Chapter 14: Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye

Peeta nods and another tear escapes his left eye. Needing to comfort him, I lean over and kiss him right under his eye on top of the teardrop.

Peeta POV:

I have loved Katniss for as long as I can remember. Today that love has exalted beyond limits. I never knew that Katniss's mother was so broken after the death of Mr. Everdeen. As I think about all that Katniss has told me I can't help but feel pride in her resilience and tenacity. She may credit her survival to the bread I gave her, but all that bread did was show her what she could already do. Katniss was, and always will be, a survivor.

I pull Katniss closer. I feel like we have crossed some bridge. A bridge of honesty, trust, and hopefully love. We are sitting on the floor with her head on m shoulder. The silence is comfortable as we both mull our thoughts. Today was a day of revelations. I think Katniss spoke more today, then I've ever heard her say at one time.

After some time, I begin to play with Katniss's hair. It's soft and smooth in my fingers. I pull the tie out of her hair and detangle her hair from her signature braid. My hand moves from her hair to her throat. I can feel her pulse against my skin. Katniss moves herself into my arms. She positions herself onto my lap facing me. Her eyes are intense, stormy. She wraps her hands around my neck.

Our lips are like magnets pulling to one another. The kiss is natural, like an instinctual movement. "Thank you," Katniss sighs against my lips. I know she is thanking me for the bread, not that she needs to.

"I love you," I whisper in return.

I'm surprised the words have left my lips. Embarrassment fills me. I shouldn't have said that. I close my eyes hoping that Katniss will not have heard me. I wait anticipating her next words. What will she say?

"Peeta look at me," Katniss prompts. I open my eyes. "Peeta, I know how you feel, and I wish I could tell you I love you too," she states.

I nod. It would have better if she had told me she did not love me, that she could never love me, or even that she loved another. This halfway revelation just confused and tangled up my own emotions.

I can't stop the painful sting of heartbreak from spreading in my chest. It is dull, not as sharp and painful as when we came back from the games, but still there. My stomach tightens. I feel like I'm going to vomit. My love for her is so all consuming, I wish she could revel in it. I want Katniss to love me. Did our kisses mean nothing to her? Is everything we share just an amalgamation of our physical needs? I feel my self start to panic. My body becomes stiff, and I can no longer think.

"Peeta?" Katniss whispers worriedly.

I pull away and stand up.

"Peeta, are you okay?" Katniss demands.

"D-Do you not have feelings for me?" I probe.

Katniss hesitates before answering, "Peeta, I'm not sure what I feel," she replies.

"D-Did everything mean nothing!" my voice begins to rise. Before she can answer I continue, "Am I just a toy, a prop, was this another plot, another convoluted plot to save my life. Or where you trying to spare my feelings, poor Peeta and his pathetic feelings!"

Katniss winces at my words. "N-no I ju-just, I don't know," she stammers.

Unable to look at her anymore, I turn away, "I- I need some space, I'll talk to you later," I whisper. Before she can reply I run out of the house. It starts to rain as I cross the town. My vision is blurred, and I see nothing as I practically run home. By the time I reach Victors Village my clothes are soaked through, and the fabric sticks to my skin. Once inside the house, I'm panting trying to catch my breath from the exercise. What just happened? I sink to the floor and feel the grief as it wraps around my heart.

Katniss POV:

Peeta's sudden departure leaves me cold, stranded, and utterly alone. My heart fills with an unyielding ache. What should I do? My brain races to find a solution. I thought Peeta understood. I thought he was aware of my feelings. Peeta is so good at understanding me better than I understand myself. His voice echoes in my head. He was heartbroken and his voice revealed it. What have I done? It was the first time I have ever heard him raise his voice.

I think back to the past two days. Peeta's presence was a lifeline that brought me back down to earth. How will I function without him? Today had gone so well, having lunch together, seeing his old home, sharing my past, those moments had been precious and important. And now they were gone, fading into memory.

It starts to rain, filling me with even more grief. The rainfall quickly becomes a thunderstorm. I can't help but recall Peeta's voice as he pointed out there were no clouds in the sky. His voice had been teasing and there had been a sparkle of mischievousness in his demeanor when he came up with the bet. I had been so happy, and now...

I walk home in the pouring rain alone.