"Kissing knuckles"

Chapter 14

Cora was dragging herself to work on Tuesday with the intention to not let her dark emotions cloud her day. It took a lot of effort but so far, she was doing rather well. She knew her plans would have been doomed had she bumped into Robert in the foyer of the institute but she had been lucky. She even managed to read some of the documents that waited for her attention on her overflowing desk. How her thoughts drifted away she didn't quite notice, though. But after only the first few hours of work, none of the words on the paper in front of her reached her consciousness anymore. Cora took in the big white margin on her documents and started doodling on them with her freshly sharpened pencils. Simple flowers at first. Faster than she could comprehend they turned into hearts. She wouldn't be pleased with herself when she would eventually realise where her subconsciousness had taken her. Reliving memories from months ago.

"I still have to stop by the post office," Cora mentioned. She walked down the square, bordering the next metro station, with Robert. They wanted to try out the new bistro Rosamund had recommended. Cora knew that once they'd made their way downtown there'd be a bunch of other things, she would remember she wanted to do in the city centre. She hoped Robert would indulge her. But he usually did.

"I think if we jump off the train one stop earlier, we can easily walk from the post office to the bistro," Robert contemplated. He nodded, affirming it to himself.

"When will there be a new exhibition at Rosamund's gallery?" Cora asked. "I really enjoyed her last one."

"Really?" Robert wasn't convinced. "I didn't get the point of these… what were they called?"

"Collages. They were perfect to highlight the ambiguity of the issue."

"Yes, maybe. But was it art?" he asked.

"Maybe you'll enjoy the next exhibition more," Cora suggested. She avoided talking arts with Robert. Once again. He didn't have the understanding she had, and this was alright.

"Maybe." He shrugged his shoulders. "I think next month she will open the new one. She told me it will be very 'colourful'."

"Oh, this sounds exciting." They reached the stairs down to the metro platform. Cora had changed her light ballet flats against new oxford shoes last week. The warm temperatures had dropped considerably over the last few days. And now she could skip down the stairs faster without fearing losing a shoe. The hard sole copied the echoing steps of the fellow passers-by. She noticed Robert's palm moving protectively under her elbow as her pace increased. Cora couldn't hold back a small smile at the gesture she was sure he didn't want her to be aware of. She went on as if nothing had happened.

There was the usual bustle on the platform, and to prevent losing each other Cora who was walking ahead of Robert, took his hand at some point to pull him with her through the crowd. His hand felt warm in hers. Her fingers usually stayed cold, especially when the summer died and was relieved by the colder days. Robert's warm palm was more present than the intense impressions on the metro station around her. As she led him to the nearest doors of the arriving train, she felt it was his hand that guided her with its unwavering warm comfort.

The metro was quite crowded as well. There was no empty seat left, and Cora and Robert stayed near the exit because they only had a few stops to go. Cora had a simple cotton bag dangling on her left arm, carrying the package she wanted to submit at the post office. As the train began rolling out of the station it started swinging, and the straps cut into her lower arm, slightly cushioned by the fabric of her coat. The small breeze that had blown outside had tangled Cora's hair. With a short nod of her head, she tried to shake an annoying strand of her outgrowing bangs from her forehead. But it fell back just like it was before. Cora pursed her lips, trying to direct the air she blew at the piece of walnut hair.

"May I?" Robert's voice proposed softly. He leaned slightly in her direction so that she could hear him without a problem. Cora's eyes focused onto her strand at his words, and she felt the heat rising into her face. But Robert's hands reached for her tote bag, and she felt rather foolish.

"Oh, thanks!" She stripped the bag from her arm. Robert tried to put it over his shoulder while he only shortly let go of the handrail. With her now free hand, Cora readjusted her hair a little, pushing her old bangs behind her ears, straightening out the tangled extents of the dark brown mass of hair. Robert, whose gaze was tentatively and a little moonily focused on Cora and the movements of her hand, swung the bag over his arm a little unmindful so that he slightly knocked another passenger into the side.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" he instantly uttered and turned around to estimate the damage. Cora could picture the remorseful expression of the puppy eyes that probably showed on Robert's face, even though his back was turned to her. She watched his other hand kneading the straps of the bag over his shoulder a little distressed.

"It's alright," the middle-aged man murmured only to turn his look back onto his phone again, scrolling through the news app.

Quite a few people left the train at the next station, and Cora and Robert closed ranks a little in the newly created space. Cora smiled as their eyes met for a moment, and Robert's boyish grin kept the smile plastered on her face. She turned away, her serene smile directed out the window with nothing to focus on but the blurred grey walls they passed. Cora and Robert swayed synchronously in the moving train. As they rolled into the right station, Robert nodded to the door, signalling that they had to get off. When the train was about to halt, a couple holding hands used the small gap between the two of them to push through the manageable bulk of people in front of the doors and get out briskly. Being separated now, Robert and Cora had to leave the train each on their own. Robert made it to the escalator first and turned around to look out for Cora. He waited at the feet of the staircase but Cora waved him to get on the escalator already. She would easily follow him. He did step on the next stair but stood sideways, not totally breaking the contact to Cora. Even though she caught up to him when he was almost at the top, they just really had each other's full attention when they sat down at a small corner table in the bistro after submitting Cora's parcel. They had slipped off their coats and taken seats across from each other, slightly secluded from the business in the restaurant. Cora sat with her back to the room while Robert had the spot right at the wall with just a tub of indoor fern between the corner of the room and himself. Cora sighed when she finally sank back into the chair and she felt they had escaped the chaos of the city for a while.

"Well, let's see if the sandwiches are really as good here as Rosamund claimed," Cora said and rubbed her hands to ban the cold that clutched her fingers, at least a little.

"I don't trust her taste in arts but I do trust her taste in food," Robert stated with a jokingly serious expression. Cora chuckled which made Robert's resolve crack a little too, and she saw the corner of his mouth twitching. She grinned, exposing the upper row of her teeth and mustered his face. She liked his lips she decided. Not for the first time. She had had the same thought multiple times already, but it was like a new revelation time and time again.

"The menu." A young waiter had appeared behind Cora, a slightly grubby apron hanging loosely on his hips. Cora turned her head as he put the two menus on a stack onto the table between Robert and her. The waiter nodded shortly, scratched his head which tousled his wavy mess of hair even more, and left them to resume his position behind the counter.

Robert took the cardboard menu that lay atop and handed it to Cora. She mustered the front cover.

"This is cute," she stated, and her index traced the illustration on the front.

"Hm?" Robert looked up.

"These tomatoes and salads are cute, don't you think?"

"Sure." He squinted his eyes a little to muster the images. Cora knew he wasn't entirely convinced. But his 'sure' wasn't one of the sure's that were uttered automatically without even having listened to the before-said. It was a 'sure' that was said because he wanted it to be true. He wanted to think the same as she. He tried to see it, by slightly tilting the cardboard, by squinting his eyes, by trying to adopt her look at it.

Cora opened the menu. There were more types of sandwiches than she had anticipated. She got why Rosamund had said winkingly, "A visit at this bistro will set you in a good mood." All the different dishes had amusing names, very much fitting Ros' sense of humour. Cora scanned the names first before she even looked as much at the ingredients of the sandwiches. Last slap-up meal. She grinned. She inhaled to say something to catch Robert's attention while she lifted her head. For a second longer, she stayed silent, though, watching Robert adjusting the small red-white-chequered table mat in the centre of the table. He had the pot of basil that was actually placed on top in his right hand and straightened the table mat with his left hand.

"You'd be a better waiter."

"What?" he looked at her with raised eyebrows. Cora only grinned cheekily in response. As her words slowly seeped into his consciousness, he tipped his head to the side and looked at her defiantly. "Why do you always want to assign me other jobs? Last week, you said I would be a good professional dog walker after we met a little puppy in the park, and a while ago, you meant I'd make a respectable librarian."

'I also said you'd make a good underwear model,' she thought, remembering the night of last Saturday, but thought better as to say it out loud.

"Am I so bad at my current job? Do you want to get rid of me?"

"No, of course not," Cora said appeasingly and covered his hand that rested on the tabletop with her palms. "You know I enjoy working with you," she said softly.

"I would hope so," he concluded. His voice was calmed, but the way he looked at her, flaring his lashes, made Cora's insides go mushy in a manner she had told herself was inappropriate and to be avoided at quite some cost. But he had caught her off guard.

She shook her head vigorously. Darn it! This was absolutely the wrong direction her thoughts were wandering. She had to talk sense into herself! No sloppy sentimentality. No looking for affection where there was merely sympathy, well and maybe also a good deal of amicable harmony. Robert's performance over the last months had been quite convincing she had to admit. But her stupid mind should stop telling her it was real romance. Somehow, she thought, somehow, she had to learn to stop romanticising each and every aspect of life around her.