Author's Notes
*lights up a candle*
heheh welcome
First of all, I want to give a shout-out to KikiStarFire for being so encouraging! And MASSIVE thanks to Aetherish for the beta-reading, suggestions, and her great insight on this story. ❤❤❤
And of course, thanks to vain-gl0ry for their amazing comments, on point every time.
Sophie stared at her reflection in the mirror and gulped. With her fingers, she combed some of the hair strands framing her face before ensuring that the golden needle secured her tight bun. She couldn't allow a single mistake that day.
The sunlight coming from the windows was enough to illuminate the grand bedroom of the Mitras manor. It highlighted every detail, dimple, or flaw on her face, despite all the makeup covering it. She liked how the cosmetics accentuated her features, but she couldn't get used to the feeling of powder on her skin and the dryness around her eyes. And yet, it was a necessary evil. It made her look like the woman she was supposed to be.
She grabbed the lipstick bar resting on the dresser's board and applied yet another layer of bright red tint. The contrast with her pale skin was higher than what she had anticipated, but perhaps it would make her look more lively, more fitting for the position she was about to take.
A knock on the door forced her to snap out of her thoughts. She turned around to find Asbel at the entrance, wearing an elegant black suit and an impeccable white shirt underneath. His hair was slightly combed back, without any need for gel. For him, all that elegance came naturally. He smiled as he scanned her from top to bottom.
"Well, would you look at you?" he said, approaching her with a grin. Sophie moved away from the dresser, spinning around so he could get a better view of her deep blue dress. Simple cut, straight neckline. Expensive.
Asbel stood in front of her, slightly wrinkling his eyes while he evaluated her appearance. Sophie blinked several times and bent her neck.
"It's the lipstick. It's too much, isn't it?" she hesitated, ashamed for not getting it right.
Asbel clicked his tongue. "Hm, yes. But don't worry, that has an easy fix." He leaned forward and kissed her, sensibly pressing his lips against hers, but with enough force to remove the color. She felt her cheeks warm up with his sudden action. He wasn't one to easily show affection, so it was comforting for her to see him in such a relaxed state.
Asbel slowly broke their kiss, and Sophie let his blue eyes scan her face as he gently moved away from her. He turned towards the dresser and grabbed a cloth napkin.
Sophie covered her mouth, slightly flustered as she giggled, "You are terrible."
"I know," he replied, cleaning the smudge around his lips before handing her the handkerchief. "Are you nervous?"
"You have no idea," she sighed, wiping the excess makeup. She quickly evaluated herself in the mirror. Indeed, she looked much better without the lipstick.
"Don't be." Asbel leaned his hip on the edge of the dresser's board and crossed his arms. "I've already told her about you. This is just to formalize the engagement."
Sophie gently shook her head, "Still, I want to make a good impression. But given what you've told me about her, I don't think she will like me very much."
"She doesn't like anyone, don't worry about it," he scoffed. "She will try to get under your skin. Just keep quiet and let me do the talking, okay?"
"Easy for you to say: you are always so collected," she teased, rolling her eyes.
"Well, I've had an entire lifetime of practice." He swayed his head and scanned her once more. "You will learn that in due time as well."
Sophie curled her lips. "Why should I?"
"So no one gets under your skin," he remarked. "That's the only way you can rise above those stuck-up nerds and become Chief."
"Like that's ever going to happen." She rolled her eyes and joked, "The Walls will crumble to bits before those snobs let someone from the Underground run Engineering."
"Then you just have to make sure that there is no one better than someone from the Underground," he said, lifting an eyebrow. "Despite how noble and select Engineering might look, it's still a business. They won't care who does what as long as it gets them their paycheck at the end of the day."
Sophie looked away. Ever since their engagement, she had felt more powerful and confident, no longer doubting her abilities or worthiness to reach the top of the division. Asbel had given her the tools and support to cement her position, and he had only asked for some extra reports and projects in return.
"Right," she whispered. "Good thing I have such a successful businessman by my side to give me a pep talk."
Asbel grinned, and the iciness of his eyes became more prominent with the gesture.
"Good thing I have such a smart engineer to double-check my numbers." He wrapped his hands around her waist and swayed her towards him. He murmured, "It's good to see that you are doing better."
Sophie placed her hands over his shoulders and frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Well, these past weeks, you seemed slightly…afflicted." He moved one hand away from her waist to caress her cheek. "Like you were about to jump off the balcony, perhaps?"
Sophie instinctively gulped, remembering the day of his proposal, drowning in her work to forget about the grief from losing her colleagues. Her unsettling comment hadn't gone over his head after all.
"Oh, right, sorry about that," she said, looking away. "I was…concerned about something, but not anymore."
Asbel pressed his forehead against hers as he whispered, "So, whatever it was, it's over now?"
The closeness of his piercing gaze was both intimidating and supporting, but she had come to accept that part of Asbel. She interpreted it as protection rather than captivity.
She hadn't sent any more letters, and she no longer woke up in the middle of the night to anxiously check the mailbox. There was no point in waiting for a man that had used her skills to climb up before disappearing from her life, silently, without even a lettered reply. He might've made a name for himself at her expense, but she was just one step away from showing the world that she also deserved to be at the top, with someone who truly loved her by her side.
"Yes." She nodded. "It's over."
"Good," he said, slowly moving away from her. "Close your eyes."
Sophie followed without question. She trusted him.
With her eyes shut, she tried to decipher Asbel's intentions using her other senses. Sophie heard the rustle of fabric and Asbel's rhythmic, calm breathing. Suddenly, she felt soft fingertips between her exposed collarbones, and her skin bristled with the touch as he traced them along her sternum. Before reaching the hem of her bodice, covering her cleavage, Asbel moved his hand towards the side. He pinched some of the fabric over her chest, but despite his puzzling action, she didn't complain.
She then felt his hands around her shoulders, gently guiding her to turn around.
"Open your eyes," he whispered in her ear. Sophie followed, blinking at the nitid reflection. Asbel stood behind her, expectant.
A golden brooch of mesmerizing glow decorated the bodice above her heart, portraying a winged animal with large eyes, perched on a tree branch. Unlike her needle, it held no precious stones, but it remained an impressive piece of jewelry.
"This is…wow," gasped Sophie, passing her fingers over the ornament. "What is it? I've never seen a bird like this before."
"It's a barn owl," he answered, observing her shocked expression through the reflection. "It's the emblem of the Barnes."
"Really? You never wear it," she recalled.
"I'd rather make a name for myself. This family has brought me enough trouble already," he said, moving away from her and arranging the cuffs of his suit. "But since you don't want to take my surname, I thought it might give you some leverage in the next meetings with the Board."
"That's very kind," she muttered, looking down to observe the brooch with her own eyes instead of its reflection. Asbel kept offering his help, even when she didn't know she needed it. "Thank you."
He cleared his throat. "It's been in my family for generations, so be careful with it, okay? Don't wear it to unnecessary parties or dinners."
"Yes, Mister," she replied, rolling her eyes. "There are so many rules around here, I can barely remember them all. Don't you have a book or something?" she joked.
"Well, I can find you one. But I hope that you are in for something more exciting than bedtime reading tonight."
Sophie turned around with a snort, flushing. Asbel stood with his arms crossed, a cheeky smile across his face. Seeing him so avid and affectionate was a rarity. Intimate, even. The sight was even more surprising given the crucial meeting ahead.
"You are in a really good mood today," she said, perplexed. "What's up with you?"
Asbel shrugged, "I guess I enjoy any chance I get to prove my mother wrong." As soon as he finished the sentence, a loud knock from the main door rumbled through the room. Asbel lifted an eyebrow and said, "Speak of the Devil…"
"And it shall appear," concluded Sophie. Asbel smiled in response.
"I'll go get her," he instructed. Asbel headed towards the door, but before opening it, he turned to her and added, "Follow my lead, and you will be fine. Understood?"
Sophie nodded in response, and Asbel left the room. She took a deep, shaky breath and observed herself in the mirror once more to ensure that her presence was flawless. There could be no room for failure. It was her responsibility to prove that someone like her deserved to be part of the upper-echelons of Sheena. But most of all, she wanted Asbel to be happy and show that wicked lady that he was just as capable as his father and brother. That tea party was nothing more than a cue to establish their position.
Sophie silently glided towards the living room. It was golden and exuberant, without a single speck of dust to be present. The most exquisite silverware of all Mitras served the refreshment of tea and pastries over the low table. Flowers decorated and scented the area, and the slightly opened window let the gentle breeze sway the curtains. The setting was perfect, and the tea was ready. Only the guest was missing.
Sophie stood in front of the couches surrounding the board. She rolled her shoulders and placed one hand over the other, resting them on her stomach. Her heartbeat increased as the footsteps and murmurs grew closer to the room's entrance, and she could swear it skipped a beat as the door opened. Sophie straightened her back, clearing her throat.
The lady entered first, followed by Asbel. Sophie had expected her to be in her sixties, but the prominent wrinkles on her face and the short, white hair shouldn't be present in a woman of that age. Rather than grouched like an elder, her stance was rigid and composed. She was almost as tall as Asbel, and therefore, taller than Sophie.
She approached Sophie with a gentle smile and the same blue eyes her son had, although less intense. Despite the wrinkles and marks, her facial features were defined and beautiful without any need for cosmetics. The same aura of peace and resolution that Asbel always portrayed was also present in her.
"I'm delighted to meet you, Sophie." She talked with such softness in her voice it almost looked like she was singing her name. Before Sophie could respond, the lady grabbed her hands delicately, fixing those familiar blue eyes on her. With her gaze and gentle but rugose touch, Sophie felt surprisingly relaxed, almost as if she were greeting an old friend and not the despicable woman Asbel made her out to be. The only thing that tarnished that calm semblance was the smell of tobacco around her.
"Thank you, Mrs. Barnes," responded Sophie with a gentle nod. She grinned, revealing yellow-stained teeth. And yet, the sight didn't disgust Sophie. Mrs. Barnes exuded such tender friendliness as she slowly let go of Sophie's hands that she wondered whether Asbel had exaggerated just to keep her on her toes.
Mrs. Barnes took a step back and scanned Sophie from top to bottom, lifting an eyebrow.
"Well, it's a comfort to see that not even a starving Underground girl can achieve a nice figure," she said, finalizing her sneer with a grin. "But I guess one cannot be pretty and smart at the same time."
Sophie's abdomen hurt as if someone had cleaned a blade before digging it into her flesh. A careful and patient stab, executed with a playful smile across her attacker's face.
Her entire stance trembled. Sophie opened her mouth to whisper some sort of retort, but she couldn't find a voice, only a shaky heartbeat. Her gaze switched to Asbel, who stood behind the pair with his arms crossed, attentive to her next move. Sophie couldn't read anything from him; the affection that he had shown earlier was completely gone. Instead, there was only the icy wall she could never break.
"Shall we?" suggested the woman, bending her neck towards the table.
Each of them sat on a different couch. Asbel rested in front of Sophie, with his mother between them, separated by the coffee table. Sophie observed her coarse reflection on the liquid of the teacup she was holding, still stunned by her previous interaction.
"So, I've heard that you are a self-taught engineer. Is that true?" asked the lady. Despite her soft tone, there was a command in it. Sophie turned to face Mrs. Barnes, gulping at her imposing presence. However, she had asked about her work: her pride and joy. No snob could discredit it.
"Yes," she gushed with a smile, leaving the cup back on the table. "And I've been recently promoted to Head Engineer of one of the teams in Civil."
Sophie delivered a quick look to Asbel, looking for his approval, but he quietly observed her.
"Impressive," responded Mrs. Barnes. She looked at Asbel and clicked her tongue, "We spent so much money on your education, and then this one comes and sweeps the success away from you. How disappointing."
Sophie opened her mouth and babbled, "No, that's not—"
"At least she can make sure that your disastrous arithmetic skills don't drive your father's company to bankruptcy," she sighed. "An Underground girl running the Barnes. What's next? The King turns into a Titan?"
"Wait—"
"A cigarette, Mother?" said Asbel, interrupting Sophie's attempt to defend him.
The lady made a gesture to her son to prepare the roll. He retrieved a package of tobacco and a matchbox from his jacket. Sophie observed the scene in silence, her gaze focused on Asbel. Even when she thought she had the upper hand with her work, that Devil woman had attacked him instead. Perhaps she couldn't win against Mrs. Barnes, but she didn't want to disappoint Asbel.
The lady took a puff from the cigarette and exhaled the smoke towards Sophie. Her eyes watered, but she tried to contain the cough building in her throat.
"Head Engineer, huh? And then? Chief?" she asked.
Sophie cleared her throat to explain, "No, first I need to become Supervisor and then a member of the Board."
Mrs. Barnes swayed her head and frowned. "That's such a long way to go," she lamented, chanting. "You won't be able to raise your children properly if you are too busy being Chief."
Sophie parted her lips and let her words escape with a breath. "Excuse me?"
Mrs. Barnes tapped the cigarette on the delicate cup, not bothering about ruining the tea or the ceramic.
"It's a very intelligent amusement for sure, but you will have to choose at some point," she smirked at Sophie, daringly.
Sophie clenched her hand around the fabric of her skirt, attempting to contain the anger building up in her body.
"No, I won't," she fumed.
"Yes, you will," she corrected. Her voice had turned from a chant to a demand. "You won't be Chief forever. They will eventually displace you just as you plan to displace whoever is Chief now. What will you do then? Who will you come back to?" Mrs. Barnes turned to face Asbel, who silently observed their confrontation with his hands over his knees. "Him?"
Sophie didn't hesitate to answer, "Yes."
"Good luck if he is still there after you spend day and night taking care of numbers instead of your husband."
"He will be there," Sophie retorted, gritting her teeth.
The lady clicked her tongue, "I wouldn't be so sure."
"He loves me."
Immediately, she felt as if every person and object in that room had turned into a tall, stone statue—observing her, judging her. Despite the silence, Mrs. Barnes's dominant gesture was enough for Sophie to feel a quiet, belittling laugh inside her head. She switched her attention to Asbel, hoping for some support, begging for help. But he had turned into another statue too far away for her to reach.
Sophie kept her gaze fixed on her fianceé, expecting a word from him to quiet those voices inside her head or a shutting action against his mother's sneer.
Nothing.
With a voice as sharp as a snap of fingers, Mrs. Barnes broke the suspense, and the room became alive again.
"Love?" said the lady. "Interesting."
Sophie's breathing became heavier the more she stared into Asbel's impassive blue eyes. He was the only one still petrified in that room. She felt her blood rush and her impulsiveness grow along with her anger. But instead of shooting her rage against him, she turned to the one daring to attack not only her love but also her work. In the end, she shared the same devotion for both.
"Yes. Love." Sophie seethed, "But what would someone like you know about that?"
She hadn't thought her words through. She had only spat what her body and heart told her to. Whatever was needed to protect the little empire of models and math built on top of her loss and grief. No one could ever take that away from her.
Mrs. Barnes didn't react to her provocation. Instead, she cleared her throat and adjusted her posture, preparing herself to respond with the elegance of a dancer and not the foul words of an Underground brute.
"Don't you think I know that he despises me?" she taunted. "And yet, here he is, still looking for my approval of this antic of a marriage. Everything he is and has is because of me." Despite her hurtful intentions, her voice was soft and gentle. That similar sensitivity was present in Ms. Barnes as she leaned towards Sophie and whispered, "Hate and resentment aside, everyone needs a family. A home. But what would someone like you know about that?"
Sophie stood up, instinctively clenching her fist. She began breathing through her mouth. Her heartbeat increased and her skin ignited. Asbel and his mother observed her sudden action with curiosity rather than fear.
"What the fuck?" she muttered.
Finally, Asbel broke his composure, extending his arm as a signal for her to sit down.
"Sophie…" he whispered, gently shaking his head.
"I thought you said she was smart," noted Mrs. Barnes, still staring at Sophie. "I guess that no makeup and jewelry can dress up a rat."
"I do know about family," she raged, still fixated on her previous insult. "Better than some entitled old witch who treats her son like nothing."
"Oh no, I never said he was nothing," chuckled Mrs. Barnes, unbothered. "I would say he is mediocre, at most. I can only hope to be dead before I see him ruining the work of generations because of his corrupt, greedy incompetence."
"You have no idea of what you are talking about."
"Well, I am his mother," she replied, asserting her position. "You are just a sad little puppy he picked up from the street to feel better about himself and throw a childish tantrum against his family."
Sophie felt her heart shrink. Her vision blurred for a moment, both from the dry cosmetics and the strike of Mrs. Barnes's careful slander.
"You are wrong," she fumed with a broken voice and teary eyes.
With a slow and calm motion, Mrs. Barnes sighed and dropped the cigarette into the tea, extinguishing its fume. She stood up and approached Sophie, making the difference in height and elegance between them even more evident. Despite her close and mighty presence, Sophie didn't flinch, but she wasn't sure if it was due to anger or fear.
"No, I'm not," she said, fixing her penetrating blue eyes on Sophie's. "But you, girl, you are twice a fool; first for believing that you are something more than a means to an end to him, and second for thinking that you can become a Chief without sacrificing something in return." Mrs. Barnes stretched her neck and concluded with a soft, chanting whisper, "I wonder what the price of your selfish delusions will be."
Sophie felt every bone inside her crack, turning her into a rag doll rather than the lady figurine she was supposed to be. Her first instinct was to knock her down and strike her until her anger disappeared. But she was no longer in the Underground, where she could only defend herself through violence. She had already damaged both her image and Asbel's, so she picked the cowardly, safe route instead.
She glided away from Mrs. Barnes, feeling both her and her son's gaze following her in silence. Without looking back, she exited the room, closing the door behind her with a bang.
Sophie sat at the edge of the bed, still with a tight throat and swollen eyes. She passed her fingers over the beautiful ornaments of the golden needle resting on her lap. Black smudges from rubbing her teary eyes covered the side of her hand. However, all the dedication she had given to her appearance that morning had disappeared.
She wasn't in Ehrmich. She should've gone there, given that she had afforded that manor thanks to her efforts and endless working nights. It was her place, her independent little haven, and not Asbel's or anyone else's. And yet, the mattress she was sitting on, crying, was his. Despite her sadness and willingness to be alone, she had decided to hide in the master bedroom, just a few steps away from the living room where everything had unfolded. Even if she did have somewhere else to go, she had chosen to stay. She knew Asbel would break off the engagement after that embarrassing act, and she wanted to face that fact as soon as possible.
Sophie threw her head back and took a deep breath. It was the dead of night, but even the moonlight was too shy to show its face, and she hadn't bothered to light up a candle. Instead, she drowned in the darkness.
It had been quite some time since the murmurs from the living room had stopped, and the loud creak of the main door hinted that the guest had already left. Shortly after, Sophie heard the footsteps on the staircase getting louder and closer. She closed her eyes, mentally calculating just how far away Asbel was, based on the sound of the wooden panels of the floor. Her heartbeat increased until it rumbled in her head with each step she heard. Then, they turned to silence. According to her estimation, he would be standing in front of the bedroom's entrance. Sophie closed her eyes and waited for the sound of the door opening and the confrontation that would follow.
Nothing happened.
A few moments later, she heard a creak. She instinctively stood up, but the bedroom's entrance remained closed. The sound had arrived from another room. Then, music began to play, echoing over the walls.
The soothing and muffled piano tones immediately relaxed Sophie, but at the same time, they scared her. Asbel only played when something had gone terribly wrong. She rubbed the skin under her eyes, trying to make herself somewhat presentable before heading to the music room with the golden needle in her hand.
The door had been left open, and Sophie lent on its frame as she observed the scene. The area was completely dark, illuminated only by a single candle resting on the piano's top board. Asbel moved his hands around, pressing the keys with the characteristic elegance and confidence he always portrayed. The flame flickered with his motion, and the sound from the piano enveloped the room. It was a sad but delicate piece of music.
He didn't directly acknowledge Sophie's presence, but he suddenly stopped the gentle melody to grab the pen next to the candle and annotate the sheets on the music rack. Sophie slowly approached him, but he didn't react.
"That's a new song," she noted with a whisper, trying to break the uncomfortable silence between them.
Instead of replying, Asbel slid to the side of the piano bench, making room for Sophie to sit next to him. She followed his gesture, and as she sat down, she observed the strange symbols and notes on the music sheets. She wondered whether that was the same ignorance he felt when he saw the math of her reports.
"You can't read music, can you?" he asked, staring at the sheets. Sophie turned to him and observed his profile. She tried to get a hint of his thoughts, but sheet music wasn't the only thing she couldn't read in that room.
"No, I can't," she admitted, defeated. Yet another mistake, another thing that prevented her from being a lady of Sheena, and therefore a Chief. She placed the golden needle on the piano's board, next to the candle. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
"Don't apologize," replied Asbel, decisively. "Just do better."
Sophie pushed herself back, perplexed.
"What?"
Asbel turned to her, "Are you really going to let that slander get under your skin?"
Sophie babbled, "Well, I—"
"It wasn't about you," he interrupted, imposing. "She didn't say those things to hurt you. She did it to hurt me, to see if I would break and confront her."
"What do you mean?"
Asbel sighed, "She doesn't give a damn about who I marry as long as it looks good in the picture. But she does care about how much I'm willing to sacrifice for the sake of a feeling." He grabbed the pen on the board and made another annotation on the sheets. "And she wanted to see how much you would be willing to sacrifice as well."
Sophie stared at the black and white keys, too overwhelmed by all the distress and embarrassment to think as clearly and logically as Asbel did.
"That's just cruel," she muttered.
Asbel slowly put the pen down and took a deep breath.
"It is, but trust and love are the most dangerous investments a businessman can make." He observed Sophie's detached expression as he explained, "This company has been built with the sweat, sacrifice, and the hard work of generations. My...incompetence already poses enough of a risk. She was only making sure that I wouldn't fail because of an outsider.."
Sophie shrank herself on the seat as she repeated with a whisper, "An outsider."
"Don't take it personally. Surname or not, you will be part of this legacy when you marry me." With a disheartened whisper, he corrected himself. "If you marry me."
Sophie finally turned to him. His eyes weren't cold and imposing anymore. Instead of a wall of ice hiding his feelings, they were a door to his insecurities. She had expected Asbel to break off with her, not to give her the option to leave.
"If?" she repeated.
"You said it: it's cruel. And if you don't see yourself capable of sustaining it, you are free to leave." His voice was strong and decisive, but something in his eyes told her that the words he said weren't the ones crossing his mind. "I won't resent you for it."
"How can you say that after everything we've been through?" said Sophie. The daggers kept digging into her body.
"Because you are not made for this, Sophie," he said with a broken voice. "You are the smartest person I've ever met, but you depend on others to help you too much. That's not how things work around here." Asbel placed his left hand on the piano keys and pressed them to create a low, muffled chord. "The people of Mitras are not trustworthy. I guess it must've been the same for you back in the Underground."
"In the…Underground?"
"I imagine you must've been very lonely after your dad died," he said, using his right hand to accompany the harmony of the left one. "You probably didn't have anyone else."
Sophie gulped, feeling the delicate tune resound inside her head as she remembered her time in the Underground. Lonely. She had been alone for a short time after her father had died. She had blindly trusted that gang. That trust had led to lively night conversations with Yan and playful dances with Farlan. And it had led her to Levi.
She had never felt alone by his side.
The memories from the day of her arrest came back to haunt her with Asbel's melody in the background. Even if she had tried to forget them, forget about him, his knife and teacup, and the tenderness of his grey eyes that night in the candlelight, she couldn't. Whether it was because of pain or nostalgia, she did not know.
"Yes, exactly," she muttered, observing Asbel's hands pressing the keys. "I was alone. I couldn't trust anyone down there."
Asbel stopped playing and turned to her.
"I understand why you thought it would be different here. That you could trust people just because they wouldn't stab you with a knife." He leaned forward and whispered, "But aristocrats don't need a knife to hurt you, Sophie. You've seen it." He closed his eyes and added, "And I've lived it for years."
Sophie looked down and gulped. Perhaps he was right, and she would never fit in that cruel, intelligent, and calculating world. Maybe she had only been lucky so far, and her place was back in Armory's basement.
"Do you want me to leave?" she asked, staring at the symbols on the music sheet and feeling her eyes water.
"No," he answered without hesitation. "You are the only one who understands me. You know what it's like to work hard on your own, carrying your family's legacy on your back." Sophie slowly turned to him as he continued, "I want to prove that they are wrong, that I can make this company prosper more than ever before, no matter the cost. But I'm tired of being alone." Asbel bent over to approach her, softening his gaze. "I need you, and I want you to stay, but I don't know if you are ready for what it entails."
"And what is that?"
Asbel took a deep breath. "The more powerful you get, the more people will be out there to get you. They will find your weaknesses to make them their strengths. They will note down your mistakes so they can correct them. You will need a mind as sharp as a knife and a skin as thick as the Walls to become Chief." He sighed, "It's hard, it's lonely, and it's painful. But you will have everything you want in return."
Sophie placed her hand over the piano, caressing the outline of the keys and gently pressing them, even if she didn't know what sound they would make in return. Asbel silently observed her motion as she mulled over his words.
"I want to be Chief," she finally said, facing him. "I know I can do it. I know I am better than those who look down on me. I don't care how long I have to work or what I have to give up." Sophie placed her hand on top of Asbel's, still resting over the keys. "And I want you. You are the only person who told me that I could help the people inside the Walls. You are the one who believed in me."
"Sophie…" he whispered.
"I'll stay."
The scene reminisced her Underground days. The flame of the candle gently brushed her cheek with a similar warmth as the one on her hand. She stared into Asbel's blue eyes, finally letting her see everything he wished he could've said back at the living room but didn't. Their fingers intertwined over the keyboard, with their breaths being the only melody accompanying them. She was once again in a dark room, lost in some alluring eyes as the candlelight and the touch of their hands connected them.
She closed her eyes and leaned forward to do what she wished she would've done that night. Her biggest regret once she had been captured. The choice she should've made instead of those gears. Sophie should've risked that safety for him, despite all the pain that had brought her.
Sophie parted her mouth and exhaled a small breath, slowly brushing her lips against his. He placed his free hand behind her head, passing his fingers through the strands.
She kissed him.
But, somehow, it didn't feel the same way she thought it would've, if she had chosen differently that night.
Make a choice.
The rain splattered over the window where Sophie laid her head. With her fingers, she traced the trails left by the raindrops over the crystal before the wind took them away. Despite the darkness around her, it was a calming scene, interrupted only by the sudden lightning and thunder from the storm, illuminating and resounding over the cloudy sky.
Sophie rested on the window ledge of her kitchen, with her legs against her chest. She pulled the grey knee socks up and adjusted the length of her white nightdress, covering the large, white scar along her outer right thigh. At least the nights in Yormgen weren't as cold as in Ehrmich.
She kept circling back through her memories to find some sort of clue on what her choice should be. Mrs. Barnes's speech had been a hurtful, true hint of her fate. And Asbel had turned it from a word of advice from the person that knew him best to some slander, diminishing him. He had pulled that strategy with everyone around him. A wise but evil mother. A smart but troubled wife. From cigarettes to alcohol, he had everyone under control. He had been a brilliant businessman, but despite his training and advice to turn her into the ruthless Chief he expected her to be, he hadn't anticipated the high cost of his investment. Whether that investment of trust and love had been real at some point, Sophie didn't know. Or perhaps, she didn't want to know.
Her marriage had turned from a cage, trapping her behind the golden bars of success, to a seven-year-old lesson to learn. It was inevitable for Sophie to wonder what would've happened if she had chosen differently, at the engagement or the piano.
That single choice had turned her from a bright, resilient Underground kid to a powerful but broken woman. The Sophie that Asbel and everyone else had come to love, and the one Levi asked to come back, was that obedient and docile girl that ruled her division with the rigor of a queen. They all adored the woman that didn't allow a single mistake or delay in her office and not the wretched, lonely mess that came home every night, clinging to bottles of wine and a stranger's arm. No one wanted to hear about that side of her, so she hid it just as she hid the alcohol and the affairs. Besides Asbel's operations, that had been the sacrifice she had made for the sake of her position and the prosperity of Engineering, and she had no strength or will to do it again. Not for her, not for Levi, and not for Paradis.
That farm and those kids were her first taste of freedom. Up until her exile, she had always gotten everything she wanted, but never what she needed. Finally, she was doing what she had always set out to do: use her skills to help people, but no longer with lies and corrupt methods.
But whose lives were more worth improving? The ones of the kids she was lying to, or the ones from Paradis?
A sudden, soft mumble interrupted her thoughts. Sophie turned her head towards the figure across the large table, sitting on a chair with his arms crossed. She had offered him to sleep inside the windmill. Instead, he had grabbed a chair to rest on, still wearing his corporate clothes. Humanity's most stubborn fucking soldier.
Despite the darkness, she distinguished Levi swaying his head with short but sudden motions as he muttered words that Sophie could not understand. Her first instinct was to grab a blanket to place it over his shoulders, just as he had done that night, and embrace him. But she didn't.
Instead, she observed his quiet suffering in silence, wondering where he got all that strength to keep fighting, even if there was nothing else worth fighting for. Perhaps it was the same desperate strength that had pushed her to do a better job, so she had some purpose and appreciation in her life. He had fallen in the same pit she had struggled so much to get out of.
Levi opened his eyes with a gasp, and Sophie quickly turned her head towards the window to conceal her indiscreet observation. However, she couldn't bring herself to ignore him.
She stepped down from the ledge and slowly approached him.
"Sorry, did I wake you?" she whispered.
"No, it's fine," he replied, rubbing his forehead. "Why aren't you asleep?"
"I suppose I have a lot to think about."
"And?"
Sophie shrugged. Levi sighed in response.
"Was it a nightmare?" she asked. Levi looked away instead of replying. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No."
She knew that he wouldn't give her an explanation, and the darkness didn't help in deciphering his expression.
Sophie walked towards one of the cupboards to retrieve a candle and a set of matches.
"Can I ask you something?" she asked, rubbing the stick against the side of the box before passing its flame onto the candle.
"I guess."
Sophie placed the lit-up torch on the center of the table, with a plate underneath to contain the melted wax.
"You trusted Erwin with that letter. And after everything that happened, you trusted me. Even now, you still trust that I can help Paradis." With a whisper, she added, "You make it seem so easy."
"That's not a question," he replied. Sophie rolled her eyes.
She leaned her back on the edge of the table, using her hands as support as she observed Levi over her shoulder, still on that chair.
"How?" she asked. "How can you trust so blindly?"
"It's not blindly," he corrected with a sigh. "I don't trust everyone, but whenever someone is worthy of my trust, it's unconditional."
"How romantic."
"Well, that's just how the Corps is. I wouldn't be a successful Captain without trusting my comrades to the very end." Sophie couldn't help but smirk. Levi frowned and asked, "What's so funny?"
"Nothing, it's just…" She paused, trying to erase that annoying smile from her expression. "It was the complete opposite for me. Everything was more…individualistic in the inner walls." She crossed her arms and sighed, "The less you trusted people, the fewer chances you would have of being played. And not even that was a guarantee." With a whisper, she added, "I don't want to go back to that."
"You don't have to."
"Come on," she scoffed. "They don't want me back. They want the cold, strict Chief that was born from that skepticism." Sophie closed her eyes and confessed, "But I don't want to be her anymore."
Levi stood up and placed himself right next to Sophie, their shoulders lightly touching. He bent his neck to look at her, and his closeness instinctively forced Sophie to open her eyes and stare at him. The candlelight illuminated half of his face, while the other half remained in the dark. But on both sides, his eyes shone like stars.
"Those kids weren't impressed by me. They praised the brutal, fearless Captain that doesn't hesitate to kill." His gaze switched to the floor as he whispered, "I don't want to be him either."
Sophie snorted, "That's what I don't get. How can you live like that? Taking on such a cruel role for so long without breaking?"
Levi continued to look down in silence. Sophie observed him, wondering what kind of memories and thoughts ran through his mind.
"Because I'd rather be me."
"Huh?"
He finally turned to Sophie, decisively but still with a hint of pain.
"I'd rather be the one taking on that role of a killer than seeing kids like Alex doing so. I'd rather go into the battlefield a hundred times than see just one more person dying."
Sophie paused for a moment, taking in his words. That burden to carry had been his sacrifice to become Humanity's strongest soldier, and two years after he had completed his mission, his duty still weighed him down. She wondered how long it would be until it crumbled over him—if it hadn't already.
Looking away, she whispered, "You must think that I'm some selfish snob then."
"No," he replied. "Because I'd rather see you happy."
Sophie turned towards him, numbed by his words. She had almost forgotten what she had always found so attractive in that basement boy, besides his freaky habits and distant presence. He had never been as vocal and brute as her, but despite having nothing, he always found something to protect.
Staring at him so many years later, she felt like that mesmerized basement girl again. Protected.
Levi cleared his throat, breaking the silence between them as they stared into each other. Sophie parted her lips to say something, but he quickly turned around and headed towards the door.
"Where are you going?" she asked, confused.
Levi stood in front of the entrance without opening it but without facing Sophie either.
"For a walk."
"It's pouring outside!"
"Doesn't matter."
Levi placed his hand over the handle. Sophie stomped towards him and grabbed him by the wrist. She hadn't thought the gesture through, just another wave of impulsiveness. She felt Levi startling with her action, but still not enough to face her.
"Wait," she whispered without letting go of her grip. "How long are we going to keep doing this?"
Levi slowly bent his neck to observe her. "Do what?"
"Act as if nothing had ever happened." She gulped at the close sight of his eyes as she clarified, "Between us."
"You tell me."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Levi turned around. Sophie eased her grip, but not enough to let him go. She didn't want him to go.
"I've lost countless people, Sophie. But never the same person over and over again," he said. "You have to make a choice, and I don't want to influence it."
She slowly slipped her fingers away from his wrist, appalled by his words. Levi let out a small breath in response to the withdrawal of her touch.
"Seriously?" she scoffed. "You break into my farm, bedazzle my kids, scare my chicken, and then you want me to be impartial?" She lifted her chin and added, "The moment you set foot in this forest, you tainted my choice. The least you could do, Captain, is to be honest about it."
"I've been honest with you ever since I arrived," he replied.
"No, you've been hiding," she countered. "That's just one step away from lying."
Levi clenched his jaw and got closer to her. Sophie lightly gasped in response.
"Back at the office, when you wanted to know whether I was using you, taking advantage of your vulnerability." He scanned her face and whispered, "What if I had done what you asked? What if I had kissed you?"
Sophie gulped, feeling her chest tightening with his words.
"I thought they were going to hang me," she confessed with a cracked voice. "Yes, that would've been desperate and fake, but I wouldn't have resented you for it." Seeing him so close, just like at the office, forced her honesty. "If that kiss had been the last memory of you that I would've had in this world, I wouldn't have cared about the reasons behind it."
She lightly breathed through her mouth as she switched her gaze back and forth between his eyes and lips.
She waited.
Keeping his closeness, he replied, "I don't want any more desperate acts." The air coming from his lips brushed hers. "As I said, I'm here to be honest with you."
"Then why is it you asking me to come back?" she said, repeating her question from the afternoon. "Why not Zachary or Hange?"
He paused for a moment, making Sophie fear his response.
"Because I've missed you," he confessed. "But, most of all, because I needed to know that you were happy. Chief or teacher, here or there. I don't care. I want you to be happy, whatever that means to you."
He hadn't directly asked her if she was happy, but she figured out why. He knew the answer.
"I want you to be happy too," she mumbled, closing her eyes to feel his presence without the commandment of his gaze, forcing her to choose. "I'll make you a counter-offer."
"Hm?"
She opened her eyes and placed her hands over Levi's cheeks, cupping his face. Her cold skin contrasted with the warmth of his, but he didn't seem bothered by it. For the first time since he had arrived, Sophie saw him letting his guard down.
"Stay," she whispered. "You'll open your tea shop. I'll keep teaching. The kids will love you. You won't have to fight anymore." She paused to observe his expression, composed but softer than before. "There are no gears, no Titans, and no wars here. You can finally sleep soundly every night. And if Zachary or anyone else dares to come to drag you back into that hell, I'll grab the shotgun under the sink and lead them away."
Levi frowned. "You have a shotgun under the sink?"
"There are big raccoons around here," she chuckled, and Levi smirked. With a whisper, she repeated, "Stay."
Sophie observed him, wondering how she could break that wall of duty around him and bring the basement boy back. Levi placed his hands over hers, fitting his fingers in the spaces in between. Her heartbeat increased, and she could feel her eyes widening with his gesture. Perhaps she had finally got him back, and they could live in that forest forever without anyone else's inputs.
Her mind already pictured everything: a tea shop in town, an actual school instead of that old hut, Dan getting into college, and maybe Fred too. No more lies, and no more sleepless nights. A quiet, peaceful, and well-deserved rest of their lives. Together.
Levi slid his hands down to her wrists and wrapped his fingers around them. Slowly, he moved her hands away from his face.
"I can't," he said, looking down.
All her fantasies disappeared as if the flame from the candle had suddenly extinguished, leaving only a trail of smoke fading into the air. Futile, and then intangible.
"Why not?" she asked with a broken heart and voice.
Levi didn't let go of her hands, but she was too hurt to notice that gesture, connecting them despite his words.
"I promised." He gulped and clarified, "I promised him."
Sophie took a step back, her hands slipping away from his. Levi didn't stop her. Instead, he observed her with eyes that screamed all kinds of apologies. But if he wasn't ready to risk it all for her, then why should she?
A promise. She had also dealt with that same burden, and they both had given their word to the same person. He had accepted her silence when she couldn't tell him about the truth behind it, and most of all, he had trusted her.
"What's in it for me?" she asked in a heartbeat. "If I go back to being that infallible Chief, what's in it for me?"
"Is the survival of the island not enough for you?" Despite her selfish request, his voice didn't portray anger, just disappointment.
"I told you, I'm done being the Military's good girl, following orders without question in the name of a greater good." She lifted her arms and swayed them around, articulating as she mocked Asbel's voice. "Sign this, Sophie. The poor people of Wall Rose need a chapel to pray. Oh Sophie, send your blueprints to my company. The Corps needs those weapons soon, right? I'll make sure that they are ready for the mission. What's the matter, Sophie? Why are you crying? Don't you see all the work you have to do? Think of the people from Trost, Sophie! They've lost everything, so you need to tell me what happened with those Titans. Look at you, so good and hardworking." She didn't notice her eyes watering until she added, "I'm doing this for you, Sophie. Because I love you so much, Sophie."
Her chest rhythmically rose and fell with her agitated breathing. The familiar knot in her throat returned, along with the desire to reach for a drink to drown the memories and feelings.
Levi observed her resentment for a moment before intervening.
"It's not like that anymore," he assured her.
"How would you know?" she replied, gritting her teeth. "Just because you've been on the right side of history so far doesn't mean that you'll always be. I thought I was helping people, and look at me now."
Her frustration was not only because of Levi's rejection. Despite his search for her engravings, his forbidden visits to her cell, and his unconditional support, Sophie couldn't trust his words anymore. Back then, trust had been an easy bet because she had nothing to lose, but that was no longer the case. She almost felt Asbel's grin of satisfaction next to her, congratulating Sophie for her thick skin. For not depending on anyone else but him. Or his memory, for that matter.
"I promise," he said, interrupting her thoughts. "I promise that you won't have to be alone this time, that there won't be any more lies. You will be doing something good, not only for those kids but also for everyone in Paradis." He approached her and placed his hands over her shoulders. "I don't know a damn thing about being Chief, but I promise that whatever it is that you need, I will be by your side."
Sophie observed his face, trembling as she looked for the truth behind his eyes. He had rejected her offer of peace and tranquility for a promise, but he was willing to make her a vow of the same caliber for her safety. It was a pledge instead of a demand like the ones from that night at the piano.
"Is that a promise you can keep?" she asked.
"Yes."
She knew he wouldn't resent her for staying, but she would never forgive herself for letting him go, risking his life while she enjoyed the peace that he deserved. He continued to fight for Paradis, being that ruthless Captain who couldn't sleep at night. Meanwhile, she hid her talent and lied to Dan, in fear. Always hiding, always lying, never trusting. She claimed that she didn't want to go back to that life, but perhaps she was already living in a distorted, apparent tranquil version of it. The bottles under her bed were enough proof.
If she had asked him to love again, perhaps it was her turn to trust again.
In the ambiance of the rain and candlelight, she stared into his grey eyes. Not the eyes from the brutal Captain but the ones from the basement boy, willing to protect her.
"Okay," she muttered. "I'll go with you."
Levi breathed out, and she saw his military stance fading away. He slowly moved his hands to the sides of her shoulders.
"Is that your choice?"
Sophie gulped, "Yes."
Levi clenched his fingers around the fabric of her sleeve and swayed Sophie towards him. She startled, opening her mouth with a slight gasp that was shut as he pressed his lips against hers. Despite her initial surprise, she closed her eyes, letting the feeling of his kiss invade her. It was the same one she had dreamt of, the one she had always waited for. She didn't want or need anything else. Just a single kiss, frozen in time.
She had only seen such an impulsive, physical act from him during their seemingly final goodbye. She was too stunned to reciprocate, but before she could do so, Levi suddenly moved away. His hands remained over her shoulders, but he eased the grip.
"Sorry," he whispered. "That was out of line."
"No, I—"
"I shouldn't have," he interrupted, looking down with a trembling breath. "I wasn't supposed to—"
Before he could finish his sentence, Sophie grabbed the collar of his corporate shirt and pulled him towards her to give him the same short, sudden, and passionate kiss he had given her. Unlike him, she broke it off by slowly detaching her lips as she stared into his eyes.
"There you go," she said with heavy breathing. "Now we are even." Sophie placed a hand over his cheek, caressing it with her thumb. Levi softly closed his eyes, panting.
"Sophie…"
She bent her neck and whispered in his ear, "Do you still want to sleep on that chair?"
After a few agitated breaths, he gulped and replied, still with his eyes closed.
"Yes."
"Fair enough," she smirked, gently moving away. "See you tomorrow, Captain."
Author's Notes
Oopsie, 10k words.
The piece that Asbel plays is Engagement Party from Justin Hurwitz
I like to think that these characters somewhat represent the languages of love. Asbel is gifts, Sophie is touch and words of affirmation, and Levi is quality time and acts of service.
Anyway, thanks for reading! I hope you liked it. I think this chapter gives a lot of insight into why Sophie is the way she is, from a gullible Underground girl to a perfectionist that didn't trust anyone unless it benefited her. Both Levi and Sophie followed similar routes (being the greatest, following someone else's conviction) but in very different environments. The Corps is selfless, willing to sacrifice everything and everyone for the future of Humanity, whereas Mitras's aristocrats rely only on themselves and, at most, (as Mrs. Barnes points out) in family, so they won't get backstabbed. In both cases, it's all very lonely, but that's the price of success.
Now Levi has a BIG promise with Sophie. Let's see if he can keep it.