Chapter 16 – Newborn
Santana…
The first time she held baby Iker in her arms made her heart open up to a new world. She remembers so clearly. It was a Sunday morning in May, her mother in the hospital bed, tiredly smiling back at her.
The baby instantly calmed down in her arms. He was the sweetest thing she had ever seen. She loved Tony just as much but something about that baby boy made her feel so special. When he grabbed her finger and held on to it so tightly… it was like a bond being created right in front of her eyes.
The memories of that moment inevitably came back to her when she watched how Brittany sat down with baby Adeline in her arms. She looked a little insecure but did a phenomenal job in Santana's opinion. Especially because it was the first time for her to be holding a newborn.
"Am I doing it right?" Brittany whispered. Santana nodded when Brittany threw a short glimpse at her.
"Yes… you're supporting the head. Perfect."
Brittany grinned when she caressed a tiny cheek with her other hand.
"She's gorgeous."
Santana agreed with a sigh when she stepped close to Brittany and the baby.
"What were you expecting with these parents… she's going to be the prettiest girl in town one day. Driving all the boys insane."
Brittany chuckled.
"Or the girls" She added with a wink.
Santana bashfully cleared her throat when she didn't know what to say to that.
Brittany always managed to render her speechless.
"Do you want one of those one day?" Brittany went on with her eyes still blissfully trained on the sleeping baby in her arm. Santana chuckled.
"Maybe. Not before I'm thirty though. I'm already raising one, so… Iker needs to grow up first."
They both grinned when they exchanged another look. Then Adeline started crying which caused Brittany to look up in horror.
"What am I doing wrong? We need Quinn!"
"Relax, Brittany. Quinn will be right back from the bathroom. The baby's probably hungry."
"You take her. I don't think I can handle it. Seriously, how does something so loud come out of something so tiny?"
Santana couldn't help but laugh at Brittany's clumsiness. She gently took the baby out of Brittany's hands and made a couple steps through the hospital room. She kissed the baby's forehead. Within a few moments the crying stopped.
Brittany got up, too and stared at Santana all fascinated.
"You're a natural" she whispered while stepping close to them.
Santana tilted her head to the side, proudly gazing at Adeline.
"I'm just used to it because of my brothers."
When she felt a warm hand on her cheek, she looked up. The love in Brittany's eyes was unmissable. The way she stared at Santana's lips and bit her own. It was inevitable for both of them to lean in at the same time and kiss over the baby's head.
It was soft and supposed to be quick.
Instead it must have lasted several seconds. Because when they broke apart, Santana heard someone clearing their throat.
She felt the heat spreading over her cheeks and down her neck. She had only once before in her life suffered from severe flushing. It had been that one time she forgot her words during a presentation in fifth grade. It was inexplicable to her how she could forget everything even though she had the notes in her hand. Her mind went completely blank.
Like in that very moment.
Quinn was standing right there by the door, looking at her and Brittany after they had just kissed.
There was nothing that could have justified the situation. No explanation came to her mind. Quinn had seen the kiss.
"Hey" Brittany's voice was raspy. Or thin. Just not like it usually was. "Are you ok? Do you want me to get you some water?"
Quinn's eyes widened, then she narrowed them. Slowly she came closer. They held eye contact when Santana handed her Adeline back.
She had no idea what Quinn was thinking at that moment but something in her eyes told Santana that she didn't have to worry too much.
Quinn kissed her daughter's cheek before putting her back in the crib by the hospital bed. She turned around and crossed her arms in front of her chest.
"Do you guys want me to pretend like I didn't see? Because I can do that."
Santana could feel Brittany's eyes on her face. They were burning on her skin with questions about what to do. Santana had no idea, either.
"You don't seem shocked" Santana said with a faint voice. Why should they even pretend like it didn't happen? That would only make everything more awkward.
"Why would I be shocked?" Quinn shrugged. "I just saw my two best friends kissing."
At first Santana didn't know if Quinn was being serious or sarcastic. But when her lips formed into a soft smile, Santana could hear a relieved breath escaping Brittany's lungs.
"I'm way too exhausted to make a scene. Also… I saw you guys at prom. I've been thinking about it for a while now."
Santana swallowed drily, still not sure how to behave.
"At prom? What do you mean you saw us?"
Quinn climbed back into bed. She looked so tired and exhausted. Like she had just finished a marathon after staying awake for three days in a row.
Her eyes closed before she spoke up again.
"Dancing" She mumbled when she sank into the pillows. "It looked like it meant something… more than friends."
Santana stepped closer to Quinn's bed. Brittany followed her silently.
"Well… I guess you saw right." Santana tried to explain. She had no idea what to tell Quinn. Especially because she and Brittany hadn't really talked about their feelings. Maybe Brittany wasn't ready to tell anyone.
Maybe she herself wasn't ready, either.
Santana could tell that Quinn had a hard time keeping her eyes open but did her best.
"You guys have had my back ever since I found out I was pregnant. I want to be there for you, too. Always… no matter what you two…"
She fell asleep before she could properly finish her sentence.
Santana knew that she wanted to stay awake but that it was simply impossible. There was no way she would have missed this.
This was big. Major. Quinn loved big major things. She loved gossip and news and love stuff in general. She would have never in a million years missed news about Santana's love life because there usually never were.
Now she was lying there looking like an angel after a triple shift of doing whatever angels did in heaven.
Santana threw a look at Brittany. The blonde was standing on the other side of Quinn's bed, her arms crossed in front of her chest and her eyes warmly gazing at Santana.
"We should let her sleep." She suggested right before Jake slipped through the door with several bags of newly purchased baby stuff.
His face was beaming with pride when he tiptoed over to the crib to make sure the baby was fine. Then he went over to the bed where he kissed Quinn on the forehead.
He winked at Brittany and Santana when they whispered a goodbye and sneaked out of the room.
Once they had taken a couple steps in the hallway, Santana could no longer take it.
"I'm so sorry, Brittany. I didn't know what to say. It slipped out-"
"It's ok."
"No, I'm sorry!"
"Santana" Brittany held her gaze determinedly. "You didn't even do anything."
"But I didn't deny it. Us. I confirmed it when she suspected that we're more than friends."
There was a hint of a smile in Brittany's eyes. A very very careful one.
"So? It's the truth, right?"
Santana swallowed. All of a sudden she was terrified. What if Quinn told her parents and then her parents told everyone at their church and the next day everybody in town knew. Including her dad.
But Brittany's eyes were so comforting. Just like the warmth of her hands when she took Santana's into hers. It was like she fell right into her safety net.
She desperately held on to Brittany's gaze.
"Yes" She croaked. Automatically she stepped closer to Brittany until their foreheads were resting together.
In bright daylight in the middle of a hospital hallway. Nobody else was there at the moment but still… it felt so vulnerable and courageous at the same time.
The typical hospital smell got replaced with Brittany's lovely scent once she kissed Santana on the cheek and then took her in for a tight embrace.
"We're just two people… who like to be with each other." She whispered into Santana's ear.
Santana nodded into the crook of Brittany's neck.
Could it be that simple?
Maybe…
Maybe definitely not but it didn't matter. She didn't know what they were or could become.
All she knew right at that moment was that Brittany liked her back in the same way and that it wasn't her lonely secret anymore.
Brittany…
She didn't know what it was about this town but time literally seemed to fly ever since she had moved there. Maybe it was because now there was a baby amongst them. Baby Adeline sure kept everyone on their feet.
She cried all the time. And not that cute little baby cry you'd imagine. She was a screamer. From the bottom of her lungs.
Whenever she and Santana went over to Quinn's house to keep her some company, they could hardly have a normal conversation, let alone talk about anything other than baby stuff.
Brittany didn't really mind. This was Quinn's life now. Whenever she wasn't at school she was home with her child. Jake tried to be there as often as possible, too but he still had football practice and got a job on the weekends to save some money.
At least Santana was able to actually help whenever they paid Quinn a visit. She knew how to change diapers, give the bottle or rock the baby to sleep. Brittany mostly just sat there and contributed small things like news from school or some goodies from the shop.
Brittany hardly found the time to work shifts there anymore because she focused on making sure she passed all her classes at school in order to graduate. After graduation she'd get to work more and earn some extra cash she could save up. They already offered to give her more shifts at the shop once the finals were over.
That was it… the end of school year was just around the corner. Brittany still couldn't believe it. She was about to leave school behind. To throw that stupid hat while standing on stage.
That was her motivation to study and turn in all the assignments. Of course she would have preferred to hang out with Santana a lot more. To go to their favorite spot, join her during one of her shifts at Schuester's just to ogle at her in her cute uniform. However graduating was more important in order to get her life into the direction she wanted it.
Because she knew what she wanted. Clear as day. She wanted to dance. On a stage. In front of an audience.
Nothing had changed about that.
It was still her dream.
Then why did it physically ache in her chest when she pictured it? Whenever she pictured herself moving to a bigger city, going on auditions, maybe getting a well-paid job, she couldn't ignore the ache in her chest because it meant that she wasn't going to be with Santana.
At least not for a certain time. If she became successful and rich one day, she'd come back and buy a house for Santana and her brothers so they wouldn't have to live with their father anymore.
Maybe it sounded crazy if she spoke it out loud. To her it was a serious plan.
/
For baby Adeline's first month on earth Quinn and Jake invited everyone to the Schuester's for some ice cream. Santana and Iker were there, Jake's parents and Quinn's mom, as well as some of Jake's football friends.
Mr. Fabray had to prepare a sermon which everybody knew was just an excuse but Quinn did her best not to show her disappointment when she raised her glass.
"I know it's a little exaggerated to have a first month celebration party but we really felt like thanking you guys. A year ago I had no idea what turns my life was going to take… It hasn't been easy to be going back to school but the way everyone here supported us has been so helpful."
Brittany watched how Quinn and Santana exchanged a loving smile. It was unusual to see Santana at the restaurant but not behind the counter. She looked so carefree that day. Sharing a big cup of ice cream with her little brother, her hair open and wavy instead of the tight ponytail.
They spent some cheerful hours all together until it was time to head home. Brittany gladly drove Santana and Iker back to their house if it meant that she'd get to spend a couple more minutes with the brunette.
Once Iker jumped out of the truck and disappeared inside, they lapsed into silence. It was never awesome to say goodbye but that night, Brittany felt a bittersweet sensation in her heart when Santana looked at her like that.
"Don't do that…" Brittany whispered.
Santana shrugged with a soft smile.
"What?"
"Look at me with those eyes."
She chuckled.
"Sorry, I don't have any others."
Brittany playfully clicked her tongue, then reached out to take Santana's cold fingers into her hand.
"I mean when you give me that look… like you don't want me to go."
"I don't want you to go."
Santana squeezed her fingers. Brittany gave her a pointed look.
"I could never stay over. Me and you in bed while there's also your little brother in the same room?"
They both chuckled at the thought. It was frustrating… They couldn't sleep over at Santana's house because of her brother but they also couldn't stay at the trailer because Brittany's bed was the tiniest bed she had ever seen. It was barely big enough for one person.
"I just really miss you at night." Santana confessed before she leaned over the center console and pecked Brittany on the lips.
The rush of butterflies was ridiculous but she couldn't help it. The thought of spending a night with Santana was thrilling even though it wasn't going to happen anytime soon.
"We could go to a motel" She suggested with a wink. She wasn't even kidding. The soft lips against her own made her say and feel all kinds of truths.
Santana hummed sweetly. She must have liked the idea.
They kissed for several minutes until they heard a noise coming from the house. When they pulled apart, Brittany could see the flush on Santana's cheeks and feel it on her own.
Santana grabbed her jacket and opened the passenger door. With another impish grin she got out of the truck. Before she walked off she turned around once more and supported herself on the rolled down window.
"It might take me a couple more shifts…" She said in a secretive way. Brittany narrowed her eyes, trying to follow. "For a night at the motel. Because we're not taking the cheapest one."
Brittany's jaw inevitably dropped when Santana said nothing else but gave her another wink and then walked off.
That girl… Brittany watched her climbing the few steps to the front porch and how she threw a look over her shoulder before disappearing inside.
She was crazy about her…
Whenever they shared those little moments, she fell for her more.
/
Only a few short weeks later Brittany couldn't believe what she was holding in her hands. It was shiny and she loved the smell of freshly printed pages.
Her copy of the yearbook was like a gold medal to her. The first person she showed it to was aunt Patty.
When she opened the page with Brittany's picture on it, her eyes widened. For a second Brittany pictured it was her mother sitting in that plastic chair outside the trailer. Their resemblance still overwhelmed her sometimes.
It stung a little bit. The fact that she couldn't share something so important with her mom. But the way aunt Patty giggled at her senior quote and then got up to give Brittany a hug was everything she needed at that moment.
Later that day she watched Santana writing something into her yearbook while standing next to her locker. She made Brittany promise not to read it before she got home when she handed it back.
"I have no idea how I'm gonna survive another year at this place without you." Santana muttered when they both just stood there, leaning against the lockers.
"You'll be fine. You survived all the years before me."
Santana smiled.
"Yeah… somehow they all seem a little meaningless now."
Brittany swallowed. She hated to see Santana sad. The brunette didn't show her true feelings about Brittany finishing high school before her often.
"What about me, huh?" Brittany nudged Santana's side. "Who's going to make sure I don't mix up the numbers when I have to pay all the bills on my own out there or fill out some important forms."
Santana chuckled.
"You'll be fine, too." She whispered knowingly.
They gazed into each other's eyes for another moment until some of Brittany's cheerleader friends showed up and circled them.
They babbled something about a goodbye party on Friday night and how everyone and all the cute guys were going to be there.
Brittany pretended to be thrilled, too when they started making plans about what they were going to wear and who they wanted to make out with.
Luckily Quinn showed up right before Brittany got pulled away so she didn't leave Santana all alone. She threw a look over her shoulder just in time to see Quinn squeezing Santana's shoulder compassionately.
This sucked so badly.
All she wanted was to go after her dream and spend time with Santana. Without having to say goodbye to her. Ever.
She wasn't really following the conversation the other cheerios were having when they made their way to the last practice. She didn't even know how she managed to go through with it. Her mind kept drifting off to the conversation she had with Santana and if it was really worth it to head into an unknown life all on her own with nothing.
She was used to it though… she knew she could make it. She always had in the past.
But could she truly become happy?
When she was lying in her tiny bed hours later, she pulled the yearbook out of her backpack. Soon she found Santana's pretty handwriting inside.
Like Whitney and Kevin…
I love you.
Instant tears formed in her eyes. Her heart nearly burst but felt so sore at the same time.
She hugged the book tightly against her chest while she stared up at the ceiling of the trailer.
She had never felt such heartache in her life before.
I'm very sorry for the long wait!
Hope you enjoyed.
bobbieyoung