This is the longest short story I have ever written. It's longer than every individual chapter I've written so far in my life. (Not combined, just if you compare the size of each one individually to this, they will all be shorter.) I don't know how I did it, but somehow I did. I guess it's my Christmas gift to myself.

So, without further ado, please enjoy.

Newsies Watching Rudolph

December, 1999

'Twas the afternoon before Winter Break, and all through the school, many creatures were stirring, including the fool, Jack Kelly, who had just burst through the theater doors, ran up onto the stage, and yelled to everyone in Medda Larkin's class: "It's ostracized reindeer movie time!"

So, as usual, Davey had no idea what was going on. He turned to Specs, the person next to him, and asked, "What?"

Specs turned sideways in his seat to clarify. "Y'know, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?"

"Like the song?"

"Well, yes, but a movie."

"There's a movie?"

Romeo, sitting on the other side of Specs, leaned forward so Davey could see him. "Yeah, it's a classic Christmas movie."

"Uh… I don't celebrate Christmas."

"Oh."

"You don't have to celebrate it to enjoy the movie, though," said Sarah, turning around in her seat to face her brother. "And you might as well watch it with us now. But don't say anything, 'cause if Jack finds out you've never seen it-"

"You've neva' seen Rudolph?" gasped Jack, appearing suddenly with Race at his side.

"No," Davey answered, unsure as to why everyone was suddenly obsessed with a movie he had never seen.

"But it's the best movie there is about an ostracized reindeer," Race said, faking offense. "How can ya not 'ave seen it?"

"Well, reindeer aren't exactly involved in Hanukkah."

"I know, but Kath and Sarah watched it with us last year- oh, right…"

Jack shook his head as Race came to the conclusion that Davey had not, in fact, gone to the same school as the newsies the year before. Then he pulled his friend out of the seat, instructing, "C'mon up ta the stage, Dave."

Davey glanced over at the stage, on top of which a projector was mounted. Around the projector, there was already a large crowd of teenagers eager to watch the movie. "Why?"

"Newbies gotta sit up close."

"Up close with the people who've seen it way too many times," Sarah pointed out.

Dragging Davey into the aisle, Jack made a show of saying, "Ya can sit wit me an' Race, an' Crutchie an' Kath," a phrase that caused Sarah to follow her arch-nemesis as well as her brother, eager to get a seat next to the student teacher.

Once all of the newsies- except for the half dozen people who sat in the first row of the audience instead- had crowded onto the stage and gotten themselves settled, the lights were turned off, and the movie began, projected on the wall at the back of the stage. It did not start out in the way Davey had expected; it wasn't all happy and Christmassy right off the bat. Instead, there was first a montage of black-and-white photos and fake newspaper headlines, all involving a blizzard of some kind. After those had passed, the image on screen became a clay snowman wearing a green plaid vest and a matching bowler hat. In one of his hands, he held a green umbrella. The snowman slid slowly through the snow while giving his festive monologue. Davey felt extremely lost (he'd been expecting reindeer) until the mustached character made a mention of Santa Claus and gestured to what he referred to as "the first castle on the left."

You mean, the only castle on the left, thought Davey, seeing no other castles. No sooner had he thought that before the snowman said more or less the same thing. So the humor was predictable.

The scene shifted to a dining room within the castle, where a Santa-looking guy sat in a big chair at the head of the long table, being encouraged to consume spoonfuls of nothing by a woman Davey could only assume was supposed to be Mrs. Claus. "'Eat papa, eat!'" The newsies encouraged, along with the character. They were only a couple minutes in, and this movie-watching event was already a strange experience.

When the screen returned to Sam the snowman, Davey started to wonder when Rudolph was going to come in. Almost immediately, his question was answered, for the snowman referenced reindeer. "But do you recall… the most famous reindeer of all…" Sam began to sing. The opening credits came across the theater wall, displayed on little clay gift boxes and evergreen trees.

Barely a moment had passed between the first second of credits and the beginning of instrumental holiday music, but that was enough time for all of the newsies- even Crutchie, who Davey had thought was also new to the film- to start singing along. At one point, the first name Romeo was shown to belong to someone who had worked on the film, causing Romeo to jump up from his seat, exclaiming, "Hey, that's me!" To Romeo's dismay, the rest of the group didn't share his enthusiasm. They all went right on singing. There weren't even any lyrics included in the songs being played; everyone present had the words memorized. Sarah had been correct in saying that the group on stage was full of people who had seen the movie way too many times.

More evidence to this claim was not needed, as Davey was already certain he had gotten himself into quite the situation by agreeing to sit by Jack. Nonetheless, evidence was provided as the first scene following the credits commenced, in which the existence of Rudolph- a baby at this point in the film- was finally made known.

"It's really… not," Smalls commented as the female reindeer called "Mrs. Donner" made a remark about Rudolph being a lovely name. From her tone and the way no one paid any attention to the fact that she was talking, Davey could tell the comment was something Smalls had said multiple times before.

When the nose of baby Rudolph flashed bright red, Jack quoted in time with the onscreen reindeer, Donner, "'His beak blinks like a blinkin' beacon!'" He then grinned at his friends as if the phrase were the height of comedy. Disapproving of this action proved impossible for Davey; he couldn't help laughing at Jack's attention-seeking smile.

More of the movie went by and the audience remained in a relatively calm state until the clay Santa appeared again. This time, he had come, to Davey's horror, for the purpose of singing a song. It was something about reindeer flying a sleigh and the jingle bells on their harnesses, which would not have been all that entertaining to view without the added bonus of watching a group of teenagers sing along. They had an unusual amount of passion for dueting with an animated Santa Claus. Albert even brought out a set of jingle bells; where he had gotten them, nobody knew. The bells were quickly commandeered by Race, and Specs had to wrestle the instrument away from the younger boy before he could drive everyone insane with the constant noise. Thankfully, Specs succeeded right as the music was dying out, meaning the next part could be watched without jingly interference.

There was, however, interference from the newsies, all of whom decided to yell "Shut up, Donner!" at the exact same time. But Davey didn't mind this. That character was currently being a jerk about his son's unusually red nose. He deserved to be insulted by a group of people that may or may not have been aware he was fictional. Katherine, sitting nearby, was the only member of the group to make a different comment in addition to yelling at the so-called father. She cheered for Mrs. Donner being a supportive mother and not insulting her son.

Davey forced himself to get into the theme of making random comments to the fictional characters when the scene changed once again, this time to a workshop room full of elves. One of the creatures in question- a short little character with a long swoop of blonde hair- made a remark about hating Christmas. Davey replied with a sarcastic phrase: "No! Not hating Christmas!"

The elf went on to say that he wasn't into his job, which of course was making toys. This prompted Sarah to make a comment of her own. "Oh no! What ever will you do?"

An announcement of "Hermey doesn't like to make toys! Hermey doesn't like to make toys!" rippled quickly throughout the onscreen elves and the newsies in the audience.

As the boss elf and Hermey's fellow employees vacated the room, Davey guessed, "So this Hermey guy's gonna quit, isn't he?"

Jack neither confirmed nor denied this. All he said was, "Don't ask questions, Dave."

A second later, after Hermey the elf sang a little song about how he was a misfit and was going to quit his job before they fired him, Davey cried out in triumph, "I knew it!" but his excitement was not shared. Everyone was more concerned with poking fun at the short members of the group.

"'Such is the life of an elf,'" the narrating snowman and Jack said at the same time, except Jack stuck his tongue out at Smalls and ruffled Crutchie's hair as he spoke the line.

Next, the film returned to Rudolph, who was being encouraged by his father to hide his glowing nose with some dirt that had been scraped off the floor of their cave. Davey had to remind himself that the characters on screen were reindeer, and as such would not be bothered by such an unsanitary thing. Rudolph retreated outside the cave to sit in the falling snow and sing a sadder version of the elf's quitting song.

"You okay, Crutch?" Jack asked, making Davey look over at the blonde boy, who had tucked his good leg up to his chest so that he could bury his face in his knee.

Now, he raised his head, displaying a clearly forced smile. Nodding fervently, Crutchie's voice cracked as he insisted, "I'm fine."

"Aw, c'mere." Smiling, Jack pulled Crutchie to him.

"Crutchie," Smalls teased, "is da reindeer movie makin' ya feel things?"

"No," came Crutchie's muffled response. His face was now hidden in Jack's shoulder.

"Shush," Jack told the smirking girl, "this movie used ta make you cry too."

"No it didn't!" Smalls protested.

Sniper swiveled around to ask, "Aw, really? That's so cute-"

"No it isn't!"

"An' it ain't true, neither," Race put in. "Jack was always da one bawlin'."

"You got no evidence ta prove that," Jack retorted.

"I got my memories."

"So like I said, no evidence."

"Please," said Katherine, "you used to hum the misfit song when you were sad during the holidays."

"Shut up, Kath!"

"All of you, shut up!" Albert yelled, louder than anyone else had been previously. "We're tryin' ta watch!" Finch, sitting next to him, flinched and moved to a spot on Sniper's other side, where less harm would come to his eardrums.

Davey returned his attention to the film at hand, in which a reindeer with a tuft of blonde hair (fur?) had just introduced himself to Rudolph. Fireball happened to be the character's name, and he certainly was a ball of energy. This reminded Davey of someone he knew. "Hey look, it's Race," he said, nudging Jack and pointing.

Jack laughed, but Race scoffed. "That ain't me. My name ain't nearly as weird as 'Fireball'."

"Sure it ain't, Racetrack," Finch replied.

By the time the movie came back to Santa and his elves, Crutchie had recovered from feeling sad, just in time for him to join Smalls, Romeo, and Specs in singing along to the next song. "'We are Santa's elves, filling Santa's shelves…'"

At the conclusion of that song, Jack turned to Davey, grabbed hold of his shoulders, and demanded, "'WHY WEREN'T YOU AT ELF PRACTICE!'"

"Maybe Hermey wasn't there 'cause he ain't actually an elf," suggested Henry.

Davey shoved Jack away, pretending not to be startled from the sudden shaking. "What do you mean?"

"Look at him," Henry pointed at the screen. "There's no way he's an elf."

"He looks like all the other elves."

"Except that he doesn't," said Elmer. "He's got round ears, he has hair, and his nose is smaller."

"Well, they had to differentiate him somehow."

"He's also awful at making toys. And he wants to be a dentist."

Davey had somehow missed this fact. "A dentist?"

"That's his entire characta', Mouth, how'dja miss it?" Albert wanted to know.

"Y'all won't stop talkin', tha's how," explained Finch.

In the movie, Rudolph jumped at least ten feet in the air, yelling, "I'M CUTE! I'M CUTE! SHE SAID I'M CUTE!" as he flew around.

"Hey, it's Jack!" Crutchie called, in reference to the character.

Everyone agreed except for Jack himself, and Sarah, to Davey's surprise. "Katherine's no Clarice," she said, looking at her older friend.

To this, Katherine shrugged. "I'll allow it. For today."

Sarah didn't get a chance to say anything more on that subject, for she interrupted herself by yelling "What the hell?" at Santa Claus, who was making fun of Rudolph along with practically every other character in the movie.

Jack shook his head. "This Santa's an asshole."

"And regular Santa isn't?" Davey questioned.

Crutchie mumbled, "Naw, he jus' stalks people."

"Oh, okay." Davey refocused on the movie. Now the doe with a polka-dotted bow- Clarice- was singing a song about dreams and tomorrow.

As she sang, a pair of rabbits and a pair of raccoons appeared to back her up, causing Romeo to shout, "Clarice is a Disney princess!"

"See, Kath?" Sarah went on with her point, "You're nothing like Clarice. You don't sing like a thirty-year-old woman, and you aren't a Disney princess."

"Uh…" Katherine didn't seem to know how to respond to this. In the end, she went with, "Sure. I definitely don't fall into either of those categories."

The song ended, and Clarice's father, a generic brown reindeer, came out of the trees. He instructed her to leave Rudolph to go home on his own, something about that little reindeer not being someone Clarice should associate with, because he wasn't like everyone else and therefore wasn't good enough for her. Sarah slapped her forehead with her palm while Katherine narrowed her eyes at Clarice's father. Meanwhile, Finch and Sniper were telling that same character to eff off.

"Sorry," Sniper apologized, after the fact. "But that guy sucks. I mean, just leave yer daughter alone already," she told the screen.

"I hear ya." Katherine reprimanded the screen as well. "Quit being so strict!"

"An' stop judgin' her friends!" Sniper added, in unison with Finch.

"Look atcha, gettin' all upset about Clarice," Smalls beamed. "Cute."

Sniper's answer to this was a simple, "Shut up."

Finch said, "She can't help that this movie's so damn relatable."

"This is a movie about reindeer," Davey raised his eyebrows.

"And elves," Jack reminded him, gesturing to the film.

They watched Hermey the elf pop out of a mound of snow Rudolph was sitting against, asking, "Oh, is this your snowbank?"

Before Davey knew it, Jack was on his feet, bringing Crutchie up with him. Race stood up too, wrapping one arm around each of the boys' shoulders. "'Whaddaya say we both be independent together?'" the curly-haired boy quoted the elf.

After that, the misfit song made a comeback, with all the newsies getting up to sing along. That was the last straw for the few members of the group who had opted to sit in the actual audience area of the theater; they all made their way onto the stage now, crowding into whatever space was left.

"We can't freakin' see down there," one of the twins complained.

The other one joined in the singing, yelling "'They can't fire me, I QUIT!'" at the top of his lungs.

"'What's the matter with misfits, that's where we fit in!'" Jack finished the song, plopped back down where he had been sitting.

Skeptically, Davey said, "You really see yourself in this reindeer movie."

"Yes, shut up."

Davey did, paying attention to the snowman's narration and looking on as Rudolph and Hermey walked off into the distance, where a blizzard was beginning.

"That really ain't a good idea," said Tommy Boy.

Les, sitting on the older boy's lap, agreed and told the characters, "You kinda forgot you were in Antarctica."

Choosing not to take the advice of the humans watching them, the reindeer and the elf continued wandering through the ice-covered mountains. There was no sense of direction or planned destination between the two of them. When they encountered the movie's villain, the Abominable Snowman, Mush got up and walked over to ask, "Hey Jack, can we skip this part?"

"Why?" Les demanded, "Are you scared, Mushy?"

"No," Mush was obviously offended by the nine-year-old boy questioning his bravery. Despite this, he repeated the question.

Jack shook his head. "Nope."

"Jack, please, I'm begging you."

The next reply was the same, and a defeated Mush returned to his seat. Davey was about to ask what was wrong with this part of the film, why the boy was so desperate, but a man on a sled led by a team of dogs appeared on the screen. With this arrival, his questions were quickly dispelled.

Blink shoved his boyfriend playfully, joining the bearded character in shouting, "'Mush! Mush! Muuuuush!'"

Predictably, the other newsies did the same, milking the joke for all it was worth. "'Mush! Mush! Mush!'" This lasted well after the character, Yukon Cornelius, had finished ordering his dogs to move.

Mush's face was bright red by the time the crowd finally quieted down. "Ev'ry. Damn. Year." He muttered as Yukon rambled about mining for gold and silver.

"Why are you expecting to find silver and gold inside the Arctic?"

Davey's question was met with the obligatory "Don't ask questions, Dave," from Jack.

According to Sam the snowman, silver and gold were what every person wished for on Christmas morning. Jojo was quick to dispute this claim. "Does anyone really wish for gold and silver?"

Buttons gave them an incredulous look. "Um, 'solid gold watch wit a chain ta twirl it' ring any bells for ya?"

"I meant besides me."

"Oh, then no one does."

In the movie, Yukon Cornelius declared, "Do-it-yourself icebergs!" as he used his pickaxe to create a method of escape for himself and the two main characters.

"That's what everyone needs," Specs said.

Davey turned to Jack as the film checked back in with the other reindeer. "Is that explorer guy mentally okay?"

"Yukon?" Jack replied, disregarding the "don't ask questions" rule. "No, not at all."

"Is anyone gonna talk about his sled dogs?" Crutchie asked, "One a' them's literally a poodle."

"This movie is insane," said Davey.

Jack faked a gasp. "How dare you!"

From the other side of the stage, Katherine was reprimanding the screen for about the millionth time. "Will you please shut up, Donner?" And then, a second later, "You go, Mrs. Donner! Go find your son!"

"Relax," Sarah told her. "Please."

The main characters had reappeared, now wandering a different range of icy mountains. They walked up to a small purple box, and Davey, curious, wanted to know: "Is that a Jack-in-the-box?"

"No," answered Crutchie, just as the box opened, revealing that it was indeed a Jack-in-the-box.

"What do you mean-"

Jack cut him off. "Don't ask questions." Davey obeyed, suspecting the answer to his wondering would be revealed in a moment. Sure enough, it was, by both Jack and the not-a-Jack-in-the-box. They both proclaimed, "'No child wants to play with a Charlie-in-the-box!'" but Jack of course took the opportunity to ruffle Crutchie's hair while he quoted, and Crutchie shot him such an offended look it made the older boy backtrack. "Okay, geez, I'm sorry. Don' look at me like that, ya misfit toy."

Satisfied, Crutchie began singing, "'We're on the island of misfit toys…'" which cued yet another three minutes of the newsies shouting the words to a song.

During this extravaganza, a doll with braided red hair and a checkered dress came on screen, prompting Race to ask, "Okay, what's the deal wit this doll?"

"Ya ask that ev'ry year," Albert told him. "An' we've toldja. We don't know."

"Some kid prob'ly just abandoned her," Jack reasoned.

"That's still nothin' special," Smalls responded.

"Yeah," Race agreed, "my parents abandoned me, an' ya don't see me singin' about it." He followed his statement by singing, "'We're all misfits!'"

"Davey," Les turned around to face his brother. "Can I have a cowboy that rides an ostrich?"

"That doesn't exist," Davey said simply.

"Sure it does," Sarah cut in, "just put Jack on an ostrich."

"Hey!" Jack yelled.

"Yer a cowboy, Jack," Crutchie ruffled his friend's hair. "Accept it."

Les had another request. "How about a water pistol that shoots jelly?"

Davey had never been more concerned about his little brother. "Absolutely not."

"Spotted elephant?"

"Also doesn't exist. Be quiet and watch the movie."

Les stayed quiet, but Race wasn't. He mumbled, "Spot Conlon ain't nowhere near da size of an elephant." Everybody else ignored this comment.

Rudolph, Hermey, and Yukon Cornelius were now talking to a griffin creature wearing a crown, who was telling them that they couldn't stay on the island because they weren't toys.

"Really, man?" was what Finch had to say to that.

Sniper added, "You've got a bird in a fishbowl there. That ain't a freakin' toy."

"Dammit, Sniper, why'dja bring that up?" Albert cried, "Now I'm wonderin' how da hell this bird stays alive!"

Finch patted his shoulder. "He prob'ly eats fish, Al."

"Oh. That makes sense."

"Ya know what don't make sense?" Smalls pointed at the screen, where the main characters were settling into bed. "This tiny house they're stayin' in. What's it there for? We don't see none a' da otha' toys livin' in houses."

"Why're ya questionin' da movie all of a sudden?" Jack questioned.

"'Cause we all know how it ends."

"Right."

As the main reindeer floated away on an iceberg, Romeo shouted, "Rudolph, you idiot, don't abandon your friends!"

"Yeah, that's not a good way to solve your problems," said Davey, with a glance at Jack.

"Rudolph existed as best he could," the snowman told the audience in a voiceover.

"Since when was him existing an issue?" Specs asked before adding a moment later: "Oh, I see, he's playin' wit polar bears."

Still narrating, the snowman continued, "During all that time, a strange and wonderful thing was happening."

"PUBERTY!" chorused Mike and Ike. It took all of Davey's willpower to not laugh at that. He was supposed to have been far too mature to have jokes such as that one amuse him.

By this time, most of the newsies were getting fidgety and tired of the movie they had seen millions of times before. Various conversations broke out, as most people decided to only half pay attention. Davey caught the occasional comment directed at the fictional characters, such as Albert telling the Abominable Snowman to "Eat her faster, you idiot!" when the monster failed to consume Clarice before Rudolph could come to her rescue.

There was also a sarcastic comment of "Well, that's stealthy," from Sarah. This was in response to Yukon Cornelius, who had decided to yell loudly while trying to sneak into the Abominable's cave.

For this same sneaking attempt, Hermey the elf was told to oink as a diversion, and Race made pig sounds right along with him. Moments later, Davey gaped as it was revealed that the dentist elf had somehow managed to remove every single one of the monster's teeth. "I thought this was supposed to be a kid's movie." Jack shrugged. His eyes seemed to say, what can ya do?

Continuing to be mentally unstable, Yukon Cornelius chased the Abominable off of a cliff and ended up falling over with him. Les gasped, "'Yukon!'" in the same tone as all the shocked animated characters.

"Don' worry, Shortstop, he ain't dead," Tommy Boy assured him.

"Yeah, I know," Les replied. "It's a kid's movie."

The main characters returned to the palace of Santa, where Christmas Eve preparations were taking place. With their return, the other characters had, according to Sam the snowman, "Come to realize they were a little hard on the misfits."

"No, really?" was Crutchie's disgruntled reply to this.

After the main characters were accepted back into Christmastown society, it was revealed that the bearded explorer was in fact alive. Conveniently, the Abominable was alive as well, because of the fact Jack was eager to quote: "'Bumbles bounce!'" Since all of the monster's teeth were now gone, its job was to put the star on top of the Christmas tree, a feat for which all the newsies cheered.

But the film wasn't over yet. Santa had decided that it was too foggy outside for him to deliver presents. Therefore, Christmas was canceled. When the character declared this, Davey exclaimed, "You can't cancel Christmas! People have tried, and it can't be done!"

That was the moment Rudolph was really and truly accepted by the big man himself, with the iconic line: "Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

"Oh, so now you appreciate him," said Katherine, indignant. "I see how it is." A second later, she was once again crying in exasperation, "Shut up already, Donner!" when the older reindeer claimed he had known Rudolph would be useful all along.

More newsie singing happened when the song "Holly Jolly Christmas" began. While the song played, conversations covering a variety of topics- Santa gaining weight within two minutes, the strangeness of the interactions between him and Mrs. Claus, and whether or not Yukon should have just shot the Abominable with the gun in his toolbelt- ensued. Most of these were courtesy of Henry and Elmer.

"Stop theorizin'," Jack told them.

The second song Davey actually recognized, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", started up, or rather, ended then: "He went down in history!"

"Well, Dave, what'dja think?" Jack asked as the movie wrapped up.

"You were right," Davey answered. "This is definitely the best movie about an ostracized reindeer."

"I knew you'd like it."

Jack smiled, and Davey did the same, watching Santa fly across the screen in his reindeer-driven sleigh. The character faded into the cloudy distance, bellowing, "Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!"

Like I said, this was massive. I hope you enjoyed it, and that you had a good holiday!

As usual, please leave a review with any comments, questions, or anything else. Just tell me what you thought.

Thanks for reading, Merry Christmas, and seasons greetings!