Searching
It was a cold flight.
Many, many waking-cycles had passed since she left behind and closed the den-cave in which her sire-father now lay and would be forever undisturbed.
But after so long, why did the cold inside not leave her liver? It was hard to forget and let go of not only the ranges she knew but also both her sire-father and dam-mother. There was no one else in her life-flight anymore since she had no nestmates.
No close kin. No one to want her.
She flew on through the winding, glowing caverns while thinking on her life-problem and searching for better.
Entire waking-cycles were used doing nothing except hunting, swimming, sleeping, and trying to not think. Flying her thoughts back to the good past was too chilling.
Her dreams were filled with the sight of her sire-father dead in the den. His empty eyes were staring into her in accusation or sorrow; it was hard to tell those apart.
Hunting and ranging helped to not think about that. It helped her not feel the loss and the guilt.
She had to have done something wrong as a hatchling or fledgling. Probably asking too many questions and too much wanting to play with him. He must have been frustrated with her. That must be why he went away and could not come back to be a sire-father to her.
But he had spoken with her every few waking-cycles once she learned to hear his thought-voice in her dreams. He kept much from her, but that was fair of him. They had been together from afar until his strength had faded too much and his thought-voice went silent.
That was something about their kind that she had never understood. She had her hiding-fire and could fade from sight just like all of the light wings. She could feel and see life-fires, also like the light wings. But she could also hear thoughts and use thought-speak, which the light wings could not do, as far as she knew. She also had tail-twisted dreams which she could not understand.
She was different from the light wings.
Was that going to be a problem for her? Would they turn tail and not accept her because of how different she was?
Was that why her sire-father had left, even if he would never say such to her? Was her being a mixed-kin part of why he had to leave?
She glided down from the chill sky and touched down on a faintly glowing light-rock. She sat down for rest and stared into the clear rock that burned with light. It was the only source of light in this long passage over still waters and ice. This place marked the boundary of the ice-ranges that she knew, since she had never flown from this point into the beyond which was unknown to her.
The light-rock felt warm on her paws and tail, so she then lay fully down on her belly to soak in the warmth. She felt warmer and stronger the longer she stayed there while resting.
The silence was filled with her warm purring as her thoughts of curiosity started taking flight.
How did a rock make light? There is no life-fire in it. The rocks were cold and dead outside but...
Her ears fell when she saw a similarity between the light-rock and something else that was chilled on the outside. Her own life-fire and liver were cold.
But they were not an empty cold though. There was still the warmth of hope.
There was a light still burning in her life-fire.
Sire-father had come back by the end, and he had cared for her, in his own way. He had asked for forgiveness for any hurts that he had done to her, and she gladly gave him that now, even in his death.
He would not have wanted her to stay in the old ranges where she hatched and fledged. No, he would want her to fly on her own now and stay strong; he had said as much when he flew away long ago.
There were no light wing packs in that range where she grew, though there were other kin. The other kin were frustrating and not truly like her.
The times when far-flying light wings passed through her range had been good since she could speak with those kin and learn from them! If only there were light wings like her: fledglings. She could fly with them, play with them, and bond with them as friends.
Being wanted would be so good.
She hopped to her paws and stretched wide her wings while staring ahead toward the passageway. There was a distant light far ahead in the darkness. Light meant hope and clarity and warmth.
And hopefully others in a new range where she could live.
The ranges ahead were unknown, mysterious, and possibly dangerous.
She roared with defiance and flew ahead into the darkness.
She looked out from under her dam-mother's purple wing while chewing on the big fish. Staying here was good because it was safe and warm. This place at dam-mother's side was also where the big fish was. Very good!
But she was curious about something and had finally figured out what to ask about!
"Dam-mother?" she lifted her head and chirped.
"Yes, little one?" dam-mother asked after yawning.
"I am question!" she bounced on her paws.
"You have a question? You always do. Great. One question or many?" dam-mother asked.
"One question!"
"Fine. Ask the question."
She slithered out from under her dam-mother's purple wing. Then she hopped onto her dam-mother's back and gently pawed at her back that had no spines and was so very strange and different!
"Where you spines like me has?"
Dam-mother, so gentle and warm, rolled her off her back. She fell onto the cold ground and was pounced on by dam-mother in a belly-licking attack! So warming and fun! Playing was good!
But not getting answers was not so good...
"Dam-mother! Stoooooooop!" she yowled while thrashing her tail.
Dam-mother stopped the licking and then let her roll onto her belly.
"You have so many questions."
"Yes! I am questions!"
Dam-mother laughed, which made her laugh too! Laughing was fun and very liver-warming!
"You have questions. Sometimes I think you are a question. You want to know where my spines are?"
She could hunt and pin the answers she wanted! Yes! Very good!
She sat down on her rear and hummed up at dam-mother.
"Yes! Where they?"
Dam-mother sighed heavily and lay down with her paws around her.
"I do not have any soft spines like you. You know how your sire-father has spines and looks different from me in shape... more like you?"
That was a curious thing about sire-father. He did look very different from dam-mother. He was more like herself, which was good and made her happy and warm inside! But why was he not here now? He had been away for... time, it was so hard to know how much time... but he was going to fly back here, and that would be good!
"Yes," she chirped.
"That is why you have soft spines, and I do not. He gave you them when... he made your egg with me."
"And you not get soft spines too?"
Dam-mother huffed and rolled her eyes, "No, little one. That is not how life-making happens. Having an egg and hatchling does change life, but life does not change that much."
So amazing and wondering and strange. There was so much about life that she did not know yet!
Something growled. What was that? Was it dam-mother? No.
It was her belly! It had growled at her and reminded her that she was still hungry.
There was a chewed fish that needed eating, and she had to go eat it to make her belly not growl at her anymore! So she did, returning all her attention to the fish.
Satisfied with her belly big and filled with fish, she lay down at her dam-mother's chest and was covered by her tailfins. She purred in peace, except that there was something else she wanted!
"Dam-mother, story time!"
"A story? Fine. What about, little one?"
There were many things she wanted to hear about! Other light wings had flown past the cave recently, and that got her thinking about others!
"Other kin have packs! Where us pack?"
Dam-mother sighed heavily and tapped her back with her tailfins. So warming and snuggling!
"We have no bigger pack. The pack is you and me."
That was good, but it could be even gooder! She had an idea!
"You have pack before me?"
Dam-mother blinked and grumbled, "I did."
"We fly that pack now and see kin?"
"No. That pack is not good."
Not good? What did that mean? Why was it not good?
"Why not good?" she chirped.
"Little one, all I can say is that your sire-father flew to that pack to ask a question of them."
He had questions also! So good! Did she get her questions from him? Maybe so.
"Like me!"
"Yes, and no. He wanted them to do something for him. He made an offer to some of the light wings of the pack, and I left with him because... I wanted you."
Wanted! Yes! That was good! Of course dam-mother would want her. And sire-father wanted her too!
Wait. Something was twisted, so she wrinkled her nose in thought.
"But you not have me then."
"No, I did not. But I knew I would get you."
"How you get me? You catch my tail?"
Dam-mother shrugged, "No, he caught my tail, not that there was any chasing."
Catching tails and chasing was good and fun! Dam-mother played so much with her! If only dam-mother played more with sire-father too. If only sire-father was here more to play.
Where was he?
"What happen?"
"So many questions. Ours was more of an... agreement and a trade because I wanted out and wanted you," dam-mother whispered, nuzzling her.
Agreement? Trade? Those were big words she did not know much about.
"Out where? Out in big cave?"
"No, little one. That answer is one that we might never know."
Dam-mother did not know? What? That made her very curious!
"But I want know!"
"We should not know everything, little one. Maybe I will tell you when you are much bigger."
"Bigger? I big now!"
"Yes, but you should sleep now," dam-mother hummed.
Sleep? Did she have to?
She yawned widely, flicking her little teeth as he did so.
"Can I see sleep-story?"
Dam-mother lifted a wing and flamed her side and the rock ground so that both were warm and good to snuggle into! So she jumped into that warm place and snuggled against dam-mother's side in warmth as the wing went over her. Very good. She could sleep here.
"Yes, little one. You may see sleep-stories, only good ones though."
That was good. Sleep-stories were good. Sometimes she saw sire-father in them, and he even talked to her with her talking back in the sleep-story! Hopefully this would be one of those sleep-stories. Those such times were very good.
It had been so long, so many waking-cycles since she saw sire-father.
She woke up as the dream faded. Her sleep was blinked away until she saw all around her.
She was alone, resting in the pale light of a light-rock in a darker passage. She had not seen another kin in an entire waking-cycle, though she had not been flying much.
The aloneness was so very chilling right now.
The ice-range was much like the one that she knew from before. There were many rocks, bright and dark; small plants and mosses grew on the rocks by the water; and the water itself was ice in many places. The water and ice were still, and the sand was cold.
She was calmly sitting on her rear before the pack of the dominant kin in this range. Chillingly, the blue-feathered water-diving kin did not like her much. The largest two, the Alpha pair, glared her direction while their young bounded around in play behind their tails. The Alphas ruffled their wings, bared their teeth at her, and weaved their heads in threat-display.
She hummed softly to them, willing them to hear her thought-voice.
'No threat. Safe. Wanting range.'
The male blinked and grumbled, 'Fear different uncertain different wary you here no.'
The female hissed and bobbed her head, 'Danger big different yes us no you here no.'
'No threat...'
They snorted, 'Here you no you go yes go.'
She whined softly and bent her head in respect while watching the other blue-feathered water-diving kin around her. None of them were doing anything dangerous or threatening toward her, but they felt the same as the other kin. These kin were more like her and light wings in shape, except for the feathers, but their thinking was small and not... like her or the light wings.
She could not be warm in this range with them. They are not enough like her.
Keeping her head bowed low and without making any threat-display, she backed away from the Alphas and then took flight. A couple of the blue-feathered water-diving kin followed her into the sky, probably not to fight but rather to make sure that she flew off, which she did.
There was no lift in being angry at them. They were afraid of different kin. Probably because they were not as big and did not have scales.
Different kin had different strengths and needs. That these ones wanted to be on their own was understandable. She could not live a full, warm life with them anyway. At least there were other kin in these ranges.
The water was deep and the darkness was total. She was a very good swimmer and could trap her breath deep inside longer than other light wings.
That let her swim far, far deeper down into the blackness where the big fish... and other things... swam. Those big other things were hunters and prey, depending on who did the biting first. But she did not fear them. Nothing in the deep had ever bothered her or threatened her before.
One of the many-leg big-claw snappers was ahead of her on the ground. Her eyes were closed since there was almost no light down here, but she could see the prey.
Life glowed with light that the eyes could not see.
Crunch.
The snapper went into her belly.
That should be enough!
With the sixth snapper eaten, she turned for the above, kicking and swimming higher through the darkness. The water was so cold, but she only felt it from afar as a slight chill.
Her life-fire burned hotter than those of the light wings.
She kicked and swam up through the emptiness until the light began to grow far ahead.
But she felt something in the water.
A faint disturbance was near.
Her ear twitched as she further tucked her wings for safety.
Floating motionless in the cold, dark water. Eyes looked around while she felt for life with life-fire sight.
A large shape, bigger than she was, floated... crept... swam closer. Many long legs stretched out all around the hunter as if to reach out and strangle prey.
But it paused in the water and did not move to hunt her.
Its mind was very simple.
Fear, hunger, hunt, eat, rest, defend. Nothing more. No open sky, no hoping, no dreams, no yearning, no kinship.
Far simpler than any kin.
Its life-fire was so small, only a tiny spark compared to hers which was a roaring flame.
She bared teeth at the hunter in warning. The hunter turned to flee with a kick of its many long legs.
Fear was all it knew, even though it was bigger than her.
It was gone, vanished into the far deeps where it could hunt other things that were not her.
Then she turned back for the light and the surface, kicking and swimming higher and higher toward the crack in the ice.
A final beat of wings, and then she jumped from the water and landed on the thick ice. The light was dim, but it was far, far brighter than the darkness below.
She glared between her paws at the ice and the deeps under the ice. What else was down there? Sometimes she did not want to know.
There was a reason why most kin that hunt in the water keep to the shallows. Things like that many-legs hunter would catch kin if they could.
Then she shook herself dry, flamed herself for a little more warmth, and took to the sky.
She was still searching for a new home-range.
Light wings!
She stared ahead and roared softly with joy as she saw the white shapes far ahead in the new passage. These light wings, three males and two females, were diving at the water, their shots of fire killing the fish that swam below the surface. Those that emerged with dead fish hauled themselves onto the shore and dropped the fish there.
"Welcome! Greetings!" she roared.
The light wings started in surprise and turned to face her as she dove to land on the shore. She touched down on the cold sand and tucked her wings away.
Then the first shot of flame flew at her and hit her chest. She hopped back in surprise and alarm. The shot was not a truly hurting shot meant to burn. Rather, it was probably a warning flaming used against an intruder.
What did I do wrong?
The five light wings, their wings spread wide and teeth bared in threat, stalked closer to her. Their eyes were a mix of amazed, fearful, and angry. Their advance in display and threat touched her life-fire and stoked her liver.
She had greeted these light wings peacefully, but they flamed at her first! Did she do any wrong? Maybe she broke a greeting-custom she did not know about. It was always best to take responsibility for mistakes and learn to not make those mistakes again. She was surely at fault here. She was at fault whenever something went wrong.
"No threat! No fighting!" she cried and buried her paws in the sand.
A long peace followed as none of the light wings knew how to react.
"No threat? What are you?" one of the males growled.
"I am half light wing and half something else. I do not know what name my kind has," she answered.
"Are you a Far-Flier for a new pack?" another male growled.
With that, she understood what was happening. This is the range their pack flies in. They feared her because they thought she was a Far-Flier from another pack. They feared that she might bring a pack of her kind to take their place.
She bent her head toward them out of respect, and she knew what to say to help get them to trust.
"I am Skadi. I have no pack."
"Packless!" "Outcast!" "Wrong!" they cried in alarm.
"Why are you Packless? What did you do?" a female barked.
That was not what she expected to hear. She needed several wingbeats to understand. They thought she had been thrown out of a pack because she did something bad? Was that it?
"Nothing. I never had a pack," she hastily answered.
The light wings glanced to each other in confusion.
"Never had a pack?" "What?" "All have packs." "The Alone do not live." "Not possible."
Why did they doubt that anyone could live on their own? That was twisted of them. Yes, the ranges have danger, but that is true only for those who dive deep or fly into the danger. But it was also true that kin did not truly fight against her, so maybe they knew more about these ranges than she did.
"Yes, I lived very far from here. Many waking-cycles of flying. I had to leave that range because... it was too small for me. What are your names, good light wings?"
They looked confused by the question.
"We are the third, fourth, and fifth Fish-Hunters for the pack and our mates," a male answered.
"We are both Young-Watchers," one of the females answered, obviously for herself and the other female.
That they introduced themselves by pack-roles was twisted, but it appeared to be a pack-custom.
"Why did you fly into our skies?" a male asked.
She held up the end of her tail. While her tail and back had small, soft spines which light wings did not, her tailfins were almost the same as theirs. They were her kin because of her dam.
"I want to find a light wing pack to fly with and join," she purred.
The five light wings stepped back from her and bent down together to whisper. She could not hear what they were saying, but she could feel some of their thoughts even though she did not try to touch life-fires with them.
Fear. Uncertainty. Otherness. Not trust.
She blinked and restrained the growl and the whine. These light wings did not want her near them. Were there no ranges and packs that would accept her? Was she too different and always to be unwanted?
The light wings finished whispering together, came to some agreement, and then turned back to face her or otherwise to retrieve the caught fish. The largest male stepped forward with a wary hum.
"Packless one, we will not flame at your tail, but you are not welcome in the range of Lone-Tree-Pack. Leave."
She winced at another rejection. At least she could learn why or what she had done wrong.
"Why? Why will you not let me join?"
"Because you are not one of us. Also, the range has not much food, and we must catch for our own first."
"We cannot spare food for Others who do not work," a female added.
She almost snarled at them for being so dismissive of her. She could work! She could contribute to the pack! She could dive deep underwater and catch the big fish that a pure light wing could not! She could provide for the pack and deserve a place in the range!
But they rejected her, so they would not get the hunting she could do for them. That was fair. They deserved none of her help. They did not want her. It was their loss.
"You say that you want a pack to join with?" the male questioned.
"Yes," she answered, barely not hissing in anger.
He pointed with his tail toward a passageway with walls of ice and a sea of cold water. It was a dark passageway with no light-rocks.
"The Other pack of light wings is that way. You should speak with them. They might listen to you."
The remaining male and female picked up the last fish and then flew off after the other three light wings. She remained standing on the cold, sandy shore as the light wings continued away from the water.
She snorted in their direction after they were gone.
It was fair of any kin to be suspicious of strange kin appearing in their range and hunting grounds. But the rejection even after she explained herself was very hurting and chilling and rotted.
Perhaps they had tried to let others join their pack before, but those Packless ones had been false in the liver. If so, then that explained why these light wings did not give her a chance.
Maybe the next pack will be different.
That thought felt like it had little lift. To just fly into the range of the other pack and expect them to react differently was a bad plan. She did not know how the light wing packs lived and what customs they had.
A faint warmth began burning in her liver as she took deep, calm breaths. Giving up would not help at all.
First, I must learn how the pack lives, and then I can see how to be accepted.
She jumped and turned her flight for the dark passage.
Two other packs of kin, one of blue-feathered water-diving kin and the other of light wings, had not wanted her to stay in their ranges. They had not chased her away with fire and claws, but she was kept from their ranges. Other types of kin, though they were few, were not good for her to live with because they were simple in their thinking.
No, she had to roost with light wings. They had the same life-fire spark as she did. They had words like she did. Further, she was half light wing herself!
Why their thinking was so much... more than other kin and why they had words when other kin did not was a problem she could never pin an answer to.
The light began to grow again up ahead, which was a sign that she was probably getting close. While she was partly a light wing, she was also not a pure light wing. That difference, that different life-water that came from her sire-father, made her fading and hiding from eyes different. Her fade would last far longer than any light wing's fade would.
Now to learn about the pack!
A small ball of fire erupted before her. She spun through the fire and vanished from all eyes. Then she glided forth between the walls of ice, over the sea of cold water, and out into a massive chamber which was bigger than any she had flown in before.
There were a couple light wings standing guard and occasionally watching the entrance. They would not see her unless they looked with life-fire sight. Even that might not work since her hiding was special and better than theirs.
She still made sure to glide over them as silently as possible. That was easy because of how awe-making this range was. The top of the chamber was so high up, the ground had spikes of ice on the shore, the water was both ice and flowing water in different places, caves and crevices dotted the walls, and there were light-rocks that grew from the water and the walls.
The chamber split in two and went off in both directions up ahead. Despite being very cold, there was green from plants and small growing things in some places on the rocks, though not throughout the whole ice-range.
Her breath caught when she saw what she was truly looking for. More light wings were gathered as a pack up ahead on the rocks and high ledges that grew back into caves.
She touched down on a smaller light-rock across the cavern from where the pack roosted. She lay down on her belly and started watching to see what she could learn from afar. Life-fire sight would not help much from this distance.
Light wings flying on various duties she did not know about came and went throughout the waking-cycle.
There were a couple places which appeared significant in this range.
First was the largest light-rock that grew out of the slope where the pack roosted. A large male perched upon that light-rock. He had visible scars and a presence of power in the pack.
In the time she watched she saw two adult females land on the light-rock, approach the male, and show him fondness and liver-warmth. A couple males also landed further down the light-rock, approached the first male, and spoke briefly before flying off.
Dam-mother had explained some of how packs usually ordered themselves.
Those are probably the Alpha, his mates, and his Seconds.
The other important place she noticed was a high, normal cave that was above all the others. A lone light wing sat up there. That light wing, whatever its role, also received attention, since she counted several light wings that had flown up to briefly speak with it.
Several roars sounded from a passage, and she saw the approaching flight of light wings at the same wingbeat that the Alpha roared to them in greeting.
The flight carried several fish, mostly small ones, in their paws and teeth. They flew toward the pack and touched down on the ledge where most of the pack rested and which had caves.
She gasped and felt a warmth burn in her liver when four light wing younglings ran out from the caves and attacked the fish. One of the fish hunters flew over to the Alpha and bent his head while saying something. She watched carefully and saw that the Alpha's ears fell at whatever was said. Then the flight flew off again. The Alpha looked up to the heights and flew up to the highest ledge where the lone light wing perched. The two greeted each other and then vanished together into the cave.
What is happening?
Her tail swished on the light-rock while she thought about this pack. They lived in a good place from all that she could see, and there were many fish available to hunt in these waters. However, there looked like there was a problem, even though that problem was hidden from her right now.
Where there was a problem, there might be opportunity for her!
She jumped from the light-rock and, still hidden from all eyes, silently glided across the distance until she approached the highest ledge. She touched down as quietly as possible and crept forward along the rocky ledge while listening.
The two light wings were a male, certainly the Alpha, and a female.
"-what to do about it," the male grumbled.
"You have not been this chilled in a long time, Alpha," the female said.
"Alpha, what a pile of waste," the male snorted.
"That is not what an Alpha should say."
The Alpha groaned, and there was a thud, as if he collapsed in place.
What is this?
She crept closer until she could peek around the corner. Hopefully they would not see her eyes. Eyes did not hide in the sky when the kin was hiding from eyes, very oddly.
The Alpha male was resting on his belly. He was a strong male, probably the biggest in the pack from what she saw so far, and, as she saw before, had several hurt-marks on his side.
The female sat on her rear by his shoulder. But the female looked different from the others she had seen. She was so old that her scales were gone in places, leaving only the soft hide underneath. She was also thin, and her wings looked very weak. Her eyes were still intense and powerful with awareness and knowing.
The old female lifted a paw and gently pushed his shoulder.
"Get up, young one. You are an Alpha. Be strong. Your Oldest-Knower commands it!" she added with a chuckle.
The Alpha grumbled and got to his paws, reluctantly facing her as his tail was stilled.
"Strength is not the problem. Losing First-Fish-Hunter and Third-Ground-Prey-Hunter has hurt much. Their replacements are not as good as we need them to be."
"Yes, but that is life. The lost ones made mistakes, and we knew they took too many risks anyway. The other Fish-Hunters and Ground-Prey-Hunters learned from those mistakes. Bad happens."
She paused and huffed.
"You know what you could do to help the pack now that there is such need."
He hissed and paced, suddenly lashing his tail.
"They are Others! We cannot trust them after what they did!"
She saw the old light wing, the Oldest-Knower, roll her eyes, though the Alpha was not looking at her to see that.
"I agree. They will not have our true trust, but we can think about pack-truce for us to be stronger."
"They would only break it," he snorted.
"Maybe they would. But if we grow stronger than they grow stronger in that time, we will not fear that fight. We are more than them already."
"For now. But the waters are even more dangerous than they were before. The Far-Fliers still talk of hidden hunters with stinging tails. There is so much danger."
Oldest-Knower snorted and started walking out onto her ledge. Alpha followed her.
Do not see me.
She backed up as quietly as she could on her paws. She crouched up against the rock wall and breathed very softly, trusting in her fade.
"So have the Hunters, Fighters, and Fliers fly further and learn to hunt more in groups. You should think about what I said about the Other pack. We both know that some mushrooms can be good eating. Fish and ground-prey are not the only food. We could try to trade more with them."
Alpha grumbled and flicked his ears while staring out over the ledge toward his pack and the entire visible range of light-rocks, ice, and water.
"True, but trusting them is dangerous, even if I will not make the mistake he did."
He leaped off the ledge and glided down to his light-rock where one of his mates was waiting for him.
"As I know well. How could he make such a mistake?" Oldest-Knower whispered.
The old light wing ruffled her wings and looked around her ledge, so Skadi closed her eyes and held her breath. Then there was the sound of pawsteps as Oldest-Knower slowly stepped closer. It sounded like she was sniffing the air, or maybe that was only her regular breathing.
She did not know if she had been seen or if Oldest-Knower could see her with life-fire sight, hear her beating life-organ, or smell her scent. It was possible that this light wing was too old and had lost enough of her seeing, hearing, and smelling to not know that she was there.
The silence stretched out until Oldest-Knower snorted loudly and audibly spun around. She heard her walk across the ledge and lay down on her belly with a great groan.
Great lights, that was close!
Oldest-Knower's breaths calmed until she was probably asleep. That made her own departure easier.
Silently, she jumped from the ledge and glided away into the open sky.
She had heard enough to know how to wiggle into this pack and prove herself to them. This was a pack that hunted fish more than any ground-prey, but the pack was also having problems with hunting and catching enough food.
She was very good at hunting fish in the deep waters. That was her first way to prove herself as being worth accepting in the pack. Further, she knew who the two most important and powerful kin were in the pack.
She might have just found the pack she was looking for!
She had previously flown through these skies while invisible and hidden from all eyes. That flight was to learn more about this pack and see how she might wiggle into this pack.
There seemed to be two light wings in particular whom she would need to prove herself to.
First, the Alpha male, who had two mates she knew about and whom it appeared he was good to, and secondly the oldest light wing in the pack, a female whom all in the pack looked to with respect and went to for words of advice. Those two were the only true powers in the pack. Prove herself to them, and she would certainly have a place in the pack.
That was why she was now flying to the pack without hiding from their eyes and with a very big fish in her claws. She also planned to keep her thought-voice a secret, so as to not scare the light wings with how different she was. Her powers could probably be scary to others. Her appearance was different enough on its own.
The alarm and warning-roars started the moment she flew into their range-skies. Several light wings took to the sky to fly up near her. Their life-fires were filled with surprise, worry, and wariness.
"I will speak with your Alpha! I have a fish-gift!" she roared.
The light wings warily looked between themselves and to the big fish in her claws.
"Follow me!" one of the light wings called to her.
"Lead me!" she answered.
This was good. They were not flaming or snapping. Bringing a fish-gift was a very good idea.
They flew around her and led her flight toward the split in the range where the pack lived. Many light wings flew in the sky or landed beside the young in the caves. Almost the entire present pack was active and ready for whatever else happened.
Her escorts guided her to the glowing light-rock which extended out many tail-lengths into the open sky. On the rock stood the Alpha male and his two mates behind him.
She landed down the light-rock from him, took the fish in her jaws, walked toward him as his deep blue eyes glared at her, and then she dropped the big fish before her paws. Then she extended her wings and bent her head toward him. The Alpha warbled in surprise, his ears lifting, eyes softening, and tail swaying as he stared at the fish and her respect-signs.
"Alpha, I bend my wings to you in your pack-range," she purred.
"What is this? Why did you bring this big fish, strange almost light wing?" he hummed.
This was good. Questions were good. Questions were not immediate rejection.
"I brought the fish for you, your Oldest-Knower, or the young, whoever needs the fish most," she said and bent her head slightly toward him again.
Alpha, visibly surprised, hummed at that, "You have good ceremonies. How do you know about Oldest-Knower?"
Hide the truth or speak truth? He probably would not know any of her false-signs, if there were any. On the other paw, speaking truth even if it was dangerous might get him to trust her.
"I flew faded in this range so I could learn your ways and speak to you with knowing."
Alpha stared at her, his tail twitching at his side. His eyes also narrowed slightly.
"You admit to being in our range before? Why did you do that? Trespassers in the range are fought."
Whether by plan or chance, several of the escorting light wings touched down on the ledge or passed overhead. None of them did anything violent to her, but they seemed to make sure that she knew they were there.
"Because the last pack I flew to would not give me a chance to speak to them. I knew nothing about them, and they flamed at me."
"What pack was that?"
She pointed with her tail to the path she flew from. Alpha must have immediately understood.
"Lone-Tree-Pack! The Others!"
"Yes, it was them."
"That you did not join them shows that you have good thinking," Alpha growled.
She agreed entirely. That other pack was not as warm as this one. It also helped her that he did not like that pack for whatever his reason was.
Then Alpha hummed warmly, "What is your pack-role?"
"I have no pack."
He blinked in surprise as his eyes narrowed again, "Were you forced from a pack?"
"No. I never had a pack. My sire left me and my dam in a far range to live on our own outside of all packs. Does this pack have a name?"
"Yes, we are the Ice-Water-Pack. What do you want? Why did you fly here?"
Now was the moment. They might not agree immediately, but she could make them see that she was good to allow in the pack.
"I do not want to be packless. I would join this pack, if you will let me."
Alpha sat there, humming to himself in thought when she heard a beat of wings drawing nearer to the Alpha's perch. She recognized this approaching light wing. Oldest-Knower slowly glided in and roughly touched down at the base of the rock. Then the old light wing groaned heavily with her steps as she walked closer.
"Oldest-Knower, what are you doing?" Alpha barked with concern.
"I am not too old to stretch my wings, young one! This kin is strange."
She picked up the fish in her jaws, slowly strode over to Oldest-Knower, and dropped the fish at her paws.
"The fish is for you or whoever needs it most," she purred.
Oldest-Knower purred and ate a mouthful of the fish. The rest she took in her mouth and gave to one of the Alpha's mates, who then flew off with the rest of the fish, probably to take to the caves and the young.
"Very good. You showed that you have good ceremonies and respect the Alpha and Oldest-Knower. But why are you here?" Oldest-Knower asked, leaning closer to her.
Something about Oldest-Knower's great age, weakness, and word-sharpness was liver-warming and made her want to trust. Trusting would also help her own purpose.
"I am liver-chilled that my sire died of age. I also want to find a pack I can fly with and do good in."
Oldest-Knower's eyes were tired and also kind, "You want to join our pack?"
"Yes, I do. It looks and feels like a good, warm pack. If you will let me fly here."
Oldest-Knower grumbled softly as she paced, thinking about these words, "We have lived here away from many other kin in... peace long now. We do not usually let others into the pack, but for you-"
Oldest-Knower glanced to Alpha and purred at him, "We should hear her words and maybe let her join the pack in a faster pack-joining ceremony."
"Why should we do it faster for her?" Alpha asked.
She purred, pleased that he, despite being Alpha and a strong male, would listen to the words of the oldest female in the pack.
"Because she already showed that she wants to do good for us. Others did not leave a catch for us without being told to."
"True."
Oldest-Knower slowly glanced back at her, "And because she has liver-chill. What is your name-role?"
"I am Skadi."
"Skadi? That is no pack-role name. What does it mean?"
She held back the whine of confusion, "I do not know if it has a meaning. My sire gave it to me. The name is me."
Oldest-Knower then turned to Alpha, "We should speak with Skadi alone."
Alpha roared brief commands to his mates, the flying light wings, and the light wings on the ledges nearby. All departed except for him and Oldest-Knower.
Oldest-Knower huffed, "Do your part of this ceremony, Alpha."
Alpha hummed and stepped before her, holding his shoulders proudly and looking her over. He was rather imposing, looking down on her as he was.
"You want to range with us? First, what are you? You are not a true light wing like us," he asked.
"No, I am not. My dam was a light wing. My sire was... I do not know if his kin-kind has a name. There was only one of him. He was..."
She took a breath.
"He was the Highest-Alpha of all the ranges."
Alpha blinked, but Oldest-Knower sharply inhaled at that news.
"He-Who-Remembers!" Oldest-Knower whispered.
"Yes, him. He... has... died," she whined and hung her head.
Oldest-Knower purred, leaned closer, and nuzzled her neck, "When?"
"Many, many waking-cycles ago... I do not know how many. I flew from that range where he died... in peace, and I have been looking for a new range and a pack to join with. The other kin are not like us. I could not have a warm life-flight with them. I want to join a pack of kin like me."
Oldest-Knower hummed, "We understand that. But we must also think about our pack. Best is for us to let others who are strong join the pack since they can contribute the most."
"I can work!"
Alpha then got to his paws, walked to her left side, nudged her shoulder and side, walked all the way behind her, stepped over her strong tail, walked around her other wing, and then stood beside Oldest-Knower. The attention and nudges were strange since no one had ever done that to her before.
He gave a grunt of approval, "You are probably a good swimmer. Is that true?"
She purred very deeply, pleased that he could see that about her mixed-kind of kin, "Very true. I am strong and a good swimmer, but I am not truly grown yet. I am not life-making grown."
"How close are you to being life-making grown?" he asked.
"Maybe one or two more life-making cycles. I cannot be sure, but I am almost that grown."
Oldest-Knower then looked at her own paws and warily asked, "Speak with truth. Do you have any life-will-power?"
"What is that?"
"Can you make things happen only by wanting them to happen?"
That was a twisting thought. She could hide in the sky, but that was probably not what Oldest-Knower meant, since all light wings could do that. There was one thing that she could make happen that other kin probably could not do.
"I can speak with thought-voice. And I can put my own thought-wishes in small-thinking life like prey."
They both silently stared, deep in thought.
"Can you do that to strong-thinking life like kin?" Alpha asked.
Could she put her own thought wishes in the life-fires and livers of other kin? No. That was not possible and would be wrong to do even if it was possible. Small-thinking life like prey was less than her, and using them in such a way was not bad at all. Big-thinking life had its own thoughts which were not to be twisted. Dam-mother had said something about that long ago.
"No, I cannot do that. One other thing that happens to me is that I have dreams that are very twisted. Those dreams are probably my own life-fire burning away twisted thoughts," she chuckled.
Oldest-Knower hummed, "If what you said is true, then you are very special. I do not know of kin that can do that. But you would have twisted, strange power from being of the Highest-Alpha's young. If you were to range with us as one of the pack, what would you do to provide? Would you take a pack-role?"
"I can catch fish in the deep waters that no light wings can swim to."
"The deep waters are very dangerous. We have... lost packmates to the deep hunters before," Alpha growled.
She could see and feel the sadness and the liver-chill behind his growl and his outward display of strength. He had probably lost one who was kin to him, maybe a hatchling or fledgling of his own. Or maybe his was the concern any Alpha would have for those he must protect. Alphas must protect all in the pack.
"I am different from light wings, and I have seen some deep hunters before. They see me and they flee me in fear."
Oldest-Knower then purred so deeply that she could feel it inside her chest, "They can feel and fear your life-will-power. That is why they do not hunt you."
That flew with what she remembered of her encounters in the deeps. Almost, anyway. There was how she could force her own thinking into their small-thinking and make them go away. But that was probably the same use of her power.
Oldest-Knower stepped over to Alpha and nudged his shoulder with her nose, "Alpha, what do you think?"
"Skadi could be good to let in the pack. She can do hunting that we cannot do," he answered.
"I agree. She is strong and would make the pack stronger. Skadi, do you have questions for us?"
This was going very well. Both the Oldest-Knower and the Alpha appeared to approve of her. But it would be good to learn more about the pack and its ceremonies.
"Yes, I have questions. First, why does the pack live here in this cold range?"
Alpha huffed, "We have lived here very long. This place also has... good fishing, normally. This is also far from most packs except... one: the Others. We like living on our own. Life is safer this way."
She knew that there was more that he was not saying, but she could not let on that she knew this. There was something else that she could ask about. There was a wrongness, an imbalance in the size of the pack.
There were fewer hatchlings and fledglings than there should probably be, from what she had seen so far.
"Where are the young of the pack? There should be more."
The Alpha and the Oldest-Knower hung their heads and stared at their paws. The answer to that question was certainly not a good one.
"Do you know of the Balance?" Oldest-Knower asked.
"No, what is it?"
"What are they-" Alpha growled.
Oldest-Knower sighed, "They are twisted-kin that are like us but not. They are more like the dark wings that are not anymore."
She blinked, "Dark wings, what are those?"
Alpha answered, "Dark wings are kin very much like us. They are different in body-shape, but they are so like us that dark wings and light wings could be good mates, though light wings and others do not usually mix."
Oldest-Knower growled and stared into the distance, "The Balance are hunters that tried to kill all dark wings. After the last living dark wings were hidden away, the Balance looked more to light wings for prey and hunting. Your sire helped many light wing packs kill the Balance, and hunted the Balance where he could, but much death happened. The light wings had to make packs for safety whereas they had lived more alone before. But with the Balance gone, life was not balanced. Some kinds of kin who have many eggs grew too fast and became too many for the ranges they lived in. That caused the great-much-fightings."
"I have not heard of those fightings."
"Then you are very lucky. Too many kin in a range means that they eat too much food and must leave or hunt each other for food. Very bad," Oldest-Knower whispered.
Alpha paused and waved a paw at the visible range, "You asked why the pack lives here and why we have fewer young than we would like. We flew far out here away from most other packs because of that fighting. We did not escape all violence and fighting. For one, we... had the strongest and fiercest males become Alphas and other leaders, because that was needed."
He paused for a few wingbeats.
"Life is harder out here where the prey is less and where we must have fewer hatchlings, but we do not have many. Scavengers sometimes try to take hatchlings; other hunters, both kin and not-kin, can take young or adults; and fighting or not-trusting with the Other pack has... stopped us from sharing food with them."
"That is very bad," she whined.
Alpha shrugged, "Three hatchlings living to be grown from every four eggs laid is not very bad."
Not very bad? That sounded bad to her, but she did not know how bad life had been before. Maybe three out of four surviving was not bad compared to what had been. The range that her sire-father and dam-mother had left her in had nothing that could have made her into prey.
Oldest-Knower hummed softly, "Life is difficult with less prey, and all of us must make sacrifices for the greater good of the pack. The strong or quick-thinking, those who win the tests, are the ones we let make eggs. We have pack-rules for egg-making."
She understood that painful lesson well enough. The need to sacrifice for the good of many was something that her own sire-father had lived, chilling though it was to her.
"I understand that life-lesson. You asked what I would do if you let me stay in the pack. What are the pack-roles?"
Alpha stretched and began explaining, "I am Alpha. My mates help with deciding on disagreements and bring me news I should know about. Other males are Far-Fliers, Fighters, Fish-Hunters, and Ground-Prey-Hunters. Females are Oldest-Knower, Old-Tenders, Egg-Watchers, Young-Watchers, and Plant-Tenders. Some females also help with hunting for ground-prey or fish, though not as their first work. Most roles have an order from the best light wing in each role to the last, if the role has contests for the order. Young who are not life-making mature have no role, though they practice many different roles for when they are grown."
She hummed, tail swaying as she thought about the pack-roles. That some roles had an order of the best or most experienced in each role was good. Presumably, those below the first had opportunities to move up if they learned more or did better in tests.
But, thinking about some of those roles made her wonder about a part of life that was still too far away to think about with any wanting or liver-fire. Even so, she also needed to know if the pack had any twisted ceremonies about this.
"What about mates? How does taking mates happen?"
"Are you asking about yourself?" Oldest-Knower hummed.
"Yes, I must know that before I agree to join the pack."
Alpha hummed and held his shoulders proudly, "I have two mates. Other males in the pack may only take one mate. I am Alpha, so I should have more."
"Fair, what else is there?" she hummed, wanting to know more of the customs.
Alpha continued after a pause, "No one must take a mate. Any male who forces a female is named Packless and thrown out of the pack. Four eggs only are allowed every other life-making cycle, and the eggs are only made by pairs the pack agrees to let make eggs. Each pair, once they have an egg or hatchling, is not required to have other pack-roles, though many still help some. Instead, they give much more time to their young one and can be... a good sire and dam."
The pack giving each pair the time they needed to be a good sire-father and dam-mother was... was very... yes... what should be.
"How does the pack agree on that egg-making? What are the rules?" she asked, very curious.
Alpha glanced at Oldest-Knower before answering, "The pack agrees on who by choosing a male in each male pack-role in order from first onward. The highest-order male in each role and his mate, whatever her role, can make an egg if they want, which they almost always do. However, a male who has a hatchling or a fledgling cannot be named again until their young is grown and in a pack-role."
She did not like how the females did not have the power to... earn the right to make an egg. Other than that problem, the way they described the pack-ceremony had lift as an egg-making plan. This plan would make a balance in the number of males in each role since there being too many in a role would mean more males would not have chances to make eggs. Those males would want to go to other roles where they have better chances.
But there were other problems she could see.
"So, there are no nestmates of almost the same age? No young have another young one from their sire and dam?"
Oldest-Knower chuffed, looking impressed, "You see well. The four allowed are raised very close to each other, almost like nestmates even though they are not life-water-kin. Mate-pairs commonly happen from inside that group of four, but there is no rule saying that must be."
"What if there are not-allowed eggs?" she warily asked.
Alpha and Oldest-Knower glanced at each other and hesitated slightly before answering.
"We have rules against that and plants to stop egg-making from happening. All must follow the pack's life-way. Eggs that are not allowed... must be destroyed, or the pair must leave the pack if they want to keep the egg," Alpha calmly explained.
She gasped and held in the growl at the thought of eggs... of unhatched hatchlings being killed for the wrong of just being. It was not the egg's fault that it was!
"Does that happen much: the egg destroying?"
"Not in a pawful of life-making cycles. A pair flew away from us after telling me that she was with egg. They wanted to keep it, so they left us in favor of the ranges beyond. That was their choice."
While she still did not like that ceremony, it had an understandable purpose. The pack custom around egg-making was more complex than only allowing each pair to do what they wanted, but the limited food and needs of the pack had to be considered. These ranges, like all others, only had so much available hunting.
But all this, interesting though it was, was not as important as one detail that very much concerned her.
"Must I take a mate?" she warily asked.
"No, as I said there is no pack-rule that anyone must have a mate. You are not a light wing like us, so we would not expect that you take a mate for the pack," Alpha grumbled.
That was a relief. Having a mate would probably be good eventually. But it was not important now.
She thought about what pack-roles might be best for her. She was very good at catching fish and swimming, and the chance to watch over young light wings was very liver-warming.
"Good, I can accept that. For pack-roles, I will be a Fish-Hunter and Young-Watcher if you let me stay in the pack," she purred.
"You do not mind being a Fish-Hunter even though the others are males?" Alpha huffed.
"No. Why would I? I am a very good fish hunter. Unless that is a problem for the pack."
Oldest-Knower and Alpha shared another glance until the elder female chuckled, "I do not see a problem with that. Well, Alpha, what do you say? Will you let her fly the faster pack-joining ceremony? I think we can do that for her."
He purred softly, "I have listened to your advice in many things, and I will not stop now. Skadi, you may fly the fast pack-joining ceremony."
It seemed too good to be true. They wanted her and would give her a chance! They could accept her even though she was different!
"What is in this ceremony?" she eagerly asked, tail swaying.
Oldest-Knower hummed and then nipped on Alpha's ear. The two walked away and whispered together while she waited for whatever they had to say. It was very hard to calm her burning liver!
Then they came back. Oldest-Knower looked amused while Alpha looked unamused.
"So?" she hesitantly asked.
Alpha spoke, "We will let you live here as if you are one of our pack. You will do those pack-roles you mentioned while others watch you. They will tell us after a pawful of waking-cycles how well you do and if you should have trust. Others will also watch you living with us for a pawful of waking-cycles. Then we... I will have one more test for you. Fly that flight well, and then we name you part of the pack in truth."
"Do I get to know what that other test is?"
Alpha grumbled while Oldest-Knower chuckled and stomped on the ground with a paw.
"Not now. It is something that could only help the pack. You must trust us on this," Oldest-Knower said.
That was fair. They would both trust the other some. Alpha and Oldest-Knower would trust her to freely allow her in the range and pack, and she would trust that they not have any twisted plans.
She agreed and bent her head to Alpha and then to Oldest-Knower, "I agree. May I ask where other light wings my age are? Where are the older fledglings? I want to find friends too."
Oldest-Knower purred and pointed with her tail down one of the larger paths.
"There are younger light wings more your age, almost life-making mature but not yet, at the far end of the range where there is warm water and a much warmer chamber with life and plants. That warmer chamber is a special place to the pack. The fledglings are probably there, and you should fly to them."
"I will," she purred.
She bent her head toward them again, stepped off the ledge with a happy roar, and took flight, following the path Oldest-Knower pointed her down.
The thought of other light wings the same age as her was very good and liver-warming. She wanted to find others she could play with and be friends with, not like she was speaking to elders and Alphas, whom she had to be always respectful and careful around. Knowing other more like her would also help the pack, beyond only Oldest-Knower and Alpha, trust her more.
Being wanted and having friends would be very, very good!