Chapter 12 March 2008
"Hey! You managed to escape," Logan said as Rory descended the stairs. Somehow, she'd managed to soothe the baby and return her to the crib.
"I'm as shocked as you are." She said with a mock-whisper, while crossing her fingers. "Don't jinx it."
Rather than returning to the couch where she'd been earlier, she joined Logan in the chair, sitting on his lap, leaning against him.
"This is nice," Logan said.
She hadn't been very affectionate towards Logan in the past months. Pure exhaustion along with the baby constantly hanging on her had taken a toll. Most of the time she just wanted to be left alone. But her conversation with Jess had made her feel kinder towards her husband. She leaned closer to him, breathing in the scent of his aftershave.
"You okay, Ace?" A note of concern was in his voice. He ran his fingers through tendrils of hair that framed her face.
She wasn't sure how to answer him.
"You don't seem like yourself these days."
His words compounded her guilty feelings. Instead of focusing on what Logan had been doing to help with the baby, all she'd done for the past months was wallow in misery, complaining bitterly to anyone who would listen about her frustrations and his shortcomings.
She hadn't been a team player.
She admitted. "I know. It's weird, even though the baby isn't waking us up as often, it's still hard."
Tightening his grip on her shoulder, he teased her. "Yeah, I need at least three uninterrupted hours of sleep to function."
"Three? I'd say four. Absolute minimum."
Their eyes meet.
Running his fingers along her cheek, Logan said, "You know, you don't have to be perfect."
"I know that." She regretted that she snapped at him.
"I don't think you do. You're used to doing schoolwork perfectly. Dotting all the i's and crossing the t's. You're very detail oriented. This is the real world. Nobody's grading you. Sometimes it's not possible to be perfect. Sometimes you just have to do what you can to get by."
She sighed, recognizing there was some merit to his argument.
"Those parenting books don't know everything. Lots of times they even contradict each other. We've gotta find our own way. Like falling asleep with the baby."
"All the books say it's terrible to fall sleep with the baby." Rory parroted, feeling ashamed about this familiar discussion since it had become one of her coping mechanisms. Once she'd actually gotten the baby to fall asleep, nine times out of ten, Nora woke up the minute her body contacted the crib mattress.
"We do it because we have too. Otherwise, we wouldn't get any rest."
Since Rory had the opportunity to catch up with sleep during the day, she manned the night shift after midnight. That was also the bulk of the night duty. She and Logan took turns on the weekends.
"If your back is killing you from sleeping on the futon with Nora half the night, or you're just tired of it, let's figure out a way to break the cycle. Otherwise, if we're all getting more sleep, why change things? It's up to you."
She did resent not being able to sleep in her own bed most nights. And that would be another factor contributing to her feelings of alienation from Logan. Even right now, feeling the warmth of his body emanating through his shirt made her feel closer to him, emotionally as well as physically.
Perhaps she could ask Rosa for some pointers to make the transition from the rocker to the crib go more smoothly. She appreciated that her nanny was so approachable and full of wise tips.
"There's no report card here, Rory. No one is keeping track."
"I know. I just…want to do right by her."
"We're doing the best we can."
His words were encouraging. But that wasn't the only problem.
She felt ashamed that she didn't adore her daughter. That she sometime resented her. What would her husband think of her if she admitted it? Did he sometimes feel that way too?
Could she admit it to him?
While Logan got just as annoyed as she did with parenting duties, there were times when he seemed to connect with the baby.
She decided couldn't tell him.
"Try to lighten up a little. Have some fun with her." Logan said.
"It's hard. I don't know why, but it is."
"Could it be hormonal?
From the sudden tension in her shoulders, he sensed she was offended.
"Look, I didn't mean that in a sexist way. Paris was going on and on about the massive changes your body is going through and this fourth trimester. Altered hormone levels might be part of that. Your doctor said postpartum depression is very real and something a lot of women deal with."
"Maybe. Perhaps it's nature's way to hard-wire me to stay in hyper protective mode. I just keep seeing all the potential falls or accidents. I imagine her slipping under the water when I bathe her. Falling off the dresser while changing her. Accidently banging her head against any hard surface when I let down my guard. I can't seem to relax around her."
"Want to talk with your doctor about it?"
She considered it. "No. Not yet. It's just hard figuring out how to balance everything. Since I've started working on the daycare article and doing more research for Anna, it seems like afternoons aren't enough time to catch up with sleep and writing."
"Then take a few mornings for work too. That's why Rosa's here."
That made sense.
She sighed. "I need to clean tomorrow."
Her grandparents would be in San Francisco in less than two days.
"Rory, set reasonable goals. Find some of the outfits your grandparents gave us. See if we can display a wedding gift. It's not realistic to clean this entire place from top to bottom."
Her jaw was already feeling tighter. "We need to do something."
"Aren't we meeting them at their hotel?"
"Yeah. I just…don't want to be caught off guard."
"How's this for a compromise? We'll clean the powder room and neaten up the living room and kitchen. No deep cleaning. I'll try to help you out when I get home tomorrow."
She felt reassured by his embrace. It was wonderful not feeling so alone.
XXX
"I thought you were almost ready."
Logan entered Nora's room where Rory was cramming diapers and baby outfits into a large bag. "Why aren't either of you dressed?"
He was wearing a stylish suit, pressed charcoal grey pants with a well-cut matching jacket and lavender oxford with a gold diamond-patterned tie.
The baby was on her tummy on a blanket on the floor, still clad in a pink sleeper. Rory had blow-dried her hair and carefully applied makeup, yet she was still wearing sweatpants and a worn T-shirt.
Logan bent to pick up Nora. Rory cautioned. "She just ate." He immediately backed away. The baby tended to spit up, often, especially just after finishing a bottle.
"Do we want to bring the stroller?" he asked.
"It would be easier than having her in the carrier for traveling longer distances. But we're taking the trolly there so packing and unpacking it could be a pain."
"Let's just use her carrier. What are you putting on her?"
Rory held up an elaborately ruffled red satin dress with a matching hair bow.
"Cute."
Anticipating his next comment, she said, "Don't worry. I've packed multiple outfits, diapers, extra bottles, pacifiers, and formula. Am I missing anything?"
"Nothing we can't handle. Was that the doorbell?" He left to investigate.
Rory dressed the baby then brought her into her bedroom. She placed Nora on her back on a blanket on the floor. Several dresses lay on the bed. She couldn't make up her mind. She hadn't dressed up in a while. The navy dress was the most stylish, but it might be a snug fit. She worried, knowing her grandmother's high expectations. Finally, she decided on a more casual grey jersey dress with a looser waistline, dressing it up with an amethyst pendant Logan had given her last year along with matching grey pumps.
As she descended to the lower level, juggling the diaper bag (which felt like a small suitcase) and Nora, she was astonished to hear voices.
She felt sick to her stomach.
It was Richard and Emily.
At their apartment.
"I just don't see how you can live like this. You obviously don't have enough space with all those boxes stacked up like that. Richard, we have to buy them a better condo." Emily said. "And this neighborhood? There's a bar down the street! It's just not safe!"
Then they noticed Rory.
"There she is!" Richard and Emily rushed towards her.
For a moment Rory was offended. Their attention was focused entirely on the baby.
"Oh, she's so precious. Look at those eyes! Those beautiful lashes!" Emily gushed.
"She's going to be a heartbreaker. Logan, I don't envy you. All the boys will be enchanted," Richard said while admiring Nora.
"Can I hold her?" Emily asked.
"Sure." Holding Nora against her chest, Rory approached her grandmother. Then she felt a familiar warm, wet sensation on her chest.
Nora had chosen that moment to spit up, covering herself and Rory.
Her grandparents recoiled. She didn't know that they could move that fast.
"Richard and Emily, why don't you have a seat while we get cleaned up?" Logan suggested.
Logan and Rory headed upstairs with the baby.
"I'll change her." He volunteered. She wondered if he was trying to score brownie points with her grandparents.
"No. You're clean. We don't need more laundry. Let me clean her up then you can put her in the flowered silk dress and matching bow that's on the top of the diaper bag.
After cleaning the baby, she was back in her room, staring at her other options that were lying on the bed. Now what was she going to wear? She'd picked her best outfit.
Rejecting the dresses on the bed as too uncomfortable, she searched her closet and found a long dark floral print skirt and an off-white peasant blouse. Zipping up the skirt, she could feel the fabric straining against her waist. It wasn't fair. She honestly hadn't gained much pregnancy weight but what she did retain seemed to settle oddly. Nevertheless, she could handle wearing this skirt for a few hours. She briefly considered wearing heels then switched to black flats.
She joined the others downstairs. "Are we ready?"
Her grandparents rose from their seats.
"I thought we were meeting you at your hotel," Rory said.
"Nonsense. We wanted to see your place." Emily said. She inspected the kitchen. "I don't see how you can tolerate these conditions. Those appliances look ancient. I can't imagine that they function properly."
After securing Nora in her carrier, and grabbing the diaper bag, they descended to the lower level.
Logan suggested. "Let's take the car to the hotel. It might be a tight fit but that probably works best. It will be easier than transferring the car seat into a taxi."
Rory was thankful that the baby carrier easily snapped into one base on the stroller and into another one which remained in the car, serving as a car seat.
The opulent lobby of the Four Seasons Hotel had cool marble Mediterranean style tile. Full sized palm trees covered with tiny sparkling lights filled the area and there was even a tiled fountain gently spouting water.
Rory squeezed Logan's hand. She was nervous. Being out in public with a baby was like handling a bomb. You never knew what might set it off. And she suspected this audience wouldn't be very understanding if Nora were to burst out crying in the middle of drinks and appetizers.
After being seated in the restaurant, reviewing the menu and then placing orders, Emily insisted upon holding Nora so Rory handed her to her grandmother.
"Oh Richard, she's adorable." Emily beamed with pride. Then her expression changed. "What is that odor?"
Rory nearly died, seeing the overflowing diaper spreading a brown stain onto the delicate silk dress. And Emily's blouse. Grabbing a cloth from the diaper bag, she rushed towards her grandmother, seizing Nora.
"I thought we changed her before we left," Logan said.
"We did. Grandma, I'll take care of the baby while you go back to your room to get changed."
When Rory returned to the table, Nora was wearing a neon pink dress with matching leggings and hair bow.
Examining her, Emily said, "That outfit must be from your mother. I've forgotten what babies are like. It's been such a long time. I never got to spend time with you, Rory when you were little."
Rory refused to fall for that guilt trip. Those were circumstances far beyond her control. That was all between her mother and her grandmother. She was staying out of it.
"I'm sure it will come back to you." She replied, wondering how much hands-on parenting Emily Gilmore had done in her time. She struck Rory as the type to rely more heavily on the hired help.
Logan took the baby from her. He explained. "I was just thanking your grandparents for their generous offer to buy us a condo. But now isn't the right time. There's talk of a possible promotion which might involve transferring to a different location. We need to wait and see what's happening before settling down."
"Whenever you're ready to buy, we can certainly help you with that down payment." Richard assured him.
Rory objected. "No, Grandpa, you've already been so generous with the nanny. That's been the best gift. It's helped us out immensely."
She didn't realize changing the baby had taken so long. The food had arrived in her absence and hers was already lukewarm. She didn't complain, she was used to it. She used her fork to pick up a bite of her chocolate chip pancakes when the baby started whimpering.
"What's wrong with her?" Emily asked, alarmed.
"I'm not sure. She just ate. She has a clean diaper. Maybe she's overstimulated? She tends to be fussy."
"Give her a moment. Sometimes she'll settle herself." Logan said, as he gently rocked her.
"Logan tells us you're working on an article," Richard said.
The volume of Nora's cries grew louder, so Logan stood with her in his arms. He swayed to and fro.
"Um…it summarizes daycare options in San Francisco," Rory said. It was hard to concentrate with the baby crying and others starting to stare at them.
"When you're ready, I have contacts at the San Francisco Chronicle. You must let me introduce you." Richard insisted.
"Oh, Grandpa, I couldn't do that."
"Why not? That's how business is done."
Nora let out a loud howl and all heads turned towards them. Logan tried inserting a pacifier into her mouth, but it was promptly spit onto the floor.
"That's what I keep telling Rory," Logan said.
Richard rose. "Logan, sit down. Finish your meal. Let me try." He reached for Nora.
Logan and Rory exchanged nervous glances. Emily was equally confused. Rory gave Richard a cloth to cover his shoulder. Cuddling the baby, her grandfather said, "We'll just take a little stroll." They headed for the lobby.
The ensuing quiet was soothing.
"Rory, your food is cold. Let me find the waiter and they can reheat it," Emily said.
"No Grandma, I'm fine. Really." Being able to eat without interruptions was already a plus.
Emily peered towards the lobby, wondering how Richard was faring with the baby. Then her thoughts turned to business.
"May is just around the corner. We need to finalize wedding plans. Today."
For the most part, Rory was relieved that her grandmother taking charge of all the wedding details. She loved the idea of just showing up and enjoying the celebration with friends and family.
"I have absolutely no idea what your mother wants." Emily complained.
"I'm not sure she knows. Give her time. I know she wants you there."
"She didn't include us in her last wedding."
"She didn't include me either." Rory reminded her.
"If you want to have a double wedding ceremony, the venue will require more seating. If we want to get the chapel by the beach, I need to set that up. Today."
"Want me to call Mom?" Rory offered.
"But you haven't finished your food."
"That's okay. I'll be right back."
On her way to the ladies' lounge, she spotted Richard and Nora in the lobby by the fountain. The baby was no longer screaming. Both were smiling and Nora seemed enraptured by the bubbling water from the fountain.
Finding a comfortable seat in the lounge, she called her mother.
"Rory?" Lorelai sounded groggy.
Oh no, she hadn't taken the time change into account. But wasn't it late afternoon for her?
"Get some coffee. We need to talk."
She heard assorted noises in the background.
"How's it going?" Coffee had perked Lorelai up. Her tone was fake cheerful, she clearly remembered that her parents were visiting San Francisco this weekend.
Rory propped her feet up on a nearby ottoman. "Considering that Nora has blown through two fancy outfits, spit up on me, and her diaper leaked on Grandma, not bad."
Lorelai shrieked. "I would've loved to have seen that! Please tell me you took pictures!"
"It's not as much fun when you're living it. I won't keep you long. Grandma wants to know if you want to have a double wedding ceremony."
"What do you think?" Lorelai was being vague.
"I asked you first."
Her mother considered it. "I like it. But I want to be your maid of honor. And you're going to be mine. We can't do that if we combine ceremonies."
"I have a feeling my ceremony is going to be more formal than you'd like too. So, it's decided? We each have our own ceremony?"
It was probably for the best given that her mother and grandmother had vastly different tastes. If Lorelai planned a separate ceremony, she could be assured that it would be done her way, rather than her mothers.
"Sounds good. Rory?"
"Yes, Mom."
"Just because your grandparents are paying for the ceremony doesn't mean you have to do everything their way. It's still your wedding."
Rory felt encouraged by her mother's words. She did sometimes feel pressured to accept her grandmother's plans without question.
"That's right."
"Any other juicy gossip?"
Rory thought for a moment. "Oh! How could I forget! Only that Grandpa and Grandma surprised us, showing up at our apartment."
Lorelai understood. "No! Not good."
"They think it's a death trap and are insisting on buying us a condo."
"What'd you say?"
"We said no. We're not sure if we're settling here or if our jobs will move to different locations. I guess we'll accept money for a down payment later. That would be really helpful."
"Be careful." Lorelai warned. "Money has strings attached to it."
"I know! I know! I'd better get back." She stood then remembered. "Oh! You've gotta hear this! Grandpa is wandering around the lobby of the Four Season with Nora. She loves him. He's a regular baby whisper!"
"Aw. Who'd have thought it? Take pictures for me."
Rory joined the others at the table. She noticed the baby was now wearing a bright orange Onesie, with no matching head accessory.
"What happened?"
Richard explained. "Miss Eleanor was being a perfect lady. She's full of curiosity. Just like her mother. She leaned towards the fountain and got wet."
Pulling up her chair, Rory said, "Grandma, let's plan on separate ceremonies." Considering her mother's advice, she said, "If it's okay with you, could we stick to Connecticut for the wedding? Unless you've already made deposits that you can't get refunded?"
"I suppose I could." Emily said, reluctantly.
Rory felt she needed to explain, knowing her grandmother's heart was set on Cape Cod for the ceremony.
"A lot of our friends are just starting jobs and might have trouble getting time off. " Not to mention that most of the inhabitants of Stars Hollow weren't wealthy and didn't have summer homes at the Cape. "And it might be more convenient if Logan's family or relatives want to attend. If we plan for Memorial Day weekend, people will already have a three-day weekend."
"I don't understand how that comes into play," Emily said.
Rory wasn't the least bit surprised by her response.
"Won't it impossible to find a church and a venue this late? Maybe we should be looking at Labor Day weekend instead." Logan suggested.
"Nonsense. Event planning is where Emily shines. With her contacts in the tristate area, she can plan a top-tier event in less than two weeks." Richard beamed with pride.
Emily asked, "Logan, would you feel comfortable if I spoke with your parents about the wedding?"
"Sure. You can reach out to my family. If they want to be a part of it, it's fine by me. And if they don't, they don't."
"Have you spoken with your parents?" Richard asked.
"Some. They've called a few times. They've set up a trust fund for Nora."
"We have too" Richard said.
"Thank you for your generosity."
Nora began to fuss and rub her eyes.
"She's probably getting tired." Rory said. She wondered if they needed to head home to put her down for a nap.
"If we're done discussing wedding details, may I suggest that Emily and Rory go for manicures while Richard and I watch Nora in your suite," Logan said.
"Excellent suggestion." Richard agreed.
"You don't have more clean outfits," Rory said. She'd felt having extra diapers was more important than clothing.
"We're just going to be in the hotel room. If she ends up just wearing a diaper, who cares?"
XXXX
Placing her coffee cup on the table, Rory slid into the booth across from Emma. "I'm so glad you called."
The booth was by the window at the front of the café so they could watch pedestrians walking past. It had taken Rory a while to get here. She'd had to take the streetcar to reach this particular coffee house that was closer to Emma's job. But she didn't mind.
Rory remembered Logan's warnings about mixing with the upper class. But it was coffee at Starbucks. How expensive could that get? And she was excited to get to know Emma better.
"How's Nora doing?" Emma asked.
"Better."
A few days ago, the baby had a low-grade fever. She was eating poorly and very cranky. Rory had wanted to take her to the hospital, but her pediatrician and Rosa assured her that it wasn't necessary. There'd been several sleepless nights, but Nora had recovered.
She'd been concerned she'd have to cancel her coffee date. Then she felt guilty about that. But it wasn't as if she had many dates on her social calendar.
Rather than whining about the challenges of dealing with a sick infant, Rory chose to stick to her resolve to be a better friend.
"How's your pregnancy going?"
With her vibrant shoulder length red hair and sparkling emerald eyes, Emma was glowing with health. A hint of a baby bump was noticeable beneath her fashionable floral print maternity top.
Emma replied. "Okay. Ideally, we would've waited a while to start a family. Get used to our jobs and just being in the real world. But things happen."
"Don't I know it," Rory said.
"Having kids is important to us. It's just happening a little sooner than we'd planned."
"It's an adjustment." She bit her lip, fighting the urge to go into detail. She didn't want to frighten Emma. "How are you feeling?"
"Other than tired, pretty good. Hungry."
"Like, hungry enough for one of those triple chocolate muffins?" Rory gestured to the table next to them where several muffins sat on a plate. Then she worried Emma was the type who counted calories and watched her figure.
She was delighted when Emma responded. "Definitely! Let's do it!"
After returning with their muffins, Emma said, "Show me pictures of that beautiful baby."
Rory scanned her phone for photos. She didn't have many good shots. By the time she thought of taking a photo, the moment was usually gone. But her mother and Logan had taken some.
She showed Emma one of her grandfather holding Nora. Then another of Nora giggling while lying down in her crib, staring up at the music notes of her mobile.
As she searched her phone, she paused on one that Logan had taken. She tended to avoid it because she looked so awful – her hair was a nightmare of tangles, and she was wearing faded mismatched pajamas. Yet, for some reason, Logan loved it. With some regret, she showed it to Emma.
"Oh! That's so sweet! You're looking into each other's eyes."
Rory examined the photo more closely. Instead of cringing at her appearance, something else captured her attention. The photo had been taken when Nora was less than a month old. Who knew what time of day it had been, for she'd been clad in pajamas for the first few weeks after returning from the hospital. For the first time, she noticed that she and Nora were smiling at each other. That moment was real.
Maybe she wasn't a complete failure as a mom.
No wonder Logan loved this shot.
"I just love babies," Emma said.
"What are you planning to do for daycare?" Rory asked. Emma had mentioned she was working in advertising. "Or do you have other plans?" she rapidly added, not wanting to offend.
"If everything goes smoothly with the birth, we'll probably get a nanny. Logan said you were very pleased with yours."
It felt odd that Emma knew details about her life. But it made sense. Chris and Logan were friendly at work. She'd even encouraged him to get lunch with Chris once or twice. Of course, they talked to each other about their lives. And she was glad that Logan was making a friend. He was lonely too.
"I didn't realize how lucky I was until I started researching an article on daycare in the San Francisco area." Rory popped the last bite of muffin into her mouth.
"That's something I'd love to read. You know, a sorority sister of mine has a position at local magazine called, Working Mothers. This would be right up their alley. I can give you her contact information if you'd like."
With the article nearly completed, Rory was ready to swallow her pride and accept help from others. "That would be wonderful."
They talked for almost two hours, sipping coffee, and nibbling on chocolate muffins. They talked about their families, favorite books and movies, dream jobs, and many other subjects. Rory was pleased to learn that although Emma came from an upper-class family, they still had a lot in common. It was wonderful to be making a new friend
"You have to come to our beach house some weekend. Soon. Before this baby is born." Emma insisted.
Rory was thrilled yet also reluctant, remembering Logan's warnings.
"I don't know. The baby doesn't sleep that well. I'd hate for her to keep you up all night and spoil your weekend."
"Don't worry about that. It'll be good practice for us. Chris and I haven't had much experience with babies. You'd be doing us a favor. Honestly."
Rory was torn. She liked this couple and loved the idea of spending time with them. Yet if the baby screamed all weekend long, would that quash the friendship even before it had a chance to get started? And then there was the financial aspect.
"Well…"
Emma insisted. "You'd be our guests. You don't have to worry about any meals. All you have to do is show up."
She wondered if Logan had broached their financial situation with Chris. That didn't sound like something guys would talk about. Then again, Emma was pretty perceptive and might have figured it out on her own.
"Please. I want to have a little fun before the baby arrives. It would be so nice just to stroll on the beach or sit around a bonfire. Watch some movies. Maybe do a Terminator marathon? Even though we went to school locally, many of our friends have moved or are working crazy hours. It's been hard to coordinate with them. I'd love to have the company."
Rory wanted to scream "Yes!" immediately. But she needed to give Logan a chance to weigh in.
"I'll talk to Logan about it. I'd love to come."
"With your wedding coming up in May, we better plan on something in April."
"I hope you don't have any plans for Memorial Day weekend and can come to the wedding." Rory said.
"We'd love to."