Author Notes - So, according to a book written by Matt Groening himself, the patriarch of the Bouvier family was named Clancy. Which is somewhat annoying, since Chief Wiggum's first name is Clancy too. Granted, that exact same book said that Jacqueline was named 'Ingrid', so the canonicity of it is debatable, but as far as I'm aware this is the only time his name is mentioned. Correct me if I'm wrong, cos I haven't watched much of the later seasons though I do want them to be referenced whenever possible.

Oh, yeah. If a modern episode shows an interesting backstory or a fun little reveal that doesn't horribly contradict what came before it (looking at you, 'That 90s Show'...), it will likely be used in this story. After all, while most of the later seasons are garbage there's still some good stuff out there, such as 'Brick Like Me' and 'Barthood'.

In fact, there's a reference to a little reveal in the Season 22 episode 'The Blue and the Gray', which of course had some contradictions about how Marge apparently didn't know her hair was naturally gray, which is... alright then. If you haven't seen that episode, I recommend you at least read its recap page on TV Tropes cos the reference in question won't make sense otherwise.

CHAPTER TWO - A THIRD SISTER

1955... Because Clancy and Jacqueline thought that twin daughters weren't enough.

'I'm the older one, so I get naming dibs!'

'Nuh uh! I'm the pretty one, so I should name her!'

Clancy rolled his eyes, and took another puff of his cigarette. It wasn't to help him cope with his daughters or anything like that; he just liked smoking. It was the only thing to do while he sat in the hospital waiting room, listening to his little girls argue over who would get to name the new kid. Jacqueline had already been rushed to the hospital after her water broke, and there was no way the twins were going to miss out on this. He just wished they didn't take both seats next to him, leaving him sandwiched between them and their silly argument.

'Girls, girls!' He said, taking a quick moment to cough into his hand. 'Neither of you are getting naming rights! That's your mother's job.'

The twin girls turned away from each other, both groaning like an annoyed vacuum cleaner. Moments like this, where the both of them were seemingly the same person yet split into two completely different opinions, Clancy had to stop for a moment to remember which twin was which. If memory served him correctly, Patricia - who happened to be older by a couple minutes - was the red-headed one, while the slightly-younger Selma was the blonde. He glanced at them just to be sure. Yeah, he was ninety percent certain that was correct.

All the other people in the room were giving them looks, but Clancy ignored them and took in another breath of his smoke instead. Were they staring at him because his daughters were being rather bratty? Or was it because he was a smoking man hanging out with two little girls who barely looked like him? He did have the latter happen to him a lot, after all. A brunette man with two little girls, one a ginger and the other a blonde? He couldn't really blame them for the suspicions.

'Um, sir?' A random woman in the waiting room asked. 'Are they your little girls?'

He breathed out a whole chest full of smoke. 'Yes, of course.'

The woman sighed in relief. 'Y-You sure? Can you keep them under control, please?'

He shrugged. 'What's the harm? They're only eight.'

While the woman, whoever she was, gave him a glare, Clancy just looked up at the clock. How long was it taking for the new kid to be born? He could've sworn the birth of the twins went by quicker than this, and they weren't even expecting Selma until the doctor suddenly told them a second girl was on the way. Then again, that may have been because he was there in the moment, and the idea of an unexpected twin had made time itself stop.

'So,' He said, exhaling more smoke. 'Do you think the new kid's gonna be a boy, or a girl?'

'Definitely a boy.' Patty said with a smug look on her face. 'Boys are always born after girls.'

Selma winced. 'I don't want a little brother. Boys are gross.'

Clancy laughed. 'You mean that I'm gross too?'

She gave him one heck of a look. 'Oh absolutely.'

Another puff of smoke later, Clancy glanced up at the clock again. Suddenly, his heart began to race. Should it really be taking this long? He hadn't heard a thing about Jacqueline since she was rushed into her room, and now that he was thinking about it for real it made sweat fall down his brow. His eyes darted to Selma, and his thoughts zoned out the intense argument she was having with her older twin.

Over the past eight years, he had mostly forgotten how the miracle of life almost turned to a day of horror and mourning. 'Sweet' little Patricia Bouvier was born, without a problem at all...

'A red-head daughter? Jacqueline, where in our family line is there a red-head?'

But that wasn't the end of it.

'Wait a minute. I think... I think there's a second baby!'

Turns out, the doctors had missed something. Or someone, in this case.

'A what?! H-How? We were only having one, right?'

It was only then that anyone knew that Selma was on her way.

'L-Look Sir, unexpected twins do happen. And this is one of those moments. Oh, and it's coming fast.'

He trusted the doctor, but he was still terrified.

'Oh jesus christ... don't twins have higher chances of something going wrong? Oh god... ohgodohgodohgod...'

An unexpected twin...

'Nobody panic. I'm sure I can... oh god.'

Confusion.

'What, doctor? What?!'

Shock.

'The cord... it's wrapped around-'

Panic.

'Oh, for the love of GOD, doctor... SAVE HER!'

Of course, Selma made it. He could see her right there, and he had seen her for eight years. But he didn't know that at the time. In the moment, as far as he was aware, he and his wife would have to mourn when they should've been celebrating.

What if it happened again, but more... catastrophically?

Without giving a warning to anyone, even his own daughters, he sprang from his seat and ran down the hallway. Sweat poured down his body like a crazed gunman was giving chase. Thank god he had memorised the room number.

'Daddy?' Patty asked with alarm. 'What's wrong?'

Selma groaned. 'Now look at what you've done! Daddy doesn't even want to listen to you anymore.'

'Hey, it wasn't my fault!'

'Was too!'

Despite never agreeing on whose fault it was, Patty and Selma ran after their father. It was hard keeping up with him - he had never run so fast before, even to break up a twin fight.

Please be okay, Jacqueline... Please let my new sweetie survive...!

The moment he reached the right door, he burst it open like he was trying to break into a bank. Only then could he stop to breath.

'Oh, greetings Mr Bouvier.' The doctor said, her eyes wide. 'I was just about to go get you.'

'IS MY NEW CHILD OKAY?!'

The doctor stepped back. 'Calm down, Mr Bouvier. Look for yourself.'

She motioned to the exhausted woman lying in the hospital bed, and Clancy nearly fainted from the relief that washed over him.

'Well... that was horrible.' Jacqueline said, gently stroking the back of her new child. 'Well, not as bad as when we almost lost - OH HI GIRLS!'

Jacqueline's heart attack was averted as the twins followed their father into the room; that was not a discussion she was ready to have with any of her children. Luckily for her, it was unlikely that they would've heard her anyway, as they were still trying to figure out who was to blame for making Daddy run off.

'It's always your fault when Daddy runs off!'

'Oh, that's a joke. YOU'RE the one who always makes him mad.'

'Am not!'

'AM TOO!'

For the first time in years, the twin fight didn't annoy Clancy or Jacqueline at all. How could they be worried about their arguing daughters when their beautiful new baby was right there in Jacqueline's arms? Clancy peered over the bed to get a good look at the Bouviers' newest member - a baby girl with little strands of brown hair, just like her mother's hair before Jacqueline dyed it an intense shade of blue.

Clancy chuckled. 'A third daughter? Heh. Guess I was never meant to have a son.'

Selma gave Patty a smirk. 'See? I told you it was gonna be a girl.'

'No you didn't!' Patty yelled back. 'You just said that boys were gross!'

'Which means I said it was gonna be a girl!'

'DID NOT!'

'DID TOO!'

Clancy sighed, coughing into his hand for a moment. Apparently, not even the arrival of their little sister could get the both of them to stop fighting. He paid them no attention, even as the doctor directed a deadly glare at them both. All that mattered to him at that moment was seeing his new baby daughter sleeping calmly in Jacqueline's arms.

'Sorry for keeping you waiting, Clancy.' Jacqueline said, her voice slightly restrained. 'There were a few complications. Nothing like what happened to, well, you-know-who, but still. I know you must've been worried.'

Clancy sighed again, this time with relief. 'It only needs to happen once.'

'Well, it won't ever happen again because this is certainly the last one we're having. The twins are enough work already.'

He laughed. 'I'm okay with that. This little darling is more than worth it. What are we naming her?'

'I thought that maybe you should name her this time. I got to name Patty and Selma, after all.'

Clancy's eyes widened. His mind came up blank for any sort of name. Geez, if he had known it would be his duty, he would've thought up a name months ago. As he brainstormed ideas, he awed at the baby girl. Despite being a wrinkly mess like all newborns, the way she slept in her mother's arms was the most precious thing that he had ever seen. Well, not quite as much as seeing Selma make it, but that was something else. That didn't count.

He smiled as the perfect name came to mind. 'Marjorie. Little Marjorie Bouvier.'

Jacqueline chuckled. 'Aw, come on. Patty and Selma are never going to remember that.'

'I think you're underestimating them.' He glanced back at them, only to see they were still fighting and slowly beginning to get physical. 'Then again, maybe not. We'll just call her Marge for short.'

'Aw, little Marge. It's perfect. You think our terrible twins will ever learn to love her?'

'I'm sure they will, whether it takes them until tomorrow or another fifty years. Who wouldn't love a darling little baby like her?'

Now, obviously, Clancy and Jacqueline loved their twin daughters like any parent would. At the same time, though, perhaps this little one wouldn't grow up to be so volatile.

Author Notes - Intentionally made it so the one who was straight remarked that 'boys are gross', cos having the lesbian say something like that as a child is too predictable and cliche. I actually don't know if the show ever established which twin was older, so I went with Patty only because her name is almost always mentioned first. If the show or staff have ever said that Selma is actually the older one, consider that non-canon to this story. It's a small thing, and I ain't changing it now.

You know what's really funny about Selma in this chapter? Between me writing her (and Patty) like a brat and giving her a rather horrible entrance to the world, you would not think that she's my favourite Simpsons character. No, I am not kidding. You can thank episodes such as 'Selma's Choice' and 'A Fish Named Selma' for that. You'll learn why later...

So, because of that, expect this story to involve them a lot. In fact, I may end up giving them a little too much screen-time if I'm not careful. I'll make sure to remember that the Marge chapters are supposed to be focusing on Marge, but this really is just as much the twins' story as it is hers. They're listed in the characters filter for a reason.