Author's Note – This has one of the most mature moments. It won't be especially lengthy or descriptive, but neither is it skipped over or faded out.

Assurance

She woke up with a yelp and racing breaths as she flew to her paws and looked around. His heavy weight on her back, his grunting, and the phantom pains faded as she realized she was alone in her cave-den, not the trap-cave with him there.

Alone. Safe. Only a twisted dream. Nothing to be afraid of. Nothing at all.

She calmed her breaths, relaxed, and lay down, her eyes heavy and everything weary.

"Waste pile."

Everything was not fine.

Sleep was not easily flying to her after what should have been three waking-cycles. Her thoughts were too confused and disturbed as she kept seeing either him or that foul egg. He was dead. The egg was out of her life forever, or at least until it needed to be moved to another pack.

Perhaps her disturbance was because the problem of the egg had not been permanently resolved, only delayed. The best solution she had come up with was she could make an agreement with either Deep-Pass-Pack or Shadow-Spark-Pack. Pack-peace had to be made with Deep-Pass-Pack before that would be possible with them. One of those packs had to have a pair, perhaps with life-making problems or any reason for another young one, that would be willing to claim the egg as part of a trade or maybe just as a gift for pack-peace.

But far more immediately concerning was how the memories of being trapped and in the former Alpha's trap-den had become more pronounced and more difficult to ignore as simply being part of the distant past. The dreams felt too real, as though she were back in the trap-den with him.

What had happened? She had not eaten any of the thought-twisting berries as a test of whether they influenced her ability to use her powers or did anything else. They probably had at least some effect, as he had been giving her fish fouled with those berries. Though, she had also been afraid back in his trap-den. That fear and inner-cold might have been what left her weakened or made the effect stronger. If strong enough fear could block life-will-powers, as might have happened to her back then, that fear could not be allowed to grow stronger, else her status could be threatened. Having power and self-trust was everything, so what was causing that greater fear?

The egg's existence was somehow related to the creeping fear. That much was certain as the fear returned only after the egg appeared. The egg was an imposition from the past, here to foul the present and always remind her of what had happened.

What was her life-fire trying to tell her with that growing fear?

She had been weak and vulnerable before, unprepared for his attack and with no way to resist him without being grounded, not to mention everything else that would have followed.

That the egg happened was like a betrayal by her own body. Some control came from the no-eggs-berries, which she had already started taking as part of normal life since her return. The peace of life-fire that control brought, knowing that her body would not and could not betray her for a time, was considerable even without any need, but was not sufficient on its own.

Having told Shatters-Columns to be the Beta for her while she was feeling unwell, she walked alone through the thicker forest filled with buzzing bugs, flowers of all colors, and various bushes. She needed time to herself to consider a possibility she was unsure about.

Her life-fire was probably trying to tell her that she could not lose control over part of her life again. She needed to face that fear and prove to herself that it was not stronger. Hiding from fear would only make the fear stronger. There was one way to prove her own strength.

Was the answer to be with a male for shared pleasure and to experience it by choice instead of what had happened? There were no reasons for mating except for egg-making or pleasure. The first reason would obviously be a distraction from greater purposes, but the pleasure was a part of life which she had been denied so far.

It was not fair that no one at Ice-Water-Pack had truly wanted her! Her being a mixed-kin had been a problem for them, even for Blue, one of her former friends.

She took a deep breath to steady herself and not whine in liver-chill. The present was not the same as the past. Ice-Water-Pack had expectations that no one would mix with any other strong-thinking kin. New-Flame-Pack, at least given its past life-sharing with the dark wings, did not have that objection. There had to be a male here who would be willing to give her pleasure.

Maybe it was not that simple. Going beyond the mist in the warmth-range to where others went was an option, but it was unlikely any male would be comfortable enough to be with her. As she was the Alpha, he would probably fear what she might do if he made a mistake, accidentally hurt her, or displeased her. That concern could perhaps be assuaged with enough reassurance about why she was there and what she wanted.

On the other paw, he did not have to agree to anything. It would be easy to force him to want to-

No. Tricking or forcing in this would be foul and rotted. Only a free agreement without any tricking or pressuring could be acceptable, not the least because that would mean he actually wanted to be with her. That true interest was surely important.

He would have to be grown, available, pleasing to look at, and not have any twisted ideas about females. The Firsts and either of her guards were not appropriate for this. There were several possible partners that came to mind, though she would have to ask subtle questions to learn for sure who was available and was not twisted in any way.

A colder thought fouled her consideration. Using mating for influence was what a former friend had done. That had felt wrong and twisted of Red back then, and it still did.

However, her own situation was completely different. She did not need to claim influence over males to gain status. This would be only influence over herself. It was also only fair that she too could enjoy a normal part of life which she had been denied so far because of what she was. No, she and Red were not at all the same, even if Red had better understood that to deny part of life and to not seize opportunity was to make herself weaker.

This had to happen for her own good. There was a chance letting any male be with her could be scary or feel twisted at first, but that would only be fear trying to foul her life-flight. Refusing to claim power over this part of life would leave her weaker and doubting herself in addition to not knowing what others enjoyed. She deserved at least some warmth after everything else she had been through.

After eating more of the no-eggs-berries, just to be more certain even though there was no need, she flew for the warmth-range within which was the place packmates could go. Having not yet flown to that area in the range, she did not know what to expect.

However, from subtle questions asked of packmates she had learned of a couple males who would occasionally fly there once their waking-cycle's duties were done, which was not far from now. One of those two males was the far better option given what she knew about him. Crushes-Rocks, as he had named himself, was one of the Fighters who had freely joined her side before she fought the prior Alpha, was younger but still mature, was pleasing in appearance, and was available, having no one he was exclusive with.

As far as who he was at liver, she was unsure, but none of that was important unless he was completely twisted or foul. She had not spoken to him while planning in secret to replace the former Alpha. It would be easy to determine if Crushes-Rocks was so twisted, which was unlikely. He had joined her side in the battle, and no one had accused him of anything improper.

She arrived at the warmth-range and, curious what was back there, continued past the steaming pools and through the mist. Well beyond the mist was an open area where the ground was moist and covered in dew. In the distance out to the end of the range were thick patches of trees, bushes, and mushrooms, all of which blocked the view.

Immediately before her was one visible packmate, a She-Hunter she recognized, resting by a series of boulders in the open area before the forest.

She landed and approached the She-Hunter, "Welcome, Sixth-She-Hunter."

Sixth-She-Hunter got to her paws and bent her head, "Alpha, warm flights. I have taken a name, Whispering-Melody."

She settled down, "Whispering-Melody. That is a liver-warming name. Are you waiting for someone?"

Whispering-Melody hummed, "My mate, Calls-Swirling-Flames, will be here soon once he is done with his duties for the waking-cycle."

"So pairs come here too?"

"We do. There is nowhere better to be together away from anyone else."

"Are the other places like the living-range bad?" she asked, never having stayed in them herself.

"Not bad for normal life, but there is no privacy for anything. Some did not care, mostly if they were the Alpha's favored and could get away with what they wanted. Maybe the problem is that we learned to always think we were being watched, and that made the caves feel smaller than they are," Whispering-Melody explained.

"I see how that would be a problem. How does this place work?"

"Those who are looking for attention wait out here and can agree with whoever they want. See the two biggest boulders?" Whispering-Melody gestured with a paw.

The two largest nearby boulders were both covered in moss, but were unremarkable other than there were on the nearby ground two shards taken from a broken, dead light-rock.

"What about them?"

"They mean each of the two biggest clearings over among the trees, the smaller boulder for the smaller clearing. If a pair comes here, they put one of the shards on a boulder to tell any others who arrive that the place is taken. No one gets bothered. It was your Beta's suggestion."

She purred in approval, unsurprised that Shatters-Columns had such a practical solution. It probably came from his leading the previously forbidden group and needing to have answers for problems they faced.

"He had a good idea. Are you not worried to wait here alone?"

"Not at all. The warm pools over there are within call if anyone is threatening."

Whispering-Melody glanced away before continuing, "I did not expect to see you here, unless you only wanted to learn how this works."

"Not only that. Why else does anyone fly here?" she chuckled.

"Are you waiting for someone?" Whispering-Melody asked in surprise.

"Hopefully."

"I will not ask."

She and Whispering-Melody spoke about various topics, such as changes to the pack and what the ranges beyond the pack were like, until Calls-Swirling-Flames arrived. He and Whispering-Melody nuzzled to greet each other and took flight for one of the clearings after he placed one of the shards on the larger boulder.

What must that feel like to have an equal with which to share a life-flight? No male could be her equal, so she almost certainly could not have the same life-sharing which others seemed to enjoy. Having life-will-powers when he did not meant that she would always be superior in that way. How could any male look at her, know the truth of what she could do, and not be afraid? No matter. That would not be a problem for agreed-on pleasure.

Waiting here was too boring. Having initiative was probably for the best, and that meant seeking him out.

She took flight and continued to the living-range, eventually arriving at it and finding where the Fighters were finishing their practice on the flat area where the pack regularly gathered. Both males and females were practicing together. Sleeps-In-The-Waterfall demonstrated to other She-Fighters how to battle against males.

She spotted the one particular Fighter she had come to speak to. Crushes-Rocks, now the pack's Eighth-Fighter, was sitting beside a pawful of other Fighters, waiting his turn for a round of practice. He had no major hurt-marks, carried himself well, and was about her size, roughly average among the Fighters.

She landed a distance from everyone else and called to him, 'Crushes-Rocks.'

He started in surprise, spun around, and strolled to her away from the other Fighters.

"Alpha," he said, bowing his head.

"Warm flights. How is the practice?"

"It is going well. We are almost finished for this waking-cycle."

"How are the She-Fighters? Are they adjusting?"

"Yes, but they still have much to learn," he huffed.

"Not a surprise. I am glad that you all are helping them. Tell me your thoughts about the changes to the pack. I want to hear your opinion."

He deeply hummed, "I much prefer this new pack. Everyone feels freer and safer than before. Some of us still fall into using old rules, like no-self words, but we are getting better. We, Fighters anyway, still talk about how you killed the last Alpha. Amazing. Do you need anything of me?"

She looked around to make sure no one was listening, "Yes, you can help. Being the Alpha is difficult. I have not been taking enough time for myself. I want pleasure. Are you interested?"

He froze, not immediately answering, "What?"

"You heard me. I find you pleasing to look at, and I know you fly beyond the mist in the warmth-range. I want to go there with you."

He remained motionless for several wingbeats, "Alpha, I-"

"Wait," she interrupted him, "I am not speaking as your Alpha and am not commanding you. You can refuse if you do not want this."

"I am not sure what to think about this offer. Is this a test?" he asked, looking elsewhere.

She shrugged, "On my wings, I am not trying to trick you. It is a simple question."

"Why me?"

"My reasons are my own. Well? Yes or no? Do not say yes only because you think I expect you to. You must want this."

Could he even want to be with her? Without knowing how other packmates agreed to be together, her offer might be far too direct, but hopefully there was no room for confusion by being so clear.

He hesitated before meeting her gaze, "I can do that. Yes."

He had to have his own interest in mind by accepting the offer, but that was fine and to be expected. Agreement was all that mattered.

She hummed, "Good. Do not tell anyone. You know where to find me once you are done here. We can talk more later."

"Later."

She left him to finish his practice, and she took flight, relieved that he had agreed. Going to speak to him had been the correct decision after all. Clear, honest talking without tricking or word-games got results.

Once back at the clearing and boulders, she noticed another female, a She-Far-Flier whom she knew had a life-mate, resting there. The She-Far-Flier was likely to see Crushes-Rocks arrive soon, but that did not matter. The pair from before had since finished and left.

She lay down to rest and wait for him to arrive. While waiting, she wondered what was best to do with him. Not knowing the best ways to be together, perhaps letting him lead would be most enjoyable, not least because that would mean she did not have to show how little she knew.

Thankfully, she did not have to wait too long, and he arrived, landed, and bounded to her.

"That was fast," she said.

"I was almost done there anyway, and did not want to keep you waiting."

"Which clearing is better? We have our choice," she asked with a nod toward the boulders.

He picked up one of the shards, placed it atop the smaller boulder, and stretched his wings. She took flight and flew deeper into the range with him at her side. The smaller of the two clearings looked like it had thicker surroundings and greener moss throughout. There was also a small stream at the far corner of the clearing.

She dove and touched down on the thick moss as he did the same and came to stand beside her and stretch. Alone with him, his scent was clear and pleasing, so much so that there was a confusing heat or need.

Slightly annoyed with herself, she spun on him and purred, "This is nice. I see why it is the better option. Before we do anything, I have some questions and rules for you."

He sat on his haunches and held his head high, "I am listening."

"You are not to boast or tell others about this. I do not want the bother of anyone else volunteering."

"I agree. May I make a rule for you?" he asked.

She hummed, "What do you want?"

"I heard that you can touch our life-fires with your thought-speak. Is that true?"

"It is."

"Will you not do that for this?"

Was he hiding anything? It was possible he secretly wanted to be with her even before now, or maybe he was worried she would not approve of his thoughts. Knowing his thoughts while he gave her pleasure might be safest, but it would also probably be confusing and twisted. Perhaps some amount of trust was necessary. No one had accused him of mistreating any former Helpers, and he did not come across as at all threatening.

"That is fair. I will not touch your thoughts or life-fire."

He purred in apparent relief, "How do you want it?"

She briefly pawed at the thick moss, "I can be on my back."

He glanced at her back, "What about your spines?"

"Not a problem. They bend, and the moss will make it comfortable. No biting, scratching, or threatening."

"Of course not. I will be gentle. Should I finish?"

"Yes. There is no danger of an egg."

"What about after?"

She shrugged, "Nothing. Do not expect me to want anything else. There are no rewards for you other than pleasure. Are you fine with that?"

"Yes, Alpha."

She chuckled, "As I said, I am not being your Alpha. I promise on my wings I am only your packmate for this. Call me Skadi, my real name."

"Skadi, I will. This is still-"

"Still what?"

He grumbled, "Still twisted. Other females usually want a gift first, like nice fish or other prey, grooming, or whatever else they ask for."

"Do they? I do not need you to pretend to be providing for me or protecting me. There is no reason to play those games."

"I understand."

She stepped back and slightly fanned her wings, "But I am curious, do you find me appealing? Be honest. Some light wings object to mixed-kin like me."

He looked her over and hummed, "How could I give you pleasure if I do not find you appealing? You are. Your colors, spines, strength, everything. That you look different makes you special."

Despite the situation, that had to be one of the few times any male said that he found her appealing in a good way. That reassurance, even if he was only saying it to be kind, brought warmth to the liver.

"You look strong yourself. Why did you choose your name?" she asked.

"I was teased by other Fighters when I was smaller for breaking rocks the Fighters use to gain strength. I took my name to make their teasing-name for me one I wanted."

"So it stopped being to you a foul name, instead a name with strength. Good idea. You do not have to answer this, but why do you not seek a mate? You certainly could if you wanted since you have options."

"There is no one I care about like that."

"Is that all?"

He shrugged, "No. There are enough females who want attention. I enjoy being there for them. You might think that is twisted."

Unsurprisingly, he used his situation to his advantage. Given the number of female light wings who would have limited options or go unsatisfied, his actions were understandable. He had his own interest among other reasons, but he basically admitted as much. That honesty was respectable.

She chuckled, "We are all twisted in different ways. Do you have any other questions or rules?"

"A question. Some of the Fighters were wondering if you will ever take a mate who you share your status with. Will you?"

He probably thought he might have some chance of gaining status and power through her if she were to choose him. Nothing was necessarily twisted about the desire to gain status that way, but he had to learn that it would not happen.

She answered, "If a male could throw sky-light, thought-speak to many kin, and understand the dangers of the ranges above, I might see him as like me."

None of that applied to him, and he had to know it.

She continued, "Do you understand? I am not going to take anyone here."

If he was disappointed, he did not show it.

He hummed, "Yes, I understand."

"Anything else?"

"No."

"Good."

She strode to him and nuzzled his head and neck. He returned the attention, even licking her and deeply rumbling. His attention and scent sparked her desire, and her breaths grew heavy with anticipation. No one had ever given her such attention before. The former Alpha had tried but, no, do not think about that pile of waste. Do not let any memory of that foul the moment.

She stepped alongside him and admired his lean and strong form. He nosed at her flanks, and she gasped with heat and eagerness. With a glance between his hindlegs, she saw he was ready.

What if he turned violent or tried to dominate her or, no, this was not the time for reluctance. Fear prevented action.

She growled, lay down before him, and rolled over, the moss helping her spines not pinch. He climbed on her, joined with her, and started. One with him, there was no fear, pain, or great discomfort, only her heat and desire as thought and time were unclear. Their voices mixed until she yowled with him in pleasure as he finished. He caught his breath, climbed off her, and stepped aside.

She rolled to her paws and sighed, "Yes… great skies."

"How was that?" he asked.

She hummed and nuzzled his neck, "That was the best I have had in a long time."

"The same for me."

She kept nuzzling him for many warm wingbeats as the heat faded and thought became clearer. Was this goodness and warmth what she had been missing all along? It made far more sense why others enjoyed mating. Nothing compared to the heat and satisfaction which could smother awareness of all else.

"Great skies, that was good. Thank you for being gentle," she finally whispered.

"I said I would be."

She stepped away from him and stretched, "I hope you enjoyed yourself too."

He rumbled, "It was my pleasure. Anything to make the Alpha pleased, whoever the Alpha is."

She chuckled, "That is important. We must keep her satisfied."

"Will you want more later?" he asked after a brief pause.

She hummed, not ready to answer at the moment, "Let me consider it. I am done for now. Will you take care of the signal at the boulders once you can leave without displaying?"

He huffed, "I will. What should I say if anyone asks about us?"

That was a good point. There was at least one other who had seen them fly off together from the boulders. Whispering-Melody also knew she had flown here to meet someone. However, there was no reason to be afraid of them knowing. So what if they knew?

"Do not go telling anyone first, but do not lie if they ask. We came here for shared pleasure as we agreed, no different from what others do. Lying if they already know will only make them ask more questions. Warm flights, Crushes-Rocks."

He purred and slightly bent his head, "Warm flights, Skadi."

She stretched her wings and took flight on her own through the mist, over the warm pools, and toward her distant cave-den.

Her faint warmth and satisfaction remained as she glided past the hungry water-hole and into the forest-range. Halfway back to her cave-den, she stopped at one of the streams designated for cleaning in. There was no reason to carry his scent with her or make her cave-den smell like him.

Once back at her cave-den, she bounded inside and curled up under a wing for rest. Finally able to relax in peace on her own and with thought not touched by heat, the experience with him felt somehow disappointing.

While being with him brought immediate pleasure, nothing was special afterward. The burning warmth had already mostly faded. What was the point of claiming pleasure which would so quickly fade and make no difference? Contrary to how it felt in the moment, there were other activities, like seeing the bright sky-rock in the above or killing monsters such as Omega and the former Alpha, which brought even greater satisfaction or made more of a difference for herself and others.

Had she done something wrong while being with him? Maybe, as she had no real experience beforepaw. More bonding afterward might have made a difference, though that would also have sent the wrong impression.

The answer probably was not to go back for more with him in the future even if he was willing. While he was pleasant and respectful in every way, he was not close to her liver at all. Liver-closeness was not necessary for that pleasure. Further, making a habit of going to him or anyone else could easily become a distraction from other priorities. No, going back for more was unnecessary. More of the same would likely only lead to more disappointment. Once was enough to satisfy her curiosity.

Most importantly, being with him had not caused any fear or made her see her dead attacker in his place. Let that pile of waste rot in the dark, never to foul her life-flight again even in memory. The no-eggs-berries ensured there could be no unwanted consequences from his seed. Neither her life-fire nor her body would ever betray her again.

She hummed, covered her head with her tailfins, and closed her eyes for sleep.

She woke up, yawned, hopped to her paws, and felt well-rested. There had been no bad dreams at all to foul her sleep, or if there had been she could not remember them. She stretched and was relieved that nothing hurt much, though there was a little soreness which was only an annoyance. Crushes-Rocks had been gentle throughout.

The memories of being with him were still warm and pleasant, but there was also the same confusion which had bothered her before she fell asleep. While he was her packmate, he was not like a mate, a possible mate, or a friend. He did not even have one female he was interested in only being with. Who he was at liver had not mattered for mere pleasure, though she had first made sure he was not foul and twisted, but maybe that lack of liver-closeness explained the disappointment.

Regardless, it still felt like being with him had been the correct decision just to know what it felt like. No one was hurt or confused.

Did he feel the same, or might he have the wrong expectations? She had tried to be clear that there was nothing between them afterward, but maybe talking to him to clarify that point was a good idea just in case there was any misunderstanding.

She strolled out her cave-den, took flight, and turned for the living-range. Beyond speaking with Crushes-Rocks, there were a pawful of other matters to consider for her pack. The Healers were still with the dark wings at Shadow-Spark-Pack, though they should be returning before too long. There was also Deep-Pass-Pack. She knew little about Deep-Pass-Pack other than it had a more respectable Alpha and more life-warming customs, though it was several waking-cycles of flight away. Her pack and Deep-Pass-Pack had pack-peace, mostly in that they almost never met or interacted. Having a true peace with Deep-Pass-Pack would only make her pack more secure in addition to allowing separated kin to meet freely again. Further, that pack was one of two possible solutions to her secret problem.

Finally in the living-range, she first sought out Shatters-Columns and found him gathered with a small group of Hunters who were dutifully bringing piles of fish to a designated place for everyone else who had no time for their own hunting. There was already a group of Fighters gathering for their fish.

Shatters-Columns spotted her and approached once she landed, "Skadi, are you feeling better?"

She purred, "I am. Thank you for asking. I got the rest I needed. Have you seen First-Far-Flier?"

"The last I saw he and other Far-Fliers were going to the forest-range."

"I will go find him. There is a flight I need flown."

"What flight?"

"Are your three young in Deep-Pass-Pack?" she asked.

He appeared confused at first, "They are unless they have flown somewhere else. Why do you ask? Unless, you-"

She hummed, "I want to send word to that pack and invite their Alpha and anyone else to fly here. We will have pack-peace and all that allows."

He hung his head and whined, "Great lights, we will get to see them here? Truly?"

"Have they not been here at all? I thought that pack would send them here as Far-Fliers, but, wait, that would mean only males could have visited, yes?"

"Correct. We have not seen our daughter in far too long. Well, we have not seen any of them in too long, but especially her. We thought we might never see her again."

"You will soon."

He backed away and spread his wings, "Sorry, I must tell Herb-Scorcher. She needs to know."

"Go tell her."

Once he was gone, she spotted several Fighters who had arrived to claim their share of the waking-cycle's fish. Crushes-Rocks was among them.

She took a deep breath and started for them. He spotted her approaching before she had a chance to call out to him. He stepped away from his fellow Fighters, came to her away from everyone else, paused, and bent his head.

"Alpha."

"Warm flights, Crushes-Rocks."

She paused, unsure what precisely to say. There was nothing strange about her speaking with anyone for a time, but speaking too long with one who was not a First of a pack-role might be noticed.

He looked down at her paws and whispered, "How are you?"

She lowered her voice, "I am well. So you know, I enjoyed everything."

"What are you saying?" he warily asked.

"I do not plan to ask you again. You did nothing wrong, but I have my reasons. I hope you understand."

He exhaled and relaxed, "We agree."

His being understanding was a pleasant surprise given he had asked if she wanted more.

"Good. I was worried you might not want to hear that."

"Being with you felt a little twisted afterward," he muttered.

"How so, if you can explain it?"

He shrugged, "You have thought-speak, can use the crashing-sky-light, and are my Alpha, so you can give me orders. Yes, you were not ordering me, but still-"

His explanation was fair and was even part of why it was likely no one here could look to her as a possible life-mate. The imbalance of power, both pack status and life-will-power, was too great. Was that also why her own sire-father had to make an agreement with her dam-mother to have her? Perhaps so.

She hummed, "I know what you mean and am glad we agree. On a different topic, I will need to fly to Shadow-Spark-Pack to meet the dark wing Alphas there. Do you want to come with and see some of that range? You said you have not yet gone far beyond."

He started in surprise and interest, "Yes, I would like to see the dark wings and their range."

"Then I will tell First-Fighter to include you and other Fighters around your number in the flight for experience. Warm flights, Crushes-Rocks."

He slightly bent his head, "Thank you, Skadi, Alpha."

She stepped back from him and departed to search for First-Far-Flier. Thankfully, Crushes-Rocks thought much as she did. Being around him again had not sparked any heat or interest at all, which was a relief. While he did not feel like a friend, he also could not be the same as a normal packmate whom she had never interacted with. Helping him gain experience by seeing more of the ranges beyond felt appropriate, both practically for the pack and as a way of thanking him for what they had shared.