"Finally back! Certainly took long enough." I said. I then found myself pinned against a wall by my fellow team BDSS members.
"My thoughts exactly, what the hell have you been doing?! Why haven't you been updating?!" Damion demanded (true fact: he has been getting impatient waiting for updates. This is actually what goes through my mind when he keeps asking about it).
"Calm down, guys! I'll explain everything." I said, taking a deep breath. "I fell ill, so I was going to a shrine of one of the gods to get healed, when suddenly, I turned into some kind of human lizard creature, then I was arrested by some imperial soldiers and I was about to be executed, but then a dragon attacked. I managed to escape with a member of the Stormcloak rebels trying to take back their homeland from the imperials. Shortly after I joined the rebels and helped them take down the empire for what they did to me. I also fought a bunch of dragons and learned to shout in the dragon language. Eventually I even had to fight and kill the king of all the dragons, Alduin. I also became the Arch-mage of a college for mages in Winterhold. Then at some point I finally found my way back here. It was cool, though. As the lizard creature I could breathe underwater and I could heal even faster than normal for a little bit without any healing magic." I explained.
They all looked at each other in confusion before finally looking back at me. "So, you were sick and stayed home playing Skyrim as an Argonian?" Draco asked.
"Yeah." I said, nodding.
"You couldn't update while you were at home?" Damion asked.
"How many times do I have to say it: I don't have internet at my house. All I have is my phone which sucks for watching YouTube videos any longer than five minutes." I explained. "Let's go, we'll be late for lunch." I said, walking off with them following close behind.
"So good to be back! Nothing could possibly go wrong now!" Nicolas said.
Across town...
The old man who runs the dust shop just finished putting up a big banner above the place, saying it was newly re-opened after the break-in. But just as he got down from the ladder, he was knocked down when a girl with tan skin and green, shoulder-length hair and red eyes bumped into him. She giggled a bit at this before speaking. "Excuse me. Sorry, I'm not really from around here." She said, helping him up. "Um, would you mind pointing me in the direction of this shop?" She asked, holding up a card. He looked at it, smiling and nodding. She then walked away as they both waved goodbye, a guy with gray hair dressed in gray waited around the corner for her. She started walking past when he spoke up.
"I knew you were lost." He said.
"Mercury." She said as she walked back up to him. "I will seriously pay you to SHUT UP." She said, holding the card out in his face.
"That's not your money." He said, shaking his head.
"But it could be yours for five minutes of silence." She said.
"Hmm... No deal." He said.
She groaned at this, throwing the money to the ground. "Fine." She said, walking off.
He laughed at this. "You want me." He said, following her. They continued on for a while until he spoke up again. "So, how much further?" He asked.
"Just a few blocks." She answered.
"Ugh, this place is so dull!" He groaned.
"I kinda like it. Tall buildings, diverse culture-" She started.
"And nice, dopey people who are easy to pickpocket." He finished.
"That's EVERY city." She said.
"Ooh, Emerald! Master thief! Please don't take my money! I barely have enough to get by." He played out a small scene, to which she groaned and walked past him, continuing on. He sighed at this. "You're no fun today." He said, following her.
After a while, they finally entered a rather darkly lit book store. Mercury stopped to look at some books near the front as Emerald walked up to the front desk and rang the bell. "Be right there!" The shopkeep shouted back. He then came out from the back room with a huge stack of books in both arms. He kinda looked all scruffy like Wolverine. He had the sideburns at least. "Welcome to Tukson's book trade! Home to every book under the sun." He said, setting them down and walking up to the desk. "How may I-" He started, before pausing for a minute when he saw her. "How may I help you?" He asked.
"Just browsin'." Mercury asked, closing the book he had.
"Actually, I was wondering: do you have any copies of 'The Thief and The Butcher'?" She asked (Hmm... I wonder if that's an actual book?).
"Yes we do." He said.
"That's great!" She said.
"Would you... like a copy?" He asked somewhat awkwardly, since she didn't directly ask for a copy after asking if he had it.
"No. Just wondering." She asked (Why would you wonder if you're not gonna get the book?). At that same moment, Mercury closed a book rather hard.
"Ooh, ooh! What about, 'Violet's Garden'? In paperback?" She asked (I always preferred hardback, myself. Considering the animals I have around my house, paperbacks don't last that long).
"He's got it. Hardback, too." Mercury said, holding it up.
"Ooh. Options are nice." She said, looking as if she was thinking (within reason. Too much options are a pain in the ass).
"Eh. No pictures." Mercury said, closing it hard again and dropping it, then looking at Tukson. "Hey, got any comics?" He asked.
"Near the front." He answered.
"No, wait! What about... 'Third Crusade'?" Emerald asked.
Tukson's smile then faded at that moment. "Um... I don't believe we carry that one." He said.
Mercury then slammed another book closed. "Oh..." He said as if something was wrong.
"What was this place called again?" Emerald asked, leaning on the desk.
"Tukson's book trade." Tukson answered.
"And you're Tukson?" She asked.
"That's right." He asked.
"So then I take it you're the one who came up with the catchphrase?" She asked.
"Yes." He said.
"And what was it again?" Mercury asked.
Tukson let out a sigh before answering. "Tukson's book trade, home to every book under the sun." He answered.
"Every book EXCEPT 'The Third Crusade'." Mercury replied.
"It's just a catchphrase." He said.
"It's false-advertising." Mercury retorted.
"You shouldn't make a promise you can't keep, Tukson." Emerald said (Oh, shit's about to go down!). At this moment, Mercury began turning off the lights. "I hear you're planning on leaving, Tukson. Your brothers in the White Fang wouldn't be happy to hear that. And neither are we." She said. At this point, Mercury had turned off all the lights (Wait a minute, this guy's a faunus, why are you turning off the lights? He has night-vision, that's a bad idea!). "You know who we are, don't you?" She asked.
"Yes." He answered solemnly (←Holy shit, I spelled it right!).
"And you know why we're here?" She asked.
"Yes." He replied.
"So... Are you going to fight back?" She asked as Mercury approached.
There was a pause for a moment before... "Yes!" He answered readily, growing Sabertooth claws and jumping up on the desk as the two teens stepped back. He swiped at Emerald, who ducked, then looked up to see Mercury, who had backed up further, who then took a step forward and delivered a powerful-looking side kick to Tukson's face. Everything went white after that (you know he dead...).
The two of them then walked out, Emerald stretching before looking at Mercury, who was reading a magazine or comic. ""What's with that?" She asked.
"Eh. I like its pictures." He answered.
Back at school...
Damion, Draco and I looked at Nicolas after reading the above. "Jee, I wonder what could go wrong?" I asked rhetorically. We were now in the lunch room, sitting across from 3 of the 4 members of team RWBY, their leader nowhere to be seen. I was sitting across from Weiss, Draco beside me on the left with no one across from him, Nicolas to my right across from Blake and Damion a little to the right across from Yang, out of her way as Nora tossed her small food to catch in her mouth in mid-air, pause tho. Speaking of Blake, she was looking in her journal at a picture of her old partner in the White Fang, Adam, until Yang pushed up against her.
"Whatcha doin'?" She asked.
"Nothing, just going over notes from last semester." She said, closing the journal, Weiss trying to peek at it before she closed it.
"Hey, babe, are you sure you're okay?" Nick asked her.
"Yes, Nicolas. I'm fine. Thank you, though." She said.
(She's hiding something...) I thought to myself.
Yang caught a grape Nora tossed to her, before turning back to her teammate. "Lame." She said.
"I can't help but think that's a choking hazard." I said.
"Yeah, be careful how you catch that stuff, babe." Damion said.
"Pause tho." I said, popping out from behind one of his shoulders before quickly moving away to a safe distance.
"Aww, Damion's worrying about me. I appreciate that, babe." She said, winking to him, causing him to blush. We look over to the table team JNPR is sitting at to see 3 of their 4 members sitting like regular people with their food, Nora with a straw and a bunch of grapes in front of her. She giggled before shooting another one to Yang, pause again (so many pause moments right now!), which she caught, eating it and giving Nora a thumb's up.
Suddenly, Ruby appeared from nowhere, slamming down a MASSIVE binder full down in front of us, much to our surprise. It was marked as "Best Day Ever Activities". Ruby then cleared her throat before speaking. "Sisters! Friends! Weiss-" She started.
"Hey!" Weiss complained at that.
"It's about as much as you deserve." I said.
Ruby then continued. "4 score and 7 minutes ago, I had a dream." She said.
"This oughta be good." Yang said, then catching another grape.
"Why do I now fear for our mortal well-being?" I asked.
"Give her a chance." Draco said.
"It could be fun!" Nick said.
"A dream that one day, the 4 of us would come together as a team, then be joined by our friends and have the most fun anyone has ever had EVER!" She asked.
"We're gonna play a bunch of video games, get drunk and throw up." I said.
This earned me a glare from Damion and Yang. "Ruby is under-aged." They both said angrily.
Weiss looked at the giant binder for a moment before realizing something. "Did you steal my binder?" She asked.
"I am not a crook." Ruby answered.
"That would be a yes." I said.
"What are you talking about?" Blake asked with a small chuckle.
"I'm talking about kicking off a semester with a bang!" She said.
"Did someone say bang?!" Draco said, pulling out a cluster of dynamite sticks wrapped together with the fuse lit..
"Not that kind of bang." I said, licking my fingers and touching the flame to extinguish it.
"I always kick my semester off with a YANG." Yang made a terrible pun, looking around for someone to laugh, but no one, not even Damion did. Nora then threw an apple, which bounced off Yang's forehead, pause.
"Boo!" Nora booed.
"Guys, it's been a good two weeks and with the tournament at the end of the year, our second semester is going to be great, but classes start back up tomorrow." Ruby said.
"Man, I don't know~ Where does time go~ but it SURE goes FAST~!" I sang a part of "Young" by Kenny Chesney (fun fact: he's my mom's favorite country singer).
Everyone looked at me awkwardly for a moment, but then looked back to Ruby. "Which is why I've taken the opportunity to schedule a series of wonderful events for us today." Ruby finished happily.
"Sounds like a fun time." I said.
"I don't know whether to be proud or scared of what you have in store." Weiss said as Yang threw an apple back at Nora.
"Whatever ideas she has can't possibly be worse than that time I was a relationship counselor for Superheroes." I said.
Flashback...
"So, Superman, I can't help but notice you're here alone... AGAIN... like you have been every single gods-damned time you come to these meetings. It's more like therapy at this point trying to work out YOUR issues rather than yours and Lois'." I said, then looked the the 4th wall. "This is just after 'Superman Returns', by the way." I said.
"Well, I love Lois, but she has a son and another man now, I don't know what to do." He said.
"Come here!" I said, then when he got close enough, I smacked him upside the head. "Bend her over and lay some Superman pipe, that's what you should do! Come on, you dumb motherfucker, you can fly, what the hell can he do?! And for all we know, that's YOUR kid!" I said.
I was fired very shortly after the meeting was over.
Back to now...
"Wow..." All the guys said at once.
"That's why very few people can relate to me, but that's my talent around here, guys, keepin' it REAL." I said, to which they laughed.
"I don't know, I think I might sit this one out." Blake said.
"Sit out or not, I think however we spend this last day, we should do it as a TEAM." Weiss said.
"Oh, my god, it's the sign of the apocalypse! Weiss is thinking of someone besides herself!" I said worriedly.
She then stood up as Yang looked at Nora worriedly and shook her head and hands. "I for one think that-" Weiss started, before we heard Nora.
"I got it!" She called out, a pie flying into Weiss' face. We all looked at Weiss in shock, then back to the table where Nora, Pyrrha and Jaune were in slight shock and Ren had his face in his hands... Nora then pointed to him.
Outside...
Sun was walking with a friend of his as he brought him to meet us. "Man, that's harsh." The dude said.
"Yeah, so then we were all fighting side-by-side, super fast! And I threw a banana at a guy, which sounds gross, but it was AWESOME." Sun explained.
"Nice." The dude said.
"Right? And the best part is: she's a faunus." He said, but then covered his mouth. "But that's a secret, okay?" He asked.
"Got it." The dude replied.
"And not a 'I'm gonna go tell Scarlet the second Sun turns his back' secret, I'm talking SECRET secret." Sun said.
"Whoa, chill out, man, okay? I got it." The dude said.
"I just don't wanna screw this up, you know? He asked as they continued walking, not seeing the splattered food or the Jaune getting thrown into the walls as they walked by. "The people here are the coolest! No offense, you know?" He stopped to check.
"None taken." His friend replied.
"Okay, they're just in here. I'm really excited for you to meet them, so be cool, okay? You're gonna be cool, right?" He asked.
"Dude..." His buddy asked, standing there to show off his cool image, his teeth flashing.
Back in the lunch room...
"This is why Nelson Mandela wears military fatigues! Because sometimes you have to handle shit yourself!" I said, stuffing Cardin's head into a bowl of pudding, throwing him to the ground and shooting a beam of demon energy at a watermelon flying towards me, causing it to splatter on everyone in between me and the thrower. Suddenly, I sensed a dude's flashing his teeth. "Oh, someone about to die!" I growled.
Draco turned to the 4th wall at this moment. "To find out why Sai doesn't like people flashing their teeth, go read his story Saikai Academy. After this." He explained.
Outside...
"Good point." Sun said, nodding. They burst into the lunchroom and were either amazed or shocked to see the food fight of epic proportions that had now dwindled down to teams RWBY and JNPR, everyone running for their lives as Nora stood tall, laughing maniacally on a giant stack of tables made into a make-shift castle. "I'm queen of the castle~! I'm queen of the castle~!" She sang triumphantly.
Team BDSS was still in the lunchroom, but we were now only spectators from hidden points of cover.
"I'm not fuckin' with that!" I said.
Besides! We're tapping two members of that team. That's like half of them!
[It IS half of them, moron. The good, female half.]
"And Damion and Nicolas are dating half of team RWBY, so this effectively puts us out of the fight for conflict of interest." I said.
Damn! Shit's about to go down next chapter! No more room here! You've been trolled!