Chapter 11 March

"What are you doing?"

An odd sound had attracted Rory's attention as she stepped out of her bedroom. She leaned into the baby's room where Logan was bent over the changing pad that was perched on the dresser. Nora was lying on her back with her feet kicking up in the air.

"Check this out." He grinned.

Logan leaned over and blew a loud raspberry on the baby's exposed tummy. Peals of laughter filled the air.

"Isn't that great? She loves it."

A sense of panic gripped Rory.

"Be careful! What if she twists and falls off the dresser!"

Why did her mind always go to the worst-case scenario? She hated that she couldn't turn off that part of her brain.

"C'mon, I'm right here. That's not gonna happen. Loosen up. Have a little fun with her."

Rory seethed. She wished it was that easy. She could always envision eminent peril far easier than seizing a fun moment. What was wrong with her? As much as it frustrated her, she didn't know how to change it.

It also irked her that Logan was so cheerful after having so little sleep. The baby's crying had kept them up most of the night. And how could he be enjoying taking care of her? It always felt like work to Rory.

Completing the diaper change, Logan dressed Nora in a pair of bright pink leggings with a top that had a vibrant yellow daisy on it.

"You know that's just going to get dirty." She warned. She tended to favor more utilitarian onesies and jumpers that were simpler to maneuver.

"I know. It's not like she doesn't have dozens of other clothes."

While balancing Nora in one arm, Logan spread a small Peter Rabbit quilt on the floor and then placed the baby on her tummy on top of it. He sank to the floor beside her, placing a set of plastic keys and a stuffed caterpillar nearby and then watched her investigate.

"When are they coming?" Logan asked, eyes on the baby.

"This weekend."

Emily and Richard had worn them down with their repeated requests to visit. Not that it wouldn't be nice to see her grandparents, but they required more preparations than the average guest.

"I don't know how we're going to get this place clean," Rory said, perched on the futon.

A thin layer of dust covered everything. Other than immediate spills, the kitchen and bathrooms hadn't been cleaned in ages. They'd received so many gifts for the wedding and the baby that many sat in their original boxes. She'd tried organizing the chaos, storing baby gifts in Nora's room but it quickly got too crowded. As a result, the lower level of their apartment resembled a storage depot, with towering boxes on either side of the path connecting the front and garage doors to the stairs.

At least she'd kept up with the Thank You notes. She'd never hear the end of it from her grandmother if she hadn't.

While she appreciated the thought and effort people put into the wedding gifts, many weren't what she would've chosen for herself. A fancy crystal decanter with matching glasses. A silver tea service and candle sticks. Ornate vases and elaborate artwork with heavy wooden frames that would overwhelm their walls. Kitchen appliances she didn't even know the names of. Most still resided in their original packaging, stacked on the lower level.

Thankfully, many of the baby gifts had been more practical such as the crib and rocker, stroller with car seat, high-chair, and motorized sling chair. Lucy had sent a framed whimsical watercolor that she'd created for Nora which was now proudly displayed above the dresser. They'd received more than enough books and clothing. And stuffed animals. Rory vowed to donate some of them to charity before they took over the baby's room.

Her grandmother's friends tended to send unusual baby gifts. Silver plated baby rattles (they had four), Peter Rabbit themed china and tiny silver spoons, elaborate outfits (silk and taffeta for three-month old?). One sent something resembling a humidifier that was supposed to be used to dispense natural healing oils into the baby's room. That one was still in the box, buried in the stacks.

Rory was sorely tempted to ask people for cash in lieu of gifts. Some did send generous checks which were squirreled away. For the most part, a cash gift was deemed far too tacky for her grandparent's elite crowd.

Rory and Logan were pleasantly surprised that some of Logan's extended family had sent both wedding and baby gifts.

Rory's father had kindly asked her what she wanted or needed. He'd even suggested contributing a generous down payment towards a house. While she greatly appreciated his offer, she put him on hold for now, certain that something pressing would eventually come up. They'd spoken with him about visiting but plans had yet to materialize.

Sitting up straighter, Logan replied. "I keep telling you, cleaning's not gonna make a difference. Your grandparents and anyone in my family would be horrified by this place even if it was immaculately clean and completely empty. Cleaning is a waste of time and energy. Let's just concentrate on finding the gifts they sent for Nora and make sure she's wearing some of the outfits they gave her."

Rory wasn't ready to concede. She didn't want to endure Emily's withering disapproving look.

"Maybe we could hire someone to help us." Even a deep cleaning of the kitchen and bathrooms would be helpful.

Slightly annoyed, he replied. "Are you kidding? You're the one who's always getting on me about the budget."

It was a valid point. Their budget had been tight before Nora's birth. Now with infant formula, diapers, doctors' visits, it added up even quicker. While they weren't spending as much on entertainment, they were spending more on take-out food.

"Maybe you could learn to cook."

"Maybe you could." Rory fired back. She despised being treated like the little woman.

Then it occurred to Rory to mention Logan's patented response when it came to extras. "How about putting it on the credit card?"

"No way. Trust funds and credit cards are for real emergencies or exciting life opportunities. Not for this."

She agreed but she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of acknowledging it.

She started rummaging through the dresser drawers for outfits that her grandparents had sent. She could barely remember who sent what. Thank goodness she'd catalogued all the items on a master list. She'd have to check it later. She slammed the drawer shut. She hated that she was so grouchy, but it had been a rough night and neither of them had slept much.

"Just be glad it's not anyone from my family," Logan said.

Rory breathed a sigh of relief. She had no desire to deal with Mitchem Huntzberger. With the tension between Logan and his family, she would let him decide how to handle them.

"It would be nice to see your sister," Rory said. Honor had called several times and sent gifts.

"Yeah, it would. Maybe in a month or so Nora will start sleeping more during the night and we'll feel more human for entertaining."

"Yeah…" Her voice trailed off. She was losing hope that they'd ever sleep through the entire night again.

Emily and Richard planned to stay downtown at the Four Seasons luxury hotel. Rory hoped to convince them that it would be easier for them to meet at the hotel for brunch, thus avoiding their apartment all together.

Logan and Rory hadn't ventured out to a formal restaurant as a family yet. Both were a little nervous. Nora didn't tend to sit still or remain quiet for long intervals. She also spit up a lot. Neither Rory nor Logan had been able to eat an uninterrupted meal while the baby was present.

Rory was both excited and apprehensive about her grandparents' upcoming visit. She could only imagine Emily running her finger along the kitchen counter, frowning when she detected something sticky. Her expression revealing how appalled she was by the grime.

No question about it. The apartment had to be cleaned. The workload seemed even more overwhelming because Logan had absolved himself of the responsibility by claiming it wasn't necessary.

Since she was so aggravated with Logan, she decided not to share with him that someone else was coming to San Francisco. In two days.

Jess was visiting. They'd planned to meet at a local coffee shop.

Logan didn't need to know. It wasn't like anything was going on between she and Jess. They were just friends. They'd gone their separate ways years ago. He'd emailed her to let her know he'd be in town. They were just going for coffee.

She also wanted to have something that was completely hers, especially after feeling as if she'd become public property after giving birth. She wanted to catch up with an old friend.

Logan had behaved so rudely last time he met Jess. She didn't have the energy to deal with it if it were to happen again.

XXXX

"Hey!" Rory raced over to Jess, who was already waiting at a pub table at the coffee house. As much as she hated it, running late seemed to be perpetual for her these days. Inevitably, she forgot something, or the baby spit up on her, requiring a last-minute frantic wardrobe change where she'd have to quickly riffle through whatever clothing happened to be clean.

Although it had been two years since she'd seen him, Jess hadn't changed much. His dark hair was shorter but still unkempt, in a charming bad boy fashion. His faded blue jeans were familiar. Yet a casual patterned button-down shirt had replaced the perennial worn T-shirt.

After hugging, they grabbed seats at the table. She was pleased when she noticed that Jess had already purchased a coffee for her.

Noting Jess' poorly masked startled expression, she became flushed. She quickly scanned her clothing to ensure nothing was stained. While she managed to shower every day, she didn't have much time to spend on her wardrobe or appearance. Her shoulder length locks had been hastily combed. She was still at the awkward phase where her regular clothes didn't fit well but she had no desire to wear even the nicest of her maternity outfits. Besides, these days she dressed more for comfort than for style, wearing a baggy Yale sweatshirt with leggings.

She savored a big sip of coffee then asked, "What are you in town for?"

He'd mentioned it but it had slipped her mind.

"I'm doing some readings from my book at several independent bookstores. They make an evening of it. Serve a little wine and cheese. It's good publicity."

"I'm sure it is. When's your next reading? Maybe I can come." The thought of interacting with other adults around books was very appealing.

"This Friday night."

Her hopes deflated. While she could neglect to mention this meeting to Logan, Friday night would require bald-faced lying. And she wasn't about to do that.

Besides, most likely she'd be frantically cleaning.

"I'll see what I can do."

"I'm working on a new book," Jess said.

She felt ashamed that she was envious. She tried to sound excited for him.

"Great! What's it about?"

"Think Kerouac. A journey of self-discovery. I figure if my character is exploring the west, I'd better experience it myself. I drove here from Philly, taking the scenic routes to experience old town charm. You outta see some of the places I've been to. They make Stars Hollow look positively commercial."

"That sounds exciting."

Even her sleep deprived brain could be inspired to write by that type of experience.

As they talked about Jess' travel experiences, the conversation naturally led to classic books which they debated. Rory was elated to feel like a real person again. It was so nice to connect with someone on an intellectual level. Their conversation reminded her why she and Jess had dated in the first place.

She envied Jess his freedom to pursue his dreams unfettered.

"What are you up to?" he asked.

Taking a sip of her coffee cup, she said, "At this moment, getting used to married life and parenthood."

"I can't believe you married that jerk. What about your dreams?"

Rory almost choked on her coffee.

She'd come today, fully prepared to complain about her husband and the drudgery of parenthood. That's what she did with all her friends. But Jess' attitude put her on the defensive.

"Life happens. What was I supposed to do?"

She wondered if he'd say that she should've had an abortion. That sounded like him. He never had much of a filter.

He impressed her by showing some restraint.

"You didn't have to marry him."

"I wanted to." She insisted.

She'd forgotten that Jess might not know the details of her situation. Unless Luke had filled him in, which she found highly doubtful. Luke wasn't one to gossip.

"The only reason I broke up with Logan at graduation was to pursue my career. It was never that I didn't love him. With a baby in the picture, I wanted her to know her father and have him in her life."

She wanted Nora to have what she never had.

Jess held firm. "Still didn't have to marry that jerk."

Rory was tired of apologizing. Logan had been obnoxious when they met two years ago. Even then, she'd apologized to Jess for his crass behavior.

But that wasn't who Logan was. He'd had a bad day. And even though he wouldn't admit it, he had been jealous.

It wasn't as if Jess had a sterling track record when it came to interacting with others. He needed to let this go.

What was wrong with these guys?

"Those guys think they're better than everyone else. I never thought you were the type to marry for money."

She burned at the implication. "For your information, Logan's father cut him off last year. Not that that's really any of your business."

"Interesting. Then why?" he asked.

Money had never been the issue.

She hadn't fallen in love with Logan because of his money. Or his lavish lifestyle. Jumping off that tower with that ridiculous dress while holding Logan's hand, Rory had felt a freedom she hadn't known existed.

That life could be so much more.

Granted, she wasn't a fool. Money opens more doors, but Logan was always open for more. For new ideas, for new experiences. As much as she had cared for Dean, her life had expanded beyond the boundaries he'd set for himself. She'd seen it that night when Dean had come to her grandparents to pick her up at the Yale party. He had realized it too. He didn't fit into that life that would take her to new and exotic places.

As much as she loved Stars Hollow, she craved more.

And even though their currents circumstances were challenging, Logan was meeting them. When he came home late, she never smelled alcohol on his breath. He'd been at work. Or if he had been entertaining clients, he didn't overindulge. He might complain about a person or policy at work, but he faithfully went to work, not making frivolous excuses to skip days. In fact, the few days he had taken off had to do with taking care of her or the baby.

Of course, he could be doing more to help around the house. But with some prompting, he was taking turns doing diaper changes and more household chores such as folding laundry and picking up take-out on the way home. He was making the best of their circumstances.

She thought about the man she'd seen when she visited San Francisco last August. Logan had been angry and depressed. He hated his life. His circumstances had seemed hopeless.

And now? Instead of an empty shell, they had a home. Logan was laughing while changing diapers.

As angry and annoyed as she'd been with Logan over the past months, she tried to imagine what her life would look like if she were married to Jess. While he had matured, she couldn't imagine him going to a nine-to-five job every day, rain or shine. Not drinking whenever he felt like it. Sticking to a budget. Not doing whatever he wanted whenever he felt like it.

While Logan hadn't been helping out as much as she'd like, she hadn't given him credit for what he had been doing. It wasn't his fault she was having trouble making the transition to parenthood. That she hadn't bonded with the baby yet.

It wasn't his fault she didn't have a job.

"You workin' on anything?" Jess asked.

"Yeah, I've been researching daycare options in the San Francisco area. It's been pretty eye opening."

When everyone told her how lucky she was, she'd hadn't believed them. How foolish she'd been. The price of daycare alone was staggering. Even though Logan made a decent salary, they would've been struggling to manage without her grandparents' generous contribution.

And finding high quality daycare was equally problematic. She'd been appalled by the problems that even respected childcare centers had. Survey data showed that many parents regularly used family members for childcare and didn't have any reliable backup if the baby were to become ill.

"A mommy blog huh?" Sarcasm in his voice.

Even though she'd felt the same way, she was quick to defend herself.

"No. I'm writing it as a spec piece."

"Good luck getting that published."

She was ready to slug him.

XXX

Lorelai glanced up from the front desk of the Dragonfly Inn only to discover Emily Gilmore purposely striding towards her.

Quickly bending her head as if engrossed in an invoice, she pretended not to have seen her. Though, that wasn't going to buy her much time. She could hear her heels clicking against the floor as she approached. Lorelai racked her brain, trying to determine why her mother was here.

"Lorelai, there you are. You haven't been answering your phone."

That was true. Lorelai carefully screened her calls when it came to her parents.

Lifting her head, she asked, "Will this take long? I have an inn to run."

Emily made a point of scanning the lobby and dining area. Other than an older woman who was nursing a cup of coffee while reading the paper, no one was about.

"I'm sure you can be spared for a moment."

Reluctantly, Lorelai joined her mother at a table.

"When were you going to tell me?" Emily said.

It sounded more like an accusation than a question.

Lorelai was confused until the ring sparkling on her finger reminded her. She'd told her mom about their engagement. Hadn't she? Gaging Emily's offended expression, she must not have.

"Mom, it just happened. I was going to tell you…"

"You and Luke even came to my house for dinner two weeks ago. And it didn't occur to you to share with us that you're engaged to be married?"

"I guess I thought I already told you." It was a feeble excuse that Emily wasn't buying it.

"When's the wedding?"

"I don't know, Mom. We haven't decided anything."

As she feared, her mother's mind went into overdrive, making plans.

"You and Rory can have a double wedding at the Cape this May. Wouldn't that be lovely! I've been trying to book that charming beachside chapel. Though with a double wedding, we might need more seating. Perhaps the church by the green."

Sharing a wedding with her daughter?

It was an idea that hadn't occurred to her. It had merits. But Lorelai wasn't completely sold on it.

Emily continued to make suggestions. "Rory and her bridesmaids will be wearing vintage 20s style dresses. And you and your bridesmaids can wear a different style. What do you think about Japanese silk?"

Tuning out her mother's prattle, Lorelai smiled fondly, remembering when she'd selected that dress for her daughter. She'd known that Rory would love it. She couldn't wait to see her wearing it.

"We could use those gorgeous Calla lilies. They're so regal. Or maybe Rory's party could carry those, and you and your attendants could carry bouquets of French lilacs." Her eyes light up. "Or what about Parisian fans?"

Annoyance welled up within her. "Mom, is that what Rory wants?" It certainly wasn't what she wanted.

"To be honest, other than the dress style, she hasn't said much."

Lorelai reminded her. "She's busy with the baby and trying to get a job."

"I know that! You keep saying that. Don't patronize me!"

Taking a breath to calm herself, she replied. "I'm sure you'll work out more details when you visit this weekend. You must be so excited about the trip. Just don't confirm any big reservations without checking with her first."

"Am I allowed to post news of your engagement in the local paper? Or will that be an issue?" Her eyes flicked toward her daughter, anticipating resistance.

"Sure." As long as they didn't have to pose for some staged photo.

"Can your father and I throw you an engagement party?"

"No!"

That came out harsher than she'd intended. She'd been to her parent's parties. While the food was always superb, those affairs were stiff, dull and filled with people she had no desire to talk to. It wasn't her idea of a good time.

Getting irritated, Emily said, "Won't you let us throw a nice wedding for you?"

"No!" Lorelai stood.

This was her wedding, not her mother's. Hers. And she would do it her way.

"This is my first official wedding ceremony. Or at least it's the most important one and I want to do it my way."

"We could pay for the reception." Emily offered.

"Mom, I'm thirty-seven years old. I don't need my parents to pay for my wedding."

"I wasn't insinuating that you couldn't afford it. Your father and I are happy for you and want to do something nice." When her daughter didn't respond, she said, "Guess I should be grateful I'm even hearing about it. Will we even be invited to the ceremony?"

"Of course, you will. If we have a ceremony."

Emily's eyebrows rose in alarm. "Why on earth wouldn't you?"

"I don't know." Lorelai mumbled.

"There must be something we can do for you."

It frustrated Lorelai that her parents never understood that she had different values. She'd never wanted to own a mansion or Maserati. She never worried about what the neighbors owned or about competing for status. It wasn't on her radar. Stuff was just stuff.

"Mom" A warning note crept into her voice. Then she forced herself to remain calm. "I don't know what I want right now, Mom. We have to decide what we want to do."

A chill ran through her when Emily smiled.

Alarmed, Lorelai brought a hand to cover her mouth, wondering if there were poppy seeds in her teeth from her morning muffin. "What?" she asked.

"That's better." Emily seemed smug.

"What do you mean?" Lorelai couldn't figure out what her mother was up to.

"You said, 'we'."