"Kissing knuckles"

Chapter 10

Cora felt totally at peace. Her body and mind were inexplicably light. No weight kept her tied to earthly worries. She was granted an invaluable moment of serenity, in his arms, drawn in by his radiating warmth, lulled to sleep by the slow movement of his chest where her head rested. The thin covers and his fingertips grazed her skin so very lightly that now and then it made her shiver. A sigh of contentment slipped from her lips and she could watch it in the slight shaking of the hair on his chest.

She hadn't imagined the day to go this way. She had anticipated another day on her own. Maybe an exchange of texts with Robert, but she hadn't even counted on this. Of course, she had not entirely excluded the option of having his company today but she hadn't wanted to allow herself to think about it. It wouldn't have done to endlessly daydream about him. But then he was there. Out of breath, dishevelled hair, clutching his coat. His wide blue eyes had pleaded with her to be with him. Well, to spend time with him again. It wasn't quite the same. Being with him. In a way, she was with him but in the back of her head, she knew that something was missing to make their togetherness whole. Their being together had something superficial, shallow, and distantly Cora was aware that his running after her and their frenzied reunion didn't change that, but right now these thoughts were distant, so infinitesimal that they weren't really present.

She was floating on a cloud of gentle bliss, wrapped in his warm and strong arms. She couldn't think of anything that was wrong at this moment.

"Robert?" she breathed. He hummed lowly in response. She traced the contours on his chest with the fingers of her right hand. She didn't continue to speak, she didn't know how, didn't know exactly what it was she wanted to tell him. It was so much that, in fact, she had no idea where to begin and where to end, what to share and what to keep to herself.

"Mmh?" he hummed again encouragingly.

When she began to answer her voice still was quiet and soft and a little sleepy. "I… it was… What I mean to say… is that… Never mind."

The silence that surrounded them now wasn't quite as heavenly light as before she had started talking, but Robert's hands moved more soothingly over her back and arm. Where there was the light touch of his fingertips seconds before there was now the stroke of his palms, portraying a gesture of reassurance. The remnants of her prior bliss and the impending sleep set her back into her former state of contentment after a short moment. There didn't need to be things said at this moment. He was with her, she felt safe and the soft contact of his skin felt so utterly intoxicating.

She nuzzled her head beneath his chin and breathed in his scent.

Cora had been dozing for a while when the sun slowly set. She turned her head until she could look at Robert. "You should go home," she said but her attempt at sending him away was weak.

"I know," he replied and his raspy voice told her he had been snoozing too. Neither of them moved.

"I like that you accompanied me home," Cora spoke softly.

"Hm, I'm glad."

"I really enjoyed it," she emphasised. "But we don't need to overdo it, right? I mean, we had a short pause, but maybe we should find the right balance instead of either not seeing each other at all or not leaving each other's side."

"Sounds reasonable." They didn't move.

"Maybe," Cora began. "Maybe we can start tomorrow with the right balance."

Robert nodded his head. "I totally agree." And so, he stayed.

The next day at work both were in a very relaxed mood. Cora couldn't help but blame it on the freshly regained nearness.

At lunch hour, Cora and Robert went down the hallway, chatting casually about next week's film programme. According to Cora, it was all nonsense what the cinema was showing lately. Robert argued there might be one or another film worth visiting. When they got in line at the cafeteria, they didn't notice John in front of them at first.

"Hey, you!" John greeted.

"Oh, hi!" Cora turned to him and smiled sweetly. "John, please tell Robert the latest film programme is worth nothing."

"You're looking for an acceptable film to watch?" John asked Robert, a subtle grin playing at the corner of his lips. Cora couldn't quite sort this reaction. Robert merely shrugged his shoulders.

"Never mind," was his short answer.

They collected their meals and sought a free table for the three of them. John reported the current state of his project and Cora reminded Robert to not forget next week's appointment with their team leader regarding the bigger project he and Cora both worked on.

Cora was considering cutting her potato in even smaller pieces than was already the case when John emitted a chuckle as an apparently amusing thought crossed his mind.

"Cora, did you know–well, of course, you'd know. Robert tells you everything" John smirked.

"Did I know what?"

"Did you know of Robert's fling? You have to agree that some fun with a girl was what he needed, right?" Cora didn't really hear what John said next because the first sentence activated the shrill panic of alarm bells in her head.

A short glance at Robert told her he panicked just as she, but there was also something in his look she dreaded to see. Being caught. And she saw that he wasn't exactly caught by John at the moment but by her. Did he know that John knew? Did he tell him? But if so, he seemingly didn't disclose that Cora herself was the girl.

"Oh, I am not so sure that a girl is doing him good," she replied to what she could remember John had said. Her eyes stayed glued on Robert.

"Why so?" John asked. Robert's confused look formed the same question.

"I think it might have him too distracted. Forgetting important things? Things he promised?"

"So, he not only neglected me then?" John inquired. "You're also losing out to his romantic life?"

Cora shrugged her shoulders and resumed her lunch silently. For a moment no one at the table dared to speak.

On their way back to their offices Cora asked Robert to her room for a short talk. As soon as the door was closed behind them, she put her hands on her hips, tilted her head to look at him sternly, and uttered a brisk, "Care to explain?"

"Well…" Robert scratched the back of his head. "John might have found out I'm having something romantic going on at the moment."

"As much I could guess. But how, pray tell? How did he find out, Robert?"

Robert squirmed uncomfortably in front of her and it only fuelled her rage.

"Robert!"

"An acquaintance of his mentioned it–" he began.

"How did his acquaintance know?" her tone was awkwardly high-pitched but she just couldn't control the flap taking over.

"Uhm, he's… he is the one that stepped in on us. In the archive." Robert's voice grew quieter with every further word. Cora felt her eyes widening in disbelief.

"So, the intruder that bothered me all the time after he caught us red-handed, the one you told me would mean no harm whatsoever, this man talked to John of all people and you knew all the time, and never considered telling me?" While she straightened her back throughout her agitated speech and rose several inches, Robert shrank like a whipped dog.

"I did consider," he said weakly. "But…"

"But?"

"But I couldn't make out what would cause more harm. You worrying terribly if I told you or me keeping this information for a while until we could laugh about it?"

Cora didn't feel like laughing and only acknowledged him with her raised eyebrows before telling him, "I can assure you the latter is causing much more harm." Her cold voice sounded foreign to her ears. It complied with the coldness reigning in her mind but was so contrary to the burning feeling spreading deep in her chest. "You better go now. As I said, we should stick to the right balance from today on. And I am convinced now the right balance does not include any time spent together at all anymore." Her voice was even colder and so very even as it hadn't been all day. Robert gulped and nodded slowly.

"I see," he breathed. For a second, he didn't move but then he turned and left her office quietly.

Cora felt miserably, terribly devasted, and all she wanted was to cry. But there was only a huge lump in her throat and this aching burn beneath her ribs.