Chapter 48 – Broken Memories
Soon he would have his children and wife back. The thought of this filled Vader with new courage, despite there being so many questions buzzing around in his head. Palpatine had decided to help him out with that. But it wasn't his sole intention. The Sith had promised to show him something after they would finish on Alderaan. Vader had never seen the man so gleeful. He wasn't sure what Palpatine intended to do but it had to be important that the emperor was in such good spirits. They had left Coruscant rather fast. Although the Jedi were still hiding in Coruscant's underground, his master had left the further proceedings in the hands of General Grievous. But not without making the necessary preparations - like setting the bombs to drive the traitors to the surface. If the fugitives made it through the ground barricades, they would not leave the planet's atmosphere alive at the latest. No one was currently leaving the planet without a pass.
Vader didn't know what to think about the cyborg. Somehow, he didn't like him, even though he couldn't even say what it was that bothered him. He just had a strange feeling in the presence of the general.
Lost in thought, he wandered through the long corridors of the Negotiator. Taking the venator had been Palpatine's idea. It still wore the name from the time of the Republic and in addition to that, it reminded him of Kenobi. Vader didn't like that. The jedi master was a mystery for him. He was his his captor, his oppressor. And yet, things didn't add up. Why should he visit the man in the healing halls if he hated him so much? Or was the crystal just creating a twisted illusion?
As if automatically, the Force led him to a certain door. Vader came to a shuffling halt in front of it, looking at the bare metal of the panel. This door looked like all the others. And yet he knew that he might find answers here. With the flex of a finger, it slid open and he entered the small room beyond.
The quarters were surprisingly bare. Only scattered datapads on the desk and a few cups on a shelf on the wall revealed that someone had been here, even if only for a short time. There wasn't much to see. A small bunk was to his left, set into the wall, and a tea kettle, obviously much used, stood on a table in the corner. In addition, there was an adjacent refresher, but this was nothing out of the ordinary.
Frowning, Vader settled into the chair behind the desk. Why had the Force lured him here?
He let his eyes wander over the desk again until they stopped on a metallic, cube-like object. He hadn't noticed it at first among all the datapads. Curious, he grabbed the object and held it with both hands to inspect it more closely. It was perhaps the size of a holocron, but Vader would recognize one. No, this cube had narrow joints on its faces and it looked like it could open. Again, the Force whispered to him. Vader tilted his head and let his finger glide over the surface until it caught on some kind of switch. Suddenly, it dawned on him what he was holding in his hands and it let him pause for a moment. A holocube. That one was a rather outdated model, probably over twenty years old, but it did its job. Store pictures.
Thinking, he chewed on the insides of his cheeks. Should he really open this? This had to belong to someone and it didn't feel right to just invade someone's privacy. Even if that one was his enemy. Yet the Force was still calling out to him, almost urging him to go ahead.
Signing his defeat, he pressed the switch. With a soft, surring sound, the cube opened up. Its faces nearly tripled in size and a few, flickering holopictures came alive.
The first holo that caught his eye was definitely the oldest one. A small group of jedi younglings was sitting huddled on a small patch of grass, each of them smiling. A Kiffar, a Mon Calamari, a Dresselian and two human boys. Vader frowned. The boy with the reddish hair looked familiar.
Kenobi?
He turned the cube in his hands and looked at the next photo. Again, the boy was on it, a little older this time, maybe thirteen years old. But what struck him most was the situation in which Kenobi and the girl with the flaming red hair, who was sitting next to him, found themselves. Both looked exhausted and emaciated, skin and clothes so dirty that hardly a clean piece could be seen. Kenobi's hair was disheveled and an abrasion adorned his cheek. At his feet lay an old sniper rifle. They appeared to be in some kind of cave system. But despite the grim scenery, a shallow smile appeared on the boy's lips. He was looking down, at the guitar in his hands.
Kenobi didn't look evil at all. Not like the monster Palpatine described him as.
The next picture showed him in his late teenage years. He was standing next to a tall man with long brown hair and a beard. A padawan braid was draped over Kenobi's shoulder. Vader guessed that the man next to him must have been his master. His eyes drifted back to Kenobi. He looked so much different from how he remembered him. No scar on his head. No beard. His features so much younger.
Things just didn't add up for Vader. More and more drawn in, he also looked at the next picture. The version here looked more similar to the one he knew. The beard was there, but also here the man seemed to be younger than now. He had his arm around a blond woman who reminded him very much of the Duchess of Mandalore.
That couldn't be, could it? Jedi were not allowed to have relationships.
Confused, he skipped to the next image, which appeared to show a camp during the war. Kenobi was sitting in a tent with a few clones, which he assigned to the 212th based on the yellow markings on their armor, playing Sabacc. From the camera perspective one could catch a glimpse of the Jedi's cards.
Vader snorted. Of course, Kenobi was winning.
The last holo almost made him lose his grip on the cube. The picture couldn't be old. Maybe one or two years at most. Smiling back at him were Kenobi, a young Togruta padawan – and himself. He looked… happy. The young girl had her arms draped around each of their necks, so both him and Kenobi were crouching a bit to compensate for her smaller height. He himself was grinning brightly, his face flushed from laughter. Kenobi, on the left side of the trio, had his head turned a little towards them, pride sparkling in his eyes that only a father could muster for his children.
A little unsteadily, Vader set the device back onto the table. His head ached. Kenobi was not the good guy. He had taken his family, had taken his freedom.
Or not?
The buzzing noise in his head returned fiercely and Vader began rubbing his temple absently. It felt like electric currents were surging through his brain.
Vader still remembered that day in prison. Palpatine had promised him that as soon as he had cut the connection to Kenobi, he would be free. But the longer he thought about it, the more he realized that this was not the case. He did not feel free. Only empty. Even if his master supported him in everything, the thought did not let him go that something was wrong. It was as if something prevented him from thinking about it. He had expressed his concerns about his constant headaches to Palpatine, but he had blamed it on stress. After that, they had never talked about it again.
His gaze lingered again on the photo on the cube. Kenobi had looked so terrified when he had severed their bond. But fear hasn't been the only thing he had sensed. There had been so much pain reflected in those blue eyes that Vader had briefly felt the need to end the man's suffering once and for all.
Anakin.
That's what Kenobi had called him. Palpatine had told him that that was the name of a slave. A mirror of what he has been.
Vader.
The name was emanating power and authority. Independence.
But it didn't make sense. The jedi had mentioned his mother, Shmi Skywalker. If Kenobi didn't care about him, how did he know his mother's name? And why had he looked so worried? Or was it all a lie?
Who am I really?
Again, it felt like an electric shock was shooting through his head. Vader squeezed his eyes shut and suppressed a groan, trying to breathe through the sharp pain.
Luckily, it subsided after a few minutes and he was able to open his eyes again. The persons on the picture were still staring back at him. With a swift movement, he deactivated the cube, watching how its surface slipped shut again.
I should stop. This is wrong.
Vader knew he should return to his master. To map out their plan for getting his family back. And yet, he knew that there was more to be found here. He let his eyes wander around the room again. Nothing particularly caught his attention. He focused back on the desk before him and noticed a drawer underneath the tabletop. He gave it an experimental tug but it didn't budge.
It was locked.
Thinking about it for a moment, he began picking the lock with the Force. With an audible click, the drawer opened and Vader was able to pull it out. It was empty, except for a holoprojector. He picked it up with his mechanical hand, noting that there was a message stored on the device. It was over a year old.
He didn't know why, but almost automatically his fingers pressed the play button.
A shaky, blue hologram of Kenobi appeared in front of him. Only the top half of the man could be seen and Vader guessed that he was exactly sitting where he had taken his place now. The jedi looked tired, dark bags were underlining his eyes and he could tell that Kenobi was more than exhausted. And apparently not very happy, judging by the solemn expression on the man's face. The scar was also missing.
"… Hello Anakin…," the hologram spoke, "Well, at least I think it's you who will find this."
Kenobi let out a huff and turned his eyes downcast. "I don't really know why I am recording this… but I figured that it is better than leaving you to figure it out on your own."
Vader watched how Kenobi bit his lips and crossed his arms on the table, shifting his weight on them. He still wasn't looking at the camera. "I know it has been a long time since it happened… but maybe you remember the days after Qui-Gon had died."
Kenobi finally looked up. "I know I wasn't there for you - not like I was supposed to as your master… There was a lot to be sorted out and I didn't know how to handle all this." He pressed his lips into a thin line. "I was overwhelmed. And you had to suffer from it. I am sorry."
A fond smile appeared on the man's face. "I never regretted taking you as my padawan, Anakin... I know you still think I did it because of a promise I made to Qui-Gon. But the truth is - you gave me reason to fight. A reason to keep going even though I didn't see a point in doing so for a long time."
Vader didn't know what to make of this.
"You're a knight by now, have a padawan on your own." Kenobi's eyes drifted to somewhere to the side and Vader could only guess that he was looking on the cube. "I've probably never said it often enough... but I am so proud of you. I'm sure you'll be great master to Ahsoka."
His eyes returned back to the camera, but this time a certain sadness clung to them. "I know we haven't been on speaking terms for a long time now. And that's fine… I guess. As long as you're happy. You always longed for independence."
Kenobi sighed and let his shoulders slump. "The reason why I am recording this is… that there might be a time when I am not coming back from a mission anymore. And as you're my next of kin within the Jedi order… it leaves you to sort my things."
Something was stirring inside of his chest as he continued listening to Kenobi's words.
"I know I don't have many possessions… and you're free to choose to do whatever you want with them. But," he halted for a second before speaking again, "There's a small, wooden box underneath my bed... It contains Qui-Gon's lightsaber. Maybe – maybe you want to use it. I just… couldn't."
Kenobi shifted again in front of the camera, absently scratching his beard before dropping his hand. "The river stone I gave you for your thirteens birthday is also inside… I know you returned it after our last mission and," his voice broke shortly, "I understand if you don't want to have it anymore… but maybe you can give it to Ahsoka. Only if you want to, of course. She's your padawan after all."
The jedi ran a hand through his hair, carefully choosing his next words.
"There's also a letter inside. If you… if you can get that to Satine, I'd be grateful."
A knock sounded in the video, followed by the door opening, and Vader watched as Kenobi shallowly raised his head to look at the newcomer.
"... General, we have caught up to the Invisible Hand...," spoke a clone's voice.
The ginger-haired jedi bopped his head in acknowledgment. "Thank you, Cody. I'll meet you in the hanger in a few minutes."
The door clicked shut in the background and Kenobi refocused back on the camera. "Well, it seems my time is running short… I hope you'll never have to see this, Anakin. But for me it was important to get these words out before they are left unsaid and I'll regret it in the end."
Kenobi took a short breath and grabbed the holocube. He opened it like Vader had done before, revealing the same pictures. The jedi lingered on the one where they were crouching next to the Togruta girl.
"You've become my brother, Anakin. I know I always taught you that jedi don't form attachments… and I think somehow, I missed to explain to you that that doesn't mean that you're not allowed to feel or to love. It's natural to do so."
"The important thing is… that you don't let your grief and fear consume your heart when a beloved person eventually leaves you. It hurts. You've seen what it did to me after Qui-Gon left. But if you don't let go at some point - you will spiral down a path you can't come back from. And in the process, you will eventually hurt the people you hold dear."
"Keep an eye on your family… Ahsoka, Padme… they will all need you. And may… may reason always guide your actions. Farewell, Anakin."
When the video cut off with a flicker, Vader felt left in a depressing silence. He continued to stare at the now deactivated device, not knowing how to classify what he had just heard.
Kenobi had sounded honest. Too honest. More and more it felt like he was sitting in front of a large puzzle in which a large part of the pieces were missing. He was jerked out of his thoughts when suddenly his commlink beeped. Still mentally befuddled, he activated the connection. "Yes?"
"Meet me on the bridge," his master's voice rang out, "There's been a change of plans."
"Of course, Master."
With that, the connection was cut, and before he knew better, Vader had shoved the holocube and holoprojector into the pockets of his robes. Stiffly, he stepped out into the corridor and let a few clones pass.
When he arrived on the bridge a few minutes later, Palpatine gave him a suspicious look over his shoulder before turning back to the viewport occupied by the glowing blue-green planet of Alderaan. "Where have you been my boy?"
Vader didn't know why, but he lied knowingly. "I've been meditating, Master. You said there was a change of plans?"
The Sith hummed in thought, stroking his wrinkled chin. "Yeah... that damned old troll Yoda showed up. Made it to Alderaan before we did."
Palpatine turned to him. "That means Kenobi will have powerful support."
An uneasy feeling spread through Vader's stomach. "What do you propose?"
His master placed a hand between his shoulder blades. "Come with me. We will strike now. I'll handle Yoda, you take Kenobi."
Master and apprentice walked quickly towards the hangar, where some clones of the 212th were already waiting. Together they boarded a gunship and before he knew it, they left the star destroyer and headed towards the surface.
"Let's connect before the fight," his master said, kneeling on the floor of the transport. Still a little overcome, Vader did the same and closed his amber eyes. His master's presence pressed against his own, and soon he felt himself visibly calming down, his goal clear before his eyes again.
Get my family back. Kill Kenobi.
I know you were probably expecting the fights... xD Sorry! I find those are always the hardest to write, but I promise they'll start in the next chapter.