PART I: Forgetting, Forgot
"The choice was once
your choosing,
before losing
became my loss.
I was there in
your forgetting —
until I was forgot."
-Lang Leav
Chapter 1 - Acting Your Age
Fall, 1983
It is five days after the first accident.
Sephiroth counts every day like it lasts a year. Being in bed dries him out.
Today is better. His bedroom is clear, not green or fuzzy. Food stays in his stomach like it is supposed to. He wants to go outside now. His legs hurt to run up and down the hill and even chase the dog until he catches him. He tells Mariella that he's better. His doctor doesn't believe him. She says that he only got exploded five days ago and to be patient. Sephiroth insists until both doctors check him over just to quiet him down. Landon holds his face with twiggy fingers and takes his temperature. His teeth crack against the glass. Mariella shakes her head so her braid wags. The reading is good.
They unwrap his arm. It smells sour but they touch the new skin all over. It tickles. He squirms as they take photos.
The leg cast cracks off. White dust floats through the air and he proves he can walk by running between them immediately. The floor spins underneath him. Mariella shouts. Landon catches the back of his shirt but it slips through his fingers.
Sephiroth runs hard. The leg wobbles but his bedroom falls behind and the house grows before him. The wooden ceilings stretch over his head and the dark corners are less scary. He has to slow for the main staircase to take one step at a time. He's been patient. He's been waiting. Now he's almost out. He's unstoppable. The hurt is over. After everything, he can't imagine anything worse than staying in bed.
He gets the front door open. The fresh air shocks him and he stumbles across the porch. The sun is warm and wakes up anything in him still asleep. He's stretching as he looks further than any of his walls would allow. The orange patterns on the trees and the blue sky are all new to him again. He rolls into the yard. Mud clumps on his pajamas.
He rolls until all he can smell is grass and the dead leaves. The doctors keep telling him he has a connection with the planet and, at that moment, he pretends it's real. He stops and presses his back hard into it. It rained yesterday, he had watched it before falling asleep. The dampness soaks through his shirt. They say he should feel something like a hug or an energy or a song but none of that made any sense to him. His chest rises and falls as he thinks about a warmth filling him, making the cold go away from his fingertips.
Sephiroth turns his head, the leaves covering his face and he pretends to hear one of the songs that Landon plays on Sunday evenings. The planet is here, he imagines it sings, and ready to save him from the doctors and the awful woman in his dreams. He sighs, releasing his grip on the mud. Imagination can't put the song here. His ears hear nothing but his breathing. The wind and the birds fill his head but that isn't the song of the planet.
Snorting makes his eyes open.
Charlie finds him. The dog sits on his stomach, punching the air out of him. Sephiroth laughs and brings his hands up to scratch him behind the collar. The drifting fur makes him sneeze. Charlie doesn't get to go in the bedrooms so Sephiroth hugs him extra hard. The dog grunts and his nose digs into his neck before the licks start.
The door opens again and he pulls the dog closer.
"So you are feeling better." Mariella crouches down next to him. Sephiroth knows that she is young but she never looks it. It's her eyes. They always look dark.
"Yes." he scrunches up his face.
Her hand goes on his free weird arm. "Those were fourth degree mako burns, mister. Bad ones."
"Yes." He pulls the dog over his eyes. Charlie takes it with a grumble and investigates Sephiroth's armpit.
"I thought you wanted to act older."
"Is it my birthday yet? Am I four?" He asks and realizes too late that he has opened his mouth up to a sea of fur.
"Not yet. Next week." Fingers drag into his hair and she ruffles it. "How did you survive that first night? What's your secret?"
The question is asked to him but Sephiroth gets this funny feeling that it is not meant for him.
"I know," He says anyway. Silver mixes with the yellow as she pushes the dog away.
Her full face looks down at him. "You do?"
"Hmm." He drags the dog back over.
"Go on, tell me."
He coughs into the fur and then his finger slips from Charlie's collar. He lumbers off of him, a paw scraping across his forehead. The grass smells broken. She leans into his vision. One eyebrow is up.
"Adults can't keep secrets." He folds his hands on his stomach. His eyes watering.
"Kids can't either. Let me in on this one."
He swallows. "It's magic."
She stares at him, long and hard. He struggles to sit up. The breeze pushes his white hair in front of his eyes. She studies him as if he has said the most complex puzzle in his riddle book.
"You." She laughs finally, breaking up the stare. "What am I going to do with you? How am I even going to describe what just came out of your mouth?"
"Then don't."
"Okay, Sephiroth, I won't." She reaches and grabs him under his shoulders. "But if you're going to act like a baby, I'm going to carry you like one."
"No." He pushes as she grunts and drags him up with her. His feet leave the ground and he kicks wildly. She settles him against her stomach and takes a step.
"I'm not a baby," he shouts and pushes against her chest.
"Hitting harder than usual today," she grunts and pulls him up before dropping him an inch. "A bigger baby. Come on in so I can change your diapers."
"Not funny," he says it loud enough that it comes back from the mountains and she laughs harder. He is done with all of that. It shouldn't have ever happened. They forced it on him.
She takes another step, wobbles and sets him down on his feet. His hand remains trapped in hers and he looks up at her. She brushes a finger against his cheek. It's warm and he maybe hates having his hand held just a little less.
"Alright, come on. We need to run a few more tests, especially on those eyes, and then all the yard time you want, okay?"
"Say I didn't wear diapers."
"You certainly did, but not anymore."
It would have to be good enough for him.
"Now, to the tests."
He follows her back in the mansion.
Thank you for the feedback so far! I really appreciate it.
I love trying to put together the pieces of what we know about Sephiroth's past into something that might have happened.
Also writing cute young Sephiroth is incredibly fun. I feel like when we are kids, we are so much more willing to enjoy the little things.
Drop me review and let me know.
Thank you for reading as always.
Quin
The poem belongs to Lang Leav and is used as respectfully as possible. If requested by the creator, I will take it down but I just adore it for this part.