I apologize in advance.

Review Responses:

Hufflepufdraws: I'M SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED SO MUCH AND THAT I CHEERED YOU UP! SLINGSHOTZ SUPREMACY!

Dylan Quagmir: The reference I didn't even mean to make, woo! Thanks for pointing out the mistake, I'll fix it eventually. (It was supposed to be something in the vein of "the credits rolled across the blackboard", no idea where the s came from.)

JustVildaPotter: WOO YOU FINALLY GOT TO IT! Thanks! It sure it's shocking, isn't it. So against my brand.

Why did I come up with a depressing idea while on holiday? I have no goddamn clue, please don't ask.

Even In July

Dear Jack,

Greetings from the Ruth Edgar Franklin Uriel Grace Eileen Memorial Hospital. How are you? Stupid question, I guess, given the circumstances. You'll be happy to know I'm doing okay. And before you jump to conclusions, I'm telling the truth. Really, I am, so don't you dare haul your ass all the way over here because you're worried. You know I don't like you worrying.

If Race is a credible source, you finally moved in with Katherine yesterday, didn't you? So congrats for that! Sorry I wasn't much help with the packing. (Kidding.) Who's gonna get the apartment now that you've left it? I'm sure you're saving the space for me, but the way I see it, I'm stuck here for the time being. Until I get out, someone else should get some use out of the place, you know? Maybe Davey would take it. You should ask him. I know you guys haven't been talking since… well, you know what, but I hope you start again. I've gotta know you'll have other people to turn to in case…

Sorry. It's been on my mind lately. Dr. Snyder says I'm getting better every day, and I know I should believe him, but it's hard. It's so hard, Jack, you have no idea. And all this physical therapy stuff we're doing, I don't see how it helps. We did this one thing the other day: soaked me all the way in a tub of warm water. It felt real good, just sitting there, but then Snyder had me try to move my leg and well…

And the worst part is I tried, Jack, I really did. But I couldn't get it to do anything at all. It isn't fair, why can't anything ever work? I'm tired of being in pain, I just wanna go home! I want to see you and Specs and the others and not have you looking at me like you're afraid I'll disappear any second. I'm sick of being afraid.

I'm sick of being sick.

Anyway. So, Race and Albert came to visit yesterday, right? They're just as stupid as ever. (Not that I expected anything less.) Is Race ever going to pop the question to Spot? And will Al ever have any luck getting a date? They're both twenty now, I mean, come on.

But that's off the point. When we were talking yesterday, they came up with this whole plan to break me outta here. "Tie a sheet to the bed, toss the end out the window, climb down…"

Obviously, they weren't accounting for the leg. And I don't think Race was aware my room's on the third floor…

Regardless, I'm not sure I could just take off and leave here. They've got me on so many drugs right now, if I left for a day I dunno what would happen. (Gotta have those daily shots.)

Maybe, though. Someday. If I get so bad that it won't matter anyway, I think I'll tell them to bust me out.

Not tonight, obviously. Like I said, I'm okay right now. For real. (IF YOU GET WORRIED I WILL BOX YOUR EARS!)

I guess it's bad that I haven't slept much lately. But I always sleep during the day! Or I try to, anyway. Dr. Snyder keeps telling me the lack of sleep will just make it worse, but if my leg ain't right anyway, how much does it really matter?

Look, my one goal is to make sure old Pulitzer goes down before me, so I'll be around a while yet. This tumor won't beat me that easily. And at the very least, I'm gonna make it to your next birthday.

See Jack, I was thinking I'd ask to leave for a couple days or a few weeks or something. If you're up for it, we might head out to Santa Fe for a little while. I know it's far, and expensive, but I've got money. And it's just sitting in my savings account right now, might as well use it up.

Now, I know what you're saying. "We can't just go," and to that I say, shut the hell up, cowboy. You were always the one saying we'd go there someday. I know you're a bit more mature now (or so you'd like me to think) but come on man! Have a little imagination!

It's clean and green and pretty out there, I'm sure it is, just like you said. No buildings in your way and all that. Every day (on your birthday especially), we're gonna ride Palominos, and swim in the Rio Grande, and it'll be great. It'll be so great.

Finch has said train travel is shit, but I don't believe him. I'm sure it's not that bad, and once that train makes Santa Fe, it's all going to be worth it. Besides, anything's a vacation compared to being stuck here. Damn this place.

I wanna feel sun again, it's been so long since I've felt sun. And rain, too. Just to be outside… that would be something.

At least I've got your paintings in here. That's my only consolation. Hey, actually, not to get all sappy or anything, but if my plans can't work out…

Go to New Mexico and paint me something real pretty, will you?

Don't freak, I'll be right beside you when you do. As everyone says, I'll be fine in no time. Eventually the treatments will work properly, and I'll be good as new, promise.

But that painting. You'll do it, won't you? Just in case? I don't wanna ask you for anything, I don't, but I need you to do that one thing.

Scratch that, two things. If-

If something happens, you tell all the fellas I want them to be happy, alright? I don't want anything to change when I'm gone. You all have to protect one another, always, okay?

And for Pete's sake, speak to Davey! You guys were friends way before you dated, let the drama go!

Okay sorry, that's a bit harsh. But seriously Jack, don't be a dumbass! Davey will understand. Everyone knew you were gonna choose Katherine in the end, even me, and you know how I felt about you.

Well feel, I guess. Sort of. I think a part of me is always going to think about you as more than a best friend or a brother, and there's nothing I can do about it.

I love you, Jack Kelly. I really do. That's all I am, honestly, when you get down to it. A sickly, skinny nineteen-year-old with a dumb boyish crush on Jack Kelly. And hey, if that's my legacy, then so be it. There are always worse things, right?

At least I never broke any hearts except my own.

You are gonna marry Katherine eventually, yeah? If I don't get to be best man, I think Race would be a good fit. Oh, and if you make Smalls a bridesmaid, make sure to force her into a dress. (I'll always have been taller than her, ha!)

Tell Medda I say hi, if she doesn't come visit again before this reaches you. And make sure to tell her I said thanks a million for that singing telegram. It was really freaking cheesy, and I bet you were begging her not to send it, but "Walking on Sunshine" was somehow just the medicine I needed. (And stop faking, I know the song choice was all your idea.)

God, I love your idiocy so much. They don't make guys like you up there, I just know they don't. Hell must be such a rager.

Okay, I'm sorry for being morbid, but that was funny, wasn't it?

Yeah. You're laughing.

You won't miss me too much, will you Jack? Not so much it gets in the way of your happiness, I hope. Don't you dare stop doing things just because I'm not there, you hear?

Go out and feel the cool breezes for me.

So. Santa Fe for your birthday, what do you say? If it's gonna be the end, I want to go out with a bang. One last yeehaw! (Hey look, I can sound like an idiot too.)

Love always,

Crutchie

Happy (belated) 4th of July if you're in the US? I hope you enjoyed?

Please leave a review and don't kill me over this?

(If the formatting is weird it's because I'm posting from my phone and the FFN app's a bench.)