Author's note:

Posting time wasn't too bad this time around... didn't work out as well as I wanted it to, but we'll keep it at 30 days for now. Soooo, February 25th for Chapter 50.

Uhhhhh... hmmmmm... Small suicidal warning... that's not the biggest issue in this chapter... Suddenly can't remember what happens in this one... lol. Oh, sensitive topic warning: Abortion/miscarriage.

You guys are funnnnyyyy. Counting down the days and trying to predict when certain events will happen... It's like a new season is coming out, lol. There might be a scene y'all will like... I know I'll hear about it in the comment section ;)

Anyways, enjoy!

"Howdy, all y'all cowboys and cowgurls," Kenji says, wearing an oversized cowboy hat and boots and exaggerating his cowboy walk. He pretends to chew on a stick of hay, even though he had nothing in his mouth.

Yasmina smacks the side of his face, making him snicker.

"I find that offensive," Sammy sputters in mock offense, leaning against Darius's garage door.

"How dare you offend the Sammy?!" Darius says dramatically.

Kenji immediately goes into drama queen mode. "Forgive me, your Highness!" he exclaims, falling down on his knees and hands in front of her. He goes a little too overboard and smacks his forehead on the concrete. The others can hear his head collide with the cement. He stays there, frozen for a second.

"Dude! Are you okay?!" Darius asks as he and the others crowd around him.

Kenji sits up, holding his hand to his forehead. "Ehhh, it's fine," he grimaces, trying to laugh it off. "I've survived worse."

"Don't you have a concussion!" Sammy scolds, leaning forward to examine his head.

"It's not bleeding, it's fine," he shrugs her off. "It just smarts a little."

"Brooklynn, doeth thou not care?" Ben asks, crossing his arms.

Brooklynn looks up from her phone, leaning back against the garage door next to Sammy. "It's Kenji, I wouldn't be surprised if he crawled his way out of a T-rex's stomach," she shrugs, not taking his injuries seriously.

"I'm with Brook on this one," Yasmina grins, sitting herself on the hood of the Bowman's car.

"Well, slamming your head on the concrete could lead to serious injuries," Sammy huffs, finally backing off from the alpha male.

"So, how was church?" Kenji changes subjects. "Or as Uncle Ces says, 'The time when you can't buy beer.'"

The group laughs. "Oh, it was hilarious," Darius snickers.

Sammy frowns.

"Oh, did it not suit your opinions?" Yasmina smirks.

"No, something even better," Darius chuckles.

"Our pastor was preaching about how we should give glory to God and that when people see our talent, it's actually the Jesus in us," Ben explains. "He was saying that we shouldn't take credit for God's work, we're merely vessels of Jesus. Well, he used, as an example, Jesus riding an ass."

Yasmina and Kenji wheeze. "I'm sorry, wut?" Kenji laughs.

"A donkey," Sammy corrects. "Jesus rode a donkey. Like Hee-haw."

"He rode a Hee-haw?" Darius asks, lifting an eyebrow.

"Wow, didn't know Jesus was so dirty," Yasmina says, recovering from her laughing and pasting her iconic deadpan expression on her face.

"Yasmina Laila Fadoula, that deserves la chancla!" Sammy exclaims, taking off her flip flop and throwing it at her friend.

The athlete catches it in mid air. "Ha! You're such a Mom friend."

"Ass is a term for donkey, and it's not a curse word when used that way!" Ben explains, facepalming. "King James version: Jesus sat on an ass!"

Sammy rolls her eyes and crosses her arms, having a strict philosophy on curse words.

"Anyway, he was saying how Jesus rode into Jerusalem on an ass," Ben continues. "Imagine if the donkey had seen the people cheering and laying palm branches down in front of him. If he thought, 'Well, I must be so special! Everyone is cheering for me!' would he be right? No! The people were cheering for Jesus on his back! We have to acknowledge that the praise we're getting is for Jesus, who's riding on our backs. Metaphorically speaking."

"Our pastor said he wanted to make T-shirts that said: 'Asses for Jesus' on them, but the staff shot that down," Darius laughs.

"I'd wear that purely for the controversy," Yasmina smirks. "Also cause it would annoy Sammy."

"Obviamente," the cowgirl rolls her eyes.

"Are we boring you, Brook?" Kenji asks, noticing she was still on her phone.

The pinkette looks up. "No, I just…" she sighs, grimacing. "I'm reading fanfiction, and I don't know why I'm continuing at this point…"

"Eugh, I gave up on fanfiction a long time ago after I found the darker side of it," Yasmina gags.

"What's fanfiction?" Darius asks.

"Fiction written by fans," Kenji smirks.

"Stories written by fans about their favorite artists, movies, shows, books or video games," Brooklynn explains. "It's got a notorious reputation of being crappy and written by fangirls."

"A lot of times it gets weird because people have weird ideas and fantasies," Yasmina comments. "Trust me, stay far away from it if you can."

"It's not all bad," Brooklynn argues. "If you can find good writers…"

"I will never forget the BTS one I read…" Yasmina says, her eyes widening as she stared at the house.

"I thought you hated Kpop," Kenji smirks.

"I do, but I saw self-harm in the tags and got curious," the athlete shrugs. "There was… other… stuff in it… I shall not disclose what it was. I'll leave it to your imagination."

"Aren't they a real group?" Darius asks.

"Yeah, some fanfiction is written about celebrities," Kenji nods.

Darius blinks in concern. "... Do you think people write fanfiction about us?"

Brooklynn laughs in a sheepish way. "Uhhh… What do you think I'm reading?"

"Why are you readin' that stuff?!" Sammy exclaims. "The fanart you showed me yesterday was bad enough!"

"Sam, that was tame compared to some others I've seen!" Brooklynn protests. "And this one started out pretty good… Until they decided that me and Kenji should be a couple…"

Kenji does a spit take and chokes on his saliva. "What?!"

"It's so weird!" Brooklynn groans. "For, like, the first twenty-six chapters, me and Kenji have a brother-sister relationship, while me and Darius are bordering on flirting. Now all of the sudden, Kenji has a crush on me and I have a crush back! It just feels soooo wrong!"

"And illegal!" Yasmina protests. "He's seventeen and you're fourteen! He's almost an adult and you've just entered teen years!"

"Yee, that feels wrong," Sammy nods, frowning.

"Are you sure that's illegal, though?" Ben asks. "I'm not saying it's okay, but is it illegal?"

"Hold on, let me look it up," Brooklynn mumbles, typing something into her phone. "Okay, so the Age of Consent law—the age when you may legally consent to sexual activity with another person—here in Texas is seventeen."

"So, we're all illegal here," Sammy chuckles.

"Wait, there's also something called the Romeo and Juliet law," Brooklynn holds up her finger. "The Age of Consent law still stands at seventeen, but the Romeo and Juliet law allows teens who are three years apart or less to engage in sex legally without facing penalties. Anyone between the ages of fourteen and seventeen can legally consent to sex with someone within three years of their age. So fourteen and seventeen, fifteen and eighteen, sixteen and nineteen and so on. Sixteen and twenty wouldn't fall under this because they have more than three years between them. If the ages are farther than three years apart, or if anyone has sex with someone thirteen and younger, the Romeo and Juliet law does not apply."

"So… you and Kenji are legal," Yasmina gags.

"In real life," Brooklynn says. "In the fanfiction, I'm thirteen and he's sixteen."

"Fourteen and seventeen just seems like such an inappropriate age gap," Sammy sighs.

"Haha, North Carolina's is worse," Brooklynn chuckles sheepishly. "Age of consent is sixteen, but fourteen for girls if their parents allow it. I'm not sure about the Romeo and Juilet laws… I know these laws because of school… Heheh…"

"Gosh, that sounds wrong," Yasmina shudders.

"I might be misunderstanding all of this," Brooklynn shrugs. "But it sounds like me and Kenji in the fanfiction will have some legal issues when we get back home… I wonder how they deal with things when the kids are in two different states."

"Does dating fall under the law, or is dating fine as long as there's nothing sexual going on?" Ben asks.

"I think dating is legal, just questionable," Kenji says, squinting. "I mean, it would be pretty sketchy for me to date Brooklynn a year ago, even if we weren't sexually involved."

"It leaves too much room for error," Sammy says. "Teens can be irrational, and people notoriously do stupid things when in love and lust. I wouldn't probably wouldn't trust a sixteen year old to keep their hands off a thirteen year old. Feelings can get in the way. You know, 'We couldn't help ourselves' and badabing, badaboom, the sixteen year old is a sex offender."

"Plus, it could leave room for false accusations," Brooklynn adds.

The others notice Kenji's look of panic at the mention. He quickly covers it up. "Haha, probably a good thing that Dinostar and Bensmina aren't sailing yet."

"What?" Ben and Darius ask at the same time.

"Bensmina: Ben and Yasmina ship," Kenji explains. "And Dinostar: Dino nerd and Superstar. Also called Darlynn. I wasn't the one who came up with the names, it was our fanbase."

"What's ours?" Sammy asks.

"Samji," Kenji says.

Sammy laughs.

"Yeahhh, considering Darius is only twelve, Dinostar has two years before you two can get cuddly," Kenji smirks evilly, watching Darius and Brooklynn turn red. "And Bensmina has to wait until October when Ben turns fourteen to sail."

Ben's eyes widen in embarrassment and panic.

"Yaz?" Sammy asks in concern.

The others look at the athlete. Yasmina was sitting there on the hood of the car, staring at her trembling hands. Her face was pale and eyes unfocused. If they looked closely, her chest was spasming out of panic.

"Yaz?" Darius asks, moving onto his knees in case he needed to get to her quickly.

"What's wrong?" Sammy asks, wishing she could move to her friend.

"Ben, what's wrong?" Kenji asks, causing his friends to look at him.

Ben wore a similar look of panic as the athlete. He gulps as the attention is turned to him. "Um… uh, you can't get in tr… is, uh… k-kissing considered s-sexual?" he stutters.

"Uh…" Brooklynn freezes. "I… I don't think so… Super passionate kissing might be inappropriate, but I don't think simple kisses are a problem."

"R-right…" Ben mumbles. "So… So Yaz wouldn't get p-prosecuted for… uhh… um, you know…"

"You two kissing on the island when she lost her leg?" Kenji finishes.

"Y-yeah!" Ben nods, beginning to lose color.

"Oh, Ben, I don't think they can hold that against ya," Sammy says, glancing at Yasmina who was still frozen. "I mean, you were the one who initiated it and there wasn't any romantic intent behind it."

"Right…" he sighs, looking worriedly at his friend.

His four friends glance between the two, beginning to get worried. "Why are you guys so panicked…" Kenji wonders. "Don't tell me you two got a little too close… Please tell me the kiss on the island is the only thing you're worried about…"

"No, no, no, what's going on?!" Brooklynn worries. "Why are you two anxious? God, no, don't tell me you two did it! Come on, Yaz has no romantic feelings… she's just started crushing on Ben… They would NEVER do that… But then why are you two so panicked…"

"Oh no… Why are you guys so anxious?" Sammy asks in her head, switching between looking at Yasmina and Ben. "No… is Yaz having a panic attack? … Oh no… Something happened to her as a kid, didn't it…"

"Why are you guys so weird all of the sudden?" Darius ponders. "First avoiding each other, then Yaz starts crushing on Ben and the two are super close… and now they're both worried about these romance laws… Waaaaiiiit… No… You two wouldn't do it… No, there's another reason behind this…"

"Yaz?" Brooklynn asks, getting up and approaching the athlete. She gently touches Yasmina's right knee.

She jumps. "S-sorry…" she murmurs, wiping away tears.

"What's wrong?" Darius asks.

"I…" she sniffs. "Just… flashback… to childhood trauma…"

"Your father…" Sammy starts, trailing off.

"Molested me…" Yasmina admits quietly, pulling her legs up to her chest.

The campers give their condolences. "I'm so sorry…" Sammy murmurs.

"You deserve a better childhood," Darius assures her.

"That's horrible…" Brooklynn whimpers.

"What can we do to help?" Ben asks.

"Wish I could go back in time and stop it," Kenji says, moving forward to give her a hug.

Yasmina holds out her hand. "Don't want to be touched right now…" she whimpers.

Kenji grimaces. "Right… d*** move on my part…"

"Language!" Sammy quietly hisses, making Yasmina chuckle.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Brooklynn asks, leaning against the car.

"No… I've told Ben before… you guys probably don't want to hear those details…" she murmurs. Ben shrugs in agreement.

Kenji chuckles quietly. "For a second there, I thought you two had had sex or something with the way you guys were acting."

The two react quickly. "What?!" Ben exclaims.

"Wha-ib d-dirty minded!" Yasmina snaps.

"Why would we ever do that?!" he stutters.

"You're ridiculous!" she accuses hotly.

The other four freeze. "... Okay, then…" Kenji mumbles.

They sit in awkward silence. "So… Were there any other unusual ship names from our fans?" Yasmina asks, breaking the silence.

"Um… Yenji," the alpha male says tentatively, wondering if it was safe to talk.

"Yeji?" Brooklynn frowns. "Oh! Yenji, like Yaz and Kenji. I was like, 'Yeji? Itzy, what?'"

Kenji laughs.

"Ew, me and Kenji? Disgusting," Yasmina gags with a chuckle.

"Hey! What about me is disgusting?" Kenji asks in mock offense.

Yasmina's face goes blank, completely deadpan. "I was kidding. You're absolutely hot. I have a raging crush on you."

The others laugh at her sarcasm while Kenji tries to match the energy. "Oh, what a lovely surprise. I find you to be super hawt. What a coinkydink."

"Oh, my darling, what a handsome, young man you have blossomed into," Yasmina says, her emotionless face making the statement ten times funnier.

Kenji is holding his breath, trying not to laugh as he delivers his line with equal seriousness. "My, what lovely, luscious locks of hair you have. They cascade down your bronzen shoulders like a river of chocolate."

The sides of Yasmina's mouth tighten in an attempt to keep her composure. It had now become a competition of who would make the other laugh first. "Your sinews are as strong as a young stags, as strong as steel and gold. My love, you are more handsome than the Tower of Babel."

Their friends are wheezing. "Not the Song of Songs!" Brooklynn wheezes, turning red as she falls back against Darius.

Kenji's mouth almost turns up in a smile. He had to step up his game. "Your breasts are like clusters of mangos from a pff-palm tree."

The two were barely holding back their laughter; the others rolling on the ground laughing didn't help. Yasmina's face was a little red from trying so hard not to laugh. The only chance she had was to take it even farther than him. "Your a** is like the badabing badaboom of a monkey's bongos—"

"BAAAA… HAHAHAHA!" Kenji loses it, flopping back on the hard concrete and wheezing.

Yasmina loses her composure a few seconds after him, unable to keep it up any longer. "I win!" she wheezes.

"What the?! Monkey's bongos?!" Kenji chortles.

"I don't know! I was trying to make you laugh!" Yasmina cackles.

"Well, at least y'all started laughin' before things went too far," Sammy says, chuckling. Her heart was not in it, though. She wished she could find it funny, but jealousy kept her from enjoying the comedy. The parapelgic wished she didn't have jealousy, but it was there.

As she watches her friends laugh and have a good time, she feels conflicted. On one hand, her anxiety told her to feel jealous. To worry about Kenji leaving her and falling in love with Yasmina. On the other hand, the logical side of her knew that the two saw each other like siblings. She felt guilty for being so jealous. Sammy didn't want to be one of those suspicious, nagging girlfriends who always distrusted their boyfriends. But a part of her felt sick to her stomach watching the two flirt, even if she knew it was completely comical with no romantic feelings behind it.

The fanart of Kenji and Yasmina kissing that Brooklynn showed her flashes through her mind, lingering for a bit to torture her. While visually stunning, it made Sammy's stomach turn in knots. Of course, anxiety took it a step further and imagined the two getting married and having kids… Cruelly, her own mind turns against her and she imagines Yasmina choosing her to be her Maid of Honor. Sammy tries to hold back tears as she imagines the wedding… The happy look on her friends faces as they say their vows… Then they would kiss…

Her stomach churned.

Her next anxiety-driven image was the group in the hospital; Yasmina would be in labor with her and Kenji's first child. Sammy was in the room with her, along with Brooklynn, Yasmina's mother and Kenji. Sammy faithfully stood along and encouraged her best friend as she gave birth. It would be a beautiful daughter with hair like Yasmina's and eyes like Kenji. Oh, the pain she would feel seeing the two fawning over their new daughter happily. Sammy would swallow her pain and smile and hold the child… It could've been hers, but no, she ended up being that friend… Like she always was…

"I will never be more than a good friend," doubt whispers. "I've always been the rebound friend… always will… I will never be worthy of a husband… Kenji will leave for someone better…"

"God says he will give us the desires of our hearts… I desire to be married with children some day…" Sammy reminds herself weakly.

"But is it really true?" doubt asks. "I thought that God promised me Kenji… and look how well that's turning out! God says to marry Christians, so how could he promise me Kenji?! I'm just desperate… I'm hurting his heart… How am I supposed to find my happily ever after if he's not Christian?!" … Yasmina, on the other hand, believes the same way as him… There is nothing stopping them…"

"No… They're like siblings!" Sammy protests fearfully. "They wouldn't get together… they would know how I feel and think it's mean… And they don't feel that way about each other."

"But what if I heard God wrong?" Doubt asks. "If the Bible says that I can't marry a non believer, then I must have heard him wrong. Or maybe it is wrong and he doesn't actually promise us the desires of our hearts… translation errors can occur, you know…"

"Have faith," a gentle voice says.

"No… No, I can't lose Kenji!" Sammy wails in her head. "God, no, don't let him leave! I love him! He's my best friend! I want to spend the rest of my life with him… Eternity with him! Lord, I want his soul saved… But he doesn't care… He doesn't believe in you…"

A pit of dread forms in her stomach. Feelings of fear and an intense sense of longing and anxiety well up. Sammy feels tears brimming in her eyes and she fights to keep them in. The other campers were there… The older brothers were playing basketball in the street until a car came. She didn't want to break in front of them. She didn't want to explain what was going on in her head. If she was honest with herself, she didn't want to feel these things. She didn't want to think about these issues. She would rather pretend everything was wonderful.

That didn't stop her from complaining to God in her head, though. "God, have I not been faithful? Why have you turned against me like this? Is this because of the Mantah Corp thing? Why have I been through so much?! Why do you torment me with the prospect of a husband, then tear him away and possibly take our friendship with it?! Why do you leave me paralyzed, unable to feel my le—"

"Oww!" she exclaims as a basketball slams into her shin, painfully reminding her that she could still feel things below her waist.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry!" Brandon apologizes, catching the basketball and giving her a side hug. "Uh, at least you can feel things!"

The others laugh as he races back to his friends in the yard. "What good is it if ya can't move em?" she mutters, cracking a bit and letting out one depressed thought.

Next to her, Brooklynn gags and hides her head in between her legs. "Nope, nope, I'm done. Not doing it, not doing it. Not gonna read it, nope."

"What?" Sammy asks.

"The next chapter has a smut warning," Brooklynn pretends to vomit.

"What's smut?" Sammy asks.

Brooklynn lifts her eyebrow in a teasing, knowing way. "Do you really wanna know?"

"No, no, I probably don't," she sighs.

The pinkette sighs, too. "So, how's your physical therapy going?"

"Um, good, good," Sammy lies, nodding.

"Yeah? Have you gained more mobility?" Brooklynn asks.

"Um, no… not really…" she murmurs.

"Does she have anything to help you regain muscle mass and nerve function?" her friend asks.

"She wants me to try water therapy…"

"Oh… Yeah, you might need mental therapy before trying that…"

"Exactly…"

"Well, can you at least feel things?"

Sammy sighs. "Yee, it's not numb like it used to be…"

"Haw. That's good," Brooklynn nods. "Well, at least there's some progress."

"Yeah… Definitely," Sammy says, forcing a smile.

Brooklynn stares at her. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Sammy says, her smile stretching thin.

"Is there something wrong with your therapy?" Brooklynn asks.

Sammy sighs silently. "I guess… It's a little frustrating how little progress has been made."

"It's still progress, though," the pinkette reminds her.

"Yeah…" the parapelgic murmurs.

"What's wrong?" Brooklynn asks, frowning.

"I just…" Sammy groans, knowing that if she said what was on her mind, they would have an… interesting conversation. "It's… a Christian thing."

"What's a Christian thing?" Brooklynn asks, a bit concerned.

"I… I just… I don't think I should continue with the therapy," she admits.

"W-what?" her friend blinks, very confused now. "Why?"

"I…"

"You said it yourself that the therapy is helping, even if it's not a lot of progress. Why would you stop?"

"Because I need to stand in faith…"

"What?"

Sammy groans again. "After coming back from the island, I was trying to do things on my own. I was arrogant and prideful and tried to take care of my problems on my own… Hiding them from you and the other campers and my family and God… I know I can't do things on my own. I need the Lord's help… God can give healing, so I'm standing in faith that he will heal me and I'm not gonna work for it on my own."

Brooklynn leans back against the garage door, trying to process what she had been told. "... What? Wait, I don't get it."

The cowgirl sputters in frustration. "The Lord can miraculously heal me, but he wants me to lean on him in faith. So I don't want to try to get healed on my own because I'm not trustin' in him then, right?"

"I… I guess…" the pinkette stutters. "But… when is this healing coming?"

"I don't know…" Sammy admits.

"So, you're going to stop slowly healing and wait for miraculous healing that could come whenever?" Brooklynn asks. "If it's so unfaithful to go to doctors for healing, why are your parents bringing you to one?"

"I never said doctors are ungodly," Sammy states.

"But you said that you're not standing in faith if you go to a doctor, so why is your family encouraging you to go to one?" Brooklynn points out. "And why are some of your family members doctors? If God can miraculously heal people, why would Christians become doctors?"

"Because they can let God's power flow through them and let God bring healing to others through them," Sammy explains.

"So, why isn't your therapist sent by God?" the pinkette asks. "Maybe your God is sending you to her to get healing through natural means?"

"I don't think that's what's happening…"

"Do you want to be healed?"

"Of course!"

"Then why would you stop going to therapy?"

"Because I need to stand on God's word!"

"But if it's okay to go to doctors and God can work through them—plus, it's actually working—why would you stop?!" Brooklynn protests.

"I don't know!" Sammy exclaims, letting her head flop back against the garage door in frustration. "I don't know… I don't know what I believe… I don't know what God wants for me anymore…"

Brooklynn smiles sympathetically. "Existential crisis, much?"

Sammy sighs. "I guess… I just… I'm kinda questionin' things after the island… Not God's existence, I still believe in him. And I still believe in Jesus's salvation… but faith and healin'... I don't know… I just…"

"Having a… fourth of the life life crisis?" Brooklynn suggests.

Sammy chuckles softly. "I guess…"

"I'd give you advice, but since we have two different world views, I don't think you'd take it," the pinkette shrugs.

"Yeah, probably not," the paraplegic chuckles. Shifting her position, she sighs. "Enough about me, how are you doin'?"

It's Brooklynns turn to feel tense. To her advantage, she was a better liar and had Sammy pretty convinced that she was doing better. "Pretty good." Knowing she had to come up with something to start a conversation, she says, "The channel is doing better. I think people are starting to simmer down after the Leah scandal…"

"My gosh, if my secret comes out, we'll have an even bigger scandal on our hands… I'll have a bigger scandal on MY hands… I don't want to drag you guys into this… You guys deserve better… You shouldn't have to think about my disgusting secret when you're literally questioning what you've believed your whole life… No, better to leave you guys out of this… But how do I break away for your own good…"

"That's good!" Sammy says delightfully. "Glad to see people realizin' yer innocent after what Leah did."

"You wouldn't feel that way if you knew…" the dark voices in Brooklynns head whisper. Visions of Sammy finding out what the girl was withholding from her come. The pinkette pictures her friends jaw dropping with horror. She'd cover her mouth with a gasp, standing there silently for a minute before asking if it was true. Brooklynn would have to confirm it was true. "No… no, you wouldn't!" Sammy would cry, tears slipping out as she stared with betrayal. "You wouldn't… how could you?! How could you do such a thing like that?!"

Brooklynns chest tightens at the vision.

In her imagination, Sammy would sigh. "I don't like it… I don't agree with it… But I still love ya, Brook."

Sammy's hypothetical forgiveness is worse than her betrayal. Brooklynns chest starts to feel like she was being strangled by a boa constrictor.

Sammy didn't notice and continued on. Brooklynn tries to push the vision out of her head and look happy. "I know it'll probably take a while before ya go back to your usual video format, but are ya still going to do it?"

"I don't know…" Brooklynn answers truthfully.

"Yee, it focused on facing fears… I mean, we all could use that, but I don't think you wanna do that just yet," Sammy says.

"Maybe it would be good," the pinkette shrugs. "Darius doesn't think so, though. One of his biggest problems with my possible colab is that it might cause a flashback."

"What's the colab again?" Sammy asks. "I didn't quite understand you two when y'all came in hollerin' over each other Friday."

"There's a psychologist Youtuber I vaguely know," Brooklynn explains. "He reviews movies and shows and whatnot from a therapist's perspective. He wants to do that with survival shows and PTSD, and thought I could join in and rate how accurate Hollywood is when it comes to that content."

"Ah, yeah, I can see why Darius would be worried," Sammy nods. "Be careful. You don't wanna stress yourself out too much with this."

"Yeah, I don't think it will be too bad," Brooklynn shrugs. "I mean, how accurate will most of the clips be?"

"True," the parapelgic grins. "So… what was it about a crush?"

Brooklynn blushes. "W-what?"

"Darius was goin' on about how you had a crush or somethin'," Sammy explains.

Brooklynn groans with exasperation. "For the last time, I don't have a crush on him! He's thirty-eight! He's got a wife and kids! I don't feel anything for this Youtuber!"

Sammy starts snorting like a horse. "Oh my lawd, Darius is really becomin' paranoid, ain't he?"

"For real!" Brooklynn exclaims.

"I think he likes you," Sammy says teasingly, grinning.

"As a friend!" Brooklynn blushes.

"Really?" Sammy smirks. "Hey, Darius!"

"What are you doing?!" Brooklynn hisses.

"Yeah?" Darius blinks at the parapelgic.

"How would you react if Kenji and Brooklynn started datin'?" the cowgirl asks.

Darius stares at her in disbelief, trying to decide if he should question her, describe his reaction, or go full theater kid and act it out. He decides on the third option. "JOHN CENA!" he shouts, tackling a confused Kenji from behind.

"Dude, what the f…" Kenji startles, refraining from finishing his sentence.

"How dare you date Brooklynn?!" Darius exclaims, trying to act angry, but smiling nonetheless.

"What?! I'm not!" Kenji protests.

"Ben! We've found the perfect sacrifice for our ritual," Darius says.

Ben looks confused, but plays along. "Sure?"

"It's our ritual of liberating Brooklynn from his tyrannical hand," Darius states dramatically, turning to Kenji with a glare.

"I'm not dating her!" the alpha male insists, slightly intimidated by his friend.

"Ooh, sacrificial rituals? And Kenji's the sacrifice? I'm in," Yasmina grins from the hood of the car.

"Hey!" Kenji protests.

"Oh, yes, we need to liberate Brooklynn," Ben laughs.

"Hey, guys! You wanna liberate Brooklynn and sacrifice Kenji?!" Darius calls to the older brothers.

"All I heard is sacrifice Kenji and I'm in," Milton immediately answers.

"Eh, why not?" Ghaleb shrugs.

"Eyyyy, let's save Brooklynn!" Brandon exclaims with a laugh, playing along with the act.

"Why do most of you sound serious about this?!" Kenji asks, his face looking panicked. He laughs to attempt to hide his fear and betrayed feelings, but Sammy notices that he seemed genuinely hurt by their actions.

"Get Kenji!" Darius exclaims, trying to tackle his friend.

The alpha male darts away, running through the yard as he tries to escape the onslaught of friends trying to grab him. Brooklynn and Sammy weren't sure if they imagined it, but he looked like he was genuinely trying to escape out of fear.

Naturally, Ghaleb catches him and tackles him to the ground, using his strength and weight to his advantage. The others dogpile on Kenji, before he hollers at them to get off. "Alright! Y'all wanna explain why you're treating me like I'm actually dating her?!" He sounded like he was actually angry, which was unusual for the usual jokester.

"Heheh, sorry, thought you were the fanfiction Kenji," Darius grins, kidding around.

"All right, y'all, leave him alone," Sammy steps in metaphorically speaking. "I was just askin' hypothetically."

"Don't tell me you guys think that would actually happen?!" Kenji asks accusatively.

"Nah, we're messing around with you," Yasmina smirks.

Kenji rolls his eyes, getting up and dusting himself off.

"Yeah, I don't think Darius sees you as just a friend," Sammy says quietly, wagging her eyebrows at Brooklynn.

Brooklynn feels fear at the idea that Darius would feel that way about her. She already felt guilty about being his friend… Romance would take her guilt to a whole 'nother level. "He deserves so much better!" Guilt wails, stuck in its perpetual cycle of self blame. "How can I say I love him, then lead him on? He deserves someone better than me… How can he possibly deserve someone like me?!"

Half thoughts of fear and guilt float through her head as she feels a chill run up her spine. "He's such a good guy… He deserves better… I am not worthy… I'm leading Darius on… The past repeats itself… I'm a horrible friend… sooner or later I'll hurt him… I'll disappoint him… My secret… I'm such a traitor!"

"Brooklynn?" Sammy says, snapping her friend out of her thoughts.

"Huh? Sorry, what?" Brooklynn blinks.

Sammy smiles. "You okay?" She grins teasingly. "Thinking about Darius?"

The pinkettes anxiety spikes. "No!"

"I'm just messin' with ya," Sammy laughs. "I'm just sayin', you two would be cute together."

"No! W-we're just friends!" Brooklynn insists quickly.

"Yeah, I know," the paraplegic nods. "But if Darius returned yer feelings, would you be something more?"

"N-no," the pinkette stutters. "We're just friends. Besides, he's only twelve. I'd be a sex offender."

"Only if you two… slept together," Sammy pauses uncomfortably. "But yeah, probably better to not date right now. Still, yer actin' like you don't have any feelings for him."

"I… I don't," she stutters. "We're just friends."

"But back on the island, you had a crush on him and confessed your feelings," Sammy frowns.

"It was a crush," Brooklynn insists. "Infatuation… he's a good friend and I value his friendship…" "Maybe if I convince them that I don't have those feelings towards him, I can at least protect him in some way…" she thinks. Wanting to get off this subject, she tries to maneuver their conversation away from her and Darius. "I don't want to ruin our friendship… like Ben and Yaz."

"You think they ruined their friendship? How?" Sammy asks, easily distracted.

"I mean, I don't know," the pinkette shrugs. "They've both been acting strange around each other… and then Yaz started to crush on him… and now they've been acting strange about the pedo laws…"

"I'm not sure what to think now," the parapelgic sighs.

"When Yaz and Ben were panicking, I started to wonder if they had had sex…" Brooklynn admits.

"What?! No!" Sammy sputters. "Yaz just started having a crush on Ben. Even if they were datin', I can't see them doing that. Yaz is too adverse to romance."

"Yeah, but why were they so panicked?" Brooklynn asks. "Especially about those laws?"

"I don't know…" Sammy murmurs.

Brooklynn thinks for a moment, then snaps her head up. "Wait! Did you see how she reacted to Kenji?"

"You mean wanting to sacrifice him in a ritual for you?" Sammy frowns.

"No, after her flashback," Brooklynn says, an idea starting to form. "She didn't want him to hug her."

"... And?" Sammy asks, not following.

"What if this is PTSD from her trauma?" the pinkette suggests. "What if she's been struggling with flashbacks to that time, and it's made her uncomfortable around other people? Ben has a crush on her and she knows it. What if, when she has a flashback, she feels uncomfortable around him and wants to avoid him?!"

The cowgirls eyes widen. "Ohh! That makes a lot of sense! Then Ben feels awkward around her because he doesn't know how to comfort her or act around her!"

"What?" Rio asks, riding on Kenji's back as he approaches the two.

"We think Yaz is avoiding Ben because she's having flashbacks to her… you know, childhood trauma," Brooklynn explains, omitting the explanation on what the trauma is for Rio's sake.

"And then Ben feels uncomfortable around her cause he doesn't know what to do!" Sammy adds.

Rio's face turns to something unreadable while Kenji frowns. "I guess… Maybe that's it."

"It makes perfect sense!" Sammy says. "That would explain why they're fine sometimes and awkward other times!"

"Yeah…" Kenji says. Under his breath, he mumbles, "Doesn't explain Ben's reaction when I talked to him Friday, though…"

Rio looks between the three of them. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing," the three answer, preferring not to burst her more innocent bubble.

"Did you even brush your teeth?" Brooklynn asks as Darius closes the bedroom door.

"Yeah," he frowns.

"That was really quick," she comments as he sits on his side of his bed.

"Well, I did," he insists.

"Did you brush them well?" she asks.

In response, he leans in her face and breathes out aggressively.

"Ew!" Brooklynn laughs. "Bad breath!"

Darius tries to smell his breath. "It's not that bad."

"You smell like a dino," she giggles.

"Rawr!" Darius exclaims, tackling her and trying to breathe in her face again.

Shrieking ensues as Brooklynn tries to escape his hold on her. "Dude! Disgusting!" she laughs, gagging. "Glad we're not dating! You better not kiss me!"

The boy falls back on the bed, wheezing. Brooklynn laughs with him, but her anxiety was spiking again. "I'm serious, and it's not just about the breath… Stay away from me… Stay far away… For your own sake…"

"So, if we ever dated, I just need to eat a big helping of garlic to mess with you," Darius teases.

"He's not panicking at the idea of romance… he's warming up to it… Oh God, no!" Brooklynn gulps.

Trying to change the subject with the first thing that came to mind, she says, "I agreed to the collaboration with Mike. He said April fifth will work for a meeting."

Big mistake.

Darius' goofy demeanor becomes serious in an instant. "This is the guy who was interested—" he puts emphasis on the word with a certain contempt, "in doing a video with you, right?"

"Yeah," Brooklynn nods, knowing she screwed up mentioning that.

"So, you've already agreed to collaborate with him?" Darius raises an eyebrow. "Without talking to me?" his face seemed to add.

Brooklynn feels offended by his attitude. It was the attitude of disappointment a parent would give their child when they didn't listen. He was treating her like a child! He was acting like she couldn't make rational, good decisions on her own and he needed to make them for her.

A bit of anger rises up in her. "I've been making videos and collaborations for years before you came along. I think I can handle this one."

"Yeah, you worked with Leah," Darius retorts, then bites his lip, realizing that was a bit harsh.

"You don't trust me to handle myself out there on the Internet, don't you!" she replies hotly.

"I don't trust other people on the Internet," he says seriously.

"And you don't trust me to be discerning, right?" she prompts.

He refuses to answer. "Your past company over the Internet has been sketchy, or downright horrible. I'd just like to meet the guy before you agree to it."

"He was one of the Youtubers on my side when Leah attacked me!" she protests. "He's a good guy, there's no need for you to meet him."

"Why don't you want me to meet him?" Darius asks accusatively.

"I don't have a problem with you meeting him, I have a problem with you keeping me from collaborating with him before meeting him!" she exclaims. "Not everyone out there is a Leah."

"I don't have much faith in people," Darius admits emotionlessly. "Not in the government. Not on the Internet. Not in those who run parks. Not in the school system."

"Or anyone else," she sighs. "You basically don't trust anyone but me and the other campers."

"Not true," he protests. "I trust my family. I trust the Gutierrez's. I trust the Fadoula's and the Pincus's. I trust Roxie and Dave."

"You don't trust my family or Kenji's father?"

"They have a history of abandonment, neglect, and bullying."

"They're making up for it…"

"Really? Well, they're gonna have to work harder before I trust them. I don't trust your parents to stay supportive after you feel better. I don't trust Milton to be nice and caring. I don't really trust that Mr. Kon will not just disappear in his work again."

Brooklynn blinks in surprise. "You're really overprotective…"

"No," he shakes his head. "Protective, not overprotective."

"Yes, very overprotective," Brooklynn insists.

"No, I'm the perfect amount of protective," Darius argues.

"You don't trust my own family!" she states.

"Have they given me a reason to trust you with them?" he spits. "They neglected you and deprived you of love and attention for years! Milton either ignored your existence or bullied you! Oh yeah, good for them for stepping up and paying attention to you when you came back from the island. Great job trying to be nice to you and make sure you don't kill yourself. Are they supposed to receive a medal for coming together to help you now?"

"They're trying their best…" Brooklynn murmurs, even though she still held bile against her family.

"Now," Darius tschs. "Now because all of the sudden, you're in the spotlight. People are focusing on you now more than ever before. You have PTSD and trauma and injuries now. If they were to treat you how they always did, the public would notice and call them out. I think this is more pressure from the public and the other families than a true change of heart."

Brooklynn lays on her side under the covers and stares at him through the dark, shocked that he felt this strongly about her family.

"Milton's shown some change, but he's still a jerk and he hates the rest of us," he argues. "Seems to me like he just feels mad at himself for not being a good big brother and wants to push the rest of us away out of jealousy. Wants to be the one you go to. Basically wants to be what Ghaleb was to Yaz."

"Doesn't that show he's changed?" she whispers, slipping her left hand around his wrist.

"Perhaps," he shrugs. "But he's still trying to push away the people you care about the most out of his own jealousy. Still not good, no matter where his heart is. And how about your Dad? Where is he? Haven't seen him around too often."

Brooklynn looks at the sheet, absentmindedly rubbing his wrist with her thumb. He had a point… Her father had been supportive and there for the first couple weeks, but now that he had work again… His attention on her was beginning to disappear again…

"The dude seems to have already abandoned you," Darius scoffs. "And you wonder why I don't trust your family to take care of you."

Brooklynn stares at his wrist in her hands. She could feel his pulse… His heart was beating faster than it should've been. Was it from anger or fear?

Darius takes her silence as something bad and sighs. "I guess I should give your Mom a little credit… She seems to have genuinely changed, at least a little bit. She's been there for you pretty often… And her rules to protect you from suicide seem pretty effective… I guess… I just don't trust them. It'll take a lot more time and effort on their parts to change my mind. I'm not going to let my guard down and trust them with you yet. They'll need to have a cleaner record before they earn my trust."

"You're overprotective," she again insists, feeling bad about causing so much stress in him.

"Not overprotective," he sighs exasperatedly.

"Yes! Yes you are!" she raises her voice. "You're treating everyone who you don't know well or don't trust as if they're a dinosaur!"

"Is that a bad thing?!" he asks, tearing his wrist out of her grasp.

She scoffs in surprise. Did he seriously just ask her that?! "Of course, it's a bad thing! Not everyone is a danger!"

"I'd rather think of everyone as a danger from the beginning until they earn my trust than be trusting and have that trust betrayed," he says emotionlessly.

"And this is why I say you're overprotective!" she groans.

"I'm not overprotective!" he snaps. "I'm looking out for you because I care!"

"You're convinced I have a crush on Mike and assume he's going to abuse me!" she protests.

"You haven't given me reason to believe otherwise with either of those statements!" he insists.

Brooklynn laughs incredulously. He was not going to let that go anytime soon. "He's thirty-eight, for crying out loud! He's got a wife and kids, Darius!"

"Oh," he says, chuckling. "I guess you wouldn't have a crush on him, then."

"Thank you," she sighs.

"I still don't trust him," he reminds her.

Brooklynn groans. "Are you just going to assume any guy who talks to me has bad intentions?"

"Yes, for the most part," he says, deadpan.

"And you don't think that's a little ridiculous and overprotective?" she asks.

"I'm not overprotective!" he barks, sitting up in bed.

"You start fights at school if someone even looks at me!" she reminds him, sitting up as well.

"They need to know not to mess with you," Darius shrugs.

"The Principal and teachers would handle them," she reminds him.

He tschs. "Would they? The school administrations are horrible. Their bullying programs are awful at preventing or dealing with bullies. Have you seen the things that fly in school? Sure, there's good teachers and principals, but on the whole, the school systems suck."

"I agree with that statement, but you don't have to worry about protecting me all the time," she insists, taking his hand in hers. "We're not in immediate danger."

His expression showed that he didn't believe the statement one bit.

Frustrated and losing hope of convincing him that she was safe, Brooklynn sighs and lays back down, turning her back towards him. He stayed sitting up, and she could feel Darius staring at her.

Brooklynn wondered what he was thinking, but her own thoughts and feelings were posing a problem. On one hand, she was flattered that he felt this strongly about him. She had never been one to want to be the damsel in distress… But now, everytime he growled at someone else or picked a fight for her, a part of her thought it was dreamy. Brooklynn was no Wonder Woman by any stretch of the imagination, but she wasn't submissive and faint of heart, either… She was somewhere in between. The young girl had a more defiant personality. A do-it-myself type of girl. As a kid, she would always say she didn't need a man… while dreaming of Prince Charming.

But since meeting Darius, that strong-girl demeanor had changed, slightly. Now, a part of her wanted him to save her… A part of her wanted him to sweep her off her feet like Superman. A part of her felt like she would faint when he became protective. Her heart began to beat faster everytime he touched her in a protective way… It was beginning to flutter whenever he touched her in general.

Darius was such a good guy… Way more mature than his physical age mentally, while simultaneously acting like a child. He could lead the group through harrowing situations and life-or-death moments, then act like an innocent cinnamon roll. He could put his life at risk for the good of the group, then blush embarrassedly at the mention of romance. Brooklynn thought he was the perfect balance of cute and heroic.

Guilt grips her chest like iron clamps. "Remember what you've done!" it shouts. "Remember how despicable you are, Brooklynn! Darius deserves so much better… I can't be falling in love with him! What if he likes me back?! He doesn't deserve me! He deserves so much better! I'm so unworthy!"

"Oh, God, why can't I stop these feelings!" she wails in her head. "Stop it, Brooklynn! Stop falling for him! You can't love him! You're a selfish, selfish person for wanting him! How can you claim to love Darius, then desire to be with him!"

"You know he deserves someone better!" guilt chimes in. "I'm so tainted compared to him… If he wants to fall in love with someone, it shouldn't be me…"

"I'm sorry if I seem too protective," Darius speaks. "I just… I really care about you."

Brooklynn's breath hitches silently as he lays back down and moves closer to her. He puts his right hand on her shoulder. "I want you to be safe and happy. And… you've already been taken advantage of by other people."

Brooklynn's chest constricts even more.

"Between what Leah did and how your parents have treated you, I…" he sighs. "I hate seeing you struggle with these feelings, and I… I want to protect you from any more abuse. And I'm not going to trust people with you more than I have to. Unless they've proven themselves."

He moves forward, slides his left arm under the pillow and gently pulls her into an embrace. Brooklynn's emotions go haywire. "He's just a friend! Just a friend!" she reminds herself, feeling his warmth pressed up against her back. "He's nothing more than just a friend! Friends can spoon, right?! He's not thinking about you in any romantic way, Brooklynn! He wants to protect you, AS. A. FRIEND!"

Brooklynn becomes acutely aware of the fact that his right arm was draped over hers… and how if he moved a couple inches closer to her, his touch could be… romantic.

"No, don't think about that! We're FRIENDS! Stop thinking about him differently, Brooklynn! You guys are nothing more than friends!"

"We shouldn't even be friends!" guilt wailed. "I should cut him out of my life if I love him!"

"What if he loves me?" worry makes her begin to tremble. "What if I'm leading him on?! He can't fall in love with me!"

"Maybe he already has… Maybe that's why he's so overprotective…"

"He can't fall in love with me," she thinks determinedly. "He deserves someone better… But he doesn't know that… I'm the only one who seems to realize that…"

"What if I found someone better for him to love… What if when he meets her, he falls head over heels and forgets about me… It would be perfect… He'd find someone better, someone he deserves, and forget about me… All of them care about me… But what if I found someone better… Someone for Darius to love… Someone to be Yaz and Kenji's younger sister… They'd be better off and they could forget about me… Making my death less painful for them…"

Somehow, the thought was both relieving and horrifying at the same time.

"Brook?" Darius asks, sitting up slightly. "Are you okay? You're breathing heavily."

Brooklynn realizes she's beginning to hyperventilate. She forces herself to take in a shaky, deep breath. "I'm fine," she insists.

"Are you sure?"

"... I think I'm having an anxiety attack…"

"It's okay." Darius wraps his right arm around her stomach and gently pulls her closer.

Brooklynn felt so close to him that he felt like he was a part of her. What should've been a happy daydream painfully pops up: her and Darius snuggling in bed as married adults. As giddy as it made her feel, she pushes the thought away; it made her feel more guilt than happiness.

"Imagine we're back on the island, cuddling with the others in a sleep pile," Darius murmurs, almost reading her mind.

Brooklynn takes his suggestion and remembers the past instead of envisioning the future. The trembling brought on by guilt is subdued and she starts to feel better.

Almost.

"Howdy, Samantha," Mrs. Vetrovs says sweetly, crossing her right leg over her left in her chair.

Sammy smiles. "Hi… You can call me Sammy. It's what all my friends and family call me."

Miss Anita smiles. "Do you already see me as a friend?"

The parapelgic laughs. "I open up quickly… But I think now it takes a lot longer to get deep… It's like I'll open up a lot to the world… but it takes a while to get down to the deepest layers… Or maybe it doesn't take a while, and I'm just used to people not caring to dig deeper."

Sammy bites her lip instinctively.

"No, no, it's okay," the therapist says. "You don't have to feel self-conscious about sharing these things. That's what we're here to do: get through your trauma and issues. Share what you feel comfortable sharing."

Sammy nods, knowing that would be a hurdle to get over.

"Well, I have a couple questions I always wanna ask, but we can push those off for now and talk casually if you want. Or we can dive right into the deep stuff."

"I think I'd like to talk casually for a bit," Sammy says. "Git to know each other a little bit."

"Alright, do you have any siblings?" Miss Anita asks.

Sammy laughs. "Five. Two older sisters and three younger sisters."

"Oh my, sounds like you know chaos very well," the therapist laughs.

"You could say that," the parapelgic nods. "I live on a ranch with my Mamà, Papà, five sisters and Abuela. My Aunt and Uncle—one of them, al menos—lives in another house on the ranch, too. We got a ton of critters and horses and cattle, so chaos is like my second apellido—er, last name. Sorry, I slip into Spanish when talkin' about my home life if I'm not careful."

"It's okay," Miss Anita laughs. "You're bilingual, huh?"

"Yeah," she shrugs. "Both sides speak Spanish, but it's more on my Papà's side."

"I've always wanted to be bilingual in some language, but never had the time or patience to learn it," the therapist says.

"Yee, I've just grown up learnin' two languages," she grins. "As a kid, I'd mess the two up. Doesn't help that I'm dyslexic and mix up words, anyway."

"Yeah, sounds like that would cause issues," Mrs. Vetrovs nods. "What does your family do with the ranch?"

"Well, we mostly sell meat," she explains. "The beef cattle are our biggest source of income, but we also sell milk and dairy products. We're also sort of conjoined with my granduncle's rodeo business. Me and my sisters grew up trick riding and whatnot. I was one of the best shots on horseback in the rodeo."

"That's really impressive," Miss Anita whistles. "I think I've seen one of the shows before. Cesario's Rodeo Show, right?"

"Yee," the paraplegic nods.

"Y'all had some pretty cool tricks and stunts," the therapist says.

"It definitely helped give me an advantage on the island," Sammy admits. "The herbivores acted pretty similar to cattle, and I even raised a baby Triceratops. She became my ride… She was quite feisty, and that's where trick riding came in handy."

Sammy chuckles. "Cookin' all the time at home also came in handy. Even the fact that we sold beef cattle meat to people—with Jurassic World being one of our bigger clients—came in handy as an excuse for why I was at the camp."

"Why were you really there?" Miss Anita asks.

Sammy gulps and lowers her head, not wanting to disclose why she was really there.

"Do you want to continue with home life or move onto deeper subjects?" the therapist asks.

"Uhhhh, I guess move on to the questions," the cowgirl murmurs, suddenly wanting to hide away and forget everything that happened to her. But this was her therapy session, so she had to get it over and done with.

"Okay, have you attended therapy in the past?" Miss Anita asks.

"Nope," Sammy chuckles.

"I guess we've sort of covered this, but how's your home life?" Mrs. Vetrovs asks.

"Chaotic," Sammy chuckles. "No abuse or anything. My parents are extremely loving and caring. My Abuela is awesome. My uncles and aunts act like second families to me. Super protective and caring. My sisters were my best friends throughout my life. We've… been through hardships, and sometimes there've been trials, but we've always gotten through and stuck together."

"Sounds like a pretty good home life," the therapist smiles.

Sammy nods. "Do you get a lot of people who come from bad homes?"

"I'd say it's fifty, fifty," Miss Anita shrugs. "I deal with more abuse survivors. A lot come from abusive homes, but there's also a lot of people from abusive relationships with boyfriends or friends in there, too. Also kidnapped survivors."

"What made you wanna switch over to Jurassic World survivors?" Sammy asks.

"Well, after the incident, a program/website was started up," Mrs. Vetrovs explains. "If the incident's survivors wanted a therapist in their area, they would put out a request, and the website would locate one in their area. You could sign up and offer your services to those who might be in your area. I know you could just find a therapist anywhere, but I guess they wanted to make it easier for survivors to locate one willing to take them on."

"I think that's how my parents and the others found you," Sammy says. "Do you have any other survivors?"

"Two others, besides you and your friends," the therapist says.

Sammy nods.

"Do you have any mental health issues in your family's history?" she continues.

"Um… Not that I know of…" the parapelgic chews on her lip. "I mean, I think my Uncle Ces has Dementia, but does that count?"

Mrs. Vetrovs laughs. "I'll keep that in mind."

"I don't think we have any serious mental health issues," Sammy frowns. "I know my younger sister has anxiety… And my Papà and his brothers lost their Dad at a young age, so maybe that affected them in some way… I don't think anyone's been depressed or suicidal. No bipolar or schizophrenia. I know I have Autistic family members… Well, maybe Holly, my older sister, was depressed a bit… She tends to hold her feelings inside and hide them away from me, so maybe she was depressed at one point…"

Miss Anita nods. "Do you have a history of self-harm or suicidal idealations?"

Sammy shakes her head. "Once in a while, I've thought about, um… controlling my diet… but I stop myself cause I don't want my younger sisters to fall into the same habits."

"Okay, almost fallen into an eating disorder," the therapist nods, scribbling quickly. "And last thing I want to ask is what are your symptoms and what do you hope to get out of therapy."

Sammy inhales nervously. Oh, the dreaded question. The time where she had to bare her soul and speak of her issues. It wasn't that she didn't trust Miss Anita—if trust was the issue, her friends would know all about her struggles—she just didn't want to think about her problems. She didn't want to get choked up with the emotion that came with it.

"Um… I guess I wanna get over the trauma from the island… Anxiety, flashbacks, the works…"

"Any trauma in particular, or are you anxious and traumatized in general?"

"I guess… My main flashbacks stem from a couple particular events… Particularly my two instances of drownin' and then seeing Yaz almost die in the water… I never had a fear of water, but I never learned how to swim, either… The torture ties into the drownin'... But that brings on its own set of flashbacks… Every now and then I can feel them grabbing me… I can still see his cold eyes in my sleep…"

Sammy looks up and sees Miss Anita frowning in confusion. She feels the need to explain and begins to ramble. "A bad Corp came to the island, wantin' information and dinos. I was actually working for them, that's why I was there…. BUT I wouldn't give then anythang they asked for, so they tried to torture it out of me. One of those ways was by slicing my face. That's where these scars are from."

She gestures to the scars on her cheek and continues. "The first two guards I came across didn't have any idea what they were doin' there and wanted to help me. Then the leader, Mitch, came into the tent and started trying to get me to talk. He threatened to leave me and the others on the island if I didn't talk… the guards, David and Shan, tried to save me… They told me to run… They both got shot… It's my fault…"

Once the words slipped out, Sammy had a hard time stopping them. "After there was no one left to stick up for me, Mitch and his wife, Tiff, started torturin' me… At first it was knives and… him gettin' too close… But then Tiff, the psychopath, figured out I was scared of water and dunked my head…"

She shudders.

"Head in a barrel… She kept on until I talked… I've never known a woman so cold blooded… I hadn't done anything to them… The only reason I was working for them was because they loaned us some money, told us we could pay them back in this amount of time, then shortened the time and demanded the money. They threatened to force us into bankruptcy unless me or my sister, Rio, stole from Jurassic World and spied on them… I went against my family's wishes and agreed to it… They were the crooks, but they acted like I was the one in the wrong for not givin' over what I learned… And then tortured me for not cooperatin'..."

Sammy blinks back tears. "The water was the worst… Not even a day before, I had almost drowned in the river… I blacked out… If it weren't for my friend, Kenji, I wouldn't be here… Since then, I can't get over my fear of water… Showers are Hell… And I can't stand the idea of my friends in the water, either… Yaz lost her leg in the same river, so that's one more traumatic event surrounding water… I'm just scared of losing my friends in general…"

She wipes away her tears, lip trembling. "There were so many times they almost died, I… I hate to think about it… They… They… They mean the world to me. Them and my family. Sometimes I have nightmares about losing them… Not just in the water… Not just to death, either. My sisters were the only close friends I have consistently had before these guys… At school, not many people cared to dig deeper and get to know me… Sure, I had a good group of friends, but I guess you could say I was the strong one… I was the 'Mom friend'... I was the one comforting them and helpin' them through their problems… Not that they didn't try to help me, but sometimes it felt like I was only good for emotional support… Sometimes it felt like I didn't have anyone but my family to lean on… I felt like if I opened up about something I was struggling with, I got weird looks… It just felt like I had to be the strong one… the one everyone comes to with their problems…"

She sighs sharply, lost in her train wreck of emotions. "Sometimes I just wish I could be vulnerable with my friends and have them comfort me, instead of the other way around! I do enjoy being there for them and take joy in seeing them heal and get better, but I want to be on the other side, too! That's why I'm so thankful for my camp amigos… They listen when I open up and return what I do for them… They're all so especial, and I'm so afraid of losing them… I think sometimes I fear opening up mucho and pushing them away… Especially Kenji, my unofficial novio… We both want to get married in the future, but I'm not allowed to date until dieciocho… I've got a long list of boys who have said that they would wait until I'm older, then find someone else… someone more 'especial'... I'm scared he'll leave me like all the others. So scared that sometimes I get celoso! I was jealous of Yaz the other day, even when SABER son como hermanos! (I KNOW they are like siblings!) I hate having jealousy, but I'm so scared he'll abandonar…"

The rambling was impossible to stop. "It doesn't help that he's not a Christian, so now me encuentro luchando con saber qué hacer… (I find myself struggling with knowing what to do…) I know God says not to marry a non-believer, but I'm seguro he said that Kenji was the one… Entonces bueno no sé qué hacer… (So, now I don't know what to do…) What do I listen to? I don't wanna break his el corazón, and I don't wanna give him up, but… My faith has been waverin' lately… La odio! (I hate it!) I used to be such a strong Christian as a kid, what went wrong?! Why am I feeling la duda?! (doubt) Why am I questioning the Word?! I know God could heal me, but why am I scared that él no?! (he won't?!) Why am I scared of failure?! Why am I scared to walk de nuevo?! (again?!) Why can't I…"

Sammy covers her face with her hands and sobs, trying to reign herself in after her outburst. She was feeling a little overwhelmed by her emotions, too. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry… Sorry…"

"Sammy, you don't have to apologize for letting it out," Mrs. Vetrovs reminds her. "You don't have to be strong for me, okay? That's not what we are here for."

Sammy chuckles bitterly. "You actually got something out of that ramble?"

"More or less," the therapist chuckles, offering a box of tissues.

Sammy takes one gratefully. "Have fun deciphering that mess… Kinda got lost in my storm of emotions… I don't think it was all English…"

"I'll go over it and try to translate," Miss Anita chuckles, stopping the sound recording on her little device.

Sammy chuckles. "You were recordin'?"

"Only for the purpose of writing it down, later," Mrs. Vetrovs assures her. "Sometimes patients talk faster than I can write. If you want it deleted, I can do that."

"It's okay…" Sammy murmurs, letting out a shaky sigh.

"Does it feel better to let that all out?" the therapist asks.

"A bit," she sniffs. "I… I don't like to think about all of that… I don't like negative emotions… would rather avoid my feelin's… Plus, I don't know if I should bring up my faith and whatnot…"

"What faith would that be?" Miss Anita asks.

"Waverin', right now," Sammy says bitterly. "Christian."

"Methodist? Baptist?" she starts suggesting.

"Uhhh… Non denominational, I think," Sammy says. "Leaning more towards Pentecostal? I don't know, me and my family just read the Bible and go to church. I'm not sure what the difference between all the different denominations are."

Her therapist chuckles. "Same for me. Are you uncomfortable sharing your faith, or worried that I would lead you astray?"

"Um…" Sammy bites her lip. "I guess… I don't want to feel like a burden… I feel like I have to stay positive and be the strong one… I'm praying that my friends will change, so I don't want to show my doubts…"

"You're not a burden," Miss Anita assures her. "The reason you're here is to work through these internal challenges. Knowing them and admitting them is half the battle. You don't have to hide them."

Sammy wipes her nose with the tissue and crosses her arms vulnerably.

"Do you want to talk about your doubts in faith?" Mrs. Vetrovs asks. "That was when you switched to Spanish the most."

Sammy sniffs, amused. "I guess… The thing—er, two things—I'm struggling with the most is faith related to healin' and what to do with Kenji…"

"Do you want to talk about it?" the therapist asks, her pen scratching on the paper.

"I…" the parapelgic sputters. She didn't really want to talk about it, but she had already broken the dam… Might as well let out a little more before she sealed it back up. Begrudgingly, she sighs. "I just… I had had a crush on Kenji for a while on the island… I kept my feelings to myself cause I didn't want to ruin our friendship or have my hopes lifted only for them to be crushed… And then he confessed how much I meant to him and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me… I was still hesitant then… I didn't want to go through the process of agreein' to be married in the future and then watching him find someone better… I wanted guidance from God… and then the next mornin', Darius told me about a dream he had… It… It was about a family tradition we have… I'd never told any of them… I don't know how he knew… I took it as a sign that Kenji and I were meant to be… And then Kenji was the first guy ever approved to date me… My parents know he's not Christian, so I took that as a sign from God, too… But now there's discord between us… In an argument, I brought up how Christians marry Christians… And now it's put a riff between us… I've pushed discussing it off… I don't want to think about it… Cause I don't know what to do… How could he be approved when the Bible says we can't be together?"

Miss Anita nods, formulating an answer. "I'd say talk to your parents. If you're confused on why they made that decision, talk to them. They sound like good people, and if you have a problem, talking about it is the best, mature thing to do."

Sammy nods, disliking the idea. She hated confrontation.

"Second, I would talk to Kenji about this," the therapist advises. "He's involved in this, too, right now. I'm sure he's feeling just as confused and hurt as you are. I think it would be best to talk to him about it. Even if you just say, 'Look, I'm trying to figure myself out right now, and I think it would be best to take a step back. We can still be friends, but I need to figure out some things inside me.' I know you want to push back this discussion, but it will have to come at some point. You brought it up. It would've been brought up eventually, I think, but either way, it's been brought up. You can't ignore it forever. It will have to be addressed eventually. Maybe it would be better to address it now and let things heal sooner than later."

Sammy winces; she disliked that advice even more.

"And most importantly, talk to God," Mrs. Vetrovs says. "Seek his guidance in this situation. In every situation. The Lord knows the end from the beginning. He has great plans for you. Trust that he will guide you if you give him the chance to."

"But how?! How do I let him guide me?!" Sammy wails in her head. "His voice isn't as strong anymore! I can't hear him! I can't hear him…"

"What was the other struggle? Healing?" Miss Anita asks.

"Yeah…" Sammy murmurs. "I got thrown into a tree on the island… It injured my spine enough to paralyze me… The doctor's said I had the potential to heal and regain my mobility… But it's coming so slow… I can feel things a lot better now… But I can't move my legs yet… I just… Sometimes I feel so hopeless… Sometimes I feel like I won't ever get healed… Sometimes I wonder if God doesn't want me to be healed… I just… Sometimes I'm scared I'll never walk again… And sometimes I'm scared to walk again… What if I fall? What if…"

Miss Anita waits a few minutes before speaking. "Sammy, I believe it is always God's will to heal you… I'm not sure when or where, but I believe he'll heal you. And you said that you've regained feeling, so there's progress! Don't lose faith, Sammy. It's coming. I understand it's not coming as fast as you would like it, but there's progress."

Sammy stares at her hands, a single tear slipping down her cheek.

"Your goal right now is to walk," Mrs. Vetrovs says. "And it feels miles away, doesn't it?"

She nods.

"Try setting smaller goals. For example, set a goal to be able to feel as much as you could before. Then once you've reached that, set a goal to be able to twitch a muscle. Then move a toe and so on. Try setting smaller, more attainable goals to reach. It'll feel like an accomplishment when you do reach them, and you won't feel as discouraged. It's easier to reach twitching a muscle than walking like you normally would. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Remember the progress you've made and where you were when you feel discouraged, okay?"

Sammy nods numbly.

"Try to dream again," her therapist suggests. "It sounds like you've lost hope and faith. Try dreaming again."

"I do dream… They're nightmares…"

"That's not the dreams I'm talking about. When I say dreaming, I mean envisioning. Try to see yourself the way you want to. Change the way you see yourself. It's really hard to get better when all you picture is the sick you. What motivation do you have if all you know and think about is how sick or weak you are? The mind is a powerful thing, Sammy. This is my exercise for you: Dream. Everyday, try to picture yourself healed. Try to picture yourself walking and running and doing what you want to do. Try to think about it more than where you currently are. Make it your goal, and make the smaller goals work up to that big goal. Can you do that?"

Sammy looks at her and nods absentmindedly.

"And if you are really struggling with what the Word says, read it," Mrs. Vetrovs says. "You have access to a Bible and are free to read it. If you have questions, go try to find the answers. You can ask for help from your family or listen to preachers, but actually read it. If you question God's will to heal you, search for the answer. If you question how to move forward in your relationship with Kenji, search for the answer. What better way to figure out your doubts and faith than to read what they're based upon?"

Sammy continues to nod and listen to the advice her therapist gives her, but most of it seems to go in one ear and out the other. A part of her didn't like the advice she was hearing… So she tuned it out. She didn't believe it.

At least, she didn't think she believed it…

Did she?

Was this fear? Was that why she was ignoring the advice?

Was she just lost in her own mind?

Was she afraid of her own feelings?

Leaving with a heavy pit of dread and confusion in her stomach, Sammy realizes she doesn't know what she thought or felt… But how do you fix a problem you know nothing about?

"What's the word for mouse?" Kenji asks.

"Uhhh… topo?" Ben stutters, laughing.

"Cup," Darius says.

Ben freezes, a little panicked and stressed. "... tazza?"

"Onions!" Kenji shouts.

Ben turns to him with wide eyes. "... Cipolla? I mean, cipolle?"

"Chipotle?" Kenji says.

"Cipolle," Ben corrects.

"Chipotle!" Kenji insists.

"CIPOLLE!" Ben exclaims. Darius and Kenji start laughing. "Why are you two quizzing me on random Italian words?!" the blonde boy asks.

"Cause it's fun," Darius shrugs.

"What's clock?" Kenji asks, glancing around the kitchen for examples.

Ben stutters. "Uhhh… How about I ask you a question for a change?! What's the Korean word for stupid?"

"Pabo!" Kenji exclaims happily.

Darius laughs as Ben flings another word at him. "Pizza?"

"Pija!" Kenji grins.

Yasmina—who had been staring at Ben with her sketchbook under her elbow—snaps to attention. "Pizza?"

The boys laugh. "Look at her not paying any attention until you say pizza," Darius snickers.

"What about pizza?" Yasmina asks, ignoring his comment.

"Kenji was teaching us the Korean word for pizza," Ben says.

"Pija!" the alpha male informs them.

"Sounds like something they would say," Yasmina nods.

"Why are you so annoyed?!" Kenji exclaims, bursting into a dance and staring at her the whole time.

She frowns. "You're being annoying."

"Is something wrong?" Ben asks. "You are acting a little more annoying than you usually do."

"Ugh! Offended!" Kenji obnoxiously scoffs. "I'm totally fine. What would be wrong? There's absolutely nothing wrong here."

Yasmina thinks for a moment. "You have the hearing in two days."

"I'm totally not worried about that," he states strongly, again dancing to a song in his head compulsively.

"You sure? You've been a little off lately," Darius says.

"Yep! I'm totally fine," he declares, planting his hands on his hips. "Oh!" he exclaims, thinking of another subject to talk about. "I know the Korean word for boobs. Gaseum!"

Darius blinks. "Why… why do you know that one?"

"Why wouldn't he?" Yasmina shrugs, her expression one of annoyance.

"I… That… Thank you, I needed to know that one," Ben says sarcastically, making Yasmina snort.

"It also means chest, so it's just kinda that area," Kenji informs them. "But I like using it for boobies."

"You're so immature," Darius states with a smirk.

"You're one to talk!" Kenji laughs.

Ben meets eyes with Yasmina for a second and immediately stares at the counter, face turning red. Was it her imagination, or did his eyes linger for a millisecond on her chest? They were discussing gaseum, to be fair… Great, now her cheeks were heating up.

"You okay, Yaz?" Darius asks.

"Yeah, great," she says quickly, looking pointedly down at her sketchbook. She forces herself to stare at the paper. "Don't look at him, don't look at him, don't look at him! It's getting awkward… Things are awkward between us… Ugh, especially now that Kenji mentioned boobs… d*** it… Was he looking at me? Is he staring at me? Don't look, Yaz…"

Despite herself, she chances a glance at the boy in front of her. He glances at her at the same time and the two have an awkward stare for two seconds, before they quickly look away. "Just keep your head down…" she tells herself. "Just don't make eye contact… Or look at him at all… It's better to just avoid him right now… Between our secret, these new feelings of anxiety and now the gaseum comment, it's better to avoid him… It's getting really awkward… Gah, is he looking at me?! Agh! I hate this anxiety?! Why is it spiking all of the sudden?! Is he looking at me?! Ugh! This was a total mistake… I'm such a wreck right now… I should not have made the decision I did… Is he looking at me?!"

Yasmina looks up again. Ben had made Kenji teach him how to dance to distract himself. He notices Yasmina looking at him and his chest tightens. He purses his lips, trying not to laugh. He looked very uncomfortable and embarrassed.

"This is causing so much stress between us!" Yasmina wails in her head, regretting her decision in the past. "And now this anxiety is coming back up! Why is my heart beating so fast?! Why does my stomach feel queasy?!"

Looking up from her sketchbook, she watches Kenji try to forcibly teach Ben the dance moves. "It's not working!" Ben exclaims.

"You have zero rhythm!" the alpha male sputters.

Ben pouts like a toddler. "Forgive me for not being born with the ability to dance!"

Kenji snickers. "Guess you're just a pabo!"

Ben tschs, but he was grinning. "Guess you're just an asino!"

"What does that mean?" the older boy frowns.

"Stronzo! Coglione!" Ben exclaims. "Figlio di puttana!" He covers his mouth, cackling.

"Are you cursing at me in Italian?!" Kenji gaps.

"Maybe?" Ben wheezes, not having a good poker face. "My Nonna and Nonno still speak Italian so I have learned a couple from them…"

Yasmina giggles as the two boys squabble. A part of her was interested in learning Italian now. Partly because she could curse as much as she wanted and Sammy wouldn't know what she was saying, and partly because she could have secret conversations with Ben… She would love that… The thought of being able to comment on Kenji's ridiculousness makes her chuckle silently.

The boys catch her attention as Darius begins to chase Kenji down the hall. As the two run back around, Darius jumps up and tries to slap the back of his friend's head. "Are you sure you're okay?" Ben asks.

"No! I've got Darius slapping me!" Kenji protests, covering his head and trying to protect his head as Darius continues to assault him.

Darius gives one more hard smack. "I like your cut, G!" he states, nodding his head in approval.

"You're just acting a little weird," Ben says.

"Don't I always act weird?" Kenji shrugs.

"But this feels forced and annoying," Ben argues.

"I'm fine!" Kenji growls. "Except my head is sore now…"

"Ha! That's what you were doing to me!" Darius protests.

Yasmina watches the boys bicker again. Ben continues to try to dig deeper as Kenji focuses on annoying Darius and provoking him. "He's so in tune with everyone else's feelings all the time… He's such a good friend, always making sure we're alright…"

"I didn't do anything to her and then one day… we weren't friends anymore… I did absolutely nothing to her. The problem wasn't even between the two of us. It… I was cut out for no reason…"

"What did she do?" Ben asked on the island. "Let me guess, you don't want to talk about it?"

Yasmina could hear him smirking slightly. "How many times have I said that?"

Ben chuckled. "Twice."

"Well, I don't want to talk about what she did," she told him.

"Thrice," Ben said, keeping count.

At the time, Yasmina had found it slightly annoying that he found her so predictable. Now, she treasured it. With how complicated and confusing her own thoughts could get, she was grateful he knew her so well. It was comforting to know that even when she didn't understand herself, at least Ben was right there with her without her asking or explaining.

"I'll let you two catch up," Mr. Pincus said as he closed Ben's bedroom door, having wheeled Yasmina through the house after she arrived for the first time.

Yasmina stood up on her right leg and, as Ben turned around, wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She pulled him close and leaned against him, trusting that he was strong enough to hold her. Ben gave a soft chuckle and wrapped his arms around her back, supporting her as she leaned on him more and more. She was tired. Tired of being strong. Tired of being tired. Tired of being sad. Tired of everything!

Ben sat down and held her. She rested her head on his right shoulder, her legs sliding uncomfortably off the bed. He shifted back on the bed so that she could comfortably sit/lay on his lap and hug him. Yasmina closed her eyes and leaned into him. This darkness called depression loomed over her, pressing in and suffocating her. It felt like a weight on her chest, dragging her down and making it hard to breathe. It was draining to fight against the darkness and Yasmina wanted to sleep. She wanted to rest. She wanted a break from this suffocating dark blanket wrapping around her. She wanted to be free from it!

But she had been struggling against it for so long… Mentally, her muscles ached and her energy was gone. It was all in her head, but the tiredness translated to her physical body. In her mind, she wailed. Was there anyone who could help her? Was there any way out of the thick, suffocating darkness?! Did anyone sense how lost she was?! Could anyone guide her out?!

"Ben!" she cried out in her head. "Sammy? Darius? Kenji? Anyone! Someone! Where's the light?! Where's the freedom?! Let me breathe! Help me breathe!"

"Yaz, I…" Ben started to speak. "I don't understand what you're going through… But I can feel it. You may not understand what's going on with you… just know that you can come to me for help. Even if that's just a hug…"

Relief coursed through her veins. The darkness still surrounded her, but she could feel him hugging her back through it. She was still lost. She was still suffocating. But there was someone out there who knew. There was someone out there reaching out and holding her. Someone else noticed her pain and was trying to help. The relief wasn't rejuvenating, but it was alleviating.

Sniffing and sighing shakily, she said, "Thank you, Ben… for trying to understand when I don't."

Yasmina smiles at the memory. "Where would I be without him? … Depressed, still… Most likely. Dead, even…"

"Shh, shh, Yaz, it's okay," Ben said, pulling her in close as she screamed.

All Yasmina could focus on was the pain she was in.

"Yasmina, listen to me," he said, holding her tighter.

She couldn't hear him. Her leg was in agony. Nerves were sending searing signals of pain to her brain. "My leg is gone… My leg is gone!" she thought in horror.

Ben's lips against hers shocked her out of her horrified state of mind. He pulled back and she stared at him in complete surprise. "Yaz, shh, it's okay," he told her.

Her chest tightened as she remembered what happened. Ben kissed her again, and she stopped breathing in shock. A tingly feeling had set over her as he kissed her. Normally, she was completely disgusted with the idea of kissing, but this time was different. This time was special. This time was… good.

She hadn't wanted the moment to end. Not the kiss. Not him holding her. She wanted to stay there, with Ben, frozen in that moment.

He pulled back slightly and looked sincerely into her eyes. "It's okay. We're going to make it through this."

A tiny part of Yasmina wanted to go back to that moment. Not to the traumatic part of losing her leg, but to the sweet, tender moment of Ben's kiss. She knew that what made it special—besides being her first kiss—was that it saved her life. It calmed her down and assured her that she would be okay. There would never again be a moment like that… at least, she hoped there wouldn't!

No, that's not the type of kiss she wanted… She wouldn't want the heroic, sweep-me-off-my-feet kiss, either… Ben wasn't like that, anyway… No, the kiss she had in mind was more gentle and soft… Like a kiss given while walking under the moonlight. Or a lovely kiss under the glow of a warm fire on a cold winter night… Her life had always felt like it was full of chaos and pain and events. She didn't want her kisses and romance to be like that… She wanted peace and gentleness and calmness…

Yasmina begins to imagine a romantic kiss between her and Ben in the light of a fire. Perhaps they would be older… married with kids, since they were too young to be a couple at the moment… Perhaps their kids would be playing in front of them, throwing pieces of paper into the fire and watching them burn like she would do as a kid. Ben and Yasmina would be sitting on the floor behind them, watching over the children as she lays her head on his shoulder. That fluttery feeling in her stomach returns as Ben gives her a gentle kiss in her daydream.

The reality of what she was thinking of hits her like a train. "Me? Married to Ben with kids?! Kissing him?! What?!"

Yasmina looks up at Ben, and that fluttery, anxious feeling returns… But she knew what it was now… And it wasn't anxiety… Though it certainly caused anxiety!

"F***!" she shouts, hopping off the bar stool she was sitting on and hopping out the ranch's front door—neglecting her crutches.

The boys pause and watch her go. "F*** what?" Kenji asks, staring at where she used to be.

"What's wrong with her?" Darius asks, confused.

"I don't even know at this point," Ben sighs.

"Hey, Sammy!" Brooklynn calls, approaching her in the barnyard. She notices the closed Bible laying in her friends lap. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No, no," Sammy shakes her head, looking up at her friend. After her therapy session with Miss Anita, she had felt compelled to read her Bible… But once she situated herself in the barn to actually read and have alone time, she hesitated… There was a certain fear she had about finding the answers to her questions… She was almost afraid of what she would find.

"You sure you don't want me to leave and come back another time?" Brooklynn asks, holding up her hands and backing away.

"Oh, no, Missy," the parapelgic says, setting her Bible on the top of the stall. "You're not going anywhere on your own."

Brooklynn sighs. "I'm doing better! Can you guys chill on the guarding?!"

"Nope!" Sammy grins. "Not for a while, at least."

Brooklynn goes to protest when there's commotion outside the barn door. Some shuffling occurs and Yasmina hurriedly hops into the barn, flopping down at Sammy's feet on her back. "Should've grabbed my crutches… Agh, hopping around is doable but difficult on the soft muddy ground…"

"What's got you in such a hurry?" Brooklynn asks.

Yasmina yelps and sits up, turning towards her friends. "It's happened! IT'S HAPPENED! I SAID IT WOULDN'T!"

"What?!" Sammy blinks. "What happened? The end of the world or you have a crush?"

"BOTH!" Yasmina exclaims, clearly panicking. "They're the same thing!"

Sammy and Brooklynn gasp. "You have a crush on Ben?!" Sammy squeals.

"And you realize it!" Brooklynn adds, jumping up and down.

"Yes!" Yasmina groans. "I can't believe it! I said it wouldn't happen! I said I wasn't into romance! I said I wanted to stay single forever! And NOW! NOW I HAVE A CRUSH! And it's on B—Wait, what do you mean 'I realized it?'"

"Pfft, it was obvious that your little 'anxiety attack' on Friday was a crush," Brooklynn rolls her eyes with a teasing grin.

Yasmina gaps. "So I'M the last person to figure out my own feelings?!"

"Well, technically, that would be Ben," Brooklynn states. "You're the second to last. And yes, I'm including family members in that. You've been dreamily staring at him for days… when you're not awkwardly avoiding him…"

Yasmina protests with gibberish. "I… I have a crush…" She looks at her hands as if she was questioning her existence. "Hashushushush, WHAT IS GOING ON?! How can I have a crush?! I don't like romance! But I was imagining kissing Ben! I PICTURED KISSING HIM, SAMMY!"

The cowgirl was cackling as her friend had an existential crisis. "I actually liked it!" Yasmina exclaims, curling up in a ball on the ground, face in the hay. "I thought it was a nice daydream! I actually liked the idea of kissing him! I wanted to kiss him again… I WANTED TO KISS HIM AGAIN!"

She sits up and leans on Sammy's legs, looking up at her friend with wide, panicked eyes. "Take me to the hospital. There's something clearly wrong with me."

Sammy is wheezing. "Oh, Yasmina, it's okay!" she says, holding the side of her friend's face motherly. "It's okay to fall in love eventually. It's normal! Nothin's wrong with you, you're normal! Except most people don't have a panic attack about this."

Yasmina stares up at her in fear. "I can't fall in love… Nope… I can't get married and… you know…"

"Is that what you're the most scared of?" Sammy asks.

Yasmina blinks as her eyes get watery and she rests her face in Sammy's lap.

The parapelgic chuckles, stroking her friend's hair.

"My life is over as I know it," she grumbles.

"You're such a drama queen," Brooklynn laughs. "Who knew! Come on, you're acting like you'll die if you fall in love!"

"I will!" Yasmina insists.

"Yaz?" Kenji says, peeking around the barn door. "There you are," he says, spotting her in front of Sammy. "You took off after shouting 'F***.' What's up?"

"The end of the world!" Yasmina declares, being more dramatic than needed.

"She has a crush on Ben," Brooklynn translates.

"Ohhhh, you just figured it out?!" Kenji exclaims.

"Shut up!" Yasmina snaps.

"This is great!" Kenji laughs.

"No, it's not!" the athlete wails. "I have a crush!"

Kenji starts wheezing. "And why is that a problem?"

"Because I'm against romance!" Yasmina exclaims. "I'm against getting married and mating and having kids! Agh! I pictured kissing him! I pictured being married to him with kids! AND I LIKED IT!"

Her friends are laughing. "The fact that you said mating," Kenji wheezes.

"What do I do?!" Yasmina practically shouts. "I-I-I can't fall in love!"

Kenji gasps. "I finally get to be your wingman!"

Brooklynn squeals, clapping her hands. "We can try to help you two together like we did with Kenji and Sammy!"

Sammy laughs. "This time, I get to be a part of it!"

Yasmina looks between the three of them with wide eyes and lets out a very puppy-like whine.

Kenji laughs and kneels down in front of her. "It's okay, Yaz," he shushes.

"No, it's not!" she declares.

"Come on, what's the worst thing that can happen?" he asks.

"Ben and I get together and love each other," she says, very seriously. She's panting out of fear. "I'm scared of this new feeling… I don't want to fall head over heels in love! I don't want to act all goofy and stupid! I don't want to lose rationality and be blindly in love! I want to have my eyes open! I can't fall blindly in love! I can't love a guy… I don't wanna kiss! I don't want to get married! I don't wanna… you know… not again…"

"Yaz, it's okay," Kenji chuckles. "You don't have to be afraid of romance."

"Look, when you're older, you'll be ready for romance," Sammy says, putting her hand on her friend's shoulder. "It's okay to be nervous and disgusted right now, but you don't have to be afraid of it. What happened to you as a kid isn't normal or okay."

"Or what you should expect," Kenji smiles at her.

Yasmina chuckles nervously. "Oh, ho, ho, this is not good… Nope, this is definitely not good… This complicates everything… Oh, gosh…"

"Complicates things?" Brooklynn asks.

"Uh, mental state, emotions, healing, it complicates everything!" Yasmina says quickly. "What do I do?!"

"Well, we can come up with a plan to help you tell Ben your feelings," Brooklynn grins.

"Noooooo!" Yasmina exclaims, curling into a ball again.

Kenji cackles evilly. "Ohhh, this is going to be so much fun!"

"Nope, nope, nope!" the athlete squeaks. "I can't tell him! I'm trying to figure out my own feelings right now! I can't tell him how I feel, yet!"

"Plus, you'll be sixteen in less than a week, and he's still thirteen," Sammy reminds them. "Better to just stay out of any involvement other than platonic right now."

Yasmina's eyes widen at the idea and she swallows hard.

"Let's just forget about settin' up the two for now," Sammy says. "Let Yaz figure out herself right now."

Brooklynn giggles. "I'm still happy you two have gotten somewhere."

"We haven't gotten anywhere!" Yasmina exclaims.

"Come on, let's get over the fear and go tell him," Kenji teases, picking her up and slinging her over his shoulder.

"No, no, no! I swear, Kenji, I will KILL you if you tell Ben anything!" Yasmina shouts, kicking and thrashing. Kenji carries her out of the barn, having no intention of actually finding Ben, but still wanting to mess with her.

Sammy and Brooklynn laugh. "Well, she finally notices!" Brooklynn pumps her fists.

"Yeah! Took her long enough!" the cowgirl giggles.

"What do you think she meant by 'complicates things?'" the pinkette asks, a more serious tone setting in.

Sammy shrugs. "Probably referring to her PTSD revolving around her father."

"Yeah…" Brooklynn murmurs, smiling again as Kenji comes back with Yasmina.

"I've dusted… as much as I can… I've fixed the couch cushions… What else can I do…" Sammy asks herself, looking around her house. There wasn't too much that she could do that wasn't already assigned to someone else… With such a big family, those who were more able than her were given more jobs. Sammy had finished her chores and was struggling to find something else to do.

A feeling of hopelessness and helplessness sets in. She knew other paraplegics could live on their own… She had yet to figure out ways to help out around the house, though. She felt useless… Her whole life, she had been busy helping out around the house and the ranch. There was always a job to do around the ranch. The young girl was used to taking care of the animals, babysitting her siblings, helping clean and fix things around the house, cooking meals, and whatnot. That was on top of schoolwork, helping out at the rodeo, learning new tricks and hobbies and hanging out with her friends and family, too. Her life had always been busy and full of activities and things to do.

Now, she hadn't much to do because of her paralysis. Sure, she could learn new ways to do common activities. But she hadn't yet. She felt helpless in her usually busy, lively house. Compared to her previous level of activity, she felt lazy!

Sammy blinks back tears. "Why am I so useless?!" self-pity and hopelessness ask. "Come on, Samantha, how can you worry about having a family now? You can barely help out around the house! How will you have a family one day?! How will you take care of kids?! Of animals?! Of household chores! You're useless!"

"Dream…" a gentle voice whispers.

Try as she might, Sammy couldn't picture herself any other way. Her pain and frustration with her paralysis was burned in and she couldn't remember what it was like to walk… Walking and running felt like a vague memory… Until she was having flashbacks to the island.

Quietly sobbing, Sammy cries out in her head. "Oh, God, why? Why me? Why this? Why all of this?!"

Thinking of her biggest mistake before the disaster, she repents. "Lord, forgive me for spying and lying for Mantah Corp. I repent for my sins… Please forgive me, Lord… Your will be done… I will live my life for you wholeheartedly…"

"Ha! At least admit to yourself that you're lying, Sammy," condemnation scoffs. "I say it but I don't mean it… If I truly meant it, I would've read my Bible and found all the answers… I would do what he told me to do… No, I'm selfish… I don't want to give my heart over… I don't want to live for him… I'm selfish and want control over my life. That's why I don't want to know what God says about marriage! That's why I've been trying to heal myself on my own! I'm selfish and a liar!"

The sting of guilt comes.

Somebody enters the kitchen and Sammy quickly wipes her eyes dry. "Having a bad day?" Kenji asks, crossing his arms and leaning back against the kitchen counter in front of her. He gives her a sympathetic smile.

Sammy sighs, knowing there was no use in acting fine. "Yeah…"

"How did your therapy session go?" he asks.

"It was pretty good…" she mumbles. "She was nice, but… she gave some… advice I found… difficult… Or just…"

"You don't want to do it?" Kenji guesses.

She nods.

"Is that what's making you sad?" he asks.

"No, it's more… more that I can't do too much around the house," she groans. "It's hard to do the dishes from my wheelchair, it's hard to take a shower, I can't put anything in the top cabinets…"

That familiar look sets into his face. The one that said Kenji was going into goof off mode to make her laugh. "You could become a centaur," he grins.

She gives him a half-hearted smile.

"You could take one of the horses and just click your upper half on top of their body like a lego," he says, making the motion with his hands.

Sammy chuckles at the ridiculousness of the comment.

"What if you suddenly sprouted wings and could fly around the kitchen?" he suggests.

She gives a small laugh.

"You could become the Tooth Fairy!" he declares. "Or a bumblebee. You'd make a cute bumblebee."

She smiles, but being compared to a bumblebee made her feel a little self-conscious.

"What if they made you a cyborg?" Kenji grins.

Sammy smiles, but her heart was too sad to find it truly enjoyable.

"I mean, hey, that would be pretty cool," Kenji chuckles. "You could run faster than Yaz. Maybe you could block bullets with your legs. Hey, depending on how much of you is a cyborg, maybe birth wouldn't hurt so much!"

Sammy couldn't force herself to smile at that one; it hurt too much to think about having a family one day.

Kenji notices her sadness and sighs. "Sammy…" He approaches her and kneels down. "Baby, come on, it's okay."

Something snaps inside her emotional mind at that word. "Don't call me baby," she hisses, fighting back tears. "We're not officially together yet. It's kinda weird to have you call me baby! We're just friends right now. Calling me baby is something you'd do before the island."

Kenji pulls back, jaw tightening. "Jeez," he said, sounding a bit hurt, but tries to cover it up. "Didn't know it mattered that much. It's a term of endearment, you know?"

"One used by couples," she reminds him, hands gripping the handles of her wheelchair.

"We may not be officially, officially together, but come on," he argues, standing up. "Can't use terms of affection with you? It's not like I called you Babe or Love or something more romantic! Parents will use Baby for their children! Do you want me to call you Beloved or something?"

"I don't want you to call me anything romantic until we're dating!" she snaps. "If we're not officially together, we're friends!"

"What's the big deal?! Sorry, I called you Baby! Why is this such an issue?!" he exclaims.

"I didn't feel comfortable with it," she hisses with venom.

Kenji nods, his eyes ice cold in anger. "Oh, right. Typical me. The rich kid, womanizer who overstepped his boundaries with his simple, farm girl friend." His face falls.

"Sorry that not all of us have the privilege to be wealthy!" Sammy snaps, her voice thick as tears stream down her face. "Sorry that I'm not the perfect girlfriend who's willing to date you as soon as you confessed!"

Kenji takes a heavy breath, emotional himself. "I… I'm sorry… I didn't mean that…"

He grabs a kitchen chair and spins it around to sit on it backwards, facing her. "I just… the comment about me acting like I did before the island stung… I shouldn't have hit back…"

"What made it sting?" she asks quietly.

"I…" he sighs. "Just a little stressed and nervous about the Preliminary hearing tomorrow… Any mention of my past self or anything seemingly accusing me of being a bad guy makes me feel anxious…"

"I'm sorry," Sammy quickly apologizes. "I didn't mean to insinuate anythin'. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," he shrugs her apologies off. "You seem stressed, too."

She groans.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing…" she mumbles.

"... Remember when I was the one hiding my feelings and you were the one trying to break through?"

"I'm not hiding my feelings, I…" Sammy whimpers. "I just… I don't know what they are. Everytime I try to sort 'em out, I just get so darn confused. Everything gets more complicated the more I think about it and I just wanna forget about it! I'm startin' to question things…"

"Like… your faith?" Kenji asks.

"Mmm… yes and no," she frowns. "I'm not questioning God or salvation or the important, core beliefs… but healin' and… I just don't know how to interpret some stuff now…"

"Is this about the 'Christians can't marry non-Christians' thing?" Kenji asks, a hint of pain in his voice.

Her breath hitches. "I don't want to talk about that," she says quickly.

"Sam?"

"I don't wanna discuss it."

"You know—"

"No!"

Kenji sighs, hanging his head in frustration. "You know, if it's such a big deal, we'll have to address it at some point."

She sniffs. "Not now, Kenji…"

"You can't ignore it—"

"Not now!"

"Then when?" he asks, exasperatedly.

"I don't know!" she groans.

"Sammy, we have to talk about it at some point," he reminds her.

"I don't want to think about it…" she growls.

"You can't pretend it's not a problem," he says, anger starting to rise. He keeps it bottled. For now.

"I don't have to think about it right away," she hisses.

"You have to think about it sometimes!" he snaps. "You can't push this one away!"

"Not now…" she shuts her eyes tightly.

"If this is such a big deal, why didn't you think about it on the island?!" he asks.

"I was a fool!" she cries.

The pain in his eyes stung. The anger bubbling on the surface rises, replacing the hurt. Kenji rises quickly and whips the chair back around roughly to where it had been. Sammy flinches at the hardness of the move.

He storms to the front door, and pauses. "Like it or not, Samantha, you'll have to deal with it eventually. You can push it off as long as you want, but it won't go away. Sooner or later it will have to be faced. Even if you ignore the rule, you'll have to decide. You have to make a decision one way or another. You can't do it both ways. You'll have to make that decision at some point."

Kenji looks her dead in the eye, jaws clenched tight. "I'd prefer it to be sooner so that this emotional rollercoaster would end."

With that, the angry teen just about slammed the front door.

Sammy flinches at the sound. Tears spring up immediately and she buries her face in her hands, sobbing. "No, no, no! Why, God?! Why are we falling apart?! Please, help us bridge this divide… Please… Lord, why?! Why did I agree?! I'm breaking his heart, and he's breaking mine! Lord, please!"

She was even more stressed and hurt than before. But now, she might have pushed away Kenji… Her best friend… Her love…

Was it for the best that they separated?

If they separated, though, could they still stay friends?

Would she lose Kenji forever?

A small part of her wishing she could disappear to a better place with no pain, Sammy cries in the kitchen, in emotional anguish over her problem.

"You look like a ballerina."

Brooklynn blinks, bringing her attention back to reality. "What?"

Holly chuckles, nodding to the girl sitting on the haystack. "The way you're laying there looks like a ballerina posing. Or a model."

Brooklynn sits up, subconsciously slouching and cringing at the comment. "What are you doing?" she asks, changing the subject.

"Checkin' over Felicity," Holly says, patting the bay Morgan. "She's got some infected sores on her back."

"Poor horse," Brooklynn murmurs, playing with a straw of hay.

"So, I heard you and Yaz had a fight about a week ago," the young woman says, glancing at Brooklynn.

The pinkette widens her eyes in frustration. "And? What about it?" "Why does everyone wanna bring this up?!"

"Yasmina seemed pretty concerned about it," Holly says. "Said she was worried for ya."

"Is Yaz enlisting an entire army to interrogate me, now?" the younger girl crosses her arms.

"Is there information you have that she wants?" Holly lifts an eyebrow knowingly.

"No," Brooklynn says, glaring at her. "Yaz is just gossiping."

"Is it really like her to gossip?" Holly asks, planting her hands on her hips.

"No…" the pinkette says sullenly.

"We were talking," Holly says, biting her lip. "... She's worried about you. Wanted advice from someone older. Yaz said it felt like you were hiding something out of guilt."

Brooklynn barks out a laugh. "So, maybe she should just leave me alone? I don't think she likes guilt, either… Maybe you guys can just leave me in peace? I don't have to tell anyone."

The young woman thinks for a second and smirks. "Come take a look at this."

Brooklynn gets up from the hay bale and approaches the horse. Holly shows her the horses back. An abscess on her back had burst and a yellowish, green liquid oozed out. Brooklynn gags, stepping back. "Eugh, I hate stuff like this."

"Gross, ain't it?" Holly chuckles. "We're not sure what made her get an infected abscess on her back. Normally they're on the hooves. Usually we call a vet if the abscess doesn't go away and they'll pop it, but this thing burst on it's own. We'll clean it out and she'll feel better."

She pats the horse's flank. "Think about all this pus as a secret. It's icky and it hurts. It's painful to burst, and can be quite a disgusting mess. Hurts to burst, hurts to clean up and heal."

Brooklynn nods.

"But wouldn't ya rather pop it now while it's small?" Holly asks. "If this thing didn't go away, it would grow bigger and bigger and become painful for Felicity. Bet she's glad it's burst now and we can take care of it." She gives the horse a stroke.

Brooklynn strokes the horse's mane as Holly cleans the abscess. "Leavin' a secret in for longer than it needs to be hurts more than it's worth," the older girl advises. "Like a sore, leavin' it unattended and holdin' it in lets it fester and grow bigger. It irritates ya and hurts ya as it slowly grows bigger and bigger. Eventually, it will burst on it's own, but how much pain will you suffer before it does?"

"That's a… very… very vivid analogy," Brooklynn gags.

"It might hurt to let out your secret on your own, but trust me, it's better than lettin' it get out through other means after holdin' it in so long that it torments ya," Holly says.

Brooklynn watches the horse quietly.

"I know how ya feel Brook," Holly sighs.

"You don't know that…" Brooklynn thinks.

"You know that I got pregnant at fifteen, right?" Holly asks.

Brooklynn nods. She had heard it mentioned before.

"I was always more… free spirited," the young woman chuckles. "I had more of a defiant personality. Liked seeing how far I could push boundaries and rules. Would find loopholes and drive my parents crazy. It always seemed to be my mission to be the difficult child."

The pinkette giggles.

"When I went into my sophomore year of high school, I went through a rebel phase," Holly continues. "Whatever my parents told me to do, I refused to do—unless I wanted to do it. If they told me not to do something, I was determined to do it. Didn't matter if I had to go behind their backs and do it to survive. I was gonna break every little rule they had set. I wanted to make my own decisions and be an adult. I wanted to be free from their rules. Naturally, since abstinence was one of their top rules, sex was at the top of my list of rebellious acts."

Brooklynn nods, stroking the horse as she listens.

"Mamá and Papá were way stricter back then," Holly explains. "I wasn't allowed to text boys until sixteen, and I wasn't allowed to date until eighteen. The second rule is still in place. I also wasn't allowed to have close guy friends unless they were in the family, and my parents tried to monitor my social life, especially if it regarded boys."

"I can see why you wanted to rebel…" Brooklynn murmurs.

"Yee, they've lightened up because of it," the older girl nods. "They realized that sometimes making something so taboo can make it even more appealing. They realized they were going overboard.

"Well, I met a cute boy in school, and he showed interest in me," she sighs. "I immediately told him about the situation and made sure he knew to keep it hush that we liked each other. My siblings were sure to tattle if they saw us hanging together. So we would talk in secret. We had the same class together, and had a group project, so we would chat in Google Docs. It wouldn't save chats, so we were safe."

"That's smart," the pinkette grins.

"Don't ever use that method," Holly tells her warningly. "Anyway, one day, we planned a daring, risky move through Google Docs… the next day, we enacted it. I still remember the excitement. The heart pounding, nervous, giddy excitement I felt. Well, after class ended, I texted my parents that I had to help clean up a classroom and wouldn't be out for a little bit… Not uncommon for me, but it was lie number one… We found a closet out of the way and pretty much undisturbed… to our knowledge, no one ever used it. And… I broke the biggest rule my parents had ever set."

Brooklynn sits on an overturned metal bucket and listens, riveted to the story.

"It was new and exciting and a little bit painful at first," Holly chuckles, finishing up tending to the horse. "Feelings were running high and the satisfaction of rebelling against my parents was sweet. It felt so nice to make my own decision and do something that was always so taboo… But when I got into the car with my Mamá, I immediately felt guilty… I was so sure she could tell I had had sex just by looking into my eyes… I lied well, but the guilt was eating me up… I was stupid enough to keep going out with him a couple more times… By then, I was worried my parents would find out about us and broke up with him."

Brooklynn rests her chin on her fists.

"My stupidity didn't end there, though," she sputters, sitting down on a bale of hay. "I found boy numero dos and did the same thing with him for a couple months before breaking up with him. That's when I moved onto Josuha."

Brooklynn chuckles.

"Worst decision yet," she rolls her eyes. "I had become… more comfortable with my routine of lying and sleepin' around, and snuck off with him more frequently. The guilt became greater, though. My parents noticed that I was actin' strange. More withdrawn, more irritable, more secretive. They tried to talk to me, but I refused to open up. I didn't want to burst the secret."

"And?" Brooklynn asks, holding her breath.

"Well, we were goin' at it for about three or four months 'fore I realized I hadn't gotten my period in a while… I freaked out. Sayin' things to myself like, 'No, I can't be pregnant, I was careful! It wouldn't happen to me. It took Mamá a while to get pregnant with us, I can't just get pregnant like that. I was careful!' But my period failed to arrive another month later. After the anxiety reached a point where I couldn't take it any longer, I took a pregnancy test. Sura nough, I was pregnant."

Brooklynn gasps softly, even though she knew it would happen.

"I told Joshua," Holly murmured. "He was irritated about it. Told me to go take care of it without any emotion… I told him I wasn't gonna abort it, and he promised that he ain't gonna be a father at sixteen… Found him makin' out with another girl at school the next day."

"And that's why you're so skeptical towards Kenji?" the pinkette asks.

"Yep," she nods. "I was so scared, I didn't know what to do. Felt too darn ashamed of myself to tell my parents… I mean, it was my own fault I was in this mess. If I had just listened to them and not been messin' around, I wouldn't have been in this position to begin with… I was on birth control for irregular periods, anyway… I thought that I was safe… Guess I wasn't… One day, I walked to a clinic and stood outside the fence, contemplating my options… It was an easy way out, and my parents wouldn't have to know. It could be over and I wouldn't have to deal with it…"

"But…?" Brooklynn asks.

"But the guilt was eatin' me up," Holly says, resting her chin on her hands. "I had already slept with three guys and lied to my parents and broke the rules… I couldn't add abortion to the list of things I was guilty of and hidin' from them… I knew I had to come clean… But I was scared what they would do when they found out."

"What did you think they were going to do?"

"I thought they would kick me out. I thought they'd beat me and yell. I thought maybe I'd have to run away and live on the streets with a baby. I was sure no one would want to take me in with them after what I had done."

"... So what really happened?"

Holly sighs, hands shaking. "Well, I was standin' outside the clinic, mulin' over my options. I remember, clear as day, what I was thinkin' standing out there. I thought, 'Lord, what do I do? How could anyone forgive me for this? I've made a terrible mistake, what have I done?! I can't raise a child! I'm only a child myself! What do I do? I have nowhere to go! Who would take me in after my mistake? Should I just end this?' But I knew in my heart I couldn't… My child didn't ask to be conceived… He or she didn't ask for me to make my mistake… How cruel a mother was I to want to kill him or her just because I was scared to face my parents?"

Brooklynn blinks back tears.

"As I was standin' there, a woman and her son—about my age—walked up to me," she murmurs. "She asked me if I was okay or needed help, and I told her I didn't know what to do. It wasn't too hard to guess why I was standin' outside an abortion clinic with no idea what to do. She asked me what was wrong, and I gave her my story. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I turned away from the fence and sat in the grass, sobbing as I told them what happened. They listened and told me there was another option. They worked with a volunteer-run organization to help young mothers who were pregnant without a father or a family and hadn't many options."

Brooklynn nods, listening to the story.

"Our family is relatively well known in the town," Holly explains. "They had met my parents at one point or another. They assured me that they didn't believe my parents would kick me out. But if they did or if I needed to run away, the organization would provide a home for me and would help me through my pregnancy journey, should I choose to keep the baby. They'd also offer adoption or foster options if I couldn't raise my child."

"That was nice of them…" Brooklynn whispers, wiping her nose on her sleeve.

"I decided then and there to tell my parents," she sighs. "I was so sure that they would be mad and kick me out, that I had prepared a bag with clothes and food and money and set it in a bush at the end of the driveway in case I needed to run. But I had to come clean, at the very least, to have a clean conscience."

"What'd they do?" the pinkette murmurs.

"Well, I asked them if I could tell 'em somethin' important," the young woman says, rubbing her hands together as she looks up, trying to control the tears. "I sat on their bed and they sat in chairs in front of me. I told them those two words I so very dreaded lettin' out: 'I'm pregnant.'"

Brooklynn nods, on the edge of the bucket.

"I thought the world was gonna end," Holly chuckles, wiping her eyes. "But they hugged me. They hugged me. I started bawlin' like a baby. They never said a word. They just held me as it all came spillin' out. How I had broke the rule. Who I had slept with. How Joshua had dumped me because I was pregnant. How I had considered an abortion and the Mother and her son had offered me a way to take care of my child. How I was angry at them for being so strict. How I was angry at myself for being so sneaky and evil. Everythang. They never interrupted. They just listened. When all that came outta me was hiccups, they told me it was gonna be okay. Mamá was pregnant with Shelby at the time, so she would show me how to raise a baby alongside raising my sister."

Brooklynn looks down at the ground and wipes her tears away. "They didn't get mad?"

"Oh, they weren't mad," Holly says. "They were disappointed that I broke the rule, but they weren't the mean, angry parents I thought they were gonna be. Papá contacted the group I talked to later that day and they started to help us. Things started to look up and a part of me became excited to have a baby. When I was thirteen weeks along, I told my sisters."

She gives a hearty laugh. "Miriam just kinda stared at me like I had two heads. She had had the talk when she found out Shelby was comin', so to know what I did was… disturbing to her, to say the least."

Brooklynn laughs. "I bet. First finding out when your Mom is pregnant, then knowing your sister did it would be traumatizing."

Holly sighs. "Two weeks later, though, I woke up with cramps. Still half asleep, I assumed it was my period and sleepily headed into the bathroom. It took a couple of seconds of staring at my bloody pajama skirt to realize I was pregnant and shouldn't be bleeding."

Brooklynn covers her mouth.

"I… There…" the young woman becomes choked up with emotion for a second. "There was a baby… A small body… covered in blood… I… I held it in my hands… No part was missing… It was a tiny baby… That's when I screamed… I remember Rio found me first. She took one look at the blood and froze. A few seconds later, Sammy found me. I screamed at them to get Mamá… My parents came and took me to the hospital… I wasn't hurt badly, and the doctors declared me fine to go home… But the damage was done… I had lost my baby… I was depressed. I locked myself in my room and refused to talk to anyone but Mamá. Sammy talked to me a couple days later… It helped… Some…"

Brooklynn blinks back tears, quietly tearing apart a stalk of hay as she listens.

"A day after that, Mamá went into labor," Holly continues. "I got to be in the delivery room and see her be born. I was gonna be there anyway to prepare for my own birth… Seeing Shelby born after losin' my own child was something special. In a way, she helped me get over my own child… I love all my siblings, don't get me wrong, but I've had a special connection with Shelby… She helped me heal after that miscarriage…"

"Did you ever find out if it was a boy or a girl?" the pinkette murmurs.

"We think it was a boy," she says. "I was plannin' on namin' him Liam."

"That's a cute name…" Brooklynn murmurs.

"What was the point of me bringing this up…" Holly frowns, losing her train of thought and making Brooklynn laugh. "Oh, right. Look, I know it's scary the idea of your secret coming out. But believe me, you'd rather break the news than hold it in and let it explode. I definitely wish I had told my parents after my first time. I wish I hadn't done that at all, but I definitely wish I had told them as soon as I felt guilty. Instead, I kept it to myself and kept on making the mistake until I ended up pregnant. And even then, I didn't want to tell them."

Brooklynn refuses to look her in the eyes.

"I guarantee whatever idea you have in your head about how everyone's gonna react and how awful it will be is the worst case scenario… If it's even a real scenario," Holly tells her. "I thought my parents would abuse me and I'd have to run away. Or they'd kick me out and I'd be homeless with a baby. But none of that happened… It was the exact opposite. They supported me and comforted me. And others didn't judge. The rest of my family came together to help, too. Some of the kids at school were judgemental, but my friends were supportive. The family I met at the clinic? Guess who they are."

Brooklynn thinks for a moment. "I don't know…"

"That was Justin and his mother," Holly says, smiling. Brooklynn looks up. "My now fiance was there during my darkest moment and helped me get back on my feet and tell my parents. We've been friends since and started dating at eighteen. Even though I have regrets and even though I lost my baby, my family never stopped loving me, and some good came out of it in the end. I'm sure whatever nightmare circling around in your head right now won't happen either."

Brooklynn is silent, before moving forward and hugging Holly tightly. Holly wraps her arms around her and holds her as the younger girl starts to sob. She wanted to let it all out, but words caught in her throat. "What if she judges me?" fear asks.

"What's making you hide this?" Holly asks. "Guilt and shame? Are you afraid your friends and family will hate you? Are you scared of punishment? Of judgment? Of what people would think? There's many reasons why someone would hide a secret. The question is, why are you hiding it? I don't care if you answer me, you need to answer this for yourself."

Brooklynn curls up in Holly's arms, sobbing. It felt relieving to find someone who understood her struggles, even if their stories weren't exactly the same. Holly understood the guilt, the fear of her secret being found, the shame. She wanted to pour out her heart and explain everything that happened to her. Even the fear of being rejected and scorned was beginning to fade… Holly couldn't possibly judge her… And Brooklynn was starting to wonder if her friends wouldn't, either.

"My friend's may not judge me… They'll most likely forgive me… But do I deserve it?!" guilt wails. "No! I don't deserve their forgiveness and mercy! I deserve the shame! It would be better for them if they were to yell and scream and disown me!"

Any little bit of resolve to tell anyone about her secret disappears. The idea of her friends forgiving her was somehow harder to swallow than them pushing her away. The thought of her friends being so accepting to her was uncomfortable and made her feel grateful and guilty at the same time. "No… no, I can't tell anyone," Brooklynn says to herself. "They can't know… I'm such a horrible person! They're only going to forgive me for it! I can't tell anyone!"

Sniffing, she pulls back. "Thank you…" she mumbles, wiping her eyes.

"You can tell me if you want," Holly says, chuckling. "I'm pretty good at keeping secrets. Bet ya ten bucks it won't even phase me."

Brooklynn laughs. "Bet."

Holly leaves the barn to report to her father, sternly telling Brooklynn to stay put and not do anything harmful to herself. Brooklynn promises not to and checks her phone, opening up her mother's recent texts. Anger rises again; she hadn't forgiven her parents. How could she not be angry at them after they swept everything under the rug just to keep their image?!

Her face flushes with rage as she reads the text. "Giving to a charitable cause… What a wonderful…" she mutters furiously, reading out loud. "It's a shame you had to leave?! You seemed to really enjoy it?!"

She just about throws her phone. How could her mother speak like that?!

Her mother goes on. Brooklynn's anger slowly abates and a numbness set in. "Maybe you could go back? My friends might enjoy it, too?"

Brooklynn leans back against the bale of hay, heart pounding. What was there to gain for her mother by acting this way? Was she playing nice on the off chance that her friends would search Brooklynn's text messages? But she didn't even need to bring the subject up… If her mother really wanted this to be kept a secret, she wouldn't talk about it over text… too risky… And if they were really embarrassed by her secret, why would she suggest going back with her friends? Brooklynn knew for a fact that all her friends were too loud… They weren't the type to stay silent and keep a secret because it would ruin a reputation… Her mother would know that, too…

"But she knows… Doesn't she?" Brooklynn murmurs, beginning to question her parents' knowledge. "That's what they meant in the hospital… Right?"

She tries hard to recall their exact words in the hospital.

"Shouldn't have gone to unknown people on the Internet?" Milton suggested.

"We found your secret friends," her father informed her. "Most of them were just weird and creepy, but some of them turned out to be criminals."

"You could've gotten in big trouble with those friends," her mother gulped. "You were in serious danger communicating with them. Between your Youtube channel and the information they got from you, they could've found our house and kidnapped you! Or worse!"

She pants with horror. Nothing they said suggested they knew the darkest secret she held. Thinking it over, she realized they probably didn't. She should feel relieved, but instead she felt even more alone. Only Leah and those involved knew her secret. It was her against an unspeakable evil from her past…

She sits up quickly. No one else knew! She absolutely couldn't tell her friends, now! What would happen to them if they knew?! Would they be killed? Kidnapped? Tortured into secrecy?! What would happen to them if the scandal got out?! With no adult in between Brooklynn and her past, she had to bargain for everything. She would have to keep the secret locked in its box.

The pinkette hyperventilates. But if she kept it a secret, the cycle could continue! She would be standing by as the past repeated itself! She had to tell someone! It was the right thing to do!

Gripping the sides of her head, Brooklynn curls into a ball on the floor of the barn, overwhelmed. Shed light on this problem and stop the cycle, or keep her loved ones safe… Which was the right answer? Could she do both? Could she do none?! The gravity of her secret felt like a heavy weight on her chest, slowly crushing her and suffocating her. She saw no way out… There was no way out… Not even her death could solve this… Could it? Would it be better if she was gone?

Sitting up and wiping away her tears, she tries to calm herself. She had to come up with a game plan. Something to move forward!

Holly comes back and finds her on the ground. "What's wrong?" she asks, kneeling down in concern.

"Nothing," the pinkette says determinedly, getting up and quickly brushing past the older woman. She could tell Holly now. Not now, not ever.

This was life or death, now… For all of them.