Chapter 3: Girls Do Cry

Katniss POV:

I feel absurd. Why have I come here? I know why, the awful nightmare sent me spiraling into a panic and seeing Peeta in his window seemed to aggravate everything. I sit silently trying to figure out what I will say when Peeta returns. I hear him fumbling around in the kitchen. I feel guilt rise in my throat as I think of the possible discomfort I'm causing him. But even that doesn't make me truly regret coming here. It is awkward and weird, but the feel of his arms, from moments ago, makes it seem worth it. His large hands wrapped so effortlessly around me made me feel safe.

I wince at my selfish thoughts. I know he will get confused; he will be hurt. I should leave to prevent him from feeling more pain. I have hurt him enough already. I know how much me jumbled feelings disturb him. I can't help but think about our avoidance of each other since the return to District Twelve.

Soon, Peeta returns to the room carrying a tray. He places the tray on the small table in front of me and takes a seat in a chair next to the one I'm seated in. His movements are slow and deliberate as he pours some tea into one cup and then the other adding a sugar cube in each. I watch as he stirs and hands me one cup then takes the other for himself. I take a sip of the warm liquid and feel myself warm up. I snuggle further into the blanket he had handed me.

I watch Peeta as he drinks his tea. My gaze follows his hands as they bring the cup up to his mouth. My eyes trace the muscles of his arms as they contract and relax. I watch the way his Adam's apple bobs as he swallows the hot liquid. He seems to be avoiding my gaze. This bothers me. I want him to look at me.

Finally, Peeta's penetrating blue eyes find mine. I feel my mouth open slightly. There are questions in his eyes. Like a coward, I look away. I try to organize my thoughts in a way that will make sense to him. How do I explain my presence after months of avoidance?

Still looking away, "I had a nightmare," I whisper and return to drinking the tea.

Peeta POV:

I stare at Katniss as she drinks the tea. Unable to help myself, I feel myself leaning closer to her. I see her stiffen at my nearness. "I have them too," I manage to say. I'm surprised that my voice comes out relatively normal when internally I am a mess of nerves. My words release some of the tension from her shoulders.

She looks up at me. Somehow, in the moment, her eyes tell me more about her emotions then her words or actions ever have. Her grey eyes show me a vulnerability I would have not expected from Katniss, the fear and pain in her eyes is so clear. It is unexpected because she always seems so strong. I know that she has built an impenetrable barrier to protect herself, that does not allow her weakness to show. The fact that she has let me see past this barrier brings me a pleasure that I can not describe.

"Tell me," I coerce. She puts the teacup down and while focusing her gaze on the fireplace she tells me. Her voice is a little shaky as she tells me about her nightmare. We were in the cave, the mutts came and killed me, she was left cold and alone. The dream is simple enough to understand, but I can't help the surprise at the realization that my death, even in a dream, deeply disturbs Katniss. A part of me feels that there is something that she is hiding.

Afraid of deception, I reach out two fingers and gently place them under her chin to turn her face to mine. There is nothing in her eyes but a few unshed tears. Feeling remorse, I know that Katniss is not someone who lies deliberately. I take her hand and pull her closer to myself.

She leans into me and begins to cry into my chest. I wrap my arms around her. She trembles in my embrace. Her sobs break my heart as her tears soak into my shirt. I know that for Katniss this may just be a moment of weakness, but hope starts to bubble within me. For some reason this feels like a turning point, telling me that maybe things are different from what I thought they were.

Katniss POV:

I don't know how long I stay there, crying into Peeta's strong chest. It feels like a release. Possibly an eternity later I find the strength to pull away. I look into his eyes. Peeta is so pure. His unabashed love for me shines through in every look, every move, every word. Suddenly, I have the desire to love him back, to love him as unconditionally as he loves me. He deserves it, but I don't think I am capable of such deep emotions.

My eyes fall to Peeta's lips. I see flashbacks of the dream before it became a nightmare. Those kisses, the way he touched me, comes rushing back to me. I feel my heartbeat quicken as I think of the primal pleasure I had felt. My breathing quickens. My thoughts become clouded and hazy. Without any further conscious thought, I lean in, and my lips press against his.