Chapter 2: Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Katniss POV:

I try to get myself back to sleep after the horrid nightmare. After tossing and turning for a few minutes I get up. The nightmares have been a constant plague in my mind since the return to twelve. Most nights I stay up until I can't anymore in an effort to avoid those torturous dreams. With mutts, monsters and dying children they pull at my sanity.

I wonder if I will ever get used to it. Will I always see those things that I so desperately wish to forget? In my nightmares they come alive; Rue, Thresh, Foxface, Clove, Cato, the boy from one, and so many others. Their deaths rip my mind to shreds every night. I now utterly understand why Haymitch chooses to bury those images in alcohol. I have never had any want to get drunk. But today I wish I could.

This was the first nightmare with Peeta. I don't know why but losing him seemed so much worse. The dream was disturbing in more than one way though. As terrifying as it was to lose him to death, the parts before were no less frightening. It was strange, in the dream I was his wife. Wife… something I don't ever think I want to be.

We were doing things I have never had the desire or time to think about. The Peeta in my dreams brought out some hidden passion from within my soul. I've only felt that way once before and had convinced myself that it was an effect of the games. I had no idea that the hunger could extend beyond what it had. But somehow, I think I miss it… and him. It feels odd to miss a man who lives just across from me. We've been avoiding each other since our return to District 12. I can't stand the look of disappointed hopes in his eyes.

I walk over to my bedroom window and look up at the silent abyss of the night sky. I try to will some of the calm of the outside world to bring me serenity too. But my thoughts are still a jumbled mess. His name is a mantra in my mind. All my thoughts lead back to him… Peeta… Peeta… Peeta. Unable to control the impulse I turn my head to look at his house.

Peeta is there. He is standing near his living room window. His form is completely hidden in the shadows, but I know it's him. Seeing him is too much to bear, I need to see him. Now. I need to understand that dream. The desperate need overwhelms me. I turn swiftly away from the window and without thinking rush towards the door.

Peeta POV:

I'm surprised that Katniss turned away so suddenly when she saw me. She can't even stand to look at me. A part of me still had hope that Katniss ignoring me for the past few months was because she was confused about her feelings. That was obviously not the case. These pitiful thoughts bring me anguish. I wish I could hate her, but even now as I stare at the place she has emptied, I know that I'm still the same boy who pathetically loves Katniss Everdeen.

I always thought Katniss was an open book. But her convincing act in the games has me confused. Do I even truly know her? How was she able to convince me and the rest of the nation that she loved me? Was I so desperate for her love that I foolishly accepted the lies? As I go over these thoughts in my mind, I hear tentative knocking on my door.

I slowly walk over to the door. My steps are heavy, I have been wearing my prosthetic for too long today. When I finally get to the door and open it, I am stunned to see Katniss in front of me.

She is in her burgundy pajamas. Barefoot in front of my door, she has a slight crazed look in her grey eyes. I only have a second to observe these things before she launches herself into my arms. I feel myself stumble slightly backwards before I stabilize her in my arms. She fills my senses. The softness of her body, her sweet summary scent, the sound of her heavy breathing, it all renders me speechless.

I feel dazed and confused. I feel like an addict who has been given reprieve after months of sobriety. And just like an addict, as she pulls away, I need more. I want to pull her back in and never let her go. I want her trapped in my embrace, but I don't stop her as she pulls away. I don't have the courage for that.

As she steps away, I notice a beep crimson blush start to tint her olive skin. It looks beautiful. "What's wrong Katniss?" I ask, my voice a little raspy. I see her blush deepen as she looks down at her bare feet. Internally reprimanding myself, I caution her to come in to escape the chill of night.

She enters awkwardly. I close the door behind her. This is the first time Katniss has come to my home. I lead her to my living room and beckon her to a seat near the fireplace so that she can get warm. I take a blanket from one of the other chairs and hand it to Katniss. She accepts it with a smile. "I'll get us some tea," I propose and walk past her into my kitchen.