Chapter 18
Brooklyn, December, 1903
The atonal chorus of deafening voices echoing within Katherine Moore's head was agony.
When she had arrived at the deserted inlet—her inlet—nearly two hours before, she had expected a sense of peace—a calm resignation—to settle over her. But with the wind whipping wildly about her frame as ice and rain harshly coated her soaked clothes and exposed skin, all she had felt was chaos.
Memories from all points of her life flooded her awareness, wholly overwhelming in both their number and intensity. And every time she even attempted to step nearer to the rocky path below her, more waves of clashing people, places, and voices would force their way through her thoughts leaving her utterly confounded. It had become so overpowering, that after a while all she could do was wrap herself tightly into a ball on the ground, clenching her eyes shut and covering her ears to minimize any other outside affront to her senses.
Eventually, the faces of the past had faded away, leaving only their voices behind—unintelligible layers of somewhat familiar timbres that made her want to scream. Where was her quiet? Where was the freeing, guilt-defying tranquility that was supposed to come during moments like this? She had decided this was for the best. Not just for her, but for everyone involved.
So, why the hell were all her worldly miseries demanding so much of her focus—all at once interrupting the one act that would finally right so many of her wrongs?
That would finally free anyone else who may still suffer the effects of her disastrous choices?
She couldn't make sense of it. She couldn't even take a moment to catch her breath, let alone sift through what seemed like hundreds of memories, all jumbled into one cacophonous pounding within her skull. All she could do was hold her head there on the wet ground for what was either seconds or hours, unsure of anything within her or around her in the darkness.
Was this how she would die, then? Was this to be the punishment for all her sins? Not suicide by her own means, but by some torturous madness sent down from the heavens?
Was this the Almighty's way of telling her she deserved even worse than death?
"Stop," she cried pathetically as she lay there crumpled within herself. "Please….no more."
And almost as if the very heavens themselves decided to respond to her desperate pleas, the icy winds started to slow and the chaotic stream of voices flooding through her head gradually began to lessen. One by one, the varying resonances faded, until only one voice remained. A beautiful, melodic tone that brought tears of pain to Kate's eyes.
"Sunshine, why are you crying?"
Kate peered through her wet lashes, slowly opening them to the darkness surrounding her. The edges of her vision were somewhat hazy, a wave of dizziness and confusion passing over her as she tried to push her torso upright. But all she could see was the ice storm still bearing down from all sides, not another soul anywhere to be found. And within seconds, her body began to tremble again, falling upon the cold, wet ground as a desperate whimper escaped her lips.
"Who hurt you, my love?"
"J-Julia?" Kate rasped, as she saw clear blue eyes above her. "Y-You're here?"
She attempted to reach out, but her body began to shake even more frantically against the wind and cold.
"You'll never be alone, sunshine. Not in this lifetime."
A sob escaped Kate's mouth, tears, rain, and ice blinding her vision. "But y-you're—you're gone," she wept hoarsely, curling into herself as she trembled in pain. "You're…. gone. He….he…killed you. You're…gone…"
Kate jolted, groaning in agony as she heard the gunshot again—saw the orange flash—heard the lapping water—
"Julia…no…don't…" she whispered, blue shining eyes waxing and waning in and out of her vision, before all Kate could do was devolve into broken, hoarse sobs, her body nearly convulsing with the force of her grief.
"I'll be here."
"He…he…took you…. took you from me…" Kate tried to move, tried again to reach for her friend, but the more she willed her body to respond, the heavier and colder it felt, as if it had become part of the icy ground she was laying upon.
"Sunshine, I'll keep you safe. You just have to trust me."
Kate's chest ached as more hollow cries wracked harshly through her body. "I—I tried. I—I tried s-so hard. I promise…I tried…please…. please know…. I t-tried…."
Blinking hard through her tears, Kate noticed the edges of her vision getting darker, her body much heavier.
"He loves you."
Kate found herself suddenly atilt, as if something was changing. As if the very environment around her was slowly subsiding into something completely different. Something dry and empty. Something quiet. And within minutes, she began to realize just how tired she was—so fucking tired. But Julia had just said something, hadn't she? Yes, she must have. She had just heard her say something.
Something she could have sworn she had said during one of their conversations from months ago. Or was it?
"He doesn't," Kate mumbled almost inaudibly in response, her lids so heavy she could barely hold her eyes open. "You're…wrong. He…he…doesn't…"
But Julia did not answer again. Because she wants me to rest, Kate thought to herself.
"Don't leave," she whispered somewhat urgently as she felt her eyes fully closing. "I don't wanna…don't wanna be alone…please…not yet..."
However, Kate found she couldn't wait for a reply as darkness enveloped all her senses and she finally gave into the overpowering weariness in her limbs.
Spot felt his heart pounding in his chest as his eyes frantically scanned the surrounding riverfront for any sign of Kate. The sleet storm had abated somewhat within the last few minutes, but the night was cloudy, and he struggled to see clearly through the darkness surrounding him.
"Kate!" he called, cuffing his wet, gloved hands around his mouth, both to warm them and amplify his somewhat hoarse voice.
But he was met with only silence in the minutes that followed as he made his way carefully up and down the area, keeping his eyes out for any movement and his ears tuned to any slight sound.
Any sign of life.
He sighed, shaking his head as he ran his hands through his wet hair, attempting to keep the ever-building panic at bay. Where the fuck was she? High tide wasn't for several more hours, and he knew there was nowhere else she would have gone. Not to do something like this.
"Kate!" he yelled again, his voice cracking at the force of his cry.
His thoughts began racing as he felt the wind pick up speed again. There had to be some answer. Something he wasn't thinking of. Goddamit, he always had a plan, didn't he? An alternative scheme for when things turned to shit. He'd lived his whole fucking life waiting for the other shoe to drop. But now, when his quick instincts and clever strategies were of the utmost importance, he was coming up empty-handed.
"Fuck!" The howl of frustration—of pain and terror—escaped his lips as he looked helplessly around him. This couldn't be happening. He couldn't be too late or wrong. She was here—she had to be.
Shutting his eyes, he willed himself to think, to come up with anything beyond falling to his knees and praying for help. But his gaze suddenly became wide when a sharp gust of wind passed by him.
Was that…crying?
He attempted to steady his heartbeat, focusing all his attention on trying to separate out individual, irregular sounds from the consistent wailing of the wind and river. And sure enough he heard it again—a soft, hoarse sob coming from several yards away, at the edge of the bank.
He rushed through the darkness, trusting his ears more than his eyes as another, softer cry rang out into the night. And then, finally, he saw her. Covered in ice and soot—nearly identical to the ground she lay upon—was the small frame of Katherine Moore.
Spot dropped to his knees, instinctively brushing off as many layers of cold dirt as he could before attempting to determine what kind of state she was in. The clothes on her body were soaked through, her skin pale and icy to the touch. He saw his cap had fallen off next to her head and her short dark hair was filthy, wet tendrils sticking haphazardly across her face.
His heart nearly stopped at her lack of movement, his eyes wide in panic. But after a few moments, a shudder wracked her body, her lips, though blue, mumbling something almost completely incoherent.
Spot let out a heavy breath. She hadn't gone down to the rocks—she hadn't made it to the icy water of the river—that would have surely already killed her.
She was still alive. But not for long if he didn't act quickly.
"Kate," he said loudly next to her ear, wiping the wet hair out of her face, before cupping her head solidly in his hands. "Kate, c'mon. You gotta wake up."
"Kate!" He gave her a firm shake, holding his breath for several seconds, watching for any sort of real response from her cold, still form. But only her shallow breathing sounded in response.
"C'mon…c'mon! You can't do this—not now! Not after all the other shit—just—" his voice cracked as he again shook her form, finally moving his arms down to pull her thin, wet body tightly into his hold.
"Stick with me this one last time, alright—alright?" he said into her ear before slowly he stood upright and carefully positioned her across his chest and over his shoulder.
"One last time, okay?—and I promise—I fuckin' swear, it'll never get this bad again. Okay?"
His panicked, tearful voice sounded almost unrecognizable—completely out of the ordinary to his own ears. But then, so was everything else about this situation—about the very girl in his arms. It always had been, ever since he had first met her challenging green-eyed stare all those years before.
Her presence was life-altering. Life-affirming. And he sure as hell wasn't going to let her give up after everything she had already fought through.
Even if he had to be the one to fight this round by himself for her.
He didn't stop to catch his breath, to allow his brain to register the painful protest his legs, arms and chest had been signaling for hours at that point.
He focused on Kate's breathing instead—the low gasps fueling his mad dash back to Mary's apartment. Back to safety, warmth, but most importantly, hope.
Because this was not how their story ended. It couldn't be.
And so he pushed on with every single fiber of will power he had left to use, closing the distance between Kate and home.
Breathlessly whispering "I love you," into her neck with each nearing step.