What the fuck did I do?
The question pounded inside Levi's head as he placed four slices of bread over the heated pan. He observed the flicker of the flame coming from the stove as the smell of toast began to invade the room. He turned around, leaning his back against the kitchen counter. The morning sunlight and the chirping sounds coming through the open window had substituted the clouds and rain from the previous night. Apart from the morning dew, there was no trace of the thunderstorm, and yet, Levi found himself recalling every single moment from it.
He fixed his gaze on the window ledge. He couldn't even remember what kind of nightmare had caused him to wake up so abruptly, but he did remember the instant feeling of calmness once he saw her there, and not the usual empty room back in Trost.
Even though he had fulfilled his mission, and she had made a choice, satisfaction was not on his mind. His thoughts were a turmoil of emotions, but remorse steadily became the dominant one as he asked himself again: What the fuck did I do?
He'd repressed his feelings in vain if his mere presence was enough to taint Sophie's choice, as she claimed. That had always been a possibility, but he had never expected his influence to remain so strong after two years. He also hadn't expected to have such a hard time concealing his feelings. And ultimately, he was unable to.
From her desperate protection of Engineering to the lies and schemes she had faced, he had felt her loneliness and pain as if it were his own. Once she had voiced her choice, all words of support and apologies had disappeared, leaving room for one simple act that could say everything that he wanted to, and much more. One impulsive but honest step. Her response was the only ease of guilt from his unwarned push.
Before the question could repeat itself, he turned around and removed the bread from the pan. He arranged the slices into two dishes, accompanying them with some vegetables. Despite his exhaustive search around the kitchen, there was barely any decent food inside the cupboards, and not even a single box of tea. Perhaps those calculations and models of hers didn't pay as well in Yormgen as they used to back in Stohess. What there was, indeed, was a shotgun under the sink.
He grabbed the plates and headed towards the large table, only to find the damn chicken sitting on it, next to the extinguished candle.
"Get out," commanded Levi, placing the food on the board. "This is not for you."
The animal didn't make a sound. Instead, it kept staring at Levi, a sight that almost made him uncomfortable. He sighed and approached the chicken, muttering some curses on the way. In response, the chicken clucked, swinging its wings, and leaving some feathers on the table as it glided towards the floor. Before Levi could grab it and kick it out himself, the chicken ran into the classroom.
"Piece of shit…" he muttered, removing the feathers from the board. Once the table was clear again, he looked at the open window. If they left now, they could reach Stohess by sundown.
Levi stared at Sophie's bedroom door. After she had left, he had found himself standing in front of it multiple times during that sleepless night, but looking for a different kind of intimacy than the one she had offered.
Unlike his previous attempts, he knocked. The soft mumble coming from inside was enough permission for him to enter the room.
The same soothing sunlight from the kitchen surrounded the bedroom. The bottles, previously scattered over the floor, had been carefully arranged on the workspace, one after the other. He was glad to see that the content of the half-filled one was still intact after that night.
The crumpled bed sheets moved as Sophie sat up, yawning and revealing a well-rested face and messy hair.
"Good morning," she groaned, rubbing her eyes.
"Morning." Levi approached her and sat on the edge of the bed. There was no way two people could fit on it. Sophie moved the sheets wrapping her body, allowing Levi to get a better view of her nightdress than in the candlelight: washed-out white, short sleeves, and a length reaching her knees, from where large socks took over to cover her legs. Excessive cleavage.
"So, how was the chair?" she taunted with a smile.
"Sturdy," he replied, redirecting his indiscreet gaze to her content expression.
"You know, I could've set up some blankets in the windmill."
"I know," replied Levi. The windmill did seem like a more comfortable option than the chair, but too far away from her.
Sophie wrinkled her nose, sniffling. "Did you…make breakfast?"
"Yes."
"Oh, you are spoiling me," she chuckled, lifting her arms to stretch them. "No one has cooked me breakfast in two years."
Levi didn't respond to her insinuation. Instead, he adjusted his posture, making the bed frame creak in response. Sophie stared at him while he tried to find the right words.
"So, about last night…" He gulped, and Sophie raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry."
"What for?"
Levi cleared his throat, "It was inappropriate."
"Why would it be inappropriate?"
He shouldn't have been surprised at the ability of an engineer to crank up the gears of his apology, but her conduction didn't ease his anxiety.
"Your choice. I—" He paused and took a deep breath, rephrasing his intent. She had already made a choice, and he wasn't one to question it, no matter the circumstances surrounding it. "What you said, about being the Military's good girl and the Queen Bee of Engineering. Always on your own."
"What about it?"
"I wish I had been there for you."
Levi observed how Sophie's expression changed from her initial morning bliss to dismay. The feeling of shame crawled inside him as he remembered all the letters he hadn't sent, his silly attempt to protect her.
"Don't worry. I was already married when Erwin recruited you," she whispered.
"Do not lie to me," he warned. Sophie pushed herself back, and Levi observed her face become paler. "Your wedding date was on that church model at your manor. It was well after I arrived."
"Sorry," she muttered, avoiding eye contact. "I just don't want you to feel responsible."
At least he was still able to call her bluff, but he wondered how many people had fallen for her lies, besides Dan and Hange. How many hoaxes had she staged to prevent conflict? Had Asbel taught her that?
"Lying to people is not the way to protect them, Sophie."
"I know," she argued with impatience. "But you already carry too many lives on your shoulders."
Levi sighed. He wished she hadn't learned those wicked methods in the name of protection, but he wasn't one to regret his choices and their outcomes. He could only make sure that he wouldn't make the same mistake twice, so he attempted to correct his crude tone and words.
"I want to be there for you this time." He gently shook his head and scoffed, "That's what I meant to say last night. Not fucking kiss you."
Sophie turned to him, scanning his face with parted lips.
"So…you didn't want to kiss me?"
"No," he babbled. "I mean, yes." The question from the morning returned to haunt him with a different tense: What the fuck am I doing? "But I should've talked to you instead of grabbing you like that."
Sophie snorted, "It's okay, seriously. I also pinned you against a wall instead of—you know—talking. People do that from time to time." Levi saw a slight smirk forming on her face as she spoke. He almost felt the urge to smirk as well. Sophie leaned forward to approach him, placing her hands on the mattress for support. "Why are you so afraid of letting yourself go?"
The question hit Levi like a punch, straight to the core of his pain. He staggered for a moment, but the sight of Sophie's wide, dark eyes allowed him to breathe again.
"I don't want to take the wrong step."
"Why would you?"
"I don't know."
He had taken too many wrong steps, and too many lives had been lost because of it. Hers was the only one that had survived his curse.
Sophie placed a hand over his cheek with care. "It's okay. I'm here now, remember? No secret husband, no complot, no alcohol." She smiled, "Just you and me."
Levi worried about the chicken for a moment, but the idea faded the more he stared at her. The disheveled strands of hair reflected the incoming sunlight, contouring her head with a copper-colored aura. He counted the freckles crossing the bridge of her nose, memorizing them in case they disappeared once she returned to the dark, closeted offices of Stohess.
"Your counter-offer," he whispered.
"Hm? What about it?" Sophie moved her hand away from his cheek to arrange the hair over his forehead, combing it with her fingers.
"Just because I can't accept it, it doesn't mean that I don't want to," said Levi. "I figured you should know that."
Sophie chuckled, and he got a glimpse of the dimple on her cheek, accompanied by the sound of her quiet laugh. In one second, he forgot about all the doubts that had assaulted him during the night.
"Well, if you ever change your mind…" She paused and stood up before concluding with a smile, "Let me know, and I'll get the shotgun ready."
"Wait." Before she could move away from him, Levi grabbed her wrist. Carefully, but with enough force to make a statement.
As he recalled every condition from her counteroffer, the ambiance of that old hut triggered something in him. Instead of a summer night's dream, he found himself seeing all those faint ideas taking a tangible, vivid form in front of him.
The gentle morning light, flooding the rooms with an unprecedented sense of calmness. The smell of freshly made breakfast, merging with the humid whiff from a storm that was now gone. The sight of Sophie, waking up in that nightdress with disarranged hair, sitting next to him with her hand over his cheek. A tea shop and a school. No more gears or haunting dreams.
He couldn't accept her offer, but perhaps he could allow himself to feel the peace and freedom present in that isolated haven before returning to the Military, back to wearing that green cape and all the weight it carried. He had fulfilled the purpose of his visit. He had her choice. Why not, for once, shed all the layers of duty and responsibility? Why not forget about the promise for just one morning, so he could remember what he was fighting for?
What if he let himself go?
"Come," he whispered, guiding her back to the edge of the bed. Sophie followed him with curious eyes, a sight that became more prominent once she sat next to him. His skin bristled with her closeness, accompanied by that scent of hay and green grass he had noticed on her since his arrival. He slowly eased the grip on her wrist. The turmoil of emotions in his head disappeared, along with the repetitive question from the morning.
Levi tucked the strands of hair framing her face behind her ears and whispered, "Am I taking the wrong step here?"
Sophie slowly shook her head, and Levi could almost distinguish her pupils dilating. He dampened his lips and moved his right hand to the nape of her neck, short strands brushing his skin. She sighed in response. Levi closed his eyes as he leaned forward to kiss her, without pulling, without demanding, or hiding his feelings. Just a soft feeling of warmth, no concealed meaning besides the one he wanted it to have. A fleeting sense of doubt assaulted him, and his curated instinct instructed him to separate his lips from hers. But instead of following such a militant command, he focused on every aspect of her offer again. Just you and me.
Sun, breakfast, green grass. Chalk on hands instead of blood. Chickens and raccoons instead of Titans. Kids laughing instead of harrowing screams from soldiers. He wanted just a temporary taste of that life, just as he craved the taste of her lips.
He let himself go.
He kissed her with unmatched passion, not even a fraction of what he had shown before she had gotten in that ugly old carriage. With every push of his lips against hers, he envisioned the sight of Sophie resting on that chair. A grasp of something he never had. Home.
And yet, he could sense how Sophie was still in control. Levi, for once, didn't feel the need to prove anything. The way his lips covered hers wasn't supposed to portray any power or strength. He had his blades for that. His gentle touch was a matter of sensibility rather than control. With every kiss, the restraint that wrapped his feelings and actions, like the harnesses around his body, became looser.
He broke their embrace for just one second to evaluate Sophie's expression. Cheeks colored red under the faint freckles. Agitated breathing. Pleading eyes. His steps were leading him to the right track.
Levi used the hand behind her head to bend her neck, gently. From her jawline down to her collarbones, he kissed her skin, just as the sun had during those years. The way he wished he had kissed her when she was a lonesome puppet, trapped in an office in Stohess, or a reckless girl, tightening screws in a basement.
His affection elicited small gasps from her and a growing feeling of liberation on him. She wrapped her arms around his torso, fingers sinking in his hair. He kept his careful touch, going from one side of her neck to the other, drifting up to meet her mouth again. His heart raced almost as much as in battle, but without fear and anxiety driving it.
But she wouldn't let herself be at his mercy with such ease. Sophie was always one step ahead of him, and she never hesitated to prove it.
Once his lips returned to hers, Sophie placed her hands over his shoulders and moved her legs to sit on his lap, knees bent at each side of his body. The sudden, bold action startled Levi at first, enough to prevent him from going back to kiss her. But she didn't do it either. Instead, she stared at him, calculating, analyzing — understanding him. He got lost in her features; comparing the pale, unhappy lady he knew with the bright, resilient woman in front of him.
For the first time in ages, he wasn't thinking about blood and duty. That morning, he was only relishing the freedom that the Corps fought for, no matter how temporal or fragile of a sentiment. Just like at the dinner, he reconnected with the soul of that basement boy instead of the distant Captain. There was no alcohol involved this time, but what he had in front was far more intoxicating.
His short breaths mixed with hers, slowly drying the moisture around his lips. He felt the heat increase around his thighs, blood rushing through his body. And yet, neither of them took the next step.
Sophie moved her hands away from his shoulders to cup his face. Instinctively, Levi placed his over her waist, feeling her soft flesh under the thin fabric. His skin bristled with her touch and closeness, but it wasn't the same instinctive, physical reaction from the adrenaline of a battle. It was the one of desire.
She leaned forward to kiss him again. Slowly, delicately. Levi grabbed the side of her thighs with enough force to feel his fingers sinking on them. Little by little, he slipped his touch under the nightdress, but he sensed a different type of skin on her right thigh, trailing up to her hip. A familiar, coarse roughness. Using his index finger, he caressed the outline of that mark. A scar. Long, thin, but deep. He separated his lips from hers with ease to evaluate every change in her expression without startling her.
Sophie's eyes flickered as he fixed his gaze on her, finger still over the scar. She gulped, probably waiting for his question. But before he could phrase it, she broke their connecting silence in an instant.
"I know," she said, closing her eyes.
"How old?"
"Fifteen years."
Levi blinked several times, perplexed. "I never saw it."
Sophie opened her eyes and swayed her head. "Well, it's not like I wore very revealing clothing back in the Underground. Nor were we ever in such a… compromising position."
"Right," said Levi before gulping.
"Sorry," muttered Sophie, moving away from his lap. She sat on the edge of the bed before crossing her legs. Despite how the length of her nightdress hid most of the scar, Levi still managed to get a hint of it, almost reaching her knee. "I just…yeah."
"It's just a scar. I don't mind." Seeing how she was still staring at the floor, avoiding eye contact with him, made him realize, "But it's not about the scar itself, is it?"
Sophie took a deep breath before replying, "No."
Feeling her slipping away from him again, Levi approached Sophie to phrase the question she had asked him when he was too afraid to explain.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
She kept staring at the floor. Levi waited until she broke her silence.
"It's nothing heroic or tragic, really," she scoffed. "I didn't get it by saving a kitten. Or fighting one."
"Yeah, it would have to be a very big kitten for such a scar," noted Levi, trying to dissipate the tension around them, but he quickly realized how inappropriate it was to point out the scar's size.
Nevertheless, she smirked. "Well, whenever I wore short pants, I told the kids that I got it after fighting a raccoon." Sophie finally turned to him with a more confident expression. "It was a bit before my dad… died. He asked me to get some parts. Uhm, you know, steal some parts for the gear," she clarified. "So I did, but the guy from the shop chased me all over the Underground. I tripped, we got into a fight, and I stabbed him with my needle. I tried to escape, but he grabbed my ankle, pulled out a knife, and… swoosh."
She tried to articulate the movement with a smile, but Levi could distinguish the pain in her eyes. Although, he couldn't understand why.
"I get it. I have some scars from similar fights."
Sophie shook her head, "It's not… that." After a brief pause, she continued, "I remember how I kept working despite the pain, how I stitched myself, while my dad continued to fix those mechanisms. Sometimes I forget that I used to be that girl."
"Forget? Why?"
Sophie gulped. Her uncomfortable expression was more than evident to Levi, but there was a resolution in her gaze. And something else. Trust.
"That man… he was the first person I ever killed," she confessed. "I killed someone for those parts. And ten years later, I had hundreds of those same parts in my office in Stohess. And hundreds of people died because of it." Her eyes scanned Levi's face, probably waiting for him to feel disgusted by her actions. But he couldn't. "The scar… is like some sort of reminder that I can't escape that. I can't escape what I've become. What I've sacrificed to get here." Looking down again, she whispered, "It all keeps haunting me."
Levi observed her. Haunted. She probably wasn't aware of how familiar he was with the meaning behind that word. He did remember the first person he had killed, but he could barely recall the faces of all the people that came afterward. All for the sake of his survival, and Humanity's freedom, presumably.
There was no point in denying her actions, just as he didn't deny his. But something else besides her guilt caught his attention.
"You said that you stitched yourself?" he recalled. Sophie nodded in response. "Your dad didn't… help you?"
She scoffed, waving her hand as she ridiculed his words, "What? No. I mean, he was working to get us out of the Underground, right? I didn't want to burden him."
Levi couldn't understand the playful smile on her face, and even less how she had brushed over that fact about her father, reducing it as a funny anecdote. A man so focused on his work that he had sent his daughter to fight for metal junk, only to ignore her bleeding leg. The Underground was such an atrocious place that not even having a family could guarantee one's well-being. The need for survival was always stronger than any other bond.
Sophie's expression changed to a more disheartened one, which she tried to conceal with a nervous chuckle.
"Sorry, that was a real mood-killer." A smirk appeared on her face as she looked down: a silent lie.
"It's fine," he assured her, but Sophie kept her gaze away from his. "Hey, look at me." Levi grabbed her chin and turned her head towards him. With a whisper, he repeated, "It's fine."
He moved his fingers to caress her cheek. No tea shop or tranquil hut could bring him more sense of peace than Sophie's comfort. Her eyes fluttered nervously as he leaned forward, but not with a kiss in mind.
Levi wrapped his arms around her body, placing her hand behind her neck as he invited her to rest her head over the crook of his neck. She silently followed.
They remained embraced for what seemed like both an eternity and an instant, the incoming sunlight enveloping them. Levi's shaky heartbeat became steadier as he felt her breath over his skin, his fingers intertwined with her hair. That intimate calm was no different than kissing her.
"Dude, stop lying." A distant voice interrupted their connection, and Sophie quickly moved away with a gasp.
"It's the truth! He was here. Sophie will tell you!" replied a different voice. Levi instantly recognized it. Dan.
The voices grew closer to the wooden wall and continued as they surrounded the hut, heading for the main door.
"Why the fuck would Captain Levi come here?" That voice was stranger to Levi. Alex?
"Dunno. Maybe he was on a trip and needed shelter from the sun."
"But you said he was cleaning her kitchen."
"Yeah, I don't know, man," replied Dan. "He seemed like a bit of a weirdo."
Sophie used her hand to muffle a laugh as they continued to listen to their conversation. Levi tsked in response.
"He is not a weirdo. And your story makes no fucking sense," answered Alex. "I wish he would clean my kitchen, though."
The knocks on the door awoke both Levi and Sophie from their trance. They hastily stood up with uncoordinated motions.
"Ugh, okay. I think you can escape through the bathroom window. Just hide in the windmill until they are gone," said Sophie, nervously arranging her hair before heading towards the wardrobe.
"You sure have experience in kicking people out of your bedroom, don't you?" taunted Levi in response. Sophie rolled her eyes before opening the closet. Levi clarified, "Don't worry. I'll explain it to them."
"Explain them what?"
"That you are leaving."
"Oh," she mumbled, looking away. "Right."
Another knock, stronger and more impatient than the previous one, echoed over the room. But it seemed like Levi's words had startled her more than the banging on the door.
She rubbed her forehead, "Just… go talk to them. I need to get dressed."
Levi nodded and headed towards the entrance. Before he reached it, he noticed the chicken hiding in one of the higher shelves next to the door. He grunted, but he wasn't there to fight against some cowardly bird. Instead, he took a deep breath and grabbed the handle.
Alex and Dan stood behind the door. Levi finally got a closer look at the duo without pretending to be a cheap assistant. Alex was shorter than Dan, but he had a more muscular frame than his friend. Dan, however, had a more defined jawline and cheekbones, hinting at an older age than Alex. They both had dark eyes and bronze skin, but Alex's hair was black, short, and slightly pulled back, whereas Dan's golden locks were larger and messier. Similar to the previous day, they wore farmer's attire: linen pants and a cotton shirt. Plain colors.
Alex let out a high-pitched screech as he realized who stood in front of him. Dan laughed and bent over, almost dropping the set of books he held in his hand. Despite how much he hated all that excessive recognition, he didn't feel the need to shy away and hide. That sense of peace still lingered on him.
Alex gasped for air and made the Military salute, pressing his fists against his back and chest. "Sir, I'm Alex Harthmon, from Iselia," he shouted, too loud for Levi's liking. Dan slowly recovered his composure, sniffling as he observed Alex's intense greeting.
"Easy, kid. No one offers their heart on a Sunday morning," said Levi, moving away from the door and inviting them to enter.
Levi heard a whisper from Dan, "I told you."
Sophie arrived from her bedroom, wearing a green shirt under a khaki jumpsuit.
"Hey, Sophie!" greeted Dan, waving his hand. Alex simply nodded at her, but Levi could sense how he still observed him from the corner of his eyes. "You made breakfast? Thanks!"
Dan left the stack of books on the table as the kids sat down to eat the food. Levi sent Sophie a disapproving look, but she simply shrugged in response.
"So you stayed after all!" gushed Dan, looking at Levi with excitement.
Levi grabbed a chair, placing himself in front of the duo. "I didn't want to get stuck in a thunderstorm."
"You see, Alex? You would've missed him if it wasn't for me," reproached Dan, hitting Alex's arm with his elbow.
He rolled his eyes, "I only come to these reading classes because you won't shut up about those books." Sophie grunted as she sat next to Levi. Alex added, "I don't need to read all day to be a soldier."
"You do," scolded Levi with the same voice he used to reprimand the recruits. Alex and Dan pushed themselves back at his sudden correction, and their faces became paler. From the corner of his eye, Levi distinguished a grin on Sophie's face. "You want to be part of the Military?"
Alex straightened his back and cleared his throat. "Yes, Sir," he said. "I want to join the Corps."
"How is your training?"
"Five times a week. If work allows, Sir."
"Make it six," responded Levi. "And keep reading and writing. A good soldier relies on a quick mind just as much as on their blades."
Sophie hummed in satisfaction, and both kids slowly recovered their composure.
"Of course, Sir," Alex gulped. "Are you here… for recruiting?"
"Somewhat, yes."
Dan looked at Alex and placed a hand over his shoulder. "Recruit him! He is the best!" he chirped, shaking Alex's arm. He shushed Dan in response.
"I'm not looking for soldiers," said Levi. "I've been sent for carpenters and artisans."
The cheer in Dan's face began to disappear as he moved his hand away from Alex. Levi directed a quick look to Sophie, but she seemed just as stunned as the kids.
"You mean… Sophie?" said Dan.
"Yes."
The room became silent. Levi wished that the chicken, still hiding on the shelf, would make some clucking sound to end that uncomfortable pause. Instead, a screech against the floor did. Dan pushed his chair back as he stood up, with eyes like plates and shaky hands.
"No," he said with conviction. "It's a trap."
Sophie opened her mouth, but Levi interrupted her, "It's not a trap."
"It is! They are going to send you to that horrible place!"
Alex grabbed his friend's arm as he whispered, "Dan…"
"Don't fucking touch me," he raged, shaking away from Alex's grip. Dan's breathing became more agitated as he turned to Sophie with pleading eyes. "Everyone is leaving, Sophie. It's happening again."
Sophie responded with a calm voice, "Nothing is happening. They asked for my help, and I accepted."
"You said I could go to college," he gasped. "You told me you would teach me."
"I'll give you all the books you need," she answered. Levi felt his lips part as he heard her composed tone. She was way too comfortable with her lies.
"I don't want those stupid books!" Dan shouted, clenching his fist. After a few agitated breaths, he pleaded, "Please, Sophie. Stay. We don't have anyone else."
She remained as immovable as a statue. "Your foster parents will take care of you and Fred."
"Bullshit, they only see us as a workforce for the farm."
"That is not true. They care about you."
"No! You care about me," he retorted, pointing his finger at her. The incoming sunlight enhanced the sight of his watery eyes. He shook his head as he corrected himself, seething, "I thought you cared about me."
Sophie's wall of ice began to crumble with his words, and Levi watched every brick from it fall as he stared at her. Sunken eyes, shallow breathing, trembling lips. Levi was about to intervene when Alex stood up to face Dan, even though he still had his furious gaze fixed on Sophie.
"Come on, Dan. It's Captain Levi from the Corps," he whispered. "He just wants her help to protect the island."
Dan's stance relaxed with his words, but it was the opposite reaction for Levi.
"Is that… true?" he said without facing him.
"Yes."
Sophie remained silent. Levi hoped and begged that Dan would be satisfied with his answer, even if he wasn't sure about the amount of truth behind it.
Instead, Dan placed his hands on the board, leaning towards Sophie as he said, "What if I go with you? You know, I…I've worked with wood. I can help the island too." He turned to Alex and added, "And Alex, you can also come. You can join the Corps with Captain Levi."
Alex babbled, "Dan, I—"
Before he had a chance to hear his negative, Dan turned to Sophie and concluded, "I'll go with you."
"No." Her reply was as firm as a military order, but Dan persisted.
"I'll take care of Fred. You won't even notice we are there."
"I said no!" shouted Sophie, slamming her hands against the table. The board and the plates trembled as a result. Dan pushed himself back with scared eyes, and even Levi felt his heart stuck in his throat. Sophie took a deep breath and stood up before whispering, "I'm not your family. I'm just a teacher."
The pause felt like an eternity. The despair in Dan's face reminded Levi of the kids from the Shiganshina mission, broken after learning the truth about their fate. Tears streamed down Dan's red-tainted cheek as he gasped for air. Alex got closer to him, but instead of accepting his comfort, Dan turned around. He exited the hut, shutting the door with a loud bang that kept resounding over the room, almost as if it would never disappear. The books were still on the table.
Sophie dropped herself on the chair. No emotional wall or lies protecting her. Defeated.
"What the hell, Sophie?" seethed Alex, almost spitting every word.
"I'm sorry, Alex. I just…" She rubbed her forehead and gasped. "Please tell him that I'm sorry." Alex shook his head in response, but she repeated. "I'm really sorry."
Instead of replying, Alex grabbed the books and left the house, not even looking at Sophie one last time. Indifference was always the deadliest weapon.
Levi stared at her, sitting on that chair like a dead weight, covering her face with her hands.
"Why did you say that?"
She let her arms fall back and turned to him. Impassive face but hurt gaze.
"You grew up with my dad's murderer. But you didn't always hate him, did you?" she asked. Levi clenched his jaw as he remembered his days with Kenny. Indeed, he hadn't always hated him. Despite not answering her question, Sophie continued. "I can't keep being this…guardian angel or whatever. I don't deserve it." She paused to take a deep breath. "He has to hate me for what I've done. I'm just giving him a reason that will hurt him less than the truth."
Levi crossed his arms and remained silent, but not because of apathy. He simply didn't know what to say. Perhaps, if Kenny had never left him, Levi would've been the one to kill her father at his command. Would he have preferred to have Kenny by his side, despite the life of crime he would've lived with him, or be scarred by his abandonment, even though that had turned him into Humanity's Strongest Soldier?
If Sophie had faced Dan with a milder truth, should he have told Alex how all the kids before him had died, no matter how many books they had read or how many days they had trained?
"When do we have to leave?" said Sophie, interrupting his thoughts. The wall around her was back, blocking every trace from her confrontation with Dan. He should've asked her whether she was sure about her choice, but the decision in her eyes made him realize that returning to the Military was no longer a choice. It was an obligation.
Levi adjusted his posture and cleared his throat. "As soon as possible."
"Can you help me pack?"
"Sure," said Levi. Sophie stood up and headed towards the bedroom. Levi remained seated as he observed the chicken, still on the shelf as a silent spectator. "What about the chicken? Is it coming with us?"
"I don't know. It arrived one day, and it sort of kept me company when the kids weren't around," she said from the other room. "No matter what I do or how many doors and windows I close, it seems to follow me wherever I go." After a brief pause, she added, "Maybe it will find its way back to me."
Levi scoffed, "I hope not."
It didn't take them long to pack. The horses couldn't carry that much weight if they wanted to get back to Stohess before Hange freaked out and sent a squad to look for them. Clothes, books, and some tools. Sophie's life in a backpack, again. He told her he could arrange a carriage to bring her the rest of her belongings, but she didn't seem interested in the idea. Instead, she left a stack of books on the kitchen table, along with a note for Dan. Her only request was that someone delivered them to him.
Both Levi's and Sophie's horses stayed at the stable behind the windmill, sheltered from the storm of the previous night. They dragged them by the reins until they reached the path leading into the forest. The closer he got to it, the more Levi could sense that tranquility from the morning disappearing. From the scar to the talk with those kids, his idea of that peaceful, domestic living slowly faded away, carried by the dusty wind. Present, but almost unattainable. Perhaps that vision had never been real in the first place. And yet, its effect on him was.
He wondered whether he would be able to feel the same back in Trost, to understand again the sort of freedom was fighting for, promises aside. Whether there was a place for him to call home, but not for just one morning. If he ever did, would he still find her next to him whenever he woke up from a nightmare?
Sophie obliviously stared at the distant hut, clenching her fist against the reins of her brown mount. He wasn't the only one that had trouble letting go of that fleeting feeling of belonging.
"Sophie?" he said, placing a hand over her shoulder to get her attention. She didn't turn to him.
"Hm?"
"We have to leave."
"I know," she whispered.
They mounted their horses, and to Levi's surprise, Sophie was the one to gallop away first. Levi observed her silhouette entering the forest before disappearing into the vegetation. He opened the sack hanging from the side and placed the green cape over his shoulders, feeling its weight over him once again.
Author's Note
Sorry, Levi. You need to be at least 170 cm tall to ride this rollercoaster of emotions called Sophie.
There are two small references/easter eggs in the last chapters.
-The name of the town, Yormgen, is inspired by (lmao more like shamelessly stolen from) one of my favorite videogames, Tales of Vesperia. In the game, Yormgen is a town in the middle of the desert that has a grand lake and a very vivid population, which is weird because everything surrounding it is completely dead and barren. Almost as if it were a mirage...
Similarly, both Sophie and Levi give into this idea of tranquil and domestic living (even though they know it's fake and temporary) because it is what they desire the most. However, Sophie has her guilt and crimes, and Levi has his duty and promise, so the illusion quickly fades away.
-The chicken. I know, everyone loves the chicken. The chicken kinda represents Sophie's guilt (hiding under the table during Dan's revelation, next to the alcohol...). It always finds a way to silently follow her around. You can see that it's not there whenever Levi and Sophie have a proper conversation because she doesn't feel judged by him. Levi tries to scare it off, but she knows that won't be enough. In the end, it always comes back.
Hm, that phrase sounds familiar, doesn't it?
Or maybe I just put way too much thought into this :)
Next update will be in 2 weeks FYI! We will get some focus on Levi's character hehe
And another massive thanks to aetherish for the beta-read! ❤❤❤