Author's Note
In Material Science, the Ultimate Tensile Strength is the point of maximum stress a material can take before breaking. This is also the point my readers are probably at, knowing that Sophie is about to get sent to Tahiti while I purposely increase the "will-they-won't-they" tension between these two. Do I regret it? Not even one bit.
It will be worth it tho ;)
Levi opened the door leading to the storage room of the HQ, filled with shelves and boxes. The light from the afternoon sun coming through the window tainted the area. The belongings of the recent arrests had been placed on a table at the center, separated in stacks.
Sophie walked past him, heading towards the pile that had a folded shawl and a metal needle. Without undoing the remains of her braid, she used the ornament to tie her hair in a bun with her usual motion. She grabbed the shawl and wrapped herself in it with a sigh.
Levi closed the door. Next to it, there was a cupboard with a water jar and a set of glass cups. He filled two cups before breaking the silence that had accompanied them on the way back from the cell.
"Well, it didn't seem like you needed a savior back there. Although you were dangerously close."
Sophie chuckled, "There is no fun without a bit of risk, right?" She had her back on Levi, but he could distinguish her messing with another bundle from the table, closer to its corner. She grabbed an elegant suit jacket and searched its pockets to extract a pack of cigarettes and a matchbox. There was no doubt on whose jacket it was.
With a swift move, she sat on the desk and lit up the wooden stick. She passed the flame to the cigarette resting between her lips and wavered her hand, extinguishing the fire on the match before dropping it on the floor. Levi wanted to complain, but he didn't. After her discourse in Asbel's cell, something in her presence called for his admiration and not his restraint.
The ashes on the tip of the cigarette lit up as she breathed in the air. She exhaled the smoke while saying, "I should've made you pay for a ticket, though. That was quite the show."
Levi grabbed a glass of water and walked towards her. "If anything, it has convinced me of never marrying anyone," he scoffed. Sophie lifted an eyebrow, questioning his words.
"Careful, Captain. Don't make promises you can't keep," she responded.
Levi grunted at both her comment and the sight of the fume swirling around her face. "I didn't know you smoked."
She took another puff and lifted her chin to let out the smoke trapped in her mouth. "Only after certain situations."
"Like what, breaking a man's heart?" he taunted, approaching her and leaving the glass on the table.
She smiled, "I'll leave that to your imagination."
"Well, you can't smoke in here," he said, rolling his eyes. "It's disgusting, so turn that off, will you?"
"I think that we have broken quite a few rules already," she said, extending her arm to offer him the cigarette.
Levi frowned. Despite the weakness she had shown at the chapel and the office, she seemed to have recovered her confidence. He was proud to see her strong expression, with nothing to hide or fear. It was the adult version of the girl who never hesitated to talk back to anyone.
"Don't you ever get tired of getting in trouble?" he asked, getting closer to her.
"Don't you ever get tired of being an obedient soldier?" she replied as she bent forward, almost placing the cigarette between his lips.
Levi hesitated for a moment but ultimately grabbed the roll with two fingers. She grinned at the sight of the clean soldier inhaling the dirty fume from the cigarette. Once he breathed out the smoke, he got close enough to Sophie to feel the burnt scent surrounding her face. As they stared into each other, Levi lifted the cigarette, with the ashy side facing him. Sophie opened her mouth slightly, waiting for him to return the roll by placing it between her lips. Instead, he leaned to the side and dipped it in the glass of water next to her.
"You are no fun," she moaned.
"That's for calling me pocket-sized," he whispered in her ear. He quickly moved away from her. "Your speech down there was impressive. I should've known better than trying to talk you out of it."
"Yeah, you should've." She clicked her tongue, "Are you scared of me now?"
"No," he replied. Sophie seemed disappointed, but he elaborated, "Unlike that jerk, I already knew that you are not a dull lady."
"Well, I used to be," she sighed. "But I'm done playing dress-up and being the Military's good girl."
"That's good to hear." He walked back to the cupboard and mumbled, "But keep the dresses. They look good on you."
"Hm?"
"Nothing."
He grabbed the other glass on the board and drank some of its water to get rid of the ashy taste in his mouth.
"I'll admit that it was very…thrilling to see you shatter him. But bringing his mother into the mix was a low blow," he scolded. "I think you are getting too used to those dirty moves."
"It's the same strategy he always used against me. You can't get anywhere by playing fair."
"Still, not very elegant." He finished the drink and put the glass back. If she had involved his mother in a fight, she wouldn't be smoking cigarettes and acting like the Queen of the Walls afterward. "He seemed very upset about it," he mumbled.
"And I bet you are dying to know why," she said, playfully stretching her back and crossing her legs.
After a moment of silence, he replied, "Fine, I'll bite."
She smiled and quickly bent forward, like a chatterer courtesan ready to learn and spill everyone's secrets at a party. Despite growing up surrounded by brutes, her posture and expression indicated that the manners of the Capital had easily rubbed off on her. She was only missing a cup of tea and a delicate fan to hide her whispers.
"Asbel had an older brother. Remember that epidemic? When that weird doctor with glasses saved the kingdom? Well, the brother didn't make it, and guess which one of the two was the top contender to inherit the family's business?"
He crossed his arms, "Huh, Hange was right. I should listen to gossip more often."
"He never really talked about it, so don't worry, your introversion is not to blame," she mocked, waving her hand.
"Actually, I think he mentioned something."
"Huh?"
"That time he stalked me, he said something about losing loved ones and making up for it," he recalled, passing a hand through his hair.
Sophie blinked several times, "Damn. You must've charmed the pants off him at the chapel for him to tell you that."
"Well, it seems like I wasn't a complete stranger to him," he noted, bending his neck. He didn't want to confront her directly about what Asbel had said at the cell, but he was curious to learn just how long she had waited for him to come back.
"I never told him about you," she said in all seriousness. "I'm not surprised that he intercepted my mail, but it baffles me that he did it even before we got married."
"What a keeper, huh?"
"Believe it or not, he never really cared about my other…companions. He probably thought that I was just playing around and that I would come back to him, as always." She smiled, "He must've been quite jealous of you."
Levi cleared his throat. "I can't see why." Despite how much he loathed Asbel, he was a handsome, tall, and rich man. He had always seen himself as a small, grumpy soldier without much to offer.
"Well, after his brother's death, everyone in Sheena saw him as the weak link of the chain. He had to endure all kinds of insults and expectations, even from his own family. That's why he was always trying to prove to everyone how powerful and successful he was." She uncrossed her legs and leaned back, placing her hands on the table as support. "I would say that seeing his wife making out with Humanity's strongest soldier crushed his stone-cold heart."
He frowned, recalling the blasting sound back at the Survey Corps dinner and Sophie's shocked expression before he had kissed her.
"He was…at the dinner?"
"It's very likely. In any case, the other men were just pawns to him." She pointed her finger at Levi while saying, "You were the king."
"Should I be flattered?" he frowned, still confused on why a man so used to her wife's affairs would care about a soldier like him. He knew that people in the Corps admired him and had tried to follow in his footsteps, but not to Asbel's level. However, he had already proven to be a relentless man.
She shrugged before adding, "I told you, you are special. You are everything Asbel ever wanted to be, but unlike him, you didn't need to flaunt it around." She paused and looked at him with softness before whispering, "You are… natural about it."
He scoffed, "Don't tell me you married him because he was an expensive version of myself."
"Ouch," she pouted. "No, I did it because we weren't special. Even with such different upbringings, we both had to work hard to get to the top and be recognized. But at least I knew where to draw the line."
"You are special," he remarked. "Don't compare yourself to him."
"No, I'm not special. I know how that looks like," she said, staring at him decisively. Sophie sighed, "In any case, it's what you said. I don't condone his actions, but I understand him to a certain extent. Perhaps if I had been born in Sheena like him instead of in the Underground, and if I had suffered the same things he suffered, I would've done the same things he did."
"I don't think so."
"Why?"
"You are not like those snobs."
"Because I know what it's like to be at the bottom. And that's the thing, right? What if I hadn't?" She tapped her fingers on the board, expectant. Levi didn't reply, so she elaborated, "Do you think that if we had been born on the surface, we would've become different people?" Do you think we would've met anyway and that you would've felt the same way about me as you did when we were kids?"
"I'd rather not think about those things."
"Why not?"
"Because it doesn't matter, and there is no point in drowning in all the possibilities," he said, walking towards her. "There is no such thing as fate. Things happen because of our choices. Nothing else."
Sophie swayed her head before answering, "Being born is not your choice. How lucky you get at that shapes the rest of your life, I would say."
"We can't change it, so it doesn't matter," he repeated.
Sophie paused for a moment, unsatisfied with his answer. She scanned Levi with her eyes and frowned. He got closer to her to decipher what was going on inside her head.
"Tell me something, did you ever get high on it?" she asked, breaking the silence.
"High on what?"
She crossed her legs once more and playfully twisted her ankle as she elaborated, "Being the strongest soldier. Having people cheering for you, devoting their lives to fight alongside you, even though you were always the last man standing."
Levi placed a hand on the board and leaned forward. Sophie raised her eyebrows at his closeness, and he lifted his chin to look more imposing to her. She was too drunk on her recent victory. He needed to remind her that, even if she wasn't wearing the shackles anymore, it didn't mean she was in control.
"Careful, Sophie. You may have played Asbel, but that doesn't give you the right to toy with the rest of us."
She smirked before whispering, "Zachary is about to send me to the most recondite place they can think of, so I'm afraid I've got nothing to lose."
"You think so?"
"Unless you want to prove me wrong," she teased, locking her eyes on his.
He felt the need to show her that she did have something to lose. There was no waver in her gaze, just like she hadn't wavered to any of Asbel's slander. And yet, her pupils dilated the more they looked at each other. He increased the force he exerted on the table to support himself, analyzing every bit of her face.
Despite his clear intention, she bent her neck and commanded, "Give me your hand."
"Why?" he asked, maintaining his posture and closeness.
"Do you trust me?"
Those words again, just like at the cell. Just like Erwin had said them. He had learned that despite her twisted and wicked methods, she was still someone he could trust. He grunted and moved to the side.
He leaned his back on the edge of the table and lifted his right hand, and she gently grabbed his wrist to bring it closer to her. With her other hand, she stroked the top of his fingers.
"You've probably learned a lot of things just by watching people, like braiding hair," she said, caressing the back of his hand. "Unlike you, Asbel never paid attention to my work. I'm sure that's how you were able to figure out my secret engravings." Levi was getting tired of all the comparisons between him and that jerk businessman. He tried to read her expression, but her eyes were fixed on his hand. She continued, "That's why you are always so quiet; you are not shy, just observant."
"I don't recall signing up for therapy," said Levi. She ignored him and kept feeling his skin instead. The contact made him feel uneasy, but he chose to trust her. He stared at her dedicated motion; she was looking for something.
"You'd be surprised by the things I've learned about people just by touching their hands."
"Are you trying to make me jealous?"
"Oh, are you?" she said, lifting her head to look at him. Levi gulped, but before he could reply, her attention went back to his hand. "Hm, back at the Survey Corps dinner, I wasn't really at my prime, but I did notice something interesting. You see, the hands of a soldier are quite distinctive. Their skin is rougher at the top of the palm, like here." She turned his hand and caressed the area of dry patches and calluses. "And here. Probably because of the way they hold the blades," she noted, traversing the zone with her fingers until they almost reached his wrist. "The most…brutal ones from the Police have some scars around their knuckles." She rubbed the area, noticing the roughness present. However, she didn't seem surprised.
"What are you trying to do here, Sophie?"
"Prove something," she answered, rotating his hand and placing her fingers over his, feeling their outline. She stopped at the top part of his middle finger. "What surprised me from your hand was this callus over here. You see, that's quite a specific point. It's the kind of bump only people who write a lot have. And by a lot, I mean a lot." She moved his hand so he could trace the side of her middle finger. Along her soft skin, he felt a dry, rough area. "See? I have it, but many Government officers don't."
"I do a lot of paperwork," he sighed.
"I highly doubt you've done as much as I have," she countered. "I wonder, why would a soldier, whose only purpose is to fight for Humanity, have the sign of someone whose purpose is to sit and write?" She stared at him, and Levi started to figure out where she was heading with that act. She continued, "Unless they were trying to prove that they were more than a soldier, right?"
"No more games, Sophie. You promised."
"Oh, trust me. I'm not even playing." She placed her index finger on top of his callus, whispering, "Tell me, why do you have this?"
"I think you know the answer."
"Yes, but I want to hear you say it."
Levi scoffed at her words, mimicking his speech from the office. She had claimed to no longer be that Underground girl, but the more she talked, the more he could see that reckless spirit of hers.
"You may think that I'm special, but I've also worked hard to get where I am," he seethed. Levi moved his hand away from hers. Instead of restraining him, she let his touch slip. "I told you, I don't want my purpose in this world to be killing and fighting."
"You haven't answered my question," she insisted, decisively staring at him.
Levi looked away, rubbing his hand as if that would eliminate the traits she had accurately pointed out. He was both impressed and ashamed that he had read him so easily, based on his skin alone. Levi switched his gaze back to her, who stared at him with an imposing presence, patiently expecting his answer. The softness in her eyes signaled Levi that she wasn't there to judge but rather to understand him.
"Fine," he sighed. Sophie had already faced her demons, so perhaps it was time for him to do the same. "Kenny taught me how to write, how to fight, and how to not be a stupid Underground rat. So I practiced my handwriting every day, even after he was gone and I was already at the Corps. I punched everyone he told me to punch. I always did whatever the hell he wanted me to do so he wouldn't leave. And guess what? He did it anyway," he seethed.
"He wasn't a good man. You don't owe him anything," she responded. Despite Levi's vulnerability, there was no hesitation in her words. He knew he couldn't expect her to show sympathy for his uncle, but he still hoped that she could at least recognize their bond. Just as she had been the Military's good girl, he had also been Kenny's loyal thug.
"I would've died if it wasn't for Kenny. And I wouldn't have become the skilled fighter everyone praises without him either."
She lowered her head and muttered, "Yeah, I get it." Levi could feel some of her confidence fade away as she stared at her. He realized why she hadn't faced Asbel before and why she had requested to see him, despite everything he had done to her. Asbel was her Kenny.
"It's not just him," he snapped. "I trusted Erwin with my life, and almost everyone I know is in a coffin." He paused, staring at Sophie. "I didn't reply to your letters so you wouldn't suffer because of me, and you did. I reunited with you, and now you are leaving me too."
She slowly lifted her head, whispering, "I know." She opened her mouth, staggering.
Before she could say anything else, he continued, "I'm tired that everything ends up becoming a damn mess, that everyone leaves or dies, no matter what I do or how much I fight." He clenched his fist, remembering all the deaths and sacrifices. "I don't want to be special. I just want to have something that doesn't disappear."
"A home."
"Yeah."
They remained silent. The only sounds to be heard were their gentle breaths and the quiet rumble from the people outside. The orange light from the sundown bathed the room and colored their skin. Looking at Sophie and her empathetic expression, Levi realized that she had never seen him as her husband's substitute.
"None of that is on you, Levi," she breathed out, adjusting her shawl. "And it's not your fault that they died."
"No, but it is my responsibility to make their deaths worth it," he countered. "I promised."
She closed her eyes and looked at the ceiling, meditating her reply.
"After a decade apart, we both have the same mark of someone willing to do anything for the sake of their sacrifices. I just wanted to show you that even though I've never been on the battlefield, you are not alone in this." She turned to him and grabbed his hand once more, with tenderness and support, like she was passing her strength to him. "I'm proud of you, whether you honor your comrades or run away to open your teashop."
Levi's eyes fluttered with her words, and his skin bristled with her touch. All the praise and respect he had received as a soldier had never made him feel special. He had always seen his skills as a responsibility rather than a gift. He saw it as payback for all the loss he had suffered, forcing him to keep going. Unlike Kenny and Asbel, he had never craved strength and power. He had never gotten high on the medal from the Queen, the cheers from the civilians, or the trust from his comrades. But at that moment, he could see himself getting high on those words and the woman whispering them.
"Sophie, I—"
Before he could continue, she placed her index finger over his lips. A quiet signal that she didn't need anything from him. No promises, support, or affection. She wasn't testing his intentions like at the office. She just wanted him to listen.
"Remember what I said at Ehrmich," she said. Levi felt his breath being blocked by her touch. "To me, your life is not tied to the death of your comrades. You are not the brutal, fearless Captain Levi everyone thinks you are. You are the kind gentleman that made sure I didn't catch a cold from working in a basement all night. Nothing will ever change that." She slowly slid the finger away, with its tip tracing from his cupid's bow down to his chin. "Do whatever you have to do, but don't lose yourself as I did."
The door opened, and Hange stomped into the room.
"There you are! Oh," they gasped. Levi and Sophie quickly attempted to move away from each other, but it wasn't fast enough, and the Commander read into the atmosphere. "Well, at least you are still fully clothed," they muttered.
"Hange? Knocking, maybe?" criticized Sophie. She slid along the table, adjusting her shawl to make her hands look busy.
"Sorry," they shrugged. "What the hell happened down there? I've heard that prick crying for like 20 minutes straight. Did she behave, Levi?"
Levi stared at the floor, unaware of Hange's question. He was still processing Sophie's words and how her touch had revealed his biggest insecurities. She knew him, and what she didn't know, she wanted to understand.
"Levi?" repeated Hange. Levi shook his head and looked up, only to find Sophie and Hange staring at him in confusion.
"Uh? Yeah," he mumbled. "Yeah, nothing out of line."
"Okay," they sighed. "Well, Sophie, your carriage back home is outside. Ehrmich, right?"
She kept looking at Levi as she replied, "Mitras, actually. I have most of my things there."
"Alright, make sure to tell them. I believe the contact will pick you up tomorrow morning, so enjoy the last bits of your manor tonight." Hange crossed their arms before asking, "You ready?"
Levi was unresponsive to their conversation, not even looking at Sophie. She stared at him instead, but there was no feedback from his side.
Sophie lowered her head and sighed, "Yeah, I just need to grab something."
She leaned towards Levi. Triggered by her closeness, he instinctively turned to her. They locked their eyes for a second before she bent to the side and extended her arm, reaching for Asbel's coat behind him. As she stretched towards the end of the table, her cheek brushed Levi's, and he could feel her smoky breath against his skin.
She whispered in his ear, "Just because you are the strongest soldier doesn't mean that you have to be strong all the time." He could hear the whirl of the jacket behind him as she grasped it. He knew her little game of distraction was about to end, but he was too paralyzed to react. Before she moved away, pulling the jacket with her, she bent her neck and gently pressed her lips on his cheek. Her delicate kiss lasted for just a second, leaving a damp trace that, for once, he did now want to wipe away. Her final whisper concluded, "Consider that piece of advice my goodbye gift, Levi."
She jumped off the table and walked towards Hange, dragging the jacket without looking back. Levi was still trying to get back to reality as his heart raced uncontrollably. He kept drowning in her statuesque presence, the tender touch in his hand, the ash-burnt scent that had accompanied her closeness, and the honesty of her words.
Sophie stood in front of the Commander, looking down as she babbled. "Hange, I…"
Before she could finish, Hange jumped to hug her. Sophie staggered at first but ended up corresponding to the embrace, burying her head on their shoulder.
"I hate you so much for leaving me alone with all this paperwork," they said with a broken voice. "I bet that's why you became a criminal."
She smiled, "You got me." They separated and smiled at each other, signaling Sophie's redemption and Hange's unspoken goodbye.
A Survey Corps lieutenant waited in the hallway to escort her. Levi stared at Sophie's silhouette crossing the door and disappearing in the distance, without giving him one last look. He felt the impulse of following her, but before he could act, Hange closed the door.
They walked towards the table and sighed, "You good?"
"Yeah," Levi replied instinctively. The words came out of his mouth without him thinking about them. He could still feel the pounding of his heart in his head.
Hange crossed their legs, leaning their hips on the table. "So, Zachary wants to talk with us about the basement thing." They paused, looking for Levi's attention. Seeing that their comrade was unresponsive, Hange softened their gaze and placed a hand over his shoulder. "I can make up some excuse if you want to…join her tonight instead."
The basement thing.
That meant the lives of his comrades and his failed promise to Erwin. Despite Hange's suggestion, he felt his duty falling over him like a bucket of ice-cold water, washing away all the feelings and Sophie's words. The Captain ordered the basement boy to keep fighting, to be strong, and make their deaths worth it no matter the cost. To not hesitate in battle like he hesitated when Sophie has present. Those vulnerable moments—the dinner, Ehrmich, the office—felt like the intermission of an act that was not over yet.
He stood up and walked towards the door. Before grabbing the handle, he placed his fingers over his cheek, trying to recall that same warmth and sensibility he had felt. But it was gone.
He opened the door and mumbled, "We have work to do."