"Kissing knuckles"

Chapter 5

She was snuggled up on his front, a woollen blanket wrapped over her. Her head was nestled under his chin. Her knees drawn to her chest, she had pushed her freezing toes between his thighs. Her hand grasped weakly at the material of his jumper. Robert leant back against the rest of the couch. He twisted a strand of her hair around his finger and listened to her calm breathing. It felt good just to have her so near to him. His thoughts wandered to when the extent of their closeness hadn't been so complete and natural.

...

He saw her often back then. Five months ago, they were already quite close, having become best friends after she had taken up working at the same institute as he for half a year. One evening they had visited the cinema together after Cora had talked him into watching the period drama she had been hyping about for weeks.

"Robert, you're a historian. You cannot tell me you don't enjoy period dramas!" she had proclaimed enthusiastically. He had huffed, and she had nudged her elbow into his side. "Please, Robert. Do it for me," she had implored.

"I wasn't even going to say that we can't go. I just don't understand your exuberant excitement for this stuff," he had muttered.

They had gone to cinema, and Robert had accompanied her home afterwards. And as they stood in front of the door to her shared flat, she asked if he wanted to stay for a coffee.

"Coffee? At this hour?" he questioned.

"I've also got wine. That won't be the problem." She looked up at him, her raised eyebrows and wide eyes assessing him awaiting.

"Sure." He buried his hands in his jeans' pockets as she unlocked the door. He studied her shoulders that were bare because she only wore a light summer dress. The last week had been surprisingly warm for a London may. The strap of Cora's flowered dress had fallen off her shoulder when she had searched for the keys in her bag. Now there was only the strap of her bra left, and Robert watched how it pressed into the porcelain skin that was slightly red immediately next to the pink strap.

"You can take a seat in the living room," Cora said as she stepped into the corridor first. With a casual gesture she pulled up the halter of her dress and waved her hand at the living room. "Emma is out tonight and Anne won't mind." She herself opened the door to the kitchen and switched on the lights in search of the promised wine. Robert waited for her on the sofa. He noticed the book he had lend her resting on the nearby table. He took it and searched for the bookmark to find the page she was at. Every time he gave her one of his books, he was surprised by how fast she read it. When he had put that one on her desk at work, she had said the same thing as always.

"Oh, thank you for remembering! I can't wait to read it." With an apologetic look, she had added what he had already anticipated, "But I have to say beforehand I can't promise anything. Probably it will disappear in my pile of books to be read, and you will only see it again in three years time or so."

Nevertheless, he found the candy wrapper she used as bookmark in the last quarter of the novel. She had less than a hundred pages left, and skimming her current page he recalled she had already reached the finale of the story. His eyes fell back on her bookmark, and he shook his head. He didn't get why she never used a real one but always something lying nearby. The two totally agreed that marking pages with dog ears was a nasty habit, but on more than that they couldn't agree. Robert had found the most curious things in his books after Cora had returned them. There was a note where she had scribbled the directions to her new dentist's office. Robert knew from her saying that she had still got lost. There was a receipt from the drugstore from which Robert could tell that the scent he had noticed in her hair was the almond shampoo she seemed to buy in bulk. Perplexed, Robert had been when he had discovered a hair band stuck between the pages. That really was no bookmark, he was sure. And when he had given it back to Cora, her response had puzzled him even more.

"Oh! I've already been looking for that!"

"But you don't have only one hair band, do you?"

"Well, … yes. This is the last one. They somehow get lost all the time."

Robert hadn't been surprised by that, but he'd made no further comment. Now he studied the candy wrapper. Strawberry candy. She seemed to enjoy these a lot.

Cora entered the living room, placing the bottle of wine and two glasses on the table.

"You're quite far already," Robert mentioned as he closed the book and put it back down.

"Yes, don't say anything. I don't want it to be spoiled!" Cora quickly gave back. She sat down next to him.

"Alright, alright. But on another point, I had thought about lending you a bookmark the next time too. Am I right in assuming that this isn't a good idea?"

She chuckled. "You're right. I'm doing just fine with whatever you've found between the pages."

Cora laughed out again at his resigned expression and threw her head back. Her laughter filled the room, and Robert remembered the time when he had been embarrassed by her open laughter back in college. He had been surprised that she had enjoyed his jokes, but he had found her way of showing it too outward. He had been aware of the glances she had seemed to not notice at all. Forgotten had been all that as soon as she had imitated their professor quietly and he had had a hard time to keep quiet himself. The change that had taken place over time had somehow escaped his notice. After a while, he had repeated their running gags on purpose to hear her chiming laughter.

Now she took hold of his hand while chuckles still shook her body. She grinned at him, and his eyes were fixated on her teeth and how they pressed into the plump flesh of her lower lip. The press on his hand made him look up at her eyes again, and he saw the intensity that was directed at him. It was apparent that she had not missed where his eyes had wandered.

"Robert?" The silence that followed her light voice was pressing after the sound of her laughter had surrounded the two. She jutted her chin forward and uttered her following question with a light-hearted tone.

"Would you kiss me?" Robert was dumbfounded by the unexpected demand.

"But… I…" he stuttered. "Cora, we are friends," he stated the obvious.

"Yes, I know. Would you still kiss me?" she answered without as much hesitation as Robert would have expected in this kind of situation. Not that he had expected such situation at all. No, he was quite swamped by this. That Cora, however, would be so easy about it should actually be no surprise to him.

"As a friend, if you like so," Cora added when he didn't react. Robert pulled himself from her captivating eyes, and as his gaze fell back on her slightly parted lips, he comprehended the necessity to fulfil her demand. Of course he had to kiss Cora's lips. Her question merely formulated an inevitable action that was bound to happen.

He pulled her closer by her hand. The feeling of her smooth hand was comforting, and he noticed how great her hand fitted in his grip. Cora mirrored his actions when he leaned forward, and as she closed her eyes Robert let his lips touch hers tentatively. They were warm and so soft, but he couldn't bring himself to do more than brush over her lips with great caution. Though, when he pulled back after a few seconds her face stayed close up and her eyes snapped open. The flatter of her lashes and the intense crystal blue of her eyes made him hitch a breath.

"It's not over yet, is it?" she breathed, and with every second that passed she seemed to think that maybe it was, for the growing worry about his reaction was visible in her wide eyes and the crinkles between her eyebrows. She couldn't know that he had no choice with her face so close to his anyway. Her warm breath and imploring look only added to his predominant desire to feel her lips again. So, he closed the gap between them once again, this time allowing a little more confidence to rule the kiss. Cora seemed to be assured by his response and tilted her head to gently take his lower lip between hers. Now that this was turning more and more into a real kiss, Robert didn't think he could end it this easily again. He knew for sure that he needed her plump lips closer, he had to taste them, he had to savour them. Oh, how the way her lips danced over his made his heart flatter. He was glad to still have her hand in his. Otherwise, he would have shaky fingers by now.

The clenching in his lungs, and probably hers too, required to break the tight contact. While both breathed heavily, Cora leaned her forehead against his.

"Thank you," she whispered after a few seconds. Her eyes were casted down to their clasped hands.

"It was my pleasure," he gave back in a quiet voice. "But…" he didn't know how to continue, how to pronounce the uncertainty that clouded his mind. "But what… what does this mean?" he stammered. His grip on her hand loosened and he fidgeted slightly. What were her expectations now? Giving a girl such intimacy meant commitment in his understanding. There was no toying around, no leaving a kissed girl in the dark. He wanted to be a man who stood by his words and actions. Cora's wish had overwhelmed him. He hadn't made his mind about where he wanted this to go. He had no words now to say to her that he could stand by in the future. He had only this act of a kiss that portrayed a commitment he wasn't sure what it was about. Her words came back to him. 'As a friend, if you like so.' And he knew she had offered him a solution, before the reason for his caution had crystalized in his own mind.

"We're still…" he continued his uneasy stammering.

"Still friends? Sure," Cora jumped in. The tone of her voice was assuring and soothing. "It won't change a thing between us. Well, … if you're not too uncomfortable about all that," her voice went more and more quiet with each word.

"No, no!" Robert hurried to reply quickly. He took hold of both of her hands now and clasped them firmly. "You're still my buddy," he used the term Cora had introduced jokingly a while ago to label their friendship (she started entering his office some weeks ago greeting him with an 'Hey, buddy!' to pronounce a request, she assumed he dreaded to fulfil). "And there was nothing uncomfortable at all about this kiss," he assured her.

She pulled back her head slightly to be able to look into his eyes. She assessed him with hints of hope in her expression.

"So, does that mean you would give me a kiss again?" she inquired. "Like, kiss me again now and we're staying buddies anyhow?"

"I don't see why not," Robert used the argument she had just introduced to calm his worries. To underline his response, he let go of one of her hands, gently grabbed her waist and pulled her in for another kiss. Cora giggled delightedly at his enthusiastic execution before his lips sealed hers. This time the act already had something quite familiar about it. The touch of her fingers, that gently grabbed the row of buttons on his shirt, evoked a tingle.

The most curious element of this evening, though, might have been how nonchalantly Cora picked up their easy conversation afterwards. They didn't touch the bottle of wine, and the kisses weren't mentioned for the rest of the night. Cora resumed chattering about the lovely costumes the ladies had worn in the movie, as she had already done nearly on the entire way back from the cinema. Robert, having heard enough of that, steered the conversation to the historical accuracy of the adaptation, and Cora discussed this as enthusiastically as the tea gowns.

Robert left an hour later. Jokingly he kissed her knuckles gentlemanly as goodbye. He was rewarded by a warm giggle of Cora's.

"What? It's only accurate for the period of time," he said with a smirk before turning around to descend the dark staircase.

...

Robert caught a whiff of the almond scent of her hair as his hands continuously played with the dark strands. Her breathing had calmed even more, so that he was nearly sure she was asleep by now. But when he shifted slightly to find a way to carry her to bed, Cora mumbled in a low voice, "Just one more minute. You're just too comfy for your own good, Robert."