DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything from the Naruto universe.

Thinking (+ flashbacks, Naruto speaking to Kurama, etc.)

Emphasis

Bijuu, etc. speaking

Bijuu, etc. thinking

"Dumb kit," Kurama growled, frantically trying to heal his unpredictable little vessel.

"Nii-san," the little blonde said in a broken whisper, trying to look around but realizing that she was covered with something slimy and in a completely dark place. She panicked, afraid that she was back in the snake's lair.

"DON'T MOVE! WHY the hell did you try to reverse summon yourself?!"

"I couldn't... win," she coughed, "I c-"

"Don't talk! Just shut up, moron." The girl started to cry. "Don't -ah! Don't cry you... imouto," he called her, nearly rolling his eyes as he did so.

He didn't mind being called nii-san, because it was something of a code word between them, but calling the kit his little sister was another matter entirely. It was especially embarrassing being that the asshat was here.

"What is the meaning of this, Kyuubi?!"

Naruto tried to clear her vision by blinking her eyes rapidly. She tried to wipe her eyes with her arm but it hurt too badly. There was a very light green glow on her chest and face, but that was a man's voice she just heard, not Tsunade-shishou's or Shizuneechan's. "Who's there?"

"Shut up, moron, we're trying to heal you," Kurama sneered, unable to stop himself no matter how worried he was. "Fine," he said, relinquishing the situation he found himself in to fate and the damn devil. "Tch! Yondaime, I'm going to do something stupid that you better never tell anyone about, ever!"

Minato gasped when a demonic tail was wrapped around him. Surprisingly, his chakra didn't burn up like he anticipated it would - damn fox; what's his game? He suddenly felt stronger, more like himself, and he was able to fully use iryo-ninjutsu. He watched anxiously as his little girl's eyes opened wide as his jutsu lit up the abyss they were in. Still shocked that the fox was helping him heal Naruto; he blew out the breath that he was holding, thinking of how odd it was that he could actually breathe as a chakra construct. "Naruto," the blue eyes that matched his child's, exactly became teary. "Daddy's got you, honey. Just breathe calmly and stay still; then you can tell me what happened." He turned slightly, his face never leaving his daughter's. "Kyuubi, what is this all about?"

"Kit was attacked and we took several ANBU down."

"ANBU?" Minato's thoughts were mixed with wondering if his daughter - his TINY daughter - had already lost control of the Kyuubi without his knowledge, if the village was alright considering that ANBU was involved in whatever had happened before he "woke up" again, and worrying about his student, whom he had allowed to enter the organization. Allowing Kakashi to join ANBU was one of the many things he deeply regretted now. "You said 'we?'" The Kyuubi growled at him, but Naruto chose to speak.

"Bad guys," she swallowed. In a quiet voice, she continued. "Nii-san said they weren't going to bring me to Jiji. I knew better, too." Time passed before she had the strength to speak again. "Hey, who are you?" Naruto didn't understand why that made the man look so sad. "Your head looks spiky like Daddy and Papa's, and you've got hair like me. ...But, you're small."

The Kyuubi started snickering. Snickering!

"OI!" Naruto tried to yell at the fox, breaking out in a series of coughs. She wasn't quite sure what was happening or where exactly she was on the outside, but she realized that Kurama had messed with her about the giant head of her papa on the Mountain! "You bastard! You lied to me, didn't you? Fucker!"

"NARUTO-CHAN!" Minato hollered, completely horrified by her language. "Princess you can't use that kind of language! And," he continued, his voice softening, "as for your previous question, I am your daddy, honey."

"No," Naruto said, beginning to feel much better although she was still tired, "Daddy's got silver hair, but it sticks up like yours. Are you my papa?"

Her little face was squished up so cutely, Minato melted, despite saying that he wasn't her daddy. Wait: silver hair? "Yes?" he asked more than said, looking toward the Kyuubi who only rolled his demonic eyes at him again. "Are you talking about Kakashi-kun, honey?"

"Hai," she said, closing her eyes. She couldn't believe Kurama would lie to her about her giant papa. On the other hand, yes she could. Kurama-nii-san could be an irritating asshole.

"What happened to Jiraiya-sensei?" Minato asked her as much as himself.

"Grandpa Pervert?" Her papa's eyes widened before he chuckled - if that's who he really was. She thought his voice and laugh were really nice, though. Accidentally thinking of back when she used to be alone, she asked the question she really hadn't mean to: "Where have you been?"

Minato bit his lips and saw that his daughter's were quivering. "Oh, Naruto... I didn't think I'd see you for a very long time. How old are you now, honey?"

"Don't call me honey. That's perverted."

"What?!" Minato couldn't help but look back and forth between his prone daughter and the Kyuubi.

"She's your half-Uzumaki daughter: it really shouldn't be such a surprise," Kurama said dryly. "She's really quite horrible."

Naruto gave him the finger. She was immediately scolded for it but tried to sit up more before being pushed back down. She felt dizzy. "Nuh-uh, you're wrong, Papa Person. Daddy said that I should only give the finger to those that truly deserve it."

"Oh Kami," Minato whispered and cleared his throat. "As grateful as I am that Kashi stepped up, I left my daughter in the hands of poorly or wrongly-socialized nincompoops," he mourned. He had been too afraid for his child's life, then immediately struck with both horror of the condition she was in and excitement that he was touching her - or at least touching her chakra - that he hadn't considered the memories he had of Naruto being... Oh gods, my poor little baby...

...Of Naruto being tortured by Orochimaru.

"You saved her," he breathed. It was a terrible realization that the Kyuubi had done a far better job than he had as her father. "Thank you, Kyuubi-san."

"Hmph."

"How did she get to this state, though? And why is this taking so long?" He didn't want to leave. Hell, Minato never wanted to leave! But Naru-chan should have healed soon after he arrived on the scene, especially after he was able to finally speed and fully use his medical ninjutsu.

Thanks to the Kyuubi.

Dear Gods, he felt like he was in the Twilight Zone.

"Brat seems to be connected to more than one summoning realm. Had I not grabbed her, she would've split her chakra coils in half. As it was, her physical body began to... fail," Kurama said, feeling sick although he'd never admit it. "We're now in the void."

"The void between dimensions, or... summoning realms?" Minato sighed heavily as he considered everything, pinching his temples with the hand not engaged with healing his child.

"Who knows?"

"I read about the void between summoning realms once, but it was in a fairytale. Either way, I should be able to get her to the toads if I have enough chakra."

"Ye-uchh. Those toads are disgusting," Kurama said to himself as much as the asshole who split him in half. At least the fucker had given him Naruto. If he had to be imprisoned, it was better to be inside someone that didn't hate and chain him for simply existing. "Whatever. I'm counting on you, Yondaime."

Minato nodded his head and pulled his daughter into his lap. "Naruto, I don't know if I'll be able to help you after today, so there are a few things I need to tell you while we heal you, okay? You can give this information to Jiraiya-sensei or Kakashi-kun, alright?" Naruto nodded her head and Minato spun the tale of what had happened on the night she was born.

Jiraiya had been carefully studying "civilian mating rituals:" he had just watched as the teenage boys he was observing excitedly struggled to place bikini-clad teen girls on their shoulders in a game of "chicken," when Gamabunta had appeared from out of nowhere, scaring everyone away.

"Even when I DON'T summon you, you defy me," Jiraiya whined. "What the hell are you doing here, Bunta?!"

"Tch, idiot!" Gamabunta sneered. "Naruto's in trouble!"

"What? Let's get to the village," the pervert said, attempting to keep a clear head as he tried to speed away. He was grabbed by the Toad chief before he could take off running any farther.

Gamabunta grabbed his pseudo-summoner up into his large hand and reverse summoned them to the Toads' Mountain. "She's here with Ma and Pa," the Toad Chief explained. "Jiraiya," Bunta said in what to him was a whisper, "Minato brought her here."

"What? That's impossible! Minato's…"

"Dead," Gamabunta agreed dismally, bounding down in front of Ma and Pa's small home. "Go," he directed the perverted shinobi he didn't particularly care for. "Pa will explain everything."

Jiraiya rushed into his former instructors' home, asking for his goddaughter and apologizing briefly for entering without permission and keeping his sandals on as he sought out his goddaughter. Seeing that Naru-chan was asleep in his old bed as Ma watched over her made him feel better, although he was still incredibly confused. Lady Shima, always asking to be referred to as simply "Ma" pushed him out of the room as she guided him back into her home's kitchen.

Lord Fukasaku, more familiarly known as "Pa" was drinking. A Lot. Jiraiya knew that was never good. "Pa? What Bunta said - about..." He couldn't even say Minato's name, it was so painful in the current context. And impossible. "Tsk. How did Naruto get here?"

Pa looked up at his lone summoner - well, not for long, I suppose, he considered - and tried to smile at the boy but it was just too difficult. What he'd witnessed within the last hour had really shaken him. A logical man -er, toad, he began from where all things should start: the beginning. "You asked Kichi to stay with Naruto." Jiraiya nodded his head, his expression openly showing how in the dark he was. "ANBU tried to take her... Kichi assisted Naru-chan ."

"He's... he's barely more than a tadpole," Jiraiya said, reeling back in shock. He had only asked Gamabunta's second-youngest to stay with Naru-chan so that she'd be entertained - and so he could later be entertained from the stories the little one would later regale him with about Naru's silliness. And to make sure that she was safe.

"Yes, he is," Fukasaku said rather darkly.

"I'm sorry," Jiraiya said, bowing from his seated position as he shook his head. "I had no idea that he would... fight for the little princess."

"He's incredibly fond of her," Pa sighed, knowing that Jiraiya would never intend to put any of their young in danger. "And I suppose that even after this, he'll still want to accompany her. He's a," Pa paused and sighed fondly. "Well, he's a disobedient little brat, and I can picture him, one day, being Naru-chan's familiar."

Jiraiya allowed a chuckle to escape his lips, before unsteadily resolving himself to find out what Bunta had been talking about when he brought him here. Gamabunta wouldn't lie: he was Minato's familiar, and the two had been close ever since Minato first summoned him as a teen. "Pa, Bunta said that Minato brought her here."

"His chakra did," Pa replied as he quickly tossed back that odd dark liquor that the toads made here along with their excellent sake. Jiraiya waited for a full explanation, almost wanting to take a shot, himself. He'd only drank that strange brew once, and he'd hallucinated for days afterward, though, so he ultimately knew better. He looked around and saw the sake and grabbed it.

"Naru-chan showed up sometime after Gamakichi came back to us, frantic but exhausted. Poor little Kichi passed out before he could explain," Pa continued, before raising one huge eyebrow Jiraiya's way. "Bunta is ANGRY about it, Jiraiya. Although once again grieving, don't forget that - so be careful around him."

"Yeesh," Jiraiya muttered, slumping back down in his seat.

"Yes," Pa drawled, "Well... Minato's form was Naru-chan's shadow clone," he said gravely, obviously still mourning his former summoner. "Genius that he is, he'd put his and Kushina-chan's chakra into Naru-chan's seal. He claims that the Kyuubi is an ally..."

Jiraiya's palms came down hard on the table. "How do we know the Kyuubi didn't manipulate Naruto into this supposed chakra construct..?" he hissed.

"I KNOW, Jiriaya-chan. I am a SAGE, for blasted sake, and I KNOW that was Minato-chan's chakra," he growled out defensively. "His voice, his scent over Naruto-chan's..."

"I apologize," Jiraiya said almost insincerely as he rubbed at the stubble on his chin. It was just so impossible to believe that the raging, hate-filled, foul chakra entity that was the Kyuubi could possibly be an ally. He sat back in his chair as Pa continued to drink, closing his eyes. "Her 'nii-san," he scoffed, then let out a dry choke of laughter. "The one Naru refers to as 'Nii-san' is the Kyuubi."

"Indeed."

"Shit, that's dangerous," Jiraiya exclaimed. "Kami-sama, if the villagers ever find out - if even sensei realizes she's in contact with the Kyuubi..."

"Oh, they know that now," Pa said with a hiccup. "She channeled its - his, I suppose - chakra when she battled the ANBU. Minato believes she managed to kill a squad of them, Jiraiya-chan. The Kyuubi allowed him to see exactly what happened. That snake trained her well. We're fortunate that Orochimaru didn't have her sign the snake's summoning contract. I also believe that Hashi-kun, is it? Naru-chan thinks he was taken."

"Oh God, I hope not," Jiraiya said in alarm. "Tsunade will be on the warpath."

"So will Kashi-chan. Let me explain..."

Less than a half-hour later, Jiraiya appeared in the village in Sage mode and groaned at what he saw. Parts of the village had been destroyed again, although he could sense that no lives had been lost. "Oh, Tsunade..."

Fuck. Was she going to get thrown out of the village for this? She probably wouldn't even care, if she couldn't find her nephew figure.

Jumping down from the steps that led up to the Hokage Mountain, he avoided looking back at the carving of his student's head as he normally did. It was just too painful. If only Minato's spirit - or chakra, whatever it was - could've come to me. What I'd give to see him again... Feeling the familiar but spiking chakra of his student's student coming through the Western gate, he sped toward him, his goddaughter still sleeping in his arms.

"INU!"

"Jiraiya-sama," Kakashi panted, grabbing his daughter as he pulled up his headband and inhaling her scent, making sure that she was alright. "She's chakra-exhausted! What the hell happened?" he growled.

"You - fuck," the explanation would probably be even more difficult for Kakashi than it had been for him. "I'll explain later. Take her to safety, secure your location, and don't let anyone in - not even sensei - while I go to subdue Tsunade." Jiraiya turned to Kakashi's team, who were looking toward the smoking section of the village in something akin to horror. "YOU!" The team snapped to attention. "This is an SS-ranked secret! You will say nothing about what you've seen or heard to anyone, and I mean ANYONE," he said darkly, his voice nearly snarling. "Dismissed!"

The team agreed: they had no choice. Jiraiya was the head of both outside intelligence as well as ANBU, although only the black ops knew it.

Danzo found that "Hashi-kun's" company was pleasant, for all that it mattered. The boy was respectful, fearful, and careful. They were all good traits for him to begin working with, considering the boy's abilities and older-than-preferred age.

"Son," he said, moving forward and grasping his hands together in a farcical expression of anxiety, "I am... so, so sorry that you were held in that horrible place," he continued looking away from the confused teen. I'm actually dismayed and will take revenge on Orochimaru for not admitting that he'd successfully implanted the Shodai's cells in an important tool for this village. "As your father..."

"You're.. my father?" Hashi exclaimed in a confused whisper before apologizing for interrupting.

Danzo chuckled, careful for this conversation to remain light and warm. "I know I am an old man, my son, but yes. I... haven't always looked like this. You... have your mother's eyes," he lied. Well, he didn't really know, but he did know how to bend children to his will. He watched as the young man's eyes teared up in wonder and sadness, knowing that these emotions would have to be slowly snuffed out in order to make him a perfect tool for Konoha. "Would you like me to tell you about her?"

"Please, sir. Very much!" Hashi-said.

"Alright, Kinoe. Let's see... where should I begin?" He asked himself falsely, rubbing his scarred chin as he began to weave a fictitious tale.