya feared that he was serious, and she wasn't sure if he was being literal or figurative with his threats.
The others were terrified. Garmadon's pure hatred for the Oni was practically written all over his face. It was something Nya found difficult to look at as she stood there wondering just what she could do to fix the situation. She knew that it wasn't her place to interfere, though. She dearly wanted to comfort him, but she didn't know if that was the right thing for her to do.
Garmadon had a strange way of dealing with problems. He wasn't one to talk things out. And with the Oni on the prowl, his emotions had grown so strong to the point that his reactions were always extreme, and to Nya it seemed as though he didn't know or care what his actions would cause. He could easily do something wrong and then be upset for being the cause of it. This kind of behavior made him especially difficult to be around and try to help.
As a result of his intense hatred for the Oni, Garmadon was completely unreasonable. Nothing the others said could change his mind. His irrational hatred had caused him to overreact to the conversation. Perhaps it was a ploy to get the Oni to show up sooner?
After enough time had passed for Garmadon to compose himself, he opened his eyes and slowly breathed in a stream of air.
"Lloyd...?" Garmadon turned to see that his son was still there, observing him with a concerned expression. "Lloyd, don't do this to me... I'm not going to lose you again..."
"Dad...You're fine... Don't think that... I'm not going anywhere. I promise." Lloyd hugged him. "I'm sorry..."
"Sorry..." Garmadon stared at his hands as though he didn't know what to do with them. "Lloyd, I am so sorry for everything I've ever done to you... I just want to make things right between us... I can't stand the thought of walking away thinking that we haven't been able to fix things... But now I'll never leave you... I'll be here the rest of your life and beyond... And I'll never stop telling you that I love you… I'm sorry for overreacting, but I can't help it... I don't want to lose you again..."
Nya gazed at the two men, her eyes filling up with tears of sadness, knowing that Garmadon was overwhelmed by his feelings of self-hatred. But what the heck was she supposed to do? She had no experience of these kinds of emotions. She had lost her mother and father when she was just a child, but she couldn't even begin to imagine the pain and anguish Garmadon was feeling.
Nya searched for the right words but found that they were hard to come by. There wasn't any textbook that she could turn to that contained information on how to deal with situations like this one. She had always known that she wouldn't be able to understand Garmadon's true feelings, but she still wished that she would be able to relate to him and understand similar feelings. She looked over at the other ninja who all seemed to share her feelings of sadness and being at a loss to help Garmadon.
"You're not alone…" Yakunan's voice spoke up as he joined the group, Xenudah following close behind. He looked pointedly at Garmadon. "You are not alone. We all feel the same way."
"It's not the same…" Garmadon looked deeply into his son's emerald eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks. "I know better than anyone how precious life is... I feel so awful because of how badly I've screwed up... Lloyd, I wanted to be in your life. I wanted to be the best father in the world, but the evil inside of me got in the way... I've given you so much pain that I don't know if I'd even be welcome back into your life."
"You were good to me, dad," Lloyd said with a shrug as he placed a hand on his father's shoulder. "We always had good times together. I'm not going to forget that."
"Even though I did terrible things to you... Even then when I could have given you so much more..." Garmadon's voice faltered as he choked on a sob. "Even then you were willing to accept me. How can I ever repay you for giving me another chance?"
"That's what I wanted to say..." Nya said quietly as she pushed herself towards the two men. "I couldn't find the right words to help, so I'm going to say this now… No matter what happens in the future… No matter what happens between you two… Lloyd is your son and you are his father. You are connected to him and it doesn't matter if you can find the right things to say… Even if you did something horribly wrong... You've already done all that you can do. It's not true that you can't make mistakes... You do make mistakes. That's what makes you human. The important thing is that you do your best to work things out. That's why everyone gave you another chance..." Nya's head hung low as her own tears fell from her own face.
Garmadon nodded with a sorrowful look on his face. He didn't say anything. His eyes closed and as he inhaled a breath of air, it became clear that he was crying.
"Dad…" Lloyd looked at his father with concern and ran his hand through his hair. "What's going on?"
"I don't know what to do…" Garmadon choked out as he continued to hold onto Lloyd. "I'm so lost... My entire life is one big mess… I don't know how to fix it…"
"You just need to accept things for how they are…" Yakunan said. "Everything happens for a reason, especially what happened to you. You must learn from your mistakes... You've encountered many challenges that have left permanent marks on your life. Those scars will remain even if they are not visible on the outside. But you need not let them ruin your life... You can choose to live your life for the best... Find inner peace and you will find the strength to move on."
"But how do I? What's done is done. I've hurt so many people, including my own child." Garmadon spoke quietly.
"The fact that you acknowledge that you were a bad parent shows that you are willing to change. That's more than most people can say. Please, don't say such things like you have failed in your life. Because even if this all ended today, you and Lloyd would have spent some good days together. You've spent many good years together. And a person can't always be the best at something. You can only do your best. And your best was good enough..."
"But what if I mess up again and Lloyd dies because of it?! Or if I'm so awful of a father, what if I never see him again? Like, you know, it's not true that he'd still ever love me, right?!" Garmadon cried as he shook with sobs.
"Dad, I do love you..."
"I don't want you hurting again…" Garmadon said as he brought his emotional state back to normal. "I don't want you to be hurt by me again. After all this… I don't know how I'd be able to face you again. But I don't want you hurt. I don't want to lose you..."
The young ninja looked deeply into his father's eyes. When he saw the deep regret that was within them, he said, "I forgive you. And I know you'll really change. I know you want to change, dad. I know you'll try your hardest. And I'll be here for you when you need me. And even if you mess up, I will still forgive you and I'll still love you. For better or worse, remember?"
Garmadon rested his head against Lloyd's. The two remained like that in silence for some time.
"You've always been so forgiving, son... " Garmadon said in a low voice. "Always so forgiving... I feel so sorry for the way I treated you." Gently, he reached up to brush through his child's soft golden-blonde hair. "So, I want you to know that I do love you. I love you so much, Lloyd..."
"I know, dad... I know..." Lloyd carefully wrapped his arms around his dad's body.
"You've never left me alone... You've always stayed by my side… I wish I could be better to you... I really do…" Garmadon sniffed. "When I'm with you, I feel like any problems are so small. Like, if we can get through whatever comes our way, we can handle anything else. And I don't want to go back to the way things were before… I don't want to lose you… Not again..."
"Dad, you're not going to lose me. You're not going to lose me, ever. I'm not going anywhere. " Lloyd comforted his father.
"I'm paranoid... I don't know if I can ever completely escape the darkness inside me. I'm still part Oni, even after being purified. I can't change everything I've done. But I can change what I do from now on. I'm terrified of feeling so much anger again and hurting anyone else—even you... Especially you. I know I'm not perfect, but I'm going to try to change for you... Because I love you... I don't want to live my life without you. I don't want you to feel abandoned and left by your father. You've always been the best thing to have happened to me. And I want nothing more than to keep you safe." Garmadon's voice faltered again as he started to cry. He turned to the others. "I think I just need a moment alone to process all this... I don't think I can face everybody right now..." He bowed, then turned and walked away.
"Dad..." Lloyd's voice was hollow and empty as he watched his father leave his side.
"Hey..." Nya pulled him close and sat him down beside her. "Don't let him push you away, you know?"
"I know... I just wish he could see what I see about him... That he can be more than what he thinks he is..." Lloyd said.
"That's why we have to show him we have his back. He needs to see that he doesn't have to do this alone. We all love him." Nya smiled.
"I know...but he was doing so well. Then this whole thing happened and he just...broke down. I don't know what to do to help him... I don't know where to begin... It's like he's trapped inside this wall of fear and he won't let any of us through..." Lloyd sighed.
"We'll get through to him. It'll be hard, but we'll get through to him. And with that, the more we try, the further he'll break down that wall." Nya assured him. "And even if we can't see the progress with our own eyes, we'll know he's getting better."
"I know... I know..." Lloyd sighed. He looked down at his feet and shifted uncomfortably.
"Don't worry, Lloyd. We're here for you, too." Cole said from where he sat, not too far away. "Want to talk about anything? Or need some time alone?"
"No... I'm fine... I'll be fine." Lloyd said. He looked back at the others. "I'm just...shocked. I mean, I feel like this was inevitable. But I'm just...shocked." He muttered. He placed his face in his hands and ground his knuckles into his eyes.
"Me too, Lloyd. Me too." Nya said. "He's changed. He really has." She stood up and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"I know…" Lloyd looked up. "But still. He's my dad. And being a dad is supposed to be the most natural thing in the world… You just love your kid. You protect them, teach them, take care of them... And he, of all people, is supposed to love and take care of me…"
"Hey..." Kai leaned over to rest his hand on Lloyd's back. "Look, you have to forgive him, Lloyd. You love him, right? That means you have to forgive him, no matter what he's done. No matter what he'll do. That's the only way he'll start to heal. That's the only way any of us will heal."
"I've told him that, multiple times already. I told him to forgive himself and to start to move on. I told him I would take the burden of guilt from him and he would be free to be happy and love without it. But he won't. He won't." Lloyd sighed. "It pisses me off how much I can't reach him... How little I can do. How he doesn't listen even when I say I will take the guilt from him and make it easier."
"But Lloyd..." Cole began as he stood. "He doesn't want to feel guilt. Besides, he feels you should forgive him." Cole sat down again.
"He doesn't want to feel the guilt himself. I've tried to show him something, a little sign he could trust to help him. I've been encouraging him, doing my part, trying to show him it's okay to be sad without feeling guilty if he can recover from it. And nothing's working." Lloyd said with frustration. "This whole self-healing thing sucks." He muttered.
"It's true. He's shutting everybody out. I think to keep all of us from being saddled with his guilt. I know he's already been through a lot of pain. Along with the guilt, dealing with the pain of emotion is something he doesn't want to deal with." Nya said. "Well, at least for now."
"That's true..." Cole said. "He's shut me out, too." Cole muttered, getting just a little angry. "He won't even listen to me. He just brushes me off."
"He won't listen to any of this, and that's not fair to him. He is going to have to learn that it's possible to deal with this pain without shutting himself away from the world." Lloyd sighed. He looked back at the building they had come from. "I love him... I have to find a way to make him see that..."
"You'll find a way. I know it's hard." Nya said. "But you'll find a way. He'll see it, you'll see what you've been trying to show him. He'll come around. He's strong. He'll be okay."
"I hope so." Lloyd sighed. He straightened himself up. "Anyways...it's getting late and I'm tired. I'm gonna go rest. I'll see you guys in the morning." Lloyd stood up and went to the chambers underground. Soon he found himself in his temporary bedroom, his father sitting on the single chair, the room dark.
"Dad..." Lloyd said. "I talked to Cole and Nya. They're concerned."
"But I'm fine." His father said. "I don't need to talk about it."
"I'm sure you feel fine. I'm not saying you aren't. But you may be dealing with more problems than you think," Lloyd said.
"I don't have any problems. And there's nothing you can do to make the situation better. You'll just hurt us both." His father sighed.
"That's not true. You're not fine. And I'm not going to just hurt you without trying. If I can help you, the way you want me to, I will." Lloyd sighed. "You won't let me try, though."
"How am I supposed to let you try?" his father asked. "If you try, you'll just hurt me even more. What help could you be?"
"You won't let me try."
"I'm fine. You're over-dramatic, as usual."
"Dad, I am here to help." Lloyd said. "I am not imagining this. You've changed. It's obvious to at least two out of the four of us that you're suffering from post-battle emotional shock. I talked to Cole and Nya and they're worried. They want to help, Dad. They want to help you. Please let them. Talk to us, please."
"There is nothing to say. I'm fine." His father said.
"And Cole says you don't look fine." Lloyd said. "He worries about you, he wants to help, but you won't let him."
"I am fine." His father repeated. He stood up, his eyes drifted towards the door. "You need to get to bed, young man. Try and dream nice dreams. I'm fine." He sighed, pulling the door open as he said this and vanished into the hallway beyond.