Author Notes - Hoo boy, now we're doing 'The Way We Weren't' from S15. It was a bit of an interesting episode, even if it really wasn't that necessary. I mean, did we need an episode detailing an event like this? I remember liking it when I was younger, but I didn't like it nearly as much when I rewatched it. This is probably one of the more 'accurate' chapters, but there are still some major differences.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN - TWO TRIPS TO SUMMER CAMP...

1965… Destiny works in mysterious ways. People who thought they met in adulthood very well may have met each other way back when.

Things hadn't improved much for Homer. His grades only plummeted further - which Abe insisted was caused by the so-called 'Simpsons Gene' - and teachers still treated him like crap. But, on the bright side, less and less kids were beginning to pick on him after the 'Strangling Incident'. After all, who would bully you if you always got the first hit? After a while, beating up other people got kinda fun.

Even if the bullies and the innocents began to blend together after a while.

As a bit of a present for his tenth birthday, his parents had organised him to go to a summer camp - Camp See-a-Tree! Mona said it was because he had been such a good boy and deserved a reward, while Abe wouldn't stop grumbling about 'finally being rid of him for a little while'. Either way, Homer could not be more excited.

He stared out the window as the car - bought only a year ago to replace the jeep, which had kinda died by this point - drove its way through the forest. It wasn't too rare for him to wander into an area such as this, thanks to his mother, but it was the first time his father had brought him out here.

'Are we sure this is a good place to send Homer?' Abe grumbled, as he drove through the woods. 'I mean, they're allowing… them into this camp now. Look, it's all over the brochure. I bet they're doing it just for the brownie points.

Mona buried her face in her palm. 'Of course you don't like that. I think it's great! This town's been so backwards for the past few decades, so it's great to see they're making progress. Who knows? Maybe Homer will make friends with one of them!'

'That's what I'm afraid of…'

The car trip didn't take too long at all, and very soon Homer was stepping out of the car with his suitcase in hand. As he looked up at the glorious wooden sign that opened the way, he noticed something in the camp's name: it was for underprivileged boys.

'Dad,' He said. 'Are you pretending to be poor just so I can get into camp?'

Abe winced. 'Yeah. Pretending. Let's go with that…'

Even from where he was standing, Homer could easily see rows upon rows of comfy-looking log cabins. There was a bit of litter, and a lot of the metal equipment in the open had grown quite rusty, but it seemed like a nice place to be. Before he could even set foot through the gate, he found himself wrapped up in his mother's arms.

'I'm so proud of you, Homer!' She said. 'You're gonna be on your own for two whole weeks! Are you excited?'

He chuckled. 'Yep! It's gonna be fun!'

'I hope it will be. I'll make sure to write to you next week, just so you know that I'm always there for you.'

They remained there, hugging each other for what would be the last time for two weeks, while Abe remained in the car and tapped his fingers against the steering wheel with impatience. After only a short while, he slammed his fist into the car horn and made both Homer and Mona jump.

'Okay, that's long enough!' He yelled. 'It's time to leave. Come on!'

Mona sighed. 'Well, I suppose this is it. Goodbye, Homie.'

She knelt down, and planted a soft kiss on his forehead.

'Bye, Mom!' He said, waving until she returned to her seat in the car.

He stayed in his spot, watching the car drive off with his parents, until it turned around and disappeared behind a grove of trees. Suddenly, his stomach churned - now he was alone, and it just dawned on him that he wasn't quite sure where to go.

'Well, hi there!'

He flinched, turned around, and saw a man standing right behind him. How he missed him, he would never know. This man donned a uniform and a badge, which screamed 'person of authority'. Homer assumed this man had to have been the 'leader' of sorts.

'What's your name, son?' The man asked.

'Homer, sir!' He said, speaking the way his father told him to. 'Homer Jay Simpson!'

'Ah, so you're the Simpson kid. If you'll kindly come with me, I'll show you to your cabin.'

Homer allowed his stranger to take him by the hand as he guided him through the park grounds. His cabin was right by a massive river, and as Homer was brought by the riverbend, he noticed a dock and some other log cabins on the other side of it.

'What's that over there?' He asked.

'That? Oh, that's the other side of the camp.' The man replied. 'Camp Land-a-Man. That's where the girls are.'

'The girls are on the other side? Why?'

'Well, we all know what boys and girls will do when they're mixed together.'

Homer didn't say anything, but he didn't quite understand the answer. The way the man said it made it clear there was a very good reason why the two couldn't mix, but he didn't get it. What would they do together that required them being so divided? He was so distracted by the question that he didn't even realise that the man had already brought him to his cabin, one of several that surrounded a campfire in the middle of a clear opening.

'This is where you'll be staying.' The man said. 'And you'll be sharing your room with two other boys.'

'Who?' Homer asked.

'Let's hope you know them, eh?'

Homer fluttered his fingers about as the man opened the door to the cabin. After years of primary school, he couldn't stand the thought of dealing with people who didn't know him that well. So he was beyond relieved when he saw a familiar face behind the door.

'Hey, Homer!' Lenny said, waving from the top of a bunk bed. 'I didn't know you were coming to this summer camp too!'

Homer smiled. 'Lenny!'

The bottom of the bunk bed was occupied too, and the young Simpson was quite shocked to find just who it was.

'Hi, Homer!' Carl said. 'Nice pad we got here, huh?'

Homer's mouth fell open. 'Carl, you gotta run! I-I can't be seen with you here!'

The man, to his surprise, just laughed, instead of convicting the black boy or doing anything even worse.

'Oh, don't worry about that.' The man said, tipping his hat. 'We're a progressive camp, so we're including people like your friend Carl. He's already proven that even people like him can do good!'

Carl mimed strangling the man while rage was etched in every square inch of his face, but immediately put on a big smile once the camp counselor turned around. Though he wasn't sure why his friend looked so mad for a moment, Homer was happy knowing that his closest friends (perhaps only friends) would be bunking with him for the next two weeks.

His attention was grabbed by the sound of footsteps among wooden floorboards, coming from right behind him. He turned around, and saw another boy who appeared to be at least a year or two older than him. And this boy was certainly no looker, and the rampant ache certainly didn't help. He wore shorts and a simple singlet, and hardly anything else.

'Uh, hi fellas,' He said, in a voice that screamed 'sleazy'. 'I'm Moe, and I'll be your junior counselor!'

The man laughed. 'He's not an official guide or anything like that. His parents just left him here a couple years ago and never came back.'

Moe laughed nervously. 'N-No, t-that's not true. T-They'll be back. I know it!' He paused. 'Uh, if any of you want me, I'll probably be sleeping under the upside-down canoes…' He punctuated this with a nervous grin.

The three younger boys all stared at him with varying levels of confusion and pity, with Lenny and Carl noticeably cringing. Homer could only wonder how stupid Moe's parents had to have been to just 'forget' about their own child like that.

'But we still keep him around!' The counselor said, giving Moe's back a hefty pat. 'Cos he helps around the place, and we don't have to pay him a nickel!'

Moe gritted his teeth. 'Listen here, you big pissrag. You better start paying me, or-!'

The man responded to his implicit death threat with laughter. 'Oh, Moe, you little rascal. You can't do something like that, or we'll have to take you to juvenile detention!'

That was enough to shut Moe up, and he just awkwardly backed out of the cabin. Possibly to go take a nap underneath some upside-down canoes. Homer couldn't figure out how someone could forget their child after two years. Moe must've been a bad kid, since even his own father hadn't forgotten him.

Homer spent much of that first day doing various camping activities with his two friends. Now that he didn't have to worry about keeping his friendship with Carl a secret, he made sure to take advantage of every opportunity they had.

First, they tried canoeing. Emphasis on 'tried' because they hadn't even thrown the thing into the river when Homer accidentally pushed Carl and Lenny into the river first. They had a good laugh about it - especially when Lenny whacked Homer with the oar - but that quickly went awry when that whack was enough to make Homer fall into the river face-down and partially unconscious.

After the hour or two required to recover from that, the trio of boys went on a hike for a good camping spot. It took a while, but they finally found one…

'AAAHHHHH!'

Which happened to be smack-dab in the middle of an airport runaway, and they were nearly hit by an oncoming plane. It took them a few more hours to return back to camp after that little incident. Come nightfall, this ended up getting them selected as 'privileged' enough to be brought upon a small boat and taken to see the other side of the river.

And this would go on to completely change Homer's experience at this camp…

'Come on, boys!' The Camp Counselor said, getting the boat ready to go. 'We gotta be quick or we'll miss the girls!'

Moe was coming along too, because apparently the three of them needed to be 'watched over' compared to the other boys. Once Homer and his two closest friends got themselves seated, the Camp Counselor drove the boat over to the other side of the river. Homer shivered slightly as the cold night air brushed against his skin. He couldn't help grinning at the thought of the (hopefully) pretty girls who he'd see from the boat.

'You boys ready to see some really cute girls?' Moe asked. 'Cos I know I am! Hehe… one of them will pay attention to me. I'm sure of it. If not, I swear…' His smile shifted to a teeth-grinding frown over the course of those last few words.

Lenny shrugged. 'I dunno. I never got the appeal of girls myself. Yeah, they're cute, but… boys are cuter.'

The Camp Counselor chuckled. 'Always good to have such a nice opinion of yourself!'

'No, I mean like other boys. Like, isn't Carl a lot nicer to look at than a girl?'

This got him confused and slightly worried looks from just about everyone, even Homer. The Camp Counselor's face was even contorted with what could only be described as disgust and horror. Carl, meanwhile, could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks.

'Wait…' Lenny said, his eyes widening. 'Is, like, finding boys cute weird or something?'

Carl gave him a shrug. 'I mean, I guess it isn't that weird. I think boys are pretty nice-looking too, just as much as the girls!'

Homer could hear the Camp Counselor mutter something under his breath.

'Oh god, I didn't think I'd get those kinds of kids in this camp…'

The Camp Counselor chose to pretend that conversation never happened, and brought the boat right up to the edge of the river. One of the cabins for the girls' side of Camp See-a-Tree stood right by the riverbank, and many of them sat and stood around the balcony where the boys could get a good look at them. Some were chatting, some were reading, and others were just enjoying the view.

'And here are those lovely little girls!' The Camp Counselor said, trying (and perhaps failing) to word it in a way that wouldn't sound creepy - he truly wasn't a creep, I swear.

Many of them waved to the cute boys in front of them, while a couple of them rolled their eyes while others more simply continued their preferred activities. Carl and Moe flashed some of them big flirty smiles, which got one of them to chuckle and the others to cringe.

'Still don't get the big deal.' Lenny said. 'Why would we go to the other side of the river just for them when we have all we need back at our side?'

'Shut up and let me have this one…' Carl whispered to him.

'I'm single!' Moe said. 'Very much single! For the love of god, just look my way…'

Homer rested his chin on the rim of the boat and smiled dreamily. He had to disagree with Lenny on this one - girls were very pretty. His eyes fell upon one in particular - she wore a lovely green dress, and her brown hair was so neat and shiny. Something about her just spoke to him, and made his heart a-flutter, but there were no words in the dictionary to describe exactly why.

And was she actually waving back?

Suddenly, a much older girl - who must've been at least eighteen - grabbed this little girl's wrist. This blonde-haired lady wore a dress too, though this one was blue. And she wasn't nearly as pretty as the little girl. Judging by that bandage wrapped around her hand, she must've been one of the tough ones.

'Don't give those boys any attention!' The older girl said. 'Look at the state of them. Is this a risk you wanna take?'

The little girl groaned. 'Selma, I know you care about me, but-'

'I'm trying to keep you safe, alright?'

Homer could only hope he didn't end up getting near that girl. The Camp Counselor drove the boat up to the dock and began slowing down… only to suddenly speed up fast enough to send the trio of boys toppling over before he came to a stop at the actual destination: a crummy-looking dock with a sign that spelled out 'SERVANTS' with twigs and glue.

'What the-?!' Homer cried.

'Servants?!' Carl and Lenny yelled at once.

Moe climbed out of the boat and onto the crummy dock. The look he gave Homer and his friends could only be seen as conniving or borderline evil, and from the dock he towered over them.

'That's right, dirtrags!' He said. 'You'll be doing kitchen duty tonight!'

'Don't you have people to do that for you?' Lenny asked.

'Using kids is a lot easier and saves a lot more money.'

Carl held his arms up in confusion and shock. 'Saves money? Saves money for what?! Do you see the state of this camp?'

Moe's evil smile fell. 'Yeah, well, we gotta have something to pay the lawyers with.'

Well, that was an easy way to ruin what would've been an amazing day…

Homer hated wearing these plastic gloves. And scraping vigorously at a stain with his steel wool, only for it to make little-to-no dent in whatever unknown dried fluid that was. Sauce? Cheese? Heck, even blood? He had no clue. The kitchen of this girls' camp was no less terrible than everything else, being a crowded mess of plates and suds.

'At least give me some cash!' Lenny complained, to no one in particular, as he wiped another plate clean. 'I'll do a lot for just a little bit of money.'

'I'm, like, ninety percent sure this is illegal.' Carl said, wiping his brow.

Seeing as this stain wasn't coming out, Homer gave up on it and placed it aside anyway. The rest of the camp wasn't exactly clean, so why would they complain about this one plate?

*WHACK*

'Ow!'

Moe would complain, apparently, since he just whacked Homer across the cheek with what appeared to be a used fly swatter.

'Don't half-ass your work, Fly-Boy!' He yelled. 'Unless you want only half an ass yourself!'

'N-N-No boss!' Homer said, returning to work.

The only thing that kept him going through this laborious work was the sound of the girls' voices. Him and his friends were being fed dirty trays and plates through a conveyor belt, and through the little chute he could hear them. For the most part, it was a mess of girls talking about what girls usually talked about. Make-up, clothes, world domination… occasionally with less typical topics, like sports. But there was one voice he could focus on: one particularly raspy compared to everyone else.

He sighed blissfully as he thought about the girl that voice must've belonged to. It had to have been the pretty brunette from before. Only she could have such a nice voice.

'Oh no!' She exclaimed. 'My retainer!'

He gasped - that wasn't a happy sound! It snapped him right back into reality. The very next tray to pass through the chute, indeed, had a kid-sized retainer resting right next to the empty glass of juice. He picked it up without a second thought, and rushed it over to the elevator that returned any washed trays.

'I'll get it!' He called, to whoever this girl was.

The retainer rose back into the cabin, rising slower and slower by the moment. At least, it felt like it was going super slow. Even when it disappeared, his fists wouldn't stop shaking from the anticipation.

'Oh, thank you, thank you!' The girl said, sounding overjoyed. 'Oh, you're so sweet!'

Homer chuckled. 'Well, I did eat sixteen pieces of pie.'

The girl giggled. 'And you're really funny, too!'

The young boy's heart rose like an overinflated hot air balloon. Not only was her voice so nice and lovely, but he couldn't remember the last time someone - other than his own mother - said such sweet things about him. And she hadn't even seen him yet!

He had to keep this up. 'Ya know, doing dishes is the best part of camp.'

This remark got him looks from the other boys, but he didn't notice. Even if he did, he wouldn't have cared.

'Why is that?' This mysterious girl asked.

'Because I get to talk to you.'

Quite frankly, Homer had no idea what he was doing. He was making everything up as he went along, a lot like this story's writer actually. But he knew he was doing something right when she responded with both a giggle and an 'awww!'.

'What's your name?' She asked.

He was about to answer truthfully, until another girl piped up.

'Ugh, you know how boys go.' This other girl said. 'They're all sweet and kind, and then they give you their name and it's big and stupid like… Billy Bob.'

'Heh… or Homer.' A third girl with a much raspier voice said.

A fourth girl, one with an accent Homer couldn't recognise, laughed. 'Big dumb Homer!'

And how did the first girl reply? 'Now I'm sure he's got a cooler name than Homer.'

Homer fluttered his fingers about, as usual for when he got nervous. He couldn't let this opportunity go past him. This girl was the first time another kid complimented him so much! No way he was going to let his 'big and stupid' name ruin it all. But what name could he possibly give?

'Uh, my name is… Elvis… Jagger… Abdul-Jabbar?'

Brilliant name.

Luckily, this got the girl laughing again. 'Now that's a really cool name! Say, Elvis… do you wanna, maybe, go out tonight?'

Homer suddenly choked on his own spit. Did he really just receive an invitation for a date? Him, the most unpopular lad in school?

'Uh, s-sure.' He said, sounding rather nervous about it. 'I-It shouldn't take me too long to clean all these dishes and stuff. A-After that, I guess.'

She giggled, once again. 'Okay, I'll meet you on the dock!'

It was a miracle that Homer didn't explode from the sheer anticipation and excitement. Finally, someone who willingly wanted to be out with him. He just had to not screw it all up…

'OH YEAH!'

'You da man, Homer!'

Once all the dishes were cleaned and the boys had made it out of the soapy hellhole, Homer received cheers and admiration from his two guy friends. It was enough to make his cheeks go red. Especially since they weren't too far away from the girls' kitchen hall, so there's a good chance people heard them.

'She's gonna be heads-over-heels for ya!' Lenny said, patting him on the back.

'Y-You really think so?' Homer asked.

'You're certainly unique.' Carl replied. 'If she's unique, you're good to go.'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'I get stuff like that all the time.'

Lenny reached into his pocket and pulled out a little silver thing that Homer wasn't quite familiar with. It looked kinda like a tool that his father used sometimes, though Abe would never let him look at it for very long.

'You gotta be prepared for anything in these woods.' Lenny said. 'So, just for tonight, I'm letting you borrow my knife.'

'Knife?' Homer said, taking it from him and getting a closer look. 'I can't see a…'

He found a button.

'AAAHHHH!'

And that was the blade.

Homer could only hope that this new girl liked eyepatches. According to Moe, girls liked just about everything. Aside from zits, apparently, but that wasn't a problem for Homer. Even though the Camp Counselor forced them all to return to the boys' side of the camp after their discussion, the Sailing Instruc-tarrr (who also controlled the 'projec-tarrr' at movie night) was happy to give him a ride over.

The river grew foggy under the cold moonlight, and Homer could only sit there and pray that the girl hadn't just stood him up. It seemed all too likely for everything to be too good to be true. But still he stood at the front of the boat, holding onto the mast for balance and cursing the mist for getting in his way.

Imagine his shock when the girl was, indeed, standing right there. And… oh my, was she heavenly. Gorgeous hazel eyes that made the very moon weep in envy. Flowing black (huh, so she wasn't that brunette) hair shinier than the world's shiniest diamond. An adorable little pink dress that only accentuated her cuteness. Even a hairband with a small flower attached to it.

And if there was any doubt that this was the same girl from before…

'Elvis Jagger!' She cried, in that delightfully raspy voice. 'It's you!'

Who? He wondered, before he remembered his fake name. 'Oh, right. That's me!'

He hopped off the boat and onto the dock, approaching this lovely young girl. Now he finally understood why so many boys talked about kissing girls - he wanted to give her a big one right then and there.

'This is my first date,' The Girl said. 'So… I'm not sure how to start it.'

Homer laughed nervously. 'Well, y-you probably know more than me. I know nothing.'

'How 'bout yeh sit over there?' The Sailing Instructor said, pointing to a lovely clearing on a small hill. 'Yeh'd get a lovely view of tha river!'

Since neither kid had any idea how to do a proper date, they followed the captain's advice and sat just where he pointed. The view of the river was indeed as gorgeous as ever, but Homer and the Girl spent a long time just staring at it and not saying a thing. Normally it would send Homer into a panic, but he was relieved to know that she had about as much as a clue as he did. Unfortunately, that meant she couldn't lead the conversation like he was hoping she would.

Oh, I wanna kiss her so much right now! But how do I do that? She has to want it first, right? I don't think it'd be right to just… go for it. WAIT! I have the perfect move!

Following advice he had received from movies on television, he unleashed an epic fake yawn and - in the process of 'giving his arms a stretch' - he placed one of his arms around her shoulder. What a brilliant idea! Now she was certain to know they had a good connection.

'Do you like music?' She asked, rather quickly and without any warning. 'Cos I like music. Like, a lot! Music is great, isn't it? Do you have a favourite band? Oh, I can't choose!'

Homer's ability to understand her stopped at that point, as she proceeded to list a bunch of bands and singers who she liked so quickly that Homer could hardly understand a thing she was saying. It wasn't at all the response he was expecting, and now he was even further away from the kiss since she wouldn't stop talking.

What am I going to do now? Kissing her now would be… weird. Or would it be? NO, Homer - err, Elvis - don't do that! Uh, say something witty!

'I…' He said. 'Uh… um…'

'Yes?' She asked.

Now Homer had gotten himself in an even worse situation.

Say something witty, huh? How about you just kiss her already? Or are you just chicken? BOCK-BOCK-BOCK!

'Are you making chicken noises?' The Girl asked.

He yelped, gaining an octave. 'Uh… n-no…'

You were saying that part out loud? Oh, you're hopeless!

He was all but certain that he had screwed up now, that he had completely ruined any chances of his girl ever seeing him again. After all, who would want to date a boy like him? That's what all the people at school said… and his father too.

Which is why it sent him for the mightiest of loops when she, without saying a word, gave him a quick little smooch right on the lips! His jaw fell wide open, and he had to pound on his chest to make sure his heart was still beating.

'Did… did you just…?' He asked, otherwise speechless.

She gave him a sly smile. 'I did. You're a weird kid, Elvis… and I love it.'

He blushed. 'Y-You like me for me? Wow, I didn't think that would ever happen!'

She frowned. 'Why not?'

He looked to the ground and sighed. 'No one at school likes me…'

'But I do!'

And then she brought him in for another kiss. It wasn't a little peck this time, however. No, she planted her lips upon his and really went at it. Homer returned it in a heartbeat, and it must've been one of the most passionate kisses either child had ever seen. Of course, we're talking 'passionate' in terms of little kids. For adults, it would seem rather lifeless, but for children... it was amazing.

The sparks were really flying now. Homer didn't even care when he heard two random girls cheering from the bushes. It was like the rest of the world didn't exist anymore… he was floating through cotton candy clouds as far as he was aware.

It was the happiest he had been in quite some time. It was like a cluster bomb wiping out an entire graveyard full of zombies.

'Will I see you again tomorrow?' The Girl asked, after the kiss had finally ended.

'Absolutely!' Homer replied. 'Or my name isn't… um… whatever it was I said.'

She laughed. She actually laughed, and not in a mocking sort of way either. It was a genuine laugh! If this wasn't a guarantee that the 'friendzone' was the worst possible scenario - and it would still be pretty damn good for his standards - then nothing was!

'I-I should probably get going soon…' Homer said, standing up. 'I-I don't know how long that captain guy will wait for me…'

'Same place tomorrow night?' The Girl asked.

He nodded. 'Yep! I would love to!'

He turned around to leave, but he felt something poking into his leg. It reminded him of something, a little rock, that he had found just a few hours ago, and now that he thought about it… was there anyone in the world who deserved a little something more than her? He reached into his pocket and pulled out the rock. There was something about it that was special, but he wasn't sure what.

'Hey, I found this rock earlier today.' He said, kneeling down. 'I was gonna smash some jerks with it, but…' He smiled. 'I want you to have it.'

'Aw, thank you!' The Girl said, taking the rock from him.

She held it with both her hands, and smiled as she looked at it. Homer may not have understood most of the world's facial cues, but he knew a smile was a good thing.

'Aw!' She said. 'It's shaped just like a heart!'

His eyes widened. 'Wait, it is?'

Homer, without really thinking, snatched it out of her hand and looked at it closer. She was right… it was shaped like a heart! How didn't he notice it before? With a rock this special, he had to keep it. He opened his mouth to tell her that he had to have the rock for himself, but then he got a look at her eyes. Though emotions could be hard to tell apart, he knew those were sad eyes. Strumming his fingers against the rock for a moment, he made up his mind.

'You can keep it.' He said, handing it back to her. 'It's special! Just like you.'

'Thank you again, Elvis!' She stood up, giving him another kiss that made his heart race. 'I have to get going now, or my sisters will worry. I can't wait to see you again!'

He stood there and watched her walk away back to the girls' side of the camp, with an absolutely adorable little skip in her step too. She wouldn't stop looking at that rock, which he saw as a good sign that she truly did love the gift and wasn't just lying to make him feel better. With the thoughts of this amazing girl bouncing around in his mind - and heart - he waltzed back to the boat where the Sailing Instructor waited for him, with a spring in every step.

In fact, he was so smitten from the kiss that the Sailing Instructor had to grab the back of his shirt before he casually walked straight off the edge of the boat.

'Woah now!' He said, bringing the young child in. 'Let's not go walkin' off inta tha rivarrr. Wouldn't want ta end up at tha bottom o' tha rivar, would we now?'

Homer finally snapped back into reality. 'N-No, Captain!'

The captain smiled. 'Now let's get yeh back ta camp before I get fired fer helpin' yeh.'

Truthfully, Homer wouldn't have minded it all so much if he did end up plummeting over the edge of the boat and drowned. After meeting that lovely girl who truly loved him for who he was, it was no exaggeration to say that he could die happy.

She loves me… she really loves me!

Even when the sun rose and the new day arrived, Homer couldn't stop thinking about that amazing girl he had met the previous night. So pretty, so nice… and he still didn't know her name! He made the mental note to ask her for her name the next time they met.

Which was a slight problem, since the Camp Counsellor had taken all the 'underprivileged boys' out into the woods for a little trek, with Moe by his side to help direct the kids. While the other boys paid attention to the walk - though a few of them did so against their will - Homer's heart and mind drifted away and kept thinking about that girl. The singing birds, the crunching rocks beneath his feet, the massive trees enveloping them in shadow, the sweet smell of flowers and tree sap… all lost on him.

He was only brought back into reality when Lenny elbowed him in the chest.

'Still thinking about that girl?' He asked, giving him a cheeky little look.

Homer sighed blissfully. 'Yeah… She was so nice…'

'Yeah, yeah, we're happy.' Carl said. 'Now let's focus on the task at hand, okay?'

'HEY!' Moe yelled from all the way in the front. 'Quiet down over there!'

That shut the boys right up, but Homer didn't stop thinking about that pretty and lovely girl. He was all but certain that she was still looking at that little heart-shaped rock, while she was doing whatever fun stuff the girls did on the other side of the river.

'And here we see the magnificent Red Alders.' The Camp Counsellor said, pointing to the titular trees that were everywhere. 'Also known as Alnus rubra, but I don't expect any of you to remember that.'

The big brunette at the front, a boy named Barney, chuckled. 'Alnus rubra is one of the easier scientific names to remember. I dare you to remember Solanum lycopersicum.'

'What's that?' Lenny asked.

Barney smirked. 'Tomato.'

Homer groaned, just a little. Barney had always been one of the nicer kids to him, but he had also been one of the most… smartass-y. Always taking any opportunity he had to show off some random fun fact.

Another boy, by the name of Jeff, rolled his eyes. 'You have not shut up about your random tree facts. We get it. You know stuff. Now be quiet.'

'Oh, coming from you.' Barney said. 'Last night, every time you opened your mouth, out came some random fun fact about Superman.'

'You philistine! It is not my fault that you cannot appreciate the deeper meaning behind every comic!'

'You read them, like, once because you're worried about deteriorating them.'

'THEY MUST REMAIN IN MINT CONDITION!'

While Barney and Jeff were occupied with this silly little argument, one boy stepped away from the back and inched backwards over to Homer, his eyes shifting back and forth. Homer was a little too busy in his girl-related daydreams to notice this kid…

'HOMER!'

'Ow!'

Until that kid elbowed him in the chest, snapping him out of it. Now that he got a look at this kid, he realised that he had never seen him before. That puffy hair and big glasses were so unfamiliar to him when combined.

'Who were ya talking about?' He asked, in a tone that Homer couldn't identify but knew it wasn't curiosity.

'Oh, this really pretty girl on the other side of the camp!' Homer replied. 'She's really nice, and she's seeing me again tonight.'

'She wouldn't happen to have jet black hair with lovely hazel eyes, would she?'

Homer nodded. 'Yep! I like her.'

'Hmmm… interesting.'

Without saying another word, this new boy stepped away with his shifty eyes and returned to the front of the line. By now, the Camp Counsellor had finally gotten Jeff and Barney to stop arguing, if only for long enough to get everyone back on track. It left Homer wondering… what on earth was this kid's deal? Every time he thought he understood how other people worked, something like that would happen.

'What's with him?' He asked, pointing at the strange boy.

'Beats me.' Carl replied. 'But I overheard him talking about that pretty girl of yours.'

'I think someone's jealous!' Lenny said, which prompted Homer to chuckle.

The trek through the woods kept going as normal, but when Homer wasn't thinking about that lovely girl from the night before, he noticed that bespectacled kid constantly eyeing him. His eyes were so narrow it was like he was peeping from inside a box he just barely opened. Once again, Homer couldn't even begin to comprehend what was up with him. The girl had declared her love for him, not this glasses kid, so why did that kid care?

The young Simpson was so occupied with these conflicting thoughts that the trek had arrived at a gorgeous cliffside view before he knew it. His eyes widened at such a sight. Trees and trees as far as the eye could see, all in a beautiful little valley… the camp was appropriately named. There was not a single cloud in the sky, and he could hear the lovely songbirds singing.

The ground was just a couple of 'storeys' away, but still the boys kept behind the white barrier. Carl and Lenny stepped up to the edge of the barrier and looked straight down.

'That is one heck of a drop.' Lenny said. 'How far do you think it is?'

'Twenty feet, at least.' Carl replied.

Barney scoffed. 'It's obviously-'

'NO ONE ASKED YOU!'

'This, youngsters, is Springfield Valley.' The Camp Counsellor said. 'Not to be confused with the similarly-named Springfield Gorge. It looks so nice because hardly anyone goes through this place. Humans are kinda jerks. Now…'

He proceeded to list a bunch of fun facts about the valley that Homer paid no attention to. The young boy could only think about roaming through this untouched territory with the girl, watching her as she skips with that special rock in her hands. Then, they'd find a lovely spot under the sun, and kiss once more. He sighed at the mere thought of it.

'Still thinking about her?'

Homer flinched. That same bespectacled kid was now standing right next to him and wouldn't stop giving him that stink eye.

'Uh… yes?' Homer replied. 'Why do you ask?'

Glasses Kid didn't even reply, and seized Homer by the shoulders with a grip unlike his nerdy exterior. The Simpson went tense and gulped, totally unaware of where this could've been going.

'W-What?' Was all he could say.

'Listen, Homer.' The kid said, his voice ladled with restrained rage. 'That girl is mine, you hear me?'

'Hey!' Lenny yelled. 'Back off!'

'Let him go!' Carl cried.

This caught the attention of the Camp Counsellor almost immediately. He ceased his exposition speech mid-sentence, and ran over to the squarrling kids.

'There will be no fighting on this-!'

Glasses Kid must've known he was seconds away from being detained, so he quickly dragged Homer close to the edge and shoved him right over the barrier.

'HOMER!'

It all went by in a flash. For one moment, Homer could see the solid ground beneath him disappear, and the ground far below getting closer and closer every second. The very next, he slammed into the ground below and could hardly keep his eyes open, let alone move. His heart kept beating like crazy, but he couldn't move or even twitch a single muscle through the pain coursing through every vein.

'OH MY GOD!' The Camp Counsellor yelled, with genuine fear and despair in his voice. 'HOMER!'

Most of the other boys screamed and even cried, filling Homer's ears as the world slowly got darker and darker. He couldn't keep himself awake for much longer, and there was only one thought in his mind as his consciousness faded away.

I'll make it tonight, I promise…

Homer became conscious once again, though everything stayed black. The sounds around him were just a blur at first, but soon he could just barely make out some voices.

'Is he okay?'

'I don't know, kid. Just give him some time.'

'Look, he's waking up!'

The young Simpson almost didn't want to wake up. He must've been on a bed, because it was very soft and comfortable. With everything that had just happened, he was so tempted to keep his eyes closed and go back to sleep. It still hurt to move, and even breathing came with some aches. But then he remembered the girl who would be waiting for him that night, so he opened his eyes up slowly, to the relief of everyone else.

He found himself in a bed, as he deduced, and surrounded by a lot of people. The Camp Counsellor sat right by his side, while Carl and Lenny stood at the foot of the bed. Despite the comfortable spot he was in, Homer could still feel the pains. If only that girl was here… it wouldn't be so painful.

'Homer,' The Camp Counsellor said, gently. 'Can you hear me?'

'Y-Yeah…' The boy murmured.

The man sighed in relief. 'Oh thank goodness. You took quite the tumble there, Homer. Luckily, it wasn't that big of a fall, and the grass was pretty soft too. Still, I'm not sure what that kid wanted to do…'

'Don't worry about him.' Carl said. 'We sent that guy straight home.'

Lenny sighed. 'The things jealousy will make you do…'

The sight, to say the least, was not pretty. While there wasn't anything out of place, the impact left him with many scratches, scrapes, and bruises all over his body, and his arm had to be wrapped up to prevent any further damage to his bones. Homer couldn't even move that arm without pain, as he just learnt the hard way.

'Owww…!' He whined.

'Woah now!' The Camp Counsellor said, forcing that arm back down. 'Let's not do anything to stir your already broken bones, alright? We've still not sure if anything really is broken, but we shouldn't be taking risks here. In the meantime, you just lay here while we give you food.'

Homer licked his lips; now that was certainly a good deal. Being able to lay around while food gets given to you for free… it was a dream come true, and definitely made up for the pain he was currently in. As he glanced out the window at the setting sun, he couldn't imagine what could possibly…

He gasped. 'I-I gotta go see that girl tonight! I promised!'

The Camp Counsellor shook his head. 'You're not going anywhere, Homer. Not with injuries like this. Give it a day or two, and then we'll see.'

A whine escaped Homer's throat, but still he remained there. In his head, he imagined getting out of bed and crossing the river in spite of his pain, like some sort of action superhero, but he felt too much pain in his limbs to even move an inch.

Even as dinner had been served to him - at least he could move just enough to enjoy that - he still stared at the moon out through the window.

'Somewhere,' He murmured. 'That girl is waiting for me…'

'Take me to the girls' side of the camp!'

'Yargh, but it's still daytime.'

'I don't care! Take me there as soon as possible!'

It was the late afternoon the next day when Homer was told that he could finally get up and leave. The pain had subsided significantly, and the scrapes were already beginning to heal. The only problem was that his arm still had to be in a sling, but he knew the girl wouldn't care about that if she didn't care about his eyepatch.

In just two days, he looked completely beaten. Only Homer could do it.

The second the Sailing Instructor parked the boat by the dock, Homer jumped off and ran to the girls' camp. He didn't care what would happen to him if he got caught, and simply ran through while ignoring the girls either screaming or laughing at him.

'Look, it's that Elvis boy.' One girl said, snickering. 'Looks like karma got 'im.'

'I bet he's here to rub it in!' Another said. 'Oh, I'm so gonna tell my friends back at home about this!'

It took a few minutes, but something caught Homer's attention almost immediately - a shiny car driving out of the camp. For a moment, he almost dismissed it, but then he got a good look at who was inside it. It was her.

'WAIT!' He called, charging after it. 'COME BACK!'

He ran all the way to the camp's entrance, chasing after that car, but it sped away from him before he could ever get close to it. He watched it disappear around the corner, with the girl in tow, and stood there. Maybe, just maybe, it would turn around and she would be right there to greet him.

But it did not return.

Hanging his head in sorrow and regret, he slowly made his way back to the girls' side of the camp. He passed by the cabin that all the girls would have to enter to register, and there he saw two other girls waiting. And smoking, which was definitely against the rules. They couldn't have been campers, since they appeared to be at least eighteen, though they still donned those pink dresses. One had red hair, while the other was blonde. The bandage around the latter's hand made her look kinda familiar…

Without thinking about it, he approached these girls. 'Hey! Do either of you know if that girl's gonna come back?'

Neither girl seemed to notice he was there before, but now they both looked at him. For a moment, they didn't seem to care, but as they looked at him longer, suddenly they both became very, very angry. Their faces contorted, and Homer could've sworn the blonde one had veins popping.

'W-Was it something I said?' He asked.

The blonde girl, without any warning, leapt forward and grabbed him by the shoulders. He gulped as he stared into those angry brown eyes, and he felt as though this girl could easily snap his spine in half without any effort at all.

'I hope you're happy, Elvin Jigger or whatever your stupid name is!' She yelled, in a voice so raspy it made her sound like a demon. 'YOU BROKE MY LITTLE SISTER'S HEART!'

'S-She was your sister?!'

Now that just made things more confusing. The Girl looked just as sweet as she acted. In contrast, this blonde girl looked like some sort of goblin. Of course, his perception may have been distorted thanks to his terror.

'I can't believe I'm saying this,' The redhead said, in a voice just as raspy, only a little higher in pitch. 'But, Selma, please put him down. He looks like he's had enough.'

The blonde, now recognised as 'Selma', dropped Homer like he was hot. He fell to the ground and cringed a little as the pain circulated through him again, not wanting to imagine what she could've done to him if she was trying. Still, Selma glared at him like he had murdered a puppy in front of her eyes.

'You should be thankful that I'm not ripping you to shreds right now.' She said, crossing her arms. 'Fortunately, you look like karma hit you already. Like a truck.'

'I-I can explain!' Homer stammered. 'I-I was-'

'No buts!' The redhead yelled. 'We're not talking to a heartbreaker like you. Our little sister was so upset because of you that she had to go back home!'

Just to emphasise her anger with him, the redhead breathed a puff of smoke directly into his face, launching him into a small coughing fit. No wonder that stuff was getting outlawed in public spaces. Neither twin could bother talking to him anymore, and turned around to leave. Just as he was getting to his feet, Selma stopped and picked something up from the ground.

'This oughta serve as a nice reminder of the kind of boy you are.' She said.

She tossed Homer a rock, one he just barely managed to catch in his one good hand. Curiosity forced him to look at him, and he wished he never had. It was that special heart-shaped rock… cracked right down the middle, with only one half left. Tears came to his eyes as he realised what he had done. He didn't care what those twins or any of the other girls thought about him, and he collapsed onto the ground and cried.

He was about to throw that stupid rock away, but then he got a second look at it.

'This oughta serve as a nice reminder of the kind of boy you are.'

Wiping his eyes, he put the broken rock away into his pocket. It would serve as a reminder alright, but not of the 'kind of boy he was'. It was going to be a reminder to look for that girl once again.

'I will see you again…' He murmured. 'A-And this time, I won't screw it up.'

Author Notes - So I kept the 'fell off a cliff' part but removed the 'fat camp' thing. Cos I thought that was kinda dumb, and definitely too silly for this story. Also... wait, weren't they by a river two seconds ago? WHERE DID THE MASSIVE CLIFF COME FROM?! Meanwhile, I kept the whole 'stabbed his eye out with a knife' thing because I don't want this story to be too serious. As for Moe, I'm trying to hit a combination of Classic 'Complete Sleazebag' Moe and Modern 'Depressed and Pathetic' Moe, a hard combo to crack seeing how wildly different they can be at times.

I will say though, there was one moment I really liked. When Marge and Homer are describing how satisfying their kiss was, Marge uses a lame metaphor about cards that makes her and Lisa sigh blissfully. When Homer instead compares it to 'a cluster bomb wiping out an entire graveyard full of zombies', not only do he and Bart smile, but so does Maggie.

Anyway, it shouldn't be a surprise when you see what the next chapter is gonna be like. We doing a POV thing with this duo of chapters, baby!