Summer in New Mexico was disgustingly hot, Emily thought as she dabbed at the sweat on the back of her neck. It made her think longingly of their brief layover in California.

Howard had been adamant about leaving London as soon as possible and had gotten his wish. Phillips had managed to secure his plane and flight itinerary within three days of Howard's return from Finnow.

From London they had flown the Mid-Atlantic route, landing in the Azores to refuel before going to Malibu. Emily had managed to force Howard into attending a few meetings at Stark Industries before he'd waved a hand at her and told her, "You handle it. You're running the business already."

From there, they'd flown to Los Alamos to join up with the Manhattan Project.

There wasn't much in the way of accomodations in the middle of the desert. Howard had been assigned a clapboard house that shared thin walls with two other families; he complained more than once about a baby crying all night. Emily had little sympathy for him, as she'd been assigned a bed in the crowded WAAC dormitory. Her roommate was a rather brash woman from Missouri who had demanded to know if Em was dating Howard and, if not, would she let him know that many of the girls would be willing to forgo their normal rate if he wanted to be entertain?

Emily declined.

As it was, Howard spent most of his time behind the barbed wire fence that separated the family housing from the physicists' working area. Though he'd put up a valiant fight, he hadn't been able to secure Emily access, even though she'd visited top secret bases and lived in the London bunker. So instead, she was banished to the secretarial pool to continue her work with Stark Industries and Howard's less classified projects.

"Emily!" Howard said, appearing at her elbow as she frowned at an unappetizing pile of carrots for sale.

"Yes?"

"We're going for a drive. I've got you a gate pass." Em raised an eyebrow; since their arrival, military had the base on a near lock down. Any attempts to leave were quickly denied for fears of any intelligence leaking.

"Has Christmas come early?" she asked. The forced isolation had been eating at her - after the freedom of London, Los Alamos felt like a prison.

"Ha. Make up some sandwiches and meet me by the car."

"Sir, yes sir," she muttered under her breath. She paid for four carrots and a semi-wilted head of lettuce before heading to Howard's house. She was well aware of the gossip that was going around about the two of them given her frequent late nights there, but couldn't bring herself to care.

After Steve's telegraph, it was hard to care about much.

He believed her. He believed her, and was somewhere in France where she couldn't talk to him. Not that she would have known what to say.

With sandwiches and sodas, Emily met Howard by the car where he was busy charming some of the wives. She huffed and rolled her eyes as she slid into the car, careful to keep her skirt between her legs and the blistering hot seats.

Five miles from the base, Howard stopped the car and turned to her. "I need your ear."

"My ear?" she asked.

"I need to talk to someone who's not jammed up in that office, talking over one another to prove they're the smartest," he stated, looking at her over the rims of his sunglasses.

"And I'm that person."

"You're the only one I trust," Howard replied. Emily's heart clenched and she felt some of her simmering anger and resentment for their current exile abate.

"Alright, what's going on in that office?"

Over lunch, he told her about the plutonium issues - they didn't have enough of it and the reactor-bred plutonium wouldn't work. All of the effort that had been put into into Thin Man - a gun-type fission bomb - had been wasted.

And that had given the Germans more time to catch up.

They were going to shift to implosion - Fat Man - with a uranium enriched prototype - Little Boy - as back up.

Emily felt a growing horror as the reality of her situation sank in: she was talking to Howard about the atomic bombs that would kill thousands and launch a global atomic threat.

And she was worried about what to say to Steve.

"After Finnow," Howard said before stopping. "I saw what my gas did. This… this is going to be much worse than that."

When Emily didn't say anything, he turned to her. "It's theoretical right now. But we're getting closer. I don't trust the military with it."

"You don't?" Em asked.

"No, not after McGinnis… what if they decide to use it against people? Right now it's a threat. It's protection against the Germans. But what if they decide that's not enough?"

"I… I don't know."

"This war isn't going to last forever," he sighed, looking out at the setting sun. "What happens after? If everyone has one of these damn things? What kind of life is that going to be?"

Slowly, Em reached across the bench seat and covered Howard's hand with her own. "You can leave the project if you don't think…

Howard gave her a sad smile. "You heard Phillips, Doll. One way or another, I end up back here. At least this way they have to listen to me, even if they just see me as the wrench turner."

OOO

He'd let Emily go.

His best friend - his brother, the man who had comforted him after his mother's funeral - had nearly killed the woman he loved, but he let her go.

He had let her go.

Steve could still see Emily's terrified expression when he'd found her, when she'd told him about what had happened.

It felt like eons ago, but had it really only been days?

Closing his eyes, Steve let his head drop as the weight of those last few days hit him. He'd nearly lost his girl in a fire fight. And then he'd put her on a plane to safety only to lose her in the safety of their home. And there was nothing he could do… he couldn't even call to see if any progress was being made to get her back… would they be able to tell him if she died? He was on the run from the government - from the very agency that Peggy had built, that had taken so much from Emily, that he'd stupidly put his trust in…

The same agency that had been infiltrated by HYDRA, who had found and tortured Bucky - the only person who knew him as well as he knew himself, who he'd left to die in the snowy Alps rather than go back and look for him - and molded him into the person he'd fought on the bridge.

Steve knew what Fury would say - that he wasn't Bucky anymore, that he was just parts that remembered how to kill. And that he had killed a lot of people.

But that was putting the blame on the wrong person. It was like blaming the gun instead of the person pulling the trigger. It wasn't his fault. He wasn't in control.

And Buck would have hated that most of all. But he also knows what Buck would want him to do in that situation - if he was under the control of the people he had died fighting. He'd want him to do whatever it took to stop him.

Steve heard him but closed his eyes, trying to ignore it. He knew that he had good intentions but right now… now he just wanted a moment to himself.

"He's going to be there, you know," Sam said.

"I know."

"Whoever he used to be, the guy he is now...I don't think he's the kind you save. He's the kind you stop."

"I don't know if I can do that."

"He might not give you a choice. He doesn't know you."

"He will. Gear up, it's time."

"You're gonna wear that?"

"No," Steve said as he turned to walk across the bridge. "If you're gonna fight a war, you've gotta wear a uniform."

And he knew exactly where he'd find one.

OOO

Howard received a telegraph in mid-July stating that Brigadier General John McGinnis had resigned, and he was expected back in London. Within a few weeks, they'd managed to wrap up as much as they could before boarding the plane and beginning the trip back across the pond.

It was nearly nine o'clock at night when they landed outside of London. Two jeeps were waiting for them, and their drivers jumped out to greet the plane when the propellers stopped turning. Emily was in the process of putting her glasses and files back into her bag when the tail door opened and a man ducked inside.

"Ma'am," he nodded, taking off his hat and shaking off the rain water.

"Evening," she replied. "Is it raining hard?"

"Hard enough," he smiled.

"Right!" Howard said, stepping out of the cockpit. "Is Johensen with you?"

"Yes sir," the soldier said. "Waiting in one of the jeeps."

"Excellent. Bags are right there - those are going in the car with Emily. She'll go to the house and get everything settled in, and I'll take the other jeep and go the the bunker." The man nodded and gathered up a few of the bags before ducking out again.

"I think it might be better if you waited until tomorrow," she sighed. "You'll be more productive if you get on the time zone."

"A problem for a later time," he said, motioning for her to exit the plane. "I'll see you in the morning. Or afternoon - whenever you make it."

Emily raised an eyebrow. "I'll be there first thing to make sure you've slept."

"Right." Howard glanced around before grabbing Em's coat from where she'd draped it over one of the seats. He helped her into it and retrieved her hat before chivvying her towards the door. "Goodnight, Miss Harthorn."

"Mr. Stark," she said slowly, furrowing her eyebrow at his odd formality. The other driver was standing by the door, off to the side to allow her to step out in front of him. She squinted out into the dark, trying to gauge how far of a dash it was going to be between the plane and cars. When he offered a hand to help her out, she took it and leapt over the puddle just outside of the entrance. But when she'd expected him to let go, his grip tightened. Frowning, Em tugged her hand free while turning to face him.

Steve stared at her, his mouth slightly open.

Emily stared back, blinking rain out of her eyes.

"You gonna just stand there?" Howard asked, ducking to watch them from the shelter of the plane.

"Damn it," Steve muttered, startled back into reality. He quickly opened the umbrella he was holding and thrust it into her hand. "Here - we're taking that jeep," he said, motioning to one of the idling cars.

"What are - " she started but he turned away and greeted Howard.

Still a bit stunned by his sudden appearance, Em walked to the car and tried to think of what she would say to him. It had been over two months since their last conversation… two months since his proposal and her confession.

Once in the car, Emily closed her eyes and took a deep breath. There was no way of knowing how this would go, and she would just need to roll with the punches.

Thumps behind her startled her, and then Steve was climbing into the driver's seat. He removed his hat and ran a hand through his wet locks before reaching for the gear shifter. He didn't say a word as they left the airport and started back to the city.

"I - " Em started, then stopped to clear her throat. "I didn't realize you were in London."

"Am I not supposed to be here?" Steve asked, his voice harsh and his eyes not deviating from the road. Em opened her mouth to reply but realized she didn't know what to say.

They passed the rest of the drive in silence, listening to the tires slushing through puddles and the odd rumbles of thunder.

When they reached the house, Em unlocked the door and went around cracking windows open to air out the house as much as one could with blackout curtains, while Steve parked the car and brought in the bags. After depositing them just inside the door, he stood dripping in the doorway, hat tucked under his arm as he stared at the floor off to the side of the end table.

"Are you going to stay?" she asked, returning to the living room with a glass of water. He slowly dragged his eyes up to meet hers and frowned.

"How?"

Emily opened her mouth slightly before shaking her head. "I told you before - I don't know. Jane's work - she's… she's working on wormhole technology, and I think that - "

"Wormholes?"

"Bridges through space. I think...I think that I went through one."

Steve moved close enough to toss his hat on the coffee table but remained on the other side of the room, shaking his head. "Astrophysics. That's why you were reading about it in DC last year."

"Yes," Em said, thinking back to those early days of frantic research.

"And...you were born in 1989… 45 years from now." She nodded.

"For Christ's sake, this is crazy!" Steve snapped, spinning on his heel and gripping his hair. Emily flinched and crossed her arms tightly around herself, biting her lip and blinking back the tears that were gathering in her eyes. "Emily, it's not possible - "

"You said you believed me," she said quietly.

"I'd just been shot - " he countered and quickly held up a finger to stop her when she started to speak again. "Which was what happened to a lot of men on that beach."

"How else would I have known about everything else?"

"Seasickness? Hearing loss? Bucky taking out a sniper nest? Anyone could have guessed those!"

"How long the campaign took? Navigation issues?" Em pressed. He flinched and shook his head.

"You were a spy before, and you lived in the bunker. You could have overheard - "

"I didn't, Steve. Mon coeur - "

"Don't."

Emily sighed and closed her eyes, shaking her head slowly. She lifted one hand and covered her face. After a moment, she ran a hand through her hair and looked up to meet Steve's gaze. He looked so confused and hurt, torn between wanting to comfort her and standing his ground.

"You must know other things if… if you are what you say you are."

"Like what?"

"I don't know," he huffed. "What's Eisenhower's planning right now."

"I'm not a military historian, Steve!" Em snapped. "I know the broad strokes - Normandy, Hurtgen Forest, the Bulge, Okinawa… but I didn't study every campaign!"

"I don't know what those are, Emily! How am I supposed to trust you when I can't verify anything? Hurtgen Forest? The Bulge? MacArthur's nowhere near Okinawa!"

"Isn't that the problem?" she chuckled. "You can't trust anything I say until it happens, and even if it happens you think I know about it because of where I work." Steve grit his teeth.

"You can't expect me to believe you just because - "

"I studied propaganda, Steve. That's my speciality. Ask me about how much money you made on your tour. Or why the anti-Japanese propaganda was more dehumanizing than the anti-German. Maybe how it was used to spur dormant nationalism in the US after the Great Depression. Ask me that and I can answer it. But battles? I don't… I can't."

"Emily…" he said, his tone pleading. "Be reasonable. You hit your head, Sweetheart. Whatever happened that night...it's made you… you're not well. Let me get you some help. We can figure out what's wrong. "

For a long moment they just looked at one another, silently pleading with the other to believe them. Em felt her heart clench when she saw how tired he was. She'd read countless books and letters about infantrymen's experience on the war front, about what they'd seen and felt - and Steve had just come back from it. Even with his physical enhancements, he looked dead on his feet and weary in his soul.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, her voice catching. "It's not fair to put this on you, not with everything going on. I can't… I can't keep trying to convince you of something that sounds so ridiculous. I shouldn't have talked to you that night at the Expo, and I shouldn't have let things get this far."

"Sweet - "

"And I think…" Emily took a deep breath, "I think it'd be best if we ended this. You have so much left to do and I'm… I'm standing in the way."

Steve stared at her, mouth slightly open. "But," he said, "I love you."

"And I love you. It's just," she gave him a wobbly smile. "It's not our time. Not yet."

It seemed like an eternity that they stood across from one another, waiting for the other one to protest and want to fight, to take back what had just happened but finally, slowly, Steve turned and walked out of the house.

Only then did Emily allow herself to collapse onto the couch and sob.

She stopped breathing when she heard it.

" - to work."

" - n't the last - "

"Hello?" she called out.

" - ear that?"

Emily leapt to her feet, her heart in her throat. "Jane?" The silence was deafening, but then she heard faint music from the rear of the house. She'd just passed the basement door when she started feeling lightheaded. A look around Howard's room turned up nothing, and as she closed the door, she heard a voice.

" - what happened. I can't hear - "

"Tony?" Em clutched the door as she stepped into her room, feeling nauseous. Movement caught her eye and she turned towards her wardrobe across the room, examining her reflection in the mirror. The image wavered and blurred, and just for an instant she could have sworn that she'd seen a computer screen. "Jane? Tony?"

"I can hear her! Emily!"

"Oh my god!" Em gasped, stumbling across the room. Her body tingled as she drew closer, and the mirror wavered again, flashing to Jane's lab.

Her ears started to ring as she reached out to touch the mirror, swaying slightly.

Just before her fingers touched it, she was jerked backwards as a hand clamping on her arm and drawing it away. "No!" she screamed, fighting to get free. The mirror flashed again and she briefly saw Jane. "Let me go! Please, let me - "

There was a burning pain on her right side that punched the breath from her lungs and her legs gave out. Her free hand shot to cover the area as the arms around her lowered her to the floor.

Steve's white face was suddenly in front of her and he cupped her cheek. She could see his lips moving but wasn't able to hear him over the ringing in her ears.

She shook away his hold and lifted her blouse to see a familiar puckered scar on her right side just before she fainted.

Author's Note: A few historical notes. There were really strict regulations on women in the WAACs (Women's Auxiliary Army Corp). The idea of them prostituting themselves was drawn from the TV show Manhattan (which is really good and I highly recommend), not from any research. While there was an atomic race going on, the Germans weren't even close to getting a bomb (the US was able to get ahead when Einstein tipped them off that the Germans were starting the research; he wasn't on the project as he was deemed a security risk).

The thoughts that Steve had about Bucky on the bridge were pulled from Brubaker's comic introducing him as the Winter Soldier.

The Battle of Hurtgen Forest is the longest single battle the US Army has fought, and was the longest battle fought on German soil during WWII; the Battle of the Bulge was Hitler's last push where he broke though the Allied lines and created a 'bulge'; and Okinawa was a bloody fight on the Japanese island that the US needed as a staging area for any incursions into mainland Japan. (Side note - also where my dad's side of the family is from, and where I lived for 5 years.) All of these happen after this particular scene with Em and Steve - mid-September 1944, mid-December 1944, and April 1945 respectively .

I hope this chapter didn't disappoint! Thanks for reading =)