Chapter 7. The Beginning of the End. Seventh Year.
The way back home had been difficult. Painful. Regina was lost and had no idea if this meant that Emma wanted to break up or not. The mere idea of not being with the blonde girl anymore was heart-breaking. She felt like she couldn't breathe anymore. She felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest, and someone was squeezing it. The pain was even more physical than moral. And it was unbearable. But Regina couldn't change her mind now. She needed to follow Severus. To be with him. To confront her parents. And so they did.
As soon as they saw their former house, the twins felt very unpleasant chills running down their spines. Regina was too numb about what happened with Emma to really fear what would happen now. But Severus was afraid. Afraid they wouldn't have changed. Afraid he wouldn't have parents. He wanted to believe in the possibility of having a real family.
When they knocked on the door, they didn't hear anything but silence at first. Then, someone loudly walked towards the door, and their father opened the door. He looked at them, dumbfounded, for a whole minute. And Severus finally broke the tension.
"Hello, father"
His voice was steady, calm.
"What are you doing here?" Tobias asked, still shocked.
The twins winced.
"We thought we could come back home, and see what you were becoming" Severus explained, still calm.
"After ten years?"
He's drunk, Regina thought dejectedly. She sniggered at their own stupidity. She should have gone with Emma. She knew it wouldn't do any good to come back. Severus warningly looked at her. He wanted to give their parents a chance, she felt it.
"Four, actually" Severus corrected. "And yes. We are 17 now. And we thought we could talk"
Cora finally appeared behind the man, and a smile appeared on her face.
"I thought you'd never come back" she exclaimed, a little too warmly.
"Next year is our last, and we wanted to see you" Severus repeated.
"Well come in, dears!"
The four of them awkwardly sat, and for a moment no one spoke.
"So… how's been school?" Cora asked.
"We had good results for our OWLs last year. Straight Os for both of us" Severus smiled.
Cora laughed, delighted.
"Oh, I know that, dear. The Professor Gold is a very good friend of mine. I was asking about your lives"
The twins looked at each other. So this was probably why the teacher had insisted on giving them private lessons.
"We are fine, thank you" Severus politely replied. "How are you?"
"Better now" Cora enthusiastically answered.
It seemed like Cora and Severus were the only ones able to speak.
"Severus, I heard that you're interested in becoming a Death-Eater?"
Regina stopped listening to them. Of course, her mother would encourage him to follow this path. Her mother was a monster. Never mind what Severus thought. She wouldn't change. She just wanted power. To be protected by someone as strong as Voldemort. To see her children rule the world or something like that. The more she thought about it, the more she felt trapped. She loved her brother and couldn't fight him on anything. But she hated to feel trapped. She wanted to be free. Free like when she was flying. Free like when she was with Emma…
"Regina?" her mother asked loudly.
The brunette looked at her mother, still silent.
"I asked you a question, dear" Cora gently said.
Regina raised an eyebrow, questioningly.
"Do you want to be a Death-Eater as well?" Cora asked, a little annoyed.
"Absolutely not" Regina coldly answered.
Cora didn't seem calm nor benevolent anymore.
"Sev, I'm sorry, but I can't stay here. You were wrong. As was I. They may be our genitors, but they'll never be our parents. I have to go"
Regina stood up, and Cora raised her wand.
"Petrif…"
The twins blocked the spell before Cora could finish her sentence. Their mother was thrown in the air, at the strength of the two counter-spells. Severus looked coldly at his mother. She had tried to immobilise his sister. She wanted to keep them against their will. And she dared think she was a match for them. Regina was still numb, and didn't really care about anything. She just wanted to see Emma. Severus looked at her and nodded. They exited the place in the same motion under the gaping gazes of their parents.
"Before we leave, I would like to greet the Evans…" Severus tentatively requested.
"Sure" Regina shrugged.
Truth be told, she didn't care about anything else than to see Emma again. Unfortunately, the Evans were so glad to see them that they insisted they would stay with them at least for a couple nights. Regina wanted to refuse, but Severus obviously wanted to accept. She was pretty sure her brother was eager to try and reconcile with Lily. But Lily had one of a temper. And she clearly wasn't disposed to forgive that easily. The fact that Severus was a known Death-Eater surely didn't help. Regina would never understand her brother's contradictions.
Two days passed in a blur. Lily mostly avoided them, preferring to spend time with her sister. And the Evans talked to them a lot. They tried to make Severus confess about his beliefs, but he never mentioned Voldemort. He was polite, warm and caring. But Regina could also see the pain in his eyes. At the end of the second day, Regina couldn't stand it anymore. She dragged Severus out of the house, where they would be able to speak freely.
"Sev, we need to go. Lily doesn't want us here. And she's not ready to forgive you, you know it. I need to see Emma. There's nothing for us here."
"I thought you said I would always come first" Severus angrily replied.
"And I meant it, Sev. But what about me? Don't you care about my needs too?" Regina asked, hurt.
Recognition flashed in Severus' eyes, and he seemed to reconsider everything, silently.
"I'm sorry" he murmured. "Where do you want to go?"
"Emma's in Saint-Tropez. Maybe we could work there for the summer?" Regina suggested, hopeful.
Severus smiled, knowingly and lovingly. And he confirmed. An hour later, their luggage were done, and they were thanking the family for their hospitality. Lily politely said goodbye, and Regina even saw regret and pain on the girl's face. But she remained silent. Regina took her brother's hand, and both of them apparated in the private beach, far from prying eyes. Emma and Regina had often used this spot to make out the previous year. Severus whistled.
"Is this where you worked last year?" he asked impressed.
"Yeah…" she said.
"Let's go, then"
Both of them approached August, and the man welcomed Regina as if she was family. He immediately told her that she was welcomed to work for the summer if she wanted to, and she introduced her twin, asking if there was a place for him as well.
"I'm afraid I don't have need for another waiter, unfortunately. But I would certainly need another pair of hands in the kitchens, if you're interested…" August happily proposed.
Regina didn't hear Severus' answer. Her eyes were fixed on Emma who was on the beach. Flirting with a brunette girl. Her blood immediately boiled. Her fists clenched. And her teeth gritted when the brunette laughed at Emma's sayings and held her hand. August and Severus followed her gaze. Severus awkwardly said:
"Regina…"
"I need to go"
She practically ran away, forgetting her brother, August, her luggage and everything. The image of Emma and that girl was printed on her retina, and she felt like destroying the entire world. Anger was rushing in her veins. She didn't care about anything anymore. She was tired. She was angry. She should have known that their story meant more to her than it meant to Emma. Fuck her, she thought. Fuck them all.
"REGINA!" Emma's voice screamed.
And she was stupid enough to run after her. Who the hell did she think she was? Regina spun around so fast, Emma almost collided her. She stopped mere inches away from her, breathless.
"Where are you going?" she asked, still trying to breathe.
Regina sent her a murderous look, not answering. Emma chuckled.
"Are you jealous?"
The brunette wanted to hit the pretty face. She wanted to hurt the blonde as much as she was hurt. She wanted to yell at her, to curse her. But her fury simply paralysed her.
"It's Mrs Dubois! She's like forty or something."
Dubois? She was her client last year. Indeed, the brunette was turned around when she had seen Emma. Understanding finally made it through her brains. Fuck. Emma was broadly smirking now. She had seen Regina's anger dissipate.
"You so were jealous of Mrs Dubois…"
"I was jealous about you flirting with someone else than me" Regina angrily answered.
They still hadn't moved, face to face, almost breathing the same air. And the tension was growing again. But it wasn't about wrath anymore.
"When you perfectly know I could never flirt with anyone else than you" Emma murmured.
Regina didn't know what to answer to that.
"What are you doing here?" the blonde girl asked, teasingly, appreciatively.
"I needed to see you" Regina admitted. "I'm sorry I snapped at you…"
Emma brought her face even closer to Regina's, up until their lips were brushing. She then whispered:
"It's alright. You'll just have to find a way to make it up to me…"
Regina groaned and moaned loudly when their lips finally met. She felt like going back home. Only three days, and it had felt like an eternity. Regina jumped on the blonde girl, wrapping her legs around her waist, and Emma swirled her around, laughing, happy and relieved. Regina nestled her head against Emma's neck and held her as tight as possible.
"Don't ever cheat on me…" she murmured.
"I wouldn't dream of it" Emma chuckled.
Regina raised her head and fixed her eyes.
"Seriously, Em. I would never forgive you for that."
"Baby, I love you. I could never cheat on you, never forget that" Emma answered, dead serious.
"Okay…" Regina brightly smiled.
"So… will you stay here for the summer with your brother?"
"Yes, if it's okay for you"
"It's more than okay, honey" Emma smirked. "Would you mind if we went to our bedroom right now? I really missed you…" Emma's voice trailed off, suggestively.
Regina groaned again, freed herself from Emma's grip, grabbed the girl's hand, and they both ran to the said place. Severus and August watched them run, surprised. Then, they turned to each other, smiling awkwardly.
"Well. I'm glad they made up. Now, are you up for a tour of our establishment?" August smiled to Severus.
"Absolutely" Severus politely replied.
They spent the afternoon together, speaking and laughing. And Severus surprised himself actually liking the Muggle. They didn't see the girls for the rest of the day… nor the night.
The summer was surprisingly joyful. Two days after their arrivals, the students received their letters from Hogwarts. Regina had been designated Head Girl of Slytherin. The all staff (although no one besides Severus and Emma knew about Hogwarts) had celebrated the news accordingly: lots of champagne, dancing, screaming and singing. Mind-blowing drunken sex for Regina and Emma. And an awful hangover the following day while working. The three students were friends with all the people they were working with. August was more a member of the group than their boss. He encouraged the three friends to take driving lessons. They did, and the three of them got their driving lessons three weeks later (after one or two Confusing Spell to accelerate the process). August had been shocked of the rapidity of the whole thing. But they had shrugged innocently, and that had led to more celebrations, alcohol and music.
Above it all, Severus and Emma were getting along just fine. They were often joking together, and sometimes they'd even dance (when drunk enough). Regina felt completely happy, and whole. She actually felt overwhelmed by her bliss: the days were not long enough to enjoy her friends, and the nights were too short to have enough of her girlfriend. One night, at the end of the summer, Emma held back from Regina before their lovemaking.
"Wait… I'd like to speak to you about something, while it's just the two of us…" she whispered.
"Sure, what is it, baby?" Regina asked concerned.
"I don't get your brother. I always thought he was that weird guy, and I really didn't understand how the two of you could share the same blood. But he's actually a good person. He's nice, friendly, and funny. How can he want to be a Death-Eater? He likes the Muggles!" Emma said in one breath, completely lost.
She was looking at Regina expectantly as if she could bring an answer which would solve a very difficult and important problem. The brunette sighed, and sat on the bed. Emma came next to her.
"My brother is very complicated. He looks weak, but he's one of the strongest person I've ever met. His attitude can seem cowardly, but he's the bravest man I know. Everyone knows how smart he is, and however he always behave like an idiot… the truth is… the walls behind which he hides his true colours are thick and aren't the ones he needs. But only him can see that and change it…" Regina tried to explain.
"I understand that he feels… vulnerable. And that he doesn't want to show it. I really do. He opens up to the persons he feels safe with, and I get that too. But I can't comprehend that Death-Eater fancy…"
"We've been raised in the hatred of Muggles. Even though our father was one. Anyway… Severus and I's point of views changed with Lily, mainly. And his wish to be a Death-Eater comes from her, too…"
"I really don't get it" complained the blonde girl, confused.
"I'm not sure I do either… from what he told me, and if I understood him correctly, he always knew that Lily wasn't in love with him. And he always knew that she would never share that kind of feelings towards him. He preferred to give her that excuse (of him hating Muggles) to justify the fact she wasn't interested in him, rather than facing the truth that he was not… I don't know… beautiful enough? Not her type at all?"
"That's completely twisted… maybe Lily would have fallen in love with him later!" Emma exclaimed.
"He's always been convinced that she wouldn't have… and for some reason, he even told me he thought she was interested in Potter…"
"Bullshit! She always hated James!" Emma said disbelievingly.
"I know…" Regina sighed.
"That's just sad anyway… maybe he will change his mind with time? If Lily speaks to him again?" Emma suggested.
"Maybe…" Regina hesitated, not convinced.
Emma's distressed face was so adorable in that moment, that Regina cradled her legs, and whispered:
"Enough with the talking?"
"Absolutely" Emma eagerly confirmed.
The last week of the holidays was already there, and the three students said their goodbyes to August and their friends – promising they'd come back sooner or later. Then they went to Diagon Alley for the last time. Severus and Regina got their Muggle money changed, and shared their savings in the same place. Once they were done with all their supplies, they visited London all together. At the end of the week, they were ready to begin their last year of studies. As soon as they entered the train though, Severus saw some friends of his, and went to them. And Regina had a meeting as the new Head Girl that she couldn't miss. Emma saved her a seat, and Regina finally arrived, an hour later.
"How was it?" Emma immediately asked.
"Pretty much like in the fifth year. You'll never guess who the Head Boy of Gryffindor is…"
"Remus?"
"I said you'd never guess…" Regina smirked.
"Well, come on, who is he?"
"Potter…"
"WHAT? How the fuck is that possible? I should have been the freaking one!" Emma deplored.
"I know… I have no idea why Dumbledore chose him!" Regina exclaimed.
"Maybe he was drunk…" Emma suggested.
"Or he got completely mad" Regina added.
"Or both"
"Totally"
The first week of lessons was uneventful. Severus and Regina refused to go on with Gold's private lessons. Slughorn welcomed them back as if it was the best day of his life. He said he couldn't wait to see what they were about to become after school. Regina gave Emma private lessons every night – or at least tried to, and succeeded half of the time. Emma had to get brilliant results for her N.E.W.T.s and Regina had promised to help her out as best as she could.
The school had started only two weeks ago, when things got very complicated, and everything turned upside down. Lily had accepted to go on a date with James Potter. The news spread throughout the entire castle. And Severus who had stuck with Emma and Regina most of the time, hanged out with his Death-Eaters-To-Be friends again. His face closed, and he ignored everyone and everything. Especially Emma, whose he didn't even greet anymore. And Emma resented him very much for that. Two weeks later, James and Lily were the newest couple of the school. And Regina even heard teachers speak about it.
At the end of a Transfiguration class, Severus and James got into a dual. Regina didn't really know how it had happened, but the fact was that the only witnesses were James' band, Emma and Regina. Emma tried to interfere after James threw a spell at Severus, which the latter succeeded in blocking.
"Stop it, James! It's ridiculous!" Emma screamed.
"She'll never be interested in you, Servilus!" angrily said James.
A spell thrown by Severus brushed James' head.
"Stop it, you two!" Emma tried again.
"Stay the fuck out of this, Swan. And get the fuck away. The mere sight of you makes me sick!" Severus spat at the blonde girl.
James immediately raised his wand again, but Emma interrupted his gesture, throwing a don't-you-dare look at him, took his hand and dragged him away from Severus. The latter turned around and left, but Regina followed her brother.
"What the fuck was that, Sev? How do you dare speak to her like that?" she angrily asked.
"Look Regina, she's your girlfriend, and I respected that. I tried to be nice to her. But no one has a right to interfere with my private business. Not even you." Severus replied, furious.
"Still, you shouldn't have talked to her like that! She just wanted to help" Regina kept on.
"AND I DON'T NEED ANYONE'S FUCKING HELP, OKAY?" Severus yelled at his sister.
He stormed off, leaving her alone and shocked.
"Okay…" she murmured for herself.
That night, Emma gave her the same sort of speech. That her brother had crossed a line. That he was losing it. That he was harmful. Dangerous. And Regina was just so sick of it all. She was angry at her brother for being so stupid. And above all, she was furious at Emma for not understanding him, or at least for not giving him the benefice of the doubt, and see the pain he was going through.
"I don't care the pain he's going through Regina! No one has a right to react the way he does!" Emma exclaimed.
"Everyone deals with their problems their own way! We can't judge him for that!" Regina replied, furious.
"Yeah, of course. Whatever your brother does is alright for you anyway, right?" Emma bit back.
"I never said that. And I don't approve his actions. But I can understand the suffering."
"Because you know all about suffering, right?" Emma mockingly said. "Well, news flash for you, Regina. You and your brother don't have the monopoly of pain, okay?"
Regina murderously stared at Emma. But the blonde girl kept on.
"You may have been through a lot, and life hasn't been easy on you. But life is hard for everyone. And you don't see psychopaths everywhere, do you?"
"Are you calling my brother a psychopath?" nearly yelled Regina.
"Maybe I am!" Emma exclaimed.
"He's not! He just wants to be happy and forget about her!"
"By becoming a Death-Eater!"
"So what? He'll realise sooner or later that it's not the right choice to make!" Regina said angrily.
"As a sister, it's not your role to approve everything and anything that he does! You should be the one to show him the right path!" Emma replied, furious.
"Oh, really? And what do you know about brothers?" Regina slowly and spitefully asked.
Emma's eyes showed a myriad of emotions in a couple of seconds: surprise, pain, disillusion, betrayal. It finally settled on fake indifference. Emma smiled dejectedly and shook her head. She looked at Regina one last time, and left without another word. And without another glance at her. She never turned around.
OCTOBER
NOVEMBER
DECEMBER
Regina awoke like every morning, numb. Dull. She felt as if she was a ghost. As if she was empty. She hadn't talked to her brother in three months. In fact, she hadn't talked to anyone in three months. She couldn't think of… her ex anymore. It was too painful. She had created a spell to prevent her from dreaming. She always had nightmares and she couldn't stand them anymore. She was drowned into her studies. She never went to lunches or dinners. She would eat very early in the morning the breakfast, and nothing else until the next day. She lost weight. Not enough for anyone to get really worried about her, but enough not to feel herself anymore.
No one really cared about her anyway. Not her brother, not her parents, not her teachers, not E… her ex. No one. And probably no one had ever cared. They just pretended to. At least, they pretended just fine. She almost believed it.
She fell in the creation of spells. Any spell. Dark or light magic, puissant or weak, complex or easy. It didn't make her feel better. But it prevented her from thinking about things. She didn't dare think about her future. It was too scary. As soon as the school would end, what would she become? Where would she go? What would she do? She had no idea about that. And it was terrifying.
As every morning, she went downstairs to take her breakfast. She was always the only one in the common room at 5 in the morning, but a plate always appeared just for her. A very full plate of everything. Eating alone didn't bother her. But this time when she entered the room, someone was already there.
"Hello, Regina" gently greeted Dumbledore.
Regina didn't answer, but nodded her head in acknowledgment. She sat at her usual place, and her breakfast appeared. Dumbledore let her eat in peace, without speaking. She acted as if she was alone. As soon as she was done, she stood up to leave, but Dumbledore broke the silence.
"Would you mind coming with me for just a moment, Regina?"
Regina turned around, surprised. She shrugged and silently approved. He smiled at her, happily and led the way. She followed him. They finally entered in what she supposed was the Headmaster's office.
"Please sit, my dear girl"
Regina did. And Dumbledore sat in front of her, behind his desk.
"I am not often in the castle, Regina. Therefore, I can't see everything that's happening. However, I noticed you skipped most of the meals. I also noticed you'd go to the common room very early in the mornings."
"How could you? I've always been alone" Regina weakly reacted.
"You have been lonely, Regina. But you've never been alone. I have my ways not to be seen when I deem it necessary" Dumbledore chuckled.
Regina's face remained impassive.
"I am not asking you what's going on, Regina. Your secrets are yours and yours only. If you need to speak about them, you can. But if you don't, you don't have to. But I need to tell you something very important." Dumbledore resumed, seriously.
"What is it, Professor?" Regina murmured, not daring to look at him.
"I've been watching you, Regina. During your classes. I've seen what you can do. I know what you are capable of. And I'm pretty sure your skills are even greater than that…"
Regina didn't answer. So Dumbledore kept on.
"I'm guessing you have your reasons not to want to be an Auror?"
Regina nodded.
"Yet, you don't have any idea what to do next year?"
Regina remained silent.
"I may have an idea for you…" Dumbledore slowly said.
Regina raised her head, hopeful. Traitorous tears spelt from her eyes.
"I know you get along just fine with the Muggles. And I also know how brilliant you are. Would you like to work for the First Muggle Minister?"
"What could I do for him?" Regina asked, surprised.
"Protect him. You would introduce yourself with a letter of recommendation I will give you. And you'd work on the cases he would give you, while protecting him"
"Protect him against what?"
"Against Voldemort and Death-Eaters" Dumbledore explained.
"I don't want to fight Voldemort or Death-Eaters" Regina vehemently replied.
"You'd have a different name, Regina. A new identity. No one could know who you are but the persons who have already seen you. And the protection is only a measure of prevention. Better safe than sorry, you know? Nothing tells us that Voldemort wants to attack the Muggles. But I want a competent person there, just in case"
"Don't you have more competent persons than me?" Regina asked, shocked.
"Honestly? No one I would really trust" Dumbledore shrugged.
"And you trust me?" Regina exclaimed, more and more surprised.
Dumbledore looked at her, and smiled fondly.
"I do"
"Why?"
"I have my reasons. Let's just say that I guessed a lot of things about your thoughts" Dumbledore smiled.
"And you're ready to wager my integrity on your guessing?"
"I am" Dumbledore chuckled.
"You're a little crazy…" Regina stated, a small smile forming on her lips.
"Maybe" Dumbledore recognised. "But I'm also rarely wrong" He added.
Regina snored, a little less sad.
"I'll give you all the time you need to think about it. You don't have to give me your answer right away. We can wait for the end of the year" he reassured her.
"Okay…" Regina answered, relieved.
"And you can also know that you wouldn't be working alone. I've got another trusted wizard protecting the Prime Minister…"
"Who's that?"
"His name is Sturgis Podmore"
"Okay" Regina repeated.
She stood up, ready to leave, understanding that the meeting was over. She was at the door when Dumbledore said one last thing:
"Oh, and Regina? You're not alone. They do care about you, too…"
She turned around to face him, uncertainty written all over her face. Was he a legilimens? Could the Headmaster read her thoughts? Dumbledore calmly looked back at her, but didn't add anything.
As usual, she went to her lessons, sitting at the very end of the classes, not saying a word, and not looking at anyone. She'd been doing just fine for the past three months, shutting down the rest of the world. She didn't even know who was attending the lessons, and no one ever came to her. It was easier this way. She was so focused on not paying any attention to anyone but the teachers that she couldn't even have said if Severus and E… were attending the classes. Not that she allowed herself to think about them, anyway.
At the end of the Potions class, Slughorn asked her to stay, though. This is my day, bitterly thought Regina. She had spoken more in one day than what she had in months.
"Regina, are you alright?" Slughorn asked her, concerned.
"I'm okay" Regina winced.
"You've never come to our night sessions" the teacher pointed out.
"I'm sorry, Professor" Regina wasn't ready to justify her behaviour. Not now, not ever.
"It's okay, dear. Albus told me about your meeting. What did you think about it?" he asked, very interested.
"I don't know yet, Professor. What do you advise me?" Regina replied, politely.
Slughorn chuckled, proud to be the one Regina would ask advises to.
"I think it would be a very good opportunity for you. This way, it would introduce you to the politics. And it could give you other ideas for later, if you ever feel the need to do something else…"
"I see. Thank you, Professor" Regina nodded.
She tried to leave.
"Wait, Regina! Are you sure everything's okay?"
Do I look like I'm okay, you idiot? Regina wanted to scream. Instead she calmly answered:
"Everything's perfect, thank you"
She didn't wait for him to add anything, and left before giving him the chance to open his big mouth. It was lunch time, and she didn't lose the opportunity to run to the safety of her dormitory, where Evan was waiting for her. He had been her only source of comfort. She would pet him, and spend time with him, and she felt like they understood each other. They probably did.
The holidays felt like a blessing and a curse for Regina. A blessing because almost everyone left and the castle was empty, now. She could lay near the lake, with Evan. She could walk without crossing anyone. A curse because the two most important persons of her life were still there too, and she was terrified at the idea she could see them. She didn't.
She saw Dumbledore again, three days after the beginning of the holidays, while she was sitting in the park, reading a Transfiguration book to Evan. The latter was listening to her voice, as if he was fascinated by what she was explaining to him. Dumbledore sat next to them.
"Transfiguration has always been my favourite subject, too" he fondly smiled at her.
"I know, Professor. You've already told me that…"
"I'm getting old" Dumbledore chuckled.
Regina couldn't help but smile at that. She liked the man.
"I have thought about… your suggestion. But may I have a little more time to give an answer?" she asked, uncertain.
"Of course you can!" Dumbledore exclaimed. "I didn't come for that!"
Regina raised her eyebrows, in a silent question of why he was coming, then.
"I have a request" the Headmaster admitted.
"I'm listening" Regina murmured, curious.
"Tonight is Christmas. And I would appreciate it greatly if you didn't stay in your dormitory" he seriously and slowly said.
"I'm not sure it'd be a good idea for me to come, Professor" Regina lowered her head.
Dumbledore deeply sighed. She looked at him, and his eyes were so sad, so empathic. It nearly made her cry, and confess everything. She realised how much she needed someone to talk to. Someone who would reassure her. Someone who would tell her that she hadn't been a horrible person to Emma.
"Everyone makes mistakes, Regina. Admitting it to ourselves, and realising that what we did was wrong is already a huge step. And the beauty of it all is that mistakes can be repaired. They're not necessarily bad things. They make us grow up. They make us even better persons…"
Once again, Regina felt like Dumbledore knew her. Like he could perfectly read her thoughts.
"I…" Regina began, but didn't trust her voice to keep on.
"Take your time" Dumbledore encouraged her to continue.
Regina took a few long and deep breaths.
"I know I made mistakes. And I'll probably make so much more. But it's not the main problem…"
"What is, then?" Dumbledore gently asked.
"The problem is… I'm not worthy. I don't deserve to be happy"
Tears ran down her cheeks silently. And even Dumbledore's eyes wetted.
"Why do you think that, Regina?"
"My whole life it has been… I don't know… obvious? First my parents let me down. Then Severus. Then…" she couldn't bring herself to say her name. It was too painful.
"The truth is, Regina… your heart is so full of love, and it's almost too much feelings for only one person. And that love makes you the incredible and extraordinary person you are. But this love could be your downfall as well. Don't let your deceptions get in the way of the pureness of your heart. The people you love… they love you back fiercely" Dumbledore stated.
"How could you know that, Professor?" Regina interrupted him.
"Easy. The same way I know what you're feeling. I can see it. And even though I can't know everything about you or them, I know the human kinds. I'm a very good spectator at the great scheme of life, and people's emotions. And I often guess correctly about them" he smiled.
Regina remained quiet. It was true. Up until now, she had always thought that the man could read her mind.
"They love you, Regina. They care about you" Dumbledore persisted.
Regina nodded, crying.
"Will you come tonight?" he asked her again.
Regina nodded affirmatively.
"Thank you. You can dress Muggle type if you want to. I probably will. I found some very interesting Muggle clothes I would like to try" he chuckled.
Regina smiled through her tears. The man was really something else.
"Thank you" she whispered, looking at him.
Dumbledore heard her, and winked at her joyfully before he stood up.
"Until tonight, my dear girl" he greeted her before leaving.
"Until tonight, Professor" she breathed, apprehensively.
She wasn't ready for this. She didn't know how to act. She wore a pair of black jeans, a black shirt (with a great cleavage), and black Louboutin stilettos. Her make-up was also very dark. She looked at her reflect in the mirror and couldn't help but think: "simple but sexy as hell".
She had been content with her looks, but now her heels were reasoning throughout the corridors, she felt exposed, vulnerable. Not ready. She wanted to go back. She had said Dumbledore she would come, though. And she had no reason to be scared. She could sit next to the Headmaster, and speak to only him for the evening… yes. That was a great idea. This was what she was about to do.
As soon as she entered the room, she spotted the old man. He was wearing a Santa Claus costume. She couldn't help but smile at that. So this was the Muggle clothes he was speaking about. Dumbledore immediately saw her too, and smiled at her smirk. Disappointed, she immediately noticed that the seats next to him were already taken by the Transfiguration teacher and the Charms one. She should have arrived sooner. She saw the free place next to McGonagall and didn't hesitate. She regretted her choice as soon as she sat. Emma was directly in front of her, at the other side of the table. Her head dropped, and she didn't even try to see if her brother was there too. She blushed even more when she got the feeling that Emma's eyes were fixed on her.
She never raised her head from her plate throughout the whole meal, but to answer her teachers and looking at only them. She remained silent for the most part of it, though. Biting back her tears every time she knew Emma was gawking at her. Which was often. They were eating the dessert, when she felt that she couldn't take it anymore. Emma's eyes were burning holes in her skin, and put her on edge. She felt so very awkward, so very heartbroken, she wanted to vomit. She needed air. She muttered a quick "if you'll excuse me", and fled the common room.
As soon as she was in the park, she ran. She ran without thinking, without hearing anything but the wind. Her heels were hurting her feet, and she gladly welcomed the physical pain. She ran to the other end of the lake, where she collapsed. She brought her head to knees, and tried her best not to throw up. Nor cry. She could do it.
When she finally raised her head to look at the peaceful water, Emma was standing in front of her, a few feet away. Silent. Staring at her. Impassive.
Regina immediately stood up. But didn't dare ask anything. She turned around and tried to leave. She heard Emma's footsteps following her. She stopped at the edge of the Forbidden Forrest and looked at Emma, defiantly, angrily. Trying to make her understand that she needed to be alone. That she was breaking her heart all over again by her mere presence. But as Regina had stopped walking, Emma hadn't. She was coming straight to Regina. The latter stepped backwards, but Emma was determined, Regina could see it clearly in her eyes. She grabbed her arm forcefully before she could muster a proper thought, pushed her backwards and violently pinned her against a tree. What the fuck does she have with trees? Regina thought, wincing from the ache in her back.
"Get out of my head" Emma murderously whispered.
The remark was so out of the blue that Regina opened her mouth, shocked. Trying to find a proper answer to it. But failing to think anymore when Emma's lips crashed on hers. Emma kissed her like she had never kissed her: violently, ferociously, and so much more hungrily than ever before. Regina was surprised to realise how desperately she kissed her back. Her hands were long lost in Emma's hair. Their clothes magically disappeared, and Regina couldn't know if she was responsible for it or not. Moans were already all over her, and she couldn't determine if they were hers or Emma's.
The blonde girl raised her body up, and the tree scratched Regina's back. She groaned from the pain and her arousal. She could feel her core wetting Emma's stomach. She was grinding forcefully against Emma's body, and before she knew it, the latter violently entered her. Her lips detached, Regina's head collided the tree and the brunette screamed out loud her pleasure. Emma had never fucked her like this. Her pace had never been so quick, so brutal, and so animalistic. She couldn't dissociate the pleasure from the pain anymore. Emma's fingers were so deep inside of her, and were filling her so completely, Regina wondered if she wasn't actually fisting her. Emma's movements never slowed down. Not even when she climaxed. Which made her climax again. And again. And again. Regina never stopped screaming.
And suddenly, Emma pulled out and stepped back. Regina almost crashed on the floor. She was hurt everywhere. She felt as if a truck had driven her off. She realised she was crying. Mostly from the loss of contact. And partly because her love was overwhelming. Emma turned her back on her, sat and brought her head to her knees. Then she wept. Regina bent over, took her in her arms from behind and cried with her.
"I'm so sorry" she whispered.
She repeated it dozens of times, before Emma finally calmed down. They didn't move for several minutes, completely silent. Then, Emma murmured:
"I'm sorry if I hurt you. I didn't want to"
"Liar" Regina couldn't help but smirk. She felt whole again.
Emma sinisterly chuckled. Regina left her back to crawl to her front, and straddled her legs. They looked silently at each other for several minutes, never breaking eye-contact.
"I'm sorry" Regina finally admitted softly.
"You already told me that" Emma sighed.
"And I need to say it again. I should never have said that" Regina murmured.
"Why didn't you come back?" Emma asked, insecure.
"I was afraid"
"Of what?"
"Of you saying me that it was over" Regina admitted. "Why didn't you come back?"
"Same reason. And I was scared you'd tell me that I was nothing compared to your brother…"
"I see…" Regina muttered.
Emma was about to add something, but Regina kissed her. And showed her for hours just how much Emma was "something" to her…
Their lives returned to routine. Emma and Regina talked a lot about their issues. The whole break-up thing had had the advantage to bring them even closer than before. They became inseparable. Even during the classes they shouldn't be sharing, Emma accompanied Regina and didn't leave her side. The teachers never said anything about it, and just accepted it. In these trouble times, witnessing such a strong connection between a Slytherin and a Gryffindor students, was not only extraordinary, but also inspiring. Dumbledore often winked at Regina when their gazes would meet and the brunette smiled fondly back. Lily and Potter were obviously very much in love. And Severus obviously very much bitter about it. He was now swimming in the Dark Arts.
Regina had talked to Emma about the Headmaster's suggestion. And Emma had been thrilled. It was the best compromise they could reach: Regina wouldn't be completely engaged in the fight against Voldemort, but she wouldn't cross her arms and wait either.
In April, Regina went back to Dumbledore's office.
"I've made my decision, Professor" she shyly announced.
"I'm listening" Dumbledore calmly stated, smiling.
"I would be honoured to work for the Prime Minister"
Dumbledore's face lit up.
"It's settled, then. May I introduce you to Fumseck? This is him who will bring you my letters. I need you to be available for him at any time of day or night. And if you have the slightest problem, do not hesitate to send me Evan" the man enthusiastically proclaimed.
"You know my owl's name?" Regina asked, surprised.
"Why wouldn't I? He's a resident of this castle. And Miss Snape, you'll learn that I personally know every single soul here" he chuckled.
Regina lightly laughed and nodded.
"I see. I will be available, Sir. Every time you'll need me to be." She promised.
"I'm glad to know that. Are you ready for your N.E.W.T.s?"
"I am. And I actually can't wait for them to be over" Regina smiled.
"Perfect. How's your brother, Regina?" Dumbledore's face darkened.
So did Regina's. She hadn't spoken to him in seven months.
"I have no idea" she winced.
"You probably should talk to him" Dumbledore advised her gently.
"I know" she recognised.
When she left the office, Emma was waiting for her outside.
"How did it go?" she enquired.
"Great. He's still okay. And he told me to speak with Severus…" Regina murmured.
"I agree…" Emma didn't want Regina to think that she was separating them. But truth be told, she hated Regina's twin brother for everything he had done to her, and everyone else.
"Meet me under our tree in half an hour?" the brunette suggested.
"Sure. I'll see you then" Emma lovingly smiled at her.
They kissed and parted ways. Regina found Severus in the library, deep in thoughts. He was studying a Dark Magic book.
"Still into the Dark Arts, I see" Regina said tentatively.
Severus raised his eyes to her, and simply stared at her. She sat and gulped.
"I have a plan for next year" she tried again.
"What could that be?" he asked, interested.
"I am going back to the Muggles' world"
He raised his eyebrows, surprised.
"Okay" he simply answered.
"That's all you have to say?"
"Yeah, it is. I think you'll be safer there. Just be sure to have another identity. I'm pretty sure You-Know-Who will try to find you" he sombrely said.
"Why?" Regina asked, scared.
"He knows you're my twin sister. And he knows everything about your abilities…"
"Were you stupid enough to tell that to him?" she burst out.
"I wasn't. But Bellatrix was. She got quite… attached to him." He explained.
Regina stood up and left.
The N.E.W.T.s were even easier than what she had thought. She was absolutely sure she would get Outstandings everywhere.
They still had one week before everyone would leave for the vacations, or more specifically, for ever for the seventh grade students. Emma had succeeded just fine, even though the stress had made her throw up practically every day for the past month. Both girls were sitting near the lake, enjoying the summer sun, but Emma seemed completely out of it.
"What's wrong, baby?" Regina enquired, concerned.
She had already asked that question a dozen times, but her girlfriend just shrugged her questions away.
"I'm not sure" the blonde girl murmured.
"What is it you're not sure about, sweetheart?"
"Gina… I need you to be very open-minded right now… and very understanding…" Emma stuttered, broken.
"You're scaring me…" Regina muttered.
"I think I might be… pregnant?" Emma silently cried.
Regina stiffened. Open-minded? Understanding? Emma had dared to cheat on her? She wanted her to be understanding after that? She immediately stoop up and ran away. Emma didn't even try to stop her. Luckily for her. If she had, both the mother and the infant would be dead by now. She had never experienced this kind of rage before. She felt she could erase the entire humanity and not even realise it. Without really thinking, she went straight to Dumbledore's office. She entered it without knocking. She didn't greet the man, didn't smile at him, didn't do anything but stare at him murderously.
"I need to leave. Now" she demanded.
Dumbledore's eyebrows furrowed. He looked very concerned.
"The train won't leave before next week" he calmly pointed out.
"I know that. I need to go, now" Regina repeated, feeling the break-down approaching really fast.
"Why?" Dumbledore asked gently.
Regina breathed in and out for several seconds to try and calm herself down.
"Because if I don't leave the castle in the hour, I will kill someone." She calmly stated.
Dumbledore's face was shocked. But he understood that something must have come up. Something really serious. He had never seen his student like that. And the Regina he knew wouldn't have said that without reason.
"I can create you a Portkey-sickness right now. It will lead you directly to your new accommodations. Can you summon all your stuff here while I'm doing just that?"
Regina nodded silently. An hour later, she was in a big Muggle flat, with her luggage, Evan and a letter from Dumbledore. She would begin work the next morning. To busy her mind, she created many money Muggle bills, set her things up and cooked. Mrs Evans had showed her how to, and she loved it. She then sent Evan to Dumbledore to tell him that she had arrived safe and sound.
And now she was laying on her bed. Alone. And the first tears spilled. She cried all night long, unable to stop. She wanted to kill the bastard who had touched Emma. She wanted to know his name. She wanted to know how Emma could have done that to her. And how she could have cheated on her, when they were together all the time. And then, she was wondering how she could live without Emma. How she could survive without her. In the morning, Severus magically appeared in her room.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Regina screamed, still crying, lost, scared, hurt.
"I felt something wasn't right…" he said, while raising his wrist.
The little doe was red. Regina kept crying. Severus immediately went to her, and hugged her tight.
"I would have come sooner, but I had to cross the entire Forbidden Forrest to be able to desapparate." He explained.
Regina couldn't answer him. She was crying against his shirt.
"What happened, baby? Is it Emma?" he asked, worried.
Regina nodded.
"Tell me, please" he begged her.
"She's pregnant" Regina wept.
"She's… is it yours?" he stuttered.
"Sev, I'm a girl!" she screamed.
"You asked someone else to sleep with her? Who's he?"
"I didn't ask anything! She cheated on me!" Regina cried louder.
"Fuck… I'm gonna kill her!" Severus growled.
"Don't you dare! If someone has a right to do that, it's me!" Regina threateningly said.
"You're right" he admitted.
Severus stayed with her the whole week. He waited for her in the flat when she was working. He comforted her when she was coming back. Dumbledore sent him his luggage. They spoke a lot. But never again about Emma. She told him everything about the Prime Minister and her job. She told him everything about Podmore. She didn't have much to do yet, anyway. She just followed the two guys, never spoke, and just nodded when someone asked something from her. Contact someone. Write a letter. Easy stuff.
Severus left at the end of her first week. He told her he would become a Death-Eater. But would give her any information if some day, Voldemort decided to attack the Prime Minister. He didn't want his sister to be endangered. Regina nodded weakly. Nothing else mattered anymore.
Seven months passed. She had huge walls around her heart protecting her from everything. She hadn't heard of Emma. She didn't think about her anymore. She was this cold hard-ass bitch, most of the employees feared. And she was respected. The Prime Minister never went anywhere without her, and appreciated her work greatly. He was now confiding her important missions. Podmore and she were completely and successfully implanted in the Government.
Dumbledore often sent her letters to inform her of the news. At the same time, she had subscribed to the Daily Prophet, and received the newspaper. Severus visited her secretly every other day. And told her their plans. She passed on these news to Dumbledore, unbeknownst to Severus. Without even realising it, she joined the Order of the Phoenix. But she wasn't interested in anything anymore. She didn't care about her life or other people's lives anymore. The only exception to that was her brother. And she realised just how much she understood him now. If Dumbledore hadn't helped her to find a job, she would have had absolutely no remorse to work for Voldemort. She wouldn't give a single fuck about that. But now, she was working for a man who believed in her, who trusted her. Who wanted her. And she was fine with that. She respected the old man immensely, and was ready to give her life for his cause. She didn't care about her life much, anyway.
Podmore and Regina were as friends as she could be friends with someone. She respected the man. He was a puissant wizard. Almost as powerful as she was. But she knew that rare were the ones who could measure up to her. Probably Voldemort. Surely Dumbledore. Maybe her brother… besides that... no one. She had been glad to have Outstandings to all of her N.E.W.T.s and had made fun of Severus when she had learnt that he hadn't had an Outstanding in Charms and Transfiguration.
Anyways, the months passed. The terror became greater and greater for everyone. Severus informed her that Death-Eaters intended to kill a couple of Muggle-borns families. One of them was Elsa's family. She had left her job, and had waited for them to come. And four Death-Eaters had. She hadn't killed them. But after she was done with them, they were all transferred to Mungo Bonham. Then, she had created a Fidelius Charm around Elsa's house after talking to the whole family. And she was their Secret-Keeper.
Severus had explained to his sister that Voldemort was trying to know who she was by all means. He didn't have much on her. But had doubts. Particularly because of Bellatrix who had known her, and believed she was the one behind all this. Severus wasn't in a very good position, and Regina thanked all the Gods that he was the best Occlumens she knew.
Dumbledore had congratulated her, but had advised her not to do it again. That it could be very dangerous. For her and other persons. By other persons, the message of Dumbledore had been loud and clear: be careful about your brother. She wondered why he cared about Severus' fate. And then she thought how good a man Dumbledore was.
In February, she received a letter. Thinking that it was from Dumbledore, she opened it without even checking the sender's name. She recognised the writing right away and would have thrown the piece of paper away if a photograph hadn't fallen from it. It was a baby with brown hairs, and a huge smile. Regina almost destroyed it. But she was curious to know why Emma would send her a picture of the bastard. So she read the letter.
Regina,
I hope this letter will find you in good health. I didn't give up my Auror studies, and I should graduate soon. Thanks to you. I will be forever grateful to you for that.
I know you already made your choice. And I understand it perfectly. I know how much of a shock a baby can be when you are 18. Believe me, I understand you. But I thought you'd be interested in seeing your son anyway. I am not mad at you anymore, Regina. I have been for a very long time (and especially when I gave birth to him), but I am not anymore. You weren't ready for him, and sometimes I wonder if I am. I decided to keep him. I wanted to give him to a foster care, first. I didn't know how I possibly could raise him without you. And then, I held him in my arms. And I wasn't able to let him go. I just couldn't. I don't know if you'd understand.
Anyway, he's two months today. Believe it or not, he looks a lot like you already. But I think he'll have my eyes. It's too bad… I loved your eyes. I wanted to thank you for giving me our child. You didn't want to, you didn't expect him. But I don't regret him. If you ever want to see him, I will never be an obstacle, just know that.
Thank you for those beautiful years, Regina. Thank you for making me the woman I am today. And thank you again for Henry. My baby boy.
Emma.