I still can't believe we trolled them like that! They thought they were gonna get the epic food fight THAT chapter?! They got me fucked up!
[One of our many, more cruel "Surprise, motherfucker!" moments]
You've been trolled~ you've been trolled~ Yes, you've probably been told~ Don't reply~ to this guy~ he is a rise~ out of YOU~ yes it's true~! You respond and that's his cue~ to start trouble~ on the double~ while he strokes his MANLY stubble~! You've been trolled~ You've been trolled~ you should probably just fold~ when the only winning move is not to play~! Yet you keep on trying~ mindlessly replying~ You've been trolled~ You've been trolled~ Have a nice day~!
"For those of you that for some reason didn't read the last chapter, shit went down and teams RWBY and JNPR are turning the cafeteria into a gods-damned war-zone!" I said, peeking around from cover, quickly getting back behind as a plate of hot pasta and even hotter marinara sauce was thrown at me.
Ruby then stomped on the table, holding a milk carton in one hand, pointing at her opponents with the other. "Justice will be swift! Justice will be painful!" She started, crushing the milk carton. "It will be DELICIOUS!" She shouted, the rest of her team getting behind her and letting out a war cry in approval.
"Off with their heads!" Nora ordered, jumping down from her castle in front of another table full of watermelons.
"Damn, my girl VICIOUS!" I said, peeking around from cover again.
Ren then ran at and flipped over a tray with 3 watermelons on it, stomping on the edge of it, sending the watermelons into the air, allowing him to throw a round kick to send them at team RWBY. Jaune, rather impressively for him, ran and dove at one large watermelon, did a headstand on it while grabbing it with his hands, landed on his feet and hurled it at his opponents. Pyrrha, the most plainly out of the whole group, simply lobbed the two watermelons at the opposite team. Nora then flipped over the table with all the watermelons on it, sending them all flying at her opposition.
"Damn! Those watermelons are gonna be the equivalent of the arrows darkening the sky in 300!" Draco said, looking out from cover.
"Yang, turkeys!" Ruby ordered.
Yang then rushed forward, diving at and putting her fists into the opening in two turkeys lying on the floor. "So, Yang basically just shoved her fists up the turkey's-" Nicolas started, before a death aura and glare came from Damion.
"Nick, I swear to god!" He raged.
Yang was now back on her feet and slammed her turkey-gauntleted hands together, creating a small shockwave as the onslaught of Christmas color fruit flew at her. She smashed two before doing a backwards handspring (good thing Serena's a cheerleader so I know the terminology of this stuff), dodging another one. She then rushed forward, shattering the rest of them and destroying the last one with a well-timed uppercut. "That's my girl!" Damion cheered.
Blake jumped over her, landing and rolling, picking up two baguettes in front of her, rushing forward with Yang quickly following. Blake crouched and destroyed two watermelons with expert sliced with the baguettes as Yang jumped past her on the side and did an flying kick to another one. "These chicks are like the ultimate fruit ninjas." I said, peeking out from behind cover. Yang then launched the two cooked birds off of her fists directly at Pyrrha, who was standing in front of Jaune. "Oh, shit, look out, babe!" I warned her.
She did a side roll, getting out of the way and causing Jaune to take one turkey to the face, staggering him back, then the next turkey, connecting with him dead in the center, sending him flying back. "Huh. The leader gets taken down first. Ordinarily, that means you lose." Damion said.
Pyrrha armed herself with her own baguette as Blake came down from the air and would've slammed the two baguettes into the Pyrrha if she hadn't stepped back. "it's gonna be a good fight, Nick, but Blake's going down. She's got NOTHING on my girl." I said to him with a smirk, causing him to glare at me.
Pyrrha swung her baguette with force, slamming it into Blake's two baguettes, sending the two into a fierce power struggle. Eventually, it was Pyrrha who ended it by taking a step back and spinning out into a quick slash that Blake jumped over, landing on the other side of her opponent. Pyrrha swung at her once again, but Blake ducked and struck back, causing Pyrrha to do a cartwheel to gain some distance. She then went hard (pause) on the offensive, swinging at Blake again two more times as the faunus did a back handspring to avoid it, smacking away another strike from the taller girl, then jumping into the air to avoid another attack. She then spun in midair and threw one of the two long loaves of French bread down at Pyrrha. "Ariel strike!" Nicolas cheered.
"Oh, my gods, shit's getting crazy!" I said as Pyrrha jumped back to avoid it, then rushed in and right when Blake landed, she struck hard with her own baguette, sending the bow-wearing girl flying, breaking the baguette in the process, but Blake had also let hers go, which Pyrrha caught in midair and hurled like a spear at Yang, who threw a strong left punch through the center of it, breaking it and taking it off course so neither pieces hit her. But then, two more baguettes came, I don't know where she got them, though. Yang kicked the first one, but the second one hit her in the stomach and knocked her down. "Owned!" I said, pulling my fist back as Damion smacked his fist up against the part of the wall he was using for cover. Ruby then came out of nowhere, surfing across the long table on a tray, dodging Pyrrha's projectiles, jumping into the air and using the tray to smack away another baguette, sending it back at Pyrrha, who had to roll out of the way, into a crouching position like Iron Man after he lands. Ruby then surfed the rest of the distance, jumping and slamming the tray under her feet into Pyrrha's arms and hands as she tried to push back, but was ultimately unable to do that, being knocked to and bounced off the ground. "No!" I shouted.
"Who's owned now?" Draco asked with a smirk until a bullet hit him in the face, sending him to the ground, unconscious.
Nora and Ren then ran in at their opponents, but Ruby jumped out of the way to reveal Weiss right behind her with a bottle of ketchup. She spun around in a fancy manner and slammed the plastic squeeze bottle into the ground, causing a fart-sounding explosion of ketchup in front of her, paving the distance between the 4 of them in ketchup, which Ren slipped on, causing him to slide into a massive pile of tables and other stuff. This only gave Nora an advantage however, as when the tables and Ren went flying, she managed to run up two of the tables in midair, grabbing onto some pole sticking out of the wall, spinning it above her head like a helicopter blade and impaling it into a watermelon, giving her a makeshift warhammer. She spun it around and swung downward with great force and would've taken out Weiss, but at the last minute, Ruby jumped in the way and took the attack herself, being sent flying backwards in the process. "Atta girl, Nora! You got this!" I cheered.
"Team RWBY is the one with the main characters. You're supposed to root for them." Damion said.
"You're just saying that because you're dating a member of the team." I said to him. "Who I wanted to date originally." I said sadly, looking at the ground.
Yeah, we wanted Yang, too!
[Damion called her first, though...]
Back to the fight, Weiss picked up a swordfish and charged at Nora. "Man, we have some incredibly diverse food options here, I just realized." I said.
With one strike, Weiss managed to send Nora flying back, but she immediately jumped back into the fight. Weiss slashed at her, but then missed and Nora continually spun it around her neck and shoulders as Weiss blocked until finally, she grabbed it with both hands and got ready to swing it like she was about to hit a home run in baseball, slamming it into Weiss and sending her flying with a powerful shockwave of purple energy as I did the whistle people normally do when someone's falling from a giant height. Weiss slammed into a pillar in the back of the lunchroom and shattered it, falling to the ground with the pieces of the pillar right behind her, ready to crash on top of her when they all hit the ground. "Well, Weiss is about to be a pancake." Damion said.
Ruby gasped at this and rushed in, diving and catching her teammate and partner, rolling into a crouching position and holding the unconscious heiress somewhat bridal style. "Weiss! WEISS! Don't leave me!" Ruby pleaded. "NOOOOOOO!" She screamed.
"Oh, that's where that scene was from? I thought in the season 2 trailer it was gonna be at the end of the season and in some big fight Weiss got killed." I said.
Damion took a moment to consider this and nodded. "That's... A little more conceivable than what actually happened her, but they can't really kill off one of the most main characters. That'd be like if they killed off Black Star when they were learning about Duel Arts." Damion explained.
"Yeah, but only if you're planning on continuing the series and the character is absolutely required. I didn't know there was gonna be a season 3. If they had just wound it down to 2 seasons, then they could've killed off Weiss in the end." I countered.
"Yeah, but- let's just get back to the fight." He said.
Yang then came back from nowhere and jumped into battle. She re-equipped her turkey gauntlets and rushed in, Ren doing the same, grabbing two of those sticks that a Farfretch'd carries around. They both rushed in and Yang threw a powerful side kick, which Ren blocked with the sticks. "She does realize she's wearing a skirt, right?" I asked.
"It's okay, there's no fanservice in this anime." Draco said.
These two comments got us both shot in the chest by Damion. I slid down the wall weakly, holding my chest with a little blood coming out of my mouth. "Yo, man... That's fucked up, man... Me and you go way back, man... Remember in 2013 you got shot and you were like 'oh, shit, I'm about to die. Lend me 5 dollars?' and I was like 'Yeah. I got you'... That was damn near 2 years ago man, you still ain't paid me back..." I said weakly.
Yang then did a jumping inside crescent kick, which Ren ducked under, then he got in crane stance and tried to hit her over the head with one of the sticks, but she blocked it and caught him with a left hook and a left jab right after, then trapped one of the sticks as he prepared to strike and hit him in the face with a right cross. He tried to hit her with one stick, but she blocked it. Then he came through with the other stick, but she ducked and did an uppercut to deflect the next strike, hitting him in the side with a lower strike, doubling him over, then she spun and jumped, slamming down on him with a powerful downward punch, then hitting him with an uppercut, sending him into the air. "Yeah, baby! You got him, keep it up!" Damion cheered. Ren recovered in midair, throwing the sticks down at her, but she jumped into the air after him and hit him with an incredibly powerful punch with some aura behind him, sending him flying down into the ground and slamming into a pile of tables and such, sending said tables and food flying everywhere. "Yeah. My girl's got skills." Damion smirked.
Yang then landed and Nora was instantly on top of her (pause), swinging the hammer down at her, but she jumped back, the hammer slamming into the ground. She then instantly rushed at her, spinning her hammer around again and once again slamming it into the ground, but Yang jumped back again. The two then both ran in, taking a serious step in between each other, both getting ready for their most powerful attack that whoever was hit would be out of the fight, Yang coming in with a right haymaker and Nora going for an underhand swing. Time slowed down for a moment before Nora came through with her attack first, slamming the hammer into Yang, shattering the watermelon in the process, Sending Yang flying through the roof. "Holy... shit..." Damion said.
"Looks like my girl's got more skillz wit' it." I said like Dashiexp, earning me another bullet through the chest.
Blake had been standing underneath where Yang was launched, the debris falling down at her. "Look out, Blake!" Nicolas called out. She did, doing a back handspring to get out of the way, picking up a giant string of sausage links, spinning them around like you would a long chain or a 9-sectional whip, swiping at Nora with them and sending her flying back into a soda machine, destroying it and making it drop dozens of cans.
"Alright, free soda!" I said, as Nora wasn't hurt. She was back up immediately, picking up two cans and throwing them at Blake, catching her with the first one and causing her to do multiple backflips and back handsprings to recover at a safe distance. She then threw two more, which Blake managed to dodge. Pyrrha then got back up into a crouching position and slammed her hand down into the ground, releasing a magnetic shockwave and sending an onslaught of soda cans at the two remaining members of team RWBY, hitting Blake multiple times. She then created a giant wave of them, catching Blake and crashing her into the wall, the rest of the cans slamming into her. "Now I know why they say so much soda is bad for you." I said with a smirk.
"Blake!" Nicolas shouted in fear. Then she was somehow sent flying to the left, over Ruby's head, crashing to the ground a ways behind her. Ruby then got up with a serious look on her face. Getting into a position like she was about to start a race, she let out a battlecry and took off at insane speeds, catching anything and everything she passed by in a massive tornado-like wind as Team JNPR all slowly got up and looked in disbelief. Ruby then screamed and spun around like a red-cloaked hurricane or spinning bullet.
"It's a trap!" I said like Admiral Ackbar, flying past her opponents, taking them with her and coming to a stop just in front of the back wall as they were caught in her hurricane of food and soda cans. As she stopped, this created a small crater in the wall behind her, which team JNPR got trapped in. She backed up against the wall and jumped out of the way, allowing her opponents to be pulverized by the devastating onslaught of soda cans and other foods. The crater behind her now looked like a beautiful painted glass window... until the 4 members of the team fell from it, leaving human-sized holes in it. "Well, my preferred team lost, but that was the most epic food fight EVER." I said.
"I love these guys." Sun said happily, turning to his friend, who was covered in a purple soda.
At that moment, Goodwitch burst through the doors. "Oh, shit it's Goodwitch! Yo time to bounce, son!" I said like Dashie, diving out a window.
She growled at the incredible mess and chaos that transpired, raising a hand and stopping a couple of airborne plates of salad and sandwiches flying at her, then waved her wand, everything putting itself back in order. "Damn, bippidy, boppidy, boo." Draco said.
"Children, please. Do not play with your food." She said, pushing her glasses up.
We all looked between each other (I climbed back in the window while she wasn't looking), Nora burped rather loudly and suddenly we heard some cracking in the roof as Yang fell through it. Fortunately, Damion caught her."Nice of you to drop by, Yang." He said.
She smirked at this. "Yeah, funny CATCHING you around here." She joked.
Glynda growled at this, but then Ozpin came in and put his hand on her shoulder. "Let it go." He said.
"Frozen?" I asked.
She sighed again, looking at him, then at us. "They're supposed to be the defenders of the world." She saidas they looked at us, bantering back and forth, having a good time.
"And they will be. But right now, they're still children. So why not let them play the part? After all, it isn't a role they'll have forever." He said.
"Damn, head-man, that's DEEP. But so true. We're all getting close to that age we don't know what the hell we're gonna do with our lives." I said.
"Amen." The rest of my team said.
Damion then realized something. "Hey, wait, where's Serena's team?" He asked.
"Oh, remember how I said I was going to do a version of this story for Serena, too? Well, I am, but also decided that during the first season, I paid too much attention to their team, so it would be like reading the same story. So this time around, I'm focusing less on their team. They'll still be in the story, though. Right now they're on a mission." I explained.
In a warehouse...
Mercury and Emerald walked towards and into the warehouse as the White Fang were unloading stolen cargo and... stuff. They then walked to the back where Roman was standing, looking at a map before turning to them. "Oh, look, she sent the kids again." He said, walking around and behind them, pulling them into somewhat of a hug that clearly annoyed both of them. "This is turning out just like the divorce." He said.
Emerald shuddered as they both pulled away from him. "Spare us the thought of you procreating." She said as he moved his hand past her side (this must have been when he pick-pocketed her. P.S procreating means having kids) .
"That was a joke." He said as he walked away from them, back to where he was before, holding up the address for Tukson's book trade Emerald had before. "And THIS, JUST might tell me where you two have been all day." He said, turning back to them.
"What?!" Emerald said in disbelief, checking her pockets.
"I'm a professional, sweetheart, pay attention, maybe you'll learn something." He said, looking at the address (I was always terrible at pickpocketing in Skyrim. I was pretty good at lock picking, though). He looked at the note, then at him. "Why do you have this address?" He asked.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Emerald asked, pointing at him as he walked back up to him.
"Yeah, I would. Now, where have you been all day?" He asked.
"Cleaning up YOUR problems. One of them, at least." Mercury said, stepping forward.
"I had that under control." Roman growled.
"Two packed bags and a ticket out of Vale said otherwise." Mercury quickly countered.
"Listen, you little punk. If it were up to me, I'd take you and your little street rat friend here and I would-" Roman started, raising his cane before being interrupted.
"Do what, Roman?" A female voice rang out as the chick who fought Ruby and Goodwitch in the first episode came out of nowhere from above, coming down to their level on a lift.
Roman chuckled nervously at this. "I'd, uh, not kill them?" He asked nervously.
"Cinder!" Emerald said happily as the other woman walked up to them.
"I thought I made it clear that you were to eliminate the would-be runaway." She said, walking up as Emerald got out of her way.
"I was going to..." Roman said, stalling at the end, scratching the back of his head.
"HE was going to escape to Vacuo. Mercury and I decided to take it upon ourselves to kill the rat." Emerald interrupted
"I think he was some sort of cat, actually." Mercury objected.
"What, like a puma?" Emerald laughed.
"Yeah, there you go." He said.
"Quiet." Cinder interrupted them. "Did I not specifically instruct you two to keep your hands clean while in Vale?" She asked as Roman taunted them behind her.
"I just thought..." Emerald started.
"Don't think. Obey." Cinder interrupted.
"Yes, ma'am. It won't happen again." Emerald said, nodding.
Cinder then turned back to Roman. "And you." She asked as he laughed nervously. "Why wasn't this job done sooner?" She asked.
"Uh... Eh? EH? EH?!" He asked, gesturing to the large amounts of dust he had stolen. "Sorry if I've been a little busy stealing every speck of dust in the kingdom!" He said angrily.
"You're an inspiration to every punk with a gun and a ski mask." Mercury taunted.
"Look around, kid, I've got this town running scared: police camping out at every corner, dust prices through the roof AND we're sitting pretty in an old warehouse with more dust crystals, vials and rounds than we know what to do with." He said, turning to all of it. He then turned back to them. "Speakin' a which: if you guys wouldn't mind filling me in on your grand master plan, it MIGHT actually make my next string of robberies go a little smoother!" He said angrily, making a fist.
"Oh, Roman, have a little faith. You'll know what you need when you need to know." Cinder said, walking up to him and putting a hand on his chin, her eyes glowing threateningly like a fire. He grunted and her eyes turned back to normal and she moved away. "Besides, we're done with dust." She said.
"O...kay, then what now?" He asked.
"We're moving. Have the White Fang clear out this building. I'll send you details and coordinates tonight." She said.
"Coordinates?" He asked.
"We're proceeding to phase 2." She said, sounding happy about it.
He sighed, putting a cigar in his mouth and reaching for his lighter, but found it wasn't there. He then heard a click and looked up to see Emerald had it in her hand. She stuck her tongue out at him with a smirk before closing it.
The guys and I all read the above at that moment, Nicolas laughing. "OH! She just showed him up! Professional my ass!" He laughed.
"Yeah, but that can't be good." Damion said.
"Mucho baddo." Draco agreed in fake Spanish.
"We're gonna have a busy second semester, boys." I said.