Garmadon gazed at the sunset, his hands on his knees, when Lloyd came to sit by him, the dijiang crawling into their laps.
"Dad? Is everything alright?" Lloyd leaned closer to his father, his head against his shoulder, and Garmadon reached out and ruffled his hair.
"It's been a while since we've been together like this," Garmadon murmured. "I miss having you around."
Lloyd smiled up at his father, "Yeah, me too. I don't think that'll ever change now though."
Garmadon chuckled, leaning over to kiss his son's forehead. "Of course not. We're together now. The only thing that matters is that we stay that way. I love you, my son… I love you so very much…"
The dijiang let out a soft whimpering noise, rubbing against Lloyd's arm. Garmadon looked down, smiling fondly at the mystical creature.
"You know, it reminds me of you, Lloyd," the destruction elemental sighed. "That is all that mattered to me during those days, what you were doing." He kissed the top of Lloyd's head again. "You were always my bright light in the darkness of life, Lloyd. My hope for our future, even if it seemed like there was none to begin with."
"Dad, what happened between us?" Lloyd tilted his head up. "Why did you leave?"
"We're done talking about this," Garmadon said firmly, pulling Lloyd in close. "This has nothing to do with you, it was my fault...and now look how far I've fallen. It's all because I pushed you away." His hand brushed across Lloyd's cheek, cupping it tenderly. "My love for you is stronger than anything else in this world. Nothing will stand in the way of that. I can't lose you again, Lloyd Ryuda..."
Garmadon felt his eyes prickle with tears at his admission. How much he'd missed being able to say those words...to have someone hear them and understand…how much better he could be without the burden of his mistakes weighing upon him. How much more content he truly felt as he held his son in his arms.
"Dad..."
"I can't keep doing this to you, Lloyd... Not anymore. I've lived in the shadows for far too long. I have to face these things head on. I can't keep hiding from them. I'm going to make amends with my family, with everyone. Even my past self." Garmadon smiled through his tears, brushing Lloyd's hair gently. "I promise you, Lloyd. You deserve better than I've given you. I need to start putting the pieces back together in my life, and I want you by my side." He nuzzled his nose into Lloyd's hair, sighing happily. "I really do love you, Lloyd… And I've never stopped."
"I love you too," Lloyd whispered, closing his eyes. "Please don't leave me…"
"I promise you, son...I never will."
Xenudah found himself unable to sleep. He was gazing out at his resting father, before frantically looking around, his heart rate accelerating, trying to figure out where he was, or why he felt uneasy and tense.
He didn't know what to do. He wanted to live in a world where he didn't have to worry about losing his family forever. He was just so scared.
"Xenu, what's the matter?" Yakunan woke up to the sound of his son murmuring softly.
"Dad, I'm scared… What if we don't make it?" Xenudah's voice becomes frantic and shaky, holding intense anxiety that had been building up for moments and moments on end.
"My Xenudah…" Yakunan softly replied, wrapping his arms tightly around his son, not wanting to let him go. "What could possibly be wrong with us?"
"Dad! There's a war going on! People are probably getting killed! Our families, they…we can't…I won't…!" Xenudah stammered, clutching onto his dad tightly.
Yakunan pressed his lips to the side of his son's head. "Shh, shhh… Just relax for now… We'll find a solution, I'm sure of it."
Xenudah took several deep breaths as the tension slowly left his body. He still wasn't completely relaxed, but he felt significantly less stressed now. "Sorry…Sorry..."
Yakunan pulled his son into another hug, pressing kisses along the top of his head. "There's nothing to apologize for… I love you so much, son… I'm here for you no matter what happens."
Xenudah rested his head against his father's chest, letting another shaky sigh escape. "Thank you, Dad."
"Of course. We'll make it through… We'll find our way through this together." Yakunan continued to whisper softly in ancient Ninjagian, tender words of comfort and love amongst the reassurances. "You matter so much to me, Xenu...you know that, right? Nothing could ever change that."
Xenudah nodded, relaxing further against his father, as Yakunan's fingers combed through his hair, making him melt slightly.
He couldn't help thinking that the last few weeks had been incredibly stressful. The last couple of months had been full of nightmares. Nightmares of both of them dying, and the guilt gnawing at his heart every time he thought of it; each nightmare would haunt him until it was replaced by a new nightmare.
Every morning, it was the same; every night he tossed and turned as he relived that nightmare, and every day after, it haunted him.
"I can't bear it...not at all…" Xenudah admitted quietly. "How can we get through any of this, dad? Everything seems so hopeless…"
Yakunan squeezed his son tighter as he spoke. "It doesn't seem hopeless at all. We'll find a way. It might take some time to piece the puzzle back together, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try. Asking yourself is one of the first steps in getting started. And, I'm certain we'll figure something out."
"You've seen me lose myself before!" Xenudah snapped, backing away from his father as his voice suddenly became agitated. "When did it stop being such a big deal? Why can't we fix this now, when we have a chance!? When we have a chance to do better?! I thought...I thought we were going to be happy! I trusted you! I knew you'd give it your all! Why does this seem impossible to me now? Why does it seem as if all the progress we've made...is nothing?!" He began crying again, burying his face in his father's chest. "Why is everything falling apart so quickly? All I want is for everything to finally be okay!"
"Xenudah…" Yakunan gasped.
Xenudah shook his head, wiping the tears from his face roughly. "I just can't accept this anymore. I've lost you once already…" he sobbed into his father's chest. "And I hate this feeling. Like I'm suffocating. I'm trapped inside myself. I wish… I wished..." He paused, choking back a sob before looking up at his dad. "I wish… we could move forward. Together. But it feels like we're standing on the verge of an abyss, staring into that unknown...and I'm scared. I'm so scared…"
The son of the former Overlord closed his eyes, clenching his teeth together as he tried desperately to keep himself together. "And this isn't supposed to happen to us. That we should suffer this...this pain. I've been through worse than this before. This shouldn't affect me so much…but it does and I hate it!" He trembled, gripping his dad tighter, burying his face into the fabric over his dad's heart. "...I wish it would be like it was before...when we had the time to spend just talking and goofing off... When we didn't have to worry about everything, when we were just a normal family. A home. One of peace. Instead…" he sniffed, his voice breaking as his voice cracked with emotion. "...Instead, it feels as if we're trapped in some sort of horrible dream, where we can't wake up…" he swallowed thickly, struggling to regain control. "It hurts...hurts so bad. I feel so broken and empty…"
Yakunan tightened his grip around his son, brushing his hair gently.
"I don't want to be afraid anymore. I hate it, dad…" he whimpered.
Yakunan's heart ached as he saw how distraught his son looked. "...Me too... Me too…" he sighed, tightening his hold on his son. "This whole ordeal has been hard. I wish… I wish none of this happened… If anything, it just makes me feel guilty that I caused this to happen…" He felt his own eyes burn with unshed tears. "I'm sorry...I failed you…I'm sorry…"
"Dad, I can't do this anymore! I can't live like this!" Xenudah cried loudly, desperately curling his knees up to his chest. "Everything feels so terrible. And even though we've fought hard and gotten closer...even though we've overcome so many hurdles... I just don't understand why it keeps happening… I want this to all be over." His voice grew quiet as he muttered incoherently to himself, continuing to cry in frustration as more and more memories flooded his mind, causing his entire body to tremble.
"Xenudah...look at me…" Yakunan commanded softly. "Look at me, my child. Look at what you're doing to yourself. You're only hurting yourself. Please stop."
Xenudah continued to stare ahead.
"Look at me, please..." Yakunan begged, his voice filled with desperation and fear. He shook his head. "Just...come here…"
Xenudah let out a soft whimper and barreled into his father's chest, his voice breaking as he sobbed "I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! WHY AM I ALWAYS LOSING YOU?! WHAT HAPPENS TO ME EVERY TIME SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS?! WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I FALL DOWN?!" His voice rose higher and higher until he burst into tears, unable to stop the tears flowing down his cheeks.
"I wish things didn't have to be like this, Xenu...I don't want to see my son cry. My precious baby boy…" Yakunan said, hugging his son tighter. "Please, come sit here and let me hold you, my little one...please…"
"Dad, I…I don't want to be alone..." Xenudah muttered, his voice cracking with barely restrained emotions.
"Neither do I… You complete me in so many ways… I love you very much…" Yakunan's voice was soft, tender, and comforting, as he held his son in his arms. "So, so much. Please, let's get some rest. You need it. You deserve it. I know I do, too. Let's lay down and sleep. Just like we used to do, remember?"
Xenudah hugged his father tightly, hiding his face against his shoulder, shaking with silent sobs. "I'm so tired… I'm so sad... So tired. It hurts… I'm so tired…"
"Then rest… I'm not going to leave your side… I promise I'll protect you… I promise I'll never leave you…"
"I can't…" Xenudah sniffled, shaking his head, tears running freely down his face as he clung to his father desperately. "You know I can't stand being separated from you… I've gone for years without hearing your voice or seeing your face. Without feeling your arms around me, holding onto me…I can't…I won't…"
"Xenudah… I'm here now...you don't have to go through this alone…" Yakunan whispered softly. "I won't let you."
Xenudah buried his face in his father's shoulder, breathing deeply. "Can you please…just hold me?"
Yakunan nodded. "Always, Xenudah. Always…"
For a moment, all was calm, but then Xenudah began to hyperventilate again.
"I can't do this! I can't do this to myself anymore!" Xenudah yelled furiously as he threw his hands down, turning sharply away from his father. "I need help. I want help. I'm too weak… I'm terrified…" His trembling form curled in on itself as another wave of emotions washed over him, causing him to gasp and shudder with uncontrollable trembling as he tried to hold them back…but the floodgates burst open, and a long pent-up scream tore its way from Xenudah's throat as he curled into a ball, rocking in place and sobbing uncontrollably into his father's chest. "I can't… I can't…" He hiccupped softly, clinging helplessly to his father's shirt. "FATHER, IT HURTS!"
"Oh, Xenu…" Yakunan lovingly whispered. "My precious little child... I know you're frightened...But it'll pass. I promise, it will."
"How can you say that?! How can you promise something like that after everything we've been through?!"
"Xenu, please…"
"You don't understand! Even when I try to be strong, I'm always crying. I'm always exhausted because I'm so worried and so scared. No matter how much I fight it, no matter how much I try to keep things under control, every day I find myself wanting to curl up in a corner and scream…to scream at everything...because I'm so, so scared. I'm so terrified…and it hurts so badly…every single time… I'M DONE WITH THIS! I'M GETTING MY FAMILY BACK AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!" Xenudah broke away from his father's hold, sprinting out the door.
"Oh, Xenu...no..." Yakunan whispered sorrowfully.
He stood there, frozen in shock as he heard his son's footsteps disappear into the distance. Tears streaming from his eyes as they trailed down his cheeks, he stared numbly at the spot his son had once occupied moments earlier. He couldn't move, couldn't process what had happened. His brain couldn't register what was actually happening. He couldn't comprehend what had actually transpired. As he stood, staring blankly in the direction that his son had disappeared in, his breath hitched and he began to cry in earnest once more. Unable to hold back the tears any longer, the man fell forward, letting out a low sob and covering his face in his hands as he collapsed to his knees, wrapping his arms around himself and sobbing uncontrollably.
I should have let him go find them...I should have listened to him… Maybe then he wouldn't have snapped at me like that… Maybe if I had let him go to look for his family and brought him home, maybe then he wouldn't be suffering like this right now.
"What is wrong with me!?" Yakunan growled angrily as he slammed his fists against his legs.
The door swung open to reveal Misako, who had overheard the entire conversation.
"You're not the only one who's failed their child...I'm just as much a failure as you are..." She quietly replied. "I abandoned Lloyd for years and pushed him to fight you and Garmadon when he wasn't ready...when he wasn't strong enough...and now look at him: he's hurt. He's struggling. He's afraid and angry. He's scared…and I can't blame him…
"It's not the same..." Yakunan shuddered, unclenching his fists. "I should have let him find his family instead of being so overprotective...I should have listened to him more closely… I should have done more than just wait by the sidelines as he suffered… I shouldn't have made him feel worthless. I should have listened. Now look at what's become of him… Oh, Xenu… He's lost hope…and he's hurting. Me pushing him to stay finally broke him and now I've broken him even more. Now what am I gonna do?!" Yakunan cried. "All I wanted was to see my child happy. All I wanted was to see him laugh and smile. But now look at him. He's so distraught." He sighed sadly, gazing straight ahead. "I hate seeing him this way. He's so afraid. I don't wanna see him this way...I want to fix this...but I have no idea how to even begin to… I-I just…I can't even imagine what he must be going through right now. And I know I've made it worse…"
"Yakunan, the least you can do is try. Try to help him somehow... Don't give up on him… He may not understand that yet, but I think eventually, he will."
"I'm so useless, Misako… What can I possibly do? How can I fix anything if I haven't fixed this already?!" Yakunan growled in frustration.
"Just keep hoping and praying that your boy knows that you love him dearly and that you care…that you really mean every word you say," Misako responded. "It will take time, but one day he'll understand."
"He hasn't before! What makes you think that this time will be any different?! I-I just..." His voice falls to a fragile tone. "I can't do this… I can't watch him suffer again…" He sniffed, turning away from her to hide the hot tears welling up in his eyes. "...I just-"
"Yakunan…" Misako spoke up softly. Her eyes softened slightly as she walked towards him. "You need to be there for him…" She stated firmly. "I can't fix this… I don't know him as well as you do, nor do I know where he's been or how long he's been gone…" A sigh escaped her lips. "He's your son. I know he'll come back." She insisted gently. "We all get scared and frustrated sometimes. Sometimes we feel powerless, unable to do anything to change the situation...but that doesn't make us bad people. We are trying our hardest to be good people and be able to be there for our children, no matter what."
"I'm so tired…" Yakunan whispered, wiping at his eyes. "I don't wanna do this anymore… I wish I could take all his pain away…" He muttered, leaning forward. "I just want my baby back…"
"I can't begin to imagine how much pain you must be feeling at this moment… I'm sorry for what happened between you both…"
"It's not your fault… It's mine, and only mine alone… I left my son behind so long ago and now I'm paying the price…" Yakunan whispered bitterly. "How can I fix this? How will I be able to repair the damages caused to our relationship if he won't let me in?!"
"Yakunan, it took you many, many years to get your son back…and you still had to endure countless heartbreaks and pains before you were reunited with him." Misako pointed out. "Your son has a very strong heart… I'd say he must have been through so much since you left him that day. It takes time to heal, to move on and forgive someone. It takes lots of effort on both sides, and while it may be an easier task for you, it isn't as easy for him…"
"But I can't just–"
"Let him get through this without anyone pressuring him or telling him how difficult this is for him...I know you want to fix everything for him, but…you need to respect his wishes. Let him deal with all of this himself. That's what he's doing right now; he wants to handle things himself. Trust him. Don't push him and don't tell him that he needs to talk about his feelings...Let him work through this by himself. Just give him space and allow him to process everything… He'll come back when he's ready, when he's able to talk about it. When he can figure out his own emotional state. He'll come back when he's able to trust you enough to share his burdens. That's when he'll be ready to face your emotions. He'll be ready to listen to and accept whatever problems you bring up. He will come back when he's ready to be comforted…"
"When he's ready…." Yakunan repeated in a quiet voice, looking down at his feet, sadness seeping into his features.
"That's the important part. When he comes back to you, and you know for sure that he's truly ready to discuss all of this, that you two can work it out together and make it through this, then you can start to work on fixing things with him. Just let him have some space right now."
Yakunan let out a fragile sigh, his voice breaking as he spoke his next words. "I just…I can't keep living like this… Xenudah… He's the reason I want to live another day… I love him beyond life itself…"
"And I feel your desperation. But you have to understand that Xenudah isn't ready to talk just yet."
"Just yet…? How much longer until he's comfortable with me being here? Until he's comfortable sharing his burden with me?"
"I know that this can take time and I believe that you two are going to do just fine. I also know that you both want to try to fix things between you so please, trust him. He'll open up to you soon enough when he's ready. He'll eventually tell you how he feels. You two can go from there."
Yakunan took in a deep breath, nodding his head. The air felt heavy around him as his body trembled slightly. "You're right….He's going to open up to me eventually. If not today, then one day…and if not tonight…"
"If you really love him, then you won't force him. It would hurt him too much to say no. And it wouldn't end well either. So just wait for his words and then decide whether he's ready for you to hear them."
"I guess…" Yakunan exhaled heavily.
"You need to keep faith in that kid." Misako urged softly. "Trust him and believe he'll be okay. If anyone can pull him out of this, it'll be you. Just give him time and give yourself time as well. And don't worry... You'll get through this. Your son may be angry, hurt, upset, confused, sad, worried, and even betrayed, but he'll be alright. He will be able to pull through this…because he loves you just as much as you love him."
"I do love him…" Yakunan uttered quietly, his eyes widening. He looked over at her, swallowing hard before placing a gentle hand onto her shoulder, giving her a reassuring squeeze. "Thank you… Thank you so much." He smiled gently. "I just…I just don't want to lose him again, Misako. I've lost him once before and it hurts so badly…" His voice started cracking slightly. "He's my light…my little sunshine… I can't keep watching him suffer like this…"
"I know you love him… That's why I'm saying to not rush the process of healing." She continued smiling warmly, pulling him into a gentle embrace. "This is just something that happens. There's no need to be overly emotional… Just take a deep breath, let out everything that's been bothering you, and then focus on finding answers. Do you understand?"
Yakunan nodded silently, letting out an exhausted sigh and closing his eyes, allowing her embrace to comfort him. This was what needed to be done. This was something Yakunan would need to do if he wanted to regain his child's trust. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply once more, holding Misako close to him. "Thank you…"
Xenudah found himself flying over the Endless Sea, a vast stretch of ocean stretching ahead of him as he sat atop the saddle, the wind blowing against his clothes, causing him a great amount of discomfort. He pulled at his collar, loosening it slightly as he stared across the sea, frowning. "Father, I'm sorry, but I had to do this… I hope you understand…"
He took another deep breath before momentarily closing his eyes, recalling a memory of when he and his father were on better terms.
"Dad, can you sing me to sleep?" A young Xenudah asked his father, his eyes wide with excitement.
"Of course, dear. Anything for my little sunshine." Yakunan chuckled softly, sitting on the bench as he pulled a shamisen from its case, his smile slowly fading as he began strumming along to a simple melody.
As the first verse came, the younger man let his eyes close and drifted off to sleep, not noticing that one of his father's fingers had come up, lightly trailing across his forehead in a comforting gesture.
Yakunan gently sang out each note until his son was completely asleep, pulling the shamisen away and placing it back in its case before carefully lifting his sleeping form from the bench, carrying him inside their cave quietly. He laid him down on his bed before stepping over the sleeping child and settling down next to him. Hikari watched the duo from afar, a soft smile creeping onto his lips.
Yakunan sighed softly, brushing down his son's flyaway hair strands. "Oh, Xenu… I wish…we could always be this happy." His eyes were glistening and his voice was wavering, the corners of his mouth tugging downwards.
Hikari took a seat beside his friend on the floor of the cave, reaching out and placing his hand on Yakunan's shoulder. "You two look so content… It would be a shame if something happened to separate you both…"
"It really would… I just...don't want to leave his side. He's my whole world… Without him, I'd never…" Yakunan choked on a sob, tightening his hold on his little boy. "I'd lose myself…" His voice broke into silence as tears continued to run down his face. "Hikari, I don't know what I'll do without him…"
We'll be together soon, father… Xenudah thought to himself. Then we'll make our stand and take back our home for good this time...I promise you, father... I promise you…I'll find my way…