9:37 DRAGON - The New Year Begins

Cullen rolled over to face her.

She was, of course , facing away from him. Her back was smooth, minus the few scars she'd picked up tussling with apostates and who knows what else Meredith had sent her out to deal with, and her hair was quite pretty. A burnt blonde that reminded him of gold coins the way it was piled messily on her pillow.

Her hair wasn't normally this curly, and in this lighting it seemed darker. He suddenly had the urge to reach out and run his hands through it, but he held back. That would be too needy. He shouldn't be too needy.

Her shoulders were slowly rising and falling with each breath, and Cullen realized he had been holding his.

Why are you like this Rutherford?

He breathed out, and turned onto his back, staring at the decadently upholstered ceiling.

It was tiring, this meeting in secret and dallying as if they were teenagers. Not to mention it was getting expensive. Hightown's Inn wasn't exactly cheap.

Weren't they both beyond this type of relationship? He was getting too old for it. He wanted to take things to the next level, get serious. Templars could get married, with special permission of course, and he was certain Ruvena would want to.

Who wouldn't want to be married?

Besides, his sisters and mother had been pestering him to find a wife. It was difficult, trying to explain to them about his work in Kirkwall, but he hoped they understood by now how precarious the situation was with all of Ferelden's circles. He had explained in his last letter that they shouldn't be worrying about him finding a wife so much as they should keep an eye out for any strange mage activity. There were more important things he had to worry about as Knight Captain of Kirkwall.

But their words were starting to weigh on him.

Ever since the incident at Ferelden's circle they'd been hypersensitive to his well being, to the point he'd put off reading their letters when they arrived. He wished they'd stop with all the "take care of yourself" and "rest more" , and "talk to someone" nonsense. He wasn't a scared eighteen year old anymore, he'd grown dammit!

He pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed out, he'd gone and riled himself up again and he felt very stupid.

There was a sudden banging at the door, and Ruvena groaned, grabbing her pillow and smashing it over her head.

"We still have an hour!" she yelled, but her voice was muffled through the pillow. Cullen sighed and rolled out of bed, quickly pulling on his trousers before cracking the door open.

The flustered Innkeeper seemed to be trying his best not to be intimidated by the templar, and was refusing to make eye contact.

"Erm, ser, there is someone downstairs that insists on seeing-"

"Pardon? What?" Cullen stuttered, and his stomach dropped. Who could possibly know they were here? He looked over his shoulder at Ruvena, and she was now sitting up in the bed, her brows furrowed.

"Erm, the…" the Innkeeper wrung his fingers together and gulped, his voice barely above a whisper, "The Knight Commander."

"Shit," Ruvena spat, jumping out of the bed and hastily pulling on her dress. They'd both left their armor at the Gallows. No one could have known they had snuck off for some alone time in Hightown's Inn, yet here they were, about to be raked over the coals by Meredith.

Ruvena stomped over and slammed the door shut in the Innkeeper's face before rounding on Cullen, "Did you let it slip? Fess up!"

"I did not! What do you take me for?" Cullen argued, grabbing his clothing from the floor and pulling it on as quickly as he could. He had spent a decent amount of coin to insure they're privacy wasn't threatened, "Why would you accuse me of that?"

Ruvena grumbled under her breath and ignored his question, tapping her foot angrily. She was so hot headed, so mistrustful.

She also looked comical in a dress, he thought.

Her gaze shot up at him, as if she had read his mind, and she frowned, "Hurry up, might as well get this over with."

Cullen and Ruvena walked awkwardly down the stairs, trying to stay as far from each other as possible, but it was quite obvious they had been caught, literally, with their pants down.

Knight-Commander Meredith's gaze was unreadable, her crystal blue eyes burning a hole through Cullen's.

"You're both needed at the Gallows," she commanded, "and do stop acting like kittens who've gotten into the milk, we all know what you've both been up to."

Cullen could hear Ruvena's teeth gritting, and he cleared his throat, "Of course Knight Commander."

Meredith appraised them both disappointedly and clicked her tongue before turning on her heel and tossing a coin into the orphan's box, "Be armored and ready within the hour, we have work to do."

The Inn door slammed shut behind her, and a few of the patrons gave them curious looks before returning over enthusiastically to their meals.

Ruvena cursed, and followed after the Knight Commander without a second word or look to Cullen.

He once again found himself alone, and tried to ignore the utter emptiness throbbing in his chest. He always felt this way, after their sporadic rendezvous. He looked up, and caught the Innkeeper's nervous eye. Cullen forced a smile and gave the Innkeeper some extra gold for the disruption before following after Ruvena.

At least they weren't in trouble, for now.

His boots clacked against Hightown's perfectly tiled streets and he marveled at the jaw dropping buildings and enormous structures. It seemed as if every other window was gilded with gold, or copper, and he couldn't fathom how anyone could afford it. It had been years since he'd left Honnleath, and he still couldn't get over how awe inspiring Kirkwall was.

Yet when he entered the Gallows courtyard, and his eyes fell on the grieving statues of Tevinter slaves, his thoughts suddenly returned to Meredith, and a dark cloud fell over him.

It was hard predicting Meredith's behavior. She had grown erratic in recent months, and it was beginning to frighten him. He agreed that the mages shouldn't be trusted, he had learnt that lesson the hard way, but she had grown so harsh. It was becoming harder for him to explain her actions, and even harder for him to look the other way. Her strange and frenzied orders were even starting to worry the more devoted and dogmatic templars in the Gallows, and he'd found himself defending her more and more than he'd like to admit.

Hopefully this isn't just another one of her paranoid stakeouts again, he thought bitterly.

Kena's lungs burned, but she couldn't stop running.

She would never escape the demons, she knew that now. She was marked for life. Nothing but a scarred vessel that every demon in the fade was salivating at the chance to ride in.

What was the point of being saved if she'd be hounded by demons forever?

A bolt of pain flew up her leg, and it seized up, her atrophied muscles finally reaching their breaking point. She tumbled into a tree, her shoulder colliding painfully with the rough bark.

She cursed, and slid to the forest floor, wheezing and hopeless and too tired to cry.

Galel was calling for her, his footfalls echoing against the forest floor behind her, but she didn't care. She needed to be alone. To find a place so far from the chantry she could never be imprisoned again.

And if she was taken by a demon, well, at least she'd only be able to hurt herself.

"Kena!" Jowan called, he sounded close, "Please stop running!"

"Fuck off…" she whispered to herself. Her shoulder was beginning to bleed, and her legs were coated in half frozen mud.

How are you this pathetic, Amell…

"Maker!" Jowan blurted out, crashing through the trees and skidding to his knees beside her. He tried to help her up, but she shoved his hands away.

"Leave me alone!" she yelled, forcing herself back to her feet. She moved to run again, but a jolt of pain flew up her ankle and sent her reeling against the tree again.

"Shit!"

"Kena-"

"What do you care?" she snapped, glaring at Jowan. She'd long imagined meeting him again, fantasized about swearing at him and clawing at his face until he bled.

She wanted to hate him. She wanted him to act as if he'd forgotten all about her so she could tear into him and satisfy her desire for revenge. But how could she now? When he was in front of her, eyes wide with concern and begging her to allow him to help.

He seemed so sincere, but it was all wrong. She had to hate him, for everything that had happened.

"I'm sorry, I- I-" he began stuttering, cursing under his breath, "Kena, I'm sorry."

Galel and Lily ran up to them, and Kena's eyes began to burn. Why did she have to cry now? She looked down, anger and humiliation swirling into an incomprehensible rage.

"Leave me be," she begged, her voice barely a whisper.

"But-" Jowan began, but he was stopped by a rough hand on his shoulder.

"I'll handle this," said Galel, his face like stone, "take Lily back to camp."

Jowan opened his mouth to protest, but a single shake of Galel's head shut him up.

"It's alright Kena, you don't have to run-" Lily whispered, trying to comfort her friend, but Kena covered her ears.

"I… don't want to hear it," Kena wheezed and she dropped her hands into her lap in defeat. She wished they would just leave her alone.

Jowan grabbed Lily's hand and Lily relented, allowing herself to be lead from the forest.

Then, there was blissful silence and Kena tried to ignore the looming figure of the elf beside her.

"You always handle Jowan's problems?" she finally joked, "Though I suppose I'm not really his problem anymore."

"You are his friend," said Galel, helping her onto a nearby rock before examining her ankle, "you've sprained it."

"Great," she scoffed, "can't even walk without failing."

"I'll need to patch it up," he said, and wrapped his large hands around her ankle. Kena felt a strange prickling sensation permeate her skin, and a soft green glow diffused from his hand and warmed her bones. It was a comfort she hadn't felt in a long time, and her muscles relaxed.

Galel released her, and she felt a pang of sadness at the return of the cold.

He stood up, offering his hand to her, "Let's see how that feels."

She eyeballed his hand warily, again, but this time she took it, allowing herself to be pulled up. She balanced on her heel, and the pain was nothing but a dull ache now.

Kena realized she was still squeezing his hand and quickly let go, backing away, "What's the point in helping me, I'll be possessed sooner or later."

She felt tears streaming down her face, and she hated how emotional she was being. Why did it feel like she couldn't help but cry at everything now?

Galel sighed, "Your emotions are heightened now, with time, you'll feel more balanced again, more norm-"

"Don't say normal," she spat, "I'm walking demon bait, that's not normal."

"Fine then," he retorted, frustrated at her pessimism, "there is no hope, you'll languish, and fail, and sooner or later you'll be possessed by demons or killed by templars. Is that what you want to hear?"

Amell angrily wiped her eyes on her sleeve and shoved past him, but he grabbed her around the shoulders and spun her to face him.

"Let me go!" she protested, squirming under his grasp.

"Not until you calm down," he warned, "do you want to attract more demons?"

Amell reluctantly gave in and stared into his face, and as if he could sense her apprehension, he let her go and took a step back.

She was caught off guard. She hadn't had her wishes respected in so long, she wasn't sure what to do, but she appreciated it. For now it seemed he was the only person around her who understood what she was feeling, however strange that may be.

"You're right," she finally muttered, wiping her face on her sleeve, "I just feel so, so crazy right now."

"You were possessed, most don't come back from that," he said, and his voice was comforting, "you'll need to learn to, adapt, and with time you'll get better."

Amell sniffed, she didn't believe him of course, but he seemed to think there was hope. Maybe the Dalish knew things they didn't. She hoped so.

He breathed out, and she looked up at him again.

"We need to get back to camp, it isn't safe here," he said.

"I know," she muttered, wiping her tears away, "I'm sorry."

He twisted his mouth into a half smile, and held out his arm, "Be careful on that foot still, we'll walk slowly."

Jowan and Lily began packing in silence. Galel and Kena were taking longer than expected, and he was beginning to worry.

"Do you think she's very angry with me?" he finally blurted out.

Lily paused in the middle of folding a bedroll, she bit her lip and seemed reluctant to answer. Jowan groaned, grabbing his head and plopping to the ground, "She hates me."

"She doesn't… hate you," Lily said, but Jowan could tell it was a lie. She finished folding the bedroll, and sat beside him, "Aeonar was torture, but Kena…"

"I'm so sorry Lily," said Jowan, reaching for her hand, but Lily pulled instinctually away. Jowan felt his throat tighten, and he quickly clasped his hands together in his lap. Did Lily hate him too?

"I'm sorry Jowan," she said, reaching for his hand and squeezing it, "it was just a reflex. Aeonar was more horrible than you can imagine, but the mages, they had it worst of all."

Jowan squeezed Lily's hand, grateful she seemed to have forgiven him, and he never wanted to let go again.

But he was also curious. What had happened at Aeonar?

"What did they do to you? To Kena?" he asked quietly, "She seemed so broken."

Lily shuddered, "Awful things."

"Tell me, whatever it is you're willing to I mean," he insisted, "I want to understand."

Lily looked at him, tears in her eyes, and she began to recount the story. From the moment they left the Circle Tower, until the day they arrived at Aeonar.

She explained how Kena had immediately been dragged to the testing chamber and forced into a nightmare with a demon. She told Jowan how she had also been whipped, and lashed, and cut, all because she had been lover to a known malificar, and that meant she might be possessed as well.

Jowan's face burned with shame, and he felt sick at the thought of Lily being punished because of him.

But Lily's tests waned after a few months, just the occasional prick, and prod, to make sure she was still only human.

Yet Kena was continuously tested, and punished, and torn at until Lily had lost track of how many times she was dragged off and brought back bloody.

Jowan learned of the starvation, the beatings, the forced Harrowings, and he learned of Gustav, what he had almost done to Kena.

Lily recounted their killing of a naive Templar named Harud, who just wouldn't let them go.

His stomach churned, and he felt bile creeping into his throat.

Lily took a deep breath, and Jowan realized his hand had gone numb from how hard she squeezed, "I have scars Jowan, but Kena's mind… no one can endure such pain without changing. I don't know if she really hates you, but I don't think she can remember how to care about you either."

Jowan nodded quietly, his stomach churning, "She blames me for leaving her behind."

Lily was quiet, "I think so, because you did Jowan. You didn't even look her way… you must understand how she felt."

"I thought she'd follow!" Jowan protested, but he wasn't sure if that was the truth. He'd convinced himself it was over the years, he promised himself that he didn't realize she'd stayed behind.

But he did realize she stayed behind, if he was being honest with himself. He was too humiliated and hurt at Lily's rejection that he ran. Without thinking of what he'd dragged his oldest and closest friend into. She was practically his sister, he should have grabbed her, and pulled her out of the stupor he'd left her in.

"She was shocked you used blood magic," said Lily, and she spat at the last word, "blood magic. It nearly took everything from us." She turned to him, and cradled his face in her free hand, "You've given it up, haven't you?"

Jowan swallowed hard, "I swear it. I haven't touched it since that day."

Lily let out a shuddered breath of relief and rested her head on his shoulder, "Thank the Maker."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and felt nervous. He hadn't touched blood magic, but Galel had. He'd stood by while Galel delved into the magic, for him. To save his lover, his friend.

He opened his mouth to tell Lily, but no sound would come, and he closed his mouth again. It was something she didn't need to know, ever, especially not now after he had just gotten her back.

There was rustling through the trees, and Galel emerged with Amell on his arm.

A pang of jealousy shot through Jowan. She was letting a stranger help her, but not her best friend? Her brother?

Jowan forced the feelings down and smiled, trying to appear friendly, but Amell kept her head down, letting go of Galel and heading straight for the fire where she plopped down and began warming her hands and feet in silence.

Lily squeezed Jowan's hand one last time, and went to join Kena by the fire.

Jowan bit the inside of his mouth and stomped to the opposite side of the camp where he began angrily packing again.

"She'll be fine," Galel whispered to him, and he began to help pack as well, "but the possession scarred her. She'll attract demons more easily now, she'll need time to recover."

Galel looked over his shoulder quickly, before turning back to Jowan, his voice even lower now, "She needs to regain control of her emotions, so it's best not to agitate her. Let her come to you, when she's ready."

His voice was so low, Jowan had a hard time hearing it, and he felt his chest tighten at the mention of possession.

Jowan hadn't realized she was possessed. His vision began spinning. He grabbed onto Galel's shoulder for support, unsure of what to say or do. He looked at Lily and Kena, hunched by the fire in silence, and he was consumed with guilt.

Galel placed his hand over Jowan's, and squeezed it reassuringly, and both men finished packing the camp in silence.

A/N: Thank you all for reading! I keep forgetting to update here, I usually update over on Archive of our Own. I appreciate you all, thank you for the comments and favs and alerts!