Author's Note

I apologize in advance for all the emotional damages caused by this chapter. You guys have no idea of all the sad songs I listened to while writing this. But you can probably tell.

A gazillion thanks to Aetherish for beta-reading and late-night talks about Swedish buns! ❤

Sophie crossed her arms, "So I'll just have a simple engineer's salary?"

"Yes," replied Zachary.

"No. Pay me what I'm worth."

Pixis sighed, Nile grunted, and Zachary seemed about to bang his head against the table. Despite Sophie's insistence, it wasn't so much about money. It was about respect.

"Well, budget's a bit tight, Lhant," said Pixis, letting go of another yawn.

"Not for alcohol and shiny lamps, it seems," she hissed, pointing at the flask in his hand. In response, Pixis swayed it in front of her, smirking before taking a big gulp. She scoffed and looked at Zachary. "If you want me to take care of all those baby engineers, you can't treat me like a prisoner and pay me like a peon."

"We are at war. Get used to it," he replied, condescending.

Sophie threw her head back and grunted. At war with Marley or with her? No matter her experience and skill, she would only walk out of that office with a stack of papers under her arm. No respect, no money, no home. She hoped that at least Levi would still be on the other side.

The door opened again, and all Commanders recovered their composure at the same time. Sophie turned around in her seat. Hange gently closed the door as they entered, and Sophie could distinguish a light nod. Once again, they ignored her as they walked towards Zachary.

"So, have you guys agreed on anything?" they said, crossing their arms.

"I'm afraid not," Nile replied, his face looking like someone had sprayed lemon on it.

"Yes, we do," corrected Sophie. "I agree to my new position and conditions. Even salary, as long as after-hours are considered." She stretched her back and looked at Zachary, "I'll take on whatever job I'm asked to, but I do want my manor back."

"It's not yours anymore," he growled.

"Well, then just tell the conceited prick living there right now that it's not theirs anymore."

Hange scoffed, "Let's see how it goes with your first assignments, and we will think about it."

Sophie rolled her eyes. "Fine."

"Great, can we go home now?" grunted Nile.

Zachary looked at Hange once more before nodding. In unison, all Commanders stood up, screeching the chairs against the parquet floor. Sophie sighed and grabbed the heavy stack of documents, wrapping them against her chest with both arms. No one helped her.

They all exited the room before her, but at least they had the decency of leaving the door ajar. Sophie used her shoulder to push it open, grunting with the weight of the pile. But she forgot about that burden once she distinguished Levi across the corridor, and Hange by his side.

He approached her, frowning. "You a librarian now?"

Sophie adjusted her grip on the papers and snorted, "At this rate, I just might."

"Let me get those," he said, grabbing a couple of folders. Sophie smiled at him, but he looked away. "So, how did it go?"

"Uhm, well." Sophie lowered her head as she whispered, "I'm not… Chief anymore."

"That's good, isn't it?"

"Huh?"

"No more cold, strict Chief. Wasn't that what you wanted?"

"Yeah, true," she said, clenching her fingers around the papers. "I guess you are right."

Before Sophie could reflect on the conflicting feelings of her new position, Hange materialized right between her and Levi with a playful smile.

"So, Miss Lhant! Was that old town so boring that you decided to come back to your blueprints?"

Sophie frowned at their friendliness and how it had been missing during the meeting. "Maybe I simply prefer a milder weather."

"Oh, I'm sure of it. And I can't wait to hear everything about your countryside adventures," Hange taunted. They poked their index finger on Sophie's shoulder as they whispered, "And you still owe me. Trost? Hm?"

"Please, Hange. Not now," she pleaded with a low voice.

They smirked, "I know, I know. I'm just reminding you that I haven't forgotten about it."

"Of course," Sophie mocked, gritting her teeth. Hange extended their smile, and Levi switched his gaze between them, frowning.

"Well, duty calls, I'm afraid," they said, looking at Zachary over their shoulder, who stood next to the office entrance. Hange scanned Sophie and asked, "What about you? Do you want Nile to give you a ride to the Police Brigade?"

She grunted, "Hell, no. I'm not going there."

"Then where are you going to stay? You can't go around with those files. And I told you, Ehrmich is out of the picture." After a pause, they added, "For now."

"I, uh… I'll sleep in my office." She bit her lower lip, remembering that it wasn't her office anymore: it was Charles's. Sophie rolled her shoulders to ease the numbness expanding through her arms. "I'll figure something out."

Both Hange and Levi stared at her in silence. To avoid their pitiful looks, Sophie lowered her head. Perhaps Zachary was right, and she had nowhere else to go. She should've bargained with them the way she knew best.

"Are these files confidential for me, Hange?" asked Levi.

They swayed their head. "I don't think so, no. It's all just a bunch of math and guidelines."

Levi immediately turned to Sophie. "You'll stay with me."

"What?"

He ignored her, looking at Hange instead. "Is that okay with you, Commander?"

"Uh, sure," they shrugged.

His attention went back to Sophie, "Is it okay with you?"

She remained silent for a moment, feeling her heartbeat increase as she continued to stare into his commanding grey eyes. Despite their familiarity, there was an instinctive nervousness crawling in her skin.

She gulped, "Yes."

Levi opened the carriage door, allowing Sophie to leave first. As she placed one foot on the pavement, that familiar cold night breeze surrounded her again.

The ride to Trost had gone rather swift and silent, a time she had used to skim through the files she had been assigned. There was way too much knowledge to digest in just three days: whole new protocols, structures, and even scientific discoveries. Despite the experience she had argued back at the meeting, she felt almost like that lost Underground kid, stumbling around the halls of Stohess with a hundred papers in her hand and doubts in her mind.

As usual, Levi had quietly observed her as she flipped through the sheets, but not like back in the Underground. There was something more than curiosity in his gaze, but Sophie couldn't pinpoint exactly what.

He grabbed the keys from his pocket, jingling them around as they strolled towards an old, two-story apartment. He led the way, and Sophie followed him like a quiet, undistinguishable shadow in the dead of the night. The frill of her clothes was the only proof of her presence as she stepped on the stone pathway. There was something intimate about her visiting his house at last, and she wondered whether he had felt a similar apprehension every time he had shown up at her doorstep.

Levi opened the main door. To keep it open for Sophie, he grabbed its edge with one hand, the other one carrying the bag with her belongings. As she walked past the door, with the folders still tightly pressed against her chest, she noticed something carved on its surface. Despite the faint moonlight that had illuminated their way, it was too dark to distinguish exactly what it was. Scratches?

"What happened here?" she asked, bending her neck to get a closer look. There were clefts all over the wooden panel. Some larger and thinner, others deeper and coarser. She turned her head and smiled, "Do you also have angry raccoons around Trost?"

Levi looked away, and his grip on the door became tighter.

"No," he mumbled. "They are from angry parents, friends, or spouses of the Survey Corps… deceased members."

Sophie stared at the door again. They weren't scratches; they were knife marks. Threats, overlaying with each other. Too many to count, and not because of the dim light.

"Why?" she breathed out, too stunned to understand. "You are Humanity's Strongest Soldier. Why would they try to attack the one who's supposed to protect them?"

She bit her lower lip, realizing the weight of her words. No, he wasn't just Humanity's Strongest. And he wasn't supposed to protect them; he was supposed to protect Paradis, no matter the cost or lives lost. Despite her misstep, he didn't contradict her words.

"Hurt people don't make that sort of distinction," he muttered. "You should've seen Hange's house after the first failed missions to capture live Titans."

Her fingers almost slipped away from the papers, and she wished they did, so she could wrap her arms around him. Instead, she tried to puzzle the pieces together, wondering if there had ever been something more than knives on his door. Perhaps she wasn't the only one with scars of guilt.

"Let's go," he whispered, releasing some of the tension in his hand.

"Levi, I—"

"I said let's go."

His commanding voice was enough for Sophie to enter the house without daring to give another look at the scratches. What worried her more than the actual knife marks, was that he hadn't changed the door.

The second stage was a big room made of grey stone. There was no shiny stone hanging from the ceiling to illuminate it, just an old pendant oil lamp and a pair of big windows. The mobiliary consisted of a desk and an almost empty bookshelf. No portraits, tapestries, or any kind of decoration. Next to the door that led back to the staircase was a tiny kitchen with a table and a set of chairs close to it. The setup was barely sufficient for survival, and the contrast of so little furniture in such a large area was almost intimidating. Its cleanness was undeniable, but the cold humidity from the old, dark wood on the floor made the air more unwelcoming than any dust could.

Sophie stood next to the doorframe, visiting every corner of that room with her gaze, trying to get to know the person that lived there, besides the clefts on the entrance. Cold, soulless, and distant were the words that came to her mind, but that wasn't Levi. Not for her, at least.

He left her bag on the floor and wandered around, pointing as he explained, "Desk, kitchen, and bedroom over there," he said, signaling a closed room towards the end. "Bathroom's downstairs."

She entered the room with a ghost-like presence, trying not to get noticed by the owner. "Uhm, great." After clearing her throat, she gathered the courage to ask, "So, where will I sleep?"

"Just… take the bedroom," he sighed. "I don't use it much anyway."

"No, I…" Sophie left the documents on the desk, shaking her hands as she felt the release of that burden. "Don't worry about it. I have a lot to read up on tonight."

"Are you sure you don't want to sleep?" he asked, crossing his arms. Sophie shook her head. "Well, the desk is all yours. There should be ink and papers around." He grabbed something from the kitchen and dragged a chair towards the center of the room. Using it as leverage, he turned on the hanging oil lamp. Despite the added brightness, the room still felt cold and gloomy.

"Thanks," she mumbled as she sat on the office chair. Not very comfortable, but it served its purpose. She began to scatter the documents around, separating them into smaller stacks. But before she could zone out the rest of the world to focus on her work, she distinguished Levi exiting the room. "Where are you going?"

Without facing her, he answered, "For a walk."

"You are not going to rest?" She waited, but he didn't reply. He continued to have his back on her as she sighed, "Okay. Have a good one, I guess."

"Thanks," he said, grabbing the door's handle. He turned around and mumbled, "Sophie?"

"Yes?"

"Don't do anything that might get you in trouble."

She scoffed, "Now why would I do that?"

She hoped to see a hint of a smirk on him, but there was only a decisive gaze, suddenly shut along with the door. And just like that, she was alone again.

Instead of focusing on the errors and awkward interactions of that night, she stared at the papers in front. No matter how hard she tried to focus on all that novel knowledge, her throat tightened with every row she read, and the unsettling, cold emptiness of that room and its owner didn't help much either. Her thoughts raced, intertwined, and collided with each other as she recalled Levi's hurt expression at the entrance. How long had those threats been on that door? Had Erwin known about them, and had he sent him to those pointless missions regardless?

There were too many things she couldn't understand, from the man she thought she knew so well to all those new formulas and rusty concepts. She threw her head back with a sigh, wishing that the light above her would give her some clarity.

But there was no time for grieving and confusion; work awaited, and the only thing that could help her would be ink and paper. She opened the last drawer of the desk and saw a mahogany wooden box and a black, leather-covered notebook inside. She hoped to find some writing utensils inside the box, but as she lifted its lid, she realized just how wrong she was.

Survey Corps badges. Lots of them, and judging by the different levels of fabric discoloration, they spanned multiple years. Some were torn apart, others had reddish stains that no cleaning formula could get rid of. For a moment, she considered sinking her fingers between them to feel their true depth and weight. But the lump in her throat had expanded all over her body like a paralyzing venom. She wondered whether they belonged to the ones those angry parents, relatives, and spouses had lost.

No. There were more insignias in that container than scratches on the door.

Unable to stare at those badges for any longer, she closed the lid with one agitated motion. But as she kept her palm over the cover, she could still sense their presence. Her stomach tangled with the thought of all those lives, the dreams and promises they had once held. In her sleepless nights, she had also wondered that about those who had died during her projects. But unlike Levi's fallen subordinates, she had no records of their existence, and she had never asked Asbel about them either. The only thing she knew was that the survivors would be forever scarred, like Dan.

Murderer.

Her pride and powerful act from the meeting became pointless the moment she opened that box. She had always demanded respect for her suffering and hard work, but Levi had always elicited it naturally. That was something she had admired and almost envied of him. But that kind of respect hadn't come without corpses and guilt either, although for a better cause than hers.

As she dwelled on her thoughts, she kept her gaze fixed on that notebook inside the drawer. Its cover seemed too expensive to be filled with empty sheets of paper for random annotations. And she knew that, but it didn't stop her from taking it out of its concealment.

She placed the notebook on the desk, feeling the leather lingering on her fingertips. Every second that she spent in that cold, empty room, more questions and fears arose. She had already lived almost a decade next to an invisible man, and now she was kept in the dark from the division that she had helped build. Her work was stranger to her, and so was Levi from the moment she had stepped in that house.

She closed her eyes, trying to stop her curiosity from taking over her head. But if he had read the engravings at her manor, her wedding date, and all the other secrets and feelings she had hidden, why shouldn't she do the same? What did he know about her that she didn't? Besides the threats on his door, what else was he hiding?

No matter her self-imposed restraint, she couldn't help it. There was something alluring about that notebook, just like those shiny lamps. Something inside, begging to be discovered. And she was begging for answers.

With a deep breath, she opened it on a random page and read its content.

I keep seeing them. I hope that they are seeing me.

They were human. Who is the monster now?

I never thought I would see her again, swinging a knife over my head. It's like nothing changed.

Kenny. Was there ever anything I could've done to make him stay?

I can still taste her wine. I hope it doesn't disappear.

I returned from Shiganshina yesterday. I cleaned the house. I can't wash away the trail of blood I brought with me.

I failed. There should've been a coffin with my name.

She's fucking married.

For better or worse. I wonder how that works.

What have you become? What did he do to you?

Strawberry black tea. Betty.

There was sugar on her lips.

She can't understand.

I'll kill him. I promised.

I hope she has her toyshop. I wish she had engraved my name on a doll, and not a switchblade.

Are you happy there?

Strings of sentences, no dates between them. Thoughts, wishes, fears, all condensed on those yellow-stained pages with impeccable handwriting. The more she read them, the more she could feel every scratch on the door in her own skin.

Sophie closed the notebook with a sigh. Its content had given her answers, but also questions. And her heart had never felt as confused. The owner of that notebook was nothing but a tortured man, and not the powerful soldier that everyone else expected him to be, just as she wasn't a perfect, spotless engineer. The feelings she drowned in alcohol, he hid them in a notebook.

Despite his strength, he was just as human as her.

She returned the notebook to the drawer and closed her eyes. Tiredness, doubts, and anxiety. It all crept up on her as the sentences resounded in her head. Besides the ones referencing their relationship, they barely made sense. Who had he failed to? Who was he supposed to kill? Was that the promise he kept mentioning?

Betty.

For the first time since their reunion, she wondered what exactly had happened to Levi during the past two years.

Levi observed the scratches on the door, cursing himself for letting Sophie see them; he should've changed the board. But even if the Corps were now seen as heroes, he still feared that those threats would reappear on the newer plank of wood, just like all the other times.

He grunted as he pushed the door open, dragging his feet towards the second stage of the house. He had hoped that his walk would provide him with some clearness of mind after Hange's request, but it had only made his fears more prominent. Two promises hanging by a very thin thread that he held on his own. Doubts, on whether Hange was being unfair to Sophie, or if he was too blinded to see their concerns. But his trust was unconditional until proven otherwise. That had always been his belief, and no one, nothing besides Sophie's own actions could change that.

He opened the door leading to the living room, the rusty hinge screeching as he entered. He froze once he realized that he was no longer walking into an empty apartment. There was someone on his desk, their head resting on the board, sleeping.

He approached Sophie with soft, slow steps to avoid waking her up. It was no surprise that she would be so tired after such a long trip and meeting, but she could've at least taken his offer to sleep on his bed. Instead, her own arms acted as a pillow as she drooled all over the documents. Stubborn woman.

Levi kneeled next to her. He noticed her calm breathing, hidden behind the hair strands covering her face. He placed a hand over her shoulder, but before he could move it to awaken her, her eyelids lightly twitched.

"Hm?" she muttered as she stretched her back, yawning. Levi observed her gently breaking away from her sleep, but she suddenly blinked and gasped, "Oh no, did I fall asleep?"

Levi rolled his eyes."I told you to get some rest."

Sophie ignored him as her gaze scanned the papers in front of her, lips ajar. "No, no. I need to—"

"Wait," Levi interrupted her. She turned to him with eyes wide open, sunken, and reddish. Tired. He grabbed her chin, pushing it to the side to get a better look at her left cheek: black stains of ink were all over it. From his pocket, he pulled out a handkerchief and walked towards the sink to moisten it. As he returned to the desk, Sophie stood up in an almost defensive way.

"What?" he asked, surprised at her tense stance. "You've got ink on your face. You look like an actual raccoon."

"Huh?" She turned to the desk and observed all the messy, smudged annotations on the paper. Rubbing her forehead, she muttered, "Shit, I need to write it all over again."

"Well, it's still more legible than Hange's meeting notes," he said, hoping to ease that nervousness around her. He approached her and sighed, "Here, let me clean that."

Sophie scanned him before lightly nodding. Her reticent expression made Levi instinctively frown as he cupped one side of her face to clean the other one. At least the ink was still fresh, so a few wipes were enough to remove all traces of it. She supervised his motion with expectant eyes, her breathing brushing his face. He was close to her. Very close.

His gaze switched back and forth between her lips and eyes. Even if there was no smudge around her mouth, he felt the urge to pass his thumb over her lips, to feel their fullness before leaning forward to kiss her. But spying and kissing didn't seem like an honest combination.

Instead, he used the dried part of the handkerchief to remove some of the moisture over her cheek. Once he did, he took a step back, and Sophie gulped, looking just as confused as that time at the cell. Perhaps that meeting had gone worse than what he had expected, but it wasn't like he could ask her about it either. Maybe he wasn't the only one under a vow of secrecy.

"Go to sleep, understood?" he said, leaving the cloth on the desk. Instead of replying, she took a confident step forward, fixing her eyes on his. He stretched his back in response.

"Levi," she whispered.

"Yes?"

She grabbed his hands, and that sudden gesture made his heart stop and tighten for a second. She had done that before. She had touched him before. But this time, there was something different that he couldn't understand, hidden in her gaze and touch. And yet, his muscles relaxed, and his breathing became deeper the more her warmth passed onto his skin.

With her thumb, Sophie caressed his knuckles, her eyes fluttering as she examined every bit of his face. She moistened her lips before whispering a question that no one had asked him in a long time.

"Are you okay?"

He had never felt as paralyzed and incorporeal as at that moment, grounded only to the floor and the feeling of her touch. The vision of her face, staring at him with wide, pleading eyes became a hazy sight. However fleeting and uncomfortable, he didn't want to wake up from that trance, but the tender, worried gaze in front begged him to come back. To reply.

He knew the true answer, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. What was forcing him to hide this time? Duty, fear, or shame?

"Yes," he gulped. "I'm fine."

He wasn't fine. He was desperate, lonely, a failure. He had let Erwin down, and with him, all his other comrades. He had no input in the meetings, no missions to lead, no titans to kill. The only thing he could do was wait until he could slice Zeke's neck. That was his purpose, the sole reason why he got out of bed every morning. But with each day that passed, that promise seemed to crack a bit more, and he was one wrong step away from breaking it.

And he was one wrong step away from breaking his promise with Sophie too.

No matter how safe he felt with her, he couldn't explain to her the horrors of Shiganshina, the weight of his vow to Erwin, the choice he had made. The rules of the game had changed, and now he was her keeper, obeying to his duty and the secrecy that the new Government demanded. Especially in regards to her. What did that make him? A faithful soldier, or an endorsed liar?

"You sure?" she whispered.

"Yeah."

Sophie lowered her gaze and sighed, "Okay."

Sophie moved her hands away from his to wrap her arms around his torso, tightly pressing her chest against him. Levi closed his eyes and concurred to the embrace, sinking his head in the crook of her neck. Her warmth and presence surrounded him like a cape of comfort rather than duty.

In his mind, he told her the truth and everything that it entailed.

Levi sat on the edge of the bed, observing Sophie's peaceful sleep. Her head laid on an actual pillow, and a white sheet covered her body. At least she had finally agreed to take a bath and get some proper rest, instead of looking at those daunting files for the remainder of the night.

He considered leaning next to her, just to see if he could imagine that they were back at Yormgen. No duty, no double-edged promises, or war between them. No lies, or scratches on the door to hide. Perhaps, if he did that, if he could keep himself close to her without fearing a nightmare to startle her sleep, he could feel at home again.

But he didn't. Instead, he tiptoed out of the bedroom. He sat at his desk and reached for the last drawer to grab his journal. With a deep breath, he dipped the quill on the inkpot as he got ready for that mental routine. The one from when there was too much in his mind, too many thoughts he couldn't comprehend, mistakes he couldn't fix. That was the only moment in which he allowed himself to regret.

He placed the tip of the quill over the paper, sliding it as he wrote the one thing clear in his mind, his only comfort in that night, and perhaps, many that would follow.

At least she is back.

Author's Note

Well! That was a lot, wasn't it? This chapter has been on my mind/notes for months and now that it's properly written... I don't know how to feel about it haha. The part of Levi's journal entries is actually longer, but publishing it felt like a slippery slope of cringe, so I cut out most of it. I might put it as an outtake if people are interested idk.

Before anyone cancels Betty (or me, for that matter) there is NO cat-fighting or jealousy subplot. This is merely to give more insight into Levi's way of thinking during those 2 years without Sophie, how he views relationships, and why he keeps defending Sophie despite her...issues, I guess. Character development and all that funky stuff.

I SWEAR fluff is coming! like! seriously! next chapter! pinky promise!

Okay, I'll admit that the first scene of the next chapter is a bit angsty, but then it gets all cutesy. And you know, perhaps something more? Maybe we need to open another bottle of champagne? Hehehe 👀

Besides that, the next update will be at the end of the month, more or less. It will be a 10k monster, that's why I need time to edit it and make sure that it's not as cringe as this chapter hahaha.

UPDATE: Next chapter will be posted in mid-September!