"Kissing knuckles"

Chapter 16

Cora was still out and about tonight. She had thought, fleeing her own four walls would offer a good fair of distraction. That had been her intention. And for a moment, seeing other people with all their own plans, and goals, and problems had helped. Somewhere in the back of her head, it reminded her of one of the reasons she had fallen in love with London and had decided to base her next phase in life in this city across the Atlantic. She loved London not least because of its people.

But in the course of the evening fate had turned against her blatantly. It wasn't a calamity in itself to stumble upon Rosamund, no. But it was on under the current circumstances.

Cora was walking down a well-attended food boulevard, just because it was so particularly full of people. Tonight, Cora wanted to dissolve in the mass. She already sensed she wouldn't stay out for very long but felt like a few other impressions would do her good. She hadn't been very inspired to visit a lot of the stores that exuded the shopping spirit to perfection. That had actually been her destination when she had left her flat instantly after coming home from work. The walls had closed in on her, and Cora had thought – after having attempted so many different methods to cope already – she had to give shopping a try. That was what was proclaimed after all. That consumption was soothing all inner turmoil. Even if only for a second. But as she had been downtown, nothing had seemed farther away than indulging in the volatile distraction of consuming. So, all Cora had been doing until dusk was walking. Walking past people, through groups of people, among people. As long as she wasn't entirely on her own.

But then there had been too much human interaction.

"Cora!"

She whirled around and saw Rosamund walking in her direction. A mature lady followed the tall redhead a bit more slowly.

"Hey, Rosamund," Cora greeted. She tried smiling but felt a lump growing in her throat that made the whole ordeal feel forced. Why did everything around her have to remind her of Robert? She needed space to cope properly.

"How nice to see you! That's quite lucky! I already thought it would take ages until I'd see you again," Rosamund said as she reached Cora.

"Oh, why so?" Cora brushed a strand of hair from her face. She hoped it would stay a light conversation and she could head back home soon.

"Well, Robert told me that you two… well–"

"What? What did he tell you?" Cora interrupted. She didn't mean to get so agitated but Rosamund's words and her hesitating way of delivering them alarmed her.

"He only said that you each were pursuing your own stuff at the moment," Rosamund said cautiously.

"Oh, well, yes." Cora nodded. She couldn't look Rosamund in the eyes. Her look was directed at the pavement.

Someone next to them harrumphed. "Hello, I believe we never really met. But you must be Cora then." Cora looked up and saw the elder woman that had now caught up with Rosamund. Only now, Cora did realise who that was.

Cora nodded unsurely. "Hello, Mrs Crawley." Robert's mother mustered Cora briefly but seemed to not miss an inch of her appearance. She then turned to Rosamund.

"Rosamund, what is the delay? We have a dinner to attend to. I'm sure there is not much to catch up on for you two anyway," she said.

"Well, actually there is," Rosamund rebuked. "And we are very early for dinner. You can go ahead if you want to."

"Don't be stupid! We will go inside together," Mrs Crawley answered with a wave of her hand. She then looked into the traffic as if that was enough to leave Rosamund and Cora some privacy for their talk.

Rosamund directly picked up where they had left off. "But everything's alright, isn't it?" she asked.

"Sure," Cora said with a smile. "There is just not much time for leisure and friends right now," she tried to put off with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Yeah, Robert said as much. But I was quite surprised that he said there were more important things. I always thought your impact on him had greatly been that he realised that work isn't the number one priority."

That hurt.

"He said there were more important things?" Cora repeated. She gulped but the lump only grew bigger and her throat constricted painfully. She didn't know why she asked. The last thing she wanted to do was talk about Robert and his lack of feelings.

"Yes, but since you aren't that close anymore it's not entirely illogical. Still, I don't get why exactly you aren't close anymore. Did something happen?" Rosamund inquired.

Against her will, Cora felt her eyes getting wet. She shook her head and hoped Rosamund didn't notice. "You just sometimes grow apart," she breathed. "Rosamund, I do have to go now. I'm short on time," Cora hurried to say before she made a step around Rosamund to walk down the street, away from the heartache that lurked behind every corner.

"No, wait! Robert's coming just now. He'll be happy to see you," Rosamund said as she blocked Cora's way. She pointed down the pavement to where Robert must be making his way to them.

Cora shook her head. "I really have to go. Say hello to him from me!" she brought out. It was only a mere set phrase. She would prefer Rosamund not to deliver any message.

"Well, see you again soon then," Rosamund called behind Cora, who already submerged in a large group of tourists that slowly made their way past the overflowing restaurants. When she felt that she was entirely out of sight and safe to have escaped the unpleasant situation, Cora exhaled forcefully.

She didn't want to think about anything that had just happened. She wanted to erase Rosamund's words completely from her memory. Cora didn't want to know that Robert didn't care. That he told, they weren't close anymore and that there were more important things. He had probably only said the truth but Cora didn't want the truth right now. She wanted comfort. Easy and uncomplicated comfort. And God, the truth couldn't give her that at the moment.

Cora hoped crawling into bed and burying her face into a pillow would be enough to shut off her mind and find the tiniest bit of comfort. She wanted to fall asleep and wake up once everything looked brighter again.