DISCLAIMER: HG CHARACTERS DO NOT BELONG TO ME
"Oh look, the Mockingjay's awake" Johanna says with a sneer and plops down on Katniss's hospital bed, Katniss wincing in pain in response.
Katniss looks at Johanna as she grins at her, almost as if she is relishing in the fact that Katniss has a look of severe discomfort on her face. "Still a little sore?" Johanna asks.
Katniss nods as she watches Johanna detach the morphling drip from her arm and attach the tube into her own arm. "They started cutting back my supply a few days ago, I suppose they are afraid I'm going to turn into the freaks from 6, I borrowed some from you earlier, didn't think you'd mind."
"No" Katniss manages to say in a hoarse voice.
Katniss continues to watch as Johanna sighs when the morphling enters her bloodstream. "Maybe they were onto something in 6-drugging yourself out is not such a bad life. They have this head doctor who comes around every day. I guess he's supposed to be helping me recover. How is anyone whose spent their entire life in this rabbit hole going to fix me up? He's a complete idiot. He says at least twenty times during his session that I'm safe-totally safe. How about you Mockingjay? You feel totally safe?"
Katniss gives her a blank look and says, "None of us are safe."
"You know that bullet never even touched you, Cinna made sure of that."
Katniss ponders what Johanna has said, while she knew the suit Cinna designed for her had layers of protected armor, she begins wondering how it is she is in so much pain. "Did I break my ribs?"
"Ruptured spleen. But don't worry-you don't need one-if you did, someone down here would find you one. It's everyone's job to keep you alive" the snide tone returning to Johanna's voice.
"Is that why you hate me?"
"Partly. I'm jealous I'll admit. But you are also a little hard to swallow. With your tacky romantic drama and your defender of the helpless act. Only it isn't an act, which makes you even more unbearable. Please feel free to take this personally."
"They should have made you the Mockingjay, no one would have had to feed you lines."
"True. But no one likes me."
"For what its worth, I don't think the people here like me."
"Because you won't blindly do what they want."
"Yeah."
"In the Capitol, you are the one they fear now. And the people down here know that."
Katniss's eyes shift as she sees Gale appear in the doorway. Johanna turns and sees him silently standing there and unhooks the tube and reattaches Katniss's morphling drip. She then stands up and says, "Your cousin's not afraid of you though" and gives Gale a flirtatious smile. Katniss forces herself to maintain a neutral face, for she was shocked Johanna has not heard about what transpired between her and Gale in front of the rebel leaders. Thinking if she had heard, she wouldn't be teasing that he was her cousin.
"I'll see you later gorgeous" Johanna says as she walks out of the room.
Katniss raises her eyebrows at Gale as he takes her hand. He whispers the words "Can't wait" and she laughs, causing her to wince in pain again.
"Easy" he says as he strokes her face gently. "You've got to stop running straight into trouble."
"I know-but someone blew up a mountain."
Expecting him to pull back in anger he leans in closer, his face within inches of hers. "I know you still think I'm heartless."
"I meant what I said in the cave. You are not heartless. But I won't tell you it's okay."
He pulls back abruptly and says in an impatient manner, "Katniss-what is the difference between crushing our enemy in a mine or blowing them out of the sky with one of Beetee's arrows? The result is the same."
"I don't know. But it is different-we were under attack in 8. The hospital was under attack."
"Yes, and those hoverplanes came from 2! By taking them out, we prevented further attacks."
"With that kind of thinking, you could make the argument for killing anyone at any time. You could justify sending kids into the Hunger Games to prevent the Districts from getting out of line."
"I don't buy that."
"I do. Must be from those trips to the arena."
Giving her a sympathetic look, he comes closer and says, "We know how to disagree, we always have. But maybe that's good."
"Maybe" she says as her head drops down, unable to look at him.
Having the sudden urge that he needs to make it known that her opinion of him matters greatly, he says, "I don't want your feelings for me to change when I tell you how I feel."
Her head perks back up. Her gray eyes stare intently into his as she says, "I don't want that either."
"I don't want people to get hurt, I really don't."
"But there will be casualties. It is the reality of war. That is what you think."
He nods in response. She thinks about his reaction when they returned to 12 to film the propo, how he could barely speak after arriving. She thinks about the guilt he voiced in the fact that he was only able to save 800 people from District 12, and how he wished he could have saved more. That is the Gale she is in love with, even though she cannot say it.
She sighs deeply and reaches for his hand, bringing him closer to her. "I hate this" she whispers, her forehead pressed against his.
"I know" he says as his head turns and he begins kisses her softly, not caring if anyone sees them.
After a few moments they pull away, for they heard footsteps outside. After a moment they realize it was only a passerby outside and he says, "We have District 2 now."
"Really? Was there fighting after I got shot?" she says, her interest perked.
"Not much. The workers from the Nut turned on the Capitol soldiers. The rebels just sat by and watched, the whole country did actually."
"Well, that's what they do best."
Katniss watches as Greasy Sae takes Gale's hand and pulls him into the center of the dance floor. They are at Finnick and Annie's wedding, and she is standing off to the side, clapping to the rhythm.
In the last few days since she recovered from her injuries, she learned from Boggs that no one from 13 had told Coin or Heavensbee regarding the open display of affection between her and Gale. Knowing that Heavensbee and Coin had originally told her that Gale was "all hers" once the cameras were not rolling, she could not help but think that for Coin, it was not a true statement.
She also wondered, if the others had lied to Boggs, for she didn't believe for a minute that Coin hadn't heard what happened.
Luckily, her thoughts are pulled away when she begins dancing with Prim. But things turn sour quickly when she is whisked away by Haymitch after she recognizes the frosting on the cake was done by Peeta.
Even though it is late, and she did not want to see him, she finds herself standing outside of Peeta's hospital room. Thinking she was done with him, her heart breaks as she sees he is restrained to the bed, with a tube ready to disperse drugs to knock him out in case he loses control.
The conversation did not begin well, he insults her, saying she was nothing special to look at. The conversation then turns in a positive direction when he asks her about that day in the rain with the bread.
"I think you picked a dandelion" he says, and she nods in response.
"I must have loved you a lot."
"You did" she says.
"Did you love me?"
She keeps her eyes glued to the floor as she says, "Everyone says I did. Everything thinks that's why Snow had you tortured-to break me."
"That's not an answer!" and he begins talking about what happened in the arena, how she tried to kill him and the career pack with the tracker jackers. She confirms that she was in fact, trying to kill all of them.
"Later, when we were in the cave-there was a lot of kissing. Didn't' seem very genuine on your part. Did you like kissing me?"
"Sometimes" she says truthfully.
"What about Gale?"
"He's not a bad kisser either" she says shortly, not wanting to even begin a discussion with him regarding Gale.
"And it was okay with both of us? You kissing the other?"
"No-it wasn't okay with either of you. But I wasn't asking your permission" she says, forcing herself to refrain from telling him that her and Gale have done much more than kissing since they were last in the arena together.
"You sure are a piece of work" he says laughing.
She storms out, thankful that Haymitch did not protest as she walks down the hall. She manages to find the supply closet and encloses herself inside the darkness, forcing herself to calm down.
While she sits in silence, she begins to wonder, if perhaps she is the one with the dark heart-for she was relieved that she didn't have to worry about Peeta's feelings should the truth come out about her and Gale. But as she continues to sit, she begins to realize, if Peeta learns the truth, that Gale is now her lover, the next time they see each other, will he call her a slagheap slut? A Capitol whore?
And she hates herself when she realizes, that if were to happen, it would bother her a great deal.
"What do you mean I'm not going to the Capitol? I'm the Mockingjay! I have to be there!" Katniss says to Coin in the command room.
"You achieved your goal; you unified the Districts against the Capitol. We will fly you in during the surrender."
"Surrender? What surrender? I'll miss all the fighting by the time that happens. You need me."
Coin looks up from her computer screen and gives Katniss a pointed look.
"Gale's going" Katniss says.
"Gale has shown up for training every day unless occupied with other approved duties. He can manage himself in the field. But you-when was the last time you attended a training session?"
"Look, I know I stopped going to training after I began filming propos. But it's not like I haven't contributed-I was hunting and brining food back!" She wanted to yell that Gale has hunted as well, yet she was the one being accused of not cooperating with 13's schedule protocol.
"We all know you are smart, brave, and excellent with a bow. But we need soldiers in the field. You are not a soldier-and not exactly at your physical peak" Boggs says gently.
"That didn't bother you when I was in 8 or 2."
"But you weren't sent there to fight" Heavensbee interrupts giving Katniss a look signaling that she was about to reveal too much.
"And both resulted in injury" Boggs says.
"I have to go" she says sternly.
"Why?" asks Coin.
She wishes for a moment she could tell them the truth. That she cannot stand to be in this dark place, that she has formed her own plan to kill Snow, a plan that she hasn't even told Gale. Or the biggest reason of all-that she cannot remain here while Gale goes off to fight. That being without him would be unbearable.
She finds herself saying instead, "Because of 12. Snow destroyed my District."
"You have three weeks to train" Coin says.
"I guess I won't have time to get to the cabin" Katniss says to Gale as he walks her back to her compartment after dinner that evening.
"I can go, I think I'll have time on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
"Just make sure you bring extra fishing nets."
"It won't be the same without you" he says.
She wishes she could say the same in response, but the cabin had been her sanctuary for weeks before she showed it to him.
"How are you going to manage getting away?" she asks.
He shrugs and says, "I'll tell Beetee the residents of 12 want fresh fish for dinner."
She smiles, then says, "But I thought you liked your weapon design meetings with him?"
"I do, but….this is more important. We don't have much time if we are both going into the field to get our families to a safe place."
As they approach her compartment door, she reaches up and hugs him tight, wishing at that moment she could pull him into her room and onto her bed.
The next morning, when Katniss and Johanna report for training at 7:30 in the morning, she is insulted when she sees that she has been placed in a class with 14- and 15-year-olds. Knowing that Gale is in an accelerated class, she cannot believe she has been put in a more basic class than when she first arrived.
But once she begins strength training, she figures out perhaps she was placed in the right class, for her injuries over the last few weeks have made her weak. With her ribcage still bruised, she is told she can receive treatment to help accelerate the healing process but that it won't be a pleasant experience. Desperate to get the Capitol to kill Snow and be with Gale, she asks for the treatment, and receives 24 needle jabs to her ribcage.
She lays on a hospital bed, her ribs feeling as if they are on fire. She is not allowed morphling, and with Johanna's supply cut off withdrawal begins.
Dragged out of bed at dawn by Johanna to get to training, she forces herself to keep fighting through the pain. After a few days Johanna becomes frustrated, saying that they needed to leave the hospital because they were Victors, not patients. But she is not allowed to live alone in a compartment for the doctors have figured out she is addicted to morphling so Katniss volunteers to move into a compartment with her and with Haymitch's help, it was decided they would move into a compartment across from Prim and her Mom.
As they settle in, Katniss tells Johanna it is okay once she stumbles upon her belongings. Giving her permission to look, Katniss watches her as she thoroughly inspects her locket that has Prim, Gale, and her Mom's picture inside. She then finds the pearl and says, "Is this-"
"Yeah" Katniss says quickly.
"Haymitch says he's getting better."
"Maybe. But he's changed."
"So have you. So have I. So has Haymitch, Finnick, and Beetee. And don't even get me started on Annie Cresta. The arena messed us all up pretty bad. Do you think you are still the person you were when you volunteered for your Sister?"
"No" Katniss says without hesitation.
"I think the one thing that I can agree with the head doctor, is when he says, there's no going back."
"So, are you two officially a couple now, or are they still dragging out the star-crossed lover thing?" Peeta asks while pointing at Katniss and Gale with his spoon.
"Still dragging" Johanna says before Katniss can respond, for she knows Gale would not dare speak on her behalf.
Katniss watches as Peeta's hands begin to tighten into fists, then extend out, over and over. Coming on suddenly and acting very strangely, she begins to wonder if he is forcing himself to move his hands this way to keep from those hands wrapping around her neck again. She instinctively moves her leg closer to Gale's under the table.
She feels the tension in Gale's muscles as he sits next to her. Fearing that an altercation is about to begin, she is surprised when Gale calmly says, "I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself."
"What?" Peeta asks.
"You."
"I need you to be more specific Gale. What about me?"
"That they've replaced you with the evil-mutt version of yourself" Johanna says, again answering for someone else.
Gale gulps his drink and once he sets it down on the tray turns to Katniss and says, "You done?"
Katniss rises without saying a word and Gale grabs her tray as they quickly leave the cafeteria.
As they mindlessly walk up and down the halls in silence to pass the time, Gale finally breaks the silence by saying, "I didn't expect that."
"He hates me" Katniss responds in a monotone voice.
"It's the way he hates you. It's so….familiar. I used to feel like that. When I'd watch you kissing him on the screen. Only I knew I wasn't being entirely fair. He can't see that."
"Maybe he sees me for who I truly am" she says solemnly.
"What do you mean?" Gale says confused.
"Maybe he knows about you and me. Maybe he knows I am not being truthful. That we are lying to everyone."
"Even if he does, believe me when I say he's not seeing you as you truly are. I would know as your oldest friend."
She raises her eyebrows in response and says, "Friend huh?"
He shrugs and says, "We are still best friends right?"
"We are."
"And…..more than just 'officially' a couple" Gale using air quotes around the word officially.
"Yes."
He smiles and says, "All the more reason my opinion is relevant."
For the first time that evening, she forms a smile then says sadly, "It's just….weird. He was always the nice one."
Not wanting to talk about Peeta any longer, for he wanted to spend some time with his family before he needed to get ready for bed but needing to tell her a particularly important thing before he leaves, he says, "We need to find a private place to talk. I figured out something about….you know what."
She looks around to make sure no one was nearby. They quickly find a supply closet to sneak into and as they are enclosed in the darkness she says, "What?"
"The bathroom. When I went on Tuesday, I decided to look in there. I had never seen a shower, sink or toilet look like that. So, on Wednesday, I went down to the historical archives room, I pretended to be doing research for Beetee. But I found a book that I managed to sneak out. The book was written before the dark days, it's about the technology of the past."
Katniss's memory flashes back to when Heavensbee spoke in length on the Hovercraft ride the day they filmed the propo in 12. Going on and on about the advanced technology that was no longer available to Panem.
"I saw in the book, that Panem used to be…what they called…..eco friendly."
"Huh?"
"They had what they called…composting. It said everything in the toilet would….break down into a nutrient rich soil. And that it is odorless."
"So…no plumbing?"
"It said it runs on electricity or solar power."
"What about the sink and shower?"
"Hybrid plumbing-combination of using a water tank for storage and water pump for filtration. One way it can be done is with rainwater….once collected in the tank, it passes through the filtration system and ready for use and collected in another tank."
Katniss processes Gale's words then says, "So the cabin-"
"Functions on solar power. I went behind the cabin and saw a small solar panel on the corner of the roof. It was not big, but I'm pretty sure that was what it was, it's placed directly where the sunlight hits it."
Katniss tries to process how it all works, but understands it is technology that Panem no longer possesses.
"So where are the tanks?"
Gale shrugs and says, "Possibly under the cabin. But-the bathroom works. I….used it on Thursday. The shower water got quite warm."
Katniss is silent for a moment then says, "This means the cabin was built-"
"A long, long, time ago."
"Before Panem was….Panem."
"I just wonder how it survived the first rebellion. And how it managed to remain hidden before that" Gale says.
Katniss ponders his words, remembering how the wood of the cabin didn't quite look, like regular wood.
"Maybe someone from 13 used to live there, before 13 went underground" she says.
"I guess that's how some of this stuff was recorded…like what I read in the book."
"Where is the book?"
"I returned it the next day, couldn't risk anyone noticing that it was gone."
"This is good. Maybe all we need to do at this point, is build more feather mattresses. If we can get a bed made for Rory and Vick, and a bed for your Mom and Posy, my Mom and Prim can take the bed that's there now."
"It'll be a tight fit."
"It will, but they have a working bathroom, a fireplace, Rory and Vick can fish and set a snare line, right?"
"Yeah-I was able to teach them-before 12 was bombed."
"It won't be much different than the Seam."
"No" Gale says bitterly.
"We better go, I want to go see Prim and my Mom, and then I need to get some sleep."
He leans down and kisses her deeply before slipping out of the supply closet and out into the hall.
Once Katniss returns to her room, she sees Johanna on the bed, studying one of the military tactics books they had been given.
"You're back" Johanna says.
"Yeah…was visiting next door."
"You shouldn't have left dinner early. Delly actually got PISSED at Peeta over how he treated you at dinner. She was so loud, or should I say…squeaky, the whole dining hall took notice."
"What did Peeta do?"
"He started arguing with himself like he was two people. The guards had to take him away. Lucky for me, no one noticed I finished his dinner" she says with sly smile.
In a moment of pity, Katniss wishes Peeta was included in her plan to take her and Gale's family away from here. But knowing that it is an impossibility, she immerses herself in distraction and she ends her night with Johanna as they quiz each other on military terms before her eyes get heavy and sleep overcomes her.