Chapter 9 - Fragile
Spring, 1984
Sephiroth hurries around the mansion's garden. Today is one of the first days that it feels like spring has come back to Nibelheim. Mud sticks to his shoes and he listens to birds cry at him. The beds of plants are starting to come up. He's watched Landon tend to the garden from his window the last few weeks as he has recovered.
He checked behind him. The front of the mansion is empty. He's alone, a rare treat for him.
Sephiroth hums out a mix of songs as he combs the beds. The new radio has been playing every night. The sounds are nice in his ear but he knows it doesn't sound good on the outside. It is early to be hoping to make a bouquet. The few pale flowers are in his arms. The rest is going to have to be greenery. It can work as he pulls up another plant. These wide thick leaves are different than the thin ones. It might be good enough.
His body feels wonderful as he crouches down. Arms, legs, elbows and knees, they are all going where he wants them to. Recently, he's tripped and fallen too many times. They would fly out of his control and then send him stumbling. Now he won't ever forget how thankful he is for control over his arms. Carefully, he snips off a few fragile leaves from another plant.
He is stronger too, as if his muscles are coated in iron that cannot break.
Charlie snuffs the garden behind him. Sephiroth stretches, pulling a few round leaves with long stems. The air is fresh since spring is here. Winter has given up and gone back up the mountains. The animals and town are waking up. Sephiroth has forgotten what other people looked like. Landon's exhaustion and Mariella's worried eyes took up his memory for the last few weeks.
The garden explodes in his hand. A rock by his shoe catches his eye. It's jagged but silver flecks catch his eye. It goes in his pocket. It's a good addition. The mansion's ivy is bright green again as he heads back inside. Mariella is in the office "drowning in paperwork". Landon should be cleaning the areas that are not on Sephiroth's list. He finished his earlier.
His free fingers drag up the banister until he turns to the extra wing. He's had energy the last few days. All the resting that he did is now stockpiled inside him and it makes him so happy. He could run until he got to the ocean and then keep going until he reached the end of the world. The third door to the left is a guest bedroom. Fresh sheets are on the bed. Sephiroth scans the room to make sure everything is neat. Very soon, there would be someone living in this room. Would Professor Gast sit at the desk or on his bed? Would he put his suitcase at the end of the bed? Would he notice how clean the room is?
It isn't much but it is cozy. The walls are brown but the lighter colored desk, drapes and bed make it brighter. He hopes that it is good enough for the Professor since he lives in Midgar. A drinking glass stolen from the kitchen sits near the window. The cut plants go in and he pokes a couple to make it look more natural. The strange rock goes next to it. One of Professor Gast's letters noted that he has plants in his kitchen that he struggles to keep alive.
Sephiroth's stomach turns as he checks through the window. The main road into town is still empty. In the last visit, Professor Gast had come by helicopter and then car. Now the highways are clear and he is coming by car. It is easier so he can work on the way. He's been counting down the hours since he found out three days ago. The email of their upcoming arrival sent both Landon and Mariella in a spin.
It's for work, Professor Gast wrote, but I hope we can have a moment to catch up as well. With luck, it will be a quick trip with easy answers.
He hopes that the professor is wrong so they can be together a while longer. Sephiroth had spotted in Mariella's inbox another email Professor Gast sent that he wasn't able to read. He wonders what it said.
"A bouquet?" Landon says behind him. He's slumped against the door frame with a dusting rag in his hands.
"Yes." The smile falls away as Sephiroth moves away from the window. He eyes the plants.
"It's a nice idea," Landon says. The words curl around each other in Sephiroth's mind. It's a lie. He doesn't think it is a nice idea. He thinks that Professor Gast won't like them at all. Or he's mad at him. His mouth works but nothing comes out. Landon brushes his pants and sighs.
"Are you upset I didn't ask?" Sephiroth says.
"It's too bad on the fern but what is done is done." Landon pushes off the door and stops. "Look, just be careful with the professor."
"He's my friend."
"Right." Something in his eyes flickers and he walks away.
Sephiroth looks at the empty doorway. He won't go after him. Over and over, Landon has pushed him into feeling things that he didn't want to feel. When he gets tired, he gets even worse. Sephiroth turns away. The bouquet sits on the desk. The green leaves are clear in the sunlight. He presses his fingers on a leaf, trying to make it grow.
Nothing. It is like pushing a wall. Nothing gives. The leaf only looks weaker when he pulls his fingers away.
Still, Landon breaks into his thoughts. Is there a sign that he is missing about the professor? He could be writing the letters to pass the time. Sephiroth has been asking him to come and it is only a work trip that makes him travel here. Maybe he isn't important. He didn't come after he slept in the drift. A friend would have come for that. Professor Gast had written that the pass was blocked with snow and that he couldn't leave his work on the new plate.
He scrunches up his face and tries to go on with his day.
Sephiroth ends up in front of a cardboard box that he keeps under his bed. He palms through all the printed letters that they have written. Phrases from his letters come out to greet him: I am eager to see you soon one day. Great job on translating that Latin passage. Keep at all the hard work, I know that it isn't easy growing up but it will all be worth it in the end. It is good to have someone to write to outside of Midgar.
Sephiroth lets out a breath. Landon has to be wrong. He has to be but why would he say that?
The car comes when the sky is streaked with red. The black vehicle has big wheels chunked with mud and dust covers the surface. Sephiroth hovers on the balcony as Marielle and Landon stand by the road. He can't make himself go down the stairs. The nerves have gotten to him. Their letters have been frequent but it could not translate into life in person. He could say the wrong thing. The professor could not recognize him. His head is almost at the height of Landon's shoulders and his hair has fallen to his chin. He should have cut it shorter. He looks like a slob.
Charlie pounds down the steps from his side and barks as Orlin comes out first. The dog's whole body wiggles as he circles around the SOLDIER. He's gristled and lazy as he moves. His eyes scan everyone and settle on Sephiroth. The tiredness leaves him as he does a half wave. Sephiroth lifts a hand. He tries to control his breathing. It is a good sign but it could be nothing more than a polite hello.
Orlin knocks on the door and leans against the car. The passenger door clicks open. Professor Gast reappears in Sephiroth's life. The gray in his hair shines and he squints as he straightens his jacket. The worries shift back. He still has the same warmth from before. Professor Gast shakes the hands of Mariella and Landon. They chatter at him. Sephiroth realizes he's coming down the stairs. He doesn't know it until he's almost stumbling down the last step. He stops again.
Professor Gast is skinnier than he remembers. His neck has wires and cords in it but the softness is still there. He looks at his staff like they mean something to him. He nods as they talk. Sephiroth blinks. They are both really here. Orlin is against the car, arms crossed and grinning at the professor.
Sephiroth puts his hand on the porch railing behind him. His throat is dry.
Professor Gast laughs at something and shakes his head. Charlie circles around, kicking up gravel. They look comfortable with each other. He's outside it. He is alone. Even before, when they look at him, he doesn't feel the way that these people feel now. They enjoy each other. He's outside that with glass between them. Any second, they turn on him, glaring at his intrusion and tear him apart. A foggy memory tells him it's happened before.
His foot slides back.
He should go back in the house. He could pretend that he isn't excited and that nothing has happened.
Gravel crunches as he takes another step back. His heel hits the porch step when he forgets to lift it.
"S. What are you doing over there?" Professor Gast shouts as the noise catches his attention. He walks away from everyone. It pulls Sephiroth so far and fast out of his own thoughts that he freezes in place.
Professor Gast is smiling and breeze tugs against his hair. "I was looking for you and there you are hiding! You've grown. When did that happen? Overnight?"
The familiarity in his tone is overwhelming. Sephiroth's tongue sticks to the top of his mouth. He desperately wants to look away but can't manage it.
"Are you feeling better these days? Did you get that torn down phone to work again?"
The world spins.
Professor Gast doesn't notice.
"Orlin says that once I see you, I'll stop talking about you. Don't believe him. I don't talk about you all the time."
Sephiroth doesn't know what to do. He can't think. He's going lightheaded.
"Come here."
He is there in front of him. His arms come around Sephiroth's shoulders and draw him into his chest. He stumbles forward. His own hands go halfway between embracing and guarding. The stale smell of gasoline and coffee surround him. The blue knit of the fabric tickles his nose.
A hand draws protectively onto the back of his skull and pulls him in even closer.
"I'm glad you are okay."
It is whispered.
Sephiroth returns the hug.
And it feels so good.
I found this old note attached to this chapter: "Sephiroth and BD (Landon dubbed "bad doctor" then) start to get worse. Seph starts thinking about killing the BD."
Wow...I had completely forgotten in an earlier draft/plot of this Landon was a much more aggressive doctor and Sephiroth actually was driven to kill him. That was what caught Shinra's attention and brought him to Midgar. I even have half a draft of an interview with Sephiroth and the R&D department talking about the murder.
I like our path much more but wow. Things have changed.
Oh yeah. The hug at the end of this chapter warms my heart. Sephiroth needs more hugs.
Thank you so much for reading. See you next week. -Quin