DISCLAIMER: HG CHARACTERS DO NOT BELONG TO ME
DARKNESS
PART IV
Katniss prefers the dark, so she can continue living in what she refers to as 'dreamland'. But one day, the hospital staff begin forcing her to eat solid food, get up from her bed and walk around, and use the bathroom on her own.
Her first 'real' visitor is none other than the President herself. She sits in a chair by the window across from Coin. She says nothing, but Coin does all the talking for her.
"I'm glad to see you looking so well, especially given the burns you sustained. I'm so, so sorry about what has happened to your family. But don't worry, I've saved him for you. We have the Capitol now."
Katniss shows no emotion, just continues to stare at her. She watches Coin's reaction to this and sees the same look of satisfaction in her eye. Katniss is not sure if that look is because the rebels have now taken control of the Capitol or if it was due to something else. But Katniss does not dwell on it, for her mind is consumed by darkness. Her mouth cannot open to form words and she does not want to talk to anyone, all she wants to do, is be in the dark. The place that once gave her anxiety, now gives her comfort.
Coin leans forward and touches her hand gently and says, "I'll let you rest now."
Later that day, as Katniss continues to sit in her chair and stare out the window at the rebel soldiers guarding the area, the nurse assigned to her for the day comes in and says, "You have another visitor, he has been coming by every day for the last five days, and Dr. Aurelius has finally given him clearance to come in. Do you want me to let him in?"
Katniss knows that the 'he' the nurse is referring to could only be one of two people-Gale or Peeta.
When she does not respond the nurse shakes her head in frustration and says, "I'm letting him in before he shouts at me again demanding that I let him in to see you."
And Katniss quickly has her answer.
When he comes in, he waits patiently by the door until the nurse is out of sight. When she is, he closes the door behind him and runs over to her, falling to his knees.
Katniss looks down at him, and as with Coin, shows no emotion on her face as he takes her hands in his and says, "Katniss…I tried to come days ago, they wouldn't let me see you…no one was allowed to see you."
She notices that his shoulder is heavily bandaged, seeing the white gauze peeking out through the collar of his shirt. She touches it and he says, "I took two shots trying to escape from the Peacekeepers. The rebels brought me here after…..the Capitol fell."
She inhales deeply and turns away from him, looking out the window again. In the corner of her eye, she sees tears begin to form in his eyes as he leans in closer and says, "Katniss…I'm so sorry" and she then hears his muffled sobs as he buries his head into her lap.
She wants to tell him she turned away because she wants darkness, wants to be in dreamland, doesn't want to think about Prim, her Mom, or the unborn baby. But she is still as Dr. Aurelius calls it, a mental Avox.
Once his sobs have calmed down, she hears him say, "I'm going to ask my Mom why they didn't head for the cabin like we told them to."
She wonders if Hazelle and the kids are still in District 13 or if they have arrived in the Capitol, also wondering where Haymitch is and if her former mentor plans to come visit.
"Coin is sending me to 2. Says I have to mop up some Peacekeepers. There are still some small pockets of Capitol resistance and troops are being sent out. I told her no, that I wasn't leaving you and my family, but she is not having it. Plutarch said if I don't go, they could charge me with treason. Coin leads Panem now."
Katniss wants to tell Gale that she is not surprised, and so much for this so called, new government that was supposed to be forming. But she continues to stare out the window, looking lost in thought.
"Katniss, talk to me. Look at me please!" Gale says, his voice breaking, and she hears the sobs return.
Her eyes focus instead on the snow that is now coming down heavily.
Seeing that she was not going to engage, he slowly rises. "Peeta's here in the burn unit too. He made it to the city circle."
He fears at that moment that the Katniss he has known for the last five years, might be gone. When he sees no reaction from her when he mentioned Peeta and seeing her continue to stare out the window, he realizes that she is too consumed in grief to care about anyone or anything.
"I leave tomorrow morning; I will try to stop by if they allow me to see you" and hears him walk towards the door and close behind him as she continues to stare at the snowflakes coming down.
Katniss is disturbed from dreamland the next day when she feels the light from the window hit her face, the nurse opening the curtains when she and Gale come inside.
Not able to stare out the window, she is forced to look up at him as he stares down at her from the bed. He is dressed in his military outfit; but sees that it is new.
"I'll be back as soon as I can. My Mom has been placed in an apartment three blocks away from here. Rory, Vick, and Posy are with her. She's going to try to come see you if they allow visitors."
She looks down at her white blanket in response, becoming annoyed with seeing nothing but white in this room. White walls, white sheets, white trays, white clothing.
Knowing he does not have much time left, for the squad he was assigned to was about to leave, he leans down and says, "Katniss, there's something I have to tell you. The bombs that went off, I think-"
But before he can finish a soldier comes into the room and says, "Let's go soldier Hawthorne, you were supposed to be at the city circle ten minutes ago."
"I'm coming, I just need a few more minutes."
"Now solider!" the man's tone indicating the matter wasn't up for discussion.
She feels his lips brush against her ear as he whispers, "I know this may not help right now, but we're here for you. I love you."
And she watches as he quickly leaves.
Katniss's grief continues to consume her. Even with Gale's promise that the Hawthorne's would be there, she did not care. She writes on a piece of paper and hands to the doctors that she does not want any more visitors, and Hazelle is turned away when she arrives two days later.
The only thing keeping her alive at this point, is Coin's promise that she can kill Snow. Once an arrow is through his heart, nothing will be left.
Three days later she is released from the hospital and given a room at the President's mansion. It is there where she finally sees Haymitch, who ends up checking up on her daily. Making sure that she eats and takes the medicines given to her. Returning to her old habits back in 13, she is often found wandering around the mansion in places where she is not allowed. Seeking out the darkness, she is often hiding in closets, cabinets, even unused bathtubs. Trying to find dim, quiet, and impossible places to curl up and disappear in.
While sitting in a closet in the hall, Katniss says to herself, 'My name is Katniss Everdeen; I am 17 years old, my home is District 12. There is no District 12. I am the Mockingjay, I brought down the Capitol. President Snow hates me, he killed my Sister and my Mom. Now I will kill him, and the Hunger Games will be over.'
Suddenly, the light from the hall hits her face, ripping away her comfort in the darkness. She feels herself being pulled out forcefully and sees Haymitch looking at her. "Come on sweetheart, we have to get you back to your room."
Once Haymitch gets her back in her room, she is told she must take a bath. It is the part of the day she hates, for she must look at herself in the mirror. As she stands naked, she sees her newly constructed skin, semi burnt skin, and non-burnt skin making her look like a patchwork quilt of skin. Her hair is odd lengths, for some of it was singed off while the rest was cut off unevenly. She says to herself, 'Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire who was on fire.' She wouldn't care except for the fact that the sight of her body brings back the memory of the pain, and why she was in pain. And what happened just before the pain started. And how she watched her little Sister become a human torch. She finds closing her eyes does not help, for fire burns brighter in the darkness.
"I was hoping you'd find your way to my quarters" Snow says to Katniss.
Katniss does not respond, only stares him down while he coughs, noticing the blood on his white handkerchief.
"There are so many things we should discuss, but I have a feeling your visit will be brief. So, first things first. I want to tell you how very sorry I am about your Sister, your Mother too-but I was especially saddened to hear about Primrose."
Katniss wants to shout at him that he has no right to utter her name, but she continues to stand as still as a statue.
"So wasteful, so unnecessary, anyone could see the game was over by that point. I was about to issue an official surrender when they released those parachutes."
Snow studies Katniss's reaction and sees her confusion and says, "Well, you didn't really think I gave the order, did you? If I had a working hovercraft at my disposal, I'd been using it to make an escape. But that aside, what purpose could it have served? We both know I'm not above killing children, but I'm not wasteful. I take life for very specific reasons. And there was no reason for me to destroy a pen full of Capitol children. None at all."
Katniss tells herself that Snow is lying as his next fit of coughing comes on.
"I have to say it was a masterful move on Coin's part. The idea that I was bombing our own helpless children instantly snapped whatever frail allegiance my people still felt to me. There was no resistance after that. Did you know it aired live? You can see Plutarch's hand. And the parachutes, well, that's the sort of thinking that you look for in a Head Gamemaker isn't it? I'm sure he wasn't gunning for your Sister, but these things happen."
But Katniss does not think of Heavensbee, but of Gale and Beetee in Special Weaponry in 13 and Gale's words to her at the hospital right before he left, or what he was about to say. "Katniss, there's something I have to tell you. The bombs that went off, I think-"
She tries to think how long ago it was when she last saw Gale, 3 weeks? 4 weeks?
But her thoughts are interrupted by Snow who continues, "My failure-was being so slow to catch onto to Coin's plan. To let the Capitol and districts destroy one another, and then step in and take power with 13 barely scratched. Make no mistake-she was intending to take my place right from the beginning. I shouldn't be surprised. After all, it was 13 that started the rebellion that led to the Dark Days, and then abandoned the rest of the Districts when the tide turned against it. But I wasn't watching Coin, I was watching you. And you were watching me. I'm afraid we've both been played for fools Mockingjay."
Katniss can accept the truth about Coin, after all, she suspected it when in 13, that Coin was dangerous and couldn't be trusted, but what she couldn't accept, was that Coin would use Gale and Beetee's bomb design to kill her family intentionally. It was something she could not survive.
"I don't believe you" she manages to say, speaking her first words since the day she left Tigris's shop.
She watches as Snow shakes his head in in mock disappointment. "Oh my dear Miss Everdeen, I thought we had agreed not to lie to each other."
Katniss moves aimlessly through the mansion, moving without a purpose. Seeking out a dark place to hide, she disappears into a wardrobe full of silk clothing. She yanks the clothes from the hanger until she has a pile and then burrows herself into it. In her pocket, she takes out a morphling pill and swallows it dry. Wrapped in silk, she feels like a caterpillar in a cocoon waiting metamorphosis. She stays in the wardrobe deep into the night, and once night comes, she thinks about her conversation with Snow. At first, she tries to rationalize how the parachutes came from the Capitol, but then slowly accepts the truth-that the parachutes are Gale and Beetee's brainchild, that Coin used those bombs specifically to kill innocent children, and District 13's medics. How her Sister and Mother were killed intentionally by Coin since Peeta couldn't finish the job. And finally, she accepts the hardest truth of all-that Gale's actions inadvertently lead to the death of his unborn child.
She opens her mouth and screams into the silk. Screaming until her voice is gone.
The next day, she is whisked out of the wardrobe and presented to her prep team. She sees Effie for the first time as well who tells her today is a "Big, big day." They begin working on her hair, her nails, her makeup. Knowing today is the day of the execution, she sees her Mockingjay suit hung up. Unsure if this was a new suit or if they somehow managed to make the suit look presentable again, she is amazed by her transformation once she is back in her suit with her Mockingjay pin attached.
As they are finishing the final touches, she hears a knock at the door and Gale steps in. "Can I have a minute" he asks.
Once her prep team have scampered into the bathroom she says hoarsely, "When did you get back?"
She observes his look of surprise at the sound of her voice. "Yesterday, Coin wanted as many troops as possible back in the Capitol in order to see….the execution."
She nods her head, continuing to stare at his reflection in the mirror, not looking at him face to face.
"I brought you this" he says as he holds up a sheath.
Katniss turns around and takes it, finally facing him. She notices it is a single, ordinary arrow. "It's supposed to be symbolic, you firing the last shot of the war" he says as she twirls the arrow in her fingers.
"What if I miss?"
"You won't miss" he says as he adjusts the sheath on her shoulder.
As they stand there, face to face but still unable to look each other in the eye, Katniss says, "Was it your bomb?"
"I don't know, neither does Beetee."
"It's what you tried to tell me in the hospital."
"Yes."
Finally looking at up at him, she sees the pain in his eyes, and the fear of not knowing what she is thinking.
"Did you know they had a Capitol hovercraft?"
"Yes-I learned about it in Special Weaponry."
"You never mentioned it."
"It honestly never crossed my mind-I thought you had learned about it in your tactics class, you were in an intensive class with Johanna."
"Did you know they were going to let off those parachutes?"
"No! I swear I didn't. The design of that bomb was never meant to be used on civilians."
"You said yourself innocent people would die and that you and Beetee were just following the same rule book as Snow."
She sees how her words have stung. She sees him try to fight back tears as he says, "You'll always be thinking about it."
Knowing he is waiting for her to deny it, she pauses then says, "I'll figure out a way to make peace with it. I have to remember the circumstance of why you made the bomb. I've done…inexcusable crimes as well. But I want the truth about who dropped those parachutes."
"I do too."
She hears a knock at the door and Effie appears, "Time to go."
"Shoot straight, okay?" and Gale quickly leaves the room.
Once Coin drops to the ground, the arrow sticking out of her now lifeless body, Katniss knows she as a choice, say her final goodbyes to the handful of people who still maintain a hold on her heart, or end it all.
She chooses the second option.
As she bends her head down and raises her arm up to rip out her nightlock pill, her teeth instead sink into flesh. She yanks her head back in confusion and looks into Peeta's eyes.
Seeing the blood on his hand from where her teeth sank into it, she screams, "Let me go!" trying to wrestle her arm from his grip.
"I can't" he says calmly as she is pulled away from him.
She begins screaming for Gale, unable to find him in the throng of people that have now descended. All of them rushing towards Snow.
She is then thrown into a room, the door closing and locking without another word. She realizes she is back in her old room at the training center where she trained before the Games.
She is unsure how many days pass before the door opens and Haymitch says, "Your trial's over, come on, we're going home."
Too weak and tired to move, she is lifted off the mattress and given water and food, followed by a bath that has been prepared for her. As she sits in the tub, she hears male's voices outside, recognizing the voices immediately and can hear the argument begin to heat up.
Finally, the door opens, and she hears Haymitch say, "Make it quick!"
He does not respond as he comes into the room, quickly closing the door behind him. He approaches the tub and kneels beside her and says, "No one was allowed to see you during the trail."
She looks at Gale and sees that he is wearing his military uniform. "I called out for you."
"I know, but you were trying to kill yourself, I wasn't going to finish the job."
"So much for us always having each other's back."
"You didn't kill me when I got captured."
"Why are you here?" she asks in an unfriendly tone.
"I'm sure Haymitch will explain but…you are being sent back to 12. It was the only way Coin's people agreed to not have you executed. You'll be there until further notice."
"Where will you be?"
"I was offered a job in District 2."
"By who?"
"Commander Paylor. She got elected as the new President."
"You are not coming to 12?"
"We have to keep our enemies close remember? If we have any hope of figuring out who is responsible for releasing those parachutes, I don't think I can turn down this job offer."
Katniss thinks over his words and realizes what he is saying makes sense.
"What did your Mom say? About why they didn't go to the cabin?"
"She said that the day the Capitol fell, Coin summoned all hospital staff to the docks that morning at 7 am. No one knew what was happening, or that the Capitol was going to surrender that day. Just that staff were to report the docks, she assumes that they were all loaded onto the Hovercrafts and flown into the Capitol."
"All hospital staff were flown into the Capitol?"
"All the…lower-level staff were."
'Lambs for the slaughter' Katniss thinks to herself.
"Plutarch has been appointed secretary of communications. He controls Panem's airwaves now and the first big, televised event was your trial. He was a star witness, in your defense."
"When will I see you again?"
"I'll come as soon as I can. I don't really know what this job is that I'll have; I leave tomorrow."
"What about your family?"
"They are coming with me, Paylor has arranged housing for us. I want you to join us…once you can leave 12."
Katniss glares at him and says, "What if I am never allowed to leave?"
"You will, I have already talked to Paylor about it. I politely reminded her of how you and I helped her District that day from the Hoverplanes."
"Why is Haymitch coming with me?"
"He offered to look after you."
Katniss is not surprised by this, it was Haymitch's way of showing that he cared. But it angered her that Gale was not coming, for she needed him with her in 12, but was too angry to tell him how she felt or what she needed.
"Goodbye Gale" she says curtly.
"Katniss-" he says, knowing immediately that she is angry with him.
But she calls out for assistance before he says another word, and Gale is quickly ushered out as she is pulled out of the tub.
Later that night, Katniss and Haymitch walk towards the Victor's Village as the Hovercraft takes off into the night sky. They see that half of the houses have lights in the windows, including hers and Haymitch's. She sees Peeta's is dark.
When she goes inside, she sees someone has built a fire in her kitchen. She sits in the rocker in front of the fire, staring into the flames.
"Well, see you tomorrow" Haymitch says.
Katniss whispers, "I doubt it" once the door closes behind him.
Unable to move from the chair, the house looms cold, empty, and dark.
A/N: The story will now officially move to an AU/alternate ending since the final K/G exchange happened in the book. One thing I did to correct K/G's relationship was for him to visit her in the hospital, for I felt that was one of the main reasons Katniss cut him off (sorta, but not really) in the novel. Just my opinion, but I feel that was done to make the ending for K/P be a smoother transition.