Chapter 20 - Becoming a Padawan
DISCLAIMER: We do not own Star Wars or any of the characters in it, though we wish we did. xD
Author's Note: In which Ahsoka... well, becomes a Padawan. :')
~ Amina Gila
"The Council has been considering allowing Ahsoka to become a Jedi if she's interested," Obi-Wan informs his former padawan. He brought it up again after they were informed of the events that took place on Alderaan. Ahsoka has really changed a lot in the past two months, for the better, and he really thinks she at least deserves the offer.
"I'm not sure if she'll want to accept the offer or not," Anakin points out.
"If she does, she will be a padawan," Obi-Wan continues, "I think you would be the best person to train her." Ahsoka is closer with Anakin than with him, and besides, as much he'd actually like to take her, being on the Council and fighting a war makes that practically impossible. He'd be far too busy.
"Me?!" Anakin cries. "I can't train a padawan!"
"You'd make a good teacher," he argues.
"No thanks."
"Teaching is a privilege. And it's part of a Jedi's responsibility to help train the next generation."
"I can't do that! We've been over this." Yes, they have been. Obi-Wan tried a few times in the past to convince Anakin to take a padawan, to which he always adamantly refused, insisting that it would only slow him down.
"No one could train Ahsoka better than you, Anakin," Obi-Wan points out. "You understand her in ways no one else could. Besides, you two get along quite well."
"Fine," he sighs finally, "If she actually agrees, then I will."
"Don't worry. Just teach her everything I taught you and she'll turn out fine. Anyway, she already has a head start."
"A head start, in the Dark Side," Anakin sighs.
"Yes," Obi-Wan agrees, "But I'll be there to help you if you really need it."
**w**
"Ahsoka!"
Anakin calls Ahsoka again from where he stands close to her bed. Ugh, seriously, it cannot be time to get up yet. She opens an eye, gaze falling on the window on the far side of the room. The sun hasn't even started rising yet, though the horizon is all lit up, the light of approaching sun already steadily pushing back the darkness of the sky. Okay, definitely far too early to be getting up. What is he even doing out of bed at this hour? She thought he was the one who always wanted to sleep extremely late.
"Too early," she mumbles the words coming out slurred as she yanks the blanket over her head again, muffling his reply. Well, not that she was really trying to hear it either. Right as she's about doze off again, the blanket is yanked off her. "Hey!" Ahsoka whines, grabbing for it without opening her eyes and missing spectacularly.
"You're going to be late," he warns.
"Huh?" she buries her face in her pillow, continuing to ignore him. And admittedly feeling a little like being stubborn.
Anakin reaches over, yanking the pillow out from under her, and whacks her across the head with it. "Come on, we need to get going!"
She finally rolls over, glaring up at him. He smirks. Oh, alright, fine. She can be as stubborn as he can. Grabbing the other pillow next to her on the bed, she throws it in his face. Anakin's expression goes comically startled, and she laughs.
He tosses both pillows back at her. She throws another at him, and he ducks out of the way. It sails past him towards the door, which has to slide open that very moment. The flying pillow hits a very startled Obi-Wan in the face.
"What are you younglings doing in here?" he demands with an exasperated look.
"I'm trying to drag her out of bed," Anakin protests.
"Wondering why we're getting up at this indecent hour of the morning," Ahsoka replies, finally standing up.
"Well, the Council meeting is shortly, so you need to hurry."
"Wait... Council meeting?" Ahsoka yelps, confused. "What do I have to do with a Council meeting?" On second thought, that sounded stupid.
"You need to attend the Council meeting. It involves you," Anakin explains before hurrying out of the room, Obi-Wan in front of him.
"What? Why?!" she exclaims. What would they want to see her for? And why do they have to have meetings at the most ridiculous hours?
"Just hurry up and come," he yells over his shoulder, disappearing around the corner and closing the door behind him. Why must he be so annoying?
Before Ahsoka knows it, she finds herself standing in front of the Council, though Anakin with her this time.
"Decided, the Council has," Yoda begins, "That join the Order you may, if want to you do." For a moment, all she can do is gape at them. She's not convinced she's hearing right. They're seriously going to offer her to become a Jedi? Even now? She'd heard it was a possibility, but she never actually believed they were going to make the offer. Certainly not so soon.
"I... who'd my master be?" she manages to ask finally. Really, that's the biggest question. She'd rather not be a Jedi than have a master who doesn't think she's fit to be one.
"Who said you would need one?" smirks Anakin.
Ahsoka gives him an unimpressed look. "Because even if I'm trained well enough to become a Knight – which I'm not sure that I am – I don't know enough about being a Jedi for that." She knows what things were like before, but after the war started, she doesn't. It's not the same anymore. The Jedi are – they're warriors, now. And she needs to be older to be on her own.
"Skywalker, your master shall be," Yoda answers.
Anakin grins when she turns her stunned gaze to him. Anakin? Her master? The thought is almost heavenly, but she knows better than to jump at a chance that she thinks might be right. She takes a few deep, calming breaths, trying to make herself think. She could never be a true Jedi. She's used the Dark Side far too deeply, and it'll follow her wherever she goes, forever tainting her.
But at the same time, she can't deny how she's always felt that their destinies are intertwined. Whatever happens, they are meant to head down the same – or at least similar – paths. And maybe if she becomes a Jedi, she'll be able to have better success helping the Jedi finding something to use as proof to uncover Sidious. Plus, it would be good to help keep Anakin off Coruscant as much as possible. The more he's away from Sidious, the better. At least he seems to be being a little more careful after her warning to him.
And aside from all that, Ahsoka is growing increasingly tired of being penned up at the Temple all the time. She doesn't belong here. It's a nice place, but she doesn't belong here. The past few years of her life have been nonstop action, and before then wasn't much better. She simply doesn't know how to cope without constant action. But beyond that... she wants to make up for all the wrong she's done. She wants to help the Republic. Even if it's severely corrupted, she still bears a small measure of hope. It may not be completely right, but she wants a chance to fix what she's caused. All this time, she's served the Sith.
Now, she can't help but feel like this is the moment she's been waiting for. The Force nudges her in the direction of agreeing, and she knows better than to disobey it. And what would she have to lose, anyway? Despite everything, they could never take her freedom.
"I accept," Ahsoka confirms finally.
**w**
"Stop poking at it," Anakin sighs finally. "You'll get used to it eventually." Sure, she will. That doesn't mean having a padawan braid is by any means less strange to Ahsoka. "Even I had a hard time getting used to it."
"I'm sure," Ahsoka concedes, "But not like you were practically raised as a Sith, only to suddenly find yourself in league with the people you used to consider your worst enemies."
"Point," he waves her off, "But I brought something I thought you might like." He holds out a small box.
"What is it?" she asks, though she gets the distinct feeling she already knows.
"Open it," he prods, smirking. "I'm sure they were well taken care of." Reaching out, Ahsoka flips open the top to reveal her lightsabers. She stares the silver hilts for a long moment, unable to help thinking about the many times she's used them in the past. She finally picks them up, vaguely registering how much she's missed the feeling of the cold metal in her hands. She holds them in front of her, pressing the ignition. The familiar snap-hiss rings out, twin red blades shooting out of the hilts.
"You'll probably want to do something about the color," Anakin says teasingly. "I don't want my padawan running around with red lightsabers."
Red, like blood. Like the blood of the countless people who were killed by them, by the simple command of her master. Of Sidious's desire. She's killed so many, in an attempt to please Dooku. And what did she get in exchange for it all? Abandonment? It's fine, she supposes. She doesn't need him anymore. She has more than she ever could have imagined.
"I guess, in part, one of the reasons I wanted to become a Jedi was for redemption," Ahsoka admits finally. It's strange to state her emotions aloud, but she knows it's better than trying to hold it all in. "I can never restore the lives I've taken, but maybe I can make up for it."
There's something in Anakin's expression – a memory, perhaps? – that looks almost vulnerable. "Can you?" he asks after a moment of silence. "Can you make up for it?" For some reason, the way he says it gives her the impression that what he's saying is incredibly personal, almost like he's had experience with it himself. Why? What did he do?
Ahsoka lifts her gaze to meet his. "I don't know," she answers honestly, "But I won't let my past ruin me." Despite it all, she's still young, even if she never can wash off everything she's done. She has an entire life ahead of her, one which she has little desire to make dark if she can have a choice about it. The nightmares she has from her deeds will always haunt her, but Obi-Wan was right. She can't blame herself for it. She did everything she could have done. Yes, she did it, but it's unfair to consider her entirely accountable. "I'll keep moving." Something flickers in his eyes, though it's gone before Ahsoka can register it.
She steps back from him, letting herself look around his – their – apartment. This place has so many positive, happy memories. She turns off her lightsabers, moving across the room before lowering herself into a meditative position. She changed her lightsaber crystals to red in the first place, and she's fairly certain she can undo it the same way she did it to begin with. She wouldn't really know for certain, but it's worth a try. And maybe it's also part of a message she wants to get across to Sidious, the message of 'I am no longer yours to control.' She is a Jedi now, and she has every intent as proving herself as such. Sidious will have no more control over her, and she won't let him ruin her future, or her possible future. She's free.
Anakin takes a seat on the couch, doing something on a datapad while Ahsoka sets one lightsaber down next to her and holds the other out in front of her, slowly pulling the pieces apart with her mind. They scatter across the floor, revealing the shining, brilliant ruby crystal. She takes it, closing a gloved hand over it. Closing her eyes, Ahsoka lets herself drift out into the currents of the Force. She'll try this with one first to see if it works.
These past couple months have almost been a dream, what she's longed for her whole life yet firmly believed impossible. Who could have thought that her, a Sith assassin, could finally find peace among the people she's worked to destroy her whole life? Yet here she is.
She has far more negative memories than positive, but Ahsoka carefully focuses solely on the positive ones. Starting from when Anakin offered her a new life and on. Remembering the times she spent with him and Obi-Wan, and even Plo. The time on the ship so recently she spent a good portion of the journey playing Dejarik with Padme as if they were old friends. How they, even if it was only the four of them, got over her past so fast and accepted her as a friend so quickly, maybe even more than a friend on Anakin's part. She doesn't really know how he feels, and he probably wouldn't give her the answer she's looking for even if she asked.
When Ahsoka finally opens her eyes, she feels more peaceful than she probably has in her life, slowly unclenching her hands to look at the crystal. Instead of the blood red as before, it's a crystal-clear white, shining brightly. Glimmering as a symbol of the hope in her heart, a reminder that she's finally free. That now after everything, even she gets a chance to start anew.
"White?" Anakin asks, and Ahsoka jumps, looking up at him. She hadn't even noticed him getting up. "I didn't exactly expect it would work, but it does really fit."
**w**
Anakin watches as Ahsoka ignites her lightsabers, the white blades hissing to life. The color fits strangely perfectly with her, though he's never seen anyone else use it before.
"Now perhaps we should head to the training area," Anakin suggests. "It's been far too long since you last sparred."
"I couldn't agree more," she grins. "It was beginning to kill me."
"I'll try not to disarm you in five seconds."
"Good luck trying. I doubt I've gotten that rusty, Skyguy," she retorts, deactivating her lightsabers and clipping them to her belt.
"Come on," he urges, stepping out into the main hall and heading for the training level. Anakin can hardly believe this is happening. He never would have thought he'd take a padawan – despite how much Obi-Wan has been attempting to convince him otherwise – least of all Ahsoka. Anakin can't say he minds. He's honestly quite nervous, but Obi-Wan insists he'll be fine.
"Hey," a vaguely familiar voice cuts Anakin out of his thoughts, and he looks up to see Barriss Offee approaching them as they near the entrance to the training rooms. "Is she really the former Sith assassin?" How nice of her to talk about Ahsoka as if she isn't there.
"Yes, that would be me," Ahsoka replies, not breaking her stride.
"What are you doing here?" Barriss demands, not exactly succeeding in keeping the hostility out of her voice. Great. Hopefully, they're not all going to start acting hostile towards her.
"Sparring," Ahsoka deadpans.
"She's my new padawan," Anakin announces.
"The Council agreed to let her become a Jedi?!" Barriss exclaims.
"No, I decided on my own," he states flatly. That's a question so stupid it's hardly worthy of a response. How else could she be his padawan? Anakin is getting more than a little tired of the constant hostility everyone's been showing the Togruta. He's almost afraid it's going to make her reconsider becoming a Jedi after all, and he really doesn't want to lose her. Not now, not ever. She understands him in a way no one else does or ever could, and that's not something he wants either of them to lose.
Barriss doesn't respond immediately, her expression staying almost perfectly neutral as always – which Anakin still fails to understand how people can even do – as she continues to trail after the pair. "How could they have agreed to that?" she demands finally as they pause near the doors. It doesn't seem like they'll be getting rid of her any time soon.
"Because," Anakin retorts, "Someone's past doesn't have to permanently seal their future."
"But Master Yoda's always said that people can never turn back from the Dark Side," she objects. Seriously, could she not find a better time to have this conversation instead of right in front of Ahsoka? What happened to her manners? Wait, she probably doesn't even have any.
"I'm so glad you forgot my presence," Ahsoka mutters.
Anakin turns towards Barriss smoothly, crossing his arms and struggling to hide his annoyance. They'd been able to stay at their 'mutual respect' thing through the second battle of Geonosis, despite how hard a time they have agreeing on much of anything. Anakin doesn't want to lose that now, despite how annoyed he is. "What he said was that the Dark Side forever dominates a person's destiny once they start using it, not that it's physically impossible for them to make different choices. It will affect their choices, but that doesn't mean they have to be evil."
"I can't believe the Council would decide that." Barriss says flatly.
"Why don't you talk to them about it?" Ahsoka shoots back. "I thought it wasn't your place to question them."
"They don't always make the right decision," she argues adamantly. "It's completely against everything the Jedi uphold to accept a Sith into their midst."
"So was getting involved in the war," Anakin snaps, glaring at her, "And what are you doing here, anyway? Shouldn't you be with your master?" He's really getting sick of her attitude. Just because she doesn't agree, that doesn't mean she has to act so hostile towards Ahsoka for it. Barriss stares at them for a long moment before turning and walking away. So much for not losing that role... Even so, Ahsoka always comes first. "Don't worry. Some Jedi have no manners," Anakin grumbles to his Padawan, hurrying into the training area before anyone else can come over to them.
"I've noticed," she mutters. "It's almost making me rethink my decision."
"Don't let what they say bother you," Anakin advises, "You'll make a better Jedi than most of them."
"Thank you... Master," she says, sounding a bit overwhelmed.
"You don't have to call me 'master,'" he tells her. "I know that word doesn't have a good meaning to you." There's a flicker of surprise in her expression, before she nods gratefully.
"Now come on. Let's get on with your lessons," he advises, igniting his lightsaber.
"Lessons? I thought this was practice," Ahsoka snips, her own blades hissing to life.
"Depends on what you're up to," Anakin retorts and attacks. Second later, the sound of clashing lightsabers fills the room.
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