Chapter 8: In The Dark
Katniss POV:
Peeta's arms are firm around me. It seems like a lifetime passes by as we stand hugging in the dark room. Yet, it's not enough. After some time, we pull away. For a moment we are just staring at one another, trying to make one another's expressions in the shadows.
"Katniss, is everything okay?" Peeta inquires. In the darkness of the room, I'm unable to make out the expression on his face. I don't know what to tell him, or how. All I know is that being around Peeta keeps the terrors at bay. I am a very selfish person, and my greed doesn't allow me to let go of the one person that is able to make me feel safe. Yes, that's it. Peeta makes me feel safe.
In my nightmare, losing Peeta was like losing my only source of security. His presence soothes my soul. He makes me feel like everything is okay. Also, I am intrigued by the lack of horror in my dreams while we were on the floor.
"When we were sleeping on the floor… That's the first time I haven't had a nightmare since coming back," I mutter. "I think being together, maybe, the nightmares will go away," I continue. This is not the whole truth, but I'm not sure I'm ready to tell him more.
Peeta gives a soft smile at my words and pulls me into another hug. Relief fills my body. He will stay. A part of me knows that Peeta will never deny me anything, but there's always a little fear at the idea that one day I may ask too much from him. Someday I could ask him for more than he can give. For now, though, in this moment, he is here, with me. That is enough.
Later, I lead him to my room. We walk fumble around in the dark as we go up the stairs. I try to be as quite as possible as I lead Peeta to the doorway of my bedroom. I struggle with the door for a few seconds before it creaks open. Peeta is silent as he stands awkwardly at my door. I turn the lights on and step inside. "Sit," I say waving to the bed, "I'll just go change." Peeta nods as I rush into the bathroom.
What am I doing? Peeta probably thinks I'm losing my mind, but I need him. The world doesn't seem to be crumbling around me when he is near. I take my time changing into my white nightgown. I don't wear the soft cotton gown often, but it looks a lot better than anything else. I make sure to carefully wash my face and brush my teeth. I take my hair out of my braid and brush it out. It sits in loose curls around my shoulders. I hope I look okay. Then, I grab one of my father's old pants from a cabinet hoping they'll fit Peeta. I don't want him to be uncomfortable.
Taking one last look at myself in the mirror I step out of the bathroom.
Peeta POV:
As I sit on her bed, I can hear Katniss rummaging around in her bathroom. Soon, she returns with something in her hand. She is wearing a seductively short nightgown. It's not fancy or decorated with lace, but it is stunning on Katniss. Her exposed legs look creamy and soft. I am unable to stop my thoughts from imagining how it would feel to run my hands up her thighs. I attempt to keep my eyes focused on her face. If I leer at her legs, Katniss will probably kick me out of her room, forever. As I grapple with my thoughts Katniss clears her throat. After an awkward moment, "I thought you might be more comfortable in this," she says, "You can go change if you want."
"Thanks," I state and make my way into the bathroom. I make quick work of getting into the pants Katniss has given me and go back outside.
I notice that Katniss has turned off the main lights of the room, leaving only the two bedside lamps on. She is already laying in the bed with the blanket covering her. That's good, her legs are distracting. I sit on the bed and contemplate whether or not I should remove my prosthetic. It might make Katniss uncomfortable. But if I don't remove it I might not be able to walk at all tomorrow, I've already worn it for such a long time today. Deciding that I need to remove it I carefully take off and place my prosthetic against the bedside table and lay down. I take a deep breath. Katniss turns out the lamps, and we are both shrouded in the complete darkness of the night. The only light is coming from a streetlamp outside of the window.
For one bumbling minute me and Katniss are both laying ramrod straight on opposite sides of the bed. We are quickly able to get passed the initial strangeness and lean into each other. Katniss places her head on my shoulder as I wrap my hand around her waist. For a few minutes I marvel at the familiar yet odd sensation of Katniss's head on my shoulder. The summary scent of her body seems to surround and cover me.
With my other hand I take one of Katniss's hands in mine. This feels like heaven. The only sound in the room is our breathing. Katniss fits perfectly into my side as if she has always belonged there. I feel Katniss trace patterns onto the back of my hand. Her touch is as light as a feather. I can barely feel it, yet my entire body is transfixed on the motion of her hands.
Slowly, I bring her hand to my lips and press gently. She gives a sigh in response. Unable to hold back I place another and then another kiss on her hands. I feel her gaze on me. Then without thought we are leaning into each other. The kiss is tender and sweet. It's unlike the previous one which was frantic and desperate. We kiss slowly. Her lips are sweet and when she moans, I take advantage of the opportunity. I push my tongue into her delicious mouth. Our tongues dance together as we taste and suck each other.
Breathless, Katniss pulls away, and I move my attentions to her neck. I love how she moans and withers under my attention. I run my hands up her arms as she rolls on top of me. She moves her lips to mine again. I feel one of her hands grab onto a bit of my hair as we kiss.
We are completely wrapped around each other.